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1
00:00:04,339 --> 00:00:06,173
I got a few days left!
2
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,216
� �
3
00:00:09,919 --> 00:00:11,510
(shrieks)
4
00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:18,643
(school bell rings)
5
00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:21,972
(burps)
6
00:00:23,017 --> 00:00:24,259
(whistle blows)
7
00:00:24,260 --> 00:00:25,684
(yells)
8
00:00:30,191 --> 00:00:31,190
(beeping)
9
00:00:34,845 --> 00:00:36,863
� �
10
00:00:36,864 --> 00:00:38,864
(playing lively jazz music)
11
00:00:43,687 --> 00:00:44,662
(tires screech)
12
00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:47,832
D'oh!
13
00:00:48,901 --> 00:00:50,334
(grunts)
14
00:00:54,715 --> 00:00:56,048
(train whistle blowing)
15
00:01:00,221 --> 00:01:01,762
Haw-haw!
16
00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:05,766
� �
17
00:01:10,639 --> 00:01:12,565
� �
18
00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:18,095
Hey, little lady.
19
00:01:18,096 --> 00:01:20,574
You'd be a lot prettier
if you smiled.
20
00:01:20,575 --> 00:01:22,317
What? Who are you?
21
00:01:22,318 --> 00:01:25,102
I'm a man. So I know
what I'm talking about.
22
00:01:25,103 --> 00:01:27,914
Smile and you'll be
a lot more popular.
23
00:01:27,915 --> 00:01:31,234
Are you serious? You know I'll
remember this forever, right?
24
00:01:31,235 --> 00:01:33,736
Well, that's what therapy's for.
25
00:01:33,737 --> 00:01:37,257
And he told me I wouldn't be
pretty unless I smiled.
26
00:01:37,258 --> 00:01:39,759
Sweetie, you are very pretty.
27
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,170
And thanks to the puberty app
on my phone,
28
00:01:42,171 --> 00:01:43,846
we can see what lies ahead.
29
00:01:50,938 --> 00:01:53,681
(buzzer sounding)
30
00:01:53,682 --> 00:01:55,350
Wait. This can't be real.
31
00:01:55,351 --> 00:01:57,260
I already had braces.
32
00:01:57,261 --> 00:02:00,763
Oh. Well, I-I'm afraid
you have to get them again.
33
00:02:00,764 --> 00:02:03,140
The man we thought was
your orthodontist
34
00:02:03,141 --> 00:02:06,202
was actually
a rogue periodontist.
35
00:02:07,271 --> 00:02:09,105
(scoffs) Rogue periodontist.
36
00:02:09,106 --> 00:02:11,291
This family cheaps out
on everything.
37
00:02:11,292 --> 00:02:14,443
Homer took me
to a "psychiatrist."
38
00:02:14,444 --> 00:02:18,281
After three sessions, I figured
out it was a goat with glasses.
39
00:02:18,282 --> 00:02:20,049
(bleats):
Never went back.
40
00:02:21,952 --> 00:02:24,161
(quietly):
Braces? Again?
41
00:02:24,162 --> 00:02:28,624
Why am I the only one
in this family who needs braces?
42
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,167
(mouthpiece creaking)
43
00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:32,220
(playing lively jazz)
44
00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:34,722
- (laughs)
- Don't look so smug, boy.
45
00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:36,565
Let's try this app on you.
46
00:02:38,135 --> 00:02:40,803
Hello, Aaron Eckhart.
(purrs)
47
00:02:40,804 --> 00:02:43,156
Whoa-ho! Puberty!
48
00:02:43,157 --> 00:02:45,492
Let's see what comes next.
49
00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:46,809
Cool.
50
00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:49,829
Homie, look.
We got this in the mail today.
51
00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,188
HOMER:
Aw, what is it?
52
00:02:51,189 --> 00:02:53,024
Did I get drunk
and buy useless stuff
53
00:02:53,025 --> 00:02:54,334
on eBay again?
54
00:02:54,335 --> 00:02:56,126
Let's get more.
55
00:02:57,913 --> 00:02:59,488
Hello, Simpsons.
56
00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:01,508
It's me, Artie Ziff,
57
00:03:01,509 --> 00:03:04,035
in prerecorded form.
58
00:03:04,036 --> 00:03:06,329
So you can't talk to me.
59
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:07,163
I can't?
60
00:03:07,164 --> 00:03:08,831
No, you can't.
61
00:03:08,832 --> 00:03:11,000
(quietly):
Pause for laughs.
62
00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,335
And thank you.
