All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S04E18.EXTENDED.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

(phone ringing)

Hello, this is Dwight Schrute.

Hello?

Hello, this is Dwight.

Hello, hello.

Yes, we do have that.

Hold on one second.

Jim, what are you doing?

And how many would you like?

- Hang that up right now.
- Absolutely.

I can get that out to you
immediately.

This man is an imposter.

Do not do business with him.

This is not Dwight Schrute.

- Dwight left his cell phone on
his desk,

so naturally I paired it to my
headset.

(phone ringing)

- Okay fine, I'll just
let it go to voicemail.

Hello, this is Dwight.

Hey, is this Dwight?

Yes it is.

- Oh my goodness, you sound
sexy.

- Oh, thank you, I've been
working out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Pam, Pam,

you are not talking to Dwight
right now.

You are talking to Jim.

Dwight?

No!

Pam, I'm over here.

I'm confused.

Disconnect that right now.

You give me your earpiece.

Can't do that, unsanitary.

Ah!

Okay, you know what, fine.

I will reprogram my phone
to go to my office phone.

Done.

(phone ringing)

This is Dwight.

Oh, and I forwarded
his desk phone to mine.

Oh hello, Mutter.

Good news, I've married, tell
Father.

Such a nice woman.

(phone slamming)

(phone ringing)

(Dwight grunts)

(upbeat theme music)

- [Michael] Today is Toby
Flenderson's last day.

I couldn't sleep last night.

I came in extra early.

So much energy.

There are certain days that you
know

you will remember for
the rest of your life,

and I just have a feeling that
today is one of those days.

- Morning.
- Mornin'.

So here we go, just a matter of
hours now

until his horribleness
has left the building.

I'm going to set my watch alarm,

and (watch beeps).

[Toby] Morning, Kelly.

- I can't believe this is your
last day.

How do you feel?

Fine, good.

I feel weird.

- This is a picture I've
been carrying around

in my wallet for about six
years.

It's this sun spoiled beach
in Costa Rica, Playa Grande?

Yeah, I take it out when
I get stressed or depressed

and it would really calm me
down.

Never thought I'd get
to live here, you know?

But it turns out they built
these great new condos there,

so this could be me right around
where the trees used to be.

- First thing on the agenda,
actually,

the only thing on the agenda

is the status of Toby's going
away party.

- We have a buttercream cake,
and a slideshow of Toby.

Okay.

- But so far, we only
have two pictures of him.

Okay, well this will not do.

Toby is going away forever,

and we need to do something
very, very special.

In some cultures when somebody
leaves,

like New Orleans culture,
they have a parade,

and they have a band, and
people party in the streets.

Do you mean leaves as in dies?

You want us to throw Toby
a New Orleans funeral?

If the devil were to explode,

and evil were gone forever,

what sort of party would you
have?

Michael.

- Like a beach blow out, or a
toga, toga?

No!

Toga!

You always do this.

We have a nice modest party
planned,

and then you come in and demand
the world.

Let me be clear, there is simply
no money

for anything other than a cake,

and to develop a few more
slides.

Although, Toby won't be in them.

- I thought that you might say
that.

(Michael humming)

Every year, my sweet, sweet
grandmother

sends me a check on my birthday
for $50,

and lately, she has been

sending me like nine or 10
checks a year

as Nana starts to...

but I knew I should be
saving it for something.

I just didn't know what I
should be saving it for.

And then I had an awakening.

Michael, buy a motorcycle.

So I put the money in my shoe,

and then I forgot about it until
now.

I want a party that makes me
feel

like I am flying through the air

without this ugly weight
holdin' me down, you know?

I want an antigravity machine.

I saw it in a movie.

You drink a potion, and then you

just start floating all around.

- So how much antigravity
potion do you want?

No, no you know what?

This is not a party
planning committee anymore.

And I don't want your foot
money,

and I feel uncomfortable
participating.

Phyllis, can you do this?

Yes.

- I was gonna have Phyllis
be in charge of cups today,

but even then I had a stack of
cups standing by in my trunk.

(Angela huffing)

Great.

There's no, I-

Second cupboard from the left.

Thank you.

(Angela crunching)

(phone ringing)

Hi, can I help you?

Hi, yes, I'm Holly Flax.

I was told to ask for a Mr.
Flenderson?

As part of my last day,

I'm training the new human
resources rep

in the ways of the company.

Again, the company has allotted
for this training, one day.

