All language subtitles for En.therapie.S01E28.1080p.BluRay.DD+5.1.x264-SbR_track4_[eng]

You don’t have to come with me
every time.

Don’t you have stuff to do?

I like this neighborhood.
It makes a change from the shop.

- Sorry, I interrupted.
- No, it’s okay.

What were you going to say?

After your session, we could go
and buy you a Christmas present.

I don’t want anything.

I saw a little phone shop in the area.

I’ve already got a phone.

Remember traipsing all over Paris
for your 14th birthday present?

- Are you okay at the moment?
- Yeah, great.

What were going to say just then?

I have to go now.

I’ll be late.

I’ll wait here.

Shit!

IN THERAPY

CAMILLE,
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2015, 11 A.M.

It’s all gone to shit!

All week I’ve tried to do
what you asked me, but...

it’s a physical thing, I just can’t.

Whenever I try to talk to my mom,

the words just get stuck.

It’s a blockage in my throat
the whole time.

You can’t talk to her at all?

No, you know I can’t.

I can’t talk to her about..

I don’t know...

Lots of things.

I was surprised
to get your call yesterday.

I thought you were going
to your father in Brussels.

- I decided not to go.
- What happened?

I don’t know.

How did he take your decision?

I haven’t managed to tell him
to his face.

Then how does he know?

I haven’t been answering his calls
for a week.

He’s never called me so often!

Have you ever ignored him
like that before?

I don’t know.

I don’t really want to talk about it.

Are there other things
you’d like to talk about?

Saturday, at training,

we did some time trials before
the January gala with the French team.

And I came last.

Not second or third, but last,
behind all the other girls.

That had never happened to me before.

It was like...

was swimming through tar.

Nico said that with those times

he wouldn’t risk me
being in the January gala.

Do you need his authorization
to take part?

No, but he doesn’t want me to embarrass
myself in front of the French team.

All is not yet lost.

What do you know about it?

I won’t be going to the Olympics,
it’s screwed!

I’ve got a serious fucking problem!

I don’t think you have a problem.

Can’t you see?
It’s obvious I’m totally sick!

Okay, then,

explain in what way you’re sick.

I cry all the time, about nothing.

Normal people don’t do that.

Last night
I was looking at stuff online,

and I saw this photo...

What photo?

Bouquets of flowers
in front of the Bataclan.

And I broke down in tears.

Over stupid flowers!

Who the hell cries over flowers?

Many people, I assure you.

I didn’t know anyone at that concert.

The whole thing passed me by,
it’s awful.

I feel I’m always out of synch
with other people.

I don’t feel anything.

Perhaps, but we could also look at it
in another way.

You’re trying
to have empathy with others.

I told you it passed me by.

I’m not able to cry for the dead.

Your empathy with others

may be a result
of starting to accept your own feelings.

Cut the bullshit!

It doesn’t help.
Can’t you see I’m in a hole?

If you tell me once more
that I’m normal, I’m out of here!

I tried to kill myself under a car,

I wanted to swallow your pills,
and now this!

Is that normal?

What’s happening to me?

How long have you had that?

It just appeared.

Have you seen a dermatologist?

She was useless, talking about eczema.
I don’t think she had a clue.

Did she say
it could be linked to stress?

She might have,
but she was useless anyway.

Anxiety and stress
can manifest themselves in various ways.

Some people get cramp,

some get heartburn,
others, like you, get rashes.

Great, just a bit of stress!

Thanks, Doctor! Hand my mom the bill!

At this moment
you’re facing...

two pretty complex problems.
You’re trying to talk to your mother...

I can’t.

Yes, but you’re trying

to re-establish contact.

At the same time
you’re avoiding your father.

Two things you’ve never done before.

The thought of telling your mother
about your father’s infidelity,

and that of telling your father
you’re angry with him.

All of that is bringing
a lot of suffering to the surface.

Your rash is a symptom
of that suffering.

Your body can find no other way

to make you pay attention to a truth...

held too long in the subconscious.

What truth?

Something that’s bothering you,
that you can’t admit to yourself.

You could also see it as a good thing.

The manifestation of those symptoms
is an alarm bell.

Telling you that you’re getting warm.

- Getting warm?
- Yes.

You’re getting close.

Like the game
where you have to find a hidden object.

