All language subtitles for 320de_320en_final

What are you doing? There's Jason!

Yeah? Yeah, Catherine.

I didn't want to tell you earlier when
everyone was there, but Bill probably

won't come to work today.

And why not?

He parked somewhere wrong this morning
and apparently he started a fight with a

police officer and was arrested.

Weil er mit einer Polizistin streitet?
Nein, Widerstand gegen die Staatsgewalt.

Wofür wollten Sie ihn denn verhaften,
dass er Widerstand geleistet hat?

Hier läuft kein Denkspiel oder sowas,
okay? Bill ist wirklich verhaftet

Na gut, dann pauken wir ihn raus. Das
dürfte schwierig werden.

Offenbar hat er auch noch auf der
Polizeiwache immer weiter diskutiert und

diskutiert und diskutiert. Wir haben ihn
erschossen.

Dave, es ist ernst.

Es gibt nämlich, wenn jemand im Arrest
sich unkooperativ verhält oder

feindselig... Die Standardprozedur, ihn
routinemäßig einer psychiatrischen

Untersuchung zu unterziehen.

Oh nein.

Oh ja.

Bill ist zur Beobachtung an eine
psychiatrische Klinik überstellt worden.

Wie geht's uns heute, Mr. McNeil?

Danke bestens. Wirklich?

Sie sehen aber nicht gut aus.

Was ist los da drin?

Wenn ich Ihnen das verrate, würden Sie
mir nicht glauben.

Dann machen Sie ein paar Notizen auf
Ihrem Blog, dann lassen Sie sie abtippen

und benutzen sie als weiteren Beweis,
dass ich verrückt bin, was aber nicht

stimmt.

Verstehe.

Genau das, vielen Dank.

Mr. McNeil, darf ich Sie Mike nennen?

Nein, mein Name ist nämlich Bill.

Hier steht aber etwas anderes, Mike.

Bill, und ich bin nicht verrückt.

Niemand hier ist verrückt.

Und was ist mit dem Kerl da drüben, der
sich mit dem Lichtschalter unterhält?

Na schön, der ist verrückt. Aber seien
wir doch mal ehrlich.

Wer von uns hat nicht manchmal das tiefe
Verlangen nach einem... Lichtschalter?

Entschuldigen Sie uns bitte, ich bin
mitten in einer Untersuchung.

Fred, gib mir den Kittel und entblasen.
Gut, wenn es unbedingt rein muss. Ich

wollte ja nur helfen.

Sollten Sie die Sachen noch mal aus der
Atmung kleiden, stehen dürfen Sie nicht

mehr fernsehen.

Zigarette. Ja, bitte.

Ich habe Ihnen keine angeboten.

Wieso sagen Sie dann Zigarette? Ich habe
mit der Zigarette geredet.

Entschuldigen Sie uns, bitte.

Zigarette, jetzt wirst du geraucht.

Ah, ich verstehe.

Sie sind verrückt.

Ja, aber ich bevorzuge den Ausdruck
verrückt.

Can I have a cigarette?

Garçon, a cigarette for the gentleman,
if you'd be so kind.

Name? Bill McNeil.

Name? Bill McNeil.

Name?

Mike. Please, Mike.

No panic, Mike.

Mein Name ist nicht Mike. Jemand hat
offenbar den falschen Namen in die

getippt und so. Ich weiß, ich weiß.

Mein Name ist auch nicht Fred.

Aber es ist einfacher, Ihr Spiel zu
spielen.

Also, wenn Sie wollen, dann kann ich Sie
auch Bill nennen.

Vielen Dank.

Gern geschehen.

Was ist Ihr richtiger Name?

Ulysses St. Grant, 18. Präsident der
Vereinigten Staaten.

Sie sind nicht der 18. Präsident der
Vereinigten Staaten. Natürlich nicht.

ist nur mein Name, nicht mein Job.

Haben Sie einen Knall?

Nichts für Unmut.

