All language subtitles for Jane.the.Virgin.S02E01.WEB-DL.265

Latin lover narrator:
Hey, you guys.

Welcome back.

When jane was young,

Her grandmother taught her

To protect her flower.

And so, jane waited.

Which wasn't always easy.

This was jane's fianc� michael.

He's a detective.

Their life was perfectly
on track until...

Oh, there you are,
dr. Alver.

You have an insemination
in seven and a pap in eight.

I got it.
Latin lover narrator:
She does not "got it."

Are you ready
for your insemination?

Hi, yes!

I artificially inseminated
the wrong woman.

Latin lover narrator:
And the father to be?

Rafael solano, the rich owner
of the marbella hotel.

See, rafael had cancer

So it was his very last sperm
sample... Or so he thought.

But guess what happened?

Jane and rafael,
they fell in love.

So, jane broke up with michael.

And rafael broke up with petra.

Until rafael started spiraling
and broke up with jane...

Which for the record,
he really regrets.

Also full of regrets?
Petra.

See, she owns
part of rafael's hotel,

But she doesn't have
the one thing she really wants.

Rafael.
So, when this happened...

Diane:
Your husband's sperm sample

Was split into two vials.

One was misplaced.
We just found it.

...She naturally took it
herself.

I know, straight out
of a telenovela, right?

Well, imagine this--

Jane's father was
international telenovela star

Rogelio de la vega.

And he reconnected
with her mother xiomara.

And remember detective michael?

Well, he was on the hunt

For sin rostro,
a notorious crime boss

Who ran a plastic surgery ring,
changing criminals' faces.

And sin rostro turned out to be
rafael's stepmother rose.

And she disappeared and who
knows what she looks like now?

(whistling)
I know, omg, right?

And speaking of omg,

Jane had her baby.

A beautiful boy named mateo,

And then, this happened...

Bye, mateo.

(whistling)

Which, I'm afraid,
is where we left off.

(tires squealing)

To give some context,

Last night's episode
of the miracles of mariana

Ended with quite
the frightening cliffhanger.

Jane:
Yeah, but,

I just don't know if I can
stomach all the ups and downs.

Then don't watch.

Of course I'm watching.

(theme song playing)

Did you make me...?

Turn it up, ma.

(shushes)
(speaks spanish)

ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
www.PSArips.com

Latin lover narrator:
Jane would think about

That theme song briefly
when she was told

The worst news ever.

But that hasn't happened yet.

You see, we're only...

Jane:
Definitely not that one.

Wait, what's wrong
with this one?

Well, he's got a hat on.

We got to send one out
that shows his hair.

He's known for his hair.

He's known for his hair?

Well, he will
be when we

Send out the birth
announcement.

Hey, what are you two
doing over there?

Nothing.
I agree.

Just discussing their drunken
wedding night in vegas.

Where's mateo?
Matelio.

How long's
the hearing test take anyway?

He's only been gone
nine minutes.

You timed it?

We're on a nursing
schedule.

You have to keep track.

When he eats,
which boob,

How long?

Mom, it's helpful.

Hey, there.
Hi.

I'm here to take mateo
for his hearing test.

Oh, another nurse took him.

Really? Who?

Helen, her name was.

There's no nurse
in maternity named helen.

It should be noted
that moments before

Getting the call that
would change everything,

Michael was feeling...
Well, I'll be honest--

A little blue.

You okay, buddy?

Oh, yeah.

Just, uh, I don't know,

A little blue.
(chuckles)

Yeah. Me, too.

I got passed over
for a promotion.

Again.

Ah, that sucks.

My ex-fianc�e was,
uh, accidentally

Artificially inseminated
with the sperm

Of this rich hotel owner,
who she just happened

To have a crush on
in high school.

And they had their
baby tonight, so...

Wow. You win.

(cell phone rings)

Hello.

Rose:
Hello, detective cordero.

Rose?

Or sin rostro.

(chuckles): I always did love
a good play on words.

Why are you calling?

Because I have
something you want.

I want answers!
That's what I want!

Where is our son?!
We don't know.

The baby's
not in the hospital.

And I've just got word
that surveillance tapes

Show the woman, the
one jane described...

According to his chart,
he hasn't had his hearing test.

Oh, it was a full house earlier.
I'm sorry.

