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Let's inhale...

and exhale.

Let's stretch our right leg,

and make sure our hip
is firmly on the ground.

LITERARY WONDER
MADDALENA GENTILI

Let's hold the pigeon position
for a while,

and stretch our spine and exhale.

Let's open our eyes, gently and smoothly.

Feel the stretch in our spine,
while our chest is opening.

Let's inhale.

Let's point our feet to the ground,
stand up and get into downward dog.

Let's grab our right toes...

and exhale.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

"Recent studies show
that the writer Jane Austen

was crazy about avocados."

Good luck with your work, honey.
I'll pick you up at 9:00 p.m.

I love you, Vanni.

...Eva couldn't...

STILL SEXY

Well, I haven't ordered this.

Thank you.

Wow, honey! Our apple.
You had it done for me?

I can't believe it.
It looks very good, too.

But tonight, we celebrate your success
as the new director, not mine.

Being with you
is my greatest success, Maddina.

"Madda."

Hooray.

Oh, my. It's so yummy.

Darling, among all the women I've met--

You're starting to propose with,
"Among all the women I've met"?

How many are there?

Let me finish.

Among all the women I've met,
you're the simplest one.

"Simple"? What kind of proposal is this?

We're here for one reason only.
Will you marry me?

Sure. But tonight, you won't get lucky.

Great. Great. Wow, they are so cool!

- Oh, my God. Are you for real?
- Never been as real as today.

- Will you marry me?
- Sure, I will!

But... Them, too?

Incredible.

They are so young.

- Is it good?
- Yes.

- Diana, will you marry me?
- Yes!

Is this a popular place for proposals?
What's happening?

Plus, getting married
is not that convenient anyway.

Every night we are in bed,

you want to read War and Peace,

but then you look at marriage proposals
on social media.

You organized all this?

All by yourself? You're totally crazy.

I'm crazy about you.

Maddalena Gentili,

will your share your bookshelves with mine
for the rest of our life?

Yes, sure I will!

Oh, my God!

My fingers are a bit swollen. Here.

Oh, my God! It's huge.

Oh, my God!

- Are you there yet?
- Yes, I'm almost there.

Just a little more. But I actually...

- Can we watch something?
- Okay.

No! Sorry, honey, no!

It's a friend. Well, not a friend.

She looks like
a former schoolmate of mine.

A convent school. And I can't do it
if I think about the nuns.

- Shall we switch?
- Yes.

Thanks.

Oh, my God!

Yes, my God, go on.

I'll get some water.

- I'll be back.
- I'll be here...

Bye, Grazia. So...

See you for your next ultrasound check.
Call us, if you need something.

- Bye.
- Okay, thank you.

- Madda!
- Hi, Mom.

Sweetie, I didn't expect to see you.

- How nice. Come here.
- Surprise.

You look good.

Thank God you're here.
I can't stand your sister anymore.

- She needs a holiday.
- I wish, Mom.

- Hello. Mothers never have holiday.
- Yeah.

Especially with three kids,
it's like forced labor.

Don't sweat too much.

I gave birth. Forty stitches.

I remember that.
But now I'm doing everything.

Actually, do something.
The milk is warming up.

Please, not more than 37 degrees.

Can't you give her cold milk?

She'd get abdominal cramps,
and I'll have to deal with it.

- You are a great male mom.
- "Male mom."

So, family, since we're all gathered here,
I have some news for you.

...which force us to face
many changes every day...

Confrontation, tension, passion,
this is a great journey...

- Mom, are you chatting?
- What?

Give me my privacy.

You're obsessed with this program.

- Turn it off. I'm talking!
- No. Wait.

The episode is starting.
There is this couple.

I have to see if they'll break up

or if they'll screw up and stay together
and have kids.

- I've heard you.
- No, Maddale', come on.

Shut up! Family, I'm getting married!

- Are you?
- What?

Are you? Auntie is getting married!

Sweetie! I thought I'd never see the day.

Thanks, Mom.

- Maddalena, are you sure?
- Yes.

I know you're busy with your kids,
but will you be my bridesmaid?

You and Stefano, of course.

Sure! I'll be my sister's bridesmaid!

Oh, my God! How cool!
I'll find the time. Oh, my God!

- I have to be the maid of honor.
- Okay.

- Better than being a simple bridesmaid.
- All right.

Look, let's talk business.
Hen party. Okay?

How about a nice trip?
We'll go very far away.

Let's be sure there's phone reception.

Congrats, little sister-in-law.

- But--
- The milk.

- The milk!
- Go.

So, I haven't organized anything yet.

But it has to be a perfect wedding

because Vanni will invite
many important people.

Not that you're not, of course.
But I mean...

But there will be members of the cultural
and publishing community. No mistakes.

What about it? What mistakes?

- It's your wedding, you are the boss.
- Exactly.

Yes...

Someone is making you nervous.

No, Mom, no.

- No, Adelaide is not only a mother-in-law.
- Is she a friend?

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting
the most famous wedding planner in Rome.

Hello, True Love Marriage Agency.
How can I help you?

Are you pretending to be a virgin?

No!

Why are you back now?

You tell me.
I'd rather be in a male changing room.

- But duty calls.
- Go away!

I'm also happy to see you.

Hi, Vale.

You still like touching me.

At least you haven't changed that.

I've practiced sport, and lost some kilos.

You taught me to love myself as I am,
in whatever shape or form.

Are you justifying yourself?

I agree.

Why have a firm ass if you don't use it?

What was that clown show with Vanni?

What clown show?

"Yes!

"Yes!"

Shut up! You are obsessed with sex!

There are other important things.
Vanni is a great person.

We are meant for each other.
He's my half of the apple.

Are you faking an orgasm
with the man you want to marry?

Because of women like you, there are many
men who can't tell a urethra from a clit.

Do you always come?

Unless I'm constipated, or tired.

When I have my period, I'd rather go anal.
But I've never faked orgasm.

And definitely not to get a ring.

You still need me.

Absolutely not.

Maddalena Gentili?

Absolutely. It's me.

It's so nice to have you here, Maddalena.
We work with many important people,

- and it's lovely to have you here.
- Thank you.

- I definitely need a hand.
- You're in the right place.

I know the latest trends. It'll be
a very Instagrammable wedding.

If I may say so myself,
my weddings are unforgettable.

Although, sometimes, they break up.
And I organize divorce parties as well.

