All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S04E16.EXTENDED.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

Everybody?

Everybody, listen up,
I need your ideas now.

Ideas please, right now.

Go, go, come on.

- Michael, we don't know
what you're talking about.

- Wet cement outside,
it's drying fast come on.

This is a lifelong dream.

What do I write? What do I
write?

- Michael, you can put
your initials in it.

- M-G-S, no.

Some idiot named Mark Greg
Sputnik

will claim credit for it, don't
know...

That is true.

- Once a lifetime opportunity
people.

Come on here we go.

- [Phyllis] Well but-
- Here we go.

- Well-
- [Michael] Yes?

When I was a little girl.

[Michael] Okay.

(Phyllis giggles)

Okay, tell us.

Go on great, let's hear it.

We found some wet cement

- It's drying, it's drying,
- in the park

at our neighborhood and...

All right!

- Come on Phyll!
- What did we write?

(Michael shouting)

Come on!

- Here it is, you draw a
picture.

No.

- Cause that's says-
- No!

- That says so much more than
words.

- No!
- The picture.

- Come on, give me something
good!

Okay, I was watching E!

and I saw Will Smith
outside the Chinese Theater

and oh my God, he looked so
good.

Pam translate?

- She's talking about the hand
prints

that celebrities make in the
cement.

I love it!

- If you were a real star
you'd put your face in it.

I love it more!

- Michael that doesn't seem
safe.

I love it!

- Come on, lets go.
- [Dwight] Come on!

(Dwight laughing)
(running)

- We are here today not
to immortalize a man

but an idea.

Maybe the idea of a man,

Hurry please.

- Greatness is only skin
deep some people say-

- Can you breathe?
- Well that's not true.

Other people believe it's deeper
outside.

Hold your breath.

- In this case-
- Ready?

- That's also not true.
- And,

Go.

Force in as deep as you can.

- (mumbling) That's what she
said.

Today's a very special day for
me,

and it's really not about me

it's about my grandkids, it's
about my great grandkids.

I can come back here when I'm
100

and I can find that
piece of cement and say,

"That's me.

"Look kids, your daddy
left that face hole."

I don't know, it's a good
feeling.

Whoa!

(trash can falling)
(Meredith sighs)

Upbeat theme song

Okay.

Adjective.

Tall.

No, no.

Nice.

Good one.

Okay.

You ready?

- Mm-hmm.

- The tall man entered the nice
building

to visit a very nice man.

Sit down Mr. Smith,

could I interest you in any good
cat food?

(Angela laughs)

It's a man eating cat food.

- How about a cat eating man
food?

(Andy meows)

(Andy pretend-chewing)

This hamburger's delicious.

(Angela laughs)

- A cat eating a hamburger
sandwich?

That's impossible.

I know.

- Where do you think of these
things?

Honestly, I don't know.

- Andy and Andrew seem very
happy.

I hope nothing horrible
ever happens to them.

- Yeah, I slept over
at a friend's house and

I forgot my contact solution so,

I had to wear my backup glasses.

Shut up.

Alright, everybody.

Oh my God, Pam.

Those make you look so ugly.

Pam, in order to get hotter,
you take glasses off.

You're moving in the wrong
direction.

I don't have my contacts.

- (babbling) I can't even hear
you.

It's just noise coming
out of an ugly scientist.

Everybody, we're going to have a
little,

a brainstorming session
in the conference room.

Energize.

- You know what would energizes
me?

If you Pamela Morgan Beesly-

- Don't you dare.
- Would take-

- If you propose to me
during the micro meeting,

I will say, no.

- Well, it's too late
because I'm proposing

that you get me a cup of coffee,

which would energize me and
greatly

and make me the happiest man in
the world.

- Everybody, so how are we going
to

energize our office?

I mean, I haven't done
anything since Christmas.

Pam clearly has just given up
trying.

Pam stand up.

Hi everyone.

