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(♪ COLE PORTER:
"Let's Misbehave")
2
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♪ We're all alone,
No chaperone can get our number
3
00:01:45,315 --> 00:01:47,315
♪ The world's in slumber
4
00:01:47,442 --> 00:01:49,822
♪ Let's misbehave!
5
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:52,284
♪ There's something wild
About you, child
6
00:01:52,405 --> 00:01:54,615
♪ That's so contagious
7
00:01:54,741 --> 00:01:57,041
♪ Let's be outrageous
8
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♪ Let's misbehave!
9
00:01:59,621 --> 00:02:04,211
♪ When Adam won Eve's hand,
He wouldn't stand for teasin'
10
00:02:04,334 --> 00:02:08,884
♪ He didn't care about those apples
Out of season
11
00:02:09,005 --> 00:02:13,675
♪ They say that Spring means
Just one thing to little lovebirds
12
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,851
♪ We're not above birds
13
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,930
♪ Let's misbehave...
14
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♪ Let's misbehave
15
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:56,466
♪ Let's misbehave
16
00:02:56,594 --> 00:03:01,184
♪ If you'd be just so sweet
And only meet your fate, dear
17
00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:06,227
♪ It would be the great event
Of 1928, dear
18
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,698
♪ Let's misbehave
19
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,263
♪ Let's misbehave ♪
20
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:53,898
Well...
21
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,278
...a most excellent feast!
22
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,985
- Hear, hear!
- (Man) Very good!
23
00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:03,912
Soon we will retire
to the royal bedchamber.
24
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:08,326
But first, as I have been victorious
this week in battle...
25
00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:09,878
(Applause)
26
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:13,091
...I wish to be amused.
Bring me my fool.
27
00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:15,212
(♪ Trumpet fanfare)
28
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:26,144
Good evening, Your Majesty.
It's great to be back at the palace.
29
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:30,187
You know what the palace is,
24 living rooms and a dungeon.
30
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,403
(Indifferent silence)
31
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:37,946
But seriously, I love the king. He's one
of the strongest men here, isn't he?
32
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:41,660
He's the only one amongst us
that can swim the moat lengthwise.
33
00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:43,163
Cos...
34
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,164
(No reaction)
35
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,706
I know you're out there,
I can hear you breathing!
36
00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,710
But seriously, ladies and germs,
I wanna say that, er...
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00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:52,843
that plague is really something.
38
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,510
Doesn't everything look black?
39
00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:59,512
Cos it's a... a black...
a black plague!
40
00:04:59,634 --> 00:05:01,974
Save it up and let me hear it
at the end, big.
41
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:06,144
And I love the new exercise
His Majesty does to keep in shape.
42
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,305
It's called taxing the peasants.
43
00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:15,268
But seriously,
the... the best... thing...
44
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:19,649
I can't stand it any longer!
He's not funny!
45
00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:23,199
I've cut men in half
for making jokes as bad as that!
46
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:26,334
- But, sire...
- Get me a fool who's funny!
47
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:29,122
Go on! The feast is over.
48
00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:31,247
Not funny!
49
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:34,214
Come on! Out, out, out, out!
50
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,625
I do a couple of impressions
that you might like.
51
00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,424
I'm one of the few guys
that can do the King of France.
52
00:05:39,549 --> 00:05:41,299
Not his voice, his walk.
53
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:45,755
If you've ever noticed, he'll have
that funny motion when he walks.
54
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:50,730
Don't everybody burst into
spontaneous applause on this...
55
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:13,583
- Look where thou goest, fool!
- Forgive me, I beg your puberty.
56
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:16,878
Thou hast dropped
the royal rubies and emeralds!
57
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:20,173
I fain wouldst pick it up
and pin it and fain well on thy fain.
58
00:06:20,298 --> 00:06:22,588
- Aye, pin!
- Yes, extend thy fain, madam.
59
00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:26,297
- And on the knocker it hangs. Perfect.
- Knock!
60
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,259
Didst I feel aright?
61
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:32,639
Or didst I feel that thy two hands
did upon my royal body cop a feel?
62
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:36,938
Oh, madam, not I. I surely would never
lay my hands on the royal tomatoes.
63
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,444
Tomatoes?
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00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:41,646
Hearken to me, if my husband the king
and my son the doctor
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00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:46,027
walketh near upon these paved paths
and heareth what thou sayest,
66
00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:48,277
thy life would not be worth
a plug nickel!
67
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:51,079
But so beautiful do they lay
one on either side.
68
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:54,043
That's the way they were made, fool.
Away with thee!
69
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,421
I fell on my bells!
70
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:07,798
TB or not TB?
71
00:07:08,888 --> 00:07:11,718
That is the congestion.
72
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:14,389
Consumption be done about it?
73
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:16,518
Of cough. Of cough.
74
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,613
Oh, Jesus!
75
00:07:19,732 --> 00:07:21,982
My jokes grow stale.
76
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,609
I would my life take for a bare bodkin.
77
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:28,196
If only I could see
the queen's bare bodkin.
78
00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:31,656
Or anybody's bare bodkin,
for that matter.
79
00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:34,536
Or a bodkin with a little clothes on it even.
80
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,212
I'm so melancholy.
81
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:39,883
Guildenstern and Rosencrantz
are dead!
82
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:42,092
Their tailor shop is closed.
83
00:07:42,213 --> 00:07:44,263
(Echoing male voice) Felix!
84
00:07:44,382 --> 00:07:48,012
- Who calls my name?
- Felix!
85
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,965
No one knows I'm here.
Not even my service.
86
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:56,559
I am the ghost of thy father.
87
00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,766
My father...
88
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,766
You who died in childbirth.
89
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:04,489
(Ghost) I cannot rest
90
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:08,860
unless thee makes it
with the queen.
91
00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:12,990
But she is a queen
and I am a base-born fool.
92
00:08:13,119 --> 00:08:15,499
I can't screw above my station.
93
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,961
You must know, my son,
94
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:23,173
that thy uncle, my father,
95
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:26,045
poured hemlock in my ear.
96
00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:29,013
Why?
97
00:08:29,135 --> 00:08:34,765
Don't ask me why.
He does that with everybody.
98
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:37,520
Whenever he sees an ear,
99
00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:42,274
he likes to pour hemlock in it.
100
00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:45,148
Oh, Father!
101
00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:48,896
See the sorcerer, my son.
102
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:51,160
The sorcerer!
103
00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:55,239
The sorcerer...
104
00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:58,327
He's gone.
105
00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,616
Do I dare sleep with the queen?
106
00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,790
And will she sleep with me?
107
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:06,548
Although she sleeps with the king,
and he wears leotards.
108
00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,512
The sorcerer...
109
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:12,177
Ah, an aphrodisiac!
110
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:18,556
Do you want a soft one?
111
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:23,314
A strong one?
Or one that will... hmm...?
112
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:27,278
I'd like anything I can get
without a prescription.
113
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,781
Ha-ha-ha!
114
00:09:29,904 --> 00:09:35,744
This, placed softly
in the queen's drink,
115
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:38,368
will make her blood boil.
116
00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:44,036
Her passion, unbridled, lustful.
117
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:47,088
- In other words...
- The hots for me.
118
00:09:47,213 --> 00:09:48,883
(Chuckles)
119
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,006
Exactly.
120
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,093
But be cautious.
121
00:09:53,219 --> 00:09:57,429
For if His Majesty should
get wind of thy intent,
122
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,426
he will cut off your legs,
123
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:04,559
your arms and your head.
124
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:08,404
Right... Five out of six is not bad.
125
00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:10,526
Now go.
126
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:11,993
Yes, sir.
127
00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:14,323
I think your eggs are done.
128
00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:25,325
- Halt! Who goes there?
- It's just the fool.
129
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,749
What business have you
in the royal chamber?
130
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,548
I was just bringing Her Majesty
her orange juice.
131
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:33,093
But why you?
Where is her usual servant?
132
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:36,137
He lies ill on the kitchen floor
with the pox.
133
00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:38,222
A terrible pox all over his socks.
134
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:43,097
- Get thee hence, fool.
- Yes, I'm getting hence. Immediately.
135
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:45,647
D'you like the way I fooled these guys?
136
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,952
Fool, what dost thou in my chamber?
137
00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:06,879
Madam, I fell by for perchance you might
like a drink, a nice, soothing potion.
138
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:09,591
Aye, well, I do confess a thirst.
Bringst to me.
139
00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:13,592
Yes. Wouldst grab some of this potion
before the fizz goes out.
140
00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:16,466
- Isn't it wonderful?
- It bubbleth greatly.
141
00:11:16,594 --> 00:11:18,644
Wolf some down, my lady.
142
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,182
Cheerst!
143
00:11:20,306 --> 00:11:21,926
And Roebuck.
144
00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:30,649
It go down bubblest, but it's fine.
145
00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,154
Takest away.
146
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:40,243
Well, I have to go back now
to the dungeon,
147
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,787
to get a deposit on the goblet.
148
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:46,748
Wait! Fool, come here.
149
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:52,964
I have o'er me this extraordinary warmth
that is flowing through my veins,
150
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:58,388
that makes me wisht - nay, longst -
thou should run amok over my entire body.
151
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:01,010
Make love to me now.
Ravage me and take me now. Take me.
152
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:04,808
- It'll be my pleasure.
- Take me to the bed. Make love to me.
153
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:08,024
- Yes. To the... To the bed.
- Lead me there, fool.
154
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,685
- Yes, I am.
- For this passion groweth within me.
155
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,694
- Right. Come quickly.
- I cannot walk fast, fool.
156
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,487
- The passion is so great.
- Right. To the bed.
157
00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:18,452
Aye. Haste to the bed.
158
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,622
Right, over here.
159
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,411
Here.
160
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,624
The potion will be under the pillow.
161
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,075
In case you lose your hots,
we can refurbish them.
162
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:29,286
- Aye. Comest o'er!
- Oh, yes.
163
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,956
- Run thy hands upon my body.
- I shall. I shall reline your brakes.
164
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:35,257
Aye. Mmm! Oh, God!
165
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:38,966
Nay, I needst the feel
of naked flesh against flesh.
166
00:12:39,093 --> 00:12:42,223
I'm all out of naked flesh.
But will the velvet do?
167
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,560
- Kiss me quick.
- Yes. Where is your quick?
168
00:12:45,683 --> 00:12:48,983
- Shh. Canst undress me now?
- I'm kissing my own arm!
169
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:53,823
Yes. Up quickly
and I will remove the royal dress.
170
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,149
Oh, God... Mmm! Oh, God!
171
00:12:58,279 --> 00:13:01,199
Takest off. Pullst not upon me so!
172
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:06,450
On thy feet, fool. This is not mockery.
This is not games.
173
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,658
Ah! Oh, God...
174
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:15,497
At la...! What... What's this?
Heavy underwear.
175
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:19,339
'Tis the chastity belt that
the jealous king hath fastened on me
176
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,296
that no man but him shallst
havest the goodst of the body.
177
00:13:23,429 --> 00:13:25,889
That's a bad break for all of us
here at the palace.
178
00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:28,015
Yes... Yes...
Wait! Wait here.
179
00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:29,812
I will go.
180
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:35,941
Here, now, with most grievous dispatch,
I will open the latch
181
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,276
and get to her snatch.
182
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,363
- Quickly.
- Good, aye.
183
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,528
All right, hold that.
184
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,697
This key is too big for that lock.
185
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,036
(Keys clanging)
186
00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:53,245
J-J-Just move back.
187
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:55,626
(Metallic clash)
188
00:13:55,753 --> 00:13:57,803
Sorry about that.
189
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,931
I must think of something quickly.
190
00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:07,312
Before you know it, the Renaissance
will be here and we'll all be painting.
191
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,483
Her Majesty wishes to borrow this.
192
00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:18,404
She has some food stuck between
her teeth and I need to pull it out.
193
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,395
- Forgive me...
- (Screams)
194
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,107
Whoops!
195
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:32,788
No!