63
00:03:12,336 --> 00:03:14,003
Artie Ziff?
Isn't that the rich guy
64
00:03:14,004 --> 00:03:15,597
who could have been our dad?
65
00:03:15,598 --> 00:03:18,433
I am the only man
your mother has ever been with,
66
00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:20,902
and she doesn't have
a single regret.
67
00:03:20,903 --> 00:03:22,862
- Well...
- You stay out of this, Marge!
68
00:03:22,863 --> 00:03:25,890
Great news: I'm getting married,
and you're invited!
69
00:03:25,891 --> 00:03:29,185
- HOMER (groans): Oh.
- Why, you ask,
am I getting married?
70
00:03:29,186 --> 00:03:32,038
- I've found my soul mate!
- (fireworks popping)
71
00:03:32,039 --> 00:03:34,616
- Jealous?
- (easy listening music plays)
72
00:03:34,617 --> 00:03:36,618
April 12th,
very rich man's wedding.
73
00:03:36,619 --> 00:03:37,952
Regrets only.
74
00:03:37,953 --> 00:03:39,212
Chicken or fish.
75
00:03:39,213 --> 00:03:40,863
Or vegan.
76
00:03:40,864 --> 00:03:42,198
Bye!
77
00:03:42,199 --> 00:03:43,550
So, what else is in the mail?
78
00:03:43,551 --> 00:03:46,410
We got a flyer from Lowe's!
79
00:03:46,411 --> 00:03:48,871
(gasps)
Three-quarter plywood.
80
00:03:48,872 --> 00:03:50,632
$20 a sheet!
81
00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:52,375
I'm a-comin'!
82
00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:54,728
Oh, I don't have a car.
83
00:03:54,729 --> 00:03:56,754
You're not really thinking
of going, are you?
84
00:03:56,755 --> 00:03:58,732
That jerk kept trying
to break us up.
85
00:03:58,733 --> 00:04:02,310
Now, I am sensing
conflicted feelings.
86
00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:06,055
If you come, I promise you
a wonderful time.
87
00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:08,224
- Champagne, caviar,
- (fanfare playing)
88
00:04:08,225 --> 00:04:10,910
deep-fried ice sculptures,
a guy who guesses your weight,
89
00:04:10,911 --> 00:04:13,246
who always guesses low!
90
00:04:13,247 --> 00:04:15,248
(easy listening music plays)
91
00:04:15,249 --> 00:04:16,607
Thank you.
92
00:04:16,608 --> 00:04:19,419
And now to celebrate,
here's Tupac Shakur!
93
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,070
� Don't be tardy �
94
00:04:21,071 --> 00:04:23,423
� My boy Artie
is throwing a party �
95
00:04:23,424 --> 00:04:25,500
� This wedding's gonna be fly �
96
00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:27,910
� Why won't you people
let me die? �
97
00:04:27,911 --> 00:04:29,671
How do you turn this off?
98
00:04:29,672 --> 00:04:31,765
There's no off
to the Artie show.
99
00:04:31,766 --> 00:04:34,509
- I decide when...
- Please set me free.
100
00:04:34,510 --> 00:04:36,085
Oh, here it is.
101
00:04:36,086 --> 00:04:37,728
TUPAC:
God bless you.
102
00:04:40,132 --> 00:04:43,518
(singing happily)
103
00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:47,021
Now everyone's favorite:
rinse and spit.
104
00:04:47,022 --> 00:04:48,431
(gargles)
105
00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:51,100
And I'm done...
with the top braces.
106
00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:53,027
We'll put the bottoms in
next week.
107
00:04:53,028 --> 00:04:56,605
And after that, just a lifetime
of wearing retainers.
108
00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:58,441
Well, they're
practically invisible.
109
00:04:58,442 --> 00:05:00,818
(slurred):
I can't close my mouth.
110
00:05:00,819 --> 00:05:03,404
The brackets are holding up
your lips at the edges.
111
00:05:03,405 --> 00:05:05,489
They'll adjust.
The main thing is you're happy.
112
00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,417
I'm not happy.
113
00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:09,135
- Have a little nitrous.
- (gas whooshes)
114
00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:10,470
(giggles)
115
00:05:10,471 --> 00:05:13,881
Oh, they should
revoke your license. Ha!
116
00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:14,882
More, please.
117
00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:16,810
- That's enough.
- No, it's not!
118
00:05:16,811 --> 00:05:18,502
- (gas whooshes)
- Yeah, give me that.
119
00:05:18,503 --> 00:05:20,980
I thought your name is
"Kidzrule."