No problem.
I'll take him.

...She's on surveillance
leaving the building.

We've called the police

And we've issued
an amber alert.

Rogelio:
I'll retweet it.

Xiomara:
Jane, honey?

Latin lover narrator:
Which brings us here now,

To that moment I mentioned,

When jane wished
for a theme song.

Something to tell her
it would be all right.

But there wasn't a theme song.

There was only...

(cell phone ringing)

Michael?

Hey.
Michael, someone took him.

Someone took mateo.

Jane, I-I need you to listen
to me for a second.

Are you listening?
What is happening?

Jane, listen, I need you
to clear out the room.

I know who has mateo
and I know how to get him back.

(gasping)

Wait, rose?

I don't understand.

What does she want?

Rose:
Let's call it a trade.

I had a dragonfly broach.

Luisa took it
when we last saw each other.

(moaning)

And it was of real value.

Apparently, it was logged into
evidence at your police station.

Get it out
and I'll give you mateo.

Rafael:
Do the police even do that?

Do they make trades?
It doesn't matter.

This can't be official.
She said just me.

What?!
Look,
following her instructions

Is the quickest,
safest way to get mateo back.

And that is all I want.

You know that's all I want.

I trust him, please.

Fine, but I am going with you.

Okay.
Me, too!

Wait, what?

No, you just gave birth.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm his mother.

And I have to feed
him in 92 minutes.

So I'm not gonna just
sit here and wait.

I'm going. End of story.

(theme song playing)

I'm just gonna need
a hand out of bed.

Grab those wipes.

And-and grab that burp cloth.

Oh, and I need pants.

Hey, can you grab me
that bag of, um,

Adult diapers?

All right, let's go!

(groaning)

81 minutes;
mateo has to eat in 81 minutes.

Just answer me--
did you take the pin?

You don't have it?

You're not gonna
get in trouble.

Did you take the pin?

We'll be right there.

Wait,
where are we going?

Who has it?
Your sister.

Luisa?!
(gasps)

Latin lover narrator:
No, not luisa!

Rafael:
Luisa, calm down.

Ah, who am I kidding?

Where is the pin?

I w-went to get it

And...

What's that, babe?

Oh, nothing.

The police just wanted

Something to do with rose.

Your ex-girlfriend?

Um, it's some, like,
evidence thing.

You kept a box
of her stuff?

No!

Okay, yeah, but...

They-they were
just cataloging so much,

I didn't think
that they would miss it.

You saved things from your

Psychopath ex-girlfriend?!

Okay, first of all,
she's not a psychopath.

She's a sociopath.
Oh, my god!

You're still hung up on her!
No, juicy, I swear, I'm not.

I'm really not.

Will you just please
give that back?

No! No friggin' way!

Juicy! Juicy!
No!

Wait!

No!

Oh, no!

(moaning)

Oh!

(jane sighs)

Latin lover narrator:
Go. Go!

(gasps)

Guys, I got it!

(grunts)
come on!

Hurry up and get
out of the pool!

Xiomara:
She'll call.

The minute jane has
him, she'll call.

(phone chimes)

(gasps)

(sighs)
just gloria estefan.

She wants to know
if there's anything she can do.

Give me the baby.

Latin lover narrator:
Ah, yes.

You remember nadine, right?

Do you at least understand now
why I went to work for her?

This, this is
what she does, michael.

She makes it so
that you can't say no.
(baby fusses)

Give me mateo.

Where's the pin?

Do you even want to know
what's on the chip inside?

No.

All of the faces
sin rostro changed--

Crime bosses, drug lords.

It's a record of what
they looked like before

And what they look like now.

Still want to trade?

Yes.

Huh.

Rose was right.

See, I wasn't so sure
you would do it.

Oh, my god.

Oh! Go! Run!

Latin lover narrator:
And so, rafael ran.

(baby fussing)
and then, even though

She shouldn't have been
physically able to,

Jane ran, too.

Well, we'll call it running,
that thing she's doing.

The point is jane made it
to her son.

Oh, you're okay.

You're okay. Mommy's here.

Aww, and they all lived

Happily ever after.

Well, except for jane.

And rafael and michael.

And things are really
screwed up with luisa,

And xo and ro, and don't
get me started on petra.