196
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:35,665
This is what they call beaver shooting.
197
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:43,428
I wouldst pick this lock.
198
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,560
- There.
- We did it. It's done.
199
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,064
And now I am yours.
200
00:14:54,186 --> 00:14:57,856
At last, the portals of ecstasy.
You have got portals of ecstasy?
201
00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:01,991
Be prepared! His Majesty has this day
been awakened by a loud banging!
202
00:15:02,111 --> 00:15:05,821
Be prepared! His Majesty has this day
been awakened by a loud banging!
203
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:09,198
- He will cleave thee in twain.
- Yes. Cleave me in twain.
204
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:12,196
Twain over here and the other twain
on the other side of the room.
205
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:14,369
Aye, onst chopping block.
206
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:16,578
Yes. I do not look good in twain.
207
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:20,998
- My suits are made for a whole person.
- I shall not have this passion fulfilled.
208
00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:26,510
Well, quickly, lock up the... the thing
that you have there. Lock the royal box!
209
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:28,465
Quickly! Quickly! Before...
210
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,055
- Help me. Help me.
- I'mst helping, but...
211
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,232
Aye, 'tis done.
212
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,941
'Tis locked solid.
More solid than any...
213
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:39,902
My hand!
'Tis caught in the chastity belt.
214
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,733
I always get my hand
in the cookie jar, so to speak.
215
00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:44,950
The king approaches.
What canst we do?
216
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:46,410
- The king?
- Aye!
217
00:15:48,866 --> 00:15:51,986
Quickly!
Into the dress immediately.
218
00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:56,165
(King) My queen!
Where is my queen?
219
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,880
Very casual.
As though nothing had happened.
220
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,541
Queen!
221
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:04,839
Oh, my queen, a most dreadful
pounding did awaken me.
222
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,425
Making my mood most foul!
223
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:09,891
Oh, my lord didst startle me.
224
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:14,142
Aye, my lord. Be a good king, wouldst
thou, and get me a drink of water?
225
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:18,096
The fool hath made the most
jestfully quipping in thine absence.
226
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:21,358
Aye, my lord! Tickling
the royal funny bone, so to speak.
227
00:16:21,482 --> 00:16:24,572
Because, you see, 'tis most lonely
when thou nappest.
228
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,573
Aye, my lord. For me, too.
229
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:31,195
I still don't think he's funny.
230
00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:33,535
I got some new ones for you,
my lord.
231
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,870
What's black and white, black and white,
black and white and black and white?
232
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:40,208
A nun falling down the stairs.
233
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:44,254
- (Queen chortles)
- (King) Come, give me a kiss.
234
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,799
- Of course. Stick out your tongue.
- Not you!
235
00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:49,014
Now begone!
236
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,604
- That damn fool!
- No!
237
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,220
I... I will accompany thee to the door.
238
00:16:56,475 --> 00:16:58,305
At last.
239
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,805
At last, we are alone.
240
00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:03,318
- Aye, my lord.
- Come to me.
241
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,440
My lord, I wouldst...
242
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,607
- Nay! Kiss me not!
- To the bed!
243
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:11,534
I will soon find that key.
Where is't?
244
00:17:11,657 --> 00:17:14,737
Ah! Here it is!
245
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,103
Tickles!
246
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,485
Aye, my lord.
247
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:53,120
Remember you said that if I was ever
in town I should look up your wife?
248
00:17:56,785 --> 00:18:01,495
I don't know what everybody's getting
so upset for. I never humped her.
249
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:07,169
Just clean up my neck a little
and leave the top full.
250
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,621
Your case.
251
00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:56,006
So...
252
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,846
Give me a good "ah".
253
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,886
...down this side of my arm,
mostly at night.
254
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:06,017
I don't notice it as much in the daytime,
but at night it bothers me.
255
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,856
I don't want to hurt you,
but how far up can you raise it?
256
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,612
Mr Milos, would you
come with me, please?
257
00:19:17,366 --> 00:19:20,616
Come in, Mr Milos. Come in.
Sit down right over here.
258
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:23,964
I just want to get
some history on you first.
259
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,455
So...
260
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:30,464
- Your name is...?
- Stavros Milos.
261
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,587
- And your address?
- Armenia.
262
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,720
- Armenia?
- I am from Armenia.
263
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,302
- I am visiting my brother.
- I see.
264
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:41,808
- Erm... Occupation?
- Shepherd.
265
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:44,602
- A shepherd?
- My whole family.
266
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:48,356
Except for my brother over here,
who is a rug salesman.
267
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,530
- Have you had any major illnesses?
- No.
268
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:53,150
None. Good.
269
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:58,617
So...
Now, what seems to be the trouble?
270
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:02,290
- I'm in love with a sheep.
- I beg your pardon?
271
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:06,035
I am in love with a sheep.
272
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,112
Oh... I see.
273
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:35,401
You see, doctor, up there in
the mountains where I tend my flocks,
274
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,947
it's so beautiful
under the starry skies.
275
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:41,281
And I am alone.
And sometimes it gets so lonely.
276
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:45,618
And the hours pass.
And soon I desire a woman.
277
00:20:45,746 --> 00:20:47,786
But, doctor, there are no women.
278
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,624
I am not married and...
279
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:54,129
Well... one night last summer,
280
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:56,594
I could stand it no longer.
281
00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:59,795
My body needed to be satisfied.
282
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:04,006
- And then... I saw her.
- Her?
283
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,599
- Daisy.
- Sheep?
284
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:10,055
I took Daisy off to a little cove,
285
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:13,817
and there, under the Armenian sky,
had sexual intercourse.
286
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:21,074
- With the sheep?
- Naturally.
287
00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:28,075
Oh... God.
288
00:21:28,205 --> 00:21:31,745
It was the greatest lay I ever had.
289
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:35,213
Mr Milos...
290
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:40,337
Forgive me if I...
seemed at all shocked. I'm sorry.
291
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:43,757
Doctor, Mrs Gallbladder's
on the phone about her rupture.
292
00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:45,967
Later. Later...
293
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:48,887
Er...Mr Milos...
294
00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:53,062
Of course, I'm happy for the two of you.
295
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:56,898
But, erm... I do have other patients.
296
00:21:57,025 --> 00:22:03,025
And unless there's some specific way
that I could help you...
297
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,906
Doctor. Doctor, please.
One minute.
298
00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:11,253
See, the point is
she no longer loves me.
299
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:16,500
That's why I'm here.
Because she's fallen out of love with me.
300
00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:21,295
- How can you tell that?
- Oh, little things.
301
00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:24,054
She's cold. Indifferent.
302
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:27,891
Speak to her. She'll listen to you.
303
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,524
Mr Milos...
304
00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:31,181
You are...
305
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:35,897
- ...crazy.
- I brought her all the way from Armenia.
306
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:39,322
My brother says you are a great doctor.
You saved his life once.
307
00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:43,072
You need a psychiatrist.
I am a medical doctor.
308
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,816
Speak to her. Please?
309
00:22:45,949 --> 00:22:50,449
- I can't talk to a sheep. Are you nuts?
- She's outside in my brother's truck.
310
00:22:50,579 --> 00:22:53,039
Would you get out of my office,
please?
311
00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:55,504
I'm an MD. I'm not a veterinarian!
312
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:58,455
- I bring her in.
- Don't bring any sheep in this office!
313
00:22:58,587 --> 00:23:03,127
- My mother just got finished paying for it!
- I know no great men of wisdom.
314
00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:07,718
- My brother says you are a great man.
- I'm not! I'm just an ordinary GP.
315
00:23:07,846 --> 00:23:09,346
- That's all I am!
- I'll get her.
316
00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:11,812
No! Mr Milos! You don't understand.
317
00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:17,023
It's not normal to experience
mature love for anything with four legs!
318
00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:18,977
Wait till you meet her.
319
00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:21,147
I don't believe this.
320
00:23:31,703 --> 00:23:35,043
- Doctor, the prescription you gave me...
- I can't.
321
00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:39,495
I'm sorry. I can't. Would you sit down?
Would you sit down, Mrs...?
322
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,588
(Bleating)
323
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,470
Doctor Ross, this is Daisy.
324
00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:48,353
Oh... Good.
325
00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:52,680
Erm... Why don't you take her
right into my office?
326
00:23:53,934 --> 00:23:56,604
You'll have to excuse me.
His sheep has...
327
00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:58,728
...a strep throat.
328
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:06,400
Mr Milos,
I'm gonna have to call the police.
329
00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:10,579
Can we talk for a minute? Mr Milos,
don't put that sheep on my desk! Please!
330
00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:13,120
You shouldn't do that.
You shouldn't do that.
331
00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:16,754
- Isn't Daisy beautiful?
- Yes, she is beautiful.
332
00:24:16,873 --> 00:24:18,673
Mr Milos...
333
00:24:18,792 --> 00:24:22,302
You're a very nice man. I don't want
to see you get into any trouble.
334
00:24:22,420 --> 00:24:25,220
What I don't think you understand
is that...
335
00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:30,931
...you have a psychiatric problem.
336
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,394
You really need to see...
337
00:24:34,683 --> 00:24:38,063
someone in the...
in the... psychiatry field.
338
00:24:38,186 --> 00:24:41,856
I'm a medical doctor. Erm...
339
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,490
(Bleats)
340
00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:56,327
I know you didn't... mean any harm...
bringing this sheep in here, but...
341
00:24:56,454 --> 00:24:58,164
(Bleats)
342
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,920
...I have patients, you know.
343
00:25:01,042 --> 00:25:02,922
Kidney problems and...
344
00:25:04,921 --> 00:25:06,801
...heart problems and...
345
00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:09,513
Seeing a sheep just like that, it's...
346
00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:16,854
- Hello, Daisy.
- (Bleats)
347
00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:20,225
She's so... wonderful.
348
00:25:21,438 --> 00:25:24,768
I'm... I'm Dr Ross.
349
00:25:26,609 --> 00:25:28,609
Doug Ross.
350
00:25:33,616 --> 00:25:35,076
She's...
351
00:25:42,250 --> 00:25:43,590
Erm...
352
00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:47,087
Mr Milos, I, er...
353
00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:55,563
I'd like to see the two of you again,
but right now my office is jammed full.
354
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,970
Oh, I knew you could help!
355
00:25:58,099 --> 00:25:59,889
Thank you, doctor.
356
00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:02,098
As a matter of fact,
357
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,688
if I could see Daisy alone,
358
00:26:04,814 --> 00:26:07,074
maybe, you know, I...
359
00:26:07,192 --> 00:26:09,402
Anything. Anything!
360
00:26:17,786 --> 00:26:21,036
- Darling, what's the matter?
- Nothing.
361
00:26:21,164 --> 00:26:24,214
I'm just a little tired, that's all.
362
00:26:24,334 --> 00:26:27,054
Why don't you turn in early, then?
363
00:26:36,888 --> 00:26:39,468
What are you doing?
364
00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:41,309
Oh, just nothing.
365
00:26:41,434 --> 00:26:44,314
No, you were fondling
your lambswool sweater.
366
00:26:47,148 --> 00:26:50,688
I was not fondling
my lambswool sweater!
367
00:26:50,819 --> 00:26:53,029
What would I do something
like that for?
368
00:26:53,863 --> 00:26:55,283
Well, God knows!
369
00:27:02,038 --> 00:27:06,208
Doctor,
Mr Milos brought in his sheep.
370
00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:08,344
She's here?
371
00:27:13,341 --> 00:27:15,011
All right, show her in.
372
00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:37,985
Thank you.
You can... you can go.
373
00:27:50,128 --> 00:27:51,498
Hi...
374
00:27:53,006 --> 00:27:54,416
...darling.
375
00:27:55,842 --> 00:27:59,392
I know this must all seem
very strange to you.
376
00:28:00,889 --> 00:28:04,309
You from the hills of Armenia
and me from Jackson Heights.
377
00:28:04,434 --> 00:28:07,944
And yet...
I think it could work.
378
00:28:09,063 --> 00:28:11,323
If we gave it a chance.
