All language subtitles for The Last Man On Earth - 2x08 - No Bull.HDTV.x264-FLEET.en

Previously on The Last Man on Earth...

Looks like it's just you and me, bud.

- I'm the father of her child.
- Not anymore.

Everybody's life got worse
the day they met you.

- I guess we can't trust each other.
- I guess not.

Where were you?

Oh, farts.

Oh, hi, Phil's penis.

Out helping Phil.

Tandy!

Get away from me!

But you... Come on.

Get away from me, Tandy!

I'm just trying to get you
ready for your big unveiling.

I know what you're going through right now.

You're disoriented, you're angry...

Damn right, I'm angry!

But you did the right thing

by getting drunk enough to let
me get you into these stocks.

And that's really gonna score

a bunch of points with the group, okay?

You ready?

- Okay, this is a big moment.
- What?

Here we go.

Hey, everyone, come out here!

Get me out of here.

Some really exciting stuff!

Stop it!

Phil somehow put himself in the stocks!

- No, I didn't!
- It's amazing, right?

What do you mean, no, you didn't?
Yeah, you did.

You're in there right now.
I clearly didn't do it.

What... I'm holding a pot and something
in this hand. I couldn't have done it.

Wow, we are really using these things

on a weekly basis now.

If you ask me, it's too little, too late.

Or do you mean the exact right amount

at the exact right time? Hmm?

Erica, Erica, what do you think, huh?

Pretty cool.

What the goll dang is
up with that cow, huh?

Oh, my goodness, guys, get out here!

You got to see this!

No, the show's in the atrium!

Come on!

Ugh, God.

Okay, I need to go see what that is

going on out there.

- Oh, my...
- Wow. Whoa.

Holy cow.

Boom.

Sync and corrections by peterbrito
www.addic7ed.com

Hey, little guy or gal.

Not sure what you are, but you are cute.

Oh, you're a guy. Okay.

Can tell by the... the penis. Yeah.

Did you guys hear those
noises she was making?

It s-sounded like she saw the devil.

Yeah, well, she was going
through excruciating pain,

what with the tearing and the ripping,

and cows don't have doctors to sew them up.

Oh, I guess we don't either.

Guys, you know what this means?

I mean, there must be a bull around.

Hey, yeah. Remember when
we first moved in here,

and she'd keep sneaking out
in the middle of the night?

Ah, she was just going off to do a little

"wham, bam, thank you,
livestock," weren't you?

- You little hussy.
- We got to find this bull.

I mean, if we can get them to mate...

Oh, my God, you are obsessed

with everyone having more and more babies!

What? I'm talking about
milk, Melissa. Geez!

For those of you who aren't
gonna jump down my throat every

time I say something, how about
we go out looking for the bull?

Sounds like a pretty good idea, sure.

Uh, all right, let's meet
up in about an hour.

That'll give me some time
to gather some gear,

collect some cow urine.

Got to stay hydrated.

Uh, no, bulls are attracted to cow urine.

Kinky badinky.

All right, let's do this, huh?

- All right.
- Come on.

Those sounds.

Yeah, that's the ripping.

Lucky duck.

Hey, bud.

You are not gonna believe this.

The cow had a friggin' calf.

Yeah, a little boy.

You can tell by the penis.

Oh, cutest thing you've ever seen.

Uh, the calf, not the penis.

I mean, it was a fine-looking penis.

Why do you keep asking me
about this calf's penis?

Dirty mind.

They don't care that I'm in here.

So just let me out.

Uh, sure, the calf stole
the headline today.

Okay, but soon that buzz will wear off,

and they'll focus on you in here.

Nobody cares about me.

Hey, like it or not, we're a family.

And you never give up on family.

Took me a long time to learn that.

And one of these days, you're
gonna learn that, too.

Uh, Tandy.

Tandy, you're right.

I'm right?

Come-come back.

I've been... I've been bullheaded.

I think I've been letting
our past cloud my judgment.

I got to pay my dues.

Hey, I am so friggin'
proud of you right now.

But, look, if you really want to help me,

let me out of here so I can find that bull.

