Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,847
Oh, crazy about Joker and Harley.
3
00:00:25,848 --> 00:00:27,717
I heard they tried an
open relationship thing,
4
00:00:27,718 --> 00:00:29,542
which everybody knows
only works for gay men.
5
00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:33,567
Your idle gossip distracts
me from my master plan.
6
00:00:33,568 --> 00:00:35,327
Break the Batman.
7
00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:37,727
Punish Gotham for its transgressions,
8
00:00:37,728 --> 00:00:41,297
and stand atop the mountain of skulls
9
00:00:41,298 --> 00:00:44,397
left in my wake.
10
00:00:44,398 --> 00:00:47,837
- Anyway, I heard Harley...
- Morning.
11
00:00:47,838 --> 00:00:51,137
- How are you?
- Fine. Why wouldn't I be?
12
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:54,147
Because Harley dumped you.
13
00:00:54,148 --> 00:00:58,417
- You know?
- People are saying that Harley dumped me?
14
00:01:05,328 --> 00:01:08,327
Please! You know what?
I don't even care.
15
00:01:08,328 --> 00:01:12,897
I wish her well.
16
00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:14,197
Ivy, no rush,
17
00:01:14,198 --> 00:01:16,167
but Howie Mandel's only showing
18
00:01:16,168 --> 00:01:18,407
how to turn Thanksgiving leftovers
19
00:01:18,408 --> 00:01:21,037
into an entire nativity scene.
20
00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:22,677
Oh, my God! Wait, what?
21
00:01:22,678 --> 00:01:24,307
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
22
00:01:24,308 --> 00:01:25,531
Next, I'm gonna show you
23
00:01:25,532 --> 00:01:27,947
how to make a mashed potato Virgin Mary.
24
00:01:27,948 --> 00:01:30,217
But first,
25
00:01:30,218 --> 00:01:33,465
please welcome my, uh, surprise co-host.
26
00:01:33,466 --> 00:01:36,887
Uh, you know him as the
clown prince of crime.
27
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,787
Let's give it up for the Joker!
28
00:01:41,258 --> 00:01:42,387
- Shit!
- Damn it.
29
00:01:42,388 --> 00:01:44,027
- Ooh.
- Get ready, America.
30
00:01:44,028 --> 00:01:46,921
Howie's got something
he's dying to tell you.
31
00:01:46,922 --> 00:01:49,597
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not Howie!
32
00:01:49,598 --> 00:01:51,397
You know what's stupid?
33
00:01:51,398 --> 00:01:54,667
Me, for playfully implying
on yesterday's show that
34
00:01:54,668 --> 00:01:56,177
the celebrity villain couple,
35
00:01:56,178 --> 00:01:59,247
formerly known as "JoQuinn" is no more.
36
00:01:59,248 --> 00:02:00,577
Thanks, Howie.
37
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,847
When I dumped poor,
sad, what's her name...
38
00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:04,417
- She's right over here.
- Frank.
39
00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:06,447
I promised I would respect her wishes
40
00:02:06,448 --> 00:02:09,817
to drift into the darkness
of total anonymity.
41
00:02:09,818 --> 00:02:12,787
And for the record,
our couple name was...
42
00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:15,627
- "Joker".
- Oh, that liar trying to blow up
43
00:02:15,628 --> 00:02:18,373
the cleanest and nicest
talk show host in television!
44
00:02:18,374 --> 00:02:19,997
Just ignore him. He's baiting you.
45
00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:21,391
It's not worth getting angry over.
46
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:24,467
Sorry, but that's all the time
we have today, Howie.
47
00:02:24,468 --> 00:02:26,267
And speaking of time,
48
00:02:26,268 --> 00:02:28,337
yours is running out.
49
00:02:28,338 --> 00:02:30,961
I need a very brave wardrobe girl!
50
00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:33,671
Jesus, Harls.
51
00:02:33,672 --> 00:02:35,477
This is why I don't put the good TV out.
52
00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:37,407
Good TV? Where you hiding that bad boy?
53
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,147
If he thinks I'm just gonna
fade away into obscurity,
54
00:02:40,148 --> 00:02:41,341
he doesn't know what's coming.
55
00:02:41,342 --> 00:02:42,957
Who cares? You're doing great.
56
00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:45,601
You got a killer new outfit,
you started meditating.
57
00:02:45,602 --> 00:02:47,387
I haven't started yet. I
just downloaded the app.
58
00:02:47,388 --> 00:02:48,457
That's a first step.
59
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:49,927
You're a strong, independent woman
60
00:02:49,928 --> 00:02:51,527
who doesn't care what
other people think.
