All language subtitles for Hacks - 5x10 - Hacks.WEB.AMZN.en

OK, so we'll do it
a couple times scripted,

and then you guys can
run through those alts

and we'll also give you a take
to just kind of improvise

and have fun.

OK, thank you so much.

Thanks, Charlie. Thanks, Money.

Hey.

Do you like this plunger
for tomorrow?

Oh, I think maybe
a wooden handle.

- Let me see what I can do.
- Thank you so much.

Christine, 1:15.

Do you want her
in the ash blonde wig

or the sunset blonde?

Ash is her
around-the-house wig.

Let's do sunset.
- Copy you.

Thank you.

I love this jacket.
I need the grip merch.

Yeah.

No running on set.

Thank you.
It looks great in there.

- Slides?
- Oh, thank you so much.

How's this?

Oh, my God, that was fast.

Perfect. Thank you.

Do you want to rehearse?

Let's just
shoot the rehearsal.

OK.

Rosie,
we're shooting rehearsal.

All right, copy that.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to day one of
"Who's Making Dinner?"

Do you want to call it?

Sure, yeah.

Sound speeds.

And...

action.

OK, here we go.

Close your eyes. Close them.
- All right, all right.

All right, they're closed,
they're closed, they're closed.

Straight.

You got it?
- Yeah.

OK, if you don't like
the placement, it can move.

All right.

And the brightness
can be adjusted.

OK, OK.
Just show me, show me.

Here it is.

Oh.

I know we decided to call it
the Kitten Heel Club,

but this just felt more right.

We can change it, though.

No, no.

It's perfect.

You did it.

You talented bastards.

I am honored to
be your employee.

Though I do need June off.

I'm going to do
the Mille Miglia.

It's an amateur
classic car race in Italy.

Amazing.

- No.
- No... no?

No problem.

I'll just drive fast here.

Happy grand opening.
And congrats on the new gig.

Thanks, babe.

OK, technically, right now,
my title is Pit Boss,

but I'm thinking of having it
officially changed to Pit Mama.

- Oh.
- Right?

'Cause that just feels
so much more me.

- Mm.
- I get that.

I gave myself a title bump
from House Manager

to Lifestyle Concierge.

- Ooh.
- Deborah didn't blink an eye.

Pretty big pay bump, too.

Yeah, she took it
out of my salary.

So without further ado,

please welcome
the diva herself,

Deborah Vance.

That's my mom!

That's my mom.

- Whoo!
- Thank you.

Thank you for being here.

First of all, I want to say

none of us would
be standing here right now

if it wasn't for the genius,
Marcus Vaughn.

This entire thing
is his brainchild

and never would've happened
without him.

And quite frankly,
a lot of things in my life

would not have happened
without him.

Thank you, Marcus.

That's my baby!

Uh, that's my baby.

Oh, whatever.

You know, a few months ago,

a young,
international rock star,

who was obsessed with me

gave me credit for bringing
residencies to Las Vegas.

He said the city needed me.

The truth is
I needed Las Vegas.

I was told I was too loud.

Too tacky, too much.

But this town embraced me
when no other place would.

There's nowhere else
in the world

that feels quite like
Las Vegas.

And for me,

there's nowhere else in
the world that feels like home.

And that is why
we created the Diva.

This is a place to be
who you really are

without shame because
this city does that better

than any other place
on the planet.

So welcome to the Diva.
Let's have a great night.

Hello, hello.

Now we're going to officially
christen this place.

No, no.
No one asked you to do that.

They don't have to.
I'm the goddamn mayor.

There we go!

Oh, God dang it.

Yeah, I'm bleeding out here.
Goddamn it.

I've hit an artery again.

Oh, that's too much blood.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God.

It's pulsing and squirting.

Get away from me!

Get away from me.

Thank you, everybody.

Sucks that we don't
get to go on the retreat.

I know.

But honestly,
I've been before

and it's, like,
not that big a thing.

You know, it's a lot
of free food and fancy drinks

and sometimes,
they bring in exotic dancers.