120
00:05:20,981 --> 00:05:23,483
Shortened from "Kidzrulovitch,"
121
00:05:23,484 --> 00:05:26,677
which is Romanian for
"kill all the children."
122
00:05:26,678 --> 00:05:29,063
(mellow jazz music playing)
123
00:05:29,064 --> 00:05:32,683
(creaking)
124
00:05:32,684 --> 00:05:33,809
(bell dings)
125
00:05:33,810 --> 00:05:35,495
(lively chatter)
126
00:05:35,496 --> 00:05:36,812
HOMER:
Hmm.
127
00:05:36,813 --> 00:05:39,523
That elevator has the capacity
for 32 people!
128
00:05:39,524 --> 00:05:42,359
(sighs) We brought a rhino
up here last week.
129
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,361
HOMER:
Hmm.
130
00:05:44,362 --> 00:05:46,322
- Hmm.
- (calf moos)
131
00:05:46,323 --> 00:05:48,799
- Hmm!
- My headaches are so bad.
132
00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:52,594
("Flower Duet" playing)
133
00:05:55,665 --> 00:05:57,391
ARTIE:
Jealous?
134
00:06:00,712 --> 00:06:01,688
Feet.
135
00:06:01,689 --> 00:06:03,547
You're one in a million.
136
00:06:03,548 --> 00:06:05,433
Literally.
Don't fall off the roof.
137
00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,026
Homer Simpson!
138
00:06:07,027 --> 00:06:10,012
The man who beat me
to planet Marge.
139
00:06:10,013 --> 00:06:12,014
You've done all right
for a billionaire.
140
00:06:12,015 --> 00:06:13,849
Hey, I'm not made of money.
141
00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:15,559
Although, actually I am.
142
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,445
After my parole, I got rich
143
00:06:17,446 --> 00:06:19,947
selling fireplace logs
that look like cash,
144
00:06:19,948 --> 00:06:22,041
i.e., Money to Burn.
145
00:06:22,042 --> 00:06:24,786
(chuckles)
That is the greatest.
146
00:06:24,787 --> 00:06:26,287
It says "Money to Burn."
147
00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:28,214
It looks like
you're burning money!
148
00:06:28,215 --> 00:06:29,865
Yes, that's the idea.
149
00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:31,217
(laughing):
No, no, no.
150
00:06:31,218 --> 00:06:33,494
It's so funny.
Don't you get it?
151
00:06:33,495 --> 00:06:35,388
Of course get it.
I thought of it.
152
00:06:35,389 --> 00:06:38,132
No, no, no.
Listen, it says "Money to Burn,"
153
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:40,301
but it's actually...
(laughing)
154
00:06:40,302 --> 00:06:42,896
I know! I know!
Talk to someone else.
155
00:06:42,897 --> 00:06:45,589
Hey, pal, you're a news guy.
Give it to me straight.
156
00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:47,049
Is this wedding on the level?
157
00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:49,426
Here's the scoop.
It's legit!
158
00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:52,571
In other news, local newsman
hopes to score with caterer.
159
00:06:53,932 --> 00:06:55,742
This just in:
she knows I'm married.
160
00:06:55,743 --> 00:06:57,985
Coming up at 11:00:
nothing.
161
00:06:57,986 --> 00:06:59,913
Now, Homer,
as this is a bachelor party,
162
00:06:59,914 --> 00:07:02,081
I want to show you something.
163
00:07:02,082 --> 00:07:04,250
But, uh, no word to the wives.
164
00:07:04,251 --> 00:07:06,610
How did you meet your wife,
by the way?
165
00:07:06,611 --> 00:07:09,589
Usual: boy meets girl,
girl meets bank account.
166
00:07:09,590 --> 00:07:11,499
Now, shut your eyes.
167
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,377
You've never seen a body
this enticing.
168
00:07:14,378 --> 00:07:16,787
(gasps)
Exactly what I imagined!
169
00:07:16,788 --> 00:07:19,081
(grunts, chews noisily)
170
00:07:19,082 --> 00:07:20,974
- Food coma. He'll be fine.
- (monitor beeping steadily)
171
00:07:22,010 --> 00:07:23,419
Huh?
172
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:24,437
Hmm.
173
00:07:24,438 --> 00:07:26,297
(chews noisily)
174
00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:27,731
- (flatlining beep)
- (groans)
175
00:07:28,776 --> 00:07:30,777
BOTH:
Hey, girlfriend!
176
00:07:30,778 --> 00:07:32,636
Uh, who, me?
177
00:07:32,637 --> 00:07:35,523
Lisa, did you get
your eyebrows waxed?
