Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,821 --> 00:00:04,501
'This programme contains
very strong language
2
00:00:04,541 --> 00:00:07,221
from the outset and throughout.'
3
00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,341
Oi!
4
00:00:27,821 --> 00:00:30,381
Little Lord Fauntleroy!
5
00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:32,901
Oi! Shirley Temple!
6
00:00:32,941 --> 00:00:34,741
Oh, no, you don't!
7
00:00:34,781 --> 00:00:36,301
These are BRITISH fields
8
00:00:36,341 --> 00:00:40,301
and whatever's found on British
fields, stays in British hands.
9
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,061
What?
I said,
10
00:00:42,101 --> 00:00:45,421
what the fuck are you doing
scavenging on my field?!
11
00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:49,301
YOUR field?
Correction - this is no man's land.
12
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:52,261
This is the unoccupied buffer
between our two fiefdoms.
13
00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:54,141
Talk fucking normal!
14
00:00:54,181 --> 00:00:56,381
I'm just as entitled
to be on here as you.
15
00:00:56,421 --> 00:00:57,901
And I'm not scavenging.
16
00:00:57,941 --> 00:01:01,141
I'm looking for irreplaceable items
that have been stolen,
17
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:03,901
in the dead of night, from my house.
18
00:01:03,941 --> 00:01:06,421
Oh, yeah. What items?
Never mind what items.
19
00:01:06,461 --> 00:01:09,061
But the perpetrators
made their way across here,
20
00:01:09,101 --> 00:01:12,461
and the beady eye of suspicion
points to your thieving friends.
21
00:01:12,501 --> 00:01:16,301
Hey, that's fucking libel!
That's fucking slander...
22
00:01:16,341 --> 00:01:19,141
I don't know what it fucking is
but it's something.
23
00:01:19,181 --> 00:01:21,901
Imaginary line
right down the middle.
24
00:01:21,941 --> 00:01:23,741
My half, your half.
25
00:01:23,781 --> 00:01:25,741
Now fuck right off.
26
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,781
Well, I'm warning you -
so pass it on -
27
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,421
I'm going high tech, low tech,
28
00:01:29,461 --> 00:01:31,781
and every fucking tech
in between over there.
29
00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:34,141
It's gonna be like Alcatraz,
Fort Knox...
30
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,301
Bold Lane car park.
31
00:01:38,461 --> 00:01:41,301
Ah, probably an old fucking tin can.
32
00:01:43,861 --> 00:01:45,741
Hey. Hey.
33
00:01:45,781 --> 00:01:50,021
This is still my land, so whatever
you find there is fucking mine!
34
00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:52,901
# The best things in life
are free...
35
00:01:52,941 --> 00:01:55,461
Tom! You're being
fucking unreasonable.
36
00:01:55,501 --> 00:01:57,501
I'm not being unreasonable, right?
37
00:01:57,541 --> 00:02:00,901
I am the proprietor of Hawley's
premiere mobile erotic parlour -
38
00:02:00,941 --> 00:02:02,221
Fuck truck.
39
00:02:02,261 --> 00:02:05,861
Yeah... And as such...
I cannot be sharing
40
00:02:05,901 --> 00:02:09,421
me storage-cum-office space with
my one-time co-assistant manager.
41
00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:12,661
Excuse me! I'm trying to set up
a business for us, Tom, right?
42
00:02:12,701 --> 00:02:15,181
I need a proper desk.
Have you been downstairs, Erin?
43
00:02:15,221 --> 00:02:16,781
Yeah.
It's a pub. It's full of 'em.
44
00:02:16,821 --> 00:02:18,901
I can't run a business
off a sticky pub table!
45
00:02:18,941 --> 00:02:22,421
May I introduce you to your friend
and mine, the humble wet wipe.
46
00:02:22,461 --> 00:02:24,821
You are fucking sharing.
47
00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:28,861
Oh! What do you want, Jimbo?
48
00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:31,021
# DOVES: Black And White Town
49
00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:49,181
JIM: Hey, where do you think
it leads?
50
00:02:49,221 --> 00:02:50,701
Yes, it's quite curious.
51
00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:53,541
Maybe it leads UNDERGROUND,
you fucking lemon.
52
00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:56,941
Well, obviously it leads
underground, but THEN where?
53
00:02:56,981 --> 00:02:59,421
All right, come on, then.
Let's fucking see.
54
00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:04,501
Right, here we go. Are we ready?
Yes. Come on.
55
00:03:04,541 --> 00:03:06,621
Oh, yeah!
56
00:03:06,661 --> 00:03:09,181
Well, whatever it is,
it's been here for decades.
57
00:03:09,221 --> 00:03:11,301
Hey. Maybe it's Roman.
It's not Roman!
58
00:03:11,341 --> 00:03:13,941
It's not Roman, you plum.
It's a fucking padlock on it.
59
00:03:13,981 --> 00:03:15,861
Heave it up.
60
00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:20,901
Oh, my giddy aunt's vagina!
61
00:03:20,941 --> 00:03:23,701
Fuck dude, it's super big down here.
62
00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:25,741
Come on, Shirley, come on, lad.
63
00:03:25,781 --> 00:03:29,701
Hey, this goes right under my field.
SHIRLEY: It's in MY field.
64
00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:32,661
ERIN: There's a light switch.
65
00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:33,981
Come on, then.
66
00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:36,621
SHIRLEY: I'm getting a vision
of a large circular table
67
00:03:36,661 --> 00:03:39,421
and still seated,
six human skeletons.
68
00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:40,661
Shut up.
ERIN: Stinks.
69
00:03:40,701 --> 00:03:42,901
Come on, Jimbo.
Here we go. Here we go.
70
00:03:42,941 --> 00:03:44,501
Ready?
71
00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:47,061
ERIN: Right, be careful.
72
00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:50,901
Yeah... Wow.
Easy, easy.
73
00:03:51,741 --> 00:03:53,941
Hello!
Fucking hell!
74
00:03:53,981 --> 00:03:56,901
Me fucking heart! Bastard!
You could have fucking killed him.
75
00:03:56,941 --> 00:03:59,221
Could've killed him,
but sadly he's still standing.
76
00:03:59,261 --> 00:04:00,981
Fucking hell.
Ah.
77
00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:02,981
What the fuck?
78
00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:06,221
Are you joking me?
Are you twisting my fucking melon?
79
00:04:06,261 --> 00:04:09,101
It's incredible.
ERIN: It's quite damp, isn't it?
80
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,221
Oh, dude look at it!
81
00:04:11,261 --> 00:04:12,981
No way!
82
00:04:13,021 --> 00:04:15,221
There's a fucking tea cups
and a teapot!
83
00:04:15,261 --> 00:04:17,301
Jeez. Oh, my fucking God.
Oh, my God.
84
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,981
I'm telling you now, this is
a fucking war bunker, in't it?
85
00:04:20,021 --> 00:04:21,981
It's from the Second World War
or summat.
86
00:04:22,021 --> 00:04:24,981
Cables and wires run
all the way through here, yeah?
87
00:04:25,021 --> 00:04:29,181
So, surely we could get fucking
leccy down here again, couldn't we?
88
00:04:29,221 --> 00:04:32,021
Potentially, yeah.
Well, actually, in that case...
89
00:04:32,061 --> 00:04:36,581
congratulations, Erin, we might
have just found...your new office.
90
00:04:36,621 --> 00:04:38,261
How's about that?
Fuck right off.
91
00:04:38,301 --> 00:04:41,261
No, I mean fucking weed grow,
you dick ends, don't I?
92
00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:42,541
Oh.
Weed grow?
93
00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:44,741
Look at it.
It's bloody perfecto, in't it?
94
00:04:44,781 --> 00:04:47,661
No-one's ever gonna find
this fucking place. Not one fold.
95
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:49,861
Never mind
your nefarious activities.
96
00:04:49,901 --> 00:04:52,181
This is heritage, history -
Activities...
97
00:04:52,221 --> 00:04:55,381
That is a good idea, Vin,
and as your new landlord,
98
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,861
I'll be wanting six months rent
in advance.
99
00:04:57,901 --> 00:04:59,381
Is that what you'd like?
Yes.
100
00:04:59,421 --> 00:05:01,941
I'll give it you now, you gobshite.
Ah, you bastard!
101
00:05:01,981 --> 00:05:03,861
This is MY land.
102
00:05:03,901 --> 00:05:05,381
It's MY land!
103
00:05:06,101 --> 00:05:08,541
I can't fucking believe it.
I swear to God,
104
00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:11,061
I've wanted to find summat like that
since I was a little lad.
105
00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,661
I can't believe...a fucking bunker.
106
00:05:13,701 --> 00:05:15,381
Shit.
Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie.
107
00:05:15,421 --> 00:05:16,621
Who the hell are they?
108
00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:19,581
Those are our old friends
the MacDonaghs.
109
00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:22,421
Make sure they don't fucking see it.
Keep it out of sight.
110
00:05:22,461 --> 00:05:25,781
Hello, Thomas...other people.
111
00:05:25,821 --> 00:05:27,461
What the fuck do you two want?
112
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:30,221
That's not a very nice welcome,
is it, after all this time?
113
00:05:30,261 --> 00:05:32,501
I've been away, Vincent,
having surgery.
114
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,381
Oh, nothing minor, we hope.
115
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:39,501
I've had a testicle removed -
my left one - most undignified,
116
00:05:39,541 --> 00:05:42,181
but they replaced it
with a marvellous artificial one.
117
00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:44,341
You can barely feel the difference.
Nice.
118
00:05:44,381 --> 00:05:45,741
And now we're back.
119
00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:48,661
And I'm looking to reignite
our business relations.
120
00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:51,141
Nothing to do with Manolito.
No. No way.
121
00:05:51,181 --> 00:05:54,021
We're not working with you again.
Why not, pretty cheeks?
122
00:05:54,061 --> 00:05:56,661
I tell you why, cos since Dylan
went fucking missing,
123
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:59,501
we vowed we wanted nothing more
to do with you and we meant it.
124
00:05:59,541 --> 00:06:01,661
And I told you,
after Dylan went missing,
125
00:06:01,701 --> 00:06:04,141
that Barry and I
know nothing about it.
126
00:06:04,181 --> 00:06:05,701
I'm rather fond of Dylan...
127
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:08,021
and despite our differences,
I wish him no harm.