379
00:28:19,991 --> 00:28:21,451
A room, please.
380
00:28:27,999 --> 00:28:30,039
Thank you very much.
381
00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:31,838
Wait a second.
382
00:28:33,296 --> 00:28:34,546
There you are.
383
00:28:37,383 --> 00:28:40,893
Do you want the "Do not disturb" sign
on the door?
384
00:28:41,012 --> 00:28:43,972
Oh... That's all right.
385
00:28:44,098 --> 00:28:47,728
Ah, all right, yes.
Thank you very much.
386
00:28:53,524 --> 00:28:57,864
Room service,
this is Dr Ross in room 525.
387
00:28:57,987 --> 00:29:01,817
I would like to have
some chilled white Burgundy,
388
00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:04,910
a little caviar and some grass.
389
00:29:06,162 --> 00:29:09,422
Oh, just plain, green grass.
390
00:29:11,876 --> 00:29:13,876
That's 525.
391
00:29:14,003 --> 00:29:15,423
Thank you.
392
00:29:20,343 --> 00:29:21,723
Daisy...
393
00:29:22,971 --> 00:29:24,511
Little Daisy.
394
00:29:26,557 --> 00:29:28,767
- Let's be gentle.
- (Bleats)
395
00:29:35,149 --> 00:29:36,569
I'm, er...
396
00:29:36,693 --> 00:29:38,573
I can't...
397
00:29:38,695 --> 00:29:40,945
I'm exhausted. Just...
398
00:29:51,749 --> 00:29:55,499
Boy!
That was really something.
399
00:29:57,672 --> 00:30:00,172
I never thought it could be like this.
400
00:30:01,259 --> 00:30:03,389
Never in my wildest imagination.
401
00:30:03,511 --> 00:30:05,141
(Bleats)
402
00:30:06,472 --> 00:30:08,732
You're really something special.
403
00:30:09,684 --> 00:30:11,854
I love our L-shaped room.
404
00:30:13,396 --> 00:30:16,356
I'll never forget
these afternoons we've had.
405
00:30:18,860 --> 00:30:23,160
I don't think I've ever known
such peace and happiness in my life.
406
00:30:24,449 --> 00:30:27,239
- I hope you feel the same way.
- (Bleats)
407
00:30:42,008 --> 00:30:45,178
Sorry. I'm sorry, honey.
I was out when you phoned.
408
00:30:45,303 --> 00:30:47,223
Emergency house call.
409
00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:49,677
Hmm, you smell good.
410
00:30:50,767 --> 00:30:52,557
- Darling?
- Hmm?
411
00:30:52,685 --> 00:30:56,725
Is it my imagination, or do you
always smell from lamb chops?
412
00:30:57,732 --> 00:31:02,532
Lamb chops? What kind of silly thing
is that to say about lamb chops?
413
00:31:02,653 --> 00:31:06,123
How could I possibly smell
of lamb chops? That's not logical.
414
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,160
What... kind of cheap suit is this?
415
00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:11,445
That's it with these suits.
416
00:31:23,383 --> 00:31:24,763
(Door opens)
417
00:31:26,010 --> 00:31:29,560
Ann! Wait a minute, I can explain!
We're just friends.
418
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:31,350
How could you?
419
00:31:31,474 --> 00:31:34,444
This is Mrs Bencourse,
one of my patients.
420
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,480
She thinks she's a sheep!
421
00:31:36,604 --> 00:31:40,324
That's all! There's nothing to it!
422
00:31:40,441 --> 00:31:45,611
...defendant did commit
an adulterous act with a sheep.
423
00:31:45,738 --> 00:31:49,738
It's most distasteful in view of the fact
that the sheep was under 18 years old.
424
00:31:49,867 --> 00:31:51,447
So what?
425
00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:55,747
So Ann's left me. So she's taken
all my money, all my savings.
426
00:31:55,873 --> 00:31:57,923
My licence has been revoked.
427
00:31:59,127 --> 00:32:01,167
But I don't care.
428
00:32:01,295 --> 00:32:04,965
If you're willing,
we'll get by somehow.
429
00:32:05,091 --> 00:32:07,221
I'll get a job. I don't know...
430
00:32:15,059 --> 00:32:17,099
We've been here for an hour.
431
00:32:20,356 --> 00:32:22,396
That's what I ordered.
432
00:32:22,525 --> 00:32:25,895
Waiter, I ordered two sauerkraut.
I didn't order cake!
433
00:32:28,865 --> 00:32:31,485
- Waiter!
- Don't call me waiter!
434
00:32:31,617 --> 00:32:34,497
I'm a doctor! You understand that?
I'm not a waiter!
435
00:32:34,620 --> 00:32:37,670
I am a doctor! Don't call me waiter!
I'm a doctor!
436
00:32:39,750 --> 00:32:41,500
Ah. Say "ah".
437
00:32:43,379 --> 00:32:46,379
Come here! Spread your legs apart!
438
00:32:46,507 --> 00:32:49,427
Couldn't you at least
not have eaten this morning?
439
00:32:49,552 --> 00:32:52,312
Isn't that...?
What kind of a mess is that in there?
440
00:32:57,059 --> 00:32:58,389
Daisy?
441
00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:03,151
Daisy?
442
00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:05,190
Honey?
443
00:33:09,030 --> 00:33:11,780
'''I have finally saved up
enough money
444
00:33:11,908 --> 00:33:15,788
'''to come back to America
and take my Daisy home.
445
00:33:15,912 --> 00:33:22,252
'''You did a terrible thing to me, but now
I've taken Daisy to the mountains again,
446
00:33:22,376 --> 00:33:24,956
'''where you will never find her.
447
00:33:26,380 --> 00:33:28,590
""Stavros Milos.""
448
00:33:30,051 --> 00:33:31,551
(Sobbing)
449
00:33:58,412 --> 00:34:01,422
(♪ Jazz music plays over dialogue)
450
00:34:11,676 --> 00:34:13,676
(Clamour of conversation)
451
00:34:50,214 --> 00:34:53,934
(Speaks Italian) I have waited
so long for this moment.
452
00:34:55,469 --> 00:34:58,309
(Speaks Italian)
Oh, Fabrizio, my darling,
453
00:34:58,431 --> 00:35:00,811
go easy on my hymen.
454
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:03,563
Gina, your body to me
is a cathedral.
455
00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:07,271
Now take off your pants.
456
00:35:11,611 --> 00:35:13,611
Didn't you like it?
457
00:35:15,197 --> 00:35:16,487
Yes.
458
00:35:17,950 --> 00:35:20,580
It didn't look like you were
having fun to me.
459
00:35:23,247 --> 00:35:25,667
Yes. You were wonderful.
460
00:35:28,044 --> 00:35:32,304
But you just lay there,
passive like a lox.
461
00:35:33,841 --> 00:35:37,431
It was my first time.
Did you like it?
462
00:35:38,512 --> 00:35:42,392
Me? Are you kidding?
More fun than laughing.
463
00:35:46,437 --> 00:35:49,937
Maybe next time,
I'll be more relaxed.
464
00:35:52,526 --> 00:35:53,986
Yes...
465
00:35:57,531 --> 00:36:00,411
(Man) Brava! Bravissima!
466
00:36:00,534 --> 00:36:04,084
(Fabrizio) Marcello, do you know
anything about frigidity?
467
00:36:06,248 --> 00:36:10,418
It's all in the foreplay. A woman needs
to be played with before you lay her.
468
00:36:10,544 --> 00:36:12,304
How long?
469
00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:14,881
Fifteen minutes, half hour...
depends on the woman.
470
00:36:15,007 --> 00:36:16,797
What about your wife?
471
00:36:16,926 --> 00:36:18,546
Thirty seconds.
472
00:36:19,387 --> 00:36:21,427
Lucky!
473
00:36:22,431 --> 00:36:24,981
Don't tell me Gina's a problem.
474
00:36:25,101 --> 00:36:27,311
No... it's not that.
475
00:36:28,187 --> 00:36:32,397
Do you fondle her
before putting it in?
476
00:36:32,525 --> 00:36:35,735
Put what in? Oh, no!
477
00:36:35,861 --> 00:36:39,951
I don't like to talk about Gina
like she's a whore.
478
00:36:40,074 --> 00:36:42,704
How long have you been married now?
479
00:36:42,827 --> 00:36:44,697
Six weeks.
480
00:36:45,579 --> 00:36:49,709
Play with her. Fondle her.
481
00:36:49,834 --> 00:36:54,674
It's always the man's fault.
Any woman can be made to feel ecstasy.
482
00:36:55,798 --> 00:36:59,218
Marcello, last week,
in the middle of... of...
483
00:36:59,343 --> 00:37:02,353
She was watching television.
484
00:37:02,471 --> 00:37:05,061
You must be doing something wrong.
485
00:37:06,016 --> 00:37:10,146
Some women take longer.
486
00:37:11,522 --> 00:37:15,072
Find her erogenous zones.
487
00:37:15,192 --> 00:37:21,452
Her father gave me
a map of them, and still...
488
00:37:29,623 --> 00:37:31,293
Okay, turn over.
489
00:37:31,417 --> 00:37:37,207
Over. I want to do a quick check
on some parts I missed.
490
00:37:42,136 --> 00:37:43,386
Foreplay...
491
00:37:44,847 --> 00:37:47,267
Foreplay...
492
00:37:48,476 --> 00:37:53,146
Foreplay, foreplay. Oh...
493
00:37:54,774 --> 00:37:56,784
(Wearily) Foreplay...
494
00:37:58,194 --> 00:38:00,114
Foreplay...
495
00:38:02,156 --> 00:38:03,816
Foreplay...
496
00:38:04,784 --> 00:38:06,414
(Snoring)
497
00:38:09,705 --> 00:38:13,625
Fabrizio, there is nothing
the church can do for you.
498
00:38:13,751 --> 00:38:18,171
If I could, I would be glad to try
and make your wife come,
499
00:38:18,297 --> 00:38:19,757
but that is impossible.
500
00:38:19,882 --> 00:38:22,342
At least you get pleasure from her.
501
00:38:22,468 --> 00:38:25,598
Maybe someday,
she will get it from you.
502
00:38:59,839 --> 00:39:05,469
(Man) And here will be my new offices.
A hundred people will work under me.
503
00:39:05,594 --> 00:39:08,064
Yes, yes.
504
00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:12,850
But tell me about your sex life...
your wife.
505
00:39:15,104 --> 00:39:20,444
She moans and screams
and claws my back.
506
00:39:21,318 --> 00:39:23,988
Six, seven times,
507
00:39:24,113 --> 00:39:27,743
she heaves to my one,
like a wolf in heat.
508
00:39:27,867 --> 00:39:33,037
Mine lays there and stares
at the ceiling. Like a dead one.
509
00:39:33,163 --> 00:39:36,253
Are you... small?
510
00:39:37,585 --> 00:39:42,005
Small? Like a French bread. Small?
511
00:39:42,131 --> 00:39:44,841
Okay. Then I don't know.
512
00:39:55,019 --> 00:39:57,689
- You're depressed still.
- No.
513
00:39:59,023 --> 00:40:00,653
I'm fine.
514
00:40:02,026 --> 00:40:04,066
(She sighs heavily)
515
00:40:04,194 --> 00:40:06,704
You're still thinking about it.
516
00:40:07,406 --> 00:40:10,736
Because I love you,
because you're so beautiful,
517
00:40:10,868 --> 00:40:13,368
and I want you to love me loving you.
518
00:40:13,495 --> 00:40:14,825
Please...
519
00:40:24,048 --> 00:40:25,878
(Moaning)
520
00:40:32,181 --> 00:40:36,191
- What are you doing?
- Take me. Do it to me.
521
00:40:37,353 --> 00:40:40,193
- Here?
- Yes, yes...
522
00:40:46,236 --> 00:40:48,946
- There's people all around.
- I don't care.
523
00:40:53,077 --> 00:40:57,827
- We could get caught!
- I know, I know. Do it.