Anyway, let's just enjoy
this moment.

Because it won't last.

It's okay.

Latin lover narrator:
And so,

Mateo gloriano rogelio
solano villanueva

Had quite a dramatic
first night,

Causing enough worry
for a lifetime.

So he was gone
142 minutes...

A fact his mother
would remind him

When, at 16,

He was nearly two hours late
for his curfew.

...Which is only 20 minutes
from when I would have fed him.

But that's the distant future.

Right now, jane just wanted
to hear two little words.

He looks great.

He's fine.
Oh!

That's what I was thinking,

But "he looks great"
works, too.

I'm sorry, I'm just so happy.

Doctor:
So let's get him
on the scale, huh?

Okay.

(squeals)

Okay, looks like

He's six pounds and nine ounces.
Wait, what?

He was seven pounds
when he was born.

Why would he lose weight?
Well, it can
actually take babies

Up to two weeks to get back up
to their birth weight,

Which is why I'm not
too concerned.

Oh, you can get him now.

Okay, so you're not
too concerned.

Does that mean
that you're a little concerned?

Latin lover narrator:
Observe jane

Trying not to panic.

Well, that's about
ten percent already,

So it's at the outer
limits of normal,

But you're nursing.

So it's likely your milk
just hasn't come in.

Should we get him
a bottle, maybe?

No, I really want nursing
to work.

No, I just mean
in the meantime.

Bottles can get
in the way.

It's a supply
and demand thing.

The more the baby eats,
the more she makes.

Look who was paying attention
in lactation class.

Oh, right,

The one he was too busy
to come to.

There could also be
nipple confusion.

Mom, now you're just
showing off.

Observe rafael
trying to pretend he knows

What nipple confusion is.

It means that mateo
can get confused

Between the bottle
and the breast

And the concern is that
he would prefer the bottle.

Just try to contribute
something, man.

Not if he's my son.

Ooh, not that.

So, how's the nursing
been going?

I thought okay,

Just short.

He falls asleep pretty quickly.

Oh, you have to nip that
in the bud.

Wake him up, wet washcloth

To his cheeks and his feet.
Got it.

Is there anything else
that you can think of off hand?

Maybe we can take
another class together.

Mom, you were rolling your eyes
the entire class.

No, not the whole time.

Let's go. I'm in.

Sounds like a plan.
Let's weigh mateo again

In the next few days
and see where he's at, okay?

Okay. But you're okay.

Armstrong:
You know, it's a damn miracle.

A woman changing her mind,

Leaving the baby at
a church like that.

Yeah, no kidding.

Anyway, I got to head out.

Yeah, one last thing.

Nadine hanson's tracker
was disabled last night.

One last thing,

Tell nadine to toss her cell.

Can't help wondering
if someone tipped her off

On our side.

What are you implying?

You were partners.
I have to ask.

I'm the one who planted
that tracker.

You know how important
catching sin rostro is to me.

Latin lover narrator:
This was true,

Second only to...

Go home, shower.
I'm just gonna go feed him.

And sleep.

She needs to sleep.

Look, we've got to try

To get back to normal, right?

Yeah, right.

But it didn't feel right.

Mr. Solano.

Hi. Didn't expect
to see you here so soon.

I'm not really here, scott.

Just wrapping up
some loose ends.

You know, petra's taking care
of that meeting with the bank.

Gotcha. So should I just
wake her, then, or...?

What?

Ah, yes, petra.

Petra.

Petra?
Latin lover narrator:
You know what?

It's been a while
since we last saw petra.

I should catch you up.

Last night, after stealing
her ex-husband's sperm,

Petra did what any
reasonable person would do.

She drunk dialed her mother.

After being hung up on
three times

By the north miami-dade
women's correction institution,

Petra decided to make
a pro-con list.

Well, there was just the one.

Uh-oh. Beer goggles.

Rafael:
Come on, baby,

You know you want me.

Petra!

(sighs)

What is this?

Rafael, wait...
You
and luisa

Have a meeting with the bank
in an hour.

Obviously, I don't want
my sister to talk...

Have you been drinking?

It's been an emotional night.

(clears throat)

How's your son?

He's...

Great.

Great.

I have the meeting
under control, okay?

Anything else?

No.

Thank you, petra.

I'll say this.