Und was ist mit den älteren Frauen? Was
für eine Meinung haben die? Mr. James?

Ja, ja.

Dankeschön. Ja, nein, nein, Sie
verstehen.

Bleiben Sie kurz dran. Was machen wir
mit Zeitventil mit Bill McNeil? Ich

springe für ihn ein, bis er wieder da
ist. Kein Problem. Das sieht meine

-Erkundungsmannschaft anders.

Welche Zuhörer -Erkundungsmannschaft?
Diese Zuhörer -Erkundungsmannschaft. Der

gewöhnliche Mensch wünscht sich eine
Sendung mit Ihnen und einem Kollegen.

As you wish. I wouldn't have a problem
with Catherine on the show. No, no, no.

The ordinary person would like you to do
the show with Joe.

You actually expect me to do a serious
show with Joe? Yes. Otherwise,

we'll send Joe and Catherine on the
show.

Nice. Good, good. Thank you, Lisa.

Lisa? Yes. No, she's gone. Yes, okay.
Tell me. I'll wait.

Was immer es kostet. Ich brauche die
Infos. Was immer es kostet.

Die schwedische Massage hier.
Verabreicht die ein echter Schwede?

Ah, Mr.

McNeil. Interessanter Fall.

Heut ist er verwirrt. Nein, nein, das
ist er wirklich nicht. Da liegt bestimmt

ein harmloses Missverständnis vor. Bill
ist eigentlich gar nicht verrückt. Oh

nein, ich fürchte, er ist schwer
gestört.

We work with him. We know him in and
out.

Then you know for sure that he's a
paranoid psychotic like in the picture

He has difficulties in emotional
relationships with other people.

Maybe you're right, but... He has an
irrational hostility that often

itself in repressive behavior.

Yes, but... He believes that no one of
his friends really likes him. That makes

it difficult for you sometimes, but...
And the feelings he has for his parents

are... Unusual, I would say.

But... Sie können ihn nicht so gut
verstehen, wie wir das. Das bringt mich

nächsten Punkt.

Seit wir Bill aufgenommen haben, nennt
er sich selbst Mike.

Könnte wahrhaft sein.

Natürlich hat Bill seine Probleme. Das
haben wir alle. Aber ich arbeite seit

fast drei Jahren mit ihm zusammen. Und
er ist einer der fähigsten,

vernünftigsten und einsichtigsten
Menschen, die ich jemals getroffen habe.

Sie erweisen ihm einen... Schlechten
Dienst. Schlechten Dienst, wenn Sie ihn

hier behalten. Nun, Sie haben vielleicht
recht, aber das wird die Zeit zeigen.

Können wir mit ihm sprechen?

Mr.

Nerfen!

Mr. Nerfen!

That's not the monkey cage in the zoo.

Please don't hurt the patients.

Excuse me.

Thank you, Mr. Nerfen.

There you can see what they've done.

I'm sorry.

Because he is dumb and I am smart.

The dropout rate is up 12%. The DSAT
scores are down 9%. You're making that

No, I'm not. I'm reading it from this
report from the Secretary of Education.

That's a cup of coffee.

Ladies and gentlemen, she is holding a
cup of coffee and pretending it's some

sort of government report.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. And what the report really
says... is that one year in a New York

City public school is equivalent to five
years at the Sorbonne or whatever that

famous French school is. No, it doesn't.
You know what, Lisa? If you had went to

New York City public schools, maybe you
wouldn't have the self -esteem problem

that allowed you to balloon up to 300
pounds.

300 pounds? 250, whatever.

We'll be right back.

But to be completely honest with you, I
agree. Schools suck.

Joe, you can't just make stuff up.

I'm not.

My on -air persona is. Well, tell him to
knock it off.

I can't. He's crazy.

So, what does Johnny Lunchfail think of
our new direction?

Oh, well, so far, sir, my research is
pretty inconclusive.

Well, people say they like the show.

You know, I can't really be sure yet. I
think this is just the kind of problem

you have to, you know, throw more money
at.