524
00:41:00,084 --> 00:41:02,094
Do it!
525
00:41:02,211 --> 00:41:05,091
Oh, my God! Now she wants it!
526
00:41:07,925 --> 00:41:10,335
(♪ Jazz music over audio)
527
00:41:36,203 --> 00:41:39,423
(Fabrizio) Life plays
strange tricks on me.
528
00:41:39,540 --> 00:41:44,000
At the gallery she comes
like an express train.
529
00:41:44,128 --> 00:41:47,798
The next night in bed,
she lays there...
530
00:41:49,299 --> 00:41:55,679
It's the danger, my friend.
The fear of being caught.
531
00:41:56,515 --> 00:42:00,935
The sinful, mischievous,
naughty tempting of fate.
532
00:42:02,980 --> 00:42:05,150
That's what she needs.
533
00:42:06,942 --> 00:42:10,282
Mark my words.
534
00:42:11,822 --> 00:42:13,822
No question.
535
00:42:13,949 --> 00:42:16,539
She is weird-city.
536
00:42:16,660 --> 00:42:18,750
Well, then...
537
00:42:29,089 --> 00:42:31,429
(Man) Did anyone see Fabrizio?
538
00:42:37,347 --> 00:42:41,347
Fabrizio, listen carefully to what I say.
You'll get caught.
539
00:42:41,477 --> 00:42:43,847
It's dangerous. Don't do it!
540
00:42:43,979 --> 00:42:48,649
We were nearly caught last week.
541
00:42:48,776 --> 00:42:51,146
At the church. In the confessional.
542
00:42:51,278 --> 00:42:54,318
I still have a charley horse.
543
00:42:54,448 --> 00:42:56,698
(Tuts and sighs heavily)
544
00:42:57,659 --> 00:42:59,869
Stop it before it's too late.
545
00:43:04,750 --> 00:43:07,000
(♪ Soft jazz playing)
546
00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:24,898
Ah! Ow!
547
00:43:25,646 --> 00:43:28,356
(Screaming)
548
00:43:31,110 --> 00:43:33,110
(Shouting in Italian)
549
00:43:43,163 --> 00:43:45,833
Are you angry with me?
550
00:43:45,958 --> 00:43:49,628
(Fabrizio) I love you.
At least we know you're not frigid.
551
00:43:51,797 --> 00:43:54,837
As long as we do it in public.
552
00:43:56,093 --> 00:43:58,303
You'll get used to it.
553
00:43:59,304 --> 00:44:05,194
- I'll try.
- I knew we'd work things out.
554
00:44:11,316 --> 00:44:13,146
(Rattling)
555
00:44:23,704 --> 00:44:26,464
(♪ Jazz music over audio)
556
00:44:50,856 --> 00:44:54,106
(Sam) Do we have to get there that early?
Where is it written that we do?
557
00:44:54,234 --> 00:44:57,364
Oh, Sam! It's Julie's fiancé's parents.
You wanna be late?
558
00:44:57,487 --> 00:44:59,277
Listen, Tess.
559
00:44:59,406 --> 00:45:03,826
- I haven't been feeling well lately.
- Oh, come on. It's just psychosomatic.
560
00:45:03,952 --> 00:45:06,292
A tension headache by you
is psychosomatic.
561
00:45:06,413 --> 00:45:09,253
All of a sudden,
you've become a psychiatrist?
562
00:45:09,374 --> 00:45:12,844
Stop complaining. It's Alvin's parents,
so it's an obligation.
563
00:45:12,961 --> 00:45:16,591
- An obligation?
- I don't like them any more than you do.
564
00:45:16,715 --> 00:45:19,675
Or should I say it's them
that look down their noses at us?
565
00:45:19,801 --> 00:45:23,011
I heard that!
I think you're both a little paranoid.
566
00:45:23,138 --> 00:45:27,848
Alvin's parents are lovely people.
They like both of you very much.
567
00:45:33,106 --> 00:45:37,186
That's what I call a lawn. Nice, clipped.
Not like my house, overgrown.
568
00:45:37,319 --> 00:45:39,609
- Did you hear George and I...?
- Who's your gardener?
569
00:45:39,738 --> 00:45:41,818
- (George) Me! Me!
- You're the gardener?
570
00:45:41,949 --> 00:45:44,409
- Of course.
- Sam, did you see the roses?
571
00:45:44,534 --> 00:45:46,914
(Clamour of excited conversation)
572
00:45:48,121 --> 00:45:51,121
(♪ Florid classical piano piece)
573
00:46:08,850 --> 00:46:12,900
- Can you give me the recipe?
- You didn't make this yourself?
574
00:46:13,021 --> 00:46:16,021
- Excuse me.
- (Tess) Where are you going, Sam?
575
00:46:16,149 --> 00:46:17,729
To the bathroom.
576
00:46:17,859 --> 00:46:20,199
(George) Upstairs, first door to the left.
577
00:46:38,755 --> 00:46:44,335
Yes. We prefer Bermuda to
Puerto Rico, let's say. It's much nicer.
578
00:46:49,975 --> 00:46:54,725
Of course, I enjoy wearing
a formal gown once in a while,
579
00:46:54,855 --> 00:46:59,355
but when I'm on vacation,
I like to relax and wear slacks
580
00:46:59,484 --> 00:47:03,704
or little skirts and blouses
and sweet little hats.
581
00:47:03,822 --> 00:47:07,242
We, er... Your husband and I
had quite a talk.
582
00:47:07,367 --> 00:47:10,947
He's a very... gentle man.
Very interesting.
583
00:47:18,170 --> 00:47:20,510
I'd love to.
I've never seen wood carvings.
584
00:47:20,630 --> 00:47:24,760
Well, I mean African heads,
and we picked them up in, er...
585
00:47:24,885 --> 00:47:26,635
- (George) Bimini.
- Bimini.
586
00:47:26,762 --> 00:47:30,432
We got them for a steal. You won't
believe the price we paid for them.
587
00:47:30,557 --> 00:47:33,727
You want wood carvings?
I'll show you wood carvings. Tell her.
588
00:47:33,852 --> 00:47:36,772
You simply must see these.
They're absolutely...
589
00:47:53,246 --> 00:47:55,246
(George coughs)
590
00:48:02,172 --> 00:48:04,172
(Footsteps approaching)
591
00:48:05,675 --> 00:48:07,505
- (Sylvia) George?
- Yes, dear?
592
00:48:07,636 --> 00:48:10,176
(Sylvia) They're on the top shelf
in the closet.
593
00:48:10,305 --> 00:48:12,765
The closet or the bureau?
594
00:48:12,891 --> 00:48:14,941
(Sylvia) Top shelf in the closet!
595
00:48:15,060 --> 00:48:16,980
Top shelf? Right.
596
00:48:50,470 --> 00:48:54,560
You know, Bimini is a free port
and we got a marvellous buy on them.
597
00:48:59,896 --> 00:49:01,896
- From Bimini, the Bahamas.
- Oh?
598
00:49:02,023 --> 00:49:04,073
- Beautiful, hm?
- Uh... yes.
599
00:49:04,192 --> 00:49:08,362
Look at that detail.
I'd like your husband to see these.
600
00:49:08,488 --> 00:49:10,068
Thief! Purse-snatcher!
601
00:49:11,658 --> 00:49:14,658
(Sam) Thief! Help! Help! Get him!
602
00:49:19,875 --> 00:49:24,585
- Don't call the police! Oh, my God!
- What happened?
603
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:29,630
You know, I'm wondering...
what could be taking Sam so long?
604
00:49:29,759 --> 00:49:33,349
- Would you excuse me for a second?
- Certainly.
605
00:49:33,472 --> 00:49:37,852
- Are you all right, lady?
- Just another crime in the street thing.
606
00:49:37,976 --> 00:49:41,856
It's an everyday happening.
It just happened to me.
607
00:49:41,980 --> 00:49:45,070
- You're really lucky.
- Lucky? Well, I don't know...
608
00:49:45,192 --> 00:49:48,952
- Sure, I coulda been dead!
- Right. Absolutely right.
609
00:49:49,070 --> 00:49:53,280
- Did you have any valuables in it?
- No, I don't think so.
610
00:49:53,408 --> 00:49:55,408
- You're probably wondering why...
- Yes.
611
00:49:55,535 --> 00:49:59,615
I got a cold. It's dripping.
I don't feel good altogether.
612
00:49:59,748 --> 00:50:03,788
- Oh, these young people today!
- What can you do? What can you do?
613
00:50:03,919 --> 00:50:07,879
It's the society we're living in.
But don't make a fuss.
614
00:50:08,006 --> 00:50:09,466
(Knocking)
615
00:50:09,591 --> 00:50:11,761
Sam, what did you do? Fall in?
616
00:50:11,885 --> 00:50:13,885
(Knocking)
617
00:50:16,264 --> 00:50:20,604
Are you sure you're all right?
Officer, there was a bag stolen.
618
00:50:20,727 --> 00:50:23,727
All right! Who's the lady
whose purse was snatched?
619
00:50:23,855 --> 00:50:27,565
It's perfectly OK, officer.
I forgive the little rascal.
620
00:50:27,692 --> 00:50:30,152
I'm sorry,
but I'll have to fill out a report.
621
00:50:30,278 --> 00:50:34,118
I don't wanna press charges.
Really, you silly...
622
00:50:34,241 --> 00:50:36,791
(Siren wailing)
623
00:50:40,705 --> 00:50:44,165
- What's all the excitement about?
- There's a crowd. And police!
624
00:50:44,292 --> 00:50:46,252
- Police?
- (Sylvia) Exciting!
625
00:50:46,378 --> 00:50:50,378
- You got me, too. I follow fire engines.
- Let's look.
626
00:50:51,841 --> 00:50:55,011
(Clamour of conversation)
627
00:51:00,141 --> 00:51:02,601
- Name?
- Erm... name?
628
00:51:02,727 --> 00:51:04,227
Er, Jasmine.
629
00:51:04,354 --> 00:51:06,234
Jasmine Glit.
630
00:51:06,356 --> 00:51:10,316
- Oh, that's a very unusual name.
- Oh, you're sweet!
631
00:51:10,443 --> 00:51:14,363
- What seems to be the trouble, officer?
- It's just a purse-snatching.
632
00:51:14,489 --> 00:51:16,159
Purse...
633
00:51:16,283 --> 00:51:19,043
I'm sorry, lady.
I'm very sorry for you.
634
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:21,040
- If I lose my baby, I...
- Baby?
635
00:51:21,162 --> 00:51:22,622
- Yes.
- Come in and lie down.
636
00:51:22,747 --> 00:51:25,037
- I'm three months pregnant.
- I'm sorry.
637
00:51:25,166 --> 00:51:28,036
My gynaecologist told me
to avoid excitement.
638
00:51:30,839 --> 00:51:33,169
- Please come inside and let me...
- Nah, nah.
639
00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:34,800
(Screaming)
640
00:51:34,926 --> 00:51:38,046
My God! She's my husband!
641
00:51:38,179 --> 00:51:40,099
Sam... Sam Le...
642
00:51:40,223 --> 00:51:42,273
Yes! Sam Letterman!
643
00:51:42,392 --> 00:51:44,732
I'm a man! I'm a man. Here. See?
644
00:51:44,853 --> 00:51:47,273
Pull! Pull, George! Look.
645
00:51:47,397 --> 00:51:48,977
Zip me down.
646
00:51:49,107 --> 00:51:52,437
Yeah, look at this.
Look at this. Look.
647
00:51:52,569 --> 00:51:55,609
- Huh? Look at this.
- (Woman) Oh, my God!
648
00:51:55,739 --> 00:52:00,909
Help me get this stuff off.
Here! Take a look at that!
649
00:52:01,036 --> 00:52:03,996
(Tess) Sam, you should've told me,
that's all.
650
00:52:04,122 --> 00:52:06,122
I would've understood.
651
00:52:06,249 --> 00:52:09,539
It's not the kind of thing
that's easy to talk about.