So this is HR, this is your
desk.

I love the view.

Yeah, it's great isn't it?

Behind you here is Kelly Kapoor.

She works in customer service.

Kelly, this is Holly.

Hi, nice to meet you.

- Hi, Holly.
- Hi.

Gosh, you must've done something
right.

You're the only cubicle
in the whole office.

- Oh my god, let's get rid of
it.

I don't even know why it's here.

I just came in one day and it
was up,

and nobody asked how I felt
about it 'cause if they did,

I would've said, I don't like
it.

I really don't like it.

If anything, it makes it harder
to talk.

Okay, thanks Kelly.

(phone ringing)

Hey.

Hey.

What?

- Guess who just got into
the Pratt School of Design?

No way!

What did I say?

I said that they'd love those
sketches.

Congratulations.

Oh, thank you.

I don't know why I doubted it,

because I'm so clearly awesome.

Yes!

So when do you start?

- I don't know, I didn't
read it carefully.

I just saw congratulations,
and I skimmed the list,

I saw my name, I came in here
to tell you and get a snack.

Wow, busy morning.

So, you know it means

I have to go to New York for
three months.

That's not a big deal.

I'll come visit you.

And you'll visit me.

It's only two hours away, it'll
be fine.

That part's gonna suck,
but it'll be great.

- Yeah it sucks, but it'll be
great.

See how easy that is?

- I wouldn't go if things
weren't so solid with Jim.

And down the road if we have a
family,

I couldn't go then either,

so the timing's perfect.

And that is the first time

I've ever used the word perfect
in here.

Hey, Stanley.

Want to introduce you to-

Toby's replacement.

(Dwight growls)

Wow.

- [Dwight] So what do we know
about her?

- Well, we know that Toby
thinks she'll be great.

So, strike one, I hate her
already.

I hate her too.

Why do you hate her?

Because she stinks

with her ways, and her head.

You know Dwight, sometimes,

I don't know, I think you say
things just to agree with me.

- Would that be such a bad
thing?

Yeah, it would.

Just have a thought,
have an original thought.

Although, I will agree
that her head is weird.

- You know what we need to do?
- What?

- We need to sell her an
elevator pass.

- But our elevator doesn't
require a, oh.

Exactly.

Little old-fashioned hazing.

- [Robocall] City and state,
please.

Scranton, Pennsylvania.

[Robocall] What listing?

Antigravity chamber company.

- [Robocall] You've selected
Chamber of Commerce.

If this is correct, press
one to be connected.

(phone ringing)

- [Woman] Scranton Chamber of
Commerce.

- Hi, are there any local
companies

that rent antigravity machines?

[Woman] Antigravity machines?

That's right, yeah.

- [Woman] What do they do,
exactly?

They make you feel lighter.

[Woman] Antigravity.

Antidepressant?

I could put you through
to someone on that.

Okay.

- (person knocks)
- Yeah.

Hey, Michael?

- Oh, hey, do you still work
here?

- I'd like to introduce
you to my replacement.

- Nah.
- Come on.

- No, I think I will pass.
- Michael Scott, this is Holly.

- Hi.
- Hi, yeah right.

Okay, well they hired a female
Toby.

Good for the world.

Thank you God for creating two
of you.

Here's how things work here.

My job is to make the office
fun.

Your job is to make the office
lame.

And we have an eternal
struggle, you and I.

And only one of us can be the
winner.

Spoiler alert, I'm gonna win.

Man, someone doesn't like HR.

Yeah.

What did you do to him?

Nothing.

- No, he tortured me with his
awfulness.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I nearly fell asleep when he
gave me a tour of the files.

Well look, I'll let you get back
to work

but I really look forward to
working with you, Mr. Scott.

You know, Michael.

Thanks to Toby, I have
a very strong prejudice

against human resources.

I believe that the department

is a breeding ground for
monsters.

What I fail to consider, though,

is that not all monsters are
bad.

Like E.T.?

Is Holly our extraterrestrial?

Maybe.

Or maybe she's just an awesome
woman from this planet.

- And this is Jim Halpert.
- Hi.

And Pam Beesly.

- Oh, Pam, Toby said such
nice things about you.

Thank you.

He didn't mention me, did he?

- Oh, we didn't have a
chance to go over everybody.

- I've always gotten along well
with Toby.

We're friends.

But I don't think we'll
stay in touch, necessarily.