61
00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:53,097
Right! Who cares what Joker
62
00:02:53,098 --> 00:02:55,167
and his stupid Legion
of Doom buddies think.
63
00:02:55,168 --> 00:02:56,937
- Exactly!
- Preach!
64
00:02:56,938 --> 00:02:59,437
Hell, I'll show them in
person how little I care.
65
00:02:59,438 --> 00:03:01,001
What? No. What are you doing?
66
00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:03,707
- Logging into Joker's calendar.
- Oh, God, we're off the rails.
67
00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:05,037
No, let it play out.
68
00:03:05,038 --> 00:03:06,847
Oh, hey, there's a
party at the Gotham Mint
69
00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:08,747
with the Legion of Doom guys tomorrow!
70
00:03:08,748 --> 00:03:11,017
Oh, if he wants to
fuck with me in public,
71
00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:12,447
I will fuck right back!
72
00:03:12,448 --> 00:03:14,247
- Please do not do this.
- Please do that shit.
73
00:03:14,248 --> 00:03:15,517
I'm just gonna show those guys
74
00:03:15,518 --> 00:03:16,917
how awesome I'm doing without him.
75
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,068
It'll be so fun!
76
00:03:18,069 --> 00:03:21,259
And you can meet a hot guy
and use your cool love potion.
77
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:23,797
This isn't a love potion.
It's my distilled pheromones.
78
00:03:23,798 --> 00:03:25,467
It makes men infatuated with me
79
00:03:25,468 --> 00:03:27,437
and then kills them by
turning them into plants.
80
00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:28,797
Right, a love potion.
81
00:03:28,798 --> 00:03:31,637
- Please come with me. Please!
- No.
82
00:03:31,638 --> 00:03:33,407
- Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
- Stop.
83
00:03:33,408 --> 00:03:36,507
- Frank, shut up. Saying no again.
- Do it. Do it. Do it.
84
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,801
What? Stop saying "do it".
85
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,247
Do it, do it, do it.
86
00:03:39,248 --> 00:03:40,707
- Fine.
- Yes.
87
00:03:40,708 --> 00:03:43,347
Oh, shit. Howie exploded.
88
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,735
- No!
- Not Howie.
89
00:03:45,736 --> 00:03:48,717
- Joker, you son of a bitch!
- That's my phone, uh...
90
00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:37,544
Did you know that this
party was for children?
91
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:38,942
I do now.
92
00:04:38,943 --> 00:04:41,207
Although, technically, one
boy becomes a man today.
93
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:44,407
Are you one of the dancers
for my nephew's bar mitzvah?
94
00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:46,207
Jesus, Harley!
95
00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:50,517
Rock bottom came fast
as the Joker dumped you.
96
00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:52,087
Uh, she dumped him,
97
00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:54,635
and you smell like
shrimp shit. Excuse us.
98
00:04:54,636 --> 00:04:55,987
- We should leave.
- No, no, no, no, no.
99
00:04:55,988 --> 00:04:57,557
All the Legion bigwigs are here.
100
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:58,887
I came to show 'em how great
101
00:04:58,888 --> 00:05:00,687
I'm doing and I am gonna!
102
00:05:00,688 --> 00:05:02,457
This isn't your coming out party.
103
00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:04,449
It's a 13-year-old
boy's coming out party.
104
00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:05,667
Look, a lot of people made
105
00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:06,927
a name for themselves at parties.
106
00:05:06,928 --> 00:05:08,537
Bane, he decided to blow up
107
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:10,537
Gotham Stadium during Trivia Night.
108
00:05:10,538 --> 00:05:13,742
- Oh, the Dallas Cowboys.
- Incorrect.
109
00:05:13,743 --> 00:05:15,177
The Steelers have won
110
00:05:15,178 --> 00:05:17,107
the most games at Gotham Stadium.
111
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,677
I'm gonna blow up Gotham Stadium.
112
00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:21,672
Fine, just don't leave me alone.
113
00:05:21,673 --> 00:05:24,277
Or some like D-list
villain will hit on me
114
00:05:24,278 --> 00:05:25,817
or ask to do a heist with me
115
00:05:25,818 --> 00:05:28,747
and the longer we
wait... Okay, she's gone.
116
00:05:28,748 --> 00:05:30,657
Kite Man.
117
00:05:30,658 --> 00:05:33,487
What? What was that? Whoa.
118
00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:38,497
Did I just hear the wind say "Kite Man?"
119
00:05:38,498 --> 00:05:40,227
I think you're alone in that.
120
00:05:40,228 --> 00:05:41,397
Hell yeah!
121
00:05:41,398 --> 00:05:43,397
Good God.