Come, make yourself comfortable.

Honey, I'm late.

I had a setback.
I met an old friend of mine.

No worries. We are waiting for you.

I'll go buy something
at the pastry shop, okay?

No, don't waste your time.
We just need you.

There's one here. I'll get something,
and I'll be there soon.

Okay, don't be late. You know my mom.

- No, I know.
- Bye.

Bye.

- Open up.
- Since when have you had this block?

Again? I have no block.
You're blocking me. Let me out.

Any vaginal dryness? Itching?

Do you get any of those
with the vibrating rabbit?

Vale, I have no time. I'm late.

- Are you still here?
- I've tried calling you 40 times.

- We are no longer together.
- Whose van is this?

- I have to talk to you.
- I can't help you with your problems.

- We fucked the other day.
- You insisted.

Did I? Do you pity me? Fuck off.

Get a haircut, you moron.

Is that a knife?

Sorry, do you think it's normal
to block the road for your business?

The whole road? Come on.

That woman had to go all the way around
to pass through.

Ma'am...

sorry.

See?

Guys like you
think they can get away with anything.

Guys like me? What do you mean?

Arrogant people. Ignorant people.

Chauvinists. Pathological narcissists.

That's a great way to offend.

- Typical of women like you.
- What?

You buy pastry in a fancy shop
for your mother-in-law.

€100 worth of pastry won't change
the fact that she doesn't like you.

Please, Princess, I'll move my chariot.
I'm late.

She provoked me. It's not my fault.

See what that guy had in his jeans?

A great ass.

Maddalena, finally.

Hello, Adelaide. Sorry for being late.

- Hi, honey.
- Hello.

- Erminio, how are you?
- Hello.

Don't worry, cherie,

Judy's vitello tonnato is good
when served cold, too.

Judi, please serve us.

I'm so proud of him,

because he's the youngest director
in the history of the Book Fair.

Obviously, I would be very upset
if he didn't get the job.

They owe me so much.

By the way,
I have a list of some wonderful writers

who want to take part in your panels.
That's good, isn't it?

Thank you, Mum, but I can manage it.

- Good.
- I think you should start with Niccolò.

Or Teresa. She bought the dammuso

- next to ours, you know?
- She did?

At last, some new faces.
Always the same people in Pantelleria.

Why don't we go on holiday to Ostia
this year?

- For a change, right?
- Since he retired,

Erminio can't pick on his
university students anymore and fail them,

so he picks on me.

- Erminio, I feel you.
- Let's keep in touch.

Enough with work.

We have some news.

You finished your book? Awesome.

Mom, I said enough with work.

Maddalena and I are getting married.

- Wonderful!
- Really?

Do people still do it?

Yes, Mom. Love is still fashionable.

But Adelaide is right,
it's not that common anymore.

A toast to you. Be happy.

Thank you.

Judi, what about the pastries
Maddalena brought?

You brought some petites madeleines.

"Proust perfume."

Great.

But we'll do something original
for the wedding.

Not the same old ceremony
organized by a wedding planner.

No, of course. I would never...

I would never call a wedding planner.

Those weddings are so fake.

Right. And we don't want anything fake.

"Yes."

Besides mechanized tongues.
They never get tired.

I'll introduce you
to a divine art director.

His name is Roberto.
And I know a great place.

A nursery with a great greenhouse.

We should organize it there.
I'll send you the contact.

When you go there,
ask for Bruno the florist. He's great.

Incredible, he looks like
one of Pasolini's characters.

Adelaide, what a great idea!
Thank you. I love plants.

- Shall we go this week?
- I wish, honey.

My agenda is full
because of the Book Fair.

You go.
I'll be happy with whatever you pick.

Right. The brides own the wedding.
We are just accessories.

Madeleine. You'll love it.

I would have never
dreamt of getting married,

but you getting married? It's sci-fi.

- Come on.
- "Come on?"

Do you remember how you subjugated
to the worst assholes?

Leonardo wasn't an asshole.

When you became successful,
he got upset, and ghosted you.

He was a bit insecure.
Probably we weren't a good match.

But Vanni...

Love is a riddle.

- Have you ever solved one? What is it?
- What are you doing? No!

This is plastic.

But it's wet!

Also the wet one goes there.

Maddalena can teach you so much.

Maddalena Gentili.

Yes. Do I know you?

Claudio, owner of the nursery,
Piante & Fiori, since 1995.

- Stefano.
- My bridesman.

Adelaide told me to treat you well.

And I always do what Adelaide tells me to.

What a classy writer, huh?
Have you also written a book?

- Yes. Have you read it?
- Are you crazy?

My daughter is a fan of yours.
Can we take a selfie? I'll send it to her.

Yes, sure.

She's going to get mad.

Since my daughter loves you
and Adelaide has sent you,

I'll give you a good discount,
whatever green stuff you need.

Thanks a lot.

Even if I wanted to rent
the nursery for the wedding?

Now, I see. Adelaide said,
"They'll ask you something very peculiar."

I don't know. That would be a first.

Let's go to the greenhouse. Follow me.

- Let's go. Look.
- Yes.

How nice. See how nice it is?

In the back.

What are you looking at?

- Marijuana would grow well here.
- No, Stefano.

What? Marijuana is a plant.

Watch out for the steps.

BIG
GREENHOUSE

This place is very cool.

Adelaide is always right.

For the staging, you have to talk
to Bruno, the gardener.

He's the florist in here.

Bruno! There are some customers.

She'd like to get married
in the greenhouse.

I can't believe it.

Me neither.

Nice to meet you. Bruno.

Stefano. Maddalena.

I'll leave you to it. I'll pick
some strawberries for my daughter.

She's the bride.
I'm the bachelor of honor.

Are you getting married?

Why in here?

A customer of yours suggested it to me.
My mother-in-law, Adelaide.

The writer is your mother-in-law.

- Good luck.
- Adelaide is adorable.

A mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
not getting along is a cliché.

Adelaide spoke very highly of you.

At your service.

It's hot in here, right?

I'd like some pots of apple trees.
With their fruit.

What else?

Will the waiters pick them to make
healthy, fresh juice for your guests?

- Great idea.
- Impossible.

- You said, "At your service."
- We need 30 to decorate the greenhouse.

Where should I get them from?
And you want them with fruit.

I can see you don't like ordinary things.

If you want to get married,
you'll get it how it is.