178
00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:37,358
You look amazing!
179
00:07:37,359 --> 00:07:39,118
I don't have eyebrows.
180
00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:41,621
Well, check out
these twin caterpillars.
181
00:07:41,622 --> 00:07:43,147
Huh? Huh?
182
00:07:43,148 --> 00:07:44,532
What's going on?
183
00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:47,126
Her smile makes me feel full,
184
00:07:47,127 --> 00:07:49,320
like I actually ate dinner
last night.
185
00:07:49,321 --> 00:07:51,989
If you never eat,
how come you're so fat?
186
00:07:51,990 --> 00:07:53,207
- (grunts)
- Ow!
187
00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:55,543
Americans can be fat and poor.
188
00:07:55,544 --> 00:07:57,637
That's what makes us so great.
189
00:07:57,638 --> 00:08:00,640
And so, after saving Wilbur,
190
00:08:00,641 --> 00:08:03,459
Charlotte crawled off to die,
191
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:07,722
as all barn spiders do
(sniffles) in the fall.
192
00:08:07,723 --> 00:08:09,983
(sobs)
193
00:08:09,984 --> 00:08:11,484
Bravo, Lisa.
194
00:08:11,485 --> 00:08:14,153
What a positive note
on which to end the class.
195
00:08:14,154 --> 00:08:17,139
(sniffles)
Positive? Positive?
196
00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:20,809
Charlotte died alone
at the saddest place on Earth,
197
00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:23,162
an empty fairground.
198
00:08:23,163 --> 00:08:26,190
Well, your smiling face
made dying alone fun.
199
00:08:26,191 --> 00:08:28,651
And believe me,
that's where I'm headed.
200
00:08:28,652 --> 00:08:30,578
So as long as I'm smiling,
201
00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:33,155
it doesn't matter
what comes out of my mouth?
202
00:08:33,156 --> 00:08:34,381
Or your nose.
203
00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:39,595
I don't need these anymore.
204
00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:43,724
This'll go good
in Willie's stew.
205
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:48,712
LISA: Can it really bethat people are this shallow?
206
00:08:48,713 --> 00:08:52,600
(chanting):
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
207
00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:55,344
And am I shallow enoughto enjoy this?
208
00:08:55,345 --> 00:08:57,179
(gasps) I am!
209
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,773
(straining grunt)
210
00:08:58,774 --> 00:09:01,442
I'm so happy, I could sing!
211
00:09:01,443 --> 00:09:02,535
(sings)
212
00:09:02,536 --> 00:09:05,371
� Hello, world! �
213
00:09:05,372 --> 00:09:07,189
Ow, ow, ow.
214
00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:09,041
That really hurts
with the braces.
215
00:09:10,044 --> 00:09:12,045
- Take your pick.
- What is it?
216
00:09:12,046 --> 00:09:14,571
No idea.
The labels are in Spanish.
217
00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:16,381
(rhythmic rattling)
218
00:09:20,796 --> 00:09:22,964
- Hey, gorgeous.
- Hey, Bart.
219
00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:25,800
Lisa? Oh, yuck!
I didn't know that was you.
220
00:09:25,801 --> 00:09:27,376
(coughing, gagging)
221
00:09:27,377 --> 00:09:30,972
It's the smile. It's totally
changed how people see me.
222
00:09:30,973 --> 00:09:33,900
Well, I just want you to know,
you'll always be gross to me.
223
00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:35,977
Oh, thank God.
I was having doubts,
224
00:09:35,978 --> 00:09:38,312
trying to figure out
if this is sexist.
225
00:09:38,313 --> 00:09:40,556
And then I found this.
226
00:09:40,557 --> 00:09:42,491
(low, ominous music plays)
227
00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:48,080
(upbeat music playing)
228
00:09:50,158 --> 00:09:52,234
It seems like
ever since the pill,
229
00:09:52,235 --> 00:09:55,088
the workplace has been
full of single women.
230
00:09:55,089 --> 00:09:56,739
Here's your coffee, Jim.
231
00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:59,592
Extra sugar,
just how you like it.
232
00:09:59,593 --> 00:10:02,428
Hmm. Remind me to get a divorce.
233
00:10:02,429 --> 00:10:05,789
But some women are
having trouble "fitting in."
234
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,791
Well, I can't
figure it out, Jim.
235
00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:09,936
I was all prepared
for a big presentation,
236
00:10:09,937 --> 00:10:12,963
but it went over
like a nun at a go-go bar.