128
00:06:08,061 --> 00:06:10,661
Well, you're a sweetheart, but
the answer's still a very firm no!
129
00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:13,301
She said you'd say that.
Who the fuck's "she"?
130
00:06:13,341 --> 00:06:14,861
Our sister, Donna.
131
00:06:14,901 --> 00:06:16,221
Donna MacDonagh?
132
00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:20,021
During my absence, she's got more
involved in the family business.
133
00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:23,301
And she requests a quiet word
with you, Vincent, in person.
134
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,461
Sound.
All right, well, do us a solid.
135
00:06:25,501 --> 00:06:28,621
You go and tell your Donna
to stick a quiet word up her arse.
136
00:06:28,661 --> 00:06:30,821
Hey, hey! Baz, Baz!
Leave him, Bazzy!
137
00:06:45,381 --> 00:06:48,221
Wow!
JIM: Fucking hell!
138
00:06:51,941 --> 00:06:53,701
Argh!
139
00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,381
Barry?
140
00:06:57,421 --> 00:07:00,101
No, no, no, no.
Barry?! Where's me Barry?
141
00:07:02,901 --> 00:07:06,981
JIM: No-one knew it was there.
Unexploded mine.
142
00:07:08,141 --> 00:07:10,141
What are the chances?
143
00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:13,661
It was an unused field.
A buffer between our fiefdoms.
144
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:16,381
Not really owned by anyone,
especially not me.
145
00:07:16,421 --> 00:07:18,301
Or me.
Stop waffling!
146
00:07:18,341 --> 00:07:20,301
My brother's dead...
147
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,501
..in five fucking pieces.
148
00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:27,181
Six.
Oh.
149
00:07:27,221 --> 00:07:29,621
Just being accurate.
What's wrong with you?
150
00:07:29,661 --> 00:07:31,541
Davey, listen to me, man.
151
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,941
I'm gonna be honest with you
when I say this.
152
00:07:33,981 --> 00:07:36,261
There have been times
over the last few months,
153
00:07:36,301 --> 00:07:38,821
I have wished harm on you
and your brother Baz.
154
00:07:38,861 --> 00:07:41,941
And I fucking mean that,
but I swear to God,
155
00:07:41,981 --> 00:07:45,061
nobody would ever want
summat like this, man.
156
00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:47,701
It's fucked. It's awful, mate.
157
00:07:47,741 --> 00:07:50,341
Well, thank you,
for those kind words, Vincent.
158
00:07:50,381 --> 00:07:51,741
I mean it.
159
00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:54,701
Donna's not gonna be too happy
with this.
160
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:57,821
Fuck, no.
She'll rightly want to find blame.
161
00:07:57,861 --> 00:08:00,181
Fucking hell "blame"!
Hang fire a minute.
162
00:08:00,221 --> 00:08:01,781
Davey, listen to me.
163
00:08:01,821 --> 00:08:03,901
You saw what went down
on that field today.
164
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,181
I ran in the same direction
as Barry.
165
00:08:06,221 --> 00:08:08,101
I jumped right over
the fucking thing.
166
00:08:08,141 --> 00:08:11,861
It could have easily have been me
that was in...five pieces.
167
00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:14,381
Again...six.
Oh, for fuck sake.
168
00:08:14,421 --> 00:08:16,981
Why do you keep doing that?
It just feels important.
169
00:08:17,021 --> 00:08:22,101
We know a very good undertaker who
will give Barry a lovely funeral.
170
00:08:22,141 --> 00:08:23,621
We do.
We do and, you know,
171
00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:25,661
now is not the time
to be finding blame.
172
00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:28,581
Certainly not.
It's just, such a sad, terrible...
173
00:08:28,621 --> 00:08:30,621
It is sad.
Horrible...horrible...
174
00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:32,541
Accident.
..accident that's happened.
175
00:08:32,581 --> 00:08:34,301
It's...awful.
Awful.
176
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:38,301
When we were children, Barry used
to massage my shoulders in the bath.
177
00:08:38,341 --> 00:08:40,901
Aww. That's nice.
Brotherly love.
178
00:08:42,941 --> 00:08:45,381
I'd place a wet flannel
over my face,
179
00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:47,421
pretend I was in a Swedish sauna.
180
00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:51,101
He'd do the accent, too, sometimes.
Would he?
181
00:08:51,141 --> 00:08:53,381
Sometimes we'd be in there
for hours...
182
00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:56,781
splashing about...windows steamy.
183
00:08:56,821 --> 00:08:59,061
All right, mate.
Barry's big hands.
184
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,461
Sweat...
185
00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:07,061
..dripping.
Right. He's in shock.
186
00:09:07,101 --> 00:09:09,261
He's in shock with it all.
He is.
187
00:09:15,741 --> 00:09:17,941
Drinks are on the house!
188
00:09:17,981 --> 00:09:20,101
Barry MacDonagh's dead!
What?
189
00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:21,901
He's dead!
190
00:09:21,941 --> 00:09:24,061
Barry MacDonagh's dead!
191
00:09:30,661 --> 00:09:32,581
Which one's Barry again?
192
00:09:32,621 --> 00:09:35,581
Put this down, dude.
193
00:09:35,621 --> 00:09:38,341
Oh, fuck me, dude.
This fucking... Eurgh!
194
00:09:38,381 --> 00:09:40,421
Fucking torso, for fuck's sake.
195
00:09:40,461 --> 00:09:42,221
Full torso!
PARTIAL torso.
196
00:09:42,261 --> 00:09:44,101
I need to wash me hands.
I feel gross.
197
00:09:44,141 --> 00:09:47,701
Why do you have to be
so fucking pedantic? Gary!
198
00:09:47,741 --> 00:09:51,301
# BACH: Toccata And Fugue in D Minor
Oh, what the fuck is this?
199
00:09:52,221 --> 00:09:53,861
What are you even doing here?
200
00:09:53,901 --> 00:09:55,861
I'm Gary's new assistant.
Learning the ropes.
201
00:09:55,901 --> 00:09:57,301
Found him on Insta.
202
00:09:57,341 --> 00:09:59,101
How the fuck have you ended up...
203
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,941
That's bloody bridezilla -
204
00:10:00,981 --> 00:10:03,461
the lunatic who got married
to one of JJ's cousins.
205
00:10:03,501 --> 00:10:06,381
Do you remember?
I'm getting married in three days
206
00:10:06,421 --> 00:10:08,981
and I don't need this
kind of fucking stress!
207
00:10:09,021 --> 00:10:11,421
Yeah, well it didn't last -
the money-squandering,
208
00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:13,821
limp-dicked twat went to retrain
as a Reiki therapist.
209
00:10:13,861 --> 00:10:16,461
I think he might've dodged a bullet,
to be honest, Satan.
210
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,901
Where the fuck is Gary?
'No, we don't bury gangsters.'
211
00:10:19,941 --> 00:10:21,941
That is just nonsense. You do!
212
00:10:21,981 --> 00:10:23,821
You buried Pretty Boy Patel.
213
00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:25,461
'He was a friend of my aunt.'
214
00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:27,421
And Colin Callawalla.
Good memory.
215
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,741
'He was a minor criminal,
mostly extortion.
216
00:10:29,781 --> 00:10:32,461
Have you reported the death yet?'
No.Yes.
217
00:10:33,221 --> 00:10:36,341
I didn't want the cops
snooping around, pointing blame.
218
00:10:36,381 --> 00:10:38,941
'No, listen. You need
a death certificate from a doctor.'
219
00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:42,461
Dude, I'll fucking get you one.
I'll get you one off Christoph.
220
00:10:42,501 --> 00:10:44,181
Listen, I need fucking help here.
221
00:10:44,221 --> 00:10:47,541
These fuckers, they're the reason
Dyldo's gone missing, right?
222
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,101
I mean, Davey's unhinged
at the best of fucking times,
223
00:10:50,141 --> 00:10:51,381
you know full well.
224
00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:53,461
And now he's lost his brother,
he's capable of...
225
00:10:53,501 --> 00:10:56,101
Jesus Christ,
he's capable of anything, in't he?
226
00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:58,621
'Fine, fine, fine!
227
00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:02,101
But I'm in Vegas until next
Thursday, so get Meena to do it.'
228
00:11:02,141 --> 00:11:03,981
Are yer? What you doing there?
229
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:05,901
'It's none of your business
what I'm doing.
230
00:11:05,941 --> 00:11:08,861
But if you must know,
I'm at an embalming expo...
231
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:12,661
..and golfing weekend.'
The mind boggles, honestly.
232
00:11:12,701 --> 00:11:15,781
Hey, Gary, does your laptop do this?
233
00:11:15,821 --> 00:11:18,781
Can you sew a body back together?
234
00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:21,621
I'll do my best.
'I'm still here, you cunts.'
235
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,981
Oh!
236
00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:28,941
I think, seeing death...
that close up,
237
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:31,621
it just makes my brain wonder,
that's all.
238
00:11:31,661 --> 00:11:34,501
Do you know it's happening,
or do you welcome it in?
239
00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:37,701
The peace...letting go?
240
00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:41,581
You don't have to fucking
bother any more, do you?
241
00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:43,541
Shall I give you
a prescription for Viagra?
242
00:11:43,581 --> 00:11:45,901
Why would you?
Why would you, after what I've said?
243
00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:48,701
That's quite the leap, in't it?
What leap?
244
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:52,301
I'm talking about sadness
and you've gone to hard dicks.
245
00:11:52,341 --> 00:11:55,221
You wouldn't be thinking about death
if you had a five-hour boner.
246
00:11:55,261 --> 00:11:59,141
Knob head.
I'm worried that I'm spending
too much time by myself again.
247
00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:01,341
What about...what's her name,
your friend?
248
00:12:01,381 --> 00:12:04,141
Erin? Well, yeah,
she's great, but I...
249
00:12:05,021 --> 00:12:07,941
..I don't know whether...
250
00:12:07,981 --> 00:12:09,981
Fuck, I don't know.
251
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,941
Well, maybe you need
to talk to somebody.
252
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,741
What the fuck
are WE doing right now?
253
00:12:13,781 --> 00:12:15,741
Actually, I DO know
a good therapist.
254
00:12:15,781 --> 00:12:17,221
Mmm.
255
00:12:17,261 --> 00:12:20,781
A friend from uni.
Got a long waiting list, though.