My name is Pam and I wear
glasses.

Hi Pam.

Pretty disgusting.

So what we need to do (Jim
claps)

is we need to get things going.

We need to get percolating a
little bit.

Anybody have any ideas what we
could do?

Any suggestions?

Oscar start us off, what do we
got?

I don't know.

Every idea is a good idea.

- A new color scheme
for the entire office.

Bad idea, I mean,

no, you know what?

That's a good idea but it
would be bad if we did it.

Yes, Andy.

We've changed our

outgoing answering machine
message.

So it just had a little more

zing and a little more pep.

Zing and pep.

See those are the kinds of
words we're looking for.

Yes, Jim?

- What about it we did an
even newer voicemail message

that had even more zing and pep.

Now we're cooking.

I like this.

Maybe a whole theme,
like a rap, a rap rhyme.

An urban thing.

- Yeah Stanley, you wanna
help us out with that?

Stanley, earth to Stanley.

Not me.

Yes, you.

Come on, Stanley.

Put your little game
down and join the group.

No.

Stanley,

Leave me alone, damn it.

- we're having a brainstorm
session.

Did I stutter?

- Good, this is good, I'm
going to grab a glass of water.

- It looks like somebody's
got a case of man-apause.

It's like menopause, but for
men.

What?

Then I could just say menopause.

Wait...

you know what I mean?

Michael versus Stanley.

Oh please.

The only battle worth
watching in this office

is me versus me.

Oh, that'd be a good one.

Evenly matched.

But I can take on anyone, even
myself.

(sighs)

We would fight, it would be
intense.

But in the end there'd only be
one winner,

Dwight Schrute.

The loser?

(Stanley coughs)

Can I talk to you a second?

(groans) What?

- I really think that you need
to address

what happened with Stanley this
morning.

What are you blabbering about?

Nothing happened.

- Well, you know, Stanley
was openly insubordinate.

That in the conference room?

[Toby] Yeah.

- We were Josh and around the
two of us

and he said, "Did I stutter?"

And I said, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, what dog?

He was joking, Toby alright?

- He didn't seem like he was
joking.

- Well, you don't get it
because Stanley is a beautiful,

sassy, powerful black man.

And you're you.

If you had any friends
you would understand

friends joke with one another.

"Hey, you're poor."

"Well, hey, your mama's dead."

That's what friends do.

It's...

you're so white.

By talking back to me,

Stanley was really saying

you're not paying attention to
me, dad.

I want to act out.

I understand this because

that's exactly what I
did when I was a kid.

Did it make my dad leave?

Maybe.

But Stanley can never make me
leave

because I have a contract.

Alright.

Well, if you really believe
that Stanley was joking,

why don't we go ask him them?

Okay I will.

I'm not feeling very
well right now though.

My stomach hurts so I may be
going home early today, but...

You know Michael,

sometimes my daughter's stomach
hurts

when there's a mean girl at
school.

Well, sometimes

my stomach hurts when
you come into my office.

So it's probably psychological.

(phone ringing)

Stanley is one of my oldest
friends in this office.

He outweighs me by a hundred
pounds.

He's the type of friend that
I could not see for 50 years

and the second I saw him,

I could make an insult about
his mama and he would laugh

and I would laugh,

and I'd say, "You're one
of my oldest friends."

And I think he gets choked up
inside

because he'd want to say,

"Hey, Michael, I love you, man.

"You're one of my oldest
friends.

"And did you hear Jim died?"

And I'd be like, "What?

"How?"

"Of a broken heart because
did you hear Pam died?"

That's the kind of friends we
are.

50 years from now, we'll still
be talking about this office.

We'll still be laughing.

We'll still be crying.

We'll still be enjoying

and not enjoying all of the
things that happened here

and all the deaths.

It's nice.

I like your frames.

Thanks Phyllis, yours too.

I'm already married.

Boys don't make passes at
girls who wear glasses.