122
00:05:43,398 --> 00:05:46,067
I need a permit for a trap door?
123
00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:47,107
The whole point is
124
00:05:47,108 --> 00:05:48,767
no one is supposed to know about it!
125
00:05:48,768 --> 00:05:50,377
Especially the City.
126
00:05:50,378 --> 00:05:52,777
I need this lair rebuilt now.
127
00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:55,701
Knock, knock, who's
there? It's me, Joker.
128
00:05:55,702 --> 00:05:58,617
You will never guess
who's at the bar mitzvah.
129
00:05:58,618 --> 00:06:00,147
Jesus, Bane!
130
00:06:00,148 --> 00:06:03,387
I don't have time for a
guessing game. Hang on.
131
00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:05,657
Those shoes have black soles!
132
00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,087
Put plastic booties on.
133
00:06:07,088 --> 00:06:10,027
Harley is at Penguin's
nephew's bar mitzvah.
134
00:06:10,028 --> 00:06:11,897
She crashed the stupid thing?
135
00:06:11,898 --> 00:06:14,697
Yeah, seems like she's
doing pretty well.
136
00:06:14,698 --> 00:06:16,967
Brought a tiger. Pretty cool.
137
00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:19,567
What? Anyone can buy a tiger.
138
00:06:19,568 --> 00:06:21,507
You know she has HPV, right?
139
00:06:21,508 --> 00:06:24,437
Most sexually active adults do.
140
00:06:24,438 --> 00:06:27,038
Shut up! I'm on my way.
141
00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:29,917
Uh-oh! Who are these troublemakers?
142
00:06:29,918 --> 00:06:32,547
Nah, I'm just kidding. I
know it's you, Scarecrow,
143
00:06:32,548 --> 00:06:34,417
Two-Face, other half of Two-Face,
144
00:06:34,418 --> 00:06:35,747
Bane.
145
00:06:37,018 --> 00:06:39,257
I'm going to blow up this bar mitzvah.
146
00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:41,927
Quinn, great to see you.
Where you been hiding?
147
00:06:41,928 --> 00:06:44,097
On your left, where you can't see shit.
148
00:06:45,498 --> 00:06:48,367
So, guess who has a plan to
finally get rid of Batman?
149
00:06:48,368 --> 00:06:50,597
Ya girl.
150
00:06:50,598 --> 00:06:52,707
Look who's' trying to run
151
00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:53,837
before she can crawl.
152
00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:56,907
Mazel tov!
153
00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:59,077
- Jesus.
- Glad you're here, J-Man.
154
00:06:59,078 --> 00:07:00,877
Pull up a chair. Doesn't bother me.
155
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,877
So, who's goin' beef
and who's goin' chicken?
156
00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:04,617
You are going somewhere else.
157
00:07:04,618 --> 00:07:06,817
Because this is the
Legion of Doom table!
158
00:07:06,818 --> 00:07:09,757
Why don't you go find
the Crazy Bitch table?
159
00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:11,887
Spoiler: It's not a real table.
160
00:07:11,888 --> 00:07:13,557
That was implied!
161
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,527
Who wants to ditch this jester
and tear up Gotham with me?
162
00:07:20,598 --> 00:07:21,867
Laugh. Laugh with me.
163
00:07:24,398 --> 00:07:26,007
You know what? Who needs ya?
164
00:07:26,008 --> 00:07:29,183
This table's too far away
from the dance floor anyway.
165
00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:34,147
Ugh, can you believe those assholes?
166
00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:36,017
You know what? I don't need
'em. I'll sit with you guys.
167
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:39,887
Uh, no. This is the
Joshua best friends' table.
168
00:07:39,888 --> 00:07:41,617
Unless, you're the girl
169
00:07:41,618 --> 00:07:43,187
that Joshua fingerbanged at Camp.
170
00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:44,957
If I said yes, would
you let me sit here?
171
00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:48,997
Trick question. Joshua has
never fingerbanged anyone.
172
00:07:48,998 --> 00:07:50,427
Ha!
173
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:54,267
So, Ivy-Ivy-Bo-Bivy.
174
00:07:54,268 --> 00:07:56,137
Um, let me ask you a personal question.
175
00:07:56,138 --> 00:07:59,437
Have you ever seen
Gotham Central Park...
176
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,337
- From the sky?
- From the sky!
177
00:08:02,338 --> 00:08:04,283
Yeah, you get it. Okay,
you know, I was thinking,
178
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,647
you and I should do a heist together.
179
00:08:06,648 --> 00:08:07,901
Uh, you know what?
180
00:08:07,902 --> 00:08:11,147
I'm just really kinda worn
out from all the heist stuff.
