All language subtitles for En.therapie.S01E26.1080p.BluRay.DD+5.1.x264-SbR_track4_[eng]

I’ll only be an hour.

I’ll see you after your biopsy.

No, it’ll be Dr. Falampin, not me.
But she’s very good.

I’ll be right in.

I know you don’t want me to come,
but I will.

What’s the point?

I don’t know, to discuss it with her.

I have to go, Dad, see you later.

Sorry.

IN THERAPY

ARIANE – MONDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2015, 9 A.M.

Thanks for seeing me like this,
out of the blue.

I was praying
you hadn’t filled this time slot.

Sorry to have called so early.

But... I don’t know,
I so needed to talk.

I even called Cédric,
but I got his voicemail.

Anyway, thanks.

Is it something to do with your father?

Yes, he’s come
to have a biopsy done.

- Cancer?
- Prostate.

How did you find out?

Andralgon in his bedside table.

I thought he lived in the south.

Yes.

But you kept on at me
that I should go and talk to my dad.

I was cursing you.

I ended up on my computer at 5 a.m.,

buying train tickets
to go the next morning to Avignon.

I didn’t have any operations
until Thursday.

So I called the head of the department
and got a couple of days off.

And on the train,
I hadn’t slept all night,

but I was like buzzing with electricity.

- I think I was angry.
- With whom?

With you, I think.

I hadn’t seen my dad for almost a year.

And I didn’t know
why I was on that train.

Well, I knew I had to see him.

But when I got off

and I saw, him on the platform...

I didn’t recognize him.

He looked so old.

I don’t know when he got so old
and so skinny.

His clothes swamped him.

In fact, he looked like someone
who was ill.

It was that night
that I found his medication.

It’s a treatment to bring down
the testosterone level.

It works like a chemical castration,
but it prevents metastasis.

How long has he been ill?

Over six months.

We had a huge quarrel.

He wouldn’t listen to me, it was like
he’d decided to let himself die.

We screamed at each other
for at least half an hour.

After that I couldn’t sleep.

Except that this time
it was him I was angry with.

- Did you get him to see reason?
- Yes, the next morning.

I agreed to spend Christmas with him.

And he consented
to see my oncologist colleague.

So now he’s in Paris
for a biopsy and the whole shebang.

He’ll be here all week.

It must be nice to have him here,
if you haven’t seen him for a year.

Well, almost a year.

I’m not that awful a daughter!

You think not seeing him for a year
would make you an awful daughter?

I don’t know.

What do you think?

Children have their own lives.

There’s that tough moment when the child
must look after the parent.

The roles are reversed,
and now you’re the parent.

That’s ironic in my case, right?

Why is it ironic?

You send me
to settle my scores with my dad,

to tell him how negligent he was
about looking after me,

and now I end up looking after him,
once again.

Did you talk to him about it?

Even better, he talked to me about it.

This weekend he did a major mea culpa.

Meaning?

He took me to a restaurant to say
that he’d hesitated for a long time...

but that in the end he’d decided
not to tell me about his cancer,

because he didn’t want to put me
through the same hell as with my mom.

Then he said he was full of remorse,

he’d been a bad father,
and he no longer wanted to be a burden.

He also said that after my mom died

he decided not to tell anyone
if ever he got cancer.

He didn’t want to end up like her,
all skin and bones and on chemo...

with tubes stuck everywhere.

He didn’t want me
to keep that image of him.

After this unburdening,
how did you feel?

I cried a lot.

I didn’t have much to say.

I didn’t comfort him or forgive him.

Then, in the end,
it just came out naturally.

I stopped crying and I told him.

You told him what?

About Serge.

I felt sorry for him.

It was like he was hoping
for some sort of redemption.

The condemned man taking a bow,

hoping to hear how admirable he was.

Well done, thank you!

Was it the right moment
to bring that up?

We were in the restaurant.
He’d chosen a Chinese.

He ordered loads of different dishes,
thinking I’d like it.

I hate Chinese food.

- Your father didn’t know that?
- No.

Does your dad know what you like?

Do parents ever know
their children’s tastes?

I’m not so sure.

So, as he was dipping a spring roll
in the sweet and sour sauce,

I told him.

What did you tell him?

The essential.

And he said, “I suspected it.”

Then he went on dipping.