Which is quite cool, actually.
Small apple trees seem a bit--

- Kind of loopy?
- Right. Exactly what--

- Ste'... Go.
- I'll go see the plants.

Nature can't be bought.

If the apple trees don't want
to produce fruit, they simply won't.

They can't be controlled.

If you change your mind,

the greenhouse and I
will be at your service.

- I don't want a normal wedding.
- I wish you the best.

Come on. Let's go. I don't like this guy.

I won't get married here.
I must talk to Adelaide.

No, I can't. I need a lemon.

Now. It's urgent.

Bruno. Sorry. I'd need a lemon.

Choose one for me.

Caveman, ignoramus, boor.

With those tattooed arms.
Very big arms. I hate tattoos.

What is it?

- Can't you smell something?
- Flowers? Look around you.

No. The smell of a guy. Pure testosterone.

The kind that makes you lose your hair.
He would be hot, even bald.

I'm not interested. I hate him.

- Great for some hate fucking.
- What?

You hate him,
but at the same time, you find him hot.

Can't you read your emotions?

It's bad. Let's go.

I'm not going anywhere.

That's the problem.

- Where are we going?
- We'll go through the subconscious portal.

What is this thing?
Are we going through portals now?

I did an upgrade.

- Oh, my. Am I pregnant?
- No.

Luckily, you're great
when it comes to contraception.

Why am I getting a scan
with that thing, then?

My tools of the trade.

Can you tell me
what there is in your stomach?

Gastric juice? Reflux? Ulcer?

Butterflies. In your stomach. Love.

You're falling in love.

But also a simple attraction, adrenaline,
or maybe just anxiety or stress.

Madda, you have to learn
how to recognize your emotions.

You can't ignore them.

I know that well. Ouch!

Don't get distracted.
What if I asked you where the rage is?

No, think about it.

Right. Your head explodes,
and your muscles get tense.

So, what is this pressure I feel here?
It's like...

Anguish.

Is happiness in one's heart?

In your heart, in your mind,

on your skin, in your whole body.

You can feel it only
when you are being consistent.

- And to finish off...
- What are you doing? Come on!

Oh, my God. It's on fire!

- How can I put it out?
- You can't.

Bruno makes you hot.

Your body is one with your mind.

Ignoring its signals
is making you unhappy.

Be kind with yourself,
get in touch with your emotions,

try to understand
where they come from, and why.

You have to be present, Madda!

As the nuns used to say,
"You are intelligent, but lazy."

Now the nuns were right! Come on!

- Miss Maddalena, hello.
- Yes?

Are you the daughter
of Mrs. Grazia? Great.

Your mother has basically finished.

Now, we'll unwrap her,
so you can take her back home.

We worked a lot and we are a bit tired.

No, because if my daughters see you...

What's wrong with that?

- I haven't told them.
- Because you are ashamed.

- You're ashamed, because I'm ugly.
- No, but...

- And you're gorgeous. I'm coming...
- Stop.

- Look who's here.
- Come on!

You are gorgeous,
while I'm about to expire.

- Don't say so.
- You deserve better.

Who else would give me
a new wig every week?

- They are meant for sex.
- Okay.

- I'd get cremated with you.
- Come on!

Shall we buy a crematory oven?
Come on, it will be fun!

We'll have sex for eternity. Sex as dust.

No! Be respectful.
People are suffering here.

- Who is suffering more than us?
- Me.

I feel like I'm in school.

- Hi, Mom. Let's go.
- Hello.

- Yes.
- Good evening.

Lucio, a friend of mine.

- Nice to meet you.
- Maddalena.

Your mom keeps on talking about you.
And about your sister.

I wish she would have told me about you.

- She didn't think we'd last so long.
- What...

No, I mean, our friendship...

- She didn't think it would go on.
- Okay.

Mom, my parking fee is expiring.
Come on. Let me help you.

- Nice meeting you, Lucio.
- Goodbye, Maddalena.

- Video call me.
- Sure.

Goodbye, Sister. Sorry about that.

Sister?

Tell me!

The head nurse is very good,
but she doesn't know how to have fun.

- Your friend is full of it.
- Nice, right?

Yes, a bit too much.

- How long have you known him?
- Love at first sight at the hospital.

Mom, don't make fun of these things.

So, what do you think about a wedding
in a greenhouse, among the plants?

And among the mosquitos? Come on,
with all the nice churches in Rome.

Yes, but we wanted something different.

Who? You and Vanni?

Yes, Mom. Vanni and me. We thought
about it during lunch at his parents'.

At his parents'.

No, let me just say one thing, Madda.
This is your wedding.

You must like it.
And Vanni, too, of course.

It has to reflect you. As your book does.

How come it had so much success?

- Because it was sincere.
- Of course, it was.

The first book was an ironic biography.

But it was also deep.

It was a success because the world
is filled with insecure girls

who lack self-confidence,
as she used to be, by the way.

Adelaide has hit the nail on the head.

I think her communication strategy
is to remove

that feel of ordinary and common,
typical of the girl-next-door.

Maddalena is pop, though.
And that's her strength.

- They're talking about me.
- No, they're masturbating.

Shame is only mind masturbation.

Honey.

- We were waiting for you.
- Here I am.

- Hello, everybody. Hello.
- Hi.

- Hello, Madda.
- Hello.

Let me get you a glass.

You're a nice cuddly cat, but too furry.

Here's your glass, Maddina.

I think that Maddalena's story
has to be told like a mix of genres,

a crossover, a mashup,

let's say a new Sally Rooney
featuring Elena Ferrante,

using pop culture as an inspiration.

I'd like to know, first of all,
what this novel talks about.

Sure.

Tell her you don't even know that.

It's a typical story of my generation,

about us having
a complex relationship with love.

The main themes are
understanding, intertwining,

- meeting our half of the apple.
- A love story. Pure avant-garde.

You stole my quote.

- Madda...
- No! Actually,

the main character is a woman
with many nuances,

and that makes it difficult for her
to define herself

inside a steady relationship.

I mean, in general.

Why do you care about the opinion
of this witch?

Relationships, of course,
but also feminism.

It's a romantic love story,
but a classy one, not a romcom.

Not a novel
you would buy at the newsagent's.

- We have to organize a promotional tour.
- Sure.

- Who shall we involve? Where? So?
- I was thinking...

Let me get one more bottle of champagne.