256
00:12:20,821 --> 00:12:23,061
They always do.
Does owe me a favour.
257
00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:24,781
Maybe I can get you
an urgent referral.
258
00:12:24,821 --> 00:12:26,861
No, don't. Listen...
259
00:12:26,901 --> 00:12:29,701
I'll be jumping the queue
of a load of sad people, won't I?
260
00:12:29,741 --> 00:12:32,301
That's not fair.
Here you are, Fiona Frank.
261
00:12:32,341 --> 00:12:35,461
I'll get her to call you,
set up a time.
262
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:37,141
You can pay me back in weed.
263
00:12:37,181 --> 00:12:40,261
Hello, Vincent.
Myself and Donna have been talking
264
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,741
and we would like to honour
Barry's life with a cocktail party,
265
00:12:43,781 --> 00:12:46,581
tomorrow afternoon, 12:30.
266
00:12:46,621 --> 00:12:49,221
Well, 12:30 for one.
267
00:12:50,341 --> 00:12:53,821
She wants you and all your
strange friends to attend.
268
00:12:53,861 --> 00:12:56,501
Dress code: Marvellous.
269
00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:59,261
Oh, and by the way, Vincent,
270
00:12:59,301 --> 00:13:01,981
we need Barry there.
271
00:13:02,021 --> 00:13:03,861
He always loved a cocktail.
272
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,581
'Toodle-oo.'
273
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,901
Jesus. "Dress code: Marvellous"?
274
00:13:09,941 --> 00:13:13,221
What does it even mean?
Flamboyant shirts, bold colours.
275
00:13:13,261 --> 00:13:15,781
Dress code: Tommo. Sold.
276
00:13:15,821 --> 00:13:17,421
I don't mind. Yeah, yeah.
277
00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:20,621
JJ working?
Yeah, he's always working.
278
00:13:20,661 --> 00:13:22,461
Trying to earn for the baby,
in't he?
279
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,901
Shame. I would've loved to see him
dress marvellous.
280
00:13:24,941 --> 00:13:26,341
I'll be your plus one.
281
00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:28,421
I don't like it.
I don't mind telling you
282
00:13:28,461 --> 00:13:31,181
right fucking now, it's a trap,
is what it might be.
283
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:33,461
I think they're gonna lure us
into the house, right,
284
00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:37,101
and then Donna MacDonagh, with her
heathenous fucking hook-like claws,
285
00:13:37,141 --> 00:13:39,781
will stick 'em in my fucking spine,
in't she, the lunatic.
286
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:41,741
Why would that happen?
Is she mad or something?
287
00:13:41,781 --> 00:13:43,461
Yes!
Donna...? Put it this way.
288
00:13:43,501 --> 00:13:46,261
Rumour has it she got put away,
three years in prison,
289
00:13:46,301 --> 00:13:48,581
for chopping off a man's finger
with a rusty chisel.
290
00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:52,141
Right, why don't we just go,
drop Barry off and make our excuses?
291
00:13:52,181 --> 00:13:56,221
Well, I'M going! I mean, if she
wants to find you, she'll find you.
292
00:13:56,261 --> 00:13:58,181
Besides, I love a cocktail.
293
00:13:58,221 --> 00:14:00,181
Fuck. She's got a good point there.
294
00:14:00,221 --> 00:14:03,541
We can't walk away from
the MacDonaghs. We've learned that!
295
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,181
Shit!
Shit.
296
00:14:05,221 --> 00:14:06,941
Marvellous! It said "marvellous".
297
00:14:06,981 --> 00:14:09,661
Couldn't you put like
a fucking rainbow headband on?
298
00:14:09,701 --> 00:14:12,141
You're all dark.
Everything's black on you.
299
00:14:12,181 --> 00:14:13,461
I'm an undertaker.
300
00:14:13,501 --> 00:14:16,381
I have to project an air
of undiluted dignity at all times.
301
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:19,901
I'm starving.
I'm doing these 16-hour fasts.
302
00:14:19,941 --> 00:14:22,021
Right, let's stop en route.
Fuck, no.
303
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,981
We'll get something
when we're there.
304
00:14:24,021 --> 00:14:26,301
At a cocktail party?
That's nibbles, Vinnie.
305
00:14:26,341 --> 00:14:29,261
I need carbs.
Unless you wanna witness me hangry!
306
00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:30,901
Oh, heaven forbid.
307
00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:32,701
A hangry undertaker.
308
00:14:35,381 --> 00:14:37,621
Right, do you want anything?
Need a shit.
309
00:14:37,661 --> 00:14:40,101
Think they've got a toilet?
In a restaurant?
310
00:14:40,141 --> 00:14:43,061
It's hardly a fucking restaurant,
is it? It's a shit hole.
311
00:14:43,101 --> 00:14:44,861
Customers only.
312
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,981
I AM a customer.
He's with me.
313
00:14:47,701 --> 00:14:50,701
YOU'RE a customer - you've ordered.
He's not eating.
314
00:14:50,741 --> 00:14:54,101
What? Dude, come on.
What difference does it make?
315
00:14:54,141 --> 00:14:55,221
Rules.
316
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,461
So, say I go in and drop my guts -
that's the same as him doing it.
317
00:14:58,501 --> 00:15:00,341
And it wouldn't even
be as bad as that,
318
00:15:00,381 --> 00:15:02,341
cos I hardly eat anything,
be a little poo.
319
00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:04,461
Sorry. Customers only.
320
00:15:04,501 --> 00:15:10,181
F-F-F-Fucking...you and your
fucking unblinking lizard eyes,
321
00:15:10,221 --> 00:15:12,741
holding up ludicrous fucking rules,
322
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,621
about who can poo,
from who can't poo.
323
00:15:15,661 --> 00:15:19,261
I mean, there's not even a fucking
boss here, no-one of authority.
324
00:15:19,301 --> 00:15:22,381
Only us three would know
I've had a shit!
325
00:15:23,301 --> 00:15:24,781
Sorry for shouting.
326
00:15:26,861 --> 00:15:30,261
It's getting urgent. I'm starting
to fucking crown, dude. All right?
327
00:15:30,301 --> 00:15:33,541
OK, actually, erm, you know what?
I need to go.
328
00:15:33,581 --> 00:15:34,981
Give me the key.
329
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,581
You're just gonna give it to him.
No. No.
330
00:15:37,621 --> 00:15:42,021
I don't trust you.
Hey, I'm a customer. Key, please.
331
00:15:47,301 --> 00:15:48,981
Thank you.
332
00:15:49,021 --> 00:15:50,581
There you go.
Hiyah!
333
00:15:50,621 --> 00:15:52,381
Dickhead!
334
00:15:52,421 --> 00:15:54,901
Well, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
335
00:15:57,181 --> 00:15:59,781
Spiteful pizza.
Shit!
336
00:15:59,821 --> 00:16:02,781
The coffin's gone.
Oh, fuck me!
337
00:16:02,821 --> 00:16:04,541
Who the fuck steals a coffin?
338
00:16:04,581 --> 00:16:06,381
Gary'll kill me! He'll fire me.
339
00:16:06,421 --> 00:16:08,701
Know how much they cost?
And that glass!
340
00:16:08,741 --> 00:16:12,021
Never mind the fucking cost.
Where's sewn-together Barry now?
341
00:16:12,061 --> 00:16:14,901
We have to get it back.
Someone must have seen something.
342
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,821
There's fucking no-one here!
343
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,861
I can't lose this job, Vinnie.
344
00:16:19,901 --> 00:16:23,341
I'm supporting myself now.
I need the fucking income.
345
00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:30,781
And besides, I actually like
being round dead people.
346
00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:32,901
Christ. Look, can we just...
Let's just...
347
00:16:32,941 --> 00:16:35,221
Are you serious with that chomping?
348
00:16:37,101 --> 00:16:38,981
Stop doing it.
Are you doing it on purpose?
349
00:16:39,021 --> 00:16:41,581
I'm fucking starving!
You're doing me in.
350
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:45,141
I can't think straight with you
chomping like a fucking oxen!
351
00:16:50,461 --> 00:16:52,501
Don't eat more of it.
352
00:16:57,861 --> 00:16:59,381
Oh, well done, dickhead!
353
00:16:59,421 --> 00:17:01,901
Now it's all over the floor
of a sacred vehicle.
354
00:17:01,941 --> 00:17:04,741
I just can't go back
to Davey MacDonagh's house
355
00:17:04,781 --> 00:17:07,781
without his sewn-together brother.
Fuck, dude!
356
00:17:07,821 --> 00:17:10,741
We have to come up with a plan
and really fucking quick.
357
00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:13,501
What's all this "we" shit?
This is your problem.
358
00:17:13,541 --> 00:17:15,341
I just need
that fucking coffin back.
359
00:17:15,381 --> 00:17:18,781
We! We share the same
fucking problem, don't we, you twit!
360
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:20,261
Christ!
361
00:17:21,101 --> 00:17:22,701
What if...
362
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,901
we go back to Abracadaver,
get another coffin,
363
00:17:25,941 --> 00:17:28,981
weigh it down to Barry weight
and take it to the cocktail party?
364
00:17:29,021 --> 00:17:30,541
No. They might open it.
365
00:17:30,581 --> 00:17:32,981
Why would they open it?
366
00:17:33,021 --> 00:17:35,021
Because he's a fucking lunatic!
367
00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:38,781
They're having a cocktail party
for a wake, you know what I mean?
368
00:17:38,821 --> 00:17:40,901
We have to prep
for every eventuality.
369
00:17:40,941 --> 00:17:45,021
OK, what if...we put a body
in there, cover the face
370
00:17:45,061 --> 00:17:48,021
and tell them that Gary's still
working on the colouration.
371
00:17:48,061 --> 00:17:50,501
They won't wanna see him
look all fucking deformed.
372
00:17:50,541 --> 00:17:54,581
Fuck me, that could work. I mean,
no options, have we, fuck sake.
373
00:17:54,621 --> 00:17:57,061
There's only one problem.
374
00:17:57,101 --> 00:17:58,901
We only have females in right now.
375
00:17:58,941 --> 00:18:01,341
Why the fuck
would you suggest it, then?!
376
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,421
What's wrong with you?
Oh.
377
00:18:04,181 --> 00:18:05,741
Unless...
