Original subtitles

- Hi, man. - Hey, guys.

This is my girlfriend, Amy.

- Hi. - Hey, Amy, how you doing?

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

This is everybody else.

Hey.

This is the place, so thanks for the lift.

- Yeah, sure, I'll, I'll see you tonight, right?

- Absolutely. - Okay.

Okay.

(Amy laughs)

Whoa, easy, tiger.

I just really like you.

- Okay, goodbye, you guys, nice to meet you.

- Bye. - You have a great day.

Whoa, Toby.

Watch out, you're gonna to violate your own PDA memo.

- I wouldn't wanna do that, now, would I?

(upbeat music)

(marker squeaking)

Smell that, you smell that?

Dry rot?

- No, Dwight, that smells like good business to me.

What I have done here

is I have collected all the finest gourmet items

that Scranton has to offer.

- My mom runs a gourmet cheese shop

in Rye, New York every year for Easter.

Instead of candy, we would take a basket

and hunt for individually wrapped soft cheeses.

Taught me an appreciation for the finer things,

which I maintain to this day.

Hmm, sweet, chocolate turtles.

Yes, no.

No, those are for our clients.

Actually our ex-clients, I'll explain later.

Ryan wants everything in our company

to be about emails and IMs,

but I think he is forgetting

about the original instant message.

Letters attached to baskets of food.

Excuse me, Angela.

Michael asked me to turn in these receipts

for these gift basket items.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Is that all?

Yes.

I miss you.

Elevators.

Dwight, you have to listen to me.

We are not seeing each other anymore.

Can you accept that?

Fine.

Then I just wanna be friends.

Good.

Plus a little extra.

Also, I love you.

'Sup?

Hi, Creed, what's up?

- Just 'boardin', you know how we do.

I like your hair.

I don't know if I told you.

Thanks, ese.

So what are you guys doing?

What do you mean?

To look younger.

So the kid doesn't replace you with machines.

- I think I'll just take my chances.

- Suit yourself, but if it were me Botox, wig.

What?

- I don't understand what the big deal is.

- You don't? - No.

You lied about being pregnant.

Right, so?

You really don't understand

why that might make me kind of angry?

No.

- We're never getting back together.

Why not?

Hey.

Hey.

All right, I just have to ask.

Now that we're public, is the magic gone?

- It's funny you bring that up, because yes it is.

I knew it, oh, man.

Just like that, huh?

- I think, I mean, I don't know what it is, but-

Be honest.

I now find you repulsive.

That's honest.

(exhales)

All right, fair enough.

It was really fun while it lasted, though, wasn't it?

Yeah.

For me it was.

Okay.

All right.

- These need to go on the outside.

The pipe cleaner needs to go through the corner.

Do not tape those on.

- Hey, Michael? - Mhm?

- Jan called and asked where you're gonna meet for dinner.

She wants you to call her.

I'm a little busy right now.

Could you BlackBerry me a message?

Sure.

Michael doesn't know how to work his BlackBerry.

So when he says, "BlackBerry me a message,"

he means write it on a post-it note

and stick it to his BlackBerry.

(Dwight grunts)

- Hey, boss, I didn't know you were coming in today.

What's going on here?

I am glad that you asked.

Listen up, everybody.

In the last year, we have lost

seven clients to the big chains.

These gift baskets are our ticket back into their lives.

We are going to show up at these businesses unannounced,

and we are going to win them back.

With gift baskets.

- With peanut brittle, with macadamia nut cookies,

with chocolate turtles, with raspberry jam,

and a little bit of fat and salt,

because, you know what, that's what people like.

Ever since I was a kid,

people have been telling me that I can't do things.

"You can't be on the team."

"You can't move on to second grade."

Well, now they're telling me that I can't win back clients

using old-fashioned business methods.

We'll see about that.

And, FYI, I eventually aced second grade,

and I was the biggest kid in class.

Okay, we're gonna split up into teams.

Jim, Phyllis.

Stanley, Dwight.

Me, Andy.

I'm not driving with him.

- [Andy] I'll go with you Stanley.

Or him.