652
00:52:09,669 --> 00:52:13,339
Sam... we've been married
for years.
653
00:52:13,465 --> 00:52:16,545
I love you. You love me.
654
00:52:16,676 --> 00:52:19,926
You could've come to me
and said, "Tess...
655
00:52:21,181 --> 00:52:23,351
"I have a diseased mind.
656
00:52:23,475 --> 00:52:25,805
"I'm a sick individual.
657
00:52:25,935 --> 00:52:29,185
"I need help. I need treatment.
658
00:52:29,314 --> 00:52:31,324
"I'm perverted.
659
00:52:31,441 --> 00:52:35,031
"I'm unfit to function
with normal, decent people."
660
00:52:36,029 --> 00:52:37,859
I would've understood.
661
00:52:37,989 --> 00:52:40,619
Thank you. Tess?
662
00:52:40,742 --> 00:52:44,452
- I'm gonna see Dr Fillmore next week.
- I'm glad.
663
00:52:44,579 --> 00:52:46,499
You're wonderful.
664
00:52:50,710 --> 00:52:55,720
The look on their faces
when the police removed your hat!
665
00:53:02,430 --> 00:53:04,770
(Announcer) ""What's My Perversion?"
666
00:53:04,891 --> 00:53:08,351
'Brought to you by Lancer,
the hair conditioner for men.'
667
00:53:09,145 --> 00:53:11,305
You still using that same old stuff
on your hair?
668
00:53:11,439 --> 00:53:12,979
Yeah. Why?
669
00:53:13,108 --> 00:53:14,528
Try this.
670
00:53:16,403 --> 00:53:18,743
- Lancer. Really?
- Go ahead.
671
00:53:22,283 --> 00:53:24,203
This is great. No grease or oil.
672
00:53:24,327 --> 00:53:26,787
Right. Grooms and conditions
at the same time.
673
00:53:26,913 --> 00:53:28,963
Smells great, too.
674
00:53:29,916 --> 00:53:33,036
Lancer. The conditioner
that grooms and conditions.
675
00:53:35,922 --> 00:53:37,172
Good...
676
00:53:38,967 --> 00:53:41,797
'A dollar ninety-eight at drug
and departments stores everywhere.
677
00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:43,888
'Lancer, for that better-groomed look.
678
00:53:44,013 --> 00:53:46,433
'A product of K Pharmaceuticals.'
679
00:53:53,148 --> 00:53:55,398
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
680
00:53:55,525 --> 00:53:59,145
A most cordial welcome once again
to "What's My Perversion?".
681
00:53:59,279 --> 00:54:01,819
Panel members, you're all looking
splendid this evening.
682
00:54:01,948 --> 00:54:05,658
Pamela and Toni, so beautiful.
And Regis and Robert Q, so handsome.
683
00:54:05,785 --> 00:54:09,245
And we have some
very interesting guests this evening.
684
00:54:09,372 --> 00:54:12,422
I think we should get right to them
this moment. So...
685
00:54:12,542 --> 00:54:15,632
First guest, will you sign in, please?
686
00:54:22,594 --> 00:54:24,014
(Barry) Bernard...
687
00:54:25,346 --> 00:54:26,766
...Jaffe.
688
00:54:26,890 --> 00:54:28,890
(Applause)
689
00:54:31,686 --> 00:54:33,686
Mr Jaffe, would you sit down, sir?
690
00:54:33,813 --> 00:54:36,823
Pleasure to have you with us
here on "What's My Perversion?".
691
00:54:36,941 --> 00:54:39,361
- You know the rules of our game.
- Yes, I do.
692
00:54:39,486 --> 00:54:42,606
You get $5 every time the panel
comes up with a "no" answer.
693
00:54:42,739 --> 00:54:44,369
To start our game going,
694
00:54:44,491 --> 00:54:47,871
would you whisper in my ear
what your perversion is?
695
00:54:47,994 --> 00:54:51,624
While you do that, we will let the studio
and the home audience know
696
00:54:51,748 --> 00:54:54,128
exactly what your perversion is.
697
00:54:56,753 --> 00:54:58,673
(Applause and cheering)
698
00:54:58,797 --> 00:55:01,467
Good. All right, panel members.
699
00:55:01,591 --> 00:55:04,801
The studio and the home audience
know what his perversion is.
700
00:55:04,928 --> 00:55:07,598
- We'll start with Robert Q Lewis.
- Thank you, Jack.
701
00:55:07,722 --> 00:55:10,772
Mr Jaffe, is this one
of those nice perversions
702
00:55:10,892 --> 00:55:13,942
that any guy might indulge in?
703
00:55:14,062 --> 00:55:18,112
Anybody can do it. I'm sure you could.
It's just a matter of wanting to.
704
00:55:18,233 --> 00:55:21,033
I see. Thank you.
Is this one of the perversions
705
00:55:21,152 --> 00:55:24,862
that might best be performed
in the home?
706
00:55:24,989 --> 00:55:27,579
- Or could you just do it anywhere?
- (Barry) Not necessarily.
707
00:55:27,700 --> 00:55:30,950
I think that'll get a "no" answer
and $5 to you, Mr Jaffe.
708
00:55:31,079 --> 00:55:34,419
And we turn the questioning
over to Pamela Mason. Pamela?
709
00:55:34,541 --> 00:55:37,711
Is it something that is
done with the hands?
710
00:55:37,836 --> 00:55:39,876
- You wanna help me on that?
- Yes.
711
00:55:40,004 --> 00:55:44,224
I would think that would not necessarily
have to play a part in the procedure.
712
00:55:44,342 --> 00:55:48,352
And we give you a "no" answer on that.
That's $10 for you, Mr Jaffe.
713
00:55:48,471 --> 00:55:50,141
And Regis Philbin is up next.
714
00:55:50,265 --> 00:55:55,595
When you're doing your perversion,
do you have any need for props?
715
00:55:55,728 --> 00:55:57,058
Props?
716
00:55:57,188 --> 00:55:59,318
(Regis) You know,
whips or leather boots?
717
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,650
- Oh, no!
- No, no. That's definitely not necessary.
718
00:56:02,777 --> 00:56:05,527
$15, Regis Philbin.
And now Toni Holt.
719
00:56:05,655 --> 00:56:11,945
Mr Jaffe, would a telescope or a pair of
binoculars be helpful to you at any time?
720
00:56:12,078 --> 00:56:15,208
It would have to be...
pointed in the right direction.
721
00:56:15,331 --> 00:56:16,581
(Audience laughs)
722
00:56:16,708 --> 00:56:18,918
But I have to interject to say
723
00:56:19,043 --> 00:56:22,343
it would not be helpful to you,
but rather to somebody else.
724
00:56:22,463 --> 00:56:26,763
In that respect, I think we must give you
a "no" answer, Toni. Robert Q Lewis.
725
00:56:26,885 --> 00:56:29,465
Are you...?
I'll take a wild guess.
726
00:56:29,596 --> 00:56:31,596
Are you a rapist?
727
00:56:32,557 --> 00:56:34,677
- Hardly.
- No. No, not at all.
728
00:56:34,809 --> 00:56:37,899
$25. And... Pamela Mason.
729
00:56:38,605 --> 00:56:41,395
- I'll pass to Regis.
- Is it self-contained?
730
00:56:41,524 --> 00:56:42,984
(Audience giggles)
731
00:56:43,109 --> 00:56:46,489
(Jaffe) Yes, I carry it with me
at all times.
732
00:56:46,613 --> 00:56:49,783
I'm gonna take a guess.
I think I have it.
733
00:56:50,575 --> 00:56:52,325
Do you molest children?
734
00:56:52,452 --> 00:56:54,832
(Barry) No, you're all
on the wrong track.
735
00:56:54,954 --> 00:56:58,834
Would you tell them what your perversion
is? You already have your $50.
736
00:56:58,958 --> 00:57:02,668
Yes. I like to expose myself
on subways.
737
00:57:02,795 --> 00:57:05,505
On subways. Sorry, panel!
738
00:57:07,717 --> 00:57:10,007
And now the winner
of this week's contest.
739
00:57:10,136 --> 00:57:13,506
Each week, we give you at home
an opportunity to play our game.
740
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:17,190
We ask you to write and tell us
exactly what your perversion is.
741
00:57:17,310 --> 00:57:19,650
We select the most interesting letter
742
00:57:19,771 --> 00:57:24,571
and we give that contestant a chance
to act out his fantasy on the programme.
743
00:57:24,692 --> 00:57:29,572
I present this week's winner. Ladies and
gentlemen and members of the panel,
744
00:57:29,697 --> 00:57:34,157
here from Muncie, Indiana is
our winner, Rabbi Chayim Baumel.
745
00:57:34,285 --> 00:57:36,195
(Applause)
746
00:57:40,375 --> 00:57:43,205
Well, congratulations to you,
Chayim Baumel.
747
00:57:43,336 --> 00:57:45,086
Excuse me.
748
00:57:45,213 --> 00:57:48,473
It's not "Chayim". It's not "Kayim".
749
00:57:48,591 --> 00:57:52,851
- It's pronounced "Chaim".
- Chaim. Very good.
750
00:57:52,971 --> 00:57:56,311
I understand, in addition to being
a very distinguished clergyman,
751
00:57:56,432 --> 00:57:59,232
you have a very fascinating fetish.
752
00:57:59,352 --> 00:58:02,772
- Yes... You mean a hang-up.
- Yes.
753
00:58:02,897 --> 00:58:04,267
Yes.
754
00:58:04,399 --> 00:58:06,439
Silk stockings.
755
00:58:06,567 --> 00:58:09,197
- Silk stockings?
- I love silk stockings.
756
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,490
To touch 'em. To hug them...
757
00:58:11,614 --> 00:58:13,624
To... To...
758
00:58:13,741 --> 00:58:19,501
You wrote in your letter that
what you'd like is to be tied up.
759
00:58:19,622 --> 00:58:23,172
For this, we need the help of one
of the members of the panel.
760
00:58:23,292 --> 00:58:26,302
Someone to tie him up.
Regis Philbin, would you?
761
00:58:26,421 --> 00:58:27,961
Excuse me.
762
00:58:28,965 --> 00:58:30,965
- Must be a girl.
- A girl.
763
00:58:31,092 --> 00:58:33,092
All right.
We certainly have two lovely girls.
764
00:58:33,219 --> 00:58:37,599
- Pamela, would you do the honours?
- Love to!
765
00:58:37,724 --> 00:58:39,354
(Barry) Rabbi...
766
00:58:39,475 --> 00:58:41,475
(♪ Jaunty theme tune)
767
00:58:43,312 --> 00:58:46,692
(Barry) Now, Pamela is going
to tie Rabbi Baumel
768
00:58:46,816 --> 00:58:50,146
according to the wishes
as expressed in his letter.
769
00:58:50,278 --> 00:58:54,198
I haven't had a lot of experience, Rabbi,
but I think I can manage.
770
00:58:54,323 --> 00:58:57,703
If you have any special instructions,
please let me know.
771
00:58:57,827 --> 00:59:01,707
Is there any special area
that you'd like to have tied?
772
00:59:01,831 --> 00:59:03,501
Not too tight.
773
00:59:03,624 --> 00:59:05,464
- There.
- (Barry) Good!
774
00:59:05,585 --> 00:59:08,875
And now a model from
the Lucy Jones Modelling Agency
775
00:59:09,005 --> 00:59:12,925
is going to pretend that
she is Rabbi Baumel's governess
776
00:59:13,051 --> 00:59:15,971
and she is going to spank the rabbi.
777
00:59:18,306 --> 00:59:20,346
You've been a naughty rabbi.
778
00:59:20,475 --> 00:59:24,145
Not so hard, I have to be
in the synagogue tomorrow.
779
00:59:24,270 --> 00:59:28,520
(Barry) Mrs Baumel, the rabbi's wife,
who we've flown in from Indiana,
780
00:59:28,649 --> 00:59:33,069
will sit at the rabbi's feet
and eat pork.