- Ignore her those glasses are
so cool.

Really?

- Yeah, you look like Lisa
Loeb or Tina Fey or someone.

You should definitely
wear them all the time.

Oh.

Maybe I will.

- Guess who just became the
cutest girl in the office?

- You meet a lot of
ladies driving an Xterra

because you pull up to a
stoplight and look over

and there's an Xterra next to
you,

they're always driven by chicks.

So there's your icebreaker.

(kicks)

Scratch.

That's a racing stripe.

Bumper sagging.

I doubt that very much.

(side windows flapping)

Very astute of you, the
mirrors are hinge jointed.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not an okie off the street.

I know how mirrors work.

Well, I'm just saying.

She's a very good in a crash.

I've been in four major
accidents, no injuries,

at least to my body.

Alright, start her up.

Let's see what you got under
here.

- Yeah well, 350 CCs of
screaming power.

Pos-attraction belt drive,
turbo.

Four on the floor, three on the
tree.

That doesn't make any sense.

- I'm gonna be honest with you
Dwight.

I don't know diddly about cars.

- Well thank you for telling me
that.

I will try and forget it
when I negotiate with you.

That's very decent of you.

This car is crap.

I will buy it for next to
nothing.

How next to?

Well, here are your options.

You can sell it for parts,

drive it off a cliff.

You can donate it

to a person that you'd like
to see die in a car crash,

or you can sell it to me

and I'll use it as I would
have wagon on my farm.

It'll be towed by a donkey.

I have to pick one of those?

Yes.

- Can you go over those options
again?

Yeah you know what?

You knock $1,500 off the price
right now

and I will take it off your
hands.

It's gotta be now.

Well, I have-

Seal the deal.

- The Blue Book Value's
- Let's do it.

Let's do this thing.

Three, two, one.

- Can I think about it?
- Five, four, three two, now.

Now!

Now, say it,

do it now.

Do it now.

Do it.

Shake my hand.

You will sell me this car.

Shake my hand.

Yeah!

Alright.

- I was just checking the
weather.

What?

- I see that you gave me that
form

that I asked you to give
me Stanley the manly.

So thank you for that.

I guess we are back to normal.

What are you talking about?

Well,

you know the thing that you said
earlier

that you didn't mean,

and that I forgive you for.

The whole thing is silly, isn't
it?

Friends don't need to apologize
to friends

as far as I'm concerned.

So we are cool.

- I am not going to apologize to
you.

It's like I used to tell my
wife,

I do not apologize
unless I think I'm wrong.

And if you don't like it,
you're going to leave.

And I say at the same
thing to my current wife.

And I'll say it to my next one
too.

- By the way, you didn't
stutter.

So don't feel bad.

You sounded very powerful.

- Go back to your office
and leave me alone.

Well, thanks for the form.

Man my stomach is killing me.

You know, I don't ask
very much of my employees.

I let 'em goof off.

I let 'em come in late.

I never put my foot down.

I let them walk all over me.

And what do I ask in return?

Nothing but their respect.

(Dwight scatting)

Oh, what's Dwight up to?

Oh, probably nothing.

(Dwight scatting)

(Dwight exclaims)

The hell is this all about?

You're flipping my car for
profit.

It's my car now.

- I gave you a deal based
on what you said to me.

Yeah well, seller beware.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I've got a monitor a three-way
bidding war

for my car on eBay.

I've got a Mad Lib for you.

A stupid idiotic numbskull
named Andy Bernard

sold his Xterra to a smart
and capable man named Dwight.

This is shaping up to be
an awesome day for Dwight.

- You know, I don't
care what he did to me.

He's mean to other people
that's what gets me it's just-

Who else does he mean to?

Everybody.

He's just, he's always,

he's always talking about
people behind their backs to me.

- What kind of stuff does
Stanley say?

Like the people are stupid

and that they're idiots
and that they're sluts.

Why would he say that?

Because he's mean.