237
00:10:12,964 --> 00:10:14,774
Well, there's one thing
you didn't prepare,
238
00:10:14,775 --> 00:10:16,109
and that's your face.
239
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:18,594
But I'm wearing a pound
of Mary Kay.
240
00:10:18,595 --> 00:10:20,971
Let me touch your body
and show you the problem.
241
00:10:20,972 --> 00:10:22,598
No need to ask.
242
00:10:22,599 --> 00:10:23,807
Mm.
243
00:10:23,808 --> 00:10:25,434
You've got a secret weapon
244
00:10:25,435 --> 00:10:27,528
sitting in the middle
of your face.
245
00:10:27,529 --> 00:10:29,980
Now you're sure
to get that promotion.
246
00:10:29,981 --> 00:10:31,624
- Really?
- (laughs)
247
00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:32,867
No.
248
00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:35,778
Ugh! Don't you see
why I hate this?
249
00:10:35,779 --> 00:10:37,279
'Cause you hate everything?
250
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,633
Because it makes
that jerky old guy right!
251
00:10:40,634 --> 00:10:43,160
I am more popular
because I'm smiling.
252
00:10:43,161 --> 00:10:44,303
Told ya!
253
00:10:44,304 --> 00:10:47,214
(growling)
254
00:10:47,215 --> 00:10:49,599
("La Primavera" from Vivaldi's
The Four Seasons playing)
255
00:10:53,671 --> 00:10:56,840
Wow. Not a single picture
of Artie.
256
00:10:56,841 --> 00:10:58,567
Maybe he has matured.
257
00:11:01,897 --> 00:11:05,491
Well, I guess being here sort of
ends a chapter in my life.
258
00:11:05,492 --> 00:11:07,784
So, lehayim.
259
00:11:08,829 --> 00:11:10,646
That's odd.
260
00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:13,415
Not one person
from the bride's family.
261
00:11:14,818 --> 00:11:17,670
("Bridal Chorus" playing)
262
00:11:17,671 --> 00:11:20,581
Excuse me. We need someone to
walk the bride down the aisle.
263
00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:21,916
Could you?
264
00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:24,343
First, tell me one thing:
How long is the aisle?
265
00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:25,828
About 20 feet.
266
00:11:25,829 --> 00:11:27,346
All right, I'll do it.
267
00:11:27,347 --> 00:11:29,264
But double cake.
268
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:34,687
(sniffles)
They grow up so fast.
269
00:11:34,688 --> 00:11:37,673
I knew this day would come.
(sobs)
270
00:11:37,674 --> 00:11:40,400
You'll always be
my little girl. Mm.
271
00:11:41,719 --> 00:11:43,887
If he ever hurts my baby,
I'll kill him.
272
00:11:43,888 --> 00:11:45,698
Oh, for crying out loud.
273
00:11:45,699 --> 00:11:47,850
Friends, family,
274
00:11:47,851 --> 00:11:50,018
I take great delight
in informing you
275
00:11:50,019 --> 00:11:52,538
that the bride and groom
have written their own vows.
276
00:11:52,539 --> 00:11:54,448
(crowd groans)
277
00:11:54,449 --> 00:11:57,292
Stick to the script, amateurs!
278
00:11:58,787 --> 00:12:01,363
(ominous music plays)
279
00:12:01,364 --> 00:12:02,698
Oh, my God.
280
00:12:02,699 --> 00:12:04,199
This is too weird.
281
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,627
Artie, you are
the greatest lover ever.
282
00:12:06,628 --> 00:12:09,746
When we make sex,
it is so, so good.
283
00:12:09,747 --> 00:12:12,207
I can't take this anymore.
We're getting out of here.
284
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:14,751
Yeah. This is really creepy.
285
00:12:14,752 --> 00:12:16,561
Even the rhino's leaving.
286
00:12:18,882 --> 00:12:20,732
You may now kiss the bride.
287
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,312
(Artie groans)
288
00:12:25,313 --> 00:12:27,648
And this is a picture of us
at our wedding.
289
00:12:27,649 --> 00:12:28,908
You're so happy.
290
00:12:28,909 --> 00:12:30,893
And here's us on our honeymoon.
291
00:12:30,894 --> 00:12:33,320
Two days in Ohio,
two days in Michigan,
292
00:12:33,321 --> 00:12:38,233
and, booyah, up to Ontario
for some international flavor.
293
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:39,234
(chuckles)
294
00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,903
I'm not happy.
295
00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:43,739
MILHOUSE: I have a drawing of
you saying that in Michigan.
296
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:45,332
This smile is so wrong.