That was all?

Yes.

Just, “I suspected it.”

It moved him no more than that.

No.

He wasn’t angry.

No.

But I think that at that moment
he was afraid to meet my eyes.

“I suspected it.”

I don’t think he knew.

What did you mean by “the essential”?

I told him that I’d slept with Serge,

that it was in the past,
was no big deal,

but that since it had come up
at my psychiatrist’s, then I...

I needed to talk to him about it.

But that he shouldn’t worry.

“No big deal”?

“He shouldn’t worry”?

- I wasn’t going to go into detail!
- Why not?

That’d be disgusting, he’s my dad!

And he has cancer, remember.

But I did tell him.
That in itself is a big step.

Do you regret telling him?

I went to see him to please you.

To please me?

Yes.

I went out of respect
for our grand final session.

Anyway, it’s nice of you to see me.

I was sure
you’d have got a replacement.

Your time slot is still free.

Thanks.

Don’t thank me. It often happens

that a patient needs to come back.

My door is always open.

Does it often happen that they come back
one week after stopping?

It depends.

Sometimes they come back
several months later,

sometimes I never see them again.

Did you know I’d be back?

No.

But I’m glad you are.

Did you miss me?

Yes.

Really?

Really.

I must confess
I was afraid I’d never see you again.

Does that often happen
with your patients?

No.

No?

Am I making you uneasy?

No.

No, it’s just that...

why are you only telling me now?

I think it’s time you knew.

What?

You were right, it’s mutual.
I have feelings for you.

I think about you a lot.

I even miss you, at times.

No, to be honest,
I miss you all the time.

It’s strange,
you don’t seem happy about it.

Yes, I am.

But I don’t really understand.

I wasn’t expecting it.

No, to tell the truth,
I find it hard to believe.

I’m speaking from the heart.

Okay.

So what do we do now?

I don’t know.

I don’t like this, you’re acting weird.

Are we no longer in therapy?
Do we do what we want?

What do you think?

But...

is this... a test?

Is it a strategy?

What exactly is going on?

You stir me, Ariane.

But there’s something wrong,
it’s too weird.

The border between the imaginary and reality
has gone.

That’s the disturbing weirdness.

It was too good to be true!

I don’t know what I was imagining.

What can I do to convince you?

And now?

I don’t know.
It’s you who came and sat here.

Shall I come closer?

Proximity can at times be frightening.

I’ve known worse!

It’s mad how it can all
go “live” like that, in a few seconds.

Meaning?

This wasn’t meant to happen.

Then what was meant to happen, Ariane?

Has something happened?

Something like a translation
from fantasy to reality?

What is it that’s gone “live”, Ariane?

Where are you?

What are you thinking about?

Serge.

Did the fantasy with Serge
go “live” for him too?

When it became real,

was it not at all what you’d imagined?

That fantasy wasn’t sexual, or was it?

You were looking more for...

A deliverance.

A deliverance?

Yes.

No, I’m being a real drama queen here!

A fucking deliverance!

How ridiculous.

No, it’s not ridiculous at all.

You were looking for someone
to receive your suffering,

someone to be there for you
because you needed that.

Maybe.

What did you want Serge
to deliver you from?

From my virginity.

You must have had your choice of boys.

I’ve told you,
boys weren’t interested in me.

I wanted a real guy.

What is a real guy?

Am I a real guy too?

Do you want me
to go back to my chair?

I’ll tell you a story
that happened to me.

In school.

When I was 14
I was in love with my biology teacher.

She was in her thirties.

I wrote her poetry
which I slipped into her pigeonhole.

And I explained, in letters,

that girls of my age didn’t interest me.

They didn’t understand me.

I’d have done anything
to get her attention.

One day I stayed after class
to help her clean up in the science lab.

And when I’d finished,

I don’t know where I found the courage,

but I told her I wanted to kiss her.

Do you know, what she did?

She turned the light off.

I could feel her breath on my face,
I could hear her breathing...

She stayed like that for a moment,
and then she said,

“Come on, kiss me.”

She took her glasses off,
leaned over me,

moved her hand closer to mine,

her mouth was right there...

Do you know what I did?

No.

I fled.

When her hand brushed mine,
I cravenly fled in the dark,

to the door and out into the light.

Why did you run away?

I panicked.