He's like a really mean spirited
guy.

He talks about how gay Oscar is

and that Angela's a midget
and that your chin is too big.

- Hey-

I know, I know.

I think it's tiny.

I think it's too small of
anything

and that your glasses make you
look ugly.

- She's never worn these glasses
before.

Well, he's just mean.

- Michael, I think that what
Stanley did to you was rude.

Maybe you should just get them
aside

and tell him that he was
behaving badly.

It's complicated, Pam.

I mean, world looks a lot easier

from behind your reception desk.

- Well, actually I agree with
her.

I think you should talk to him

and you also might want to
explain to Andy

that no one wants to help him
decide

whether or not he has a rash.

Oh yeah.

And then yell at Creed
because you know what?

Looking can be as bad as
touching.

Okay. (Michael sighs)

What Stanley is doing right
now is called displacement.

Basically, Jan taught me this.

Displacement is when someone is

very, very angry about
something in their life,

but they take it out on me.

And so they're,

that's displacement.

- Do you need me to go
over this org chart again?

No.

Yes.

So Stanley reports to Jim.

Yes.

The people in this office crave
order,

otherwise nothing gets done
or worse yet, they'll revolt.

The last thing I need is
Michael's head on a spike.

The last thing I'd want is
to have to put it there.

- And Jim is in charge
of disciplining Stanley.

No.

Jim is in charge of Stanley
only in sales related matters.

Hence the green line.

Green for money.

Sales, get it.

There is this yellow zigzag

that does give Ryan the
authority to discipline Stanley.

Great.

- However, in so doing,
it zigs past your name,

hence zagging, you and
making you appear weak.

That's the yellow color.

Yellow for cowardly.

What's the pink?

Menstrual cycles.

Okay.

Is there anybody up here,

anybody at all that can deal
with this?

- You.
- Other than me.

- Well, there is the
emergency disaster mode

for the org chart.

This gives me full authority

over every single person in the
office.

- I never said you could do
that.

All you have to do is say it.

Just say it.

Okay I'll think about it.

Say it, just do it.

Don't think, say it.

Do it.

Five, four, three, two.

Do it.

It give me control, Michael.

I promise to give authority back
to you

when this crisis is over.

Do it, Michael.

Do it.

Hey, this office needs a strong
man.

Say it.

No.

Alright well,

you're going to have to
deal with this yourself.

Hi Pam.

I really like your glasses.

Oh, thanks.

- All the girlfriends that I've
ever had

have a worn glasses.

Oh, okay.

- It's kind of a turn on for me
actually-

- I should probably get back to-

Like librarians.

- Entering the-

Could you just say,

"These are due back Thursday?"

No.

(phone rings)

(phone lifting)

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

Okay, go ahead.

A lot of jazz cats are blind,

but they can play the piano
like nobody's business.

I'd like to put the piano in
front of Pam

without her glasses and see what
happens.

I'd also like to see her
topless.

- Stanley, when you said
that mean thing to me

about you not stuttering,
it hurt my feelings.

And then when you would not
apologize,

it hurt my feelings as well.

So I am asking you as a buddy

to just say that you did not
mean it.

Did you hear me?

Yes.

This is a letter of reprimand.

This is a terrible, terrible
thing.

And it pains me to have even
written this

because I know how detrimental
this can be to a career,

to a person psychologically.

This can destroy a life.

This is your personal file.

What happens next is up to you.

Will you apologize?

I will not.

- Then you leave me no other
choice.

I've put Stanley on a
pedestal for a long time,

but sometimes he can
just be a big fat jerk.

Jerks don't deserve to be on
pedestals.

Jerks should be placed up
somewhere

where everybody can
see how jerky they are.

Big, big marble jerk stand.

When this goes into your file,

it is there for all of eternity.

There is no way that
I can get it back out.

Do you understand that I
am still holding onto it?

I can retrieve it much
like playing checkers.