Madda, your draft...

She'll send it. Soon. I promise.

Let's hope a taxi will be here soon, too.
Do you have taxis here?

Let's share a car.

Talking about the outskirts,
how did it go at the nursery?

Great. I mean--

All my friends are crazy
about your wedding at a greenhouse.

It's so chic.

I haven't had the chance to see it yet.

- No?
- No?

But the wedding will be there for sure.

Please, s'il te plaît, fix the date

before someone else steals your idea.

Okay.

- Honey.
- Honey, no. I haven't finished yet. Out.

Lock the door, then.

Do you feel ashamed?

No, I don't. But it's not nice.

Maddina. You are cute
even when you sit on the toilet.

So, we have the architect's sketches.

We can create a study room for me
in the room next to the bookshelves.

No books will be mistreated.

What do you say?

No, it's right. Of course.

You'll need your space
with all the work you'll have.

Good.

Look, are you sure
the greenhouse is a good idea?

Sure. Why?

We don't have to do what my mother says.

If you are not convinced,
we'll choose another place.

No, I trust your mom's taste.

It will be wonderful.

It will be wonderful,
because it will be the two of us.

What is it?

Nothing. I can't write lately.

In my first book, I was talking about me
with irony. It was easier, I guess.

Maybe I've lost my touch.

You haven't lost anything.
It's the curse of the second book.

You have to imagine it's already out.

You're writing your third.

In the third book,
the author writes what he wants.

- Okay.
- I'll wait for you in bed, Maddina.

"Madda."

There are moments when...

AAAAHHHH!!! Helpppp!

Why am I doing this!

Help... I've run out of ideas...

No, Vale, it's no time for lessons.

It's the perfect time, actually.

- If you don't leave, I'll water you.
- I know how to get myself wet.

And I'm not real, anyway. While you are.

Even if you look like
the shadow of yourself.

Thank you.

You're your own worst enemy.

You do nothing, but restrict yourself,
restrain yourself, and censor yourself.

You should go over the limit.

Come with me.

Where?

Let's cross the limit.

Come.

Yes.

Do you realize, Miss,
that you've peed keeping your door open?

Objection, Honorable Judge,
she was at her place.

- Her future husband was there.
- That's sexy.

Objection overruled.

For this reason,

where were you the first time you farted
before your fiancé?

Objection, Honorable Judge,

love and the intestinal past
of the accused

are not connected with the proceedings.

Objection overruled.

Yes, we were in bed.
But I was sleeping, I swear.

You weren't sleeping. You were faking it.

And you moved the sheets to dissimulate.

Come on, everybody does that.

Sure, let's throw away civilization,
good taste, and our reputation.

My client has all the rights to be gross.

"Gross" is maybe a bit too much.

Being gross, Counselor,
exposes us to other people's judgement.

We're talking about a woman.

Prejudices. Women do terrible things.
They eat with their mouths open,

they burp, they pick their noses
when the traffic light is red,

they curse, and they don't always
wash themselves that much.

If there is something
my client is guilty of

it's the dull standard
she has imposed on herself,

and which don't allow her
to have a free life,

both at work and in bed.

Maddalena Gentili is no longer capable

of eating whipped cream
and getting her nose dirty.

She doesn't bear being disheveled,
not even in winter,

and she has thrown away
all her period underpants!

How can you wear a thong
while having your period? That's a crime.

If you accuse her
of not acting womanly enough,

we are all proudly guilty.

And accepting not to be it, for Maddalena,

would be the only way to be herself again.

A happy Maddalena. And I rest my case.

The hearing is adjourned.

I'd really like to get married here, so...

I... Look, Bruno... Let's call it a truce.

No, it would seem like we've fought...

I mean more of a compromise.

Right. We have to negotiate on this.

I'll do this.

I don't think my mom
would trust a criminal.

Are you sure about what you saw?

Yes, I'm telling you.

All right. When I come back
from the Book Fair, we'll go together.

I'm sorry you have to deal
with everything.

- No.
- And with a book to write.

By the way...

Two young American writers who sell a lot.

Take inspiration, steal.
Copy, even the best ones do it.

- Thanks.
- Focus on the book.

Don't think about the gardener
who is not part of our life.

Right, of course.

- Will you promise me?
- Yes, sure.

Great.

Beetroot spaghetti with pecorino cream.

Here we have zucchini flowers
filled with ricotta and Provencal herbs.

- So good, bravo.
- Is it good?

- Is it good?
- Thank you.

Are you taking it away? It'll go to waste.

No offense. Great taste. Well balanced.

- Take it away. Next.
- The balance of the flavors... Thank you.

Thank you, Maddalena. We're off.

It'll go to waste.

Maddalena, now some mise en place.

- Is that it?
- This is better. This one.

Ta-da!

I see. The tulip-neck.
Hides your best feature.

Your best feature.

Nice!

It's not good for a wedding.

- The one before.
- C'est parfait.

Elegance with no effort.
I love that cape style.

- Isn't that tulle?
- Wasn't that orgasm?

- Organza.
- Organza.

- Do you have to go somewhere later?
- Me? No, why?

- You're all dressed up.
- Thank you.

- What is it?
- Come.

- We have to understand where he is.
- Who?

That criminal.

I'm scared of him.
I don't want him at my wedding.

- We have to invent something.
- What, though?

- Where are you going? Don't leave me here.
- Come.

You're nuts.

- What is it?
- They're perfect.

- They're awful.
- They're perfect!

- Put it on.
- No.

It took me three hours to get dressed.

- And the hat.
- I've just washed my hair.

We've to be unrecognizable.

Why am I listening to you?

- You're my bridesbachelor.
- That's right.

- How do I look?
- Great.

You don't.

- What a nice pot.
- Nice, huh?

- We have to find the criminal.
- Yes.

- Do you remember him?
- I've dreamt about him.

- What is this smell?
- Not me. I've taken a shower.

It's manure.

Then we put the soil.

Here they are. Hide!

- It's them.
- They're working.

This is a violation of privacy.

Not every good thing is legal.

It's been three hours already.

Don't you have a wedding to organize,
a book to write, a life of your own?

- Can you keep it?
- Don't let me...

- You're my bridesbachelor.
- "Bridesbachelor."

Damn. No matter how you frame him,
he's hot. Look at that.

Guys.

I'm afraid you were right. Look.

- Zoom in!
- I will.