297
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,201
There's nothing
to be happy about.
298
00:12:47,202 --> 00:12:49,970
The world is a mess,
and so is this school.
299
00:12:51,289 --> 00:12:53,340
I mean, how hard is this?
300
00:12:53,341 --> 00:12:56,309
The happy girl put the thing
in the hole!
301
00:13:00,924 --> 00:13:02,183
Wait a minute.
302
00:13:02,184 --> 00:13:05,611
I could use my new power
to change these things,
303
00:13:05,612 --> 00:13:07,471
use it for good.
304
00:13:07,472 --> 00:13:09,406
� �
305
00:13:17,032 --> 00:13:18,915
(grunting)
306
00:13:20,627 --> 00:13:22,444
Indubitably.
307
00:13:22,445 --> 00:13:24,988
KEARNEY/JIMBO/DOLPH:
Hear, hear! Hear, hear!
308
00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:26,874
I can make it happen.
309
00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:29,050
Hurry!
310
00:13:36,143 --> 00:13:37,384
You posers.
311
00:13:37,385 --> 00:13:39,478
I was for Lisa
before it was cool.
312
00:13:39,479 --> 00:13:41,222
You never liked Lisa.
313
00:13:41,223 --> 00:13:42,965
What? You got to remember that.
314
00:13:42,966 --> 00:13:44,967
That's my one thing!
315
00:13:44,968 --> 00:13:48,011
No. Your thing is
crying when you're punched.
316
00:13:48,012 --> 00:13:49,513
- Prove it.
- (grunts)
317
00:13:49,514 --> 00:13:51,807
Ow! (crying)
318
00:13:51,808 --> 00:13:54,184
Aw, you're taking
all the fun out of it.
319
00:13:54,185 --> 00:13:56,737
The polls are in,
and you're doing great.
320
00:13:56,738 --> 00:13:58,906
You're picking up the key group:
girls who don't like Milhouse.
321
00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:00,524
You're big with swing voters,
322
00:14:00,525 --> 00:14:02,409
but the teeter-totters
could go either way.
323
00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:03,836
What about the kids
on the slide?
324
00:14:03,837 --> 00:14:05,246
Eh, they're up and down,
325
00:14:05,247 --> 00:14:07,030
but the kids on the monkey bars
are climbing.
326
00:14:07,031 --> 00:14:08,249
That's all I got.
327
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:10,534
Like every election
with one week to go,
328
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:12,086
this is in the bag.
329
00:14:12,087 --> 00:14:13,495
Don't be so sure.
330
00:14:13,496 --> 00:14:15,181
I'm up against a tough opponent:
331
00:14:15,182 --> 00:14:17,291
Dubya Spuckler.
332
00:14:17,292 --> 00:14:19,593
Look at this negative ad he did.
333
00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:22,546
Lisa Simpson says "writin'"ends with a "G"
334
00:14:22,547 --> 00:14:25,173
and "'rithmetic"starts with a "A."
335
00:14:25,174 --> 00:14:26,942
You know what I say?
336
00:14:29,437 --> 00:14:32,222
Don't worry.
You just keep smiling.
337
00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:34,700
Well, I do have an orthodontist
appointment tomorrow
338
00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:36,018
for a tune-up.
339
00:14:36,019 --> 00:14:38,395
In the bag, Madam President.
340
00:14:38,396 --> 00:14:40,188
Bup, don't be so sure.
341
00:14:40,189 --> 00:14:43,284
Hey, I drew a picture
of your inauguration.
342
00:14:43,285 --> 00:14:46,378
I don't think
I've ever looked more radiant.
343
00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:50,791
(humming)
344
00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:53,961
Okay, kid.
Your bottom braces are on.
345
00:14:53,962 --> 00:14:56,680
(gasps)
What happened to my smile?
346
00:14:57,799 --> 00:14:59,416
No, no, no, this is terrible.
347
00:14:59,417 --> 00:15:01,302
I look like I actually feel.
348
00:15:01,303 --> 00:15:03,729
In six months,
you'll have perfect teeth.
349
00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:06,640
Six months?
I have to smile now.
350
00:15:06,641 --> 00:15:08,309
No, I can power through this.
351
00:15:08,310 --> 00:15:09,593
(straining grunt)
352
00:15:09,594 --> 00:15:11,553
Ow. Ow.
353
00:15:11,554 --> 00:15:14,389
Uh, Ralph lost his retainer
in the trash.
354
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:15,891
What can we, uh, do here?
355
00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:18,319
New ones are $500.