You get colder when you move away
and warmer when you get close.

The real danger
is an illness that tells us nothing.

That’s a reality that ends up killing us
without our being able to do anything.

Isn’t this real?

Am I getting warm now?

Why don’t you look?

You’re a doctor, aren’t you?

Camille...

Am I so monstrous
that you can’t even look at me?

So, do you still think I’m normal?

I’ve shocked you.

You’re no longer a little girl.

That’s for sure.

Little girls don’t want
to kill themselves.

Have you been thinking
about death again?

Could you explain why?

Everything’s falling apart around me
and I can’t stop it.

This week I remembered something
you told me during our first session.

When you were in the ambulance
after your accident.

They held a mirror up for you,
so you could see outside.

Instead, you saw your own reflection.
Do you remember?

Yeah, so?

I think that’s very symbolic
of the way you see things.

When things go bad around you,
you blame yourself.

When a situation becomes problematic,

you convince yourself
that you’re the problem.

You created a refuge
at your coach’s home.

When that fell apart,

you immediately concluded
that it was your fault, not Nicolas’s.

And to punish yourself
you rode your bike into that car.

If you consider yourself the problem,

even in the most perfect place,

everything will always fall apart.

Have you never thought that
Nicolas could be to blame for what happened?

It was my fault.

Why was it your fault?

Because... it was the second time.

The second time that what?

That I’d torn a family apart.

What makes you think
you were responsible?

I don’t know.

- How could you...
- I don’t know!

It’s important.

- Stop insisting!
- Camille...

Tell me the answer,
I’ll say it back to you!

Then you can tell everyone
you’ve cured me.

It’s up to you to find your answers.

And I really believe
you’re close to doing so.

I know you’re afraid.

Have you read the Bible?

What? Are you going to tell me
God will help me?

No, not exactly.

When did shrinks
start reading the Bible?

It’s an essential document
about the way humans think.

It’s interesting
how in the New Testament

God is always described as good,

while evil is always a human thing.

That vision of the world must be
one reason why Christianity spread.

Why, do you think?

- People like to think they’re crap.
- Exactly.

It’s easier to live in a world
where God is good and humans are bad

than in one where God is indifferent
and our fate is left to chance.

I don’t believe in God
so it makes no difference to me.

What I’m trying to explain

is that imagining that God is bad

or that your parents
are selfish or negligent

is the same thing.

It’s a terrifying thought.

It says that life has no meaning.

This is why children prefer to think

that the blame lies with them
and not their parents.

When your parents got divorced

you told me that you were going
to move in with your father in Brussels,

but that his girlfriend was against it,
and that caused them to break up.

Yes.

How long was it between your plan
to go to him and their break-up?

I don’t know. Two years?

And for all that time you were living
with your mother, who was depressed.

That’s a long time for a child.
Two years without a stable home.

My dad really wanted me
to live with him.

But that bitch didn’t.

For two years?

And why,
after your father broke up with her,

didn’t you move in with him?

It was too late.

I had my swimming,

and he..

Why?

What did I do
to make my dad stop loving me?

You didn’t do anything.

What’s wrong with this world?
All parents should love their children.

It’s more reassuring
to think in that way.

To think that a father couldn’t abandon
his daughter to start a new life.

To think that a mother
couldn’t sink into depression

and neglect her child.

And to think that a coach couldn’t abuse
his power over a young athlete.

None of it makes sense, right?

It’s cruel and absurd.

It means that the people
who say they love us

can be trapped in such contradictions

that they leave us unprotected
against human violence.

It’s easier to believe, then,
that it’s your fault.

You’ll still suffer
but at least there’s a reason.

If I’d told my mom about my dad,
would none of this happened?

It wasn’t for you to do.

It was too heavy a responsibility
for the little girl that you were.

Your father cheated on your mother,
you said nothing, he left.

For a child of your age,
that chain of events was too confusing.

So you told yourself it was your fault.

It was the only way
to make sense of the whole episode.

Do you honestly think
he left your mother

out of fear
that you would tell her the truth?

I found my diary

from when I was eight.

I wrote everything in it.

Actually, I wanted to check
if you were right.

What did you want to check?

If it had been hard for me to lie
to my mom about what my dad had done.

That’s very brave of you.