- I can't zoom anymore.
- What a drag.

See that?

Hot and bad. Even sexier.

Is he sexy? Do you think so?

Quiet.

- He saw us.
- He's coming here.

Wait. Come.

- Shit.
- Yeah, that's the one.

Help me.

- What are you doing? Some fetish?
- No, but we must talk.

And I saw this video where...

Bruno, I know you are a good guy,
but you owe me an explanation.

What did you give these people?

I give seeds to my boys.

So that when they are in jail,
they can have herbs, flowers, and plants.

I didn't tell you,
'cause I didn't think it was important.

Growing stuff there
is good for their mood. It helped me.

I would never get you into trouble.
I care about this place.

I wasn't happy about
hiring half criminals...

- I'm on parole.
- Let me finish.

But I want to trust you. Shall I?

I need to check everything is regular
when it comes to such a customer.

She made up a story about me.

She's a writer.
She is full of imagination.

Now, if you can give us
the suits back, please.

We need them to fertilize.

Yes.

Cla'.

What should I do to be arrested
and saved by him?

Claudio, I'm sorry for what happened.

Maybe I'm too imaginative,

but I can still
have my wedding here, right?

I'm not that happy.

If you don't get married here,
my daughter won't talk to me.

Thanks. Thanks a million.

You shouldn't apologize to him.

- May I? Please?
- No.

Look, I'm sorry. For real.

- I'll wash the suits.
- Thank you.

I should have talked to you,
not get you into trouble.

But you look rough.

Because I'm not wearing a suit and a tie?

Don't you hate clichés?
It looks like you go for them.

You judge people you know shit about.

He's so pissed, he must be really charged.

How about some of that hate fucking?

Aren't you better than that, Red?

No, you like labelling people
as if they were jars.

It's hard for them to get rid of the idea
people like you have about them.

I've nothing against them, actually...

I have many friends who are criminals.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Such as?
- You're digging your own grave.

Like my friend Stefano.
He has been stopped for smoking weed.

What are you saying?

- I smoked some myself.
- Big deal.

Who else? Someone
who hasn't paid their fines?

Or who has skipped property tax?

- Look.
- Don't make it harder!

Say sorry, and push him to the wall.

If you think a person
who smokes weed is a criminal,

let me know or you better run.

I have done worse than that. Way worse.

You're scaring her, Bruno. Stop it.

I'm so scared.

Do you remember the story
of the man and the bear?

Women are more scared
when they are alone with a man.

Look at her. She's scared.

- Again, this is no good, Bruno.
- Here comes the pussy tamer.

I'm just saying that...

I'm here because I did something bigger.

Madda, put one of your tits in his mouth,
and he'll calm down.

- What does it have to do with it now?
- It always does.

I have anger management problems.

An old bad habit in my family.

I would have reacted very badly once
for something like that.

I'm working on it.

Okay, sorry. I got carried away
by the idea of the perfect wedding,

which not only my mother-in-law
Adelaide must like,

but I also have to. It's very difficult.

Your mother-in-law is tough.

She reminds me of my Italian teacher
in middle school.

She hated me 'cause my parents
never went to see her.

Since then, I stopped studying.

It's a shame, but I get you.

Is this idea of the apple trees

yours or Adelaide's?

No, she's just suggested the greenhouse.
I'd like the apple trees.

Let's go and find them.

- Do you want me to open the windows?
- Yes, no, I'm fine.

Great, Bruno. Kindness is important.

To lure somebody into bed.

No, it's important as a human being.

Sure, to lure all of them into bed.

- Sorry?
- What?

No, I didn't say anything.

Are you sure? I heard something.

Nice stuff, huh?

- No.
- No.

- No?
- No.

I'm actually a bit hot now.

Of course, there is a high concentration
of hormones in here.

Keep your eyes on the road, Bruno.

It's hot, indeed. Let me open the window.

- The guy is improving.
- Not really.

I'll just open mine, then.

Great. Instincts can be tamed
when you behave.

I'd need a cold shower.

- I mean, because of the heat.
- Yeah.

Look, there's a party there.

Shall we crash it?

It's not just a party. It's a wedding.

- Hello.
- Hello.

You are not in the list, right?
The dress code is "lilac elegance."

- What a shame.
- No!

We have to deliver a plant
to the bride and groom.

Such confusion on Saturday

It's almost worse than what they say

But with you there's a magic something

There's a something
A beautiful something

Tell me when you get here
So I can save your seat

- Where shall we put it?
- In the gift area, I'd say.

- I'd say.
- I'd say.

- There.
- Yes.

I'm not staying around alone

Even the most beautiful rose fades away

Okay, I'll wait for you

But not for my whole life

You turn around a moment
The night is over

- This Ficus should be pruned, right?
- It's a lemon tree.

- Give me that.
- What are you doing?

Turn, turn, your head will turn around

"Lilac elegance."

I can't see you, where did you go?

Thank you.

You know I will wait for you

But not for my whole life

Congratulations.

You know I will wait for you

But not for my whole life

Tell me the truth.

Are you that kind of person
who drinks only after exercising?

I do yoga.

The world won't collapse if your ass does.

- Bruno.
- Amen.

Please, I know.

- I used to be slightly overweight.
- Are you happier now?

Yes. Just because I met Vanni.
Weight doesn't matter.

I guess you were as hot as now.

- Too much.
- Amen.

Too explicit. Too straightforward,
too rude. Say sorry.

Sorry, Red. That was too much.

- Apology accepted. I appreciate that.
- Let's appreciate him all.

- Cheers.
- Oh, my. Sorry.

I thought you were very restrained.

- You underestimate me.
- Maybe.

- Cake!
- Cake!

They don't look very happy.

It's your third wedding.
They are getting poorer and poorer.

- It's your wedding, too.
- My first. For you, it's a habit.

You're not a relative,
you're a tax. Say hello.

Cake!

That's why I want a different wedding.

Don't worry. The apple trees are awaiting.

Wow, how nice.
It's like an impressionist painting.

Yes, it's impressive.

And when the apples are out,
it's even prettier.

They saved
about 30 potted apple trees for me.

I can't promise anything.

But they should be ready for your wedding.

Okay. I trust you. Do your thing.

Why are you so obsessed with apples?

Vanni is the other half of my apple.

Which means?

It's a myth told by Plato.

- An influencer?
- Let's say so.

And what is it exactly?