I think I'll probably get
updates on him from Pam.

The pleasure's all mine.

Oh, thanks.

I'm really looking forward
to sitting down with you

and finding out more
about what you do here.

Anytime.

What do you do here?

Excuse me.

What is wrong with this woman?

She's asking about stuff
that's nobody's business.

What do I do?

Really, what do I do here?

I should've written it down.

Qua-something.

Qua, quire, qui, qua, quir,
quabity.

Quabity-assuance.

No, no, no, no, but I'm getting
close.

- Oh I think that makes us
neighbors.

It's a couple streets over.

- Oh, maybe you can show me
some of the fun hangouts,

and where to get my nails done.

Sure, that sounds fun!

Great.

I hate that bitch.

I wanna cut her face.

- Have you been introduced to
Kevin?

No, which one's Kevin?

(Kevin snickering)

- He's here on a special work
program.

He's slow, you know, in his
brain?

Oh, good for you guys.

Yeah.

Hazing is a fun way to show a
new employee

that she is not welcome or
liked.

Accounting department, listen
up.

Holly, human resources.

Angela, Oscar, and Kevin.

Hello, hello.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you do?

I do the numbers.

Oh, good for you.

Do you want an M&M?

- Oh no, that is so sweet,
but thank you though.

- Yeah, I keep them here at my
desk

so that everybody doesn't take
them.

- Well that is a very safe place
for them.

- Yeah.
- There she is, Holly.

You know, if we hung
Holly from the ceiling,

we'd have to kiss underneath it,
her.

So, I don't, oh I'm sorry.

Question, are you real
or are you a Holly-gram?

Oh.

(Holly laughs)

Nice, I've never heard that one
before,

actually, that's good.

I bet.

Are these guys boring your ears
off?

No, no, I like them.

What is your commute like?

How long does it take to get in?

- Ooh-

- You know, I should make you a
mix.

Do you have a CD player?

Yeah, okay.

- All right.
- Thanks.

- Yep.
- Great.

Do you like it?

It's a photo of everyone in the
office,

so you can take it to Costa
Rica.

You're not in it.

- Well, I was taking the
picture.

I love it, I love it.

I would love a picture of the
two of us

to also take to Costa Rica.

- Sure, do you have a camera
here?

Not, uh.

Does anyone have a camera here?

No one has a camera here.

Okay.

- I'm gonna, I'll go and get
one.

I'll just...

- So I just got the fax
closing the sale, and it's big.

It is really big.

[Ryan] Congratulations.

- Thanks.
- Don't interrupt.

Congratulations on doing your
job.

Did you enter the sale on the
website?

- Nope, I didn't. I just logged
it in-

- [Ryan] All right, try to
be a team player here, Jim.

Log it in the website.

- All right, well it already
went through.

- [Ryan] Don't worry about
that, just re-log it.

(dial tone)

Hello?

- I mean upside down
situps, no that's not right.

Thanks for your time.

(knocks)

Yes?

Good news, Phyll.

The band just had a last
minute cancellation,

so we are available to play at
the going away party tonight.

No way.

After what you guys did at my
wedding?

- That wasn't me, Phyllis. That
was Chester on bass.

- I'm talking about 30
Police songs in a row,

all off key, off tempo,

and you forgot at least half the
lyrics.

- Well, Phyllis, that was
Scrantonicity.

Today we're, now I am
with Scrantonicity 2.

Give me a break.

Fine, Phyllis.

I'm sorry that I ruined your
wedding.

I didn't mean, Kev!

Kevin?

Nice job, real nice.

Thank you.

I didn't mean it.

Really, you didn't mean it?

* Oh hike up your skirt a little
more *

Jim?

* *

* Hike up your *

- I'm downloading some M3P-

- That's not it.
- Music for a CD mix tape.

- Close.
- For Holly.

- [Jim] Mm-hmm.

- And I'm looking for perfect
songs that work on two levels.

What are the two levels?

- The two levels being
welcome to Scranton,

and I love you.

- Okay, let's start with
the I love you level.

Hey, what's the group

that was from Scranton and made
it big?

Was that U2?

Yes.

You don't love Holly.

- I think I do.
- But you just met her.

- Well, it's love at first
sight.

Actually it was, no, it
was when I heard her voice.

It was love at first see with my
ears.

- Oh, okay it doesn't work like
that.

Well, you're not a romantic.

Actually, I think I am,

and I have a little bit of
experience in office romance.