378
00:18:05,781 --> 00:18:09,261
Can we not just get the fucking
old beard man to do it?
379
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:11,901
Jim?
Can we get Jim to get in the box?
380
00:18:11,941 --> 00:18:14,981
He's almost dead for real.
He wouldn't cope. It's too hot.
381
00:18:15,021 --> 00:18:16,861
Listen, all you have to do
is lie there
382
00:18:16,901 --> 00:18:18,741
and pretend to be fucking dead.
383
00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:20,901
Listen, if it kicks off,
anything happens,
384
00:18:20,941 --> 00:18:24,621
they wanna check you for any reason,
we'll bang on t'coffin three times.
385
00:18:24,661 --> 00:18:26,421
Now you know it's kicking off,
386
00:18:26,461 --> 00:18:28,781
put your fucking gauze mask on
and they're none the wiser.
387
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:31,261
Do you understand?
Yeah.Put the fucking lid on.
388
00:18:31,301 --> 00:18:33,621
You behave yourself in there.
I'm serious.
389
00:18:33,661 --> 00:18:35,621
You be dead as fuck.
390
00:18:44,061 --> 00:18:46,221
Right, for the love of God,
let's have it.
391
00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:47,781
Now you lot... Oi.
392
00:18:47,821 --> 00:18:49,581
..sombre as fuck.
393
00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:55,741
MEENA: Fucking hell.
That must be Donna.
394
00:18:57,061 --> 00:18:58,541
Is this our Barry?
395
00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,701
It is, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
396
00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:02,661
Why's he in ONE coffin?
397
00:19:03,341 --> 00:19:05,341
Sorry, how do you...
How do you mean?
398
00:19:05,381 --> 00:19:07,781
He blew into five pieces.
399
00:19:07,821 --> 00:19:09,461
Six.
Don't say that. Give over.
400
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,621
So if that was his final state,
401
00:19:11,661 --> 00:19:14,461
if that's what the Lord Almighty
wanted for him,
402
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,701
why isn't he in FIVE coffins?
403
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:18,061
Six
Oh, fuck.
404
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:20,741
Erm, well, we don't
really do mini coffins.
405
00:19:20,781 --> 00:19:23,581
They've sewn him
back together, Donna.
406
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:24,821
We have.
407
00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:27,581
Well, they better UN-sew him.
Right, then.
408
00:19:27,621 --> 00:19:30,101
Cos I want to see him.
Hmm...
409
00:19:30,141 --> 00:19:32,861
Before the funeral.
Oh.
410
00:19:32,901 --> 00:19:35,781
In pieces.
That's unusual, in't it?
411
00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:39,141
Laid out
on a tasteful sheet of silk.
412
00:19:39,181 --> 00:19:41,901
Right, then.
OK, of course.
413
00:19:46,421 --> 00:19:48,301
Come on, then.
414
00:19:49,101 --> 00:19:51,621
Oh, come on, then.
Let just go and have a...
415
00:19:51,661 --> 00:19:53,381
have a nice time.
416
00:19:53,421 --> 00:19:55,501
OK, Vincent.
417
00:19:55,541 --> 00:19:57,541
# MARVIN GAYE: Let's Get It On
418
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,701
See, dickhead? Nibbles.
Yeah, fuck the nibbles, dude.
419
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:10,061
How are we gonna get him
laid out on silk
420
00:20:10,101 --> 00:20:12,741
if we've one fucking body?
Do you know what I mean?
421
00:20:12,781 --> 00:20:15,101
And six tiny coffins.
How much is that gonna cost?
422
00:20:15,141 --> 00:20:17,301
It'll be fucking dear, won't it?
I'm telling you.
423
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,181
We're fucked.
Hey, WE'RE not fucked.
424
00:20:19,221 --> 00:20:21,341
I'm an innocent bystander.
Listen to you.
425
00:20:21,381 --> 00:20:22,901
Fucking giving it big licks.
426
00:20:22,941 --> 00:20:25,701
You're the one who wanted to stop
and get a pizza, aren't you?
427
00:20:25,741 --> 00:20:29,581
Cheeky bastard!
It was YOU that needed a shit,
with your filthy arse crack.
428
00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:30,821
Yeah.
Yeah.
429
00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,221
Filthy arse crack?
Vincent.
430
00:20:32,261 --> 00:20:35,341
How would you know that?
Vincent. Lady of death.
431
00:20:35,381 --> 00:20:38,021
Donna would like an audience
with you now, Vincent,
432
00:20:38,061 --> 00:20:39,741
in the downstairs lavatory.
433
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:41,981
Well, that's a fucking
weird location, innit?
434
00:20:42,021 --> 00:20:44,101
Hmm. Come along, handsome.
435
00:20:44,141 --> 00:20:46,381
Same an' all.
Bring your cocktail.
436
00:20:46,421 --> 00:20:48,101
I had a poo
cos we stopped for pizza.
437
00:20:48,141 --> 00:20:49,861
Fuck off!
438
00:20:54,061 --> 00:20:56,461
You all right?
Vincent O'Neil.
439
00:20:56,501 --> 00:20:57,901
Hmm.
440
00:20:58,621 --> 00:21:01,621
Step inside.
I'll come inside.
441
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,781
I'll leave you two to chat.
442
00:21:04,821 --> 00:21:07,141
Ooh...
443
00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:08,941
Tight.
444
00:21:12,141 --> 00:21:14,141
This won't take long, Vinnie.
445
00:21:15,061 --> 00:21:17,741
We're all devastated about Barry,
446
00:21:17,781 --> 00:21:20,501
but he were thick as horse shit.
447
00:21:20,541 --> 00:21:22,381
So it comes as no surprise to me,
448
00:21:22,421 --> 00:21:25,861
he kicked an unexploded bomb
and blew himself all over a field.
449
00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:29,061
It's sad and it's a crying shame.
450
00:21:32,061 --> 00:21:34,061
Now that I'm out of prison...
451
00:21:35,101 --> 00:21:37,341
..I'm taking control
of the business...
452
00:21:38,701 --> 00:21:41,701
..and the word on the street is...
453
00:21:41,741 --> 00:21:44,701
you grow the very best leaf
in town, so...
454
00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:51,061
I know Davey was a...
455
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:55,021
less than considerate partner
on your previous endeavour...
456
00:21:57,181 --> 00:22:00,501
..but I will promise you,
as a woman of my word,
457
00:22:00,541 --> 00:22:02,701
that if you get into bed with me...
458
00:22:03,701 --> 00:22:06,261
..you won't end up
fucked up the arse.
459
00:22:06,301 --> 00:22:08,261
Nice. That would be nice.
460
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:13,021
Unfortunately...
and I'm sorry to say this...
461
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:17,221
Look, let me put it like this.
462
00:22:17,261 --> 00:22:21,421
My mate Dylan - very close to -
he's gone missing...
463
00:22:22,181 --> 00:22:25,301
..under really suspicious
circumstances.
464
00:22:25,341 --> 00:22:29,261
Now, I have it on good authority
that it was your brother, Davey,
465
00:22:29,301 --> 00:22:31,181
and he's fucking denying it.
466
00:22:31,221 --> 00:22:33,621
I'd love to work with you,
but I can't, can I?
467
00:22:33,661 --> 00:22:35,661
I can't work with people
if I can't trust
468
00:22:35,701 --> 00:22:38,541
what's coming out of their mouth.
Do you know what I'm saying?
469
00:22:38,581 --> 00:22:40,221
And I AM sorry.
470
00:22:41,781 --> 00:22:43,781
Hmm.
471
00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:47,741
You want the truth?
472
00:22:50,501 --> 00:22:52,341
He didn't hurt Dylan.
473
00:22:53,301 --> 00:22:56,461
In fact, if anything -
from what Barry told me -
474
00:22:58,061 --> 00:23:00,341
he was a little bit
in love with him.
475
00:23:01,741 --> 00:23:04,941
I just fucking...
I find it really hard to believe.
476
00:23:17,381 --> 00:23:20,301
Strawberry daiquiri.
Mmm.
477
00:23:20,341 --> 00:23:22,981
You tried this?
No. Would you like me to?
478
00:23:23,021 --> 00:23:24,741
Mm. I'm doing it.
479
00:23:25,661 --> 00:23:26,981
Delish.
480
00:23:27,021 --> 00:23:29,861
It's the nicest thing
that's ever passed my lips.
481
00:23:29,901 --> 00:23:31,501
Mm.
482
00:23:32,821 --> 00:23:35,421
I don't take "no"
for an answer, Vinnie.
483
00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:38,461
So, we'll pause this chat...
484
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,261
Si.
485
00:23:40,301 --> 00:23:42,541
To be continued.
Oh...
486
00:23:44,021 --> 00:23:46,501
Excited for it. I'm just gonna...
487
00:23:48,061 --> 00:23:49,861
Shit!
488
00:23:49,901 --> 00:23:51,901
# QUINCY JONES: Soul Bossa Nova
489
00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:03,621
What's up with him?
He's not texting me back.
490
00:24:04,461 --> 00:24:07,741
Well, maybe his hand's restricted.
Maybe he's not seen his messages.
491
00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:10,581
Yes.Maybe he's dead.
Maybe he couldn't breathe after all.
492
00:24:10,621 --> 00:24:13,821
Carol, it's for an hour, in a box,
with holes in, all right?
493
00:24:13,861 --> 00:24:16,261
He's not gonna die
that quickly, is he?
494
00:24:17,341 --> 00:24:20,061
Ladies.
Sorry.
495
00:24:23,021 --> 00:24:25,821
I would like very much
to thank you for coming.
496
00:24:26,581 --> 00:24:31,381
It's so nice to see so many
friendly faces...here at an event
497
00:24:31,421 --> 00:24:34,341
that our Barry
would have absolutely loved.
498
00:24:40,821 --> 00:24:44,461
No cocktail party would have been
complete without our Barry's...
499
00:24:44,501 --> 00:24:46,621
What is that noise?
500
00:24:47,341 --> 00:24:49,541
It's like snoring.
501
00:24:49,581 --> 00:24:52,101
No, no, that will be the...
gas that's produced...
502
00:24:52,141 --> 00:24:54,861
You were telling me about that.
..as the microbes break down acids.
503
00:24:54,901 --> 00:24:57,421
Don't think so.
It's definitely snoring. Listen.
504
00:24:57,461 --> 00:24:59,501
She's right. Yes, it's the gasses.