Nothing had happened
the way I’d imagined it.

You must have wondered what would
have happened if you had kissed her.

I still wonder.

But I’ll remember that all my life.

I think it was a tipping point
in my life.

And, in a way, my biology teacher
sealed my sexuality that day.

I’ll always be grateful to her for that.

- For what? For scaring you?
- No.

For giving me
the chance to understand

what I was about to do.

He didn’t give me that chance.

No.

No.

He didn’t turn the light off either.

And the stars weren’t enough.

He wanted to see every bit of me.

He said my body was...

superb!

He wanted you to feel like a woman,
and not like a child.

He undressed me,

and asked me to stand up.

And as I got up

I activated the automatic lights
in the garden.

Then he made me turn around.

In that cold light.

It made me dizzy.

But I’d so wanted it to happen

that I wasn’t afraid.

Maybe you weren’t afraid
because you didn’t know

what was going to happen.

What had you imagined?

That it would all be so romantic.

I thought that by doing it he’d save me.

That he’d make me forget all my past.

But that’s not what happened.

Tell me what did happen.

It was a long time ago,
I don’t remember.

Try.

Try to remember.

He looked at me.

He told me that I was a woman now,

that I was ready.

And to prove it he stood up.

He undressed.

He showed me...

the effect I had on him!

He told me he’d never been so hard.

Then he spat in his hand and...

In fact, it was disgusting.

I think that was when I wanted to run.

To escape.

But to go where?

And he’d told me I was ready.

So that meant I was ready.

Ariane,

listen to me.

You must understand
that none of what happened

was your fault in any way.

I kissed him.

He didn’t give you
the possibility of choosing.

He failed you.

When I was in my
fourth or fifth year of med school,

I did a pediatrics internship.

The first examination I did
was for a lumbar puncture on a young boy.

He was with his mom,

who was very proud of him.

She kept saying, “You have to be brave,
you’re a big boy now.”

And he was brave because he kept
telling himself he wasn’t scared.

But a lumbar puncture is...

horrible,
it’s unbearably painful for a kid.

I wanted to do the same as his mom,

telling him how brave I thought he was,

and that I was proud of him.

Then he turned his back to me.

I found L4-L5.

And I pushed the needle into his spine.

He didn’t scream.

He just turned his head
and stared at me.

I don’t think he was expecting that.

He just stared at me, in silence.

But I could see it in his eyes
that I’d failed him.

Then he said he was seeing stars.

And we immediately stopped the procedure
so that he wouldn’t pass out.

Like the stars you were looking at
in the garden with Serge.

You didn’t know what to expect either.

I wanted him to cure me, to save me,

to take me far away,
far away from my dad.

I wanted to run away.

Have I screwed up again?

I stopped you because I care about you.

I’m sorry.

I feel desire for you.

I don’t know what to do.

Stop thinking.

That’s just it.
If I stop thinking, I’ll hurt you.

I don’t understand you now.

I think I love you,
and I don’t want to hurt you.

I’m trying to work out how to help you.

I’m here, it’s simple,
you just have to kiss me.

You think it’s just by chance
you fell in love with me here?

You don’t think it’s related
to your experience with Serge?

To the trauma which we managed to...

bring to the surface
after a year of analysis?

Serge didn’t save you, he broke you.

He broke your ability to communicate
with men in other ways than sexually.

Is wanting to sleep with you so bad?

I don’t think you want
to make love to me.

When I sat next to you, you panicked.

You think
that if you don’t sleep with me

you’ll no longer interest me
and I’ll disappear.

No. That’s rubbish.

The second I touch you,

you won’t be able to stop yourself
feeling that I’ve failed you.

That I’ve used you, as Serge did.

That I’m pathetic and disgusting,
like him.

I can’t allow myself
to fail you in that same way, Ariane.

Maybe you’re right.

Maybe you’ll always remind me of Serge,
and I’ll never break from my past.

But deep down
you know there’s something between us.

What’s happened here is real, right?

That’ll be my dad.

He must be out.

Yes.

Now we just have to wait
for the results.

- What do I owe you?
- No, not this time.

- Why?
- It wasn’t really a session.

- See you soon.
- Who knows.

It’s impossible to talk to you!

I’m just saying that it would make
your gran and granddad happy.

Your brother and me too.