181
00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:12,617
It's just kinda hard being such
182
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,317
a weak woman and whatnot.
183
00:08:14,318 --> 00:08:15,457
Yeah. I bet.
184
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,517
Um, but, hey, I'll do
all the heavy-lifting.
185
00:08:17,518 --> 00:08:18,757
You don't have to break a nail.
186
00:08:18,758 --> 00:08:21,487
It'll be a breeze.
187
00:08:21,488 --> 00:08:22,609
- Breeze.
- Yeah.
188
00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:24,203
It's just 'cause my
powers are wind-based.
189
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,457
You don't have powers!
190
00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,027
You just have a kite like every kid
191
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,827
in every park across the world.
192
00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:30,297
And she doesn't want
to do a heist with you
193
00:08:30,298 --> 00:08:31,767
'cause you're stupid!
194
00:08:31,768 --> 00:08:36,277
- Do you think I'm stupid?
- I mean, don't you?
195
00:08:36,278 --> 00:08:38,577
These assholes always
pretended to be my friends.
196
00:08:38,578 --> 00:08:41,907
But they're really just... assholes!
197
00:08:41,908 --> 00:08:43,647
They think I am not in their league,
198
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,747
but they don't know shit!
199
00:08:45,748 --> 00:08:48,017
Hi, girls. So glad you could come.
200
00:08:48,018 --> 00:08:49,987
I know we're all evil here,
201
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,057
but maybe we could put a little sugar
202
00:08:52,058 --> 00:08:53,757
on that salty language,
203
00:08:53,758 --> 00:08:54,787
you know, for the kids.
204
00:08:54,788 --> 00:08:56,727
Sorry, Mrs. Cobblepot.
205
00:08:56,728 --> 00:08:58,227
Yeah, never again. Sorry.
206
00:08:58,228 --> 00:08:59,667
Dude, we got to get
the fuck out of here.
207
00:08:59,668 --> 00:09:02,167
Hell, no. I'm not giving up.
208
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,667
I'll show these Legion guys
209
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,637
I can do something not even they can!
210
00:09:05,638 --> 00:09:07,207
What's one thing in this room,
211
00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:09,307
none of them ever had the balls to try?
212
00:09:09,308 --> 00:09:11,747
The fruit salad?
213
00:09:11,748 --> 00:09:12,877
Even worse.
214
00:09:12,878 --> 00:09:15,507
I'm gonna rob the Gotham Mint.
215
00:09:15,508 --> 00:09:19,347
Oh.
216
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,147
No cuts!
217
00:09:21,148 --> 00:09:23,087
All right, Stop. Let's
get real for a second.
218
00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:25,457
The Gotham Mint is impenetrable.
219
00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:26,528
They're so confident,
220
00:09:26,529 --> 00:09:29,327
they rented the atrium
out to the Legion of Doom.
221
00:09:29,328 --> 00:09:30,857
Look, I'm doing this thing, all right?
222
00:09:30,858 --> 00:09:32,197
- What if Batman shows up?
- I'll kill him.
223
00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:33,834
- Where's the getaway car?
- I'll steal one.
224
00:09:33,835 --> 00:09:35,767
- Where will you put all the money?
- Look around.
225
00:09:35,768 --> 00:09:37,037
Every kid's wearing a backpack.
226
00:09:37,038 --> 00:09:38,267
Gah! Look, Ivy,
227
00:09:38,268 --> 00:09:39,837
all the reasons you said it can't work
228
00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,648
are exactly the reasons I gotta do it!
229
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,227
They might not like me,
230
00:09:43,228 --> 00:09:44,837
but they will respect
the shit out of me.
231
00:09:44,838 --> 00:09:46,947
All right, fine. Just
go. Go steal the money.
232
00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:49,407
Just do me one favor, okay?
Don't leave me alone here,
233
00:09:49,408 --> 00:09:50,547
because... Oh!
234
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,717
Party's a drag, huh?
235
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,747
I really should quit, but, I just can't.
236
00:09:55,748 --> 00:09:56,987
Go away, fragile child.
237
00:09:56,988 --> 00:09:59,708
Hey, how about we ditch this shindig
238
00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:03,297
and sneak into a PG-13 movie?
239
00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:06,027
My love potion?
240
00:10:06,028 --> 00:10:09,697
I stole your juice and
I gave it to these kids.
241
00:10:09,698 --> 00:10:11,897
- Hell yeah!
- You're an idiot.
242
00:10:11,898 --> 00:10:14,107
Ooh, you mispronounced "genius".
243
00:10:14,108 --> 00:10:17,377
No, that potion makes
people fall in love with me
244
00:10:17,378 --> 00:10:18,378
and then kills them.