781
00:59:33,988 --> 00:59:38,118
Take that, naughty rabbi!
Now, don't you do that again!
782
00:59:39,327 --> 00:59:42,577
You're bad!
Naughty, naughty...
783
00:59:44,082 --> 00:59:46,132
(Barry) Well, there it is, America.
784
00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:49,420
Another lucky winner
gets to act out his fantasy.
785
00:59:49,545 --> 00:59:53,875
This is Jack Barry saying goodbye
and good luck from myself and the panel.
786
00:59:54,008 --> 00:59:59,098
We'll see you next week on
"What's My Perversion?".
787
00:59:59,222 --> 01:00:01,642
(Applause and cheering)
788
01:00:32,797 --> 01:00:36,007
- Let me have 50ȼ worth of regular.
- You bet.
789
01:00:45,893 --> 01:00:49,113
Excuse me. My car broke down
about two miles down the road.
790
01:00:49,230 --> 01:00:51,520
- Could you send somebody to get it?
- Sure, ma'am.
791
01:00:51,649 --> 01:00:55,489
Thank you very much.
How far is Dr Bernardo's house?
792
01:00:55,611 --> 01:00:58,571
- About seven miles.
- Oh, damn it.
793
01:00:58,698 --> 01:01:00,658
- Miss?
- Yeah?
794
01:01:00,783 --> 01:01:03,703
- You're going to Dr Bernardo's house?
- Uh-huh.
795
01:01:03,828 --> 01:01:07,498
- Would you like a lift? I'm going there.
- Gee, that'd be swell.
796
01:01:07,623 --> 01:01:10,293
- Yeah? Oh, well, come on.
- OK.
797
01:01:13,754 --> 01:01:15,884
Are you a friend of Dr Bernardo's?
798
01:01:16,007 --> 01:01:20,007
Not exactly. I'm gonna be working
with him, helping with his experiments.
799
01:01:20,136 --> 01:01:22,636
Are you studying
sexual phenomena, too?
800
01:01:22,763 --> 01:01:25,983
Yes. I was a Biology major in school.
801
01:01:26,100 --> 01:01:31,150
I'm really looking forward to working with
the doctor. He's a great hero of mine.
802
01:01:31,272 --> 01:01:36,492
He was the first man to ever measure
the sound waves produced by an erection.
803
01:01:36,611 --> 01:01:38,991
- Yes, I know.
- Do you?
804
01:01:39,113 --> 01:01:41,453
Yes, I'm a reporter for "The Globe".
805
01:01:41,574 --> 01:01:45,834
I'm going to interview Dr Bernardo
for a story in our Sunday supplement.
806
01:01:45,953 --> 01:01:47,793
- A reporter, huh?
- Mm-hm.
807
01:01:47,914 --> 01:01:49,924
You know, you're kinda cute.
808
01:01:50,041 --> 01:01:53,251
Yeah, why don't you just
watch the road, huh?
809
01:01:53,377 --> 01:01:56,007
- What's your name?
- Helen Lacey.
810
01:01:56,130 --> 01:01:58,260
- What's yours?
- Victor.
811
01:01:58,382 --> 01:02:00,432
Victor Shakapopulis.
812
01:02:38,381 --> 01:02:40,051
(Knocking)
813
01:02:51,227 --> 01:02:54,107
(Incoherent mumbling)
814
01:02:55,273 --> 01:02:56,863
(Clears throat)
815
01:02:56,983 --> 01:02:58,823
Is Dr Bernardo here?
816
01:03:00,027 --> 01:03:03,107
I think he wants us to come in.
817
01:03:03,239 --> 01:03:04,699
(Mumbles)
818
01:03:05,574 --> 01:03:08,454
The doctor's expecting us, so...
819
01:03:13,291 --> 01:03:15,291
Look at this place!
820
01:03:15,418 --> 01:03:18,298
Yeah, it's really great.
Is your decorator still living?
821
01:03:18,421 --> 01:03:20,171
It's chilly.
822
01:03:21,590 --> 01:03:25,260
So, what d'you think?
Is Dr Bernardo here or what?
823
01:03:25,386 --> 01:03:28,006
I am Dr Bernardo.
824
01:03:30,641 --> 01:03:32,941
You must be Victor.
825
01:03:33,060 --> 01:03:34,770
And Miss Lacey.
826
01:03:36,522 --> 01:03:40,442
Igor, I thought I told you
to keep to your room!
827
01:03:48,784 --> 01:03:50,374
Forgive him.
828
01:03:50,494 --> 01:03:52,834
He usually keeps to his room.
829
01:03:52,955 --> 01:03:56,205
You know, there's a big problem
with domestics nowadays.
830
01:03:56,334 --> 01:04:00,004
Come.
Shall we have dinner?
831
01:04:00,129 --> 01:04:01,509
Yeah.
832
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:05,887
I understand you're famous
for your potato pancakes.
833
01:04:06,010 --> 01:04:08,850
Dr Bernardo, you don't know
how excited I am to be here.
834
01:04:08,971 --> 01:04:11,181
I've waited so long to meet you.
835
01:04:11,307 --> 01:04:14,437
I'm really looking forward
to helping you with your experiments.
836
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:16,940
I don't know if you've read
my latest book,
837
01:04:17,063 --> 01:04:20,323
"Advanced Sexual Positions:
How To Achieve Them Without Laughing?"
838
01:04:20,441 --> 01:04:23,991
- But it's getting to be a classic.
- I am familiar with it.
839
01:04:24,111 --> 01:04:28,571
It's wonderful how you men of science
have finally gotten around to sex.
840
01:04:28,699 --> 01:04:31,199
The girls at "The Globe" are
so pleased with your work
841
01:04:31,327 --> 01:04:33,577
on respiration during orgasm.
842
01:04:33,704 --> 01:04:36,004
A mere trifle compared to my real work.
843
01:04:36,123 --> 01:04:38,333
Doctor, I read a statement you made,
844
01:04:38,459 --> 01:04:43,129
that you felt the average length
of a man's penis should be 19 inches.
845
01:04:43,255 --> 01:04:47,085
- Doesn't that seem a little long?
- Long?
846
01:04:47,218 --> 01:04:50,758
My friend, I'm making discoveries
you wouldn't dream of!
847
01:04:50,888 --> 01:04:54,388
Yes, I know. But...
But 19 inches... I mean, that's...
848
01:04:54,517 --> 01:04:56,477
(Bernardo) Does that sound mad?
849
01:04:56,602 --> 01:05:01,232
That's what they called me
at Masters and Johnson's clinic. Mad!
850
01:05:01,357 --> 01:05:03,687
Because I had visions of explorations
851
01:05:03,818 --> 01:05:07,408
in sexual areas undreamed of
by lesser human beings!
852
01:05:07,530 --> 01:05:12,740
It was I who first discovered how to make
a man impotent by hiding his hat!
853
01:05:12,868 --> 01:05:15,498
I was the first one
to explain the connection
854
01:05:15,621 --> 01:05:19,131
between excessive masturbation
and entering politics.
855
01:05:19,250 --> 01:05:24,420
It was I who first said that clitoral
orgasm should not be only for women.
856
01:05:24,547 --> 01:05:27,507
They laughed at me, ridiculed me,
said I was mad.
857
01:05:27,633 --> 01:05:29,643
Ha-ha! But I showed them.
858
01:05:30,219 --> 01:05:32,469
They threw me out
of Masters and Johnson's.
859
01:05:32,596 --> 01:05:35,176
No severance pay.
And I had it coming!
860
01:05:35,307 --> 01:05:38,477
But I showed them! Ha-ha!
861
01:05:40,980 --> 01:05:43,570
Are we having dessert?
862
01:05:43,691 --> 01:05:48,111
Oh, come. I want to show you
my laboratory.
863
01:05:48,237 --> 01:05:49,567
Igor!
864
01:05:53,325 --> 01:05:55,195
Clean up this table, and hurry!
865
01:05:55,327 --> 01:05:57,907
(Incoherent mumbling)
866
01:05:59,123 --> 01:06:01,173
You must forgive Igor.
867
01:06:01,292 --> 01:06:04,422
He was part of an experiment
of mine that backfired.
868
01:06:04,545 --> 01:06:09,005
Using an electrical generator,
I gave him a four-hour orgasm.
869
01:06:09,133 --> 01:06:12,853
He had fun,
but he turned out like this.
870
01:06:12,970 --> 01:06:14,390
Well...
871
01:06:18,267 --> 01:06:20,137
Posture. Posture!
872
01:06:24,773 --> 01:06:29,113
Here it is. Here's where
I'm discovering new facts about sex.
873
01:06:29,236 --> 01:06:31,906
Facts that will make me
a great man one day.
874
01:06:32,031 --> 01:06:35,661
(Electrical fizzing
and liquid bubbling)
875
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:56,850
- Dr Bernardo, what is all this?
- Come this way and you'll see.
876
01:07:06,065 --> 01:07:10,355
Here I'm studying premature
ejaculation in a hippopotamus.
877
01:07:10,486 --> 01:07:13,406
How often does that problem
come up with a hippo?
878
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:18,830
Here I'm forcing a man to have
intercourse with a large rye bread.
879
01:07:18,953 --> 01:07:20,793
They're getting on famously.
880
01:07:21,872 --> 01:07:25,082
Here, I'm going to take
the brain of a lesbian
881
01:07:25,209 --> 01:07:29,669
and put it into the body of a man
who works for the telephone company.
882
01:07:29,797 --> 01:07:32,007
But why?
What good will this do anybody?
883
01:07:32,132 --> 01:07:35,472
It'll show those fools
who called me mad! Come.
884
01:07:38,514 --> 01:07:41,104
- But, doctor, this is immoral!
- Nonsense.
885
01:07:41,225 --> 01:07:44,305
The human mind is capable
of many strange things. Look.
886
01:07:44,436 --> 01:07:47,816
Each day for the past year,
I feed her nothing but silicone.
887
01:07:47,940 --> 01:07:52,320
She used to be flat-chested.
Give me another year and watch out!
888
01:07:52,444 --> 01:07:54,454
(Slobbering)
889
01:07:58,576 --> 01:08:00,536
You're insane.
890
01:08:00,661 --> 01:08:03,121
That's what they said
at Masters and Johnson.
891
01:08:03,247 --> 01:08:06,787
And all because I built
a 400ft diaphragm!
892
01:08:09,044 --> 01:08:12,724
Birth control for an entire nation
at once!
893
01:08:14,550 --> 01:08:19,970
Now you! You will be the subject
of my newest experiment.
894
01:08:20,097 --> 01:08:23,927
- Me?
- Yes. Look here.
895
01:08:26,562 --> 01:08:28,982
In here, I have 20 Scouts.
896
01:08:29,106 --> 01:08:33,186
I want to measure your respiration
when they gangbang you.
897
01:08:33,319 --> 01:08:35,029
No!
898
01:08:35,154 --> 01:08:36,994
(Moaning)
899
01:08:40,534 --> 01:08:45,294
Get away from her.
Why don't you let her relax and enjoy it?
900
01:08:45,414 --> 01:08:48,044
You shoot this girl
and I'll sue you for malpractice.
901
01:08:48,167 --> 01:08:49,377
Igor!
902
01:08:53,255 --> 01:08:55,505
(Helen) Victor!
Victor, do something!
903
01:08:55,633 --> 01:08:58,643
- Helen, keep your legs crossed.
- Victor!
904
01:09:22,785 --> 01:09:24,235
Igor!
905
01:10:17,131 --> 01:10:19,131
Now we owe them a dinner!
906
01:10:19,258 --> 01:10:21,258
(Engine stutters)
907
01:10:22,261 --> 01:10:24,601
What's wrong, Victor?
908
01:10:24,722 --> 01:10:28,272
I think the battery's dead
and we're out of gas, oil and water.
909
01:10:34,565 --> 01:10:36,975
- Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
910
01:10:37,109 --> 01:10:38,859
(Screaming)
911
01:10:38,986 --> 01:10:41,986
- What was that?
