All language subtitles for Arrested Development - 04x12 - Senoritis

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

NARRATOR:High school seniors
often find themselves

in their first relationship.

How was that?

Perfecto.

NARRATOR:
This is Maeby Funke,

and during her senior year,
she was dating this boy.

His name was Perfecto Telles,

and she was rewarding him
for doing her English homework,

even though English was
his second language.

And if you do my Spanish,
I'll teach you how to French.

Everyone could see that
they had chemistry together,

but it wasn't until
Donny Richter's algebra class

that the real bonding began.

Okay, I don't want
to embarrass anyone,

so, everyone, close your eyes,
close 'em.

Now, if you passed the test,
go ahead and get up

and exit the classroom.

MAN:
Does that include the crew?

DONNY: No, the "Babies Having
Babies" crew...

- 38.
- Oh, 43,

but that's because
I'm good with numb...

Oh, no, actually it's 34.

Well, if it's dumb
to stay behind

with you, call me a dummy.

DONNY:
We don't say "dummy,"

and unfortunately
you two alge-tards

are going to need some
special tutoring.

Which is how they found
themselves

headed to the local college,

along with the other
math-challenged students.

♪ Take one down,
pass it around ♪

(all singing different numbers)

♪ ...bottles of beer
on the wall... ♪

Hey, when we get there, don't
forget you're Perfecto's woman.

I don't want to hear
about some smooth college guy

who stole you away from me.

Are you kidding me?

What kind of loser spends
his free time

tutoring high school kids?

- NARRATOR:This kind.
- Hey, you must be...

What?

George Michael?

Huh, what is this?

Maeby, what are you doing here?

(both chuckle)

As I live and breathe, I...

I thought you were the girl. I'm
supposed to tutor a kid from...

High school, yeah, that's me.

Crazy, that is just crazy.

(chuckles)

But, wait, why are you
in high school?

Didn't we graduate together
five years ago?

It was a decent question.

After all,
it had been several years

since the two high school
seniors got somewhat intimate.

You might not even be
related to us.

But later,
while fleeing the boat party,

George Michael got some advice
on the matter from his father.

She might not be
a blood relative,

but she is still family.

So, after returning, worn from
the harsh winds of the sea,

George Michael found the girl

he now had to back away from
on her back.

- Maeby, are you okay?
What are you doing? - Shh-shh.

I'm trying to get my parents
to notice me.

- I've been here for, like, an
hour and a half. - It's not me.

- It had been seven minutes.
- Do you think it would help

if I went over and said, like,
"Hey, Maeby's dead"?

- No, that would just mean
that they notice you. - Well,

obviously they've just got
a lot on their plate right now.

I mean, they're clearly busy.

♪ No, it's just
a phallus... eee! ♪

- Where's that from?
- It's from nothing.

- Why don't you cough
or something? - Oh, right,

like I'm dying.

(both coughing)

There's nothing
keeping us together.

TOBIAS: I believe
we're thinking the same thing.

- Oh, God.
- (sighs)

But, you know, I'm actually--

I'm glad to have
a moment alone with you,

because it gives us a chance
to talk about us.

You know, I really care
about you.

Oh, boy, here we go.

You want to get more serious.

And Maeby didn't, because--

and I never
told you this, but--

George Michael wasn't
a very good kisser.

It seems
he both used his tongue

to fend off
the intruding tongue,

but also laterally moved
his lower jaw

while constricting
his lower lip.

The upper lip, meanwhile,
tended to retract,

revealing an exposed area from
the front teeth to the canines,

ultimately creating
more pain than pleasure.

Really just rookie mistakes,

but all of it conspired
to make Maeby concerned

about him wanting
to get more serious.

- No, less serious.
- What?

Well, my dad doesn't think
that it's such a good idea

for you and me to be together.

And that doesn't make me
hotter to you?

No, I could see
that argument, I-I...

No, I think we should
just be cousins.

So first my parents don't notice
that I drowned,

and now my cousin doesn't care

that I'm at the height
of my sexuality.

No, sure I care, and, you know,
I'm right there with you.

We're a couple of, uh,
forces of nature, but...

- What?
- Forces of nature.

But I just really need to focus
on graduating right now,

and maybe you should, too,
you know.

Maybe that's the best way to get
your parents' attention.

That's a great idea.

I've got two whole months
to flunk.

That's got to disappoint them.