245
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:20,571
- What?
- Yes! What did you think,
246
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:21,827
you kite-fucking freak?
247
00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:23,917
My name is Poison Ivy.
248
00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:26,517
Damn! See, this is why
I stick to the kites.
249
00:10:26,518 --> 00:10:28,717
So simple.
250
00:10:28,718 --> 00:10:30,817
Ha!
251
00:10:33,288 --> 00:10:36,857
The vault must be around here somewhere.
252
00:10:41,396 --> 00:10:42,396
Bingo.
253
00:11:11,198 --> 00:11:13,427
We gotta get an antidote
before these kids die.
254
00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:14,901
It's in my apartment across town,
255
00:11:14,902 --> 00:11:16,337
so we need to get there quick.
256
00:11:16,338 --> 00:11:18,037
Quick as a kite?
257
00:11:18,038 --> 00:11:19,767
- Oh, God.
- Weather permitting.
258
00:11:19,768 --> 00:11:21,037
Fine, hit the button.
259
00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:22,161
Is it raining out?
260
00:11:22,162 --> 00:11:24,007
It looked a little
overcast when I came in.
261
00:11:24,008 --> 00:11:25,907
Oh, shut the fuck up. Let's go.
262
00:11:25,908 --> 00:11:27,207
... look at my phone here.
263
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,877
No, I think we're good.
264
00:11:30,778 --> 00:11:33,287
Ugh! My chicken is rubbery.
265
00:11:33,288 --> 00:11:34,957
Mmm, your beef looks good.
266
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:37,187
Uh, fine.
267
00:11:37,188 --> 00:11:39,527
Ah, ah, I might finish that.
268
00:11:39,528 --> 00:11:41,827
Oh, well, then, what are we doing?
269
00:11:41,828 --> 00:11:43,727
Hey, everybody, let's give it up
270
00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:45,997
for Joshua's bar mitzvah, huh?
271
00:11:47,028 --> 00:11:49,097
It was very special for me.
272
00:11:49,098 --> 00:11:51,367
It was when I realized it was my dream
273
00:11:51,368 --> 00:11:52,807
to become a crime lord.
274
00:11:52,808 --> 00:11:54,367
Aw.
275
00:11:54,368 --> 00:11:58,037
So today, I force that dream on to you.
276
00:12:02,378 --> 00:12:03,817
Okay, Joshua...
277
00:12:03,818 --> 00:12:05,987
Get ready for your first caper.
278
00:12:05,988 --> 00:12:08,617
Good luck fighting off the guards,
279
00:12:08,618 --> 00:12:09,681
also known as
280
00:12:09,682 --> 00:12:13,457
Gotham Chucklehut's
finest improvisers...
281
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,697
and stealing that cash-ola,
282
00:12:15,698 --> 00:12:18,027
otherwise known as...
283
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,597
Joshua Bucks?
284
00:12:19,598 --> 00:12:20,627
Oh, no!
285
00:12:20,628 --> 00:12:23,967
Go, Joshua... Oh, my God!
286
00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:27,337
Hey, Joshy, mazel tov.
287
00:12:30,578 --> 00:12:32,177
This is fantastic.
288
00:12:32,178 --> 00:12:33,647
You're probably not laughing
289
00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:36,017
because this is sort
of how you screw up.
290
00:12:37,019 --> 00:12:39,687
You ruined the bar mitzvah.
291
00:12:39,688 --> 00:12:42,357
- And crippled an improv troupe!
- Meh. Well.
292
00:12:42,358 --> 00:12:44,857
And that's our show, folks!
293
00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:49,327
I got this.
294
00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:50,997
Say good night, puddin'.
295
00:12:50,998 --> 00:12:53,967
You think this is gonna...
296
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:56,667
stop me?
297
00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:59,907
She even sounds like you.
298
00:12:59,908 --> 00:13:02,407
Oh, I don't think... Do I sound like...
299
00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:05,137
You never hear your own voice, I guess.
300
00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:10,317
Sometimes, I just fly
301
00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:12,177
to have a quiet place to think.
302
00:13:12,178 --> 00:13:14,817
You know, just really let
my thoughts just run wild.
303
00:13:14,818 --> 00:13:17,368
Thoughts? Plural?
304
00:13:21,996 --> 00:13:23,909
All right, I'll get the antidote.
305
00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:27,073
And you know, just don't,
like, touch anything.
306
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,624
Uh...
307
00:13:33,243 --> 00:13:35,482
All right, let's boogie.
308
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:36,882
Kite Man?
309
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:37,933
Oh, no.