The girl's got spunk.

Hey.

Why aren't
you sleeping?

I'm not tired.

What if I hold him?

You think you'll be able
to sleep then?

Yeah.

Mmm.

I'm not tired, ma.
Ah.

(cries)

(whispers):
Mi amor.

(sighs)

It's over,
right, mom?

Yes. It's over.

Totally over.

And so jane closed her eyes,

And for the first time
since giving birth,

She slept.

For eight and a half minutes.

(distant clamoring)

Do you hear that?

I think I know
that sound.

(gasps)

(indistinct clamoring)

Whoa...

(clamoring continues)

Okay, so maybe
it's not totally over.

(clamoring)
rogelio:
I don't understand.

How did this happen?
Reporter (on tv):
It all began

When international
telenovela star

Rogelio de la vega retweeted
an amber alert

That his grandchild
was kidnapped.

He then tweeted
the baby's safe return.

From there,
the story got really #crazy.

See, when you google the name
jane villanueva, this comes up.

Oh, no.

Could this be
a modern-day miracle?

No!
Yes.

She was a teacher in our school.

And you exploited me!

And we believed in her.

Especially when things
started happening.

Things? What things?
I have
no idea.

We tried to get pregnant
for seven years.

I'm not sure.

And then I hugged jane.

No...

We're due in three months.

Ever heard of a coincidence,
lady?

Abuela!
(growls)

Reporter: And it gets stranger.
Apparently, jane went into labor

On the 125 bus line.

Let's meet the woman
who assisted her,

The angel, gabriel.

It's gabrielle.
All right.

Can you tell us anything
about this miraculous ride?

I don't know
if it was miraculous.

Yes, exactly.
Thank you, gabriel. Gabrielle!

Reporter:
But some might disagree.

I actually saw the baby.

What the hell?
It should say "slutty crystal."

My mistake.
I was coming out
of my car this morning...

Translation: She was
having sweaty car sex

So her mom wouldn't know she
was back with dumbass donny.

And jane was holding the baby,

And, I swear, he had this...

Glow.

Okay, okay,
enough, enough!

(sighs)
what am I gonna do?

Jane, I've been dealing
with the press for many years.

Let me help.

Okay.
But first,

Do you want to shut it down
or do a tour

Of the morning shows
and turn this into a book deal?

Dad, I want to
shut it down.

That's what I assumed.

So we should release
a straightforward statement,

Emphasizing the fact
that this was a medical mistake.

(clamoring intensifies)

Oh, good. Rafael's right
on time for lactation class.

Man:
Are you the father?!

What the hell
is going on?
It's crazy. Oh!

Oh, my god.
Logan just said we were on tv!
Oh, my gosh!

Oh, hi, jane.
How are you?
Selfie!

#babymateo, #miracle,
#secondcoming.

You have three
tags trending--

It's outrageous.
Rogelio: Girls!
Stop it! Enough!

Stop it, stop it,
stop it, girls, stop it.

Okay, come in.

I don't even know how I'll get
out of here to go to the class.

I mean, they'll
probably follow us.

Rogelio:
They will definitely
follow you.

But don't worry.

I know how to evade
the paparazzi.

Latin lover narrator:
And to give him credit, he did.

Which brings us here.

Hey, jane.

What's going on?

Well, uh, mateo falls asleep
when he's nursing.

And he just lost so much weight
in the first day.

Exactly like mine.

It was an issue
with her latch.

Move into the sun
a little bit.

Indirect sunlight is good
for them in the first days.

Oh, okay.

Thank you so much.

I was also
wondering--

Does, um, trauma affect
milk supply?

Definitely.

Milk can come in later for
mommies who've had c-sections.

How about mommies
who've had kidnappings?

Don't worry.

We'll figure it out.

Now, let me see
your breasts.

Hmm.

We're not
shy here.

Oh, no,
me neither.

Okay... Then...

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Huh.

We'll fix it.

Pick up the baby, and
when he opens wide,

I'm gonna stuff your
breast into his mouth

Like a hamburger, okay?

Uh, let's give her
some privacy.

Rafael:
Thanks again
for the police escort.

Oh, no problem.

I think that's what rogelio
thinks I do all day

Is drive around celebrities.
(chuckles)

Actually, I'm gonna
wait in the car.
Hey, can I...
Can I ask you something?