356
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,821
Uh, so just what is
this secret mission, Chief?
357
00:15:20,822 --> 00:15:23,774
Well, let's just say
you're on retainer.
358
00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:25,667
(chuckling)
359
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:30,213
� �
360
00:15:34,619 --> 00:15:36,595
- Let's see. I'll take this.
- Aw, stop that.
361
00:15:36,596 --> 00:15:40,123
Aw, come on, Marge.
This minibar is paid for.
362
00:15:40,124 --> 00:15:43,344
Do you know the street value
of this Toblerone?
363
00:15:43,345 --> 00:15:45,128
Homer, stop it.
364
00:15:45,129 --> 00:15:47,756
I can't help thinking about
that poor woman.
365
00:15:47,757 --> 00:15:50,943
Artie only married her
because she looks like me.
366
00:15:50,944 --> 00:15:52,803
I mean, a lot like me.
367
00:15:52,804 --> 00:15:54,947
You're right. We have
to find her and tell her.
368
00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:57,116
But, first,
there's something naughty
369
00:15:57,117 --> 00:15:59,117
I want to do with this bed.
370
00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:05,373
(giggles)
371
00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,443
Are you sure we should be here?
372
00:16:08,444 --> 00:16:10,371
This is
technically his honeymoon.
373
00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:13,506
ARTIE:
Achm! Achm! Achm!
374
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:16,543
Artie?
375
00:16:16,544 --> 00:16:19,287
I'm at the lowest point
of my life!
376
00:16:19,288 --> 00:16:21,181
But come on in.
377
00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:25,719
As a woman,
I just want to tell your wife
378
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,629
what's really going on here.
379
00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:29,339
Sure, why not?
380
00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:31,466
Say it to her face!
381
00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:32,342
(both scream)
382
00:16:32,343 --> 00:16:33,819
Now you know my secret.
383
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:36,489
I've spent years trying
to build the perfect copy
384
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:39,324
of the only woman for me:
you, Marge.
385
00:16:41,352 --> 00:16:44,187
But they were all inferior
in some way.
386
00:16:44,188 --> 00:16:46,499
This one lacks kindness.
387
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,316
This one keeps trying
to kill me.
388
00:16:48,317 --> 00:16:50,360
This one's head is a toaster!
389
00:16:50,361 --> 00:16:52,754
And the slots aren't even
big enough for a bagel!
390
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,417
Why would you marry a machine?
391
00:16:56,418 --> 00:16:57,584
I didn't.
392
00:16:57,585 --> 00:16:59,327
It was one last trick.
393
00:16:59,328 --> 00:17:01,588
I thought when you saw
how perfect we look together,
394
00:17:01,589 --> 00:17:04,425
you would realize
that we were meant to be.
395
00:17:04,426 --> 00:17:08,712
I am, as the poet once said,
a dumb schmuck.
396
00:17:08,713 --> 00:17:10,356
- Artie.
- Yes?
397
00:17:10,357 --> 00:17:12,048
You're not dumb. You're smart.
398
00:17:12,049 --> 00:17:13,859
And I think this crazy project
399
00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:16,219
actually had
some brilliance in it.
400
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:19,514
Imagine if you use
that noodle for good.
401
00:17:19,515 --> 00:17:22,109
Wow. Wow.
402
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:26,521
Only you could find a pearl
in the flabby oyster that is me.
403
00:17:26,522 --> 00:17:28,732
I will become
a better human being.
404
00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,066
Terrific.
405
00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:31,860
And then you'll love me?
406
00:17:31,861 --> 00:17:33,287
No.
407
00:17:33,288 --> 00:17:36,957
Well, then, I finally give up.
408
00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:38,341
Or do I?
409
00:17:39,911 --> 00:17:42,078
Aw, damn it.
410
00:17:42,079 --> 00:17:46,225
Artie, you and your blue crew
of Margekateers
411
00:17:46,226 --> 00:17:47,968
have done so many good deeds.
412
00:17:47,969 --> 00:17:49,377
What's next?
413
00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:52,231
I'm gonna make one of them
my bride.
414
00:17:52,232 --> 00:17:54,308
Hey, I didn't give you wings.
415
00:17:54,309 --> 00:17:55,859
MARGE BOT:
Life finds a way!
416
00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:00,239
- Uh, let's quiet down, please.
- (excited chatter)
417
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,224
The sooner we can
get this debate over,
418
00:18:02,225 --> 00:18:03,934
the sooner the teachers
can get ice cream.
419
00:18:03,935 --> 00:18:05,393
CROWD:
Boo!