NARRATOR:
Now the story of a family

whose future
was abruptly canceled,

and the one daughter
who had no choice

but to keep her life together.

It's Maeby's
"Arrested Development."

Maeby was trying
to get her parents

to notice she was flunking...

So, for some reason they didn't
send me a cap and gown,

and I was gonna make one
out of sheets,

but I couldn't find...

...only to discover
that Maeby's graduation wasn't

top-of-mind for her parents.

They left town.

So she put her plan to put her
graduation on hold on hold...

- No, we do not need any extras.
- ...and headed off to India,

where she'd be working
at what was once

just her after-school job.

Right. Okay, do we have
to pay them in money or in rice?

If they're in the union,
you have to pay with rice.

The movie she was supervising
was the latest

in her "terrifying grandmother"

"Gangie" franchise,
this one taking place in India.

All right, I say we get
10,000 extras,

- and then that way we have it.
- We have it.

- Yeah, we have it.
- It's good to have it.

TOBIAS: I am going to start
wearing this back home.

You'd think
someone would tell her

to shave her arms,
the poor thing.

And soon,
she and her team arrived

and headed off to the hotel...

- Wait, how is it pronounced?
- "Gan-jeez."

MAEBY:
Gangie on the Ganges?

That doesn't even make sense.

...where she found out
why her mother wasn't at

the graduation
that Maeby also wasn't not at.

LINDSAY:
You don't get it.

I'm not used
to third world hotels.

No, you don't get it--
you are so full of (bleep).

Oh, you have got to be
kidding me.

Do we have a hair
and makeup crew with us?

Pretty makeup or scary makeup?

Scary.

Well, I think we have
the crew that did

The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills.

Perfect.

And that's how Lindsay
ended up receiving

- this spiritual advice.
- I'm so full of passion.

You are so full of (bleep).

Yeah, yeah.

Pull your head out of the sand.

Love is where you left it.

The only person back home
is Tobias.

You have no children?

No. Why do you ask?

Well, yes, a daughter.

She's away at boarding school
in England.

- Is that where we left it?
- Although you'd think this

- would have given her away.
- Hug?

Please don't squeeze the shaman.

And while it did bring
the family back together...

Stop with the prayer hands.

It just looks like
you're out of ideas.

...it did make it harder
for Maeby to make

this insult stick.

Don't you think it makes
you seem a little, um,

what is that saying,
full of (bleep)?

Thank you, Maeby, that's
actually a compliment in India.

- My own fault. - I'm here
because a shaman told me

that love is where I left it.

But soon, the Funkes took
their new spirit of love

and togetherness into a place
where they would seldom run

into each other,
and Maeby enrolled...

- Okay, going back to school.
- ...in a new high school

- for her senior year...
- Senior year!

No? No one cares?

This is usually
a tough time for teens.

This is when drugs
often become an issue.

...to see if her parents
would notice

she should have
already graduated.

Time for babies having babies!

Is "Babies Having Babies" on?

That's my favorite show. Ow.

Mother's Day Eve was the most
joyous day of the year.

Maeby, you're going
to be late for school.

And although they did share
one Thanksgiving together...

It's not on.

...they didn't realize
they were doing so...

Why would they preempt
"Babies Having Babies"

for a turkey cartoon?

...having celebrated it
one week earlier

when they found that duck
in the cupboard,

tried to cook it alive,
got scared, and then

ended up eating it
at a Chinese restaurant.

WOMAN:Okay, yeah,
we cook duck for you.

Nonetheless, Maeby was
doing well in school

and might have graduated
had this not happened.

LINDSAY (over machine):
Look, I'm sorry, Tobias,

but we're trying
to save something

that just couldn't be saved.

Can you delete this so I can
leave a message for Maeby?

TOBIAS (over machine):
Lindsay, I have met someone.

It's not important who it is.

Erase this message,
and I'll leave her a mess...

LINDSAY: Maeby, honey, Daddy has
insisted on raising you alone.

But at least
her father was choked up.

TOBIAS (voice breaking):
Maeby, your daddy's

not going to be around anymore.

(sighs)

(normal voice): Excuse me,
I swallowed a bug there.

Uh, your daddy's not going
to be around anymore.

WOMAN (over machine):
This is the Widow Carr,

and for some reason,
it's my job to tell you that,

since you never made payment,
your house is being foreclosed.

Also, Tobias, you got a callback

for something called
"The Big Bang Theory."