You know what?

I'm gonna bust in here
and translate for michael.

Sure.

How did you deal with
how close they all are?

You know, the
villanueva women.

Meaning?

I could just kind
of use some advice.

Oh, wow.

It's just I'm having
a hard time finding

That moment to
assert myself.

With the baby, you know?

I mean, it's my kid, too.

And I'm kind of feeling like
it's hard to get in there.

You know?

Okay, a quick rundown
of michael's options.

And he chose...

Any other option,
seriously.

I mean, if she would have just
chosen any other option...

I'm sorry.
(scoffs)

Are you actually
blaming the banker

For your behavior
at the meeting?

So can we get you
something to drink?

Just a juice.

Juice.

Juicy.

I'm sorry, I'm having trouble
with my girlfriend.

Okay, we're done here.

Now, on to important stuff.

The sperm.

Scott?
Scott: Yeah?

I had a little shopping
bag-- small, blue.

Oh, yeah,
the baby present.

I put it up in mr. Solano's
penthouse for you.

I believe the words
you're looking for are,

"oh, crap."

Latin lover narrator:
Ah, yes.

You'll recall, we left petra

On the hunt
for a metallic canister

Filled with her ex-husband's
last semen sample.

Hello?

Hmm, where could it be?

Ooh, the baby nursery.

(baby crying)

What's wrong?

You just ate, and we
straightened out the latch.

Michael:
Well, there's still
about 25 people out there.

They know if they step
on this property,

I arrest them
for trespassing.

(men chanting)

What is that?

Got to be kidding me.

Rogelio:
They will go away.

Eventually.

Latin lover narrator:
Things do, after all,

Go away.

A cupcake?

I had the ob write
down the sex.

So blue inside,
it's a boy.

Pink, it's a girl.

Really?
Yeah, it's
cheesy, okay?

I know, I'm
hormonal, so I...

Hey.

I love it.

Ready?

Yeah.

Does that look like
blue or pink to you?

It looks...

Purple.
Purple.

(laughing)

Great.

Latin lover narrator:
Hurry up, petra.

Wait, why am I rooting for her?

(elevator bell dings)

(shouts)

Petra.

What are you doing here?

I'm looking for
you, actually.

Well, part of you, anyway.

To tell you that your sister
was a disaster in the meeting.

She cried.

My purse, please.

Luisa:
Hey, raf.

You cried? Seriously?

I needed that loan so I could
afford to buy petra out.

You knew that.

You knew I've been
doing everything

To try to get her on my side.

Flirting even.

But you are so selfish
that you don't...

Look, I'm sorry.

You know what?

I don't even know
why I'm surprised anymore.

(sighs heavily)

Hey.

You okay?

You know me so well.

Yeah, plus you were
sighing pretty loud, so...

I did this.

I brought the paparazzi
upon her, michael.

If I hadn't retweeted
that amber alert...

I never thought I'd feel

Anything but #blessed
to be famous.

But now I'm feeling #cursed.

From my standpoint...

As resident villanueva expert?

...As a cop, you did
everything right.

Nine out of ten times,

That amber alert would
have really helped us out.

But I just feel
so impotent, michael.

Not in a sexual way,
but in a paternal way.

Yeah, yeah.

That kind of makes
sense, you know?

Is it like-- jane's
going through so much,

You just don't know
how to help her?

Exactly.

In the last 24 hours,

I have ruined multiple
celebrity friendships

By tweeting
their dirty secrets

In an effort
to distract the press.

It has not worked.

You know what,
no more tweeting.

'cause tweeting is not
gonna help jane right now.

So think smaller.

Less celebrity stuff,
more grandfather...

(groans)

Abuelo.

Do you have a name in mind?

Papa.

Nice, ambiguous.

Nice.

Okay, so think papa stuff.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

All right, okay.

Xiomara:
He's eating again?

Yeah, he must not
have gotten enough.

Why don't we just
give him one bottle?

No, I don't want to.

But, baby, you're exhausted.

You haven't slept
in 48 hours.

I'm his mom.

I have to stay strong.

Mothers don't always
have to be strong.

Hon.

I'm sorry.

Just think I'm a
little overwhelmed.

And I'd be okay,
if I knew it was working,

But he just keeps crying,
like he's hungry.