Plato told us that once human beings

had four arms, four legs, and two faces.

They were so powerful,
that Zeus, feeling threatened,

split them into two parts, like a fruit.

And he condemned both parts to look for
each other for the rest of their lives.

But real life is different.

My mother chose the wrong half.

To fix the mess my father made,
I had to do some things...

I should not have done.

But you're working on it, right?
That's nice.

We can always become
a better version of ourselves.

It's not easy to convince the world
that you've changed

if you don't believe in it.

These puppy apple trees are so nice.

- Puppy apple trees?
- This one is my favorite.

So, its name will be Maddalena.

- Don't be silly.
- Plants are alive.

That's why I give them names.
Or they wouldn't produce their fruit.

I have to talk to them, touch them...

water them...

it's like being with someone.

You try to make them happy,
but you don't always succeed.

You have to make an effort.

A big effort.

A long effort.

It's an effort, but a pleasure as well.

I hope it's a pleasure for them as well.

I hope so.

Bru'! She is about to get married!

- What is he doing?
- The only sensible thing to do.

I don't want to.

Shame. It's so juicy.

- What's going on?
- Wait, no.

Our necklaces are stuck.

- You're going to break them.
- Sorry.

- They are stuck.
- Okay.

Sorry, I gotta go.

Whatever happened, nothing has changed.
I want to get married.

And so you will.

And with the apple trees.

The greenhouse will be as you like.

Good boy. If you feel like crying, do it.

Filippo, leave me alone.
Go back to your show.

Hello, Jane Austen.

Lucky you. You've such a nice life.

Vanni. Are you back?

- God.
- I came earlier.

Honey!

I've missed you.

- Do you like it?
- It's wonderful, thank you.

The real writers must have one.

And you are a real writer now.

- Have you read it?
- Was I allowed to?

I'm not very happy with some bits.

I loved it.

What have I done to deserve you?

You're so nice,
and you smell nice and clean.

I'll take a shower too, okay?

- Quick.
- Yes.

What's this?

It's a party favor.

- Nice color...
- Come on.

These are awful.
The guests will hate them.

I got it. Be quiet.
We'll find something, I hope.

But Maddalena is right.
This stuff is hideous.

The shop assistant is there.

Got it. Cinerary urns would be better.

You're right.

- Did he have to come along?
- Are you nervous?

- Is everything okay with Vanni?
- Sure. Vanni is perfect.

- And you aren't?
- So...

I have two options for you.

Sugar pot in the shape of a toilet.

So ugly, it's wonderful.

Or a classic, the dachshunds.

Seen that already, right?
You don't look happy.

Just because you're a cat lover.
Right? You are.

Let's see.

Here we go. Look.
Two cats. There's a problem. They're cute.

They have to be ugly. Let's find them.

That's him. Laughing about everything.

A little over the top, if you ask me.

We won't live longer by behaving.

Sorry. I was about to get blinded.

Are you sure you want to get married?

I don't give a damn.

The perfect picture,
the perfect living room,

they mean nothing.

I want you to find real love.

Everyday love,

the one you're happy to wake up for,
even when things are bad.

You're right. No, you're right.

Actually, Lucio, let's go.
Party favors are not trendy anymore.

And I was thinking

we could give the money
to an oncology research center.

That's a great idea.

Shame. I had found something.

A sort of toilet, but a decorated one.

I'd like to see the drafts.
I'm not sure about some of the paragraphs.

Like for all authors. If you read
our changes, you'll change your mind.

- But this book cover...
- It's great!

You've no idea how much it cost us, Madda.
It's at the MOMA.

Adelaide wanted it, and we did it for her.

It has nothing to do with the book.
It's not related.

Maybe not for your old readers,
but for the ones we want to reach now.

- Hello, Vanni. Kisses.
- Hello, Tommaso.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Honey, I've seen how they promote books.
They consider every detail.

Trust them, and let them work for you.

Aren't you going away tomorrow
for your super hen party?

- Are you ready?
- I am.

No. Please, when I'm away,
let them get it out of their system.

Sure, I'll be left alone as usual.

Believe me.
They get tired, and fall asleep.

- Will you be back?
- I'm not fleeing.

- Fleeing? Don't flee.
- No, Giuse'. Where would I go?

- Have fun.
- Stefano. Here it is. Hello.

Ready? Here we are.

Hi, Aki.

- Why two suitcases?
- Didn't I tell you? Aki is coming along.

Nice. I'm happy.

Sorry, Aki. But my idea was a bride,
bridesmaid, and bridesbachelor's trip.

The agency gave a discount
for one more person.

A discount? Sorry, who paid...

An applause for Madda, the most generous
bride ever. She's paying for everyone.

- Couldn't I come, too?
- Are you dumb?

- What?
- For the kid. She's crying.

Because you said that.

The van is here. Come on.

- Take this burden.
- A burden?

No!

- She's crying. Whatever.
- Bye.

Well. Ready for the baroque tour in Lecce.

I want you pumped.
See you in the hall. Ready, huh?

- What shall we do?
- Baroque art in Lecce.

How about swimming?

Ta-da!

- Darn!
- Wow!

It's so beautiful.

Lecce is a wonderful city.

And very romantic. A photo?

Let's take one, too.

Nice one.

So, the baroque tour in Lecce is over.

- And now...
- A swim.

- A boat tour.
- Relax.

- I've booked some activities.
- What?

Some typical activities to do here.

- Swimming is an activity.
- You're actually right.

You could have thought about it.

The bridemaids organize this stuff.

But I have you, so I have to do it myself.

That was wrong.

How about some zest, some freedom.

Quiet! The van is waiting.

Try again. Come on.

Now we're talking.

- I didn't know you were such a hedonist.
- Let's see when you've three kids.

We are trying. Every evening. But no kids.

- You know...
- What? I'm done here.

You want one? Not the girl, she's so cute.

- Hi. Are you rested?
- Here she is.

We are rested. What do you want?
More activities?

No, that's it.
You can't mistreat us. Come on.

All right. I'll let you be.

But let me remind you
this is not a holiday,

or your honeymoon, this is my hen party.

These are for you.

For me? Thanks.

No! "For my Maddina." Vanni!

- Nice.
- I can't believe it.

Nice.

Four tickets for the backstage of
the secret concert "Salt into the Wound."

How do you mean?

A private event. It's free. Don't worry.

How cool!
This is what I call "an experience."