Do you want me to read what I found?

I’d be honored.

- Don’t laugh, I was only eight.
- I won’t, I promise.

So...

“Dear Hermione...”

I wrote it as if I was talking
to Hermione.

Hermione Granger.

Who was this Hermione to you?

Is that a joke?

No.

Hermione. Harry Potter.

- Don’t tell me you don’t know.
- Yes, yes...

Of course, Harry Potter.
My children have told me.

You’ve never read the books?

No.

And the films? Didn’t you take
your children to see them?

They passed me by too.

What era are you living in?

So, “Dear Briony...”

Hermione!

Yes, Hermione. Go ahead.

“Dear Hermione,

“today in France was a very dark day,

“like when Dolores Umbridge
took charge at Hogwarts.

“Sorry I haven’t written for ages.

“You must have missed me.

“I’ve missed you too.

“I should tell you everything
but I must hide some things,

“in case she reads them.

“At least you know these things exist,
so I’m not lying to you...”

That doesn’t make any sense!

Where did you keep your diary?

I just left it on my bedside table.

You never tried to hide it?

No.

It’s very revealing of who you are.

By confiding in Hermione

you were talking, at that age,
to someone who couldn’t let you down.

I think that by talking to Hermione
you were hoping your mother would hear.

You think I wanted my mom to read it?

Yes.

So that she’d ask you
what you were hiding.

You were saying, right before her eyes,
that you had a secret.

As you were hiding it,
you were trying to reveal it.

- In your letter to Melanie...
- Hermione!

Hermione.

You talk about a sad day.

Were you having problems at school?

No, I don’t think so.

I wrote that on Sunday, 6th May 2007.

Why are you smiling?

That date, I think,

is when Nicolas Sarkozy
was elected president. Around that time.

- Maybe I’m projecting.
- Yes, yes!

You’re right.

I remember now.

My dad was miserable
when Sarkozy won.

He said that he was going
to leave France,

and that I’d grow up in a shitty world.

What a dunce!

I hate him!

Who tells a little girl
that she has no future?

He was talking politics
while he was tearing our family apart!

Shit, I hate him! I really hate him!

You’ve been ignoring his calls
for a week.

He can die before I’ll answer!

So he’ll remain unaware
that you’re angry with him.

I don’t want to talk to him.

When you’re ready,

it’ll be good for us
to discuss what you’ll tell him.

Do you agree?

We’ll see.

Do you really think that the rashes
on my body come from my mind?

It doesn’t mean they’re not real.

Nor that they’re not exacerbated
by some external somatic cause.

I mean by some physical cause.

Ask your mother if she’s using
a different washing powder.

The dermatologist asked that.

It’s not the washing powder.

What else can I do?

You can try to forgive yourself.

Forgive myself for what?

For not having told your mother
about your father’s infidelity.

They were going to split up,
whatever you did.

You’re not responsible
for your parents’ actions.

Nor are you responsible for the actions
of your coach and his wife.

How do I forgive myself?

I think you’ve already begun.

The sudden emotion you felt,
seeing those flowers by the Bataclan,

was, I think, your way of having empathy
with the little girl you used to be.

With her suffering.

Forgiving yourself
won’t happen overnight.

It’s a long process.

You’ve been locked into this guilt
for a long time.

It’ll take time to get out.

But you must keep trying.

Do you know why?

Because you deserve to be happy.

Do you think I should try for
the January gala with the French team?

Do you want to?

Totally.

So there’s your answer.

What if I mess it up?

In front of everyone?

Have you ever really failed
in a competition?

Never.

I have to go. My mom wants
to buy me a Christmas present.

There are worse tortures!

See you in January, then?

- Merry Christmas, Doctor.
- Thank you.

Camille!

Good luck with the gala.

Thanks.

Look, it’s okay
if you don’t want a present.

We could go
for a hot chocolate somewhere.

A hot chocolate? I dunno.

I suppose we could do...

the shops.

I wouldn’t mind doing the shops.

The shops? That’s a great idea!

We could...

No, I choose!
We’ll go to Les Halles.

What is it?

Perfect, I love Les Halles.

Great!

Excuse me.

Hello.

- How much is a hot chocolate?
- 3.60.

A hot chocolate, please. Thanks.

No, I’ll get it.

Thanks.