But you're allowed
to go back to your room

if you don't feel comfortable.

Fuck.

Hmm.
This one's for me.

Holy shit. Anthrax.
Anthrax in the building.

Someone call Homeland Security.

Are you serious, guys?
What is wrong with you?

Mm, yum.
Pixie stick dust?

It's almost as sweet
as your mom's...

Don't talk about my mom.

Oh, whoa, hey.
So stressed.

You know what you need?
A little R&R at the retreat.

No, Dan, it's...
Jimmy can't come.

The retreat's
no little bitches allowed.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jimmy.

Don't worry about it

because I am very happy
not to go.

I can finally enjoy a sandwich
and put it in the fridge

without someone texting me
a picture my sandwich

with their balls on it.

So fuck off.

Just fuck off.

Ooh, Carbone!
Martini lunch.

So excited.

Well, you can order
whatever you like.

OK, Dover sole it is.

OK, so I have amazing news.
I heard from the network.

They have, like,
no notes on the pilot.

They loved it.
- Fantastic.

Except they... they do want
the women to smile more,

but we can do that.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

So when did they decide
on a pickup?

Uh, they have,
like three months.

Oh, great.

'Cause I want us
to take that trip to Europe

sooner rather than later.

Um...

I mean, if you want to have
any authority as a boss,

you have to have eaten
real bread.

Perfect.
I'm wide open.

You OK?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

There is something I want
to talk to you about.

OK.

The mass that I had removed,

uh, it looks like
they didn't get it all.

And unfortunately, it's spread.

Oh, my God.

Yeah,
I probably shouldn't have

doubled up all those years
on the

Deborah Vance
progesterone drink packets.

That Tahitian grapefruit flavor
was divine.

OK, so what's
the treatment plan?

Well, they want
to start treatment immediately.

OK, great.
Well, I'll call Ronnie.

Let's head over there
right now.

I'm not hungry anymore anyway,
so forget lunch.

You're not gonna like
this next part.

Um, didn't love
the last part.

Honey, I'm not doing chemo.

I'm not putting myself
through that.

I get that, but don't...
don't worry, you know?

Uh, you won't be alone.

I'll go with you
to the appointments

and I'll help you
with medicine.

You know, I'll...
I'll do whatever you need.

I'm not putting you
through that.

OK, so what are you saying?

You know I like to do things
on my own terms.

OK.

I've done it all.

I just did
the best show of my life.

I broke a record.

That's why you had
to do it that weekend.

Yes.

It's not gonna get
any better than this.

I want to go out on top.

OK, so, well, yeah,
it's a high for your career,

but...

Look, if anyone can
beat anything, it's you, OK?

And you said it yourself.

You're gonna live
till you're 109.

I'm not.

And I want to call
my own light.

At the end of the trip,

I plan on taking the train
from Paris to Zurich.

There's a place there
called Dignitas.

Is that one of those
assisted suicide places?

Oh, not one of.
It's the best one.

But yes.

Listen, Deborah, um...

I'm sure this is really,
really, overwhelming.

And I'm so sorry that
you're going through this,

but I think you're not
thinking straight, OK?

This is crazy.

Actually, it's not.

Comedians have
a long, rich history

of taking our own lives.

That's... your whole thing
is beating the odds.

This is so not you.

It is.

And I want you to come with me.

We'll have
a fabulous vacation first.

Then you can go shopping.

You can use my suitcase
on the way home.

- Stop. That's not funny.
- Oh, you...

you joke about killing yourself
all the time.

I'm kidding.

Oh, suddenly,
you're sensitive about it?

You can walk the walk,
but you can't

swallow the pills?
- Jesus Christ.

You can tie the noose,
but not kick the chair?

- Stop.
- Sorry.

But I do want you
to come with me.

Will you?

No.

No, I'm not gonna be
a part of this.

And you're not doing this.

Ava.
Ava, lower your voice.

Oh, my God.

You brought me here

so that I wouldn't scream
at you, didn't you?