- Good evening. I have my pass. Thanks.
- My pass.

- Here we go.
- Here we go.

- There she is.
- Okay, guys.

Have fun, I'll do the soundcheck.

- Bye, thanks.
- Bye, have fun.

It's official...

No, well... Maddalena Gentili.

I'm a big fan of yours. I love your book.

- Oh, my God. And I love your music.
- Thanks.

They are Stefano, Aki,
and my sister Maria.

- A pleasure. What are you doing here?
- Hello.

It's a present from my future husband.

- She's getting married.
- We organized her hen party.

- We did?
- Shut up.

I'll go do the sound-check.
There is an open bar.

You're my guests. My house is your house.

You say my heart is more
Neutral than Switzerland

My vagina is liberal
And has its own politics

My father used to tell me
Take care of yourself

My mother used to tell me
Use your head

For my sister
My life is embarrassing

But I do whatever I feel like

Someone will laugh

Someone will pray for me

Because I do whatever I feel like

Even if what they tell me is

It's all true and I don't know anymore

If it's all blue, it's all black

It's all less, it's all more

What is it?

I haven't been out without kids for ages.

- So?
- I miss them!

- Didn't you want to flee?
- Kids are like drugs.

They're bad for you, but you want them!

- I have to go.
- Where?

To the hotel. I must call them.

No, it's all right.

Maddale', don't have kids. Trust me.

Don't have kids!

It's all true and I don't know anymore

If it's all blue, it's all black

You should always act like that.
You're more beautiful when you're free.

I missed you hitting on me.

- Silly.
- If you insult me, you insult yourself.

If I say that I love you,
do I love myself?

Exactly! It's like masturbation,
and we love it.

If it's all blue, it's all black

One hundred percent

It's all less, it's all more

And more or less, it's all true

Come on, ladies.
We've a special offer today.

Dresses for five euros.

Can I help you, Ma'am?

I'd like a kilo of life security.

Nobody sells that. It's free,
but you have to find it yourself.

I can help you on the side.

They sell everything here.
There are so many types of fruit.

Question. Would you eat the same fruit
all life long?

Are we actually talking about fruit?

That man is like a kiwi.
Rough from the outside, but sweet inside.

At first, he's annoying,

but then he's perfect
for concerts, exhibitions,

and brunches on damask linen tablecloth,

- embroidered by cloistered nuns.
- He reminds me of Vanni.

Be hungry, Maddina.

The life of a woman has many seasons.

The watermelon man
for when you want to take it easy,

but you need sunscreen,
and some other protection as well.

Do not be obsessed with half of an apple.

You have to try all kinds of fruit first.

I've eaten many fruit salads.

And the banana man.

You are unfair and trivial.

What do you want from me?
You're the one thinking about him.

I'm just saying you are obsessed
with the myth of the half apple.

Maddalena, don't you understand
that we are already a whole fruit?

You don't need another half
to be complete or happy. You're enough.

So? How was the concert?

Very nice, honey. Thanks.

What a wonderful idea.
They were all enthusiastic.

- You don't seem you were.
- No.

Why are you nervous?

You're thinking about the draft.
You wanna change the cover.

No, that's not it.

I knew it. It's the wedding.

The setup or the date?

No, wait. Your hair style.

How dumb of me. The dress!

- The dress is every bride's problem.
- I'm the problem, Vanni.

I have some doubts.

About everything. About my future.

Your future with me.

Maybe it's just a temporary thing.
I don't know.

Maybe this is typical
of every bride to be.

But I'm not sure

that getting married
is the right thing to do.

Okay.

You've just thought about that?

Did you realize it at the hen party?

A dumb and beefy stripper
made you doubt yourself?

What are you saying? No stripper at all.

And not every beefy man is dumb.

All right.

- I'll go.
- Vanni.

I'll give you some time and space
to think about it.

Indecisive women are not for me.

My mother has plenty of flaws,
but she raised me to have clear ideas.

And I want my life partner
to be as decisive as I am.

What are you doing?

But you're Maddalena Gentili.

I love you!

- You're leaving me for her?
- Sorry.

What a bitch! I mean, I love her.
But what a bitch.

That's theft. You hang out with criminals,
it'll rub off on you.

It's not theft. I've paid for them.

That was my ex. She's stuck to me.

Does it make you feel important?

Or was that volunteering?

- It's a toxic relationship.
- That's right.

- I don't owe you an explanation.
- I don't want one.

It seemed like it.

Why are you here? Do you need something?

I don't need anything.

Are you sure?

Do you think I'm like a gift for you
before you settle down?

I'm not a gift.
I'm not the mistake you make

to convince you
that the other is the right choice.

I know who you are.

The gardener.

Right. I've done my job.

You can go ahead,
and marry your better half.

And fuck you, while we are at it.

Mari, it's a bad day. Is it urgent?

It's about Mom.

If you need me, I'll be in the other room.

Shall we get a coffee?

- Do you want a coffee?
- No, thanks.

You always find the right way
to tell me that I'm screwing things up.

Sorry if I've just cursed.

But I can't help it, seeing you like this.

Now you have to focus.
Wake up, and feel good. Okay?

Maddalena.

- Someone is here.
- Okay.

- We'll be here.
- Thanks.

What for? We'll be here
waiting for her to wake up.

She'll wake up, won't she?

Yes, sure.

Thank you for coming.

I wouldn't have left you alone.

- Thanks. Goodbye.
- To you.

- Shall I close it?
- No, leave it open. It's hot.

Okay.

- What are you having?
- An antihistamine.

- I'm allergic to your unhappiness.
- I'm happy.

- You don't look happy, Madda.
- Mom.

Mom, you're so beautiful.

Maria, don't close it, I'm so hot.

- Is everything okay?
- Yes, I know you're stressed,

but it's your wedding day.
You should be radiant.

The highlighter will do the job.
Put a kilo on each cheekbone.

I saw it on a tutorial by Selena Gomez.

You look dimmer than me.

- Is that tea?
- Yes.

I'm feeling sleepy.

Madda, life is...

It throws jokes at you, right?

But I want to enjoy it every day.

I want to feel alive till I am alive.

I'm not crying.
I've got something in my eyes.

My make-up is melting. Shame on you.

Fuck! Have I missed
the Sex and the City moment?

How beautiful. How elegant. Grazia.

- Hello, dear.
- Hi, Tommi.