505
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:01,461
Oh, this is a lovely one, in't it?
506
00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:03,301
We'll get YOU that one.
Shush.
507
00:25:03,341 --> 00:25:05,141
Wow! How about that? Sorry.
508
00:25:10,221 --> 00:25:12,261
It seems to have gone away.
509
00:25:12,981 --> 00:25:14,581
Maybe it WAS the erm...
Gas.
510
00:25:14,621 --> 00:25:16,181
Gases.
Science, in't it?
511
00:25:16,221 --> 00:25:17,701
Gases and science.
512
00:25:17,741 --> 00:25:19,341
I thought it would be a nice idea
513
00:25:19,381 --> 00:25:21,701
if we all sang
Barry's favourite song.
514
00:25:22,381 --> 00:25:24,901
And I would like everybody
to join in.
515
00:25:24,941 --> 00:25:26,781
Mm.
516
00:25:26,821 --> 00:25:28,941
DJ.
517
00:25:28,981 --> 00:25:30,941
# SHIRLEY BASSEY: Big Spender
518
00:25:32,141 --> 00:25:34,581
Oh, God, she loves this one.
519
00:25:35,581 --> 00:25:38,861
# The minute you walked in the joint
520
00:25:38,901 --> 00:25:42,621
# I could tell
you was a man of distinction
521
00:25:42,661 --> 00:25:44,541
# A real big spender
Vin.
522
00:25:44,581 --> 00:25:46,421
I've found the body.
# Good lookin'
523
00:25:46,461 --> 00:25:48,581
Fuck me!
# So refined...
524
00:25:49,341 --> 00:25:50,981
Come on. Who's got it?
525
00:25:51,021 --> 00:25:53,501
Business email.
Subject: "I have your body."
526
00:25:53,541 --> 00:25:55,861
When you open the email,
there's this guy.
527
00:25:55,901 --> 00:25:58,221
Well, that's fucked up.
Someone's fucking with us.
528
00:25:58,261 --> 00:26:00,821
I'm not happy about this.
Who sent that?
529
00:26:00,861 --> 00:26:02,901
Some fucking joker
called Phil Brilliance.
530
00:26:02,941 --> 00:26:05,701
Phil shagging Brilliance?
It's from his work email.
531
00:26:05,741 --> 00:26:08,141
Phil Brilliance
Waste Removal Services.
532
00:26:08,181 --> 00:26:10,661
There's a phone number and address.
533
00:26:10,701 --> 00:26:13,421
Oh, there's an address!
Quickly, go get the lads!
534
00:26:14,981 --> 00:26:17,981
Fuck me, it's like the Bates Motel.
535
00:26:18,021 --> 00:26:20,021
He's fucked it, this fella.
536
00:26:31,501 --> 00:26:32,621
Oh, God.
537
00:26:32,661 --> 00:26:34,581
So glad you could come.
538
00:26:34,621 --> 00:26:37,461
Dude, don't fuck about.
Open this fucking door right now.
539
00:26:37,501 --> 00:26:42,181
Well, what
bad manners your mother taught YOU!
540
00:26:42,221 --> 00:26:44,301
Open the fucking door, please.
541
00:26:44,341 --> 00:26:48,621
Er, one moment, please,
while I consult with Mr Brilliance.
542
00:26:48,661 --> 00:26:50,461
Who shall I say is calling?
543
00:26:50,501 --> 00:26:52,501
Why would you consult with Brilli...
544
00:26:52,541 --> 00:26:54,501
Fuck, I'm not talking
to this puppet.
545
00:26:54,541 --> 00:26:57,541
Take your hand out the arse
of this thing, unlock the door
546
00:26:57,581 --> 00:26:59,741
and tell us what you've done
with sewn-together Barry.
547
00:26:59,781 --> 00:27:01,981
I'm gonna fucking snap
in a minute, dude.
548
00:27:02,861 --> 00:27:05,261
Oh, right, yeah, you've
upset his puppet now, haven't you?
549
00:27:05,301 --> 00:27:06,581
Well done.
What do you mean?
550
00:27:06,621 --> 00:27:08,821
It's a kiddy thing.
Clearly not mentally stable.
551
00:27:08,861 --> 00:27:11,861
He's nicked a fucking coffin.
He's speaking through a puppet.
552
00:27:11,901 --> 00:27:14,701
I hate to say it, but on this
occasion, she is correct.Thank you.
553
00:27:14,741 --> 00:27:17,981
How to go about this is very much
softly-softly catchy monkey...
554
00:27:18,021 --> 00:27:20,781
Ah-ha-ha! Good afternoon!
555
00:27:20,821 --> 00:27:23,661
Good afternoon.
My name's Phil Brilliance.
556
00:27:23,701 --> 00:27:26,421
And this is my good friend Russell.
557
00:27:26,461 --> 00:27:28,621
What? Oh, yes.
558
00:27:28,661 --> 00:27:30,501
Shake your hand.
Why me?
559
00:27:30,541 --> 00:27:32,261
Shake his hand, for fuck sake.
560
00:27:32,301 --> 00:27:34,341
Yeah, nice one, Russell.
Fucking ace.
561
00:27:34,381 --> 00:27:36,901
Well, Russell,
aren't you gonna invite them in?
562
00:27:36,941 --> 00:27:38,981
No. YOU invite them in.
563
00:27:39,021 --> 00:27:41,061
Fuck me.
I don't like the look of them.
564
00:27:41,101 --> 00:27:44,661
Especially the child
dressed like Miami Vice.
565
00:27:44,701 --> 00:27:46,421
Russell...
It's party wear, innit.
566
00:27:46,461 --> 00:27:49,901
I am sorry about him,
ladies and gentlemen.
567
00:27:49,941 --> 00:27:52,381
Please do come in.
I got snacks.
568
00:27:53,861 --> 00:27:56,581
You're fucking exhausting, Philip.
569
00:27:56,621 --> 00:27:58,621
Good fucking Lord God.
570
00:27:59,941 --> 00:28:03,461
Thank you, Russell. Please
help yourself to food and drinks.
571
00:28:03,501 --> 00:28:05,661
We've poisoned them.
572
00:28:05,701 --> 00:28:08,821
No, we haven't.
Yeah, we're jo.. He's joking.
573
00:28:08,861 --> 00:28:11,661
Yeah. Or AM I?
574
00:28:11,701 --> 00:28:13,901
All right. Fucking hell.
575
00:28:13,941 --> 00:28:15,901
Ha-ha, what's he like?
576
00:28:15,941 --> 00:28:18,301
He's just a fucking right one.
577
00:28:18,341 --> 00:28:20,221
Why don't we put him down
for a minute?
578
00:28:20,261 --> 00:28:23,701
Us humans beings have a very serious
business conversation
579
00:28:23,741 --> 00:28:26,581
about the whereabouts
of that bloody corpse, eh?
580
00:28:28,741 --> 00:28:31,021
And coffin.
And the fucking coffin as well.
581
00:28:31,061 --> 00:28:33,461
Well, Russell,
what do you think about that?
582
00:28:33,501 --> 00:28:35,221
Oh, whoo-hoo! Ahh!
583
00:28:35,261 --> 00:28:38,101
Can I have a word in your ear?
584
00:28:38,141 --> 00:28:39,621
Yeah, of course you can.
585
00:28:39,661 --> 00:28:43,821
Excuse me, could we just have
a moment alone while we have a chat?
586
00:28:44,621 --> 00:28:48,261
What is it?
587
00:28:48,301 --> 00:28:50,621
Fucking hell. Bloody idiot.
Stay calm.
588
00:28:50,661 --> 00:28:53,261
You dirty bastard.
589
00:28:53,301 --> 00:28:55,981
He's doing my head in.
Philip! Phil, Phil.
590
00:28:56,021 --> 00:28:58,461
Nearly finished.
Argh.
591
00:29:00,821 --> 00:29:04,261
Phil has, er, asked me
to negotiate on his behalf.
592
00:29:04,301 --> 00:29:06,421
No! Fuck off!
593
00:29:06,461 --> 00:29:08,701
Vin.
Fuck, no! For fucking hell!
594
00:29:08,741 --> 00:29:11,701
I have been very patient indeed.
Give me that fucking doll.
595
00:29:11,741 --> 00:29:13,701
No!
The time for farting around
596
00:29:13,741 --> 00:29:15,461
is very much over!
597
00:29:15,501 --> 00:29:17,581
Were in dire-fucking-straits, dude.
No.
598
00:29:17,621 --> 00:29:20,741
Dire straits. We need to know
the location of the fucking body.
599
00:29:20,781 --> 00:29:23,021
I'm not pissing around here, dude.
600
00:29:23,061 --> 00:29:24,701
Here. Fuck me, I'm sorry.
601
00:29:26,581 --> 00:29:30,461
Where's our fucking coffin?
602
00:29:30,501 --> 00:29:32,581
Right, stop!
There's a lot going on here.
603
00:29:32,621 --> 00:29:36,421
Fucking hell, you're scaring him.
Phil, hi.
604
00:29:36,461 --> 00:29:40,541
Listen, YOU messaged us. Remember?
605
00:29:40,581 --> 00:29:41,661
Yeah.
606
00:29:41,701 --> 00:29:44,541
We've come to find out
what that reason was.
607
00:29:44,581 --> 00:29:46,101
OK.
608
00:29:46,141 --> 00:29:49,581
Barry MacDonagh was a very scary man
609
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:53,981
and his family are...
very scary people,
610
00:29:54,021 --> 00:29:57,701
so we need it back...quite urgently.
611
00:29:59,101 --> 00:30:00,861
OK.
OK.
612
00:30:00,901 --> 00:30:02,941
I'll talk.
OK.
613
00:30:02,981 --> 00:30:05,181
I want my lawyer present.
614
00:30:05,221 --> 00:30:07,061
You want your lawyer?
Yeah.
615
00:30:07,101 --> 00:30:09,501
And he...he's in that box?
Yeah.
616
00:30:09,541 --> 00:30:11,741
I just can't imagine
where this is gonna go.
617
00:30:11,781 --> 00:30:14,061
All right, you can get your lawyer.
618
00:30:14,101 --> 00:30:17,581
You sit here - out of harm's way.
619
00:30:20,541 --> 00:30:23,181
Come on. Come on, out you come.
