All language subtitles for 322de_322en_final

It's 3 .15 p .m. and it's time for...
The Zeitventil with Bill McNeil. That's

right. Welcome, friends, to The
Zeitventil with Bill McNeil. I'm Bill

you're probably wondering what I can
offer you today.

Hey, good question.

Indeed, a good question. And our
producer, the flotter Lisa Miller, has

again invited a highly interesting
guest.

It is the representative director of the
Manhattan Transit Commission.

Please welcome Kevin Sparks. Thank you
for coming, Kevin.

Thank you for the invitation.

Hey, let's get started.

Also, ich persönlich benutze niemals
öffentliche Verkehrsmittel. Ich bewege

lieber in Taxis fort. Wenn ich genau
nachdenke, war ich nicht mehr in einer U

-Bahn oder einem Bus seit mindestens
sechs Jahren. Also, was ist denn so los

den stinkenden U -Bahn -Waggons und den
überfüllten Bussen heutzutage? Was

ist... Nun,

in den vergangenen sieben Jahren hat der
öffentliche Nahverkehr beträchtliche

Verbesserungen erfahren, die
unbestreitbar sind. Wir haben

wird weiblich ernsthaft, Sir, aber das
ist Amerika.

und ich gebe mein Leben für Ihr Recht
auf beschönigende Angaben.

Die Züge sind zuverlässig und sauber.
Sie fahren wieder pünktlich und, wissen

Sie, am besten machen Sie sich selbst
einmal ein Bild von den Verbesserungen.

Danke, aber danke nein, Kevin.

Weiter in 90 Sekunden mit mehr von...
Ganz genau.

Sie ahnen es. Mehr von... Das Zeitventil
mit Bill McNeil. Wo gehen Sie hin? Wir

sind noch nicht fertig.

Doch, das sind wir. Warten Sie, Mr.
Sparks. Es tut mir leid.

Thank you very much.

I'm Bill McNeil.

Lassen wir es starten. Gut, ich kümmere
mich darum. Nein, nein, nein, nein,

nein. Ich habe den Schrott genehmigt und
ich bade es auch aus.

Soll ich das wirklich nicht erledigen?
Wenn Bill und Lisa zusammen ihre Energie

einsetzen, dann springt ihre
Überredungskraft auf das Fünffache.

Nein, Dave, wirklich. Ich befürworte
ihre Drachen - und Schwertermethode im

Büromanagement. Aber ich habe meine
neunschwänzige Katze zu Hause vergessen.

sage es Ihnen einfach. Ist gut.

Gott mit dir, edler Recke.

Das Zeitmantel mit Bermudin.

Thank you very much.

These are empty sheets.

Yes, I know. I needed a curtain to come
in and talk.

Dave, I need a personal advice, but it's
very personal.

What is it?

Do you know Irene?

Irene and I have been going out together
for about three months. Is this Irene

the girl that everyone thinks you
invented so you have something to talk

Yes, exactly.

And? Do you have? What?

Ob sie erfunden ist? Nein. Sie
existiert, es gibt sie wirklich.

Na gut. Ehrlich gesagt, überlege ich,
dass ich vermutlich den großen Schritt

wagen muss.

Warte mal, soll das heißen, du willst
heiraten?

Nein. Was dann, zusammenziehen?

Nein.

Ihr sagen, dass du andere imaginäre
Frauen triffst?

Hey, mach ihr doch den Drachen.

Dicht, dicht, dicht. Na, was denn nun?
Ich glaube, dass es vermutlich an der

Zeit ist, für uns den Weg zu Ende zu
gehen.

Ja, sicher. Das ist natürlich eine...
Das ist natürlich eine ernste

in einer solchen Beziehung. Aber wenn du
das Gefühl hast, der Zeitpunkt stimmt

und wenn es für sie auch richtig ist...
Ich hab das aber noch nie gemacht, Dave.

Entschuldige, was? Ich bin Jungfrau.

Das ist lächerlich. Ich weiß.

Ich... Unvorstellbar. Ich weiß.

Selbstverständlich hatte ich
Möglichkeiten.

Tausend Möglichkeiten.