- Oh really?
- Yeah.

Like, with who?

We've been through this.

Pam?

Yes, we are still dating.

And guess what, I took it slow.

Yeah, you took it too slow.

Well, we're really happy.

- This thing with Holly
feels a lot like love to me.

- And that's really sweet,
and you can think that,

but you don't say that out loud,

and you definitely don't say it
to her.

I don't want her to get away.

I know.

Here, Michael, you can court her

as you get to know her, you
know?

I mean, the office is
a great place for that.

Pam and I, we got to know
each other right out there.

I mean, first time we joked
around was at my desk.

And the first meal we ever had

was in the break room, actually.

And we were at two separate
tables,

and I remember that.

First time we kissed
even was right outside,

and look, all I'm saying

is that you can get to know
someone really, really well,

like I did, right here at work.

I guess it wouldn't be the worst
thing

to propose in the office.

Every couple's got that
beautiful, magical place,

you know?

And for some people it's a
waterfall,

and the Grand Canyon, and
Central Park.

And for me and Pam it's this
office.

But, I feel like Pam's
expecting fireworks, you know?

- Well, who can do a party of
this size?

But you're in the business.

You must surely know of
some other businesses.

Okay, well I just want a damn
dance floor!

Sorry, so sorry, I shouldn't
have sworn, I'm so sorry.

Thanks for your time.

(Jim knocks)

What?

Sorry, I shouldn't have
said what like that.

It was really rude.

Scared me.

How's the party planning going?

Jim, I am so (bleep).

- So it's going great, sounds
like.

- I don't know, I'm
not used to the stress.

When I was growing up, my
mom said the sky's the limit.

I could do anything.

Be a teacher's aid, nurse's
assistant,

some kind of volunteer.

But now I'm not so sure.

- I was thinking, fireworks at
the party.

What do you think?

- Oh boy, I appreciate
your help but I can't-

- Oh no no, I just meant I
wanted to pay

to have fireworks at the party.

Why would you do that?

Because I'm gonna miss Toby.

Yep, he's a heck of a guy

and I think we should send him
off right.

Doesn't matter, here you go.

[Phyllis] Really?

- Well, we all want a good
party, right?

I'm going to propose tonight.

Holy crap!

(coins jingling)

(phone ringing)

Hey, Kevin.

Hi.

Do you need some help?

I can't decide what to get.

Well, what do you like to eat?

Well, I like pretzels but,

I really like chips.

- Hmm, well how much
money do you have there?

Okay, let's see.

50, oh.

This is a button.

Okay, good.

55, 65, okay you have 75 cents

so that means you could get
anything up in the top row.

Hm.

I am totally gonna bang Holly.

She is cute, and helpful,

and she really seems into me.

- Okay, this is the
second time in two days

that the website isn't working.

Do you guys know anything about
it?

- The website is hiding, forming
alliances with other sites,

preparing an attack for which
we will have no defense.

Do you honestly believe that?

Yes I do.

- I'm gonna get a second
opinion.

- It was down for a
couple hours yesterday,

then back up,

and now I've heard from
a very reliable source

that it is once again out of
commission.

And that reliable source is you.

- Okay, so you don't know what's
going on.

I do, 'cause I just told you.

Hey, Michael.

Any idea what's going on
with Dunder Mifflin Infinity?

Yeah, crackers would be nice.

- [Andy] Want something
to nosh on there, boss?

[Michael] Hey, stranger.

Hello.

Long as you're pouring, I'll.

Here you go.

Someone's gotta stop me

from drinking this whole thing
by myself.

Well, that would be me.

I'm a coffee monster.

Coffee.

Yeah, exact.

Okay.

Okay, sorry.

My god.

I did it.

What'd you do?

I talked to her, Holly?

Just pleasantries, nothing,
not like do you want kids,

or religion, or what side
of the bed do you want?

Hey, I can take either side
of the bed at this point.

Wow, okay, so how'd that feel?

- It was hard. I wanted to kiss
her.

Oh, I'm so glad you didn't.

Shoo, oh god.

Layin' a base, layin' a base.

There you go.

There's plenty of base laying
left, right?

Hey.

Yeah.

Hello, Angela.

- Phyllis, you look like you're
gonna have a heart attack.

- Can I get a list of your
vendors?

I shredded it.

Why would you do that?

- Gosh, I just don't know. Why
do you think?

- (things clatter)
- Sorry.