620
00:30:23,221 --> 00:30:26,181
We've got business.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
621
00:30:26,221 --> 00:30:27,341
Wow.
622
00:30:27,381 --> 00:30:29,221
Top legal mind.
623
00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:32,861
This is St John Moseley.
624
00:30:32,901 --> 00:30:35,541
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
625
00:30:35,581 --> 00:30:37,661
AND ladies.
626
00:30:37,701 --> 00:30:40,461
You all right, Sinj...Sinjun?
627
00:30:40,501 --> 00:30:43,501
Listen, is there any chance
you could ask your client
628
00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:47,901
the whereabouts of the fucking
corpse he's stolen? I mean...
629
00:30:49,341 --> 00:30:52,381
The gentleman
with the horrendous neck tattoo
630
00:30:52,421 --> 00:30:57,461
wishes to know the location
of, I quote, "A stolen body".
631
00:30:57,501 --> 00:30:59,981
I advise caution in your response.
632
00:31:01,141 --> 00:31:03,021
Right, tell the gentleman
633
00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:05,301
the body's stored
in a safe location.
634
00:31:05,341 --> 00:31:08,261
But unless I get
a full and frank apology
635
00:31:08,301 --> 00:31:11,301
from that monster Davey MacDonagh,
636
00:31:11,341 --> 00:31:13,781
I will not reveal
the location of the body.
637
00:31:14,781 --> 00:31:16,781
My client says...
No, dude!
638
00:31:16,821 --> 00:31:18,861
We fucking heard
what the client said.
639
00:31:18,901 --> 00:31:20,981
You said it.
I can see your lips move.
640
00:31:21,021 --> 00:31:23,061
At least drink some water
at t'same time.
641
00:31:23,101 --> 00:31:26,021
It's very underwhelming.
What apology?
642
00:31:26,061 --> 00:31:29,501
The lady asks
what is the nature of the apology?
643
00:31:29,541 --> 00:31:31,461
Well, it's simple, in't it?
644
00:31:31,501 --> 00:31:34,261
That man - Davey MacDonagh...
645
00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:39,101
..he ruined my life.
646
00:31:42,021 --> 00:31:45,141
Can we take a moment
for my client, please?
647
00:31:45,181 --> 00:31:46,821
Thank you.
648
00:31:48,661 --> 00:31:50,741
Fucking hell.
649
00:31:51,781 --> 00:31:55,341
Mr Brilliance would like me
to recount his story to you
650
00:31:55,381 --> 00:31:56,981
on his behalf.
651
00:31:57,021 --> 00:31:59,981
Would you mind
making yourselves comfortable?
652
00:32:01,421 --> 00:32:02,821
Go on, then.
653
00:32:02,861 --> 00:32:06,661
It all started several years ago,
when Mr Brilliance ran
654
00:32:06,701 --> 00:32:10,781
a hugely successful
children's entertainment business.
655
00:32:16,581 --> 00:32:19,861
'Phil's business was
the most successful in the region.
656
00:32:19,901 --> 00:32:22,701
There was so much work,
he couldn't fit it all in.
657
00:32:22,741 --> 00:32:25,741
Parents would recommend him
to other parents.
658
00:32:25,781 --> 00:32:29,341
Word spread and the kids adored him.
659
00:32:29,381 --> 00:32:32,421
Especially when he brought out
the star of the show -
660
00:32:32,461 --> 00:32:34,981
Virgil the cheeky monkey.'
661
00:32:35,021 --> 00:32:38,061
Boys and girls, it's Virgil!
Virgil, how are you?
662
00:32:38,101 --> 00:32:40,941
'Then, one fateful day,
663
00:32:40,981 --> 00:32:44,541
Phil got hired by Davey MacDonagh,
664
00:32:44,581 --> 00:32:47,541
to throw a party
for his niece, Mabel.'
665
00:32:47,581 --> 00:32:49,501
That's Donna's daughter.
666
00:32:49,541 --> 00:32:51,341
Correct.
667
00:32:51,381 --> 00:32:54,341
My best friend's a monkey.
He's called Virgil.
668
00:32:54,381 --> 00:32:57,541
'Unaware of the MacDonaghs'
fearsome reputation,
669
00:32:57,581 --> 00:33:01,301
Phil did his usual routine
and the party went well...
670
00:33:01,341 --> 00:33:04,941
right up to the point
where Virgil made his appearance.'
671
00:33:04,981 --> 00:33:07,861
You want to go over and say hello
to the grown-ups? All right.
672
00:33:07,901 --> 00:33:10,421
Here, let's go and say hello
to the grown-ups.
673
00:33:11,421 --> 00:33:14,101
Ooh!
674
00:33:21,101 --> 00:33:23,221
'It was an innocent mistake,
675
00:33:23,261 --> 00:33:25,701
and Phil tried
to apologise afterwards
676
00:33:25,741 --> 00:33:28,221
but things turned nasty.'
Argh!
677
00:33:28,261 --> 00:33:30,701
Made a monkey out of me back there,
puppet boy!
678
00:33:30,741 --> 00:33:33,341
I apologise! I'll do the show
for free to say sorry.
679
00:33:33,381 --> 00:33:35,701
I think some compensation
might be in order.
680
00:33:35,741 --> 00:33:37,701
Compensation?
For my hurt feelings
681
00:33:37,741 --> 00:33:39,461
and for the distress and trauma
682
00:33:39,501 --> 00:33:42,421
caused to innocent eight year olds
who have now been exposed -
683
00:33:42,461 --> 00:33:43,941
at far too early an age -
684
00:33:43,981 --> 00:33:47,301
to the sight of an unfeasibly large
male phallus.
685
00:33:47,341 --> 00:33:50,261
Yeah, but it wasn't
THAT unfeasibly large, was it?
686
00:33:50,301 --> 00:33:53,261
Oh, no!
687
00:33:53,301 --> 00:33:55,101
Go on. Then what happened?
688
00:33:55,141 --> 00:33:58,061
Say goodbye
cos he's going in the fucking river!
689
00:33:58,101 --> 00:34:00,701
Bye-bye!
690
00:34:01,901 --> 00:34:05,021
Not so fucking BRILLIANT now,
are you, Phil?!
691
00:34:05,061 --> 00:34:07,421
Fucking hell, that is brutal, mate.
692
00:34:08,221 --> 00:34:10,701
But that wasn't the end of it.
693
00:34:22,741 --> 00:34:25,101
'Threats, intimidation.'
694
00:34:25,141 --> 00:34:27,861
Every time he turned up
to a children's party,
695
00:34:27,901 --> 00:34:29,741
there they were.
696
00:34:33,341 --> 00:34:35,581
Not today, puppet boy.
697
00:34:36,461 --> 00:34:39,821
They started spreading rumours
that he was a paedophile,
698
00:34:39,861 --> 00:34:43,101
that he'd touched up a little girl
at a children's party,
699
00:34:43,141 --> 00:34:45,581
with his hand inside a monkey.
700
00:34:46,301 --> 00:34:49,141
And DID he..?
NO!
701
00:34:49,181 --> 00:34:51,741
They ruined me.
They ruined my business.
702
00:34:51,781 --> 00:34:54,461
My wife left me.
I was sick with stress.
703
00:34:54,501 --> 00:34:56,301
Everyone thought I was a nonce -
704
00:34:56,341 --> 00:34:59,141
and all because
HE didn't wear boxer shorts!
705
00:34:59,181 --> 00:35:01,941
Oh, dear God. It's a bloody shame.
706
00:35:01,981 --> 00:35:04,701
Phil, do you know what?
Honestly, man, I can see
707
00:35:04,741 --> 00:35:07,061
that they've really, really
hurt you, there.
708
00:35:07,101 --> 00:35:08,581
Wankers, the pair of 'em.
709
00:35:08,621 --> 00:35:11,301
But you're never gonna get
an apology off 'em, dude. Never.
710
00:35:11,341 --> 00:35:13,141
Never in a million fucking years.
711
00:35:13,181 --> 00:35:15,261
Then, he's never gonna get
his brother back!
712
00:35:15,301 --> 00:35:17,301
Argh!
He'll fucking kill you, you non...
713
00:35:17,341 --> 00:35:19,901
you prick.
They've ALREADY killed me!
714
00:35:21,061 --> 00:35:23,421
The day they killed Virgil.
715
00:35:23,461 --> 00:35:27,741
That monkey...he was my best friend.
716
00:35:28,661 --> 00:35:30,981
But not only that,
it was my livelihood.
717
00:35:31,021 --> 00:35:34,181
They tore my world apart.
718
00:35:39,781 --> 00:35:41,421
There, there.
719
00:35:41,461 --> 00:35:43,621
Now that, that's talent.
720
00:35:43,661 --> 00:35:45,261
Put that in your act.
Mm.
721
00:35:45,301 --> 00:35:46,861
Right?Yeah.
Good.
722
00:35:46,901 --> 00:35:50,541
What are the chances
of getting Davey to apologise?
Fucking zero.
723
00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,741
We'd have to fess up
to losing his brother.
724
00:35:52,781 --> 00:35:54,981
It won't go down well.
Wait. I've got an idea.
725
00:35:55,021 --> 00:35:56,861
Some places have started
doing this thing
726
00:35:56,901 --> 00:36:00,261
where a family member
records themselves
talking about their lost loved one,
727
00:36:00,301 --> 00:36:02,021
like summat funny,
a rude anecdote.
728
00:36:02,061 --> 00:36:05,901
To warm people up,
the undertaker writes something
and gets them to say it to camera.
729
00:36:05,941 --> 00:36:07,741
What if we convince Davey to do one,
730
00:36:07,781 --> 00:36:10,061
write up some sentences
as his warm up,
731
00:36:10,101 --> 00:36:12,901
and we edit them into an apology?
Fah!
732
00:36:12,941 --> 00:36:14,781
It's a shit idea.
Yeah.
733
00:36:14,821 --> 00:36:16,301
I think it's a great idea.
734
00:36:16,341 --> 00:36:18,501
Why don't we just stand up
and tell a story?
735
00:36:18,541 --> 00:36:20,421
I'll tell you for why.
736
00:36:20,461 --> 00:36:23,661
So, on the day, there is gonna be
a lot of emotion. All right?
737
00:36:23,701 --> 00:36:25,581
You know what,
you've lost your brother.