So this is your last chance
Stanley, will you apologize?

Nope.

(envelope drops)

- It is done.
- Fine, I'm going back to work.

Wait, wait, wait Stanley.

Stanley, I have written a second
letter.

Goodbye.

This letter claims that this
first letter is crazy talk.

I've decided

not to wear my glasses
for the rest of the day.

I'm not vain.

It's just, as soon as
I took my glasses off,

I felt instantly calmer.

I'll show you.

Unfocus your lens like a lot.

I have 20/400 vision.

Okay, so now I no longer
have to watch Dwight

pulling hairs out of his face.

And I can no longer see Creed

doing whatever it is Creed does.

I don't wanna know.

Mike, very busy here man.

- Darryl, have you ever been in
a gang?

Why?

It's an advice question,

and if you don't wanna talk
about it,

I completely understand it's-

No, no, no.

- I know it's very, very
personal.

No.

I have.

I knew it.

Okay.

What are we talking about here?

Crips, Bloods?

Both.

God.

Yeah them and the Latin Kings.

The Warriors.

Okay.

Newsies.

Okay, so dig this.

You're on the street and
one of your gang disses you.

Oh my goodness.

- Right and you know that he
feels bad

and that he wants to apologize
but he's embarrassed.

Well I mean he's in the gang.

Right, so what do you do?

I mean, short of going medieval
on his ass

or formally writing him up,

what do you do to get
him to make it right?

Well see, in the gang world.

We use something called fluffy
fingers.

What is that?

That's where somebody
really gets in your face.

You just start tickling 'em.

Really?

- Yeah and he starts tickling
you.

Pretty soon you laughing and
hugging.

Before you know it, you've
forgotten the whole thing,

Y'all could just go to church
together

and get ice cream cones.

- I would have never thought
that

gangs would be tickling each
other.

Oh, it's effective.

- It's funny because this
is not the image of gangs

that most white people have.

This is telling you,

think we could learn a lot
from listening to this.

- I'm glad I could open your
eyes.

(weird noises)

Fluffy fingers.

(car approaching)

(tires screeching)

(rustling)

(door opening)

Yo!

Hi, can I help you?

- Ha-ha nice.

I guess I have been a stranger
lately.

Ryan.

Hey Pam, you want a bagel?

- Yeah.
- Think fast.

Honestly Pam, the bagels in New
York

are the only good bagels in
the world I swear to God.

Okay.

- The only good bagels anywhere.
- I've heard that.

Same with coffee and women.

Okay.

I'm gonna go find Toby.

Oh, here's what you do.

Scoop out the middle like that.

And then you just eat the shell.

You know, fewer carbs.

(bag rustling)

- Yeah, if I could have
seen what he just did

I think I would've gotten angry.

- I think it's self-explanatory.

Hey Jim, come here for a second.

Can you answer me something
as a true Eagles fan?

Oh boy.

How do you live with
the franchise this bad?

- On a wing and a prayer,
mostly.

Alright, whatever you say.

Listen, while I have you here
with Toby,

I need to give you a formal
warning

about your job performance.

A formal warning?

(chuckles)

It's actually not a joke.

I know how you spend your time
here.

And I know how little
you care about your job.

And honestly,

if you spend as much
time selling as you do

goofing around with Dwight
and hanging out at reception,

we wouldn't be having this
conversation.

I'm sorry,

is this because I talked to
Wallace about your website

because I really didn't
mean to go over your head.

- This has nothing to
do with that, alright?

I have always appreciate

constructive criticism
about my job performance,

I thrive on it.

- I'm sorry, then do you mind
explaining it a little better

cause I'm not sure what's
really.

- Whoa don't get all defensive,
alright?

It's just a warning.

If you want the details,
Toby can provide 'em.

You take it easy alright?

(fingers tapping)

- Jim filled my desk with
marshmallows.

Ryan's serious.

I know because he called
me at five in the morning

last night to tell me.