Look, I get all the great
reasons to nurse,

But if it isn't working...

But I have to
make it work.

It can't be my trauma
getting in the way.

Why?
Because what happened
is my fault.

I mean, my maternal instincts,
where were they?

I just gave him
to the nurse.

Baby...

She was wearing a uniform.

She said he needed
a hearing test.

But I should've known.

And I didn't.

And I know
it doesn't make sense,

But I just want to be able
to do this for him.

I just want to be able
to do this one good thing.

Latin lover narrator:
And even though xo agreed,

It really didn't
make any sense,

She too wanted to do something
good for her child.

How can I help?

When he opens his mouth,

Will you stuff my boob in it
like it's a hamburger?

Honey, I am all over it.

And it should be noted,
she was.

(baby crying)
and then she was again.

And... Stuff.

And yet... Again.

And stuff.

Rafael:
Is everything okay?

We don't know.

He's nursing
every 30 minutes.

I must be doing
something wrong.

Maybe he's cluster feeding.

Which brings us back, here.

Come on,
did you doubt michael?

He's a mensch.

Get a book and read it

So you know
what you're talking about.

Then wait for the right moment,

When she doesn't know
and her mom doesn't know,

And even abuela is stumped,

That's when you come in
with the save.

Cluster feeding.
Uh, it's like when a baby eats

And eats before the mature milk
comes in.

I read it here.

My milk is coming in.

Oh, my god,
my milk is coming in!

(laughing)
your milk is coming in!

Nice work.

Yes. Family fist bump.

Family fist bump.

Look who's cluster feeding?

Yeah? And pooping.

Latin lover narrator:
Papa time.

I insist on changing
his diaper.

I just need someone to tell me
exactly how to do it.

I'll help.

Thanks, dad.

Oh...

His first smile.

Oh, how sweet...

The way that none of them
told him it was just gas.

Okay, so I should take off.

Uh, wait.

I just wanted to thank you.

You know,
for your advice earlier.

Aw, he's a mensch, too.

No problem.

What advise?

I was just having
a little trouble

Figuring out my place,
you know, with your family.

Oh?

It's just, you guys
are all so close, you know?

No, I get that.

Rafael: And I know we
are trying to get back

To normal, but it's
not normal what happened.

Yeah, you're right.
And plus, we didn't even

Discuss what our normal would be
and even if we did,

I don't know if it
would count, because

How do you know how you feel
unless you're here?

How do you feel?

Like I don't want
to be away from mateo.

So, do you want to stay over?

Like, for... Like the
first couple weeks?

Wow.

I was angling for, like,
a 6:00 a.M. In, 11:00 p.M. Out.

What?
Yes.

Great.
Great.

Dude, options two and three

Were just sitting there.

(phone swooshes)

Oh, I, uh, still have
rogelio's phone.

What?

Someone tweeted a photo.

Oh, god, of mateo?

Woman:
Move into the sun a little bit.

Indirect sunlight is good
for them in the first days.

Latin lover narrator:
Let it be known that any doubts
about her maternal instincts

Shattered at this moment,
and jane had one thought

And one thought only.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
jane, where are you going?

To shut this down.

Wait, how?

I have no idea.

(crowd clamoring)

And that's when it hit her--

A beam of divine inspiration.

Okay, honestly, the beam
was just a reflection

Coming off
slutty crystal's compact,

But was that just luck
or divine providence?

Well, that's for theologians
to debate.

But the fact remained that
if her makeup wasn't smudged

From sweaty car sex,

Crystal wouldn't
have had to fix it.

And the light
wouldn't have shown,

Providing the answer
to jane's problem.

Jane, hello.

Sister margaret?

Here's the thing.

I didn't want
to come out here before,

'cause the truth is

I've had sex.

A lot.

In cars even.

I just didn't want my grandma
to know, but with all this,

I decided to tell her the truth.

So, now I'm telling you.

I don't believe you.

Well, it's true.

And regardless,

Do you want to be involved

In a public debate
about my virginity?

I mean, doesn't
that sound archaic?

What?

Oh, my god!

I'm leaking milk!

Actually leaking!

You want to see a miracle?

This is a friggin' miracle!

(whoops)
look at this!

Look at this!

Petra:
It's really over.