Ich wollte da einfach nichts
überstürzen. Du bist 28, 40 und halb.

Kannst du dir das mal kurz anlegen?
Entschuldige, im Moment nicht,

Wir besprechen was Persönliches. Nein,
nein, das ist schon okay.

Ja, ja, komm rein und mach die Tür zu.
Wie du meinst, komm rein.

Was ich euch erzähle, das bleibt in
diesem Raum. Das meine ich ernst. Okay.

Ich bin Jungfrau.

Nein, bist du nicht.

Doch bin ich.

But you've always told me such great
stories about your little... No, no, no.

invented them so I can talk to you at
lunch.

Well, the most important thing is that
we treat you all absolutely trustfully.

Matthew is very sensitive about that and
we should... Matt, can you come in?

I'm calling.

What do you want?

I'm a virgin.

You're a virgin?

Here and now.

We'll talk later, Mom. Someone here is a
virgin.

You'd like that.

What?

Huh? Huh?

Wir machen gerade Brainstorming, was die
Sendung angeht. Tja, ich mache mir

Sorgen wegen der Quoten. Das ist wohl
angebracht. Ich weiß, was Sie denken.

Toll, das Konzept.

Dankeschön. Toller Moderator. Sehr
freundlich. Wo bleiben die tollen

Fragen Sie es mir.

Good,

good,

good. The problem is, I thought the show
would be entertaining and interesting,

but unfortunately it's just boring.

It works.

It works?

What? What works?

Our little plan.

Wow,

wow, wow, wow.

We have a special guest. Who do you have
in mind? No idea.

Someone famous, of course.

Do you know famous people?

Once I was in a taxi with Mike Dukakis.

It was a nice story.

Yes, you've told that 50 times, Bill.
But that doesn't help us here.

Got it.

How about Jerry Seinfeld?

Do you know him?

No, just on TV.

And he's sitting there, behind.

Oh, my God.

That's really Jerry Seinfeld.

Hey,

did Edward R. Murrow go through an agent
when he interviewed whatever famous

person he interviewed?

And how does your girlfriend feel about
your virginity? Oh, she doesn't know.

Really? She does not know. In fact,
every time we get close to the act, I

to pretend I can't get my pants off.

And she buys them?

Well, last night, she managed to
actually get my pants off, and I had to

run out of the apartment.

Hey, Jerry, how are we doing?

We're doing fine.

Glad to hear it, glad to hear it. I'm
sorry, I can't remember your name.

Oh, Bill. Bill McNeil, I'm sorry.

Don't be.

We've never met.

You like this, don't you?

Like what?

Talking to me, which raises an
interesting point. I do a little radio

here in Manhattan. Maybe you've heard of
it, The Real Deal with Bill McNeil.

As a matter of fact, I haven't. Oh, come
on, Jerry. Don't be modest.

Anyhoo, a really big guest canceled on
us today, which leaves me in sort of a

tight spot.

Listen,

Phil. Bill. Bill.

I'd really like to help you out, but I'm
not really doing any press right now.

Great! Then I'll bet you have plenty of
free time.

You know, no offense, Bill, but I've
kind of gotten burned by people like

Well, not like you.

Come to think of it, exactly like you.

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.

This isn't Good Morning, Bumwad County
with Cindy Lee and Melvin. We're talking

about the real deal with Bill McNeil.

Oh, I see. I thought it was Good
Morning, Bumwad County. But we're

about... The real deal with Bill McNeil.
Right. That's a completely different

story. Then you'll do it. No.

Can I talk to you for a second? Sure.

Okay, don't tell anybody this, but...
Well, I'm a virgin.

I know.

You told me half an hour ago.

Oh.

Right. Well, mom's the word. Oh, damn,
and you know how I love to gossip.

Virgin.

Oh, Mr. James, guess what? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, you already told me. You must have

tremendous willpower.

Yeah.

You're not a member of some kind of cult
or something, are you?

Maybe you should think about joining
one.

28 -year -old virgin, you could probably
start your own, huh?

Dude, how could you possibly still be a
virgin?

Believe me, it was not easy.

I just... I don't know. You know what I
did? I made a conscious decision to just

save myself and... Well, after all, it
is my most precious gift.