Think about how excited everyone would be.

I mean, that would be a pretty baller move.

Right! And, look, once I find it,

I come right back, put
myself back in the stocks.

I don't know. I mean...

It's like you said, we're family.

All right.

Just a few more twisty-turnies here,

and you and I will be in the
shortwave radio business.

You don't think it's gonna work, do you?

Hey, look, this is our
best shot at connecting

with another living person out there, okay?

It's better than any of our other ideas,

like, uh, the telescope

or-or bouncing the laser
pointer off the Taj Mahal.

Or your idea of just flicking
the lights off and on

till someone notices.

That-that was not my...

Not my idea, mm-mm.

No, nice try.

Friggin' worm.

Hello.

This is Commander Mike Miller

from the International Space Station.

Anybody out there?

Hey, Gail, we're all...

- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, God, I'm sorry!

- Uh...
- I'm-I'm sorry.

- We're all gathering in the kitchen.
- I'm not... No, I'm coming.

- I'm... I mean...
- For the whole... the bull thing.

- Yeah, no, the bull.
- We're just in the kitchen.

- I just...
- a little CPR refresher, okay?

- Yeah, right. You take your time.
- I'll be there in a second.

C-Copy that. Yep.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Crap!

Okay, in a moment, we will be embarking

on perhaps the most important
mission of our brave new world.

Okay? Finding this bull

is our "One giant leap for mankind."

Finding this bull is our "I have a dream."

Finding this bull

is our "Where's the beef?"

Literally.

Can you get to the point, Tandy?

I can get to the point,
I can get to the set,

I can get to the whole
freakin' match, Melissa.

Let's let Phil out of these stocks

to help us search for this bull.

Is that what this is all about?

This is about way more than that.

This is about team.

Hey, team, take a knee.

Yeah, I called us a team. Why?

'Cause we are one.

Webster's Dictionary
defines the word "team"

as "Together Everyone Achieves More."

So let's let Phil out of these stocks.

'Cause at the end of the
day, there's no I in "team,"

but there is one in "find," okay?

There's a T in Todd and
Tandy; there's an E in Erica;

there's an A in Andrew,
Carol's middle name;

and there is an M in Melissa and Miller...

My last name, his last name, okay?

There's no G for Gail.

But that's because, as the oldest...

uh, non-youngest member of our group,

she's our coach.

Every team needs a grizzled coach,

and there's a G in "grizzled"
and there's a G in Gail.

So let's tear down these stocks, Mr.
Gorbachev.

Okay?

And let's go find that
mother-friggin' bull.

If we say yes, will you stop talking?

Yes.

Fine, do it.

Good news.

They agreed to let you out.

I knew I could count on you.

Oh, God, I'm so excited about this.

I never thought we'd be on the
same page with something.

But, heck, here we are in
lockstep with each other.

I won't even be surprised if at some point

we started finishing each other's...

s... sentences.

- Yeah.
- Mm.

We'll get there one day.

Or our names aren't...

- Phil Miller.
- Phil Miller.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Out you go.

"Out, damned spot!"

It's a Shakespeare... reference.

Where you going?

Oh, look at you, real man on a mission.

Got that eye of the tiger.

Love it.

So, uh, where you want to start looking?

I'll start with Canada.

Canada? Oh, you're gonna start
there and work your way back?

Bye, Tandy.

Tell everyone they won't have
to worry about me anymore.

'Cause I'm out of here.

Wait, what about all the stuff
you said in the stocks?

You're just gonna leave us?

We're your family.

You know, I don't have a family.

Didn't you learn anything from the virus?

We're all alone.

Oh, farts.

Hey, look.

Hey, whoa, Todd...

Wait, what?

Uh, no, no. Oh, God.

Uh, hey, I was gonna say,
"Hey, look, it's Gail."

I'm sorry, I bet you
thought I was gonna say...

Oh, yeah, I-I thought you were gonna say,

"Hey, look, there's the bull." No, I know.

I-I was... I was... I was gonna say,

"Hey, uh... hey, look, it's Gail."

Probably should've just said,

- uh, hello.
- Hi, or...