You know, I knew
something was up when

you said you wanted
to go on vacation,

but I didn't realize this was
a fucking suicide mission.

No.
I'm not going.

Ava.

- No.
- Ava...

No.

She won't even
consider treatment.

OK? She's being insane.
I can't get through to her.

I-I-I want power of attorney,
OK?

Is that what Britney's dad had?
I-is that what it's called?

- Uh, I don't know, but...
- No, no, no.

There's something wrong
with her brain.

I-I need a tranq gun.

I need to shoot her in the neck
with a tranq gun

and get her into chemo
before she wakes up.

Jimmy, how you can facilitate?

OK, just take a breath.

Listen, this is awful.

But it's Deborah.

You're not gonna
change her mind.

And you're not gonna shoot her
in the neck with a tranq gun.

OK, well,
can you talk to her, please?

I already have.

What do you mean, you have?

I talked to her and I tried to,

but I couldn't
convince her.

This is what she wants to do.

It sucks, but I think
we have to respect it.

I can't believe you knew.
Why didn't you tell me?

She asked me to get her
affairs in order, so I did.

And she asked you
to go with her.

So I think if you can,
you should.

And try and make it
a good trip.

A good trip?

How could a suicide-themed
vacation be good?

She's gonna die.

We're all gonna die.

The whole point is
to try and enjoy the time

we have together.

She's not dead yet
and neither are you.

What if... what if I just
chloroform her on the plane

and re-route it
to Johns Hopkins?

She basically did the same
thing to me in Singapore,

so there's a precedent.

Look...

Ava, it's...
it's her body, her choice.

How dare you
turn that around on me!

I'm sorry.

But I think if you go, at least
she won't be facing this alone.

I...

I don't think I can.

Yeah.

I-I understand that too.

I have to go.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Ah.

Oh.

- What's up?
- Hey.

We need to talk.

All passengers
for flight 2217 to Paris,

please report to the gate.

Ms. Vance,
we're ready to board.

Thank you.

I'll come to Europe.

But please don't kill yourself.

I'm gonna kill myself.

OK, I'll still come.

Should I give you two
a second?

No, we're ready.

But you have to do
hard drugs with me.

Probably molly.

OK, sweetie.

We can do an eight-ball if...

if that'll make you
feel better.

- Excusez-moi.
- Bonjour.

Um, where are
the rental car desks?

- Straight down on your left.
- Ah.

We're renting a car in Paris?

Oh, someone's become a snob.

Yes, we're renting a car
in Paris.

Someone needs to learn
how to drive a stick.

No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.

Deb... Deborah, I... no.

No, you're doing great.

OK, OK!
Depress! Depress!

Why are you trying
to teach me French

when you're trying
to teach me a car?

What?

Why did you bring me
to the biggest roundabout

in the city, Deborah?

It's not funny!

Just keep turning.

You wanna kill yourself.
I wanna live!

Help! Help! Help!

Exit here.

Why am I in
the rough draft of a car?

I told you.

God.
OK, you're right.

I never have had real bread
until now.

You're welcome.

That is so crazy.
I literally...

Don't talk with food
in your mouth.

Sorry.

This one's for your face.
The other box is for your neck.

Different cream
for face and neck?

What are you gonna do
without me?

OK, and this third thing,

you're gonna have to squeeze
that into a toothpaste tube

before you get on the plane,

'cause it's illegal
in the States.

Ah, Vincent.

"Starry, Starry Night."

Van Gogh is toxic.

Cutting your ear off
and sending it to someone

is so anti-consent,
I cannot even imagine it.

It's like, she said no.

She said no.
You're sending ear?

He was not well.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Can we please
go on that, please?

It's my dying wish.

You're dying and it's my wish.
- Oh, my God.

Come on!

Whoo!
- Ah!

Whoo!

Oh, I'm awake. Sorry.

Anyway, yeah.

What we're doing here
is considered work?

Yeah.

Fantastic.

Michael,
we need to talk to you.