310
00:13:44,053 --> 00:13:46,592
Kite Man. Hell yeah!
311
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:47,792
What are you doing?
312
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:50,232
Getting ready to have sex.
313
00:13:50,233 --> 00:13:51,233
Why?
314
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:55,432
Because after a great
date, you usually have sex.
315
00:13:57,473 --> 00:13:59,402
Sorry, sorry. I was gonna say something,
316
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,672
but I wanted to see
how all this played out.
317
00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:03,372
- Oh, shut up, Frank.
- Ooh!
318
00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:05,523
I'm gonna need you to
put your clothes back on
319
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:06,942
because this was not a date.
320
00:14:06,943 --> 00:14:08,882
Excuse me, if this wasn't a date,
321
00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:10,862
why did you bring me back to your place?
322
00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:11,833
For the antidote!
323
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:13,552
Oh, I thought that was just a line.
324
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,422
- Why would I use a line on you?
- I don't know!
325
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:16,992
I mean why would you even have me come?
326
00:14:16,993 --> 00:14:18,362
I mean, a cab would've been faster.
327
00:14:18,363 --> 00:14:19,935
You know it, I know it, we all know it.
328
00:14:19,936 --> 00:14:21,922
Jesus, get dressed.
329
00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:33,871
Cut the song. No Horah for Harley.
330
00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:36,312
Hey, it's gonna take more
than a souped up parasol
331
00:14:36,313 --> 00:14:37,672
to keep me from kicking your ass,
332
00:14:37,673 --> 00:14:38,912
you fat flightless bird.
333
00:14:38,913 --> 00:14:40,512
The mouth on her.
334
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,412
What better way to
become a man than by...
335
00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:45,206
Ooh, than touching your umbrella? Whoo.
336
00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:49,492
Yes, I've been waiting for this!
337
00:14:49,493 --> 00:14:50,722
Any last words
338
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:55,022
before I kill your dumb
blonde, stupid, smelly...
339
00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:56,562
That's too many adjectives.
340
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,132
... idiot ass?
341
00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:00,132
Hey, Joshua, make sure you aim it
342
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,232
directly at my head,
343
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,472
'cause you don't want to miss
344
00:15:02,473 --> 00:15:04,172
in front of your friends and family.
345
00:15:04,173 --> 00:15:05,672
I won't miss.
346
00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:07,102
I don't know.
347
00:15:07,103 --> 00:15:09,942
That trembly finger's
telling a different story.
348
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,312
It's not trembly.
349
00:15:11,313 --> 00:15:12,942
I just... I've never
shot an umbrella before.
350
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:15,512
I bet there are a lot of
things that you've never done
351
00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:17,082
like drunk a beer.
352
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,658
I drunk a beer, like all the time.
353
00:15:19,659 --> 00:15:21,022
I always drunk beers.
354
00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:23,352
I bet you still believe in Santy Claus.
355
00:15:23,353 --> 00:15:26,822
I don't! I'm Jewish
and today, I'm a man.
356
00:15:26,823 --> 00:15:28,162
Oh, that's right,
357
00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:31,033
I forgot I'm talking
to a newly grown man.
358
00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:34,130
I mean, after all, you've
already fingerbanged somebody.
359
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,472
- Wait, what?
- I mean, you have, haven't you?
360
00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:40,472
You didn't lie about such an
important milestone, right?
361
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:45,872
- Yeah, it happened.
- Are you sure?
362
00:15:45,873 --> 00:15:48,363
I... I don't know.
363
00:15:51,213 --> 00:15:55,707
- So, um, obviously, I misread some signals.
- Mm-hmm.
364
00:15:55,708 --> 00:15:58,441
I hope me taking off my
clothes didn't come across as...
365
00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:00,262
Creepy? It did. It didn't. Did.
366
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:03,592
Right. Yeah, no. I apologize.
367
00:16:03,593 --> 00:16:07,282
It's just, I have never
been alone with a woman
368
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:08,602
of your caliber.
369
00:16:08,603 --> 00:16:11,702
- Oh, you don't have to...
- Your eyes, your smile...
370
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:14,372
Your silky, shimmering...
371
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,672
Oh, God. You know what?
372
00:16:15,673 --> 00:16:18,482
Strong woman... osity? The...
373
00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:22,142
I'm gonna be quiet for a while.
374
00:16:22,143 --> 00:16:25,782
You know, it is kind of cool
375
00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:27,152
seeing the park from the sky.
376
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,552
I mean, when you're not talking,
377
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:32,922
and we're just kinda
soaring majestically,
378
00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:34,222
you're not so bad.
379
00:16:34,223 --> 00:16:35,723
Hell yeah.