- Why don't we just go by ourselves?

Why don't we just go as teams

to demonstrate our teamsmanship?

[Phyllis] Michael?

- Yes? - This is stupid.

- Okay, that's not helpful, Phyllis.

Business to business, the old-fashioned way.

No BlackBerrys, no websites.

I would like to see a website

deliver baskets of food to people.

- Giving gift baskets to our ex-clients

is not that bad an idea

because personalized customer service

is our one big selling point.

Michael's last good idea was three years ago

when he gave gift baskets to our current clients.

- How is giving people gift baskets

going to get our clients back?

- Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis.

Gift baskets are the essence of class and fanciness.

They are the ultimate present that a person can receive.

What about cash?

With cash you could buy whatever you want,

including a gift basket,

so it's kind of the best gift ever.

- What about a gift basket full of cash?

Yes, cash basket.

Nice work, Tuna.

- Fine, I'm just gonna by myself,

and I'm going to win them back by myself

because this is important to me.

Michael, wait, let me go.

No, this is my quest.

Please, let me go.

I need to win those clients back.

Please?

- Fine, then godspeed to both of us.

Why am I helping Michael?

It's not easy when a customer leaves you.

First there's sadness, then anger and self-blaming,

nausea, tears, sleepless nights.

So it can't be easy for Michael

to try and heal that relationship

and lay it all out on the table

and say, "Yes, our paper is significantly more expensive,

but deep down, you know, I can't live without you."

[Ryan] Good luck, Michael.

We don't need luck.

[Dwight] Yeah.

- But thank you, that was really nice of you to say.

[Dwight] Thank you.

- Odds are against us, but you know what?

History is full of examples of people

overcoming great odds to pull off miracles.

The 1980 men's Olympic hockey team

is one example.

Dwight, what's, how you doing?

I just felt that if we were to downsize Kelly,

and then outsource customer service to India,

which a lot of companies...

Yeah, no, yes, Kelly is Indian.

I understand that's confusing.

- Hey, brah, I've been meaning to ask you.

Can we get some Red Bull for these things?

Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right?

Later, skater.

- Nancy, by tomorrow at the latest, okay?

Sorry, what is this for?

Oh, it's not for anything.

It's just a token of the appreciation

of Dunder Mifflin Incorporated.

Yes.

- You do know we left you guys, right?

We do, we do.

But we valued your business,

and we just wanted you to know that,

straight from the horse's mouth.

Okay, well, thanks.

Well.

- Jill, I need this in the morning.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you for even considering

coming back to us, it's important.

And if you do decide to come back to us,

we will not stop you.

There's rum cake in there.

Oh, great.

(laughs)

Could you leave that on my desk?

Yes, I'll do exactly that.

Jack.

- She'll need that first thing in the morning.

That's the kind of customer service we provide.

You want me to finish passing those out?

- Ah, ah, ah, let's go, let's go.

- So when the customer makes an order,

it gets emailed directly to the warehouse,

and then a copy of the form goes to your inbox.

How do we bill them?

You don't.

The invoicing, the account reconciliation,

and all the followup claims

just go right to your BlackBerry.

So what do the accountants do?

- Well, unless there's a real problem client, nothing.

- This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us.

No, it's not.

Are you kidding me?

- It was already a stretch that they needed three of us.

Now they don't even need one.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- They can probably just have the corporate accountants

handle everything from New York.

I have a ton of debt.

I am terrible with money.

Losing this job is not an option for me.

It is time to turn on the old Malone charm.

- Sweet ride, American-made.

What happened to the Sebring?

It is in the body shop.

Had to have the dent taken out

of the hood where I hit Meredith.

Oh, that's a pain in the ass.

I know.

So who's next?

- Larry Myers, left a six months ago for Office Depot.

- [GPS] Proceed to the highlighted route,

then route guidance will begin.

Why do you use that thing?

It lets them know where you are at all times.

[Michael] Who?

- The government, spy satellites, private detectives.

Ex-girlfriends. (sobs)

- Next night, I'm out at a bar, 2:00 a.m.

I figure I'll get a sandwich,

'cause you can get a sandwich any time of the night.