Okay, then do it to it.

Okay, 10 -4, Mr. James.

I think you're going to kill me, but you
know what? Can we go back to the other

way? The second one we tried. No,
actually, I think it was the third. It

like, more of a southern... And

then

what happened?

I told you already.

Tell me again.

I just want to go to sleep.

Look, it's your fault my television
privileges got revoked.

I wasn't the one who ordered you to
pretend to be a doctor. No, but you do

just like the guy inside my head.

So tell me again.

Fine. Where was I?

Oh, yes.

So then Urkel decided to send the Urkel
bot to the job interview instead of

doing himself.

Why?

I guess because it would allow a mix -up
to occur that we, the viewer, would

find amusing.

Was it amusing?

Not really.

Then I must ask you again.

Why did he send the Urkelbot?

Because he didn't think he was good
enough to get the job.

But when the Urkelbot broke down and
Urkel had to explain himself, the man

so impressed with his honesty that he
got the job. The end.

That was beautiful, Mike. Right, fellas?

Thank you. You're too kind.

Hey, quiet down in here, guys.

What do you say we get out of here?

I'd love to, Fred, but I don't really
think that's an option.

Think again.

See that window up there?

A tall guy like yourself, with the
guidance of a brilliant mastermind like

myself, could jimmy the match or we
could be outside within minutes.

I think it would be better if we just
went to sleep.

Okay, you're probably right.

You need to rest up.

Day two is usually when they start the
electroshock treatment.

Told you it would work.

Aren't the stars beautiful?

Yes, very. Now, which way do we go?

What do you mean?

I said we could get outside.

And here we are.

Outside.

But I thought we were going to escape.

Oh, you've seen too many movies.

Okay. Then how do we get back inside?

Nibble, my friend, we simply scream and
scream until the orderlies bring us a

ladder.

Wonderful.

Cigarettes? No, thanks.

Again, I wasn't talking to you.

Cigarette?

Well, this all appears to be in order.

I'll just need your signatures here and
here, and I'll need Mr. McNeil's

signature right there.

Okay, thank you. I'll be right back.

Good morning, old friend.

You okay, honey?

Never better, my sweet. What brings you
two here?

Well, Bill, it looks like we've been
able to work this thing out legally.

They'll release you into our custody.

As long as you sign these papers
agreeing that you won't sue anyone for

horrible mistake.

Bill, you have nothing to gain by suing
anyone. No, no, no.

I'm not signing these because I'm not
leaving. I happen to like it here.

Are you on some kind of medication?

No, I'm not.

But I'll tell you what I'm high on.

Freedom.

Bill, you're locked up in a mental
institution.

And I've never felt freer.

All those maddening little decisions
that torment you all day long.

Here, someone else makes all the
decisions for you. And you like that? I

it. No more wasting precious time trying
to decide, eat now or eat later, eat

more or eat less. And then, of course,
there's the camaraderie.

Phil? Phil, these people are insane.

Oh, really?

Then why did they elect me Prime
Minister of Ward 15 this morning?

Exactly how long do you plan on staying
here?

I don't know.

A week, maybe two.

I have some vacation days saved up.

Bill.

Ah, that can mean only one thing.

10 .47, snack time.

Give my regards to everyone at the
office and tell Beth I need to... Hi,

Minister Mike.

What are you waiting for?

It's snack time.

What are they serving?

Snack. Excellent.

Lead the way, my good man.

Bill, come on. You cannot vacation in a
mental ward. It's just not done.

Don't be naive.

That's what I'm doing.

See, I'm not alone.

It's true.

See, I have a very stressful job. All
day long, it's decisions, decisions,

decisions.

So I come here to get away from it all.

What do you do?

I'm an air traffic controller.

Really?

Oh, yes.

You see, I hardly get any vacation days
for my job.

So every six months or so... I flip out,
and I put my fist through a radar

screen, and you hear.

He means he pretends to flip out.

No, I actually flip out.

At least half the guys here are running
the same scam.