420
00:18:05,394 --> 00:18:07,938
None for Seymour.
He gets gassy.
421
00:18:07,939 --> 00:18:09,323
Yeah, I-I know.
422
00:18:09,324 --> 00:18:12,567
And now we have
a very special moderator,
423
00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:15,754
Governor Mary Bailey.
424
00:18:15,755 --> 00:18:18,448
Our first candidate is
Dubya Spuckler.
425
00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:20,909
CROWD (chanting):
Dubya! Dubya!
426
00:18:20,910 --> 00:18:21,927
That's your brother.
427
00:18:21,928 --> 00:18:24,096
He prefers the pronoun "they,"
428
00:18:24,097 --> 00:18:27,341
on account of the twin
he absorbed in my belly.
429
00:18:27,342 --> 00:18:30,177
Our other candidate is ill,
so she'll be Skyping in.
430
00:18:30,178 --> 00:18:31,770
Lisa Simpson.
431
00:18:31,771 --> 00:18:34,256
Lisa, I'm sorry,
what do you have?
432
00:18:34,257 --> 00:18:36,925
What I have isan agenda for this school,
433
00:18:36,926 --> 00:18:39,261
an agenda that looks forward.
434
00:18:39,262 --> 00:18:41,972
I can deliver results,while my opponent
435
00:18:41,973 --> 00:18:44,450
can't even spell "results."
436
00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:47,286
Yes, I can.
R-E squiggly letter,
437
00:18:47,287 --> 00:18:48,979
bucket letter, tall man,
438
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:50,623
little plus sign,
squiggly letter.
439
00:18:50,624 --> 00:18:52,107
- "Results."
- (scattered cheers)
440
00:18:52,108 --> 00:18:53,792
That's not howyou spell "results."
441
00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:56,629
(loudly):
Lisa doesn't sound sick at all.
442
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,280
(nervous laugh)
443
00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:00,707
(quietly): You said
you've done this before.
444
00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:03,218
It was my machismo talking.
445
00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:09,332
(crowd gasps)
446
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:12,645
(gasps)
Lisa's using a funny-face app.
447
00:19:12,646 --> 00:19:15,005
(panting)
448
00:19:15,006 --> 00:19:17,057
(groans)
449
00:19:17,058 --> 00:19:19,985
Listen, I tried to fool you,
and that was wrong.
450
00:19:19,986 --> 00:19:22,137
This is an abomination!
451
00:19:22,138 --> 00:19:24,231
What are you doing
at a school debate?
452
00:19:24,232 --> 00:19:27,809
My illegitimate son goes here.
453
00:19:27,810 --> 00:19:29,903
Oh, the shame.
454
00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:31,830
I still have good ideas.
455
00:19:31,831 --> 00:19:34,500
All I hear is "nag, nag, nag."
456
00:19:34,501 --> 00:19:36,910
CROWD (chanting):
Dubya! Dubya!
457
00:19:36,911 --> 00:19:39,505
Dubya! Dubya!
458
00:19:39,506 --> 00:19:42,416
(groans):
Oh, boy.
459
00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:44,751
I didn't want to believe
my popularity was
460
00:19:44,752 --> 00:19:46,828
based on my stupid smile.
461
00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:49,089
(groans):
Oh, but it was.
462
00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:51,333
You're just a kid,
and things are changing.
463
00:19:51,334 --> 00:19:53,427
In the future,
women will be judged
464
00:19:53,428 --> 00:19:55,879
by what they say,
not how they look.
465
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,933
Maybe, but the future is
a really long way away.
466
00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,436
Told you you should smile more.
467
00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:05,013
The future is now!
468
00:20:05,014 --> 00:20:06,447
(whoops)
469
00:20:11,946 --> 00:20:13,563
A toast. I have finally
perfected you.
470
00:20:13,564 --> 00:20:16,542
You all look just like Marge,
and you will never leave.
471
00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:20,378
Now, which of you lucky girls
wants to party with Arty?
472
00:20:21,456 --> 00:20:25,200
(stilted):
I am in power save mode.
473
00:20:25,201 --> 00:20:27,628
Oh, fine.
What about you two?
474
00:20:27,629 --> 00:20:29,079
(stilted):
Power save.
475
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,373
(stilted):
One percent battery.
476
00:20:31,374 --> 00:20:32,749
Hmm?
477
00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:35,059
I just don't like you.
478
00:20:36,379 --> 00:20:38,679
Oh! That counts as a kiss.
479
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:46,074
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480
00:20:47,765 --> 00:20:50,366
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481
00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:26,110
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482
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