I run into Vince Vaughn.

No way.

Literally.

Dude, you are so money,

but you don't even know it, but you do.

Later, guys.

- Yeah, later, dude. - Later, man.

Jim, how awesome is Ryan now?

- Yeah, he's definitely something.

What does that mean?

- That whole lifestyle, his whole vibe.

You find that appealing?

Ha, Tuna.

- Tuna, Tuna, Tuna. - Tuna, Tuna, Tuna.

- He has a killer job, he's rich.

He smells like what I think

Pierce Brosnan probably smells like.

He wears really cool rich guy clothes.

- And he can get any girl that he wants.

So, sorry, Tuna,

but if you don't know why that's awesome,

then you need awesome lessons.

Tuna, check you later.

'Cause he so money that he doesn't even know it.

Wow, those things are heavy.

There's a lot of stuff in there.

We have macadamia nut cookies.

The honey mustard pretzels.

Have you ever tried focaccia crisps?

- You know we closed our account with you, right?

Yes, we do.

We're with Office Depot now.

- Yes. - Yes, yes we know,

but we just have not gotten over you.

Well.

- And we are dedicated to providing you

with the very best customer service.

The very best personal business relationship.

That's exactly right.

- We can, if you ever decide to come back to us.

- Okay, I don't think we're coming back.

Please come back.

Okay, you know what?

Just enjoy the gift basket,

and remember that we provide a personal touch.

Remember what we had, Larry.

- I mean, really, it's about money.

- Well, just enjoy the gift basket.

- Okay, thanks. - All right.

- I mean, their website's really easy to use, too.

That's a big deal for us.

[Michael] That guy was so.

How can they not know how much better we are?

I don't know.

Sometimes people are just impossible

and they make you miserable.

[Michael] That is true.

- [Dwight] Like Angela in accounting.

[Michael] Yes, she is nuts.

- Ugh, no, she's wonderful, at accounting,

but she drives me crazy.

- [GPS] Make the next right turn.

How do they know?

How does this know where to turn?

That's very impressive.

- I'm there like two weeks, I walk out of the bar,

and I literally ran into Vince Vaughn.

- Really? - Yeah.

I talked to him for a bit, too.

He was, couldn't be cooler.

Wow, that is awesome.

- Did you tell Kelly? - It was really cool.

She'll freak out.

- Why would I, we're not together.

Why does everyone-

- Oh, no, no, no, I just figured, she likes celebrities.

- Anyway. - Anyway.

- You should come visit, the city is amazing.

I know, I love it there.

- No, you don't know until you live there.

There's something about waking up every morning

and just being in that city.

- Yeah, last time I was there I had a lot of fun.

- No, you can't imagine it though,

the energy when you're actually there.

You're just part of something bigger than you,

that's moving faster than you.

Your dreams are, just, everything feels so limitless.

- Sounds great. - No.

It's not about how it sounds.

Birdcage.

It's the awesomest.

Hold on one second.

Jim Halpert.

Hey.

- Oh, I'm so sorry I haven't called you.

Yeah.

Let me get that for you right now.

- And the last guy says, "No, hairy body."

- You know, I have heard it before.

- Ah, well, it's still very good.

I bet I know someone who hasn't heard that joke.

Your daughter, Emily, how's she doing?

- She's great, thanks for asking.

Great memory, by the way.

- She gonna be, like, 11 this winter?

Wow, they grow up so fast.

I have a few of my own that I want some day.

Listen, I don't wanna take any more of your time,

I know you're a very busy man.

The reason we have stopped by is to drop you off

this elaborate bag of goodies and to ask you to reconsider.

Oh, okay.

Okay, okay.

So you'll reconsider?

Okay, thanks for the goodies.

Ah.

Is that all you have to say?

- It looks delicious, I don't know.

You don't know?

Look, we want you back.

Can you offer lower prices?

Well, no.

Then we're not coming back.

- He's not coming back, it's over, Michael.

No, it's not.

- No, he's right. - No.

- Accept it, why would he come back?

Why would he come back?

I will tell you Dwight.