We've got a heart surgeon, a guy who
designs bridges, a member of a SWAT

Oh, we've even got a CEO of a very
successful intergalactic spice mining

corporation.

Perhaps you've heard of him.

Gorzon the Merciless.

Actually, I think that guy's really
crazy.

Yeah, crazy like a fuck.

Look who's eating all the fat. Let's go.

Dave. Huh? Come on, let's go. Oh, sorry.
I was just thinking how great it would

be to never have to make any more
decisions.

Like Lisa ever lets you make any
decisions.

Can you please tell Joe that the fake
fighting isn't working?

I already did it. In fact, I told him to
go exactly the opposite way. Which way

is that?

You'll see.

What? I don't want to do this. Do what?

Hello. Welcome to The Real Deal with
Lisa Miller and Joe Gorelli. Today, we

to have a frank discussion about the
changing role of welfare in the city and

our nation as a whole. Lisa, if I can
interrupt.

No, Joe, you may not.

And in our nation as a whole. Please.
It's very important.

What is it?

Lisa, we worked together for some time,
and I know you as a competent and

attractive young reporter.

And the past few years, this fond
respect has blossomed into love.

What?

I can keep silent no longer. I am on
bended knee, asking for your heavy hand

marriage.

Live, on the air, where our love first
grew, during the all -important drive

-time period.

Only on WNYX.

Lisa?

Will you marry me?

This concludes today's broadcast of The
Real Deal with Phil McNeil. The show

will return when its regular host, Phil
McNeil, returns from vacation.

Now stay tuned for a commercial break
and 28 minutes of dead air.

This is horrible.

I know. Will she say yet?

Well, if you say no, is she pregnant
with the traffic guy's child and she's

trying to protect the inheritance?

I leave for two days and they stoop to
this kind of sensationalistic crap?

I hate this. It's horrible. I hate
cliffhangers.

What time do we turn in tomorrow?

No, that's it. I'm going out of here.

Hello?

I want out of here.

I'm ready to sign those papers.

Me too.

No, Beth, I'm calling it off. Bill
should be back to work tomorrow, so come

back.

But, sir, I'm digging up some really
great information. If you could just

me a little more time.

It's over. Forget it. Damn.

It's really not that big a deal, all
right? I'll see you in about 15 minutes.

Okay, well, it's going to take me a
little while to get back.

Whatever. I'll see you when I see you.

10 -4.

You know what? I'm going to need to
charter a helicopter back to Manhattan

you can just... Thank you so much. Put
that right on my card. Thanks.

Hey, uh, don't you want to change into
your regular clothes first?

From now on, these just might be my
regular clothes.

I'm not doing the news with a man in
shabby pajamas.

Hey, these aren't shabby.

And they weren't cheap. I paid 15
cigarettes for these.

Fine. Let's go.

You guys go on ahead. I need to say
goodbye.

All right.

Where are you going, Mike?

I'd love to stay, but, well, without my
constant supervision, the real world

goes to hell in a handbasket.

Well, it's tough being prime minister.

I'm going to miss you, Mike.

Especially your beautiful stories.

Hey, if you ever want to hear me telling
a story, just tune in to 585 AM between

10 and 6. I'll be there for you.

Yeah, okay.

And if you're ever flying into
LaGuardia, you just know that I'm down

somewhere trying to figure out how the
hell to keep you from slamming into one

of the other 50 planes up there.

That's sweet.

Thanks again, Bill.

No, thank you, Ulysses S. Grant, 18th
President of the United States.

I got you going away, President. Thank
you.

Goodbye, old friend.

Goodbye.

I was talking to the cigarette.

But the Mets?

Excellent ball club, sir. I love the
Mets.

Tell us more, Joe.

I love baseball in general. I love all
sports.

Can you explain why you like sports?

I like sports, sir, because I'm not very
good at communicating with people.

Therefore, I like violent activities
that release a lot of testosterone and

me down.

Say, Joe, how about them Mets?