738
00:36:25,621 --> 00:36:29,021
I don't think it matters how
many times you rehearse that speech,
739
00:36:29,061 --> 00:36:30,741
emotion could creep in and ruin it.
740
00:36:30,781 --> 00:36:33,901
And what tends to happen now -
it's very, very popular, isn't it?
741
00:36:33,941 --> 00:36:35,701
Yeah, it's modern a trend.
Modern trend.
742
00:36:35,741 --> 00:36:37,461
Especially with the rich folks.
Yeah.
743
00:36:37,501 --> 00:36:40,261
They record it.
They put on a big old screen there.
744
00:36:40,301 --> 00:36:43,181
People gather round
and it becomes more of an event.
745
00:36:43,221 --> 00:36:45,301
Do you know what I mean?
Makes sense.
746
00:36:46,021 --> 00:36:48,501
OK, I'm sold.
747
00:36:49,381 --> 00:36:52,861
I'll tell the wheelbarrow pig story.
It's hilarious.
748
00:36:52,901 --> 00:36:56,381
It's just that Davey...
Oh, I am brilliant at anecdotes.
749
00:36:56,421 --> 00:36:58,661
I tell you what...
750
00:36:58,701 --> 00:37:00,701
why don't you BOTH do one?
751
00:37:01,461 --> 00:37:03,661
Thank God for this one.
752
00:37:04,981 --> 00:37:07,301
'I'd just like to say a few words.
753
00:37:07,341 --> 00:37:09,901
I am very sorry...
..to you... ..feel...
754
00:37:09,941 --> 00:37:11,701
..for all the pain...
755
00:37:11,741 --> 00:37:13,341
..and furthermore...'
756
00:37:13,381 --> 00:37:15,701
And that'll be that, Phil.
I mean, er, "feel".
757
00:37:15,741 --> 00:37:17,501
It's good stuff. I mean, that's...
758
00:37:17,541 --> 00:37:20,741
That has been edited.
It's not been edit...
759
00:37:20,781 --> 00:37:24,021
Yeah, a little bit. Cos he pauses.
He's a fucking pauser.
760
00:37:24,061 --> 00:37:27,621
That is a full-throttle apology
you just heard there.
761
00:37:27,661 --> 00:37:29,341
No.
Yeah, it's fucking rare, that.
762
00:37:29,381 --> 00:37:31,261
To get an apology
off someone like...
763
00:37:31,301 --> 00:37:34,821
Davey MacDonagh giving an apology -
rare as fucking...
764
00:37:34,861 --> 00:37:36,981
Hen's teeth. That's a saying.
Hen's teeth.
765
00:37:37,021 --> 00:37:38,621
We've got 20 fucking hours, dude.
766
00:37:38,661 --> 00:37:41,421
20 hours, that's it,
and then the funeral starts.
767
00:37:41,461 --> 00:37:45,261
And for reasons only known
to his fucking psychopath sister,
768
00:37:45,301 --> 00:37:48,301
she wants to have a look at him -
Barry in bits.
769
00:37:48,341 --> 00:37:50,421
So fucking time's of the essence.
770
00:37:51,981 --> 00:37:55,861
My client says he is NOT prepared to
reveal the whereabouts of the body.
771
00:37:55,901 --> 00:37:58,221
Fuck you, Sideon,
or whatever the fucking...
772
00:37:58,261 --> 00:38:00,381
Vin!
No, no, no.
773
00:38:00,421 --> 00:38:02,141
Ahh!
Eurgh!
774
00:38:02,181 --> 00:38:05,941
Dude, you're fucking putting our
lives at risk, is what you're doing.
775
00:38:05,981 --> 00:38:08,301
I want a face-to-face apology.
776
00:38:08,341 --> 00:38:12,221
You are never ever,
in a thousand fucking years,
777
00:38:12,261 --> 00:38:14,861
ever gonna get an apology
out of them sociopaths.
778
00:38:14,901 --> 00:38:17,141
It's just not happening.
No body.
779
00:38:17,181 --> 00:38:20,101
No. Oh, fuck my arse.
780
00:38:20,141 --> 00:38:22,821
Right. Bodies are really
fucking heavy, yeah?
781
00:38:22,861 --> 00:38:25,261
So, A) it's gonna be hard
to hide one.
782
00:38:25,301 --> 00:38:27,941
B) he's a weirdo, so chances are
he's gonna want it close to him.
783
00:38:27,981 --> 00:38:29,941
What you suggesting?
Wait till he goes out,
784
00:38:29,981 --> 00:38:33,581
break in, have a look around -
loft, attic, garden, everywhere.
785
00:38:33,621 --> 00:38:36,301
No. What...
What if he stays in all night?
786
00:38:36,341 --> 00:38:39,221
Everyone leaves eventually, Vincent.
Even ventriloquists.
787
00:38:39,261 --> 00:38:41,221
I know how to get him
out of the house.
788
00:38:41,261 --> 00:38:44,221
Book a waste removal tonight.
False address, miles away.
789
00:38:44,261 --> 00:38:46,301
Fucking sick! Punch the air.
790
00:38:46,341 --> 00:38:48,021
There we go.
Fucking finally!
791
00:38:50,141 --> 00:38:51,461
Any sign?
792
00:38:51,501 --> 00:38:53,261
Yeah, Erin,
he came out ten minutes ago.
793
00:38:53,301 --> 00:38:56,301
I just didn't say anything about it.
Stop being a dickhead, Tommo.
794
00:38:56,341 --> 00:38:59,101
I booked that job for 7:15.
Why hasn't he left?
795
00:38:59,141 --> 00:39:01,501
Christ. What have you said to him?
You put a voice on?
796
00:39:01,541 --> 00:39:05,261
I did, yeah. I went...
Hello. Is this garden removal?
797
00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:07,181
You didn't, did you?
I did, yeah. Why?
798
00:39:07,221 --> 00:39:09,181
Fuck. That's the voice
people do when trying
799
00:39:09,221 --> 00:39:11,501
to sound like a posh person,
not an actual posh person.
800
00:39:11,541 --> 00:39:13,741
Oh, is it fuck!
It is, Erin. You had one job.
801
00:39:13,781 --> 00:39:16,661
I'm over here, meanwhile,
fucking master of impersonations,
802
00:39:16,701 --> 00:39:18,461
could do any accent.
Was I called upon?
803
00:39:18,501 --> 00:39:20,181
Oh, yeah.
No. No, I wasn't.
804
00:39:20,221 --> 00:39:22,781
Fucking sound like Jimmy Savile
and Vin Diesel mixed.
805
00:39:22,821 --> 00:39:24,341
That's my own voice, in't it?
806
00:39:24,381 --> 00:39:26,981
That's my natural-born voice.
You're so annoying!
807
00:39:27,021 --> 00:39:29,261
Shut up! Shut up,
you pair of fucking lemons.
808
00:39:29,301 --> 00:39:31,501
Dickhead!
Christ, fucking glasses.
809
00:39:31,541 --> 00:39:33,821
Fucking annoys me, he does.
810
00:39:33,861 --> 00:39:37,621
Well, look at the fu...
Of fucking course. Look at him.
811
00:39:38,461 --> 00:39:40,581
Fucking hell.
Fucking Ronnie!
812
00:39:53,021 --> 00:39:54,901
Give over.
OK.
813
00:39:54,941 --> 00:39:57,101
How do you know Phil Brilliance?
814
00:39:57,141 --> 00:40:00,021
Depends on who's asking.
Oh, God, dude. WE'RE asking you.
815
00:40:00,061 --> 00:40:01,821
Oh, right, you just asked.
Right, OK.
816
00:40:01,861 --> 00:40:03,301
Can I ask summat?
Yes.
817
00:40:03,341 --> 00:40:06,221
Why are you slamming me against here
like Who Dares Wills,
818
00:40:06,261 --> 00:40:10,341
interrogating me
about legitimate friendships
that are going on in Hawley Town?
819
00:40:10,381 --> 00:40:13,221
Because he's nicked a dead body.
Barry MacDonagh.Yeah.
820
00:40:13,261 --> 00:40:15,141
And there's no way
he's moved it on his own.
821
00:40:15,181 --> 00:40:18,101
So tell us what you know
because I need that coffin back!
822
00:40:18,141 --> 00:40:19,981
All right. OK, yeah, sure.
823
00:40:20,021 --> 00:40:23,221
So what, summat goes off, so who
do you blame? Ronnie Croft, right?
824
00:40:23,261 --> 00:40:25,461
Do me a favour,
stick this in your kettle
825
00:40:25,501 --> 00:40:28,021
and do you know what, smoke it -
cos I work for him.
826
00:40:28,061 --> 00:40:33,141
You fucking work for him?
Yeah. W-U-R-R-K. "Wurrk". OK?
827
00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,941
Ronnie croft is clocking on,
828
00:40:34,981 --> 00:40:37,141
he's paying his taxes...
I ain't paying taxes.
829
00:40:37,181 --> 00:40:40,701
Shut up! You move garden shit
for Phil Brilliance, yeah?
830
00:40:40,741 --> 00:40:42,861
Yeah, I've got a gig tonight.
That's what I call it.
831
00:40:42,901 --> 00:40:45,181
"I'm just nipping out...
Just nipping out to do a gig."
832
00:40:45,221 --> 00:40:48,501
Do you know what I mean?
Let me off here. I can just...split.
833
00:40:48,541 --> 00:40:51,301
Ronnie, sweetheart,
do you expect us to believe, right,
834
00:40:51,341 --> 00:40:55,661
that you work for the bloke,
but you've no idea about this
fucking missing corpse?
835
00:40:55,701 --> 00:40:57,101
And coffin.
And coffin.
836
00:40:57,141 --> 00:41:00,381
Look, I swear to Jah,
on Erin's life.
837
00:41:00,421 --> 00:41:01,941
Ronnie!
838
00:41:01,981 --> 00:41:04,581
Right, do you not think -
come on, guys, it's me -
839
00:41:04,621 --> 00:41:07,941
I'd have noticed a stolen coffin?
They're massive, Vin.
840
00:41:07,981 --> 00:41:11,301
You are gonna help us find out
what he's fucking done with it.
841
00:41:11,341 --> 00:41:13,261
OK. Oh, me?
842
00:41:13,301 --> 00:41:16,461
God, all right, come on.
Yes! Fucking you. Yes. Fucking hell!