And I don't want it to be.

And I, I just, I feel like...

I don't know,
I think, I think

Maybe I just feel
a little lonely.

You know?

I am so sorry, sweetheart,

That things are
so difficult for you.

Mm, that's life.

At times, you have to let go
of the peoples you love.

Now, do the reasonable thing.

Sell rafael's sperm back to him.

I'm not selling it, mother.

Your choice.

Just move on.

Latin lover narrator:
Which for the record,

She was trying to do when...

Hey, I want to schedule

A makeup meeting
with the bankers.

My brother's mad at me
and I just...

You okay?

Please, stop pretending
to my friend, luisa.

I heard you

The other night
talking to rafael, okay?

I mean, I feel a little bad

About manipulating petra,

But I have a family now

With jane.

And you walked away?

Yes, of course, I walked away.

And was it divine providence
that these two

Met at this moment...

Then you missed raf saying
how he had no choice.

Jane insisted.

...When luisa was determined
to find some way

To help her brother
with his petra situation.

And then, I asked him,
point blank--

If all things were even
who he wished he was with.

What did he say?

Well again, that's for
theologians to debate.

But the fact remains--

The following events
did exactly transpire.

He got mad at me, actually.

Because if I hadn't screwed up
in the first place,

Then none of this would be
happening, which... It's true.

I mean,
that should have been your baby.

Thank you.

What?
The baker says
it's a boy!

It's a boy?
It's a boy.

It's a boy?!
(laughing)

You're right.

It should have been my baby.

To be fair: Luisa didn't know
petra had rafael's sperm.

There's still a chance
with you and raf.

I swear.

And so it was

That after
a quick google search,

And some pointers
from fertilitygoddess1345...

(doorbell rings)

A sandwich and the
extra turkey baster?

Perfect. Thank you.

...Petra decideth...

To go for it.

� �

Doctor:
Okay, it looks like
mateo is...

Seven pounds
and two ounces.

What?!

That's better
than before.
(laughing)

We hug now, right?

Yes.
(sighs)

And I'm impressed.
Good job.

(happy squeal)
go-go tell your mom.

Okay.

Better than before?

Yes! Okay,
I'm going back in.

(laughs)
(panting)

(sighs, panting)

Yeah, I think
I'm just overwhelmed.

Mm.
(sighs)

I've just been
so worried about her.

So... I think there's something

I should tell you and jane...

Now that everything's okay.

By the power vested in me
by the state of nevada

And the goddess cher,
who is with us here in spirit,

I now pronounce you man
and wife.

(applause and cheering)

You got married?
By a cher impersonator?

Latin lover narrator:
� oh, if they could
turn back time. �

It was obviously
a mistake.

We're getting
it annulled.

Abuela!
Ma!

(laughing)
�qu�?

(laughter)

Morning, boss.

It's not a good time, scott.

Oh, I'll be quick.

I just wanted to
discuss the fact

That you stole
mr. Solano's sperm?

Latin lover narrator:
Oh, petra.

You thought
you got off scot-free.

(smacks his lips)

Home, huh?

Just wanted to make sure

There were no more
crazy people around.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I haven't had a
chance to say thank you.

For... I don't know.

How do you say...
For everything?

For everything.

Oh, of course.

You know... Anything.

All in a day's work

For our villanueva
family advisor.

So, you know rafael's
staying over.
Oh, I know.

No, but, like, just
as the baby's father.

Huh? You don't tell that
to an advisor.

That was weird. I don't even
know why I'm telling you that.

But michael knew exactly why.

No.

I just wanted to try some
skin-to-skin contact.

What?

Well, it helps babies bond
with their dads.

It's, uh, chapter
12 in the book.

Oh, right. Yeah.
Yeah, I read that.

It was a really cool chapter.

So I should probably
go to sleep.

I have to be up in, um...

121 minutes.

(laughs)
okay.

Good night.

Night.

(baby coos softly)

This is a little weird.

Yeah, but it was always
gonna be weird.

True.

And it's actually kind of...

Regular weird.

Which is good?

Yeah. It's really good.

And so it was.

For now.

Oh, wait, I forgot one thing.

(beeps)

(speaking german)

Latin lover narrator:
I could really use some

"it's-going-to-be-okay"
theme music right about now.