Talked for an hour straight.

He also said that he thinks
the moon landing was faked

and girls don't know
prize when they see one.

It's not Darryl's fault.

It was a great idea.

I just couldn't figure out quite
how to do it, I don't know.

I have tried everything, man.

I'm just running out of options.

A formal warning, seriously?

Well, as you know,

Dwight has filed a lot
of complaints against you

over the years.

And no one cared.

But now it's being looked at

as more of a productivity issue.

Productivity?

My numbers are good.

- I know but Ryan thinks
that they're not good enough.

I'd say all the goofing
around at Pam's desk

and hanging out with Pam has
finally caught up to him.

Pick with Pam.

Wallace likes Jim.

So going after him,

that's a risky move for me.

But in business, you got to take
risks.

Sometimes you got to get
out on the open highway

with the top down.

(mechanism struggling)

(car top opening)

(mechanism struggling)

(tires screeching)

Hey, what happened?

What did Ryan want?

Oh, we were just.

Talking about bureaucratic
stuff.

Because you're very important?

Yeah.

Stupid eBay.

Who buys a car on eBay?

- I've had a lot of success on
eBay.

Everything I'm wearing right
now.

I got on eBay.

Everything.

Good for you.

(ruler tapping)

(cash register mimicking)

(door opening)

Okay, everybody, shh.

So earlier today, Stanley sassed
me.

And Toby gave me some
suggestions

on how to discipline him.

They did not work, obviously
because they were stupid.

So I am now going to fake fire
him.

What does that mean?

It's like a mock execution.

That's not a good idea.

Yes, it is a good idea.

It's the only possible
solution I have left.

- Well, you can actually fire
him.

- No okay, I've had enough of
you.

Why are you telling us this?

Because I want you to behave

as if I'm actually firing him
Oscar, okay?

- Michael, if you hadn't told us
this,

then we would have thought

that you were actually firing-

I'm not firing him.

I'm not, I will need you to
act like I am firing him.

Just what I'm going to do

is I'm going to pretend
that I'm firing him

and I need you to act
like I am firing him.

Do you get that?

Do you get it?

I'm teaching him a lesson.

He needs to learn humility.

Alright?

That's all I'm...

Okay, here he comes.

Let's just play act.

Stanley, may I talk to you for a
second?

Stanley Hudson, you are fired.

Are you serious?

I am serious.

We are all serious.

You are fired like a heart
attack.

But I've worked here 24 years.

Ouch, that must hurt

because you're just one
year away from your pension

and insubordination on top
of that so no severance.

And I'm still mad at you.

So I'm not even going to shake
your hand when you leave,

just go clean out your desk and
get.

- You're firing me over three
words.

Have you lost your mind?

Do you think I'm going
to let you do this to me?

I've watched you screw up
this office for 10 years

and I'm filing a lawsuit

and I'm gonna tell them
about every stupid thing

you've ever done up in this
office.

- Alright, alright okay, you
know what?

Now you know how I feel.

This was a fake firing.

Lesson learned.

Good work, everybody.

Very nice.

So I'm not fired?

That's it.

And do you have anything to say
to me?

Oh yes, I do.

You are out of your little pea
sized mind.

What is wrong with you?

Do you have any sense at all?

Okay.

- Do you have any idea
how to run an office?

[Michael] Yes.

- Every day you do something
stupider than you did

the day before and I think,

there's no possible way he can
top that.

But what do you do?

You find a way dammit to top it.

You are a professional idiot.

Hey stop it!

Okay, everybody out.

Who?

- Yeah everybody, except
Stanley.

(office shuffling)

Let's go.

I can't find my glasses.

you know what?

Why don't you take my hand and
leave 'em.

Let's get outta here.

Okay, okay.

And that means you guys,

you out.

Get out.

- Oh it's Michael versus
Stanley.

And it is the Clash of the
Titans.

In one corner,

you have Michael and he is mad.