- Oh, yes, or hi.
- Hello.

- Yes. Yeah.
- You could have said hello.

- Boy, it's a hot one, isn't it?
- Did you see anything?

Okay, I'm just gonna come on
out and tell you what you saw.

I took a CPR dummy,

and I dressed it up to look like Gordon,

and I talk to it, and I
do other stuff with it,

and we're probably gonna
need a new CPR dummy.

Yep, that's what I thought I saw.

And I know it's nuts.

But it just helps me.

You know?

'Cause I just miss Gordon so dang much.

I totally understand.

You're so lucky to have Melissa.

Well, I don't know if I do.

It's been a bit of a mess lately.

We're just... I don't know.

Well, hon, relationships are
always a roller coaster.

You just... if you love her,
you just got to make it work.

'Cause it is such a blessing in this world

if you have a partner,
someone you can talk to,

someone who gets you.

'Cause without that, life is
just a big bunch of nothing.

♪ ♪

Carol, did you pack
unsweetened lemonade in here?

Nope.

That's what I thought, yeah, yeah.

Oh.

Okay, you guys.

Have some big news.

First of all, this is not
unsweetened lemonade, okay?

Uh, if we could just be

a little more, uh, conscious
of labeling things.

You know.

Piece of tape, "urine."

That's all I'm saying.

Second of all... And this is

kind of the main thing... um...

Phil did not go out searching for the bull.

You know, I let him out of the stocks,

and he just drove off.

So h-he's

just, like, gone gone?

D-Did he say anything?

Yeah, he said to tell all you guys

that you don't have to
worry about him anymore.

I mean, he said it more like,

"Tell them they don't have to worry

"about him, I mean, me anymore...

Tandy."

So, uh, back on the search again.

Hey, hey!

Look, we got supplies.

We got maps.

Uh, we got walkies and,
uh, unlabeled cow urine.

You know, you know, why
don't we put a-a pin

in this bull search and,
uh, and go find Phil, huh?

So we're not even gonna look for him?

We're just gonna let him be alone?

Hello, this is Commander Mike Miller,

broadcasting from the
International Space Station.

This is Commander Mike Miller,

broadcasting from the
International Space Station.

Hello.

Oh, my God.

Hello! Hello, this is Mike Miller!

Hello!

H-Hold on, I-I'm refining the signal.
Just hold on one second.

Terry, there's someone else out there!
We're not alone!

We're not alone!

- Mike Miller... Hello.
- Yes, yeah, that's me!

I'm Mike Miller! Yes, hello!

H-Hold on, I-I'm refining the signal.

Yes, yeah, that's me! I'm Mike Miller!
Yes, hello!

Hello, this is Mike Miller.

Terry, there's someone else out there!
We're not alone!

We're not alone!

Hello, this is Mike Miller.

H-Hold on, I-I'm refining the signal.

Yeah, that's me! I'm Mike Miller!

Yes, hello! We're not alone!

Oh, farts.

Oh, it's the famous bull hunter.

Any luck with the bull?

Obviously not.

Don't you think I would've told you?

I don't know what you will
and won't tell me anymore.

Okay, you know what? That's it.

We need to talk about this.

Oh, fun! So after walking
around in the heat all day,

you want to go fry up some bacon

and gab about our relationship some more?

What is going on here, Melissa?

I mean, I'm obviously not making you happy.

And, you know, you're not...

you know.

What?

- Nothing. Let's just...
- Just say it.

I'm not making you happy.

No, I just...

Uh...

I don't know, maybe it's just time...

we take a little break.

No, Todd, I think maybe it's
time we take a big break.

Come on in.

Hey.

Hey.

I hope I'm not disturbing you and Gordon.

Oh, no, we're taking a breather.

Melissa and I just broke up.

Oh.

Todd.

Hey.

I'm so sorry.

Aw.

You look like a man who could use a drink.

- That sounds great.
- Okay.

You know, maybe it was

for the best. I don't know.

We were just... We kept
fighting all the time.

And it was just... getting really heavy.

God, I know how that is.