Man, I'm about to

deliver the keynote address
to the entire company.

What?
- We know you've been

selling the voice and likeness
of deceased clients

to AI companies
without the family's consent

and keeping the money.

- Me?
- Yeah.

I ran into Gene Altman's widow
at the pickleball club

and it tipped me off
and I started digging.

Jimmy tracked down
over $10 million

that you billed
and kept for yourself.

Not only were you stealing
from the clients' families,

you were stealing
from Latitude!

Clerical error.

Oh, OK.

Well, I'll just call the board.
I'm sure they'll understand.

Put it on speaker, Jimmy.
I want to hear 'em.

All right, stop.

Don't touch his phone.
It's new.

How much do you want?

No money.

We want the one thing
that means something...

the Schaefer name.

Remember?
You said that the other day.

We want Latitude.

Step down
and hand over the reins

to the children
of the founders.

You're fired.

You see, now you are
a disgruntled former employee

with a chip on his shoulder
and no proof.

Who you probably shouldn't
have put in the mail room

because it gave me a lot
of access to invoices

and way too much access

to the entire
billing department, really.

What do you want
your legacy to be,

a disgraced manager who can't
even show his face in Mr. Chow

for fear of seeing
an angry widow,

or an all-time great who
retired when his career peaked?

So you can either
accept our terms

or we will be going public
with your stinky behavior.

You want the company?

Yeah.

Well, fuck it.
It's yours.

Take it.

Yeah, I mean,
the whole industry's

going in the shitter anyway.

I mean, that's why
I had to do all of this.

- You have three homes.
- Yeah.

And you know what the monthly
carry is on all that shit?

Then unload one,
you greedy fucker.

You know what?

I am so sick of listening
to your socialist bullshit.

You're on in ten minutes,
Mr. Schaefer.

Oh, great.

You think if I sign
a little piece of paper

that it's suddenly gonna
make you the big boss?

You think those people
are gonna respect you?

Well, they don't.
They never have.

They never will.
Ten minutes, huh?

These two are gonna speak.
- Wait.

Well, we don't need to speak,
actually.

We can email them.

No, no, no, no, no.
No, no.

If you buy the horns,
you get the bull.

Sir, I only have
one other headset.

Doesn't matter.

They barely have
one functioning brain

between the two of them.

Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.

I might as well
get right to it.

This year's keynote will be,
um, a bit different.

It's going to be shocking
to some of you, but

I'm stepping down.

What?

The time is right and, um,

the, uh...
the future of this company

will be in the hands
of my successors.

You all know them well.

My spirited daughter,
Kayla Schaefer,

and her unrelenting
business partner,

Jimmy LuSaque, Jr.

So...

The fuck?

I'm sure that
you will be in great hands

with these two kids
at the helm

in our
constricting industry.

Good luck.

Hello, Latitude.
How we doing tonight?

New era loading.

Is this a fucking joke?

Seriously?

How the fuck are
we gonna survive

with these two idiots
in charge?

By...

By doing good work.

- Gay.
- Oh, my God.

Fuck this.
We're going to Mosaic.

OK.

Oh, it's stuck on my sideburn.
- You know what?

Anybody else who thinks
doing good work is "gay"

can just leave.

Seriously?

Jesus Christ.

OK, come on.

Well, get the fuck
out of here!

Go suck my dad's dick!

We don't need employees, OK?
- We... we do, we do.

And you know what?
Michael's right.

This industry is constricting,
OK?

Our business is changing
faster than a...

Cougar.

Sure, our... our...
our business is changing

faster than a cougar.

And we need to change, too.

You know,
we probably can't have

Sugarfish for lunch anymore.

Really?

It's just sushi.
Guys...

We can have
Sugarfish Fridays.

No, we can't have
Sugarfish Fridays.

We could have
Sugarfish Tuesdays.

It's not about
the day of the week.

It's about
not having Sugarfish.

It's so expensive.
- We will get a

Whole Foods platter of sushi
once a month.

Fine, we're gonna get
a Whole Foods platter.