380
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,032
Oh, shit.
381
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,302
Something's going on down there.
382
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,702
I... I don't know.
383
00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:48,112
It was at camp, at night.
384
00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:50,172
It was me and her and it was dark.
385
00:16:50,173 --> 00:16:52,112
I definitely did something.
386
00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:54,212
Oh, Joshy.
387
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,852
Do you really think you're
ready to kill someone
388
00:16:56,853 --> 00:17:01,622
if you've never even
finger blasted a girl?
389
00:17:01,623 --> 00:17:03,122
You're right.
390
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,452
I'm not ready.
391
00:17:05,863 --> 00:17:07,722
I told you we should've
gotten him the dollhouse
392
00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:09,062
like he asked, Oswald.
393
00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:10,932
It's not a doll house!
394
00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:12,192
It's an army base
395
00:17:12,193 --> 00:17:14,532
with sound effects of real screams
396
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,532
and it's the only thing I wanted!
397
00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:18,232
You're dead, Quinn.
398
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,542
Hell, yeah!
399
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,172
Hey, did they do cake yet?
400
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,482
Not yet.
401
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,412
I though that was gonna be way cooler.
402
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:30,952
Harley!
403
00:17:30,953 --> 00:17:32,429
You're not a solo act.
404
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:34,552
You're a sidekick, an afterthought.
405
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,956
No one is ever going
to take you seriously.
406
00:17:36,957 --> 00:17:39,362
Admit you're nothing without me
407
00:17:39,363 --> 00:17:41,162
and you walk away alive.
408
00:17:41,163 --> 00:17:42,722
Or you can die.
409
00:17:45,193 --> 00:17:46,662
Well, easy choice.
410
00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:49,332
Uh, lovely bar mitzvah. Mazel, mazel.
411
00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:50,872
- Are you leaving?
- Ha, no.
412
00:17:50,873 --> 00:17:53,502
I ain't admitting shit!
413
00:17:53,503 --> 00:17:54,503
Boys?
414
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,642
- I got Two-Face.
- I got Scarecrow.
415
00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,012
I, um...
416
00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:03,052
Oh, dear God.
417
00:18:03,053 --> 00:18:04,322
Oh, wow.
418
00:18:05,913 --> 00:18:08,152
You're looming.
419
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,062
Um, all right, well, I'll take, um...
420
00:18:11,063 --> 00:18:14,162
If you don't mind, if you
could scooch just a little.
421
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:16,362
Boom! On-site coordinator.
422
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,662
Looking kinda brittle
there. Won't see it comi...
423
00:18:20,263 --> 00:18:22,802
I wanna go home.
424
00:18:31,513 --> 00:18:33,082
Ive, gun!
425
00:18:33,083 --> 00:18:34,942
Got it.
426
00:18:34,943 --> 00:18:36,383
Hey!
427
00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:57,232
Let's get out of here.
428
00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:59,672
No, let's fight. Maybe
Kite Man can help.
429
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:03,572
Bane!
430
00:19:03,573 --> 00:19:05,812
Quit dicking around with Kite Man
431
00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:06,912
and get those two.
432
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,382
But he was attacking me.
433
00:19:08,383 --> 00:19:10,152
With what? A kite?
434
00:19:10,153 --> 00:19:13,682
Just do what I tell you,
you dumb, freakish monster.
435
00:19:13,683 --> 00:19:16,592
Bane, why are you letting
him talk to you like that?
436
00:19:16,593 --> 00:19:18,268
In fact, why do any of you
437
00:19:18,269 --> 00:19:19,692
let him talk to you like that?
438
00:19:19,693 --> 00:19:21,492
He doesn't even have powers!
439
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,662
His only power is bullying
you into doing what he wants.
440
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,432
I should know. He did
it to me for years.
441
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:30,202
Don't listen to her. She's nothing!
442
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,542
She makes a good point.
443
00:19:31,543 --> 00:19:33,872
I don't like how you
called me a monster.
444
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,812
- Yeah, that was pretty harsh.
- Oh, yeah.
445
00:19:35,813 --> 00:19:38,242
Oh, my God! It's just an expression.
446
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,442
Also, let's talk about dinner.
447
00:19:40,443 --> 00:19:42,312
I selected the beef well in advance
448
00:19:42,313 --> 00:19:43,612
and you stole it from me.
449
00:19:43,613 --> 00:19:45,252
You said you didn't even
450
00:19:45,253 --> 00:19:47,622
want to come to this "stupid thing".
451
00:19:47,623 --> 00:19:50,492
My feelings exactly.
452
00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,492
This is a monumental
night for young Joshua.