Hey, you remind me not to ask for any
Christmas presents, all right?

You ever even make out with a chick?

Yeah.

Tons of times. I mean, I've had some
sex. I just haven't had final sex.

Come close, just not all the way.

How close?

I have no idea what that means.

Well, that clears it up.

Oh, my God, I don't believe it. I'm
sorry, is there any way that I could get

autograph? It's my pleasure. What's your
name? Not you, him.

Oh, my God, I can't believe it.

The Bill McNeil of the one and only real
deal with Bill McNeil.

The real deal with Bill McNeil.

Who should I make this out to, Lisa?

Um, well, Lisa would be fine.

Excuse me, Jerry. Dirty calls.

There you go. Keep listening. Oh, thank
you, thank you, thank you, sir, for

making this the greatest day of my
entire life. You two are pretty

aren't you?

I will do anything, anything you ask.
Just name it.

Well, for starters, you can take your
hand out of my salad.

Sorry.

Don't be.

Happens all the time.

Can I borrow your napkin? No.

Look, I'm sure Irene appreciates you for
who you are.

Who am I?

A guy who maybe isn't quite ready for
sex yet, and that's fine. Really, it is.

You're probably right.

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi.

Dave, this is Irene, my girlfriend.

Guys, this is the guys. This is Irene.

Hi, guys.

I said, hi, guys.

Hi, Irene.

You don't even have to leave the table.
We can pre -tape it right here.

How do I know you guys aren't going to
chop it up later and make me look like

idiot? Oh, come on, Jerry, you know me.

Again, Bill, no, I don't.

Mr. Seinfeld, this is not a gossip show.
Okay, what we're going for is serious,

insightful, thought -provoking radio
journalism.

We'll get into some serious issues, you
know, mix it up a little. Look, I'm a

comedian. Nobody cares what a comedian
thinks about serious issues.

I don't even care what I think about
serious issues.

Yes, but I'm sure people out there would
love to know what you think about, say,

Medicaid realignment.

I have no opinion on Medicaid
realignment. I don't even know what

realignment is. Okay, then another
topic.

No, I'm serious. What is Medicaid
realignment?

Who cares what it is? Okay, what about
if you picked a topic?

I don't want to pick a topic. Come on,
just for fun.

The federal deficit.

Perfect. The federal deficit. What do
you think of the federal deficit?

It seems a little big.

So the great actor is suddenly a great
economist. Please enlighten us.

What is he doing? What are you doing?

Mixing it up. Come on, let's get on it.

Did he always like that? I don't, I have
not. I just met him yesterday.

That is my coffee.

Thanks.

That's good, isn't it?

I just don't know what to do.

Dude, there is a very specific way you
handle a girl like that.

Yeah, how's that? You get down on your
hands and knees and you beg her to have

sex with you.

You know, Matthew, Joe's right. I mean,
men get down on their hands and knees to

beg me to have sex with them, and I
don't even look like that.

Men have to get down on their hands and
knees just to talk to you face to face.

Stop pressuring me.

Boy looks a little tense, Dave. I don't
know. Considering he hasn't had sex in

28 years, I think he's remarkably
relaxed.

Interesting.

Let me ask you this.

Is your finger in my water?

Sorry.

Let's discuss that.

How did you even do that?

What are you saying?

Well, before I became a comedian, I had
a lot of odd jobs, different things that

I would do. Excuse me, sir.

You all finished with this? Yeah, thank
you.

What kind of jobs did you have? Can I
get you another drink?

Uh, no, I'm fine, thanks.

Well, a lot of different things. How
about you, sir? What?

Are you all done with that?

No.

Where did you work again?

Like I said... How about you, ma 'am?
More coffee for you? Excuse me.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm
attempting to interview a major

Hollywood star.

Bill, the guy is just doing his job
while I'm just trying to do my job.

Well, there are better ways to do it.

You should apologize to him.

I'll toss him a couple of bucks when
we're done.

You're really starting to tick me off.

See? We're mixing it up here, just like
I told you. Now, this is great stuff.

No, it isn't. Now, drag your sorry ass
over there and apologize to him.

Did you just kick me?

Are you insane?