Once a month, guys.

And if that makes you want
to leave, you can go.

But you should stay

if you want to get back
to doing the thing

that got you into this business
in the first place...

representing artists and
helping them to do great work.

Because even in
an ever-changing world,

there's one thing
that won't change,

and that's people
wanting great stories.

But guess what?

We get to find those
storytellers and empower them.

So if that sounds
good to you,

then you should stay

and be a part of the new
mid-sized Latitude.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

- OK.
- Whoo!

OK.

I'm gonna crowd-surf.

No, no, no, no, no.
Don't... don't crowd-surf.

- No, don't crowd-surf.
- They want me to.

This flea market is my
favorite place in the world.

We'll do one big circuit and
then we'll circle back around

to look at things of interest.

But just stay cool, you know?

Don't show too much enthusiasm
for anything.

Not to worry.
I'm not really an antiques guy.

These are not
merely antiques.

These are all works of art.

I mean, every object
has a story

and not even you
on your most cynical,

lowest serotonin morning
can resist their magic.

OK, feel like I'm about to

meet the teapot
from "Beauty and the Beast."

Oh, God, these are fabulous.

Look, look.
Are those not fabulous?

- That is so you.
- Yeah, but...

no, but I don't have pierced
ears, I can't wear this.

What do you mean
you don't have pierced ears?

You know I don't have...
I have virgin earlobes.

Piercing your ears is barbaric.

Oh, that's cool.

Oh, that's beautiful.

It's a bridal box, I think.
Ask how much it is.

Oh.

Ah.

1,600.

Oh, wow.

Offer half.

What?
No, that's insulting.

No, it's not.

No, you've just got
an opening offer.

An opening offer
is never final.

This is standard.
It's part of the fun.

OK, just stay calm
and unemotional.

Offer him half.

And be prepared to spit.

Uh...

Oh, no, no, no.

No, no. sorry.
I... I can't do it.

No, it's... it's too much.

We... we can't do it.

It's too much.
- Thank you so much.

Sorry, sorry.

So sorry.

Now just wait.

OK, OK, OK.

1,000.

It's a deal.

All right.

Ooh.

Meissen salt and
pepper shakers.

Oh, yeah. See?

The crossed swords
on the bottom,

that's their signature.

And these are
probably 18th-century.

They are 400 for the pair.

Oh, that... that's actually
a very good price.

You should get them.

Not today.

Thank you.
- You're welcome.

This is insane.

I cannot believe
you bought out the Louvre.

Private viewing was
the only option.

I'm dying soon.

And I'll tell you one thing
I'm not doing,

waiting in line.

Though perhaps
waiting in line

is the most human
experience of all,

and that's the most important.

You know, here's some advice.

After I'm gone,
stop saying stuff like that.

Will consider.

Hello, nurse.

Look at them thangs.

Honk, honk.
- Oh, Jesus.

Sorry.

Fabulous.

Why'd this pop?

I'm sorry?

She's kind of mid, no?

The "Mona Lisa" is mid?

No disrespect.

I mean, it's way better
than I could do.

I'm just saying
I don't totally get

how she became, like,
that girl.

You know?

I defy you to find
anything more beguiling

anywhere else in Paris.

Lady, what beguiles me
would make you sick.

Oh, I'd wear that.

Going out top right there.

Jester, me.

Oh! She has rosacea.

So does she.
- Oh, please.

That's what I look like.
No question about it.

Oh, my God.
OK, I love this.

When two busted people
are in love,

it's extra romantic
'cause you know it's real.

She loves her freaky-ass man
for who he is.

This was painted
by Judith Leyster.

She signed it there, JL.
- Oh, yeah.

But it was attributed
to Frans Hals.

But she went along with it
'cause she knew that

it would only be judged
on its merit

if people thought
it were painted by a man.

Hmm.

Do you ever think
about how your comedy

would have been
judged differently

if you weren't a woman?

Sure.
Sometimes.

But I still did it, you know?

I had the career.