He would come back because we offer

a wide selection of products,

and because you're definitely not getting

the same sort of customer service

that you get with us, are you?

- That's not gonna change his mind, he's moving on.

We had our chance and we killed it.

Look.

We're also coming out with a website soon.

It's a state-of-the-art thing.

It'll be up and running.

It's gonna cut costs,

and it will make ordering much, much easier.

Oh, okay.

Well, when it's up, I'll check it out,

and if it really cuts costs, maybe we'll come back.

Great.

The magic of the gift basket.

- That I don't care about as much.

Let me know when the site's up.

Okay, good.

Don't let Emily have any of the Cajun almonds,

she's allergic.

Hey, Pam, I haven't settled on

a final design logo yet for Dunder Mifflin Infinity,

and I know you're into graphic design.

Do you wanna give it a shot?

Maybe try and design the logo?

Totally.

Cool, that would be great.

Can you do a couple mock-ups and I'll take a look?

- Yeah. - Thank you very much.

- Thank you. - Cool.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm gonna do some mock-ups,

and then turn those into thumbnails.

Maybe do some splash frames.

I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm excited.

[GPS] Proceed straight.

- [Dwight] Well, we're oh-for-six.

Last chance is the Elmhurst Country Club.

Other side of the lake on the southeast side.

[Michael] I don't get it.

I really don't get it, I thought this would work.

Threw everything I had at that guy and nothing.

- [Dwight] That's how it goes sometimes, you know.

You lose everything and everything falls apart,

and eventually you die and no one remembers you.

- [Michael] That is a very good point, Dwight.

[GPS] Make a right turn.

- [Dwight] Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no.

It means bear right up there.

- [Michael] No, it said right, it said take a right.

[Dwight] No, no, no, look.

It means go up to the right, bear right over the bridge

- and hook up with 307. - Make a right turn.

Maybe it's a shortcut, Dwight.

It said go to the right.

- [Dwight] It can't mean that, there's a lake there.

- [Michael] I think it knows where it is going.

This is the lake.

- The machine knows - This is the lake.

- Stop yelling at me. - No, it's up there.

There's no road here.

Remain calm, I have trained for this.

Okay, exit the window, here we go.

- [GPS] Make a U-turn if possible.

[Dwight] Look out for leeches.

Michael, are you okay?

Swim for it.

I got you, I got you.

Michael, Michael.

- [Michael] Let go, let go of me.

- Michael. - Come on.

- [Dwight] I've got you, I'm with you.

Come on, come on.

You sure you're okay?

Fine.

Good.

That is what's most important.

- Did you get the rental insurance?

Because that is pretty important, too, at a time like this.

- Malone set it up, now Malone knocks it down.

- Hey, Ryan. - Hey, Kev.

What's going on?

So corporate is great, huh?

I love it.

Awesome.

- Fire Guy. - Kevin.

I asked you specifically.

Right, dammit.

Well, I gave it my best shot.

If I go down, at least I can say that.

(tow truck rumbling)

- [Michael] What a disaster, this whole thing.

I'll call a cab.

- These people just don't realize what a gift basket means.

They don't get it.

- Look at that, still works, old-fashioned cell phone.

- Eh, what about that last guy, Aaron?

Boy, is he a jerk.

I don't even know if I want it.

Their website is so easy.

Yeah, well, you can have your technology, jackass.

Look where it got us.

- Yes, we need a cab at Lake Scranton,

at the end of East Mountain Road, in the lake.

Hang up.

You know what we're gonna do?

We're walking back.

We're walking back to that office,

and we're going to reclaim our gift basket.

Yes.

- We're gonna take what's rightfully ours.

We're gonna take a stand, Dwight.

We're gonna take a stand.

Take a stand.

- So it plays on the infinity thing without

- being obvious, you know? - Yeah, definitely.

- I'd love to do like a color version,

just bring a little color-

I like it a lot.

It's clear and subtle at the same time.

It's really good, you have a real talent for this stuff.

Thanks.

- I'd love to talk to you about it more.

That'd be great.

- Do you wanna go out to dinner tonight?

- Oh, is it-

Wear something nice.

No.

What?

I just wanted to have dinner

I'm dating Jim.

You're kidding.

We're together.

That's great, that's awesome.

Yeah, great.

So let me look at these.

Okay, great.

- Cool. - Great.

- I guess he can't get any girl he wants.

Please?

I will be back soon, and I really need to talk to you, okay?

I've realized some things, okay?

I'm so desperate.

Okay.

I love you.

Who was that?

Stanley.

Did you forget something?

What happened to you guys?

Give it back.

The gift basket, give it back.

What is this?

It's real simple.

If you don't appreciate what we do,

then give us back our basket.

Maybe you should leave.

- Yeah, maybe we should, maybe we should leave.

Come on, let's leave.

But before we leave, my wet friend and I

are gonna wait for our cabs on your nice couches.

Can you call us a cab, please?

I'm gonna, oh, sorry.

- [Michael] My clothes are so wet.

Nice leather.

Oh, my shoes are so muddy.

- All right, here you go, take it back.

It's been opened.

Yeah, it was mine.

What's missing?

The turtles.

Where are the turtles, where are the turtles?

- Come on, guys, get out of here.

Where are the turtles?

Where are they?

- Excuse me, I have an announcement to make.

We seem to be missing a box

of chocolate turtles with pecans,

and we will not be leaving the premises

until we obtain them.

Hand over the turtles now.

I ate them, okay?

I ate the turtles, they're gone.

We'll bill you.

- May I have your attention, please?

This office will not be using any new technology ever.

Starting now.

That is not correct.

- Ryan thinks that technology is the answer.

Well, guess what?

I just drove my car into a lake.

You did what?

- I drove my car into a (beep) lake.

Why, you may ask, did I do this?

Well, because of a machine.

A machine told me to drive into a lake and I did it.

I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology,

and look where it got me.

Into a lake.

Exactly.

Did you get any clients back?

Maybe, maybe not.

Time will tell.

But I will tell you one thing,

those gift baskets never endangered anybody's lives.

Game, set, match.

Point, Scott.

Game over.

End of game.

(glass jingling)

Everyone always wants new things.

Everybody likes new inventions, new technology.

People will never be replaced by machines.

In the end, life and business are about human connections,

and computers are about trying to murder you in a lake.

And, to me, the choice is easy.

get broken and mixed up,

and you wish that you could go back in time

and just open your heart like a book,

but time travel is not yet advisable, so plan B.

(elevator dings)

(elevator dings)

Hey, hey, listen.

I am sorry, okay?

I am so sorry about Sprinkles.

You don't mean it.

No, I don't.

And that should make my apology all the more meaningful.

I'm only doing it because of how much I love you.

Dwight, it's over.

I can't get past everything that happened.

I almost died today.

I almost drowned to death in a car,

and the only thing I could think of was,

I wish my Monkey were here with me.

Why, so I could die with you?

- No, that's not what I meant, I'm talking about-

You know what, stop it.

Just stop it, stop it.

We're no longer dating.

It's over.

And I'm sorry.

I'm not giving up, Monkey.

My name is Angela Martin,

and I'm your corporate accountant, period.

- Hey, Ryan, how do you like living in New York?

It's unbelievable.

There's no way to prepare yourself

for actually living there all the time.

There's so many people and so many sounds.

Like, when I come back here

and stay at my parent's house, it's too quiet.

Like a birdcage.

- [Ryan] It freaks me out, I can't sleep,

'cause it's too quiet, 'cause there's not enough happening.

Like, the real people that would wear that shirt, yeah.

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

[Jim] Mhm.

Oh, yes, hello, Mr. Phillips.

I have the file right here.

I've been waiting for your call.

Yep.

Tuesday's not gonna work.

[Pam] Probably 10 minutes.

- Yeah, well, no day's gonna work

- to get on the course. - Let's go through it.

- I can't, I'm unfortunately not allowed to do that.

Okay.

- N-1-G-S-M. - Yep, I totally agree.

I actually really want to know

what we're eating for dinner tonight.

I wanna get Thai food.

(upbeat music)