Maybe I should be asking you that
question.

Yes, I'm insane.

I'm nuts, Bill.

And if I was that waiter, I'd come over
here and beat the hell out of you.

Gentlemen. I'm going to have to ask you
to lower your voices, please. Hey, I'm

on your side.

Just lower your voice, okay, Mr.

Seinfeld?

Oh, screw this.

You heard the man. Beat it!

All right, that's it. No more questions.

I'm out of here.

And don't stiff him on the tip.

I'm not paying all of this. No, we'll
take care of the check, Mr. Seinfeld.

You know what? I don't want to owe you
anything. How much is it?

All I had was an appetizer.

You had an appetizer and a cappuccino. I
didn't have a cappuccino. Well, who had

the cappuccino? I... Admit nothing. Too
late.

You almost got away with it, didn't you?
But you cracked under the pressure,

didn't you?

Didn't you?

Oh, you're both just so aggravating.

I think we got it.

Just between you and me, I made my
decision.

Oh, great, great. What is it?

Well, that's personal.

And I think both of us know who should
be the first to hear it.

Yes. Everybody, I have decided not to
have sex.

Well, that's a decision only you can
make. And by that I mean that is a

that only you could make.

Thanks. There you are, baby.

Oh, Irene.

We need to talk. Okay.

Privately. Yo,

Phil! Phil!

So, uh, who's the special guest?

Jerry Seinfeld. Get out of town. Really?
We pre -taped it. Let's hear it.

We can't air that.

Don't worry, I did some editing, took
care of all the bad parts.

Bill, I don't like those bad parts.

I know.

WNYX News Time, 315.

And now, here's The Real Deal with your
host, Bill McNeil.

The Real Deal with Bill McNeil.

Hello, I'm Bill McNeil. What you're
about to hear is one of the most

and provocative interviews ever put on
tape.

They call Jerry Seinfeld the nicest guy
in Hollywood.

Fact or fiction?

Is it a case of too much too soon or too
little too late?

Listen and judge for yourself.

What kind of jobs did you have? Screw
this. No more questions.

Jerry, I'm just trying to do my job.

Well, there are better ways to do it.
Maybe. Bill, you're really starting to

tick me off. Why is that, Jerry?

I'm nuts, Bill.

Now, what if I were to ask you about
your personal life?

I'd probably beat the hell out of you.

I had no idea he was so insane.

Well, he's not. I meant Bill.

You're worried about getting sued for
libel?

Aren't you?

No. Read Bill's contract.

It was nice meeting you.

Yeah, take it easy.

How'd it go in there?

Not so well.

Uh -huh. Not so well.

That was maybe the hardest thing I've
ever had to do in my life.

I explained to her that she's very
special, but I'm saving myself, and now

isn't the right time for that.

Well, I happen to think that's very
sweet.

I told her she shouldn't take it
personally.

You know, she's a very warm, sweet,
incredibly gorgeous...

and then we started kissing, and then we
did it.

You what?

We did it. I'm not a virgin anymore.

Wait a minute. Wasn't that a little
quick?

How long is this supposed to take? I'm
new at this.

Just about that long if you do it right.

Now I know we're never going to date.

Well, let me be the first to
congratulate you on having sex in the

Well, we all stood out here waiting.

What the hell are we going to put on the
show tomorrow?

I don't know. We stood pretty low to buy
ourselves a day of execution.

All right, now's the time to show them
how well we can do going the other way.

You know, cerebral.

Hard -hitting.

Right, like we wanted to do in the first
place. Right. You know, Gore Vidal is

in town.

A possibility?

Yeah, and the dance critic from the
Times expressed some interest.

The waiter at that restaurant said Howie
Mandel is checking in tonight. Let's

go.

It's like this.

I don't know. I guess I thought this
experience was going to really change me

somehow. And now, you know, I've done it
and I don't feel any different.

Believe me, Matthew.

You've always been different.

Yeah, yeah.

I guess it's not going to change who I
am. No.

Okay. Yeah, okay. All right? All right.
Well, okay. Well, good night, Matthew.

Okay.

Thanks.

I did it.

Push one of the buttons if you want the
elevator to move.

Oh, right.