Even if I had to be
a female comedian.

Yeah.

OK.

Should we head to the hotel
for some disco naps?

Why do we need a nap?

'Cause we're going out
dancing tonight, Miss Thang.

Remember?
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, and, uh,
I get to dress you.

- What?
- Yeah.

- That wasn't part of the deal!
- It is now.

No, no.

Now this is
pretty beguiling.

Yeah.

Right there is where
Marie Antoinette

got her head chopped off.

Cool.

That's gotta hurt.

Definitely.

Well, time for me
to go to sleep.

Goodnight.

Hmm, you're up early.

Yeah, I didn't sleep.
You know...

Kelly Ripa's day is done
and yours hasn't started,

you're in trouble.

What's all that?

Oh, you know,

I didn't think
a hotel this luxurious

that caters
to generational wealth

would even have
a business center

for the toiling proletariat,

but it's actually quite nice
and the printer's fast.

Cool.

So, um,
I've been doing research

and there have been
a lot of advancements

in the last two years alone
in treatment.

Ava, I told you,
I'm not doing that.

Yeah, well, there...
there are, um,

some interesting
clinical trials

on some new experimental drugs
that I can...

Oh, my God, clinical trials.

So they can find more
off-label benefits for men.

I don't want to be
a guinea pig

where I waste away and then
my doctors come to find

that the meds help 90-year-olds
keep their erections.

Absolutely not.

OK, well, uh, you know,
traditional treatment is...

- You know, I...
- Is...

For someone who's
always saying listen to women,

you're having
a hard time hearing me.

I'm not doing treatment.

That was your opening offer.

The opening offer's
never final.

- Mm.
- How 'bout this?

You do three rounds
of treatment,

see how you feel,
see how it progresses,

and then if the results
aren't positive, you can stop?

No.

OK.

One round of treatment.

Just to see how you feel.

That's the thing.

I feel good right now.

I feel fine.

I... I... I... I don't feel sick
and I don't want to.

It's the medicine
that makes you feel sick.

Well, yeah, but it's not
the same for everybody.

And... and don't...
don't knock it till you try it.

It's not some exotic food
or some new sex position.

I don't want to get weak.

I... I... I don't want
to lose my hair.

You wear a wig already.

They sell it
at Halloween stores.

I don't want to waste away.

I don't want to be
remembered like that.

You won't be remembered
like that.

I won't remember you like that.

My...

my friend, Gino, from
"Who's Making Dinner?"

He was so funny.

So full of life.

Guess what?
I don't remember him like that.

I can't get the image of him
being sick out of my head.

That's different.

Even with
traditional intervention,

the survival rate is 40%.

You are a fighter!

If anyone can beat this,
it's you!

I'm tired of fighting.

This is what I want.

Of course it is.

Everything's about you!

You know,
there are a lot of people that

you should be thinking about
right now besides yourself!

Ava, honey.
Please don't do this.

No, you! Please!

Please.
Please, don't leave me.

Pl... please.

I'm sorry.

Merci.

I hate this.

But I'll support you.

Thank you.

How am I gonna do it
without you?

You'll be OK.
You're a big, brave girl.

Oh...

Speaking of big, uh,
I have to show you something.

What?

What?

Your hand... your hands
are bigger than mine?

- Mm-hmm.
- Are you... are you kidding me?

This entire time?

Are you kidding me?

Deborah!

I can't believe
you never noticed!

What?

That's...
they're much bigger than mine.

They are much bigger.

God damn it.

I considered
hand reduction surgery.

That was a good one!

I knew they were normal.

Hey, how are you?

Hi, Michelle.
Hey.

Good to see you.

Good morning, Mr. LuSaque.

Uh, we turned over
your office this weekend,

so let me know if there's
anything else you need.

Thank you, Silas.
And please call me Jimmy.

OK.

And you can call me
Ms. Schaefer.

Where's my office?

Uh, you'll be
taking over your dad's.

Follow me, Ms. Schaefer.

Oh, Randy, uh,
this is your desk.