How beautiful.

You know I love you because you love me
even though I'm such a shitty friend.

The car is waiting.

- Let's get you dressed.
- I'll do it myself, thank you.

- Give me a moment.
- Yes. Okay.

One last tête-à-tête?

Why not?

Kinky! A horny wife before the wedding.

What am I doing here?
What are you trying to do?

- I'm sending you back where you belong.
- Are you caging me?

Go away!

Good evening.

You're so beautiful.
You remind me of a young me.

Let me adjust your train.

Ste', the train.

That was me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to step on it.
Also because...

You're beautiful, Red.

You look like an impressionist painting.

- Because I'm impressive?
- No.

No, you are as beautiful as a painting
from the 19th century.

Even better.
I don't want to body shame anyone.

There were many types of women
at that time.

The bride is always late, n'est-ce pas?

It's a typical narrative device.

We don't need one of your lessons now.

- Why are you here?
- To apologize.

Now?

I wanted to do it before you got married.

One minute before?

You said one can improve at any time.

You made me feel like it's worth trying.

I want to stop with toxic relationships
which make me wither.

But you, too...

You look like a plant with no light.

You need light to feel good.

Red, do you want to spend
the rest of your life in the shade?

I'm fine!

Everything is fine. Great.

What's going on. Who's that guy?

The stripper?

No, it's Bruno. The gardener.

What's going on?

- Maddina, is everything okay?
- Yes.

I wanted...

I wanted to make sure
the greenhouse was as she wanted.

She deserves it.

Great, Bruno.

But what are we doing here?

I'll go.

Go, dear. Come on.

Très bien. Let's go on.

Please, forgive Bruno. He's like that.

A little Pasolini, a little Suburra,

a bit of a showman.

But, after all,
we love the working class so much.

He's the typical hot, rough man
who works in the greenhouse. It's a cult.

Sorry, Adelaide,
who are the working class?

Are they different from us?
Who likes them?

Honey, what's wrong?

Nothing, Vanni.

Actually, everything is.

I don't want to talk about
best and last at my wedding.

I don't want my life to be a book
I didn't want to write,

and for it to be liked
by people I despise.

I'm not fine.

When I want your mother to like me,

when I try to feel a passion I don't,

when I try to be someone else
and I don't know myself.

Sorry, and good luck.

Truth is, we have to be honest
with ourselves.

Sorry, I'm doing this also for you.

You deserve a woman
who wants you for who you are.

You can give her happiness,
and a great orgasm.

- What are you talking about?
- No, sorry.

It's not you, it's me.

Thank you for the show, cherie.

Great material for a cheap romantic novel.

Maybe my book is meant for a newsagent.

Sweetie, don't mind her.

She's just written one book.
A long time ago,

in the Cenozoic Era,

and she still talks about it.
She has nothing else to say.

It's not her fault.
It's her drugs talking.

So long.

Mes amis, what a plot twist.

I smell a bestseller coming.

We'll have something to talk about
this summer in Pantelleria.

I'll go to Ostia this summer.

What a mischievous girl. She's eaten
at our table till she needed it.

- Shut up, for once, Mom.
- What?

Shut up! It's my wedding
that got fucked up. Not yours.

Sorry.

Ours actually is also...

Goodbye, Madam.

Come, Vanni. Let's go.

Let's go drink something, you and me.

Where are you going? Stay.

Let's turn it into a happening.

There's a great buffet. All paid for.

What the fuck?

Adelaide. Sorry. Adelaide.

- I'll go check on her.
- No.

Calm down, it's all fine.

- She said one right thing.
- Who? What?

- Madame.
- That one?

- What did she say?
- We should take advantage of this place.

Let's get married. Everything is set.

Even if it doesn't work,

we're in such bad shape,
we wouldn't last anyway.

No, but...

- I love you.
- Are you saying...

- I'm saying that I love you.
- No...

- I'm saying that I love you.
- Me, too.

- So?
- I don't...

I wish I had met you earlier,
but I want to spend the little time I have

- with you.
- Maria!

- What is it?
- Can you celebrate our wedding?

- Sorry, who?
- Us.

Where? When?

- Here and now.
- Now.

- Should I celebrate your wedding?
- Yes.

- You know?
- Well...

I mean, I guess... Oh, my God.
It's so nice you're getting married.

- How nice. They are getting married!
- Don't scream!

Don't scream!

They are getting married!

Now?

No, Vale.

- You, again?
- Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

- May I?
- Yes.

I guess that's how it was supposed to be.

The nerd and the half-criminal.

- We might complete each other.
- No, Bruno.

Nobody completes anyone.

No half of the apple?

No half of the apple.

I'm not half. I'm a whole.

It must be nice to feel like a whole.

And so are you.

I was thinking,

if two different fruits meet,
like you and me...

- What should they do?
- A fruit salad. Shut up.

They'll see us! Bruno, they will!

Let me remind you that a good fruit salad
needs four kinds of different fruits.

You never give up.

Did you think you could win?

I haven't lost.
Bruno is on the right path.

Becoming a better man
is a never-ending job.

Here ends the journey of desires
between Maddalena and Bruno.

Who are you talking to?
This is not your show.

- It's not your film.
- Are you sure?

I think it is.

They might see us.

- I'm worried about the book.
- Very nice. You have to believe in it.

Maddalena is going to make it.

- Slowly.
- Nobody can see us.

Thank you, Barbara.

What are we celebrating?

- You got married.
- Not just that. I'm still alive.

Are you dancing or stomping on grapes?

You won't inhibit me, Nino. You won't.

Come on, what a great party.
I'd never bet on it.

I would. Grazia,
how many times should I tell you?

It's not over until it's over.

You're right,
but we're getting to the end credits.

It's not about the time we have,

but about how we use it.

Just a drop. Come on.

- A drop? A small one.
- No one can see you. Come on.

Mari', I told you not to have kids.

- You're stubborn.
- I have them. What shall we do?

You keep them!

Stop drinking.

You're about to drink the fourth one.
Who can stand you, then?

Love, do more than showering.
You have to take more care of yourself.

You neglect yourself,
just as every other husband.

Giuseppe, you're not just a male mom.
You're a Taurus.

I'm afraid my ascending sign
is getting more powerful.

And that's Virgo.
Just remember how you were.

It's your year. Your planets are aligned.

- Are they?
- Can't you see that?

It's cloudy.