Having lost her parents

and her house, Maeby stopped
bothering with high school,

skipped her grandmother's
trial, and headed to L.A.

She now had to make sure
that she had an income.

- Guess what. I'll just tell you.
- What?

- Yeah. - 'Cause I feel
like we'll be here forever,

and I have a meeting.
Um, you're fired.

- Why? - Well, because you don't
have a high school diploma,

and we have
a very strict policy here

that everyone has to have a
high school diploma, on account

of the fact
that Ron never graduated.

- Is this really happening?
- Actually, I was thinking

I wasn't even gonna
have to fire you

'cause it's been
on Deadline all day.

MAEBY:
How did they find out?

KITTY:
Does it even matter anymore?

MAEBY:
Yeah, it does.

I told them.

NARRATOR:
With no parents, no job,

and no place to live,
Maeby had squat,

which is exactly what
she decided to do...

What?

...at her
grandparents' penthouse.

And that's when Maeby did

what we
in the entertainment industry

- call "deadlining."
- Come on.

- (ostrich clucking)
- LINDSAY: What do you think?

On the plus side,
each parent thought

- she was with the other.
- And we're not moving in;

we're occupying a space
with central air.

So Maeby was as free
as that bird.

(bleep)!

MARKY:
Cindy, you okay?

All right, this will be
where she goes.

So she retreated to
the long abandoned model home,

where she discovered
it's a lot harder to get out

of a Bluth home than into one.

Pieces of (bleep).

And maybe it was because

she had never fully
disappointed her parents,

and they were getting older,
or perhaps it was because

there was no Internet
at the model home...

That is it-- this is like
living in 1999.

...but that's when Maeby became
a high school senior

for the third time,
and then a fourth,

and then it just
sort of became what she did.

And it ultimately led to this.

So I'm still going to stay
in high school

until they notice me.

You know, just, like,
let them think,

"Oh, no, should we be worried?

- Is she really that immature?"
- Yeah.

Well, I mean, isn't it, uh,

kind of a little immature

to try and make
your parents worry like that?

Oh, that's good-- I'm gonna try
and work that in there.

Yeah-- no, I think
it's in there.

Yeah, well,
let's get you in here before

our-our third roommate shows up.
That's Paul Haun.

Hi. So there's three people
who live in here?

Yeah, well, one guy
is just kind of crashing here.

- Well, it can't be worse than
living with your dad. - It's not.

No, it's not worse than that.

And later,

- she was joined by her uncle.
- Hello.

Didn't say it was your cousin.

Now, that's smart, let him think
there's a girl in here.

Yeah, we were just complaining
about roommates.

(groans, sputters)
P-Hound.

- (George Michael chuckles)
- I thought it was the other one.

No, it-it was P-Hound, yeah.

He's the worst. See, I think if
George Michael and I didn't have

each other as roommates,
we'd be going crazy.

And for a moment, Maeby felt
superior to her cousin--

- and her uncle for that matter.
- Actually,

have you told her
about your software?

No, software?

He's got this privacy software.

Keeps people from stealing
your stuff-- tell her, pal.

Maeby tried
to hide her jealousy.

So it's privacy software
that's also antipiracy?

Do you have a way of doing this?

Well, it's just a Boolean-driven
aggregation, really,

of what programmers call
"hacker-traps..."

But as she listened
to her cousin discuss

computer technology
she had no understanding of,

she lost that feeling
of superiority,

and her self-esteem plummeted

as she started
to question the entirety

of what she had done
with her life

for the last several years.

...and they want to steal
your music and copy your movies

or-or just look at your photos--
you know, this prevents that.

It just neutralizes that
so it's not even a threat.

It's called Fakeblock.

- Great name.
- Yeah, well, you know, it's

super low-hanging fruit.
Someone's gonna do it.

We're just trying
to be those guys, you know.

I don't understand
a word of it, but it works.

You should see
his Facebook page.

Doesn't have a friend on it.

Of course, that last part

had nothing to do with
Fakeblock...

Thank you, Dad.

...but it did help
George Michael's self-esteem.

NARRATOR:
Maeby was feeling discouraged

as she got back on the bus
for high school.

Hey, you want to get high
with us behind the gym?

Wait, we don't know her.

I hear there's an undercover cop
at school.

Can you imagine
what kind of loser pretends

to be in high school
when they're in their 20s?

Well, it's pretty gutsy, right?

I mean, it's better
to take the risk, right?

- Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.

BOTH:
Cop.

Hey, how was your tutor?
He's not gonna

take you away from me, is he?

Well, not until
his software hits

and he can buy me an apartment.

I'm living in a (bleep)hole.

I hear they're hiring
at Chipotle.

And that's when Maeby realized

maybe she should have graduated
high school.

Can I get a Macallan 12 neat?

- Water back.
- I.D.?

Actually, can we make it--
uh, marry me--

a Wild Turkey?

I still need to see some I.D.

- Right. There you go.
- Thank you.

I'm supposed to believe
you're 17?

Oh, no, sorry.

That's my fake for sneaking
back into high school.

Here we go-- 23.

Oh, you're Maeby.
Well, you can have one,

but you got quite a bar tab.

MAEBY:
I got to graduate.

I mean, I got to start bringing
some cash in, you know.

- Yeah.
- Everyone's just passing me by.

George Michael, Kitty Sanchez.

CARTER:
Drinks for the house.

- (laughter)
- This guy?

These guys are making
a fortune off that

"To Entrap a Local Predator"
show they're on.

TAYLOR:
Were.

Won't let us shoot in Laguna.

Are you guys looking
for a new bait house?

And that's how
she made enough money

to at least pay
for her bar tab.

PERFECTO:
Hey, guys.

- Hey, Perfecto!
- Hey.

Isn't this guy a little
too young to be in here?

No, no, no, he's with us.

But later, when returning
from the restroom,

- she noticed this.
- BARTENDER: So, you fitting in

- over there at the high school?
- He's a cop.

BARTENDER:
They accepting you?

And as she returned to the
high school for eighth period,

even getting a diploma
seemed to be in jeopardy.

Barry?

Maeby, you scared
the be-(bleep) out of me.

What are you doing here?

Well, I could ask you
the same thing.

I go to high school here.

I could answer the same thing.

I was just looking
for something more believable.

Speaking of believable,
I was going to ask you

a question about that.

Um, can somebody get kicked out

of high school
if they're too old?

I think I was made at a bar.

I know this part of the law
very, very well.

After 21, it is illegal
for you to enroll

in high school
in the state of California.

As a matter of fact,
you cannot even lurk.

(scoffs)
"Lurk."

What, do they got
cameras in the bushes?

Why would they do that?
You can't even

see into the locker rooms
from there.

Okay, so what do I do?
Because the guy who caught me

- goes to school with me.
- Oh, well, that's easy.

You get something
incriminating on him.

Call me in the office,
we'll discuss it,

and then I can also
keep a record,

you know,
for billing and so forth.

Yeah, well, maybe I'll just keep
a record of it, too,

so I can follow up
with my own bill.

(laughs):
Oh, very good.

You should be the lawyer.
Very good. Pro bono.

Knowing that she could
very well

be kicked out of school,

Maeby went in search
of an overdue check

at the penthouse.

And as she was
checking out the mail...

- (ostrich squawking)
- Oh, my God!

...she ran into an ostrich
in heat

- that was interested
- Here, that way, that way.

in checking out the female.

And she wouldn't even
let me get a cat.

And after freeing the ostrich

to eventually find love
on the adjoining balcony,

she was back searching for
a long overdue royalty check.

In fact, it had arrived
one day earlier.

"From Gangie for facelift"?
Mother.

But she did find
that she was being honored

at an award show dedicated
to the achievements

of young people
in the entertainment business.

I'm getting an Opie?

And it did boost her esteem.

- Hey.
- The only bigger honor

would be having
an award like that

named after you, I guess.

Days later, however,

she was called
to Donny Richter's classroom.

- Hey, you wanted to see me?
- Mm, yeah.

I got you tacos.

I hope that's okay,
because you're

going to sit here
through lunch and study.

No, I can't. I can't.

Young lady, you better
pull it together

or you're not going to graduate.

What is it going to take
to get you to focus?

Are you on drugs?

Because, from what I hear,

there might be an undercover cop
at this school.

In fact,
it was an undercover cop

she was searching
for a way to incriminate.

How long do you want
to stay in high school?

- You're 17.
- And that's when she remembered

that Perfecto thought
she was 17, too.

You know what?
I think I will do better

once I get
a little Mexican in me.

NARRATOR:Maeby got her cousin
to drive her to the Opies

so she could impress him
with her achievements.

Well, I'm going to go mingle
with a bunch of 13-year-olds

who think they can still
play fifth grade.