453
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,092
I'm the Joker, all right?
454
00:19:56,093 --> 00:19:57,802
I was joking, okay?
455
00:19:57,803 --> 00:20:00,902
Oh, my God! I'll kill Harley myself.
456
00:20:00,903 --> 00:20:04,372
Ivy, if you could just,
you know, move over,
457
00:20:04,373 --> 00:20:05,742
so I could just kill your friend.
458
00:20:05,743 --> 00:20:08,342
Absolutely. Over my dead body.
459
00:20:08,343 --> 00:20:11,772
Ugh! Female friendships.
460
00:20:11,773 --> 00:20:14,012
Ha!
461
00:20:23,993 --> 00:20:25,422
Hold on.
462
00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:29,462
I'm getting a cell
call from my contractor.
463
00:20:29,463 --> 00:20:32,202
What? This is the Joker.
Come again. Yeah, whatever.
464
00:20:32,203 --> 00:20:35,302
What do you mean they're not
going to start till 10:00?
465
00:20:35,303 --> 00:20:36,932
Ugh! Can you believe this?
466
00:20:36,933 --> 00:20:38,872
They're calling it a residential zone.
467
00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:40,642
It's an abandoned amusement park
468
00:20:40,643 --> 00:20:42,642
at the end of a rotting pier!
469
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:47,112
I'll, uh... Yeah, coming over right now.
470
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,382
Let's put a pin in this.
471
00:20:48,383 --> 00:20:49,812
You understand.
472
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,682
- So, are we good to leave now?
- Yeah.
473
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,422
I can't believe you talked
me into coming to this.
474
00:20:53,423 --> 00:20:55,322
Don't forget your party favors.
475
00:20:55,323 --> 00:20:58,422
Thank you, Mrs. Cobblepot.
476
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,992
Aw, such sweet girls.
477
00:21:01,993 --> 00:21:03,732
So, do you realize now
478
00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:05,232
that you don't have to prove to anyone
479
00:21:05,233 --> 00:21:06,502
how awesome you are?
480
00:21:06,503 --> 00:21:07,932
Yes, except for the Legion of Doom.
481
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:10,372
I need to get into the Legion of Doom.
482
00:21:10,373 --> 00:21:11,772
What? After all of this,
483
00:21:11,773 --> 00:21:13,642
why would you wanna
be a part of that club?
484
00:21:13,643 --> 00:21:15,342
Those guys are such dicks.
485
00:21:15,343 --> 00:21:16,842
No, not all of 'em.
486
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,442
When we were leaving,
Bane said, "You go, girl!"
487
00:21:19,443 --> 00:21:22,188
No, he distinctly said, "Ooh, Go-GURT.
488
00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:24,552
Ooh, what, they had Go-GURT? Oh, man.
489
00:21:24,553 --> 00:21:26,752
Ivy, listen. Anyone who
is a respected supervillain
490
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:28,222
is in the Legion of Doom.
491
00:21:28,223 --> 00:21:29,392
That's when you know you've made it.
492
00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:31,492
If Joker can get in, so can I!
493
00:21:31,493 --> 00:21:33,192
So that is what I'm gonna do.
494
00:21:33,193 --> 00:21:34,762
What you need to do
495
00:21:34,763 --> 00:21:37,162
is get these 13-year-old
boys out of this apartment.
496
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:38,532
They're starting to take root.
497
00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:41,402
Ah! Okay, boys.
498
00:21:41,403 --> 00:21:42,602
So, I got the antidote
499
00:21:42,603 --> 00:21:44,602
to turn you back into humans, okay?
500
00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:46,442
But the only effective way of doing it
501
00:21:46,443 --> 00:21:50,242
is when my saliva interacts...
502
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:51,612
with your saliva.
503
00:21:51,613 --> 00:21:54,042
So, is this a kiss?
504
00:21:54,043 --> 00:21:55,712
No, it's not a kiss.
505
00:21:55,713 --> 00:21:59,082
It is an antidote delivery system
506
00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:00,252
and nothing more.
507
00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:01,808
You will still be sexless nerds
508
00:22:01,809 --> 00:22:04,322
by the time the night is over, okay?
509
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,722
And...
510
00:22:07,723 --> 00:22:10,032
Yuck.
511
00:22:10,033 --> 00:22:13,783
This is procedural, okay?
512
00:22:16,933 --> 00:22:18,402
Yeah, I kissed you already, buddy.
513
00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:20,402
Yeah, I'm still a little bit tree.
514
00:22:20,403 --> 00:22:23,442
- Yeah, fuck off, get out of here.
- Yeah, fuck off, kid.
36496
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof