All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls - 05x03 - Written in the Stars.WEB-DL.tK.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Shaken, not stirred, please, Jeeves.

- His name is Robert.
- I thought every butler's name was Jeeves.

He's not a butler. He's a valet.

- So he parks your car?
- No, he does not park my car.

- He does exactly what you see him doing.
- So he's a bartender.

- He attends to my needs.
- So he's a geisha.

You'll be quieter once
you have a drink, I assume.

So, young lady...

you're starting your second
year of Yale this week.

Yeah. I move into Branford on Monday.

You're going to love Branford College.
That's where I lived, you know.

I know.

It's the oldest of Yale's
residential colleges.

They have these carillon bells
that are enchanting...

and it has, what was called
by Robert Frost...

the most beautiful college courtyard
in America.

I'll tell you what, Grandpa.
I'll get settled in...

- and then we can have lunch there.
- Now, that's a deal.

You wanted me to remind you...

that you were going to bring out
the Hungarian cheese, sir.

Yes, I did. I'll be right back.

- This is crazy.
- It depends on your definition of "crazy."

I, for one, found the Mariah Carey
phone messages to her fans...

just refreshingly imaginative.

We're having drinks in the pool house.

The last time I was in the pool house
was the last time I was in the pool.

- I know, I pushed you in.
- So, Grandpa's actually living out here?

- Looks like.
- Do you think he's happy?

I do. I think he's very happy out here with
his books and his special friend Robert.

Don't be gross.

What? I'm just saying,
two grown men out here alone...

with Hungarian cheese and swim trunks...

- Oh, jeez.
- Don't be so puritanical.

- After all, Heather has two mommies.
- All right, we have cheese, we have drinks.

- Do you each have a coaster?
- Kierkegaard.

- Schopenhauer.
- Excellent.

- Yes?
- Dinner is served in the main house.

I will tell Mr. Gilmore.

- Dinner is served in the main house.
- Oh, we haven't finished our drinks yet.

- But the Madam is ready now.
- Well, ladies, it's been a lovely evening.

- Until next week.
- Hold on, Dad.

Thank you, Grandpa.

- Yeah, thanks for the cheese, Dad.
- Bye.

Soup in 100-degree weather. Cool.

- I have the air-conditioning on, Lorelai.
- I like it, Grandma.

- My God, the sucking up.
- Stop it. Thank you.

It's fennel-potato puree,
with a touch of chili to give it spice.

I thought we could go more exotic
now that it's just us girls.

If you really want an exotic
girls' night out, Mom, let's hit Baja.

- So, Rory, tell me, what's new?
- Different room, same reaction.

- Nothing much.
- Really? What was new 20 minutes ago?

Excuse me?

What did you talk about
with your grandfather?

Well...

I mean, just because he gets
you first in the evening...

doesn't mean you get to waste
all the good stories on him.

I didn't waste...

So, you just tell me
everything you told him...

exactly as you told him, leave nothing out.

Okay.

I'm moving into
Branford College on Monday.

Robert Frost said that Branford...

has the most beautiful college courtyard
in America.

You don't say?

- You knew that?
- No.

- He told you that?
- No.

You've already discussed
everything there is to discuss.

- You're all talked out.
- We're not all talked out, Mom.

He gets you first, talks you out,
and I get two exhausted, empty shells.

What do you think you're doing?

I needed to get something
out of my study.

You are supposed to stay
in the pool house.

- That is what we agreed on.
- I am in the pool house.

- Really? Right now?
- No, not right now.

- I told you I had to get something.
- You should have made an appointment.

- To go into my own study?
- You don't live here anymore, Richard.

What if I was sitting in
the living room, stark naked?

You've never been in the living room,
stark naked.

You've never been stark naked.

We went skinny-dipping one night,
and you wore an overcoat.

The water was freezing!

- Crazy.
- You said it, Patsy Cline.

Okay, but think about it.
Why do we need the word "potty"?

Is it really that much harder
for a kid to learn the word "bathroom"?

I don't know.

"Timmy, do you have to go potty?"

Or "Timmy, do you have to go
to the bathroom?"

- See? Interchangeable.
- Not exactly interchangeable.

- How are they not interchangeable?
- To go potty is an action.

To go to the bathroom
is to go into a specific place.

- I hate the word "potty."
- What did you teach me to say?

- "Bathroom."
- You did?

- Yes, of course.
- I'm two, and I say:

"Mommy, Mommy I have to go to the"...

The room where legends die.

- What can I get you?
- A foster home.

You'll thank me one day. Hi.

- I'm working.
- Come on.

This is the beginning of a relationship.
You're supposed to act stupid.

I'll do the chicken dance
on my lunch break.

- Heading back to school?
- Yeah, sophomore year.

Anything you want, on the house.

I can't believe you won't flirt with me
in front of Rory.

She'll think there's
something wrong with me.

Please. I got that confirmation letter
a long time ago.

Scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese
and half bacon, half sausage.

- I'll have the same, and put it on her tab.
- You get your own tab.

Thank God you don't have a Latin accent,
or you'd be completely irresistible.

Coffee will be ready in a minute.

Be back in a second.

- You gestured?
- Those jeans are really working for you.

- Yeah?
- They're working for me, too.

- You're flirting with me.
- Something like that.

- Finally. Do it some more.
- Your shoes work well with that shirt.

- Gee, Carson, thanks.
- That's all I can do right now.

- People are watching.
- Okay.

But tonight I will give you
my extremely positive views...

- on other aspects of your being.
- Tonight?

- Are you free?
- Yeah, I'm free.

- Good. 7:30.
- What are we gonna do?

I've got some thoughts.

No taking me to an art museum
after hours...

and then to an empty Hollywood Bowl...

where you give me a pair
of diamond earrings...

you bought with your college money...

when all the time you're really
in love with your best friend...

the drummer, who's posing as
our driver for the evening.

- Okay, I'll think of something else.
- So, what do we say?

To people, to the town.
Do we tell them we're dating?

- I don't know. Do we?
- I don't know.

- I guess we could keep it quiet for a while.
- We could if that's what you want.

- No, that's not what I want.
- Why don't we just play it by ear?

- People will know when they know.
- Sounds good.

- Okay, so, 7:30?
- 7:30.

- You gonna watch me walk away?
- Yeah.

I'll add a little jaunt to it for you.

What was that all about?

We were just talking about
our date for tonight.

- A real date? Finally!
- Yeah, finally.

What are you gonna wear?

- Glass slippers, a backwards baseball cap...
- And nothing else.

Exactly.

- I'm very excited.
- Me, too.

- Hey, have you talked to...
- No.

Do you think you're going to before you...

- Oh, food. Thank God.
- Hot plates.

See? He called me "hot plates."
He so likes me.

The mail must be here.
The Farthingtons' dogs are apoplectic.

Ridiculous choice of animal.

A vicious three-inch ball of hair
and a bow...

a ridiculous pink bow,
for the vicious killers.

"Oh, watch out!

"Cecil Beaton and the Duke of Windsor
are headed straight for my shoes!"

Thank you.

I'd like some coffee
when you get a chance.

Did we ever hear back from Mr. Gilmore
about the Heart Association luncheon?

- I told his valet about it.
- And what a help that was.

Call his valet back...

and tell him I need a meeting
with Mr. Gilmore this afternoon.

- Yes, Mrs. Gilmore.
- Thank you.

Oh, shut up!

Careful. If you stain that, my grandmother
will hunt you down and kill you.

I wish that I was kidding. I'll get the door.

- Rory!
- Marty, hi!

It's nice to see you!

- So, are you living here?
- I'm living here.

That's great. So am I.
Sorry. I have to let these guys in.

- So, how was your summer?
- I met Nicole Richie...

and then spent the next
six weeks showering.

It should be open.

- Door's locked.
- Really? Sorry.

I thought that Paris would be here already.

Nice room.

I can't believe I beat Paris here.

I mean, normally, she would want
to get dibs on the best room first...

and set up the furniture
exactly the way she wants it.

- Maybe she's just late.
- Paris is never late.

- Paris, hey, it's Rory.
- Rory. Hello.

I'm in our room and I was just wondering
how I could have beat you here.

- I'll be there later.
- Are you okay? You sound funny.

- Asher's dead.
- What?

He died. Two weeks ago. In Oxford.

Paris, I'm sorry. How?

Heart attack. It was quick.

- Heart attack?
- Yes.

It wasn't during... Was it?

No, Rory.

This great man was not brought
down by my vagina, okay?

Okay. Sorry. I just... That's terrible.

He was teaching a Shakespeare class.

A Midsummer Night's Dream.

He was doing Puck,
and then suddenly he wasn't.

Oh, man!

And the class was so into his reading,
they didn't even get it.

They thought he was acting.
It was Dick Shawn all over again.

Where are you?

I'm in his flat, trying to get
his effects squared away...

and, of course, his family is
acting like spoiled children.

All they care about is what they get.
If I have to moderate...

one more argument
about the Chippendale desk...

I'm going to freak out.

And the lawyer handling his affairs
is a moron...

and don't even get me started
on the funeral.

He wanted to be cremated...

but if you'd seen how filthy
that crematorium was...

So I shipped him to Cambridge...

which apparently is known for
its cremation facilities.

That was a transportation nightmare...

and, of course, his daughter
was upset with the move...

- but where was she at Thanksgiving, huh?
- Is there anything I can do to help?

No. Thanks.

- I'm sad.
- I know.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Asher Fleming died.

- In bed?
- No.

Damn. I lost the pool.

Are you sure?

Jerry found her birth certificate
stashed in her bathroom.

I am not surprised.

She knew way too much about
sushi to be from Kentucky.

- Hi, ladies. What's the dirt today?
- Jerry Cutler's new wife, Annabel.

That name alone...

Turns out the 24-year-old
former Miss Magnolia Blossom...

had a little secret.

- What?
- Her birthday!

Seems that 24 is actually code for 36.

No!

Yep. Jerry, the moron,
wound up with a tramp...

who's actually a year older than
the wife he dumped her for.

- You got to love the karma.
- How's Jerry taking it?

He's getting his eyeglass
prescription checked.

- CNN's got nothing on you gals. See you.
- See you later, sugar.

So, you heard that Marilyn Horne
is actually a man?

I'm not surprised.

I sent the check off
to the landscaper a week ago.

He claims he hasn't received it.

- Well, he's lying.
- Shall I tell him that?

I will stop payment on the check
and issue another one.

Fine.

There's the issue of
the Gregorys' cocktail party on the fourth.

Even though they did miss
our Christmas party last year...

you are currently involved
in the business deal with Hamilton...

so one of us should probably attend.

- Jancy will definitely want you to be there.
- Fine. I'll go.

- No, that's all right. I should go.
- Fine. Then you'll go.

Though I had to go to the
Newmans' zoo auction last week.

- Fine. Then I'll go.
- No, it's my business. I'll go.

- Fine.
- Unless you would like to go.

- Moving on to the subject of your car...
- Excuse me?

You parked the Cadillac in the driveway
when you worked on it this weekend...

and it leaked oil all over the place.

It's a tiny stain, Emily.

It's a large stain, and I see it every day
when I walk in and out of the door.

Really? You can see the driveway
with your nose way up in the air like that?

I apologize. That was uncalled for.

I think you should restrict
your cars to their garages at all times.

I will park my cars anywhere I like.

You never used to leave your
cars in the driveway before.

- I park there when I work on them.
- Work on them somewhere else.

- Like where?
- What about the filling station?

- It's already filthy there.
- Are you seriously suggesting...

that I drive a priceless antique car
12 blocks away...

park it next to a broken-down Chevy,
and do my restoring there?

Yes.

So this is the way it's going to be
from now on.

- I suppose it is.
- A filling station will be fine.

Thank you.

I suppose we should discuss
the insurance papers.

I suppose we should.

I mean, I always thought I looked
a lot like my uncle Jerry...

and, gee, Mom seemed to really like him.

I cannot believe this.

After all this time,
your mother tells you now.

- I swear my dad looked relieved.
- He did not.

I heard him say, "Phew!"

That is amazing.

So, what did you do over the summer?

We so should have started with me.

Sorry.

- No, seriously, you couldn't see me there?
- Not everyone's staring at you, Colin.

I know you. Wait, don't tell me.
Was it in a uniform of some sort?

Maytag repairman.

I've bartended for you. For your parties.

That's right, you have.
You're a talented man.

- He makes a kick-ass margarita.
- Thanks.

It's good to see you again.
What's your name?

Marty. This is Rory.

Hi. So, assuming your services
are still for hire this year...

your financial situation
hasn't changed at all?

- Nope.
- Good. Okay.

I'll give you a call. Where are you living?

- Branford.
- Excellent. Branford. All right.

Good to run into you.

Excellent shirt, really.
I can see what you see in him.

- Don't be an ass, Colin.
- Me? Never.

I'm a friend to all people,
large and very, very small.

- I kind of hate those guys.
- Really? I can't see why.

I moved some things around.
I also switched our rooms.

Now, mine may seem bigger,
but yours gets less sun...

so you don't have to worry
about melanoma.

- Hey.
- What?

- I'm sorry.
- Thanks.

- So, how are you holding up?
- I'm fine.

I'm actually relieved to be anywhere...

that people aren't arguing over
the first-edition Faulkners.

His granddaughter, Sarah, is the worst.

If she thought the casket
was worth anything...

she would have stuffed it in her purse.

Paris, you don't have to take care
of all this. It's not up to you.

I know.

It's just, I want his memory
to be respected.

It will be.

I still can't believe he's gone.

- He left me his manuscripts.
- Wow!

Yeah. If Sarah finds out...

it's going to be
the Mountain Girl trial all over again.

Listen, I want to have a wake.

- A what?
- A wake in Asher's honor, here.

We'll give others the chance
to pay their respects...

to say goodbye.

People are going to want this closure.
I just think it's the right thing to do.

- Sure.
- Thank you.

Hello?

Larry. Larry, no.

I'm sorry, did you take the bar
or just hang out in one?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I was...
- No, I was just coming to...

Pick you up. Was I not supposed to?

No, I figured I'd meet you at the diner.

- I guess we should have discussed.
- No. I should have assumed...

- We usually...
- But this is a date...

so the guy usually does,
in the truck, and so...

- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.

- I could go back inside.
- No, this is fine.

- You're out now, so...
- We should go.

- We should go.
- Okay.

- You don't have to get the... Okay.
- No, it's...

There you go.

- We'll get better at this.
- Yeah.

- Wow, very Prancing Pony.
- This way, please.

- Your table, miss.
- Why, thank you, sir.

- "Reserved."
- I told you I'd planned the evening.

Weren't we supposed to let
someone who works here seat us?

Not necessary.

- Is this like a Mafia thing?
- Excuse me?

The whole coming in,
special table, "reserved" sign...

We gonna have to whack
someone before the soup course?

No, I've filled my whacking
quota for the week.

- Dirty?
- Extremely.

- Thought so.
- Lucas!

How you doing, Maisy?

- What, you just seat yourself now?
- I told him.

We run a nice place here, Lucas,
not like that hash joint of yours.

And this must be your young lady.
Hello, there. I'm Maisy.

- Hi. I'm Lorelai. I love your place.
- It used to be a whorehouse.

- Oh, my.
- I like that it's got a tarty history.

- The best places do.
- And the best people.

The best people. I like that.
Buddy! Will you sit down?

- You pulled me up.
- Buddy, this is Lorelai.

- Lorelai. Hello, Lorelai.
- Hello, Buddy.

This is very exciting for us
because Lucas never brings his girls here.

Lori, some sparkling water
and champagne.

- And a beer.
- You're on a date, you drink champagne.

- You're at a ball game, you drink beer.
- My goodness, what a big menu.

Don't bother looking, whatever you order,
they'll bring you something different.

Hey, what about the...

Yeah, good. With garlic and...

No, no, no. No garlic.
I mean, give the boy a chance.

Lorelai, nice to meet you.

And he's a special one, this guy.

That's the word on the street.

They know you.

Actually, I come here
two, three times a week.

Breakfast, dinner,
whenever I have the time.

- Oh, my God, Luke has a Luke's.
- I've known Maisy and Bud my whole life.

- Maisy went to school with my mother.
- Really?

Yeah, and then later on
when my dad died...

and I wanted to turn the
hardware store into a diner...

- Buddy really helped me out.
- That's so nice.

He's a good guy.

He really showed me how to run a
restaurant, how to order, everything.

I mean, I couldn't have
done it without him.

- I love this place.
- It's a great place. Very old.

How long have they owned it?

Actually, the story of that
is on the back of the menu.

Cool.

A story of love."
A story of love.

"Maisy Fortner and Bertram Buddy Linds...

"met at a high-school basketball game.
She was playing, he was not.

"They fell in love, got married.

"Buddy went to work at a dairy
and Maisy worked at the school...

"but they dreamed to someday
own a restaurant...

"so that all of their friends
and family could come...

"and eat and visit and laugh
with them every single day."

Buddy hated working at that dairy.

"One day Sniffy, their beloved dog,
ran away.

"Maisy and Buddy
searched high and low for him.

"Finally they stumbled past
a dilapidated old tavern...

"that had been boarded-up for years.

"They heard a dog howling.

"They forced open the door,
and there was Sniffy...

"stuck underneath a fallen beam.

"Maisy and Buddy pulled Sniffy free...

"and rushed him to the vet...

"where he immediately went
into emergency surgery."

Oh, my God.
Did Paul Thomas Anderson write this?

- Edit, people.
- You don't have to read the whole thing.

- There's not gonna be a quiz.
- I'm almost done.

"Four hours later, Sniffy was dead."

Sniffy was dead?

Are you serious?
Where's the happy ending?

That's what happened.

People don't read the back of the menu
to find out what really happened.

They read the back of the menu
to be happy, to be uplifted.

That's why they read
the back of the menu.

Not that many people
read the back of the menu.

Did you know about
the whole Sniffy thing?

If it makes you feel better,
Sniffy was 150,000 years old.

You're lying.

Thank you.

- Here's to you.
- I'll drink to that.

Yep, I definitely hate champagne.

- This is nice.
- Good.

- Do you remember the first time we met?
- What?

I'm just trying to remember
the first time we met.

- It must have been at Luke's, right?
- It was at Luke's, it was at lunch...

it was a very busy day,
the place was packed...

and this person...

Is it me? Is it me?

This person comes tearing into the place
in a caffeine frenzy.

Oh, it's me.

I was with a customer. She interrupts me,
wild-eyed, begging for coffee.

So I tell her to wait her turn.

Then she starts following me around...

talking a mile a minute,
saying God-knows-what.

So finally I turn to her...

and I tell her she's being annoying.

Sit down, shut up,
I'll get to her when I get to her.

You know, I bet she took that very well,
'cause she sounds just delightful.

She asked me what my birthday was.

I wouldn't tell her.
She wouldn't stop talking.

I gave in. I told her my birthday.

Then she opened up the newspaper
to the horoscope page...

wrote something down,
tore it out, handed it to me.

God, seriously,
you wrote the menu, didn't you?

So, I'm looking at this piece of paper in my
hand and under "Scorpio"...

she'd written,
"You will meet an annoying woman today.

"Give her coffee and she'll go away."

- I gave her coffee.
- But she didn't go away.

She told me to hold on
to that horoscope...

put it in my wallet,
and carry it around with me...

one day it would bring me luck.

Man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee.

I can't believe you kept this.

You kept this in your wallet?

- You kept this in your wallet.
- Eight years.

Eight years.

Lorelai, this thing we're doing here,
me, you...

I just want you to know I'm in.

I am all in.

Does that...

Are you scared?

I can't believe you kept that horoscope.

You're just lucky
I never clean out my wallet.

You can't take it back now.

You've exposed yourself.
You've been pining for me.

- I have not been pining.
- I'm your Ava Gardner.

God help me.

Okay.

Let's get something
out of the way right now.

What?

What are you doing?

Tell me what CDs to get
so I don't have to hear about it.

Seriously?

And skip any '80s groups
where the guys dressed up like pirates.

I draw the line at pirates.

This has been a really great first date.

It only took us eight years to get here.

Okay. So, U2, right?

Yeah, Bono is a must, and Blondie...

and Sparks...

especially the new one, plus Bowie.

Okay, I know he dressed up like a pirate.

- Spaceman.
- Spaceman I can deal with.

Sorry. I forgot to turn the alarm off.

Bad alarm. Bad, bad alarm.

- What time is it?
- Early.

Hate early. Must kill early.

I gotta get up.

Why?

Work. Inn. Buy shoes.

My God, I can't move. I need coffee.

I don't have coffee up here.
It's all downstairs.

Downstairs.

Where are you going?

- Well, I think people are gonna know.
- What? What are you talking about?

- Why are you wearing my shirt?
- I put it on to go get coffee.

- Downstairs?
- Well, you don't keep it upstairs.

- The diner's open.
- You're kidding!

You walked into the diner like that?

I didn't think the diner
could open without you.

- I had Caesar open.
- He did, with a floor show.

Okay, so, maybe nobody noticed.

- Look at me!
- Okay, yes.

- But you wear crazy outfits all the time.
- They usually include pants.

Okay, so they know. So what?

I mean, they're gonna find out
eventually, right?

Right.

- So, we'll hear about it for a few days.
- Few weeks.

Six months of hearing about it,
but then it'll die down.

We'll be used to it.

And everything will get back to normal.
So, okay, they know.

- It's out.
- It's out.

Where's your coffee?

I'm getting your coffee.

I need more candles.

Check my trunk.
I think my mom put some in there.

That's a lot of books you got there.

The very fact that the bookstore
had any in stock...

shows the sad nature
of American reading habits.

- Do you need some help with those?
- I got this, but...

Here, you can put these up.

You made flyers.

Anyone who wants to pay
tribute to this great man...

- deserves the opportunity.
- I'm on it.

Okay, Finn, last building.
Please say it looks familiar.

- Apparently it doesn't look familiar.
- No, hold on. Hold on.

Yes. Here. This is where she lives.

- Excuse me. Can I help you?
- No, thanks.

Don't put your number.
Don't put your number!

I'm not putting my number,
I'm putting your number.

That's my room.

Okay, put my number.

- Are you sure this is your room?
- I'm sure.

- I could have sworn it was her room.
- What's her name? Maybe I know her.

- It was short.
- I can understand your disappointment...

losing a potential soul mate
like that, but that is my room.

I'm sorry about the mix-up.
My friend here, he means no harm.

He just has to learn that
Guinness and blondes don't mix.

Redheads.

We sincerely apologize...

and we will now leave you
to finish putting up your poster of...

this really old guy.

- Professor Asher Fleming.
- What, they were out of Orlando Bloom?

Professor Fleming died last week.
We're throwing him a wake.

- Okay, so were you and Fleming...
- No!

Sorry. Just, you're putting
a poster of him up in your hallway.

You can see why I get the impression
he's a little bit more than a teacher.

Well, he was more than a teacher.

He was a great writer and an inspiration
and many other things...

that you couldn't possibly understand.

You don't like me.
You don't know me, but you don't like me.

I know you.

- You do?
- We met yesterday.

- With Marty.
- Marty?

Marty, my friend Marty.
He bartended for you...

Yes, Marty. I'm sorry. It slipped my mind.

Of course, I met you yesterday with Marty.
Nice to see you again...

Rory!

Nice to see you again, Rory.
You're looking well. Angry works for you.

I'm not angry, I'm just irritated.

- By me.
- Yes.

Because I forgot for a moment
who you were?

No, because you speak to people
as if they're below you.

- People?
- Marty.

Your friend Marty?

Yes, you talked to him like he was dirt,
and that's why I'm looking at you like this.

Sorry. What did I say that was so bad?

I said hello, and I think I said he made
a kick-ass margarita.

It's not what you said, it's how you said it.

- And how'd I say it?
- Like Judi Dench.

Just because somebody
doesn't have money...

or a fancy family
doesn't mean they're inferior to you.

I agree.

Just because somebody is a bartender
at a party for you and your friends...

that doesn't mean that you can
talk to them like a servant.

Well...

What?

I hired him, I paid him, he served.
That's what a servant does.

- Are you serious?
- For the sake of argument.

- He was doing a job.
- A job he took willingly.

- Some people have to work.
- And I bet if you ask him...

he'll tell you he made excellent tips,
'cause my friends enjoy their refill.

- Not the point.
- To a bartender, tips are the point.

Just because you pay somebody it doesn't
mean that you can speak to them...

as if they're beneath you.

Actually, the fact
that this is a free country...

means I can speak to anyone
in any manner which I choose.

However, the rules of a civilized society...

may frown upon a certain obvious
show of snobbery...

- so if that's your argument...
- I don't have an argument.

I can give you a moment to formulate one
if you want to continue.

- I'm busy!
- You concede.

I don't like it when people hurt my friends.

And you react when goaded.

I am not goaded. I am so far from goaded.
Get out your compass...

and I will show you how far
from goaded I am.

I think we got a serious debater
in our midst.

Logan, I found her.

Tell Marty I said hi...

and I promise to remember you
instantly next time.

Now, tell me that wasn't fun.

- Master and Commander.
- The movie?

No, that's what I want you
to call me from now on.

I just wanted to smell like him again.

You didn't! You didn't.

- Morning, ladies.
- Morning, sugar.

Samson and Delilah Sapperstein
got back together.

I'm not surprised.
Those two belong together.

Well, it's nice that they made up.

That means they're bound to have
one of their fabulous fights very soon...

which we need
because things are slow around here.

I hear that.

They're lowering the free-parking limit
at the drugstore.

You only get 20 minutes free
with validation instead of 30.

"Times, they are a-changin'."

So, I'm gonna go. I gotta get to work.

- Bye, honey.
- Give Rory a kiss for us.

I will.

Okay.

Did you notice that one side
of Rosella's butt implant deflated?

Well, if your doctor accepts a coupon...

- Nobody knows.
- What?

- I swear.
- How do you know?

I walked by Hello! Magazine
this morning...

they mentioned nothing.

Well, maybe they're just trying to be,
I don't know, respectful about it.

Babette? Miss Patty?

Well, maybe they're trying
not to embarrass you.

Babette? Miss Patty?

Well, maybe... I'm out.

Has anyone mentioned it to you?

No, but, seriously, who's
gonna mention it to me?

Babette? Miss Patty?

No, it's been very quiet.

- They have to know.
- Maybe they don't care.

Well, that's kind of a bummer.

- Why?
- I don't know.

You at least want them
to have some interest.

Let's just look at it this way:

It's out. We don't have to worry about it.
We can just go on.

We still on for tonight?

Liz Taylor and Richard Burton couldn't go
outside without people noticing.

Well, I'll get drunk, you gain 500 pounds,
and we'll give it another go.

- Pick me up at 7:00?
- Pick you up at 7:00.

Okay, bye.

Madonna Louise!

Can I get you some dessert, Mrs. Gilmore?

- No, thank you.
- Very good, Mrs. Gilmore.

- And don't run the dishwasher. It's not full.
- I won't, Mrs. Gilmore.

I smelled something funny earlier in the
northeast corner of the kitchen.

- I sprayed for ants this afternoon.
- Madonna Louise...

I told you. You never spray that poison
all over the place.

You simply have to kill the scout ants...

so they don't go back
and tell the rest of them...

- where the food is.
- I know.

You kill the scouts...

or you use the chalk that we
bought in Chinatown last month.

- Okay, Mrs. Gilmore.
- Madonna Louise?

- Yes, Mrs. Gilmore?
- It was a lovely omelet.

Thank you, Mrs. Gilmore.

- How did I get rooked into this?
- I'm irresistible?

Yeah. Have I mentioned
I hate town meetings?

No. I thought you said
you hate clown bleedings...

which I totally agree with.

No. Is tonight raffle night?
I can't deal with raffle night.

No, it's not raffle night.

Look, I promise we won't stay for the
whole thing. It'll be a stop-by.

We'll just run in and get the headlines
so I have something to tell Rory...

and then we're off to the movie.

Do not get used to me going
to these town things.

Just because you like them
does not mean that I will ever like them...

or tolerate them or go to them.

- Other than tonight.
- Yes, other than tonight.

- And next Thursday.
- I did not say I would go next Thursday.

What the hell is next Thursday?

- Hello?
- Lorelai? Thank God I found you.

- Hi, Mom.
- The most bizarre thing has happened.

It's 7:30 at night,
I had just finished my dinner...

I was about to go upstairs and read,
and I suddenly heard a car.

I ran to the window just in time
to see your father driving away.

He was driving away at 7:30 at night!

Lorelai!

Was he driving backwards
or with his feet?

Where was your father going
at 7:30 at night?

- Well, maybe he had a business meeting.
- At 7:30 at night?

What, has he suddenly
become a bootlegger?

Mom, I'm sorry.
I'm about to go into a thing.

Can we talk about this later?

Absolutely. Far be it for me to intrude
on whatever vague event you're going to.

Great! Thanks, Mom. Bye. Your fault.

- How was that my fault?
- Because you preoccupied me...

with all your yammering
about the meeting...

so I wasn't thinking...

and I didn't check to see who
was calling before I answered.

Boy, it's nice to finally
have someone to blame.

- And then I looked, backed up...
- No.

- I did, too, back up.
- You backed up. You didn't look.

You got in, you turned on your car,
and then you whipped out of that space...

like you were Lizzie Grubman.

Do we have timing or what?

- I did not.
- Andrew, you did, too.

I distinctly remember
looking in my mirror and seeing nothing.

- Except me.
- I didn't see you.

- Liar.
- I am not a liar.

Thank you for coming.
Please feel free to take a book.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Interesting crowd.

Yeah, most of the people have
no idea they're at a wake.

They think it's some weird theme party.

I've spent the entire evening
trying to get people...

to stop referring to Asher
as "the old dead dude."

Does Paris know?

- Paris, thank goodness, is Paris.
- Hi, Marty. Thank you for coming.

- Please help yourself to a book.
- The wake seems to be going well.

It is. I'm very pleased with the turnout.

I mean, I knew he was beloved,
but this is overwhelming.

You know, it's funny...

but Asher died right at the
height of my passion for him.

I kind of wonder what would have
happened if he had lived.

Would I have stayed in love
with him forever?

- I don't know.
- He died before I could find out.

Now I'll always be in love with him.

He's my Mike Todd.

- We're going to dinner after the movie.
- I know.

All those who think Andrew
was in the wrong, arms raised.

All those who think that Gypsy
was at fault, arms raised.

The majority rules.

Gypsy is at fault for the fender-bender
outside the Stars Hollow Garden Center...

and shall be responsible
for all said damages.

We have got to get a courthouse
in this town!

All right, let's move on
to the next order of business.

A very serious matter has been
brought to our attention...

and I would like to bring
to the floor for discussion...

the possible negative ramifications
of the inn owner and diner owner dating.

- That's us.
- They're talking about us.

Now, as you all know...

the relationship we have feared
for some time has emerged...

and we need to carefully consider
whether or not we can support this.

- Oh, my God.
- We're sitting right here!

Yes, we see you, Luke,
and, as a member of the town...

you are welcome to voice your opinion.

- Voice my...
- I open the floor up for discussion.

All right. I'll start.
Luke's Diner is a staple in this town.

Most of us eat there on a regular basis.

The Dragonfly Inn,
though newer than Luke's Diner...

has also become very important
in our community.

The commingling of the owners
of these two establishments...

can only set the stage for disaster.

- What the hell is he talking about?
- He's not happy with our commingling.

Think of the consequences.

What will happen
when the relationship goes sour...

as, let's face it,
most of Lorelai's relationships do?

- Hey.
- We'll have to choose.

Suddenly you'll either be
a Luke or a Lorelai...

or, if you're Kirk and you can't make a
decision to save your life, you'll be neither.

He's probably right.

That's bad for the economy,
bad for the town. I vote against this.

- Are they gonna make us break up?
- I think you're overreacting, Taylor.

People, do I have to remind you
about Fay Wellington and Art Brush...

- huh, do I?
- Yeah.

Fay owned a flower shop,
and Art owned a candy store...

and they fell madly in love
about 10 years ago.

Big romance!

And, for a while, it all worked
very synergistically.

Flowers and candy seemed
like a perfect match...

Until Art met Margie.

- The Fudge Queen.
- That was bad.

The whole town split
right down the middle.

Suddenly, you could buy flowers
or you could buy candy.

- Valentine's Day was a nightmare.
- Par for the course for me.

Eventually, the hostility
forced Art to move.

Fay never married.
She stopped making candy.

It was very sad.

And those storefronts
were empty for a year.

No one wanted to be there.

God, this sounds terrible.
Maybe they have a point.

- No, they don't have a point.
- Well, what if something happens?

This is crazy.
I don't believe for one minute...

that the break-up of
Fay Wellington and Art Brush...

affected the economy of this town one bit.

Lucky for you, I brought charts.

You have charts concerning the romance
of two people...

who used to live here 10 years ago?

We think Fay still lives in the caves
above the Clancys' mill.

We can't prove it, but every so often...

we hear Delta Dawn playing over and over.

- Hello?
- Your father came home at 8:30.

He went inside the pool house
for five minutes...

and he got back in his car,
and he drove away again.

Mom, this is really not a good...

He's traipsing all over the place
at all hours of the night.

Where are you? You sound very far away.

- Park Road.
- Park Road. Why?

I'm not gonna be the one
that sits at home alone in the dark...

like an Italian widow.

If he can go out,
then I can go out, so I went out.

Well, good for you.

I figured I'd have dinner.
I already had dinner.

But if Richard's having two dinners,
then I can have two dinners...

so I went to a place I used to eat at
when I was in college.

And do you know what I found?

It's a lube-and-tune with an
X-rated T-shirt store next door.

Mom, this is silly.
Why don't you just go home?

- I'm not gonna be the first one back.
- How long are you gonna drive around?

Until I'm sure your father came home.
Let him worry about where I was all night.

- Look, I can't talk right now.
- Well, I'm not done.

- I'll call you later.
- I could be dead later.

Call one of your friends.

No one knows about the separation
except you and Rory.

I'm sorry, Mom. I'm in the middle of
something very important.

This is important, too.
Meet me for a coffee.

Mom, I can't, and Rory just moved in,
and she's at school getting settled...

so if you really can't talk
to one of your friends...

I'm sorry, but we're gonna
have to finish this later.

Fine.

I think that map's a little off.

Luke would definitely take
the northwest block...

'cause it's near the fishing hole.

Okay, that's it. I've heard enough.

This is my relationship...

mine, not yours, not yours, not yours.

Yours, but not yours.

Mine and hers...

but not yours!

There's not gonna be any more debating...

about whether or not it's a good idea
if we're in a relationship...

'cause we're in a relationship.

- Show them the horoscope.
- But in the event of a break-up...

- There's not going to be a break-up.
- Well, isn't he the optimistic fellow?

Fine. In case of a break-up, I'll move.

I'll close up Luke's Diner,
I'll go far, far away...

and that way you won't have
to choose, okay?

- Every section in town can be pink.
- Can we have your word on that?

You can have my word and a couple
middle fingers on that, Taylor.

Get that down. We have his word.
And leave out the part about the fingers.

All right, people, it seems that the issue...

of Gilmore and Danes v. Stars Hollow
has been resolved.

See you all next week...

when everyone gets fingerprinted
for the government.

Meeting adjourned.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- You still in?
- You bet I am.

- Oh, my God.
- What? What's the matter?

- Hello?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

For what?

- Rory.
- Grandma.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Well, what is going on here?
- I have to hang up now.

- Have I mentioned I'm sorry?
- Bye.

Wow, this is a surprise.

I simply had to get out of the house,
and your mother told me you were home...

so I thought I'd come by and say hello.

Why are there pictures
of Asher Fleming everywhere?

This is a wake for Professor Fleming.
He died.

You'd think your grandfather
could have mentioned that to me, but no.

I bet he'll make me go
to that insufferable man's funeral, though.

- He was cremated.
- Thank God.

Emily!

It means so much to me that you came.

Well, yes. Asher was very devoted
to his students.

Now, there's no need to cry.
Yale is full of excellent teachers.

Root beer?

Yeah. Thanks, Marty, for everything.
You've been such a huge help tonight.

For you, anything.

Hey, Rory?

Do you...
I mean, how come you don't have a...

- Do you have a boyfriend?
- What?

I'm just curious.
You don't mention anyone.

There's no one here you seem to be with...

so I was just wondering
what the deal was.

I don't know.

You... Okay.

So, what exactly does that mean,
"I don't know"?

- I don't know.
- Okay.

I mean, 'cause that's usually
the kind of thing you know.

- I know.
- So you don't know. Okay.

- Will you excuse me for a minute, Marty?
- Sure.

And then he just takes off
out of nowhere at 7:30 at night.

Thank you, Thomas. I'll need a napkin.