- Have fun.
- I'll catch up.

- And Maeby ran into her old
- Oh, my gosh.

- studio boss, Mort Meyers.
- As I live and breathe.

I'm actually getting

the lifetime achievement Opie
tonight.

I'm very sorry.

- (laughs): Yeah.
- No,

they only give that award away

to somebody after they die or,

even worse,
after your career is dead.

Really?

Well, consider yourself lucky.

They told you
your career was over.

I didn't find out until I was
locked out of my office,

'cause, see,
I passed on "Hunger Games."

- Mm. - It wasn't the most
graceful of exits.

That's the way
the cookie crumbles.

This is for you.

Thanks, man.

No, actually,

the exit was pretty graceful.

I think I just remember it
that way

'cause it got dicey
when I was sneaking back in

to take a (bleep) on Sid's desk.

(grunting)

(strained grunting)

But do what I do.

When they kick you out
of the business, save face

by starting
your own Internet company.

We're having
a big announcement today.

You started an Internet company?

It's the real deal.

It's a system that automates
provisioning...

NARRATOR:And once again,
she found herself with someone

who had not only moved on
with their life,

but done so in ways
she couldn't understand.

...overseas financial
transactions.

- It's called Schnoodle.
- Schnoodle?

Take a hat;
we got 18,000 of them.

And that's when Maeby
ran into a friend

she knew from her days
at Imagine.

Rebel.

- Hi. How are you?
- In hell.

Ah, I hate the Opies.

But whenever Bryce gets
pregnant, guess who gets a call?

And you're getting the lifetime
achievement award, huh?

You know, I can laugh about it,
I can laugh

because I'm actually
on the upswing.

I was just telling Mort here

that I've actually started
my own Internet company.

I was just about to tell you.

Well, if you need a name,

I'm the guy who came up
with Schnoodle.

- How do we know each other?
- We don't.

That's what it is.

Well, Schnoodle's dead.

Fakeblock is the next big thing.

It's called Fakeblock.

What's this? You're talking...
talking about Fakeblock?

Yes. Your privacy software.

Oh. How does your privacy
software work?

- Huh? It's private.
- Yes...

Can I talk to you
for a second, please?

- Yes. - I don't want people
to know that I'm doing this.

Everybody has to know
about this, okay?

This could be big for me.

I could make Fakeblock huge.

No, no, Maeby,
there is no company.

Fakeblock is just a software
that I'm developing.

And the whole point
is that it's private.

So you can't be telling people
about it.

No, we got to tell people
about it.

I just got a lifetime
achievement award.

I'm finished.

And also,
I think you should consider

calling it "The" Fakeblock.

It's cleaner.

- Like "The Netflick."
- It-It's just not ready.

Okay, there's still a bunch
of programming problems.

You can get it ready,
George Michael.

What, you think they invite
the animals

and ask them to wait
while they build the zoo?

No, that would be a bloodbath.

Yeah, a total (bleep) bloodbath.

We have no money
to start a business.

Don't worry,
I'll get the ball rolling

with some free publicity
when I accept my award.

Come on, this could be
my only chance to be a Harris.

- A Harris?
- All right, fine.

You can still be the boss, okay?

I just don't want people to know
that I'm working with my cousin.

So, you are not my cousin.

You are not
George Michael Bluth.

I'm great with that.

In fact, you know what might
really help us sell it...

Oh, heiress. You meant...
You don't pronounce the "H."

- And that's not what heiress
means. - I pronounce the "H."

No, but that's not how
the word is...

You know, we say words the way
we say them for a reason.

So what is this?

Is this another one of these
social networking things?

Because I am so over those.

I tried to deactivate
my Facebook profile.

It's easier to get out
of Scientology.

Well, this is actually
the opposite of Facebook.

It's the antisocial network.

It prevents piracy, right?

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Rebel Alley.

George Mi... Harris.

George Maharis, huh?

And that's how George Michael
finally got that new name.

It felt like a good fit--
strong, rugged...

- Yes.
- ...untainted.

Yes, George Maharis.

- Perfecto.
- De nada.

That's my undercover
cop boyfriend.

I'm trying to get him in bed.

And Maeby set to work
in trapping him

- into becoming a predator.
- Hey. I know why you're here.

Promise me you won't tell anyone
at school.

I'm just a huge fan
of teen stars.

- Yeah. That's very convincing.
- Yeah.

You're a better actor
than most of the kids here.

- Even Zack and Cody.
- Are they here?

I thought they were filming
a movie in Maui.

Look, I may only be 17,
Perfecto,

but I know you're a cop.

Yeah, there it is,
that cop stare.

I got to tell you,
I find it very sexy.

Okay. Okay, all right.

I'm a cop.
I'm working here undercover.

We're hunting down an ex-CIA
operative named Esteves

who's gone rogue, and...

It's the kids
from "Modern Family."

Sorry.
He's become a drug kingpin

and his son goes to Newport.
There's something going down

tonight or possibly even
at Cinco and that...

Rico!

Wow, you are good.

I have to be--
young lives depend on it.

To be continued.

You better believe it.

Rico!

On her way to accept
her award, however,

figuring she wouldn't be
at an event like this again,

she stopped for
some coconut shrimp.

But narrowly missed the $50,000
check with her name on it

that her mother gave
to her grandfather...

- ...who gave it to this man.
- Got the check.

- Who gave it to this man.
- Oh, man.

- Whoa.
- Oh.

Although, in that moment,

she did gain some respect
for her mother

...a random act
of senseless nonviolence.

And perhaps that's why
she chose to share

- her problems with her.
- So, what are you doing here?

I'm getting a lifetime
achievement award

for my work
in the entertainment business.

I tried.

Tell your therapist I tried.

I'm not in therapy!

Then I must have done
something right.

And soon, she was saying
farewell to Hollywood

in a way she hoped
they'd remember.

Thank you, Kirk Cameron,

for that incredibly
Bibley introduction.

Okay, so tie yourself
to your chair,

because this is going to be
a rough (bleep) ride.

I'm leaving this (bleep)
dying business

to join the software game.

Double (bleep) newsflash.

I'm starting Fakeblock
with George Maharis,

the world's first
antisocial network.

So you know what?
You can take this Opie

and shove it up your (bleep),
all right?

Because I will (bleep) punt
the next god(bleep) (bleep)

who tells me I'm finished,
you (bleep) (bleep)hats.

So you can all
go (bleep) yourselves!

What? Sure.

Please welcome the talented
voices of Phineas and Ferb.

Go (bleep) yourself!

(bleep) you.

And although she was pursued,
she was able to shake security

when a bigger problem occurred.

- (explosion)
- Right this way, sir.

And after the explosion,
Maeby saw her mother

whoring out her principles,
and quickly lost the respect

- she had briefly held...
- I'd like that very much.

Sir, the press awaits.

...and decided to call her
on it.

Are you really gonna
whore yourself out like that?

- I am not a whore.
- Yeah, you're a whore.

As it turns out,
the exchange was

witnessed by Herbert Love's
campaign manager,

who, in possession of
a third-party check

from "Gangie IV: Face Lift,"

was looking to trade
some greenbacks for a redhead.

Ma'am, is she yours?

Unfortunately.

Herbert Love would like
to see her.

You can arrange that?

Obviously,
discretion is appreciated.

And that's how Maeby
got both the seed money

- for her company...
- I'm the discreetiest.

And just to be clear, I want
to hire her for prostitution.

Yes, no, definitely.

That was clear.
I'm gonna charge you for that.

...and became
her mother's pimp.

Of course,
the plan required getting back

into her mother's good graces
to trick her

- into turning a trick.
- Hi, sweetie.

Free... bie. Hi.

But the universe seemed
to like the plan.

And that's how Maeby was able

to get her mother
to meet Herbert

at the club
that Maeby still belonged to.

...I could never call him.

I could call him for you.

Technically, she still needed
to talk her mother

into having sex with him.

But this was a woman who once
wore this to a men's prison,

so she felt she'd be okay.

- And soon, she was pimping out
- Can you believe this?

George Michael's
software company as well.

Fakeblock-- it's exploding.

I got my P.R. company
fanning it.

I even got it to the attention
of Jim Cramer.

Jim Cramer?

He's a guy I've worked with,

and he even mentioned it
on "Mad Money."

This Fakeblock thing
is poised to explode!

I never do this, hell,
it's not even a stock yet.

For all I know,
it's not even real!

But I think this might be
going through the roof!

I'm calling it my first
"Hypothetical Buy."

(bull bellows)

And this weekend,
don't forget to catch me

on "Gangie IV."
Here's a taste.

This old lady's crazy!

I'm raising the alert level
from "Don't Leave the House"

to "Board Up Your Windows!"

Over the following days,
Maeby was able

to discreetly bring in cash
from Herbert Love

for services she got her mother
to unknowingly render.

Well, why don't you take him out
to dinner?

Hmm? Guys who are used
to being charged--

I mean in charge,

sometimes like it when the other
person takes control.

Hmm. Well, maybe I will.

How about
the Balboa Yacht Club, huh?

- Put it on the family tab.
- Of course.

All right, have fun.
I wish I could go out to dinner.

What am I doing?
This is disgusting.

I've got money coming in.

All the while putting money
into the company...

...ultimate privacy on the Web
until now.

If you don't believe me,
do a something search on it.

...and bringing in more cash
as a result--

her self-esteem growing
every day.

Soon, she had enough money

for an apartment and to set up
a Fakeblock office.

Right. Um, do you want
some stock options?

Yeah? All right, well,
split it up with everyone.

That's for everybody.

She even got George Michael
a cool retro company car.

- Hey. - Hi. You actually
rented a little office.

Yeah. I don't want you to see
it yet. Still setting it up.

With a little help from a
wealthy benefactor, Lucille 2.

- Oh, Gangie.
- No, Lucille 2.

Austero.

I don't know who that is.

You don't?

Never met the woman.

Well, she'll be the one driving
the staircar from now on.

- It was part of the deal.
- You gave her my car?

Yeah, it's technically
hers anyways,

- 'cause of the Bluth Company.
- Oh.

- But I did get you her
1988 yellow Cadillac. - Yeah?

She only uses it
to and from hip replacements.

(laughs)

I guess that's only funny
if you know who she is.

And with the extra cash,
even got around to spraying

for pests at the model home
where she was squatting.

GOB: ...that I never got from
you for the last 40 years.

Hey, so what do I owe you?

Here you go.

That's funny, I actually used
to date a guy named Steve Holt.

Ha! Steve Holt!

Yeah, that's the guy.

Oh...
(chuckles)

Although the house wouldn't
remain pest-free for long.

Heck of a birthday
this is shaping up to be.

In fact,
it was about to get worse.

And Maeby's privacy
was about to get violated...

- Why did we stop?
- We hit a bug.

...when her uncles
barged in unannounced.

I know, I know, I've got these
things very, you know,

- meticulously maintained.
- (bleep)

- There's...
- There are some vultures.

They might still smell Pete.

And she still managed
to continue

seducing Perfecto
into seducing her.

I'm like, this top is
completely see-through.

I'll put it on and show you.

I'm like, "Where am I
supposed to wear this?"

This high school senior
was working three jobs.

- Okay, buh-buh-buh-buh.
- We have to be discreet.

- And she did her jobs well.
- What? - We have to be discreet!

- Oh, right.
- And soon, it was time

for Maebyto show
George Michael the office.

(tires screeching)

Welcome!

- (Mort laughs)
- I'm a softie; I hired the guy.

He's more like a mascot
than anything.

Mort, where's my coffee?

Oh, damn. Oh, stupid Mort.

I know, it's okay, just focus.

I'm going to take the cart

and show George Michael
his new office.

Speechless, huh?

How do I get back?!

Of course, when Fakeblock hits,

we're going to have to ramp up
real fast.

This hangar can hold
over 500 nerds!

Maeby, we can't afford this.

- And my software isn't even
ready. - Don't worry about that.

Just worry about the app
being done in time

for the big public unveiling
at Cinco.

I'll get the money.

Isn't that in, like, three days?

Uh, no, that's Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco de Quatro is in two days.

But we'll be doing it on a boat,
so I hope you don't get seasick.

You're doing the keynote.

You're responsible
for all of this.

- Come on.
- Wh... No, I...

I-I... I think we, uh...

All of this.

Oh, I think we should delay
the keynote.

You know, I'd say yes,
but I don't think we can

just because of the sheer amount
of money

that you have on the hook
for it.

Maeby, you're fired!

(Mort panting)

MORT:
I got her coffee.

NARRATOR:Maeby had just lost
a big career option

when she ran into the current
squatter of the penthouse.

- Hey. Hey.
- Hey. Maeby.

Wow. What are you doing here?

I'm just here to see Lucille 2,
actually.

In fact, she was there
to see Lucille 2's

so-called foster child,
Perfecto.

...talk to you about something
very important.