- That sounded like Igor.
912
01:10:42,114 --> 01:10:43,494
Victor, look!
913
01:10:46,160 --> 01:10:47,870
Oh, my God!
914
01:10:47,995 --> 01:10:49,955
A gigantic tit!
915
01:10:52,416 --> 01:10:54,376
Oh, Victor, what are we gonna do?
916
01:10:54,501 --> 01:10:57,921
I don't know about you, but I'm going
home to get my catcher's mitt.
917
01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,716
It looks angry.
The nipple's getting erect.
918
01:11:00,841 --> 01:11:05,391
- Oh, Victor! Come on, let's go.
- No! They were all boys in my family.
919
01:11:22,821 --> 01:11:25,871
- Sheriff, I wanna report an escaped tit.
- A what?
920
01:11:25,991 --> 01:11:29,581
It's already killed two people,
Dr Bernardo and his assistant.
921
01:11:29,703 --> 01:11:31,333
A tremendous tit.
922
01:11:31,455 --> 01:11:34,575
- Have you been drinking?
- We don't have time to argue.
923
01:11:34,708 --> 01:11:37,168
While we're standing here,
the countryside's being ravaged
924
01:11:37,294 --> 01:11:38,714
by a colossal boob!
925
01:11:38,837 --> 01:11:40,837
(♪ Car radio plays pop music)
926
01:11:42,633 --> 01:11:46,433
(Man) You've got the most beautiful
set of breasts.
927
01:11:46,553 --> 01:11:48,603
- Oh, shit!
- (Radio interference)
928
01:11:48,722 --> 01:11:51,232
There's something wrong with the radio.
929
01:11:51,350 --> 01:11:54,810
Look, there's something wrong
with the radio. See?
930
01:11:57,773 --> 01:11:59,783
(Man) Oh, my God!
931
01:12:00,692 --> 01:12:02,362
Jesus Christ!
932
01:12:02,486 --> 01:12:03,696
God!
933
01:12:04,613 --> 01:12:07,703
- What is it?
- Relax! Just relax!
934
01:12:19,586 --> 01:12:23,416
Be on the lookout
for a large, female breast.
935
01:12:23,549 --> 01:12:25,629
It's about a 4,000 with an X cup.
936
01:12:25,759 --> 01:12:28,009
About a 4,000 with an X cup.
937
01:12:29,054 --> 01:12:30,474
Let's go.
938
01:12:43,193 --> 01:12:45,033
We're too late. He's dead.
939
01:12:45,153 --> 01:12:48,033
The cream slowed him up
and the milk killed him.
940
01:12:48,156 --> 01:12:52,156
We're up against a very clever tit.
It shoots half and half.
941
01:12:52,286 --> 01:12:55,826
Victor, what are we gonna do
to stop this fiendish tit?
942
01:12:55,956 --> 01:12:59,416
I got an idea, but I'd have to get
my hands on some camouflage.
943
01:12:59,543 --> 01:13:01,593
I can get you camouflage.
944
01:13:01,712 --> 01:13:03,922
Victor, please don't do
anything dangerous.
945
01:13:04,047 --> 01:13:07,337
Don't worry.
I know how to handle tits.
946
01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:18,913
Victor! I'm so proud of you.
You did it!
947
01:14:19,039 --> 01:14:22,289
Oh, I was so worried.
Were you scared?
948
01:14:22,417 --> 01:14:26,457
- Do I look like a guy who gets scared?
- I thought you'd be nursed to death.
949
01:14:26,588 --> 01:14:29,418
Everything's all secure now.
You don't have to worry.
950
01:14:29,549 --> 01:14:33,719
One thing bothers me, though. That's
a single. You're sure that was a single?
951
01:14:33,845 --> 01:14:36,845
- That was a single.
- They usually travel in pairs.
952
01:14:36,974 --> 01:14:40,194
- No, you don't have to worry.
- I've never seen one by itself.
953
01:14:40,310 --> 01:14:41,980
Two, yes. But not just one.
954
01:14:42,104 --> 01:14:46,234
So we're gonna take a nipple print,
just so we'll have ID on this one.
955
01:14:46,358 --> 01:14:50,648
I think we'll put it on probation
for maybe... 90 days,
956
01:14:50,779 --> 01:14:52,779
and then take it
down to the orphanage.
957
01:14:52,906 --> 01:14:55,366
There's a lot of hungry babies
down there.
958
01:14:55,492 --> 01:14:57,832
You both take care of yourselves now.
959
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:02,290
(Helen) You were so magnificent
out there.
960
01:15:02,416 --> 01:15:04,456
I knew then that I wanted you.
961
01:15:04,584 --> 01:15:07,304
(Victor) Well, I don't wanna
say anything about this, Helen.
962
01:15:07,421 --> 01:15:10,471
I kinda had a personal stake
in this case, you know.
963
01:15:10,590 --> 01:15:12,550
I've never told anyone this before,
964
01:15:12,676 --> 01:15:16,426
but when I was a little child,
I was breast-fed from falsies.
965
01:15:16,555 --> 01:15:20,515
I've learned one thing from
this whole situation, and that is:
966
01:15:20,642 --> 01:15:24,812
when it comes to sex, there are certain
things that should be left unknown.
967
01:15:24,938 --> 01:15:27,398
And with my luck,
they probably will be.
968
01:15:48,754 --> 01:15:50,804
(Intercom buzzes)
969
01:15:50,922 --> 01:15:52,552
Brain room.
970
01:15:52,674 --> 01:15:55,184
Come in, motor function 12. Check.
971
01:15:57,179 --> 01:15:59,309
His leg itches.
972
01:16:02,059 --> 01:16:06,349
- Scratch the left leg.
- The leg has been scratched.
973
01:16:07,898 --> 01:16:09,978
There's a joke coming in on 4-1.
974
01:16:10,108 --> 01:16:13,698
- Prepare response for incoming joke.
- Joke response 18.2.
975
01:16:13,820 --> 01:16:16,070
- Smile, please.
- He's smiling.
976
01:16:16,198 --> 01:16:17,738
Brain to stomach.
977
01:16:17,866 --> 01:16:20,036
Stomach to brain. Over.
978
01:16:20,160 --> 01:16:21,950
- Food coming down.
- What kind?
979
01:16:22,079 --> 01:16:24,959
- Fettucine.
- Jesus Christ!
980
01:16:25,082 --> 01:16:29,292
- Italian food coming down!
- (All) Again? Italian food?
981
01:16:34,466 --> 01:16:36,426
Stomach proceeding
with breakdown.
982
01:16:36,551 --> 01:16:41,721
This is Mission Control. Mission Control.
Please stand by for systems check.
983
01:16:41,848 --> 01:16:43,598
Well, what do you think?
984
01:16:43,725 --> 01:16:45,555
No, thanks.
985
01:16:45,685 --> 01:16:48,855
- Think we'll have intercourse tonight?
- I'm very optimistic.
986
01:16:48,980 --> 01:16:51,360
The date is very beautiful.
Have you seen her?
987
01:16:51,483 --> 01:16:55,033
No, I haven't had a chance.
It's been so damned hectic up here.
988
01:16:55,153 --> 01:16:57,573
She's lovely.
You should take a look.
989
01:16:59,825 --> 01:17:03,325
- Brain to eyes. Brain to eyes. Come in.
- Eyes to brain. Over.
990
01:17:03,453 --> 01:17:06,463
'Focus on the dinner date.
I want to check out something.'
991
01:17:06,581 --> 01:17:08,501
- You want the whole body?
- 'Yes, please.'
992
01:17:08,625 --> 01:17:10,665
Take a look.
993
01:17:13,672 --> 01:17:14,762
Hey!
994
01:17:14,881 --> 01:17:19,681
- Be a shame to lose this one.
- And how! Wow!
995
01:17:19,803 --> 01:17:21,853
Any indication yet?
996
01:17:21,972 --> 01:17:25,812
Brain to ears. Brain to ears.
Can you throw some voice up here?
997
01:17:27,561 --> 01:17:32,981
Yes. For me, Norman Mailer has
exactly that same sort of relevance.
998
01:17:33,108 --> 01:17:36,028
That affirmative/negative duality
999
01:17:36,153 --> 01:17:39,663
that only Proust or Flaubert
could achieve.
1000
01:17:39,781 --> 01:17:42,701
Don't know if we're gonna make it.
Doesn't look too good.
1001
01:17:42,826 --> 01:17:45,496
I'm a graduate of New York University.
1002
01:17:45,620 --> 01:17:47,160
We're gonna make it.
1003
01:17:47,289 --> 01:17:50,539
- I'm worried.
- About a possible failure?
1004
01:17:50,667 --> 01:17:52,087
- Yes.
- Yeah...
1005
01:17:52,210 --> 01:17:54,590
Anyone can have a fiasco
now and then,
1006
01:17:54,713 --> 01:17:58,473
but a few in a row can lead
to a serious loss of confidence.
1007
01:17:58,592 --> 01:18:01,852
You can see what it's doing
to morale around here already.
1008
01:18:01,970 --> 01:18:05,060
Don't worry.
We're gonna bring this off.
1009
01:18:05,182 --> 01:18:08,732
My place or your place?
To me, it doesn't matter where we do it.
1010
01:18:08,852 --> 01:18:10,812
Hey, why do you look so scared?
1011
01:18:10,937 --> 01:18:14,227
Goddamn it! Who flashed
the scared expression? Come on!
1012
01:18:15,400 --> 01:18:17,400
- Anybody press "frightened"?
- No one.
1013
01:18:17,527 --> 01:18:20,737
- Must be a short circuit somewhere.
- That's all we need now!
1014
01:18:22,240 --> 01:18:25,160
Mission Control.
Prepare for launching!
1015
01:18:25,285 --> 01:18:28,575
Prepare for launching!
It looks like they're gonna do it!
1016
01:18:28,705 --> 01:18:32,245
(Tannoy) 'Attention, sperm!
Attention, sperm! Stand by!'
1017
01:18:32,709 --> 01:18:36,549
- Well, here we go again.
- D'you think we'll get out this time?
1018
01:18:36,671 --> 01:18:38,801
I hope it's not another false alarm.
1019
01:18:38,924 --> 01:18:41,134
Been having trouble
down in Engineering.
1020
01:18:41,259 --> 01:18:43,429
I heard it was all mental.
1021
01:18:43,553 --> 01:18:47,063
- Hey, you're on my tail.
- Sorry.
1022
01:18:47,182 --> 01:18:50,732
Heart factors are all balanced.
We could use more adrenaline.
1023
01:18:50,852 --> 01:18:53,812
This is the adrenal gland.
We're pumping away here.
1024
01:18:53,939 --> 01:18:56,229
Oh, my God, Sydney!
Can't you wait?
1025
01:18:56,358 --> 01:18:58,938
You wanna do it right here
in the parking lot?
1026
01:18:59,069 --> 01:19:01,359
Signal the voice
to answer in the affirmative!
1027
01:19:01,488 --> 01:19:04,448
All systems on the alert.
We're gonna try to ball her in the car.
1028
01:19:04,574 --> 01:19:07,204
(Electronic beeping intensifies)
1029
01:19:08,203 --> 01:19:10,543
Ears! Quickly! Ears!
1030
01:19:10,664 --> 01:19:14,254
I've made it in cars before,
but always in hardtops.
1031
01:19:14,376 --> 01:19:18,166
- Prepare for launching.
- Sexual organs, proceed with erection.
1032
01:19:18,296 --> 01:19:21,376
- It's stuck!
- Let's go, boys!
1033
01:19:21,508 --> 01:19:23,638
Come on, get it up, fellas!
1034
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:26,180
Pull! All together!
1035
01:19:29,766 --> 01:19:31,426
Roll out the tongue!
1036
01:19:36,231 --> 01:19:38,281
Here comes the kiss! Hang on!
1037
01:19:39,442 --> 01:19:41,862
(Rumbling and bleeping)
1038
01:19:43,863 --> 01:19:45,703
Activate pleasure centre!