[Holly] Damn it.

Hello, Holly.

Whoa, what are you doing?

You don't,

you don't have to do that.

We have already put together
chairs.

That's how we buy them,
actually.

Oh, I was trying to adjust

the lumbar support on Toby's
chair,

and that made this up-down
lever thing not work,

and then I took the whole chair
apart,

and that is the story of me on
the floor.

It's pretty good, right?

I'm gonna sell the movie rights.

And the sequel,

woman stands at desk and works.

So, I have no idea how you sit
like that.

Yoga.

- (speaking like Yoda) Sit on
floor and put together chair,

we will.

Yoda.

- (speaking like Yoda) Pass
curvy metal piece, you will.

- So are you in town this
weekend?

'Cause I'm not, I'm not.

I'm not gonna be in town.

Goin' out of town.

Oh, so you can't make my orgy?

Kidding!

Oh, kidding.

Acting!

Acting!

Acting!

Lovitz.

Yeah.

Here's one.

200 square feet, below street
level, toilet down the hall.

Oh, look at this.

Live with me, four hour commute,
full bathroom privileges.

So, that's a good deal.

Or you could live with me.

We could be very happy here.

That's 90 square feet each,

leaving room for a puppy.

- Well, if Ryan fires me,
you might get your wish.

Do you really think he will?

Well.

Is Ryan gonna fire me? I don't
know.

I know that I've done everything
I can,

and I just brought in a huge
sale.

And am I insane, or was this
kid a temp two years ago?

Because in the three
years that he's been here,

I think all he's ever done is
start a fire and grow a beard,

and it's not even a good beard.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Did you just buy that?

Yeah.

Maybe this'll be my thing in
Costa Rica.

Be a nature photographer.

That sounds cool.

Yeah.

Mind if I get a picture?

- Sure.
- Think you could?

Okay.

Okay.

Good one?

- Okay, now it's really easy to
use.

- Think I could get one-
- Oh yeah.

- Standing up?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Okay.
- Right.

- Standing-
- Funny faces.

- Okay, funny face one, two,
three.

Okay, great.

[Jim] That's a cool camera.

Oh my gosh.

That is the cutest picture
of you and Sprinkles ever.

Thank you.

I took the photo posthumously.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Well, may I just say that
you carry grief mighty sexily.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Put that right there.
- Okay.

Okay, later.

Okay.

Hey, Ryan, it's Jim.

Look man, I don't know what's
gotten into you lately,

but you know what?

I really don't care, because
you're trying to get rid of me

and I bet you think I don't
care enough about this job

to actually fight back, but
you're wrong

because I do, and I will.

So you can keep trying to push
me

out of this place, but guess
what?

I'm not goin' anywhere.

(Jim sighs)

(keyboard clacking)

Troy Underbridge for Michael?

- I'm sorry, I didn't see you
come in.

Troy.

What are you doing here?

- Just filling in for Ryan, as a
favor.

Where is Ryan?

- He had an urgent matter in New
York.

Welcome to our land.

Dwight?

Michael will be out in a second.

- Can I get you a tankard of
mead?

- Hey Troy, could you do me a
huge favor?

Next time you see Ryan,

can you tell him to check his
messages?

That'd be great.

If I see him, I'll tell him.

- Why wouldn't you see him? You
work for him.

I report to Wallace now.

Okay, what's going on?

Stop.

Don't look at me.

On the counter you will find

bread, peanut butter, and jelly.

Pretend to make yourself a
sandwich.

Pretend, or really make one?

Really make one.

- Make your own (bleep)
sandwich.

- Will you please make a
sandwich?

Now, according to my sources,

you have an issue with the new
HR woman.

Well, so do I.

And so does our secret
benefactor.

That's too much peanut butter.

What I propose is a good
old-fashioned hazing,

and I need your help.

If you choose to accept this
mission,

wipe the knife off before
you stick it in the jelly.

Have you ever made a sandwich
before?

Damn it, Meredith.

What'd you guys do?

Oh, there he is.

Thought you had gone home
already.

Why don't you go home, and
come back for the party?

- Well, we still have to
do the exit interview.

Yes we do.

I'll let you in on a little
secret.

I've been very much looking
forward to this moment.

Very, very much.

I have been steeped in
anticipation.

Toby has been cruisin' for
a bruisin' for 12 years,

and I am now his cruise director

and my name is Captain Bruisin'.

(upbeat music)