Yeah, um, Uncle Michael,

I-I'm really sorry about
that whole

"voting you out of the dorm"
thing.

- You know... - You know,
we never really meant it to...

Ah, I knew it.

I knew you didn't understand it.

I knew you guys were all...

'Cause I didn't...
I don't think I explained it

very well,
and it was very, very simple.

I made it complicated.

It was a four-person vote.

You see, I voted against myself,
so that P-Hound...

And that's a way that-that
scenario would've worked out.

What I later realized is that
there was another scenario--

Maeby. That there was
another scenario,

- Yeah.
- a C scenario, scenario C,

- where you... Okay.
- I really got to get going.

- All right, but before
you do, - I got to... Yeah.

I just need your signature here
at the bottom.

Doing a movie about

- the family.
- Yeah. Is that still happening?

- What do you mean?
- I got to tell you,

I think movies are dead.

Maybe it's a TV show.

- Thank you. I owe you one.
- Yeah. No, you don't.

NARRATOR:
And now a half hour late,

Maeby went back to her plan

of seducing an undercover cop.

And that's when Lucille 2

saw a very real girl
in her imaginary boy's room.

And after,
secure that she had something

with which
to blackmail Perfecto,

she sought out a late payment
from the Love campaign

at Cinco.
As it turns out,

the Love campaign
had just taken care

of a threat of their own.

- Why can't I do this?
- And that's when

Maeby ran into her mother.

Oh, Maeby.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

I need to apologize to you.

That check
you've been looking for,

I had it.

"Had"?

It's not everything,

but here's some money.

(chuckles)
Mom, let go.

(sighs)
It's dirty money anyway.

Love gave it to me.

NARRATOR:
Maeby felt bad.

He gave you money directly?

If you can believe that.

Anyway, this is your money now,

and if you choose
to do facial reconstruction...

I mean, the nose, right?

But Maeby was more concerned

about losing
yet another income stream.

So he's trying to snake
the bottom bitch from my stable?

And more importantly,
her rep on the street.

And she knew
just who to go to about it.

He stole money from me.

He's a bully, so I want you

to "bad cop" him
for me a little, okay?

So where is this bully?

He's right there.

The little guy
with the cigarette?

No, the ripped black guy
behind him.

- Oh, right.
- Perfecto was nervous...

I just... I just didn't look
up high enough.

...but headed off
to do as told.

- Herbert Love, Herbert Love...
- And later,

after Herbert Love
didn't return,

- Perfecto did.
- Hey, did you do it?

It's taken care of.

- Oh.
- (shouting)

But that's when
the party got out of control.

- (clamoring)
- What's going on?

Guess the blowback has started.

Thank God I'm with
an undercover cop.

Pull out your gun.

I don't have a gun.

What kind of cop
doesn't have a gun?

Okay, I'm not a cop.

But I saw your badge at the bar.

In fact,
it was an anti-bullying badge.

He'd received it
from a police-run

anti-bullying program
at school.

You're never too old
to stand up to a bully.

PERFECTO:I made up
all that stuff

to impress you;
I'm just a senior.

A señor?

I'm 17.

Ha!

You're 17?

Yeah.

I'm 23.

Oh, that's a relief.

I wasn't supposed
to be driving with you.

But we messed around.

NARRATOR:
Oh, they did more than that.

(horn blows)

Don't worry; nobody saw.

Except Lucille 2.

And that's when Maeby,
who had spent so long

lying to others
and even herself,

finally had to admit
she had made a huge mis...

Oh, no, I'm fine.

...Lucille 2 becomes
less of a threat to Maeby.

...is an ongoing investigation,
we are pretty certain

that this is where
Lucille Austero landed.

It is the way she usually falls.

Are you gonna run in her place?

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
let's not bury her yet.

We are all
still holding out hope

that she is, indeed, found.

But a new threat
to Maeby emerges.

Shh. Stop it. What?

Can we at least have
breakup sex?

No, you're 17.

I'm 23-year-old woman.

If anyone found out
that we already had sex,

it would be a major felony.

Congratulations.
You got your first A.

Oh, thank God. This A is finally
gonna get me out of high school.

No, sex offender,
your A is going to jail.

You can't arrest me;
you're an algebra teacher.

Donny Richter is
an algebra teacher.

I'm Rocky Richter.

I told you there was an
undercover cop in this school.

(handcuffs clicking)

Oh, God.

I'm gonna have to live
in Sudden Valley.

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com