1039
01:19:45,824 --> 01:19:48,244
(Sensual moaning)
1040
01:19:50,578 --> 01:19:53,158
Can we have an erection?
What the hell's going on down there?
1041
01:19:53,290 --> 01:19:55,830
I know you can do it, boys! Pull!
1042
01:19:59,129 --> 01:20:02,379
Come on, fellas! What's the matter?
Don't just stand there!
1043
01:20:02,507 --> 01:20:04,627
What's the matter, Sydney?
1044
01:20:05,510 --> 01:20:09,260
- Maintain hands on breasts.
- We're having trouble with respiration.
1045
01:20:09,389 --> 01:20:11,769
We're way over the limit down here.
1046
01:20:11,891 --> 01:20:14,641
If you're not getting an erection,
something's wrong.
1047
01:20:14,769 --> 01:20:16,979
Proceed with erection. All systems go.
1048
01:20:17,105 --> 01:20:21,395
Let's go, boys! All together!
We gotta get it up!
1049
01:20:21,526 --> 01:20:25,106
What the hell's going on down here?
We need an erection.
1050
01:20:25,238 --> 01:20:28,158
We need more help
from the brain room.
1051
01:20:28,283 --> 01:20:30,833
Maybe there's some trouble
in the stomach.
1052
01:20:30,952 --> 01:20:33,372
Fettucine is moving along nicely.
1053
01:20:34,289 --> 01:20:37,419
A couple of injuries
from the veal scallopini, though.
1054
01:20:37,542 --> 01:20:40,382
I'm not laughing, Sydney, honestly.
1055
01:20:41,713 --> 01:20:43,263
Now kiss me.
1056
01:20:44,132 --> 01:20:46,972
We have an erection of 45 degrees.
1057
01:20:47,093 --> 01:20:49,973
- Shall we attempt penetration?
- Prepare for penetration.
1058
01:20:53,850 --> 01:20:57,900
- Well, this looks like it.
- Do you know what it's like out there?
1059
01:20:58,021 --> 01:21:00,861
It's like they told us in training school.
It's an ovum.
1060
01:21:00,982 --> 01:21:03,362
I'm scared. I don't wanna go.
1061
01:21:03,485 --> 01:21:06,275
This is what all this training was for.
1062
01:21:06,404 --> 01:21:08,824
Who knows what
it's gonna be like out there?
1063
01:21:08,948 --> 01:21:11,118
You saw slides in class.
1064
01:21:12,369 --> 01:21:15,119
Yeah, but you hear
these strange stories.
1065
01:21:15,246 --> 01:21:18,036
Like, there's this pill
these women take.
1066
01:21:18,166 --> 01:21:21,746
Or sometimes the guys slam their heads
up against a wall of hard rubber.
1067
01:21:21,878 --> 01:21:23,758
(Man) Oh, that's nonsense.
1068
01:21:23,880 --> 01:21:27,840
Yeah, or... what if
it's a homosexual encounter?
1069
01:21:27,967 --> 01:21:30,047
(Man) This is no time
to doubt our mission.
1070
01:21:30,178 --> 01:21:35,308
You took an oath when you went to sperm
school. To fertilise an ovum, or die trying.
1071
01:21:35,433 --> 01:21:38,023
No, I'm scared.
I don't wanna go out there.
1072
01:21:38,144 --> 01:21:41,114
We're too low to attempt penetration.
The men can't hold!
1073
01:21:41,231 --> 01:21:42,691
We gotta hold!
1074
01:21:42,816 --> 01:21:45,146
We need more stimulation
from the pleasure centre!
1075
01:21:45,276 --> 01:21:48,406
Organ room to brain control.
Re-stimulate pleasure centre.
1076
01:21:48,530 --> 01:21:51,910
- Prepare to stroke her thighs.
- We're on the thighs and stroking.
1077
01:21:52,033 --> 01:21:55,913
Attention, mouth. Attention, mouth.
Please blow in her ear.
1078
01:21:56,037 --> 01:21:58,707
Erection is at 45 degrees
and holding fast.
1079
01:21:58,832 --> 01:22:02,382
Readjust mouth. We're missing her ear
and blowing into her nose.
1080
01:22:02,502 --> 01:22:03,552
Attempt penetration.
1081
01:22:03,670 --> 01:22:05,260
Thrust!
1082
01:22:05,380 --> 01:22:08,430
It'll never work. The angle's bad.
1083
01:22:08,550 --> 01:22:11,930
Hey, we're gonna make babies!
1084
01:22:26,234 --> 01:22:28,284
This is Mission Control. Penetrate!
1085
01:22:28,403 --> 01:22:32,533
- We can't. It's no use!
- Hold tight, men! We're losing it.
1086
01:22:38,246 --> 01:22:40,326
What am I doing here?
1087
01:22:40,457 --> 01:22:42,207
What am I doing here?
1088
01:22:42,333 --> 01:22:45,713
It's going down! Keep it up, boys!
1089
01:22:45,837 --> 01:22:47,587
Higher! Pull!
1090
01:22:47,714 --> 01:22:52,054
It's no use, we're losing it!
Start preparing an alibi to save face.
1091
01:22:53,136 --> 01:22:56,426
We found him tampering with
the machinery in the cerebral cortex.
1092
01:22:56,556 --> 01:23:00,346
- He was turning up the guilt reflex.
- That's a lie. I never touched anything!
1093
01:23:00,477 --> 01:23:03,307
- It's a lie, sir.
- I work in the conscience room.
1094
01:23:03,438 --> 01:23:06,768
We found the conscience tied to a chair.
He'd knocked him out.
1095
01:23:06,900 --> 01:23:09,820
- Is this true?
- What if it is?
1096
01:23:09,944 --> 01:23:12,204
Don't you think
you should be ashamed of this?
1097
01:23:12,322 --> 01:23:15,582
Sexual relations
between unmarried people?
1098
01:23:15,700 --> 01:23:17,620
To take an innocent woman
1099
01:23:17,744 --> 01:23:24,254
and assault her in a brutal, sadistic,
ungodlike manner is...blasphemy!
1100
01:23:24,375 --> 01:23:26,205
Lock him up.
1101
01:23:27,128 --> 01:23:30,588
- Sabotage is over.
- Blasphemy!
1102
01:23:30,715 --> 01:23:33,125
It's blasphemy!
1103
01:23:33,259 --> 01:23:35,759
Full steam ahead.
1104
01:23:35,887 --> 01:23:38,097
(Soft moaning)
1105
01:23:38,223 --> 01:23:40,893
- Here we go again!
- I'm not going out there.
1106
01:23:41,017 --> 01:23:43,137
I'm not gonna get shot
outta that thing!
1107
01:23:43,269 --> 01:23:46,149
What if he's masturbating?
I'll wind up on the ceiling!
1108
01:23:46,272 --> 01:23:48,942
- No!
- Get a grip on yourself.
1109
01:23:49,067 --> 01:23:51,607
Fellas... Fellas, it's dark out there!
1110
01:23:53,655 --> 01:23:56,695
- Shh! Shh!
- I'm due at my parents' for dinner.
1111
01:23:56,824 --> 01:23:59,084
Heave-ho!
1112
01:23:59,202 --> 01:24:01,372
Heave-ho!
1113
01:24:02,372 --> 01:24:05,382
(All) ♪ Mine eyes
have seen the glory
1114
01:24:05,500 --> 01:24:09,050
♪ Of the coming of the Lord...
1115
01:24:09,170 --> 01:24:11,170
(Heavy breathing)
1116
01:24:15,969 --> 01:24:19,099
♪ He hath loosed the fateful lightning
1117
01:24:19,222 --> 01:24:22,352
♪ Of his terrible swift sword
1118
01:24:22,475 --> 01:24:27,395
♪ 'His truth is marching on...' ♪
1119
01:24:28,940 --> 01:24:31,110
We're inside! We're making it!
1120
01:24:33,987 --> 01:24:37,277
Memory, think of baseball players
to keep sperm from premature launching.
1121
01:24:37,407 --> 01:24:40,407
(♪ "The Last Post"
played on harmonica)
1122
01:24:52,672 --> 01:24:55,432
Can't hold out any longer.
Prepare for release of sperm.
1123
01:24:55,550 --> 01:24:57,640
Willie Mays.
Joe Namath. Mickey Mantle.
1124
01:25:03,099 --> 01:25:05,809
See you guys in the ovary!
1125
01:25:05,935 --> 01:25:08,515
Save me an egg!
1126
01:25:08,646 --> 01:25:11,316
Well, at least he's Jewish.
1127
01:25:16,112 --> 01:25:17,782
(Rapid heartbeat)
1128
01:25:17,905 --> 01:25:19,905
(Rapid electronic bleeping)
1129
01:25:28,249 --> 01:25:31,339
(Bleeping dies down)
1130
01:25:38,343 --> 01:25:40,683
Listen! Everybody! Everybody!
1131
01:25:40,803 --> 01:25:43,013
Can I have your attention?
This is Mission Control.
1132
01:25:43,139 --> 01:25:47,689
I just wanna congratulate everybody
on a fine job, well done.
1133
01:25:47,810 --> 01:25:51,650
I mean that in all sincerity.
It was hectic, but we brought it through!
1134
01:25:51,773 --> 01:25:53,783
(Cheering)
1135
01:25:53,900 --> 01:25:56,740
- Ha! Well, she was worth it.
- Yes, she was.
1136
01:25:56,861 --> 01:25:58,951
I'll drink to that.
1137
01:25:59,072 --> 01:26:01,122
(Laughter)
1138
01:26:01,240 --> 01:26:03,200
That was great, Sydney.
1139
01:26:06,162 --> 01:26:08,462
Let's do it one more time.
1140
01:26:08,581 --> 01:26:13,041
Hey, everybody stand by!
Here we go again!
1141
01:26:16,089 --> 01:26:18,299
Attention, all hands!
Attention, all hands!
1142
01:26:18,424 --> 01:26:20,054
Stand by! Stand by!
1143
01:26:20,176 --> 01:26:22,256
- Give me a fatigue reading.
- 4.5.
1144
01:26:22,387 --> 01:26:26,057
Fatigue reading 4.5. Looks good.
We're going for seconds!
1145
01:26:26,182 --> 01:26:29,482
Attention, gonads!
We're going for record!
1146
01:26:31,479 --> 01:26:36,109
(Cole Porter) ♪ We're all alone,
No chaperone can get our number
1147
01:26:36,234 --> 01:26:38,494
♪ The world's in slumber
1148
01:26:38,611 --> 01:26:40,911
♪ Let's misbehave!
1149
01:26:41,030 --> 01:26:43,370
♪ There's something wild
About you, child
1150
01:26:43,491 --> 01:26:45,621
♪ That's so contagious
1151
01:26:45,743 --> 01:26:48,003
♪ Let's be outrageous
1152
01:26:48,121 --> 01:26:50,421
♪ Let's misbehave!
1153
01:26:50,540 --> 01:26:55,170
♪ When Adam won Eve's hand,
He wouldn't stand for teasin'
1154
01:26:55,294 --> 01:26:59,844
♪ He didn't care about those apples
Out of season
1155
01:26:59,966 --> 01:27:04,636
♪ They say that Spring means
Just one thing to little lovebirds
1156
01:27:04,762 --> 01:27:06,972
♪ We're not above birds
1157
01:27:07,098 --> 01:27:08,848
♪ Let's misbehave
1158
01:27:16,691 --> 01:27:18,281
♪ Let's misbehave
1159
01:27:26,033 --> 01:27:27,543
♪ Let's misbehave
1160
01:27:27,660 --> 01:27:32,120
♪ If you'd be just sweet
And only meet your fate, dear
1161
01:27:32,248 --> 01:27:37,208
♪ 'Twould be the great event
Of nineteen twenty-eight, dear
1162
01:27:46,637 --> 01:27:48,217
♪ Let's misbehave
1163
01:28:06,324 --> 01:28:08,244
♪ Let's misbehave ♪
90981
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