And then in the other corner
you have Stanley and he's mad.

So that's about it.

(doors opening)

I don't see how this ends.

It's what my grandma would
call a Peruvian standoff.

You know,

it's what neither person wants
to give in

because of their ignorance
or the backward culture

in which they were raised.

My grandma was very racist
like most Bolivians.

Goodbye, Xterramigo.

you were one heck of a motor
carriage.

Andy...

- I can't believe Dwight did
that.

He totally took advantage of my
kindness.

- He did not take advantage of
you.

He bested you.

You were bested.

Come on, come on, come on.

- You know, my dad gave me that
car.

So I guess it's all profit.

I wonder if we could get it
on Pay-Per-View or something.

I mean, I really want to know
what's happening up there.

- I could go back for my
glasses.

- No, that's like going
into a burning building

for an ugly pair of shoes.

- Hey, what really happened
today?

What do you mean?

- I mean, I don't need my
glasses

to know when somebody's
stressing you out.

What happened today?

Ryan is trying to get rid of me.

He came in today to give
me an official warning

about my job performance.

What?

God, he's such a creep.

That really pisses me off.

I'm going to bash his face in.

Then I'm gonna bash his
face in with a stale bagel.

Then I'm gonna throw rock at his
car.

Come on, we're going
to New York right now.

I'm driving.

If I hit him without my glasses,

I don't think it's a crime.

Great.

- God, I should have told
you all about this sooner.

- What a jerk!
- What a jerk.

(door opening)

(door closing)

- I don't understand why
you keep picking on me.

Oh for the love of God.

You just do I don't know why,

so please help me understand.

Fine, here it is.

You are a person, I do not
respect.

The things you say, your
actions,

your methods and style,
everything you would do

I would do it the opposite way.

Well, Stanley,

maybe you are feeling
that you don't respect me

because you don't know me very
well.

- Michael, I've known you a very
long time

and the more I've gotten to know
you,

the less I've come to respect to
you.

Any other theories?

Alright, you don't respect me.

I accept that.

But listen to me,

you can't talk to me
that way in this office.

You just can't.

I am your boss.

Can't allow it.

Fair enough.

(hands shaking)

- I am a good person and
sometimes

good people don't get no
respect.

Rodney Dangerfield,

"Hey, y'all don't get no
respect,

"no respect at all.

"When I was in the sandbox as a
kid.

"I got no respect.

"My wife likes to talk after
sex.

"So she called me from a hotel
room,

"said 'I don't respect you.'"

(sighs)

Thoughtless.

Ah, you know what don't get no
respect?

Airplane food.

Why don't they just make the
plane out of the airline food?

My wife don't get no respect.

So take her please for example,

if you don't get no respect,
you might be redneck.

Respect is nice.

Borat.

What's the deal with grape nuts?

No grapes, no nuts.

I don't got no respect.

(door opening)

Hey Michael how'd it go?

Hey weirdo.

What are you doing?

Hanging out, flashing
people in the parking lot?

- No, I just stayed to see how
it went.

Are you gonna to have to fire
Stanley?

- No, no enough blood has been
bled today.

- Well, I think it was really
admirable.

The way you stuck with a problem

saw through to the end today.

And you were good and firm
with everybody upstairs

when you told them to leave.

Think you earned their respect.

So, nice job.

Thank you.

But unfortunately, coming from
you,

that means absolutely nothing.

Have a good night Michael.

Guy's the worst.

(Michael chuckles)

So I'm thinking as a reward
for our loyal clients,

that we contact their assistants

and we find out where they live.

And then we go to their houses
in the middle of the summer

and go caroling.

It is a summer Christmas
sale-abration

and we call it a summer
sales-a-lot.

Feedback?

Anybody, Stanley?

- Has potential to be your best
idea yet.

- That's the dumbest thing I
ever heard.

- Dammit Phyllis alright,
everybody out except Phyllis.

(upbeat music)