Fantastic.

Jimmy!

Jimmy, help!

What... what's going on?
Are you OK?

I really
shouldn't be in there.

The corner office is so small.
I can't even breathe.

I think there's asbestos
or something in there.

I'm, like, itchy and it's
really, like, claustrophobic.

It's the largest office
in the building.

It's just not gonna work.

Plus, for our workflow,
I need to be able to see you

and you need to be able
to see me,

so I'll take my old desk.

I think you might be right.

I think you should
take your old desk.

Well, where the hell
am I gonna go?

You can have
the corner office.

That's what I'm talking
about, the corner office!

My God, I've been in
this business two years.

Didn't know my ass from
my elbow, and look at me now.

Corner office, baby.

I don't know what
everybody complains about,

it's so hard to make it.

It's a cinch to make it
in this business.

Bunch of losers.

Well, well, she's happy.

- Mm.
- You're my assistant now.

Latitude, Kayla Schaefer,
President speaking.

Could I, um, put you on hold?

Bob Lipka is on
the phone for you.

Um, OK.

You have Jimmy.

- Hey, Jimmy. It's Bob.
- Hello, Bob.

Listen, I saw your
Fatty Arbuckle movie at Toronto

and I loved it.

We'd like to talk
about distribution.

Uh, sure.

Yeah, I can definitely
take that to the team.

Oh, and your mom was
fantastic in it, by the way.

Oh, thank you.
Wasn't she great?

Yeah. So I'll have my BA
send something over.

OK, great.
Well, I guess we'll talk soon.

- Very soon!
- Kayla!

What?
Still kind of mad at him.

So, um...

what are you gonna ask
if you get to,

you know, meet your maker?

My plastic surgeon?

Ha.
No, really.

In 1980, Burt Reynolds called
me and I called him back,

but he never returned.

What was that about?

That's what you wanna know?

I pretty much have
everything else figured out.

In fact, I think He or She,

or, you know, They/Them

might have some questions
for me, actually.

They/them?

OK, non-binary God.
Love.

Well, I meant
more of an energy.

I... I don't think
there's gonna be

a gender-fluid barista waiting
for me at the pearly gates.

That's too bad.

I'd love a matcha
when I get there.

Hey, are you done with that?

- Yeah, yeah, go for it.
- Ooh.

Wow.

That's the best part of dying

for a person
with disordered eating

is having a second croissant.

Actually,
the best part of dying

is not having to save receipts

because you know you will
never get audited again.

Actually, I think
the best part of dying

is knowing how pissed people
are gonna be when they realize

how much money
you left your dogs.

But the worst part of dying
is that I don't get to see

how my corgis decide
to spend that 550,000.

OK, I'm gonna run to the
bathroom before we board.

- OK.
- OK, I'll be right back.

OK.

Hey.

The line for our train's
really crazy.

We gotta get going.
Come on.

Excusez-moi.
Excusez-moi.

Ava! Ava, wait.

Excusez-moi.
I'm sorry.

Ava. Excusez-moi.

Ava, stop.
Stop, stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop.

What? What?

The worst part about dying

is I can't even enjoy
being bone thin.

That's the better joke!

Yeah, that is
the better joke.

Shit.

- What?
- God.

Deborah, we gotta go.
What?

I may not have 30 years.

But I think
I have another hour.

What are you saying?

God damn it.

Will you help me write it?

Of course.

Yeah, so she talked
to Dr. Cole

and she's gonna start treatment
on the 21st.

Ugh, I'm so relieved.

I know.
Me, too.

You know,

I think you saved her life
once, so

makes sense you'd do it again.

Love you.
Gotta go. Bye.

OK.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

Or maybe it's,
I was born for this.

I don't eat,
I have a closet full of wigs,

and I love being waited on.

Or... or, I don't eat,
I have a closet full of wigs,

and I love experimenting
with injectables.

Good.

Or, or, or, or,
I don't eat,

I have a closet full of wigs,
and I love attention.

Oh, better, better, better.