Do you remember how much
Gordon and I fought

when we first met?

It was like cats and dogs.

Yeah, I mean,

I'll never forget that time

he stood up on the table
and peed in your wine.

You threw it in his eyes.

Aw, yeah.

I miss her so much already.

Oh... hey.

Come in here.

I'm sorry.

Aw. You know what?

You are gonna be okay.

- Thanks, Gail.
- You really are.

I just wonder if it is.

It's gonna be all right. Don't wonder, no.

Because you know, you just,
it's so seldom that you meet

- somebody that you really like.
- You will. You're gonna be all right.

Nobody ever knows these
things, but I swear,

- it just takes time.
- But I guess it just all takes some time.

Good morning, Vietnam.

You know, this morning when I watched Phil

drive out of here and head for Canada,

I thought he was crazy.

I mean, why would anyone choose
to be alone, when they could

live in a world with people?

That's what Phil chose to do.

'Cause the way we were treating him,

that alternative seemed better
than sticking around here.

Maybe you guys don't remember
what it felt like out there.

How lonely,

how sad, how pointless life was.

Well, I remember.

'Cause I almost had to go back to that.

But somehow, I got a second chance.

Look, I deserve everything I got, you know?

And in a way,

Phil does, too.

Okay? He's not perfect.

But who among us is?

There's an old expression, uh, that says,

"Let he who is without sin

cast the first stone in a glass house."

Okay, I don't need another Tandy talk.

Okay, Melissa, why don't we
start with you, then, huh?

This is a woman

who strongly and forcefully
tried to hit on a married man.

That's me.

- I absolutely did not.
- You did.

You told me you were horny,
and that is a solid hit-on.

And, look, Carol, you are fully justified

to throw that rock at
her horny little head,

but here's why you won't.

'Cause you lied to this entire group

about me being dead.

Why are you bringing that up?!

Just proving the point

that none of us are without sin, okay?

Bacon, teen pregnancy.

I'm 25.

Wait, you're judging Erica
for getting pregnant?

No, the exact opposite!

And I'm gonna not-judge you next, okay?

'Cause I know what you did, Gail.

And there are some people at this table

who are not gonna be very happy with it.

'Cause I know that you...

barfed in the humidor.

I did not.

Gail, it was tortilla chips and Chardonnay!

I did not knowingly barf in the humidor.

- Gail, you got to clean that up.
- What?!

This comes from the girl who's
never once done the dishes?

Whatever. I throw them out the window.
Who cares?

Well, I think maybe you should start caring

a little bit more about a few things.

- What are you getting at, Gail?
- Okay, you know what, let's just...

- You know what? What? What? Calm down?
- Yes!

People fight!

That's life. Grow a pair.

All right, lines are getting crossed here.

Why is it that you think you're the one

to draw the line all the time?

Guess what, Erica, you're not
special, okay? You're just pregnant!

No, don't say "pregnant"
'cause Melissa might flip out!

- Screw you, Todd.
- See, out the window.

What do you know about anything anyway?

You're drunk by 10:00 a.m.

How dare you?

I wake up at 11:00!

Look at who started the whole damn thing!

- You just like to fight!
- You're the one

that's always yelling back and forth...

Friggin' idiot.

Unbelievable.

♪ ♪

Well, uh, I brought the bull back.

Was that too many tranqs?

Eh, he'll be fine.

Hey, everybody.

Can you give me a hand?

What do you need?

Well, I said I was gonna go find the bull,

then come back and get in the stocks.

So help me get in the stocks.

I thought you were lying
about all that stuff.

I was.

Now help me get in the stocks.

No, no, no, no, no.

Just sit down.

Eat with us.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

It looks good.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

♪ ♪

♪ Just a perfect day ♪

♪ Feed animals in the zoo ♪

♪ Then later a movie, too ♪

♪ And then home ♪

♪ Oh, it's such a perfect day ♪

♪ I'm glad I spent it with you ♪

♪ Oh, such a perfect day ♪

♪ You just keep me hanging on ♪

♪ You just keep me hanging on ♪

Sync and corrections by peterbrito
www.addic7ed.com