843
00:41:16,501 --> 00:41:18,301
Cos we can't go back in, can we?
844
00:41:18,341 --> 00:41:20,301
For some reason,
he clearly trusts you.
845
00:41:20,341 --> 00:41:22,781
Don't know why.
So you need to go back in
846
00:41:22,821 --> 00:41:24,981
and find out where that body is -
And coffin.
847
00:41:25,021 --> 00:41:26,701
And coffin.
And coffin?Yes.
848
00:41:26,741 --> 00:41:28,741
Both.
Both!Don't fucking run off!
849
00:41:28,781 --> 00:41:30,661
Yes. He's not running off.
Right, OK.
850
00:41:30,701 --> 00:41:32,661
You're fucking staying here, you.
851
00:41:32,701 --> 00:41:35,301
Would you not agree,
that man is a fucking bellend?
852
00:41:35,341 --> 00:41:37,461
Dude.
Innit? Right, can't be trusted.
853
00:41:37,501 --> 00:41:41,381
So, how's about me and you come up
with a little a backup plan?
854
00:41:41,421 --> 00:41:44,261
Knock, knock,
knock-knock-knock, knock-nock.
855
00:41:44,301 --> 00:41:46,581
All right. You're late.
Yes, you ARE late.
856
00:41:46,621 --> 00:41:48,381
All right, Arnold, don't start.
857
00:41:48,421 --> 00:41:50,701
I just got lost
en route-a-toot-toot. All right?
858
00:41:50,741 --> 00:41:53,381
We need to have a word.
We need to have a chat, man.
859
00:41:55,901 --> 00:41:58,981
'We're late for the job. What do you
wanna speak to me about, Ronnie?'
860
00:41:59,021 --> 00:42:02,741
'Cos we've got problemo magnificio.'
'Meaning what?'
861
00:42:02,781 --> 00:42:04,941
'Come on, Phil,
stick the dummy down.'
862
00:42:04,981 --> 00:42:06,501
I am not a dummy.
863
00:42:06,541 --> 00:42:09,101
Well, yeah,
you ARE a fucking dummy, dummy.
864
00:42:09,141 --> 00:42:10,941
I'm less of a dummy than you,
aren't I?
865
00:42:10,981 --> 00:42:13,661
'At least I've got GCSEs.'
He's arguing with a fucking doll.
866
00:42:13,701 --> 00:42:16,061
Look at your legs! They're cloth.
Get off my legs.
867
00:42:16,101 --> 00:42:17,981
Stop kicking yourself
in the fucking head.
868
00:42:18,021 --> 00:42:20,821
Well, at least I've got some hair.
You're like an ugly boiled egg.
869
00:42:20,861 --> 00:42:22,341
Ooh, a bit fucking personal!
870
00:42:22,381 --> 00:42:25,221
I'd sort him out, man, cos I'll
put him into another fucking realm.
871
00:42:25,261 --> 00:42:26,821
Know what I mean?
Ronnie, listen -
872
00:42:26,861 --> 00:42:29,861
Have a word with him.
He gets above himself.
What do you want, Ronnie?
873
00:42:29,901 --> 00:42:31,781
It's a fucking heavy heat
scenario going on.
874
00:42:31,821 --> 00:42:35,101
People - can't specify who -
but they're heavy, right?
875
00:42:35,141 --> 00:42:37,421
They found out
about the fucking body.
876
00:42:37,461 --> 00:42:41,141
So I'm gonna need
some serious compensation, OK,
877
00:42:41,181 --> 00:42:43,621
to keep a zipper-mouth situation.
878
00:42:44,781 --> 00:42:48,141
You blackmailing me, Ronnie?
Am I blackmailing you?!
879
00:42:48,181 --> 00:42:51,221
'Yeah! Absolutely.'
Motherfucker!
880
00:42:52,261 --> 00:42:56,061
Yeah... No. Erin, I tried my best.
881
00:42:56,101 --> 00:42:58,101
Oh!
882
00:42:59,101 --> 00:43:02,061
Give over, you fucking lemon.
883
00:43:02,101 --> 00:43:03,741
I can't see fuck all.
Shut up!
884
00:43:03,781 --> 00:43:06,061
Erin, it's getting
a little bit stupid.
885
00:43:06,941 --> 00:43:09,861
Listen, honest to God,
it's the last time I'm asking.
886
00:43:09,901 --> 00:43:11,781
Where's that fucking body?
And coffin.
887
00:43:11,821 --> 00:43:14,461
And the fucking....
For fuck sake! The coffin as well.
888
00:43:14,501 --> 00:43:16,021
Listen, Ronnie, honestly, dude,
889
00:43:16,061 --> 00:43:17,981
I'll leave you down here
with the rats -
890
00:43:18,021 --> 00:43:21,141
OK, YOU might but Erin wouldn't,
and do you wanna know why, Vin?
891
00:43:21,181 --> 00:43:25,101
It's because family is very,
very thicker than water. That's why.
892
00:43:25,141 --> 00:43:28,861
Try me. Ronnie, I know for a fact
you're scared of the dark.
893
00:43:28,901 --> 00:43:30,501
Oh.
Right, OK.
894
00:43:30,541 --> 00:43:34,061
Phil offered me two large, OK?
Aka 200.
895
00:43:34,101 --> 00:43:36,061
If yous go to say, five...
896
00:43:36,101 --> 00:43:39,021
How the fuck am I gonna pay you
500 quid, you cunt?!
897
00:43:39,061 --> 00:43:43,861
What? You're not gonna pay me?
In that case, Whitney Houston,
we got a problem.
898
00:43:43,901 --> 00:43:45,981
You don't know Whitney Houston,
dude.
899
00:43:46,021 --> 00:43:48,341
He means Houston, don't he?
He means Houston.
900
00:43:48,381 --> 00:43:50,581
Guys, the jokes on fucking you!
901
00:43:51,341 --> 00:43:54,461
No, no, no, not the dark!
OK, I'll give you what you want!
902
00:43:55,261 --> 00:43:57,621
Check it out. Follow the light.
903
00:43:57,661 --> 00:43:59,861
# RIVAL SONS: Do Your Worst
904
00:44:06,821 --> 00:44:09,141
Thank fuck for that.
905
00:44:10,301 --> 00:44:12,181
He's all there.
906
00:44:12,221 --> 00:44:14,301
Ronnie Croft saves the day.
Nice one.
907
00:44:14,341 --> 00:44:16,141
Hold on.
908
00:44:16,181 --> 00:44:18,941
Where are his eyes?
Oh...
909
00:44:18,981 --> 00:44:22,221
His fucking eyes are missing.
The fuck, who nicks eyes?
910
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:26,261
# Oh, my, oh, my baby
911
00:44:26,301 --> 00:44:29,581
# Devil's gonna get you
if I don't first
912
00:44:29,621 --> 00:44:32,341
# Take my, take my body
913
00:44:32,381 --> 00:44:35,261
# Take my body and do your worst
914
00:44:35,301 --> 00:44:38,101
# Oh, my, oh, my baby
915
00:44:38,141 --> 00:44:41,221
# Devil's gonna get you
if I don't first
916
00:44:41,261 --> 00:44:44,101
# Take my, take my body
917
00:44:44,141 --> 00:44:47,101
# Take my body and do your worst #
918
00:44:53,101 --> 00:44:55,101
He's ready for you now.
919
00:45:12,741 --> 00:45:13,981
They're fine.
920
00:45:14,021 --> 00:45:17,101
Gentlemen...
I think we've got away with it.
921
00:45:19,581 --> 00:45:24,661
# ..over the rainbow
922
00:45:25,381 --> 00:45:30,541
# Way up high
923
00:45:32,181 --> 00:45:37,781
# There's a land that I heard of
924
00:45:38,501 --> 00:45:43,661
# Once in a lullaby
925
00:45:47,501 --> 00:45:55,021
# Somewhere over the rainbow
926
00:45:55,861 --> 00:46:00,141
# Skies are blue
927
00:46:01,661 --> 00:46:04,181
Thank you.
928
00:46:04,221 --> 00:46:08,381
And before we move Barry on
to his final rest,
929
00:46:08,421 --> 00:46:10,781
his brother Davey
would like to read...
930
00:46:10,821 --> 00:46:13,061
David.
..a few words from the Good Book.
931
00:46:16,821 --> 00:46:18,661
CARDI: Ash coffin.
932
00:46:20,301 --> 00:46:23,461
What if he starts "coughing"?
Do you get it?
933
00:46:23,501 --> 00:46:26,061
Shut up, you fucking... Shut up.
934
00:46:32,621 --> 00:46:35,061
"The righteous perish...
935
00:46:35,101 --> 00:46:37,181
and no man layeth it to heart;
936
00:46:38,421 --> 00:46:41,221
the merciful men are taken away,
937
00:46:41,261 --> 00:46:43,461
none considering
938
00:46:43,501 --> 00:46:47,941
that the righteous are taken away
from the evil to come."
939
00:46:53,461 --> 00:46:54,981
Oh, shit.
940
00:46:57,021 --> 00:47:00,101
I want an apology!
941
00:47:02,341 --> 00:47:04,181
Fuck.
942
00:47:06,301 --> 00:47:08,381
You remember me, Davey?
943
00:47:08,421 --> 00:47:12,981
If you know what is good for you,
you will leave right now.
944
00:47:13,021 --> 00:47:15,941
Phil Brilliance.
Children's entertainer.
945
00:47:16,861 --> 00:47:18,341
Get rid of him.
946
00:47:18,381 --> 00:47:20,261
Would anybody like to meet
my new friend?
947
00:47:20,301 --> 00:47:22,221
Stay where the fuck you are. Stay.
No.
948
00:47:22,261 --> 00:47:25,061
His name...is Barry.
949
00:47:25,101 --> 00:47:28,581
You want to shut the fuck up,
you disrespectful cunt.
950
00:47:28,621 --> 00:47:31,381
Otherwise,
you'll end up in a coffin yourself.
951
00:47:31,421 --> 00:47:34,381
Davey, well, he killed
my last friend, Virgil,
952
00:47:34,421 --> 00:47:37,181
but I don't think
he's gonna hurt this one.
953
00:47:37,221 --> 00:47:39,661
No, no, no.
954
00:47:39,701 --> 00:47:41,501
I don't think he'll hurt this one.
955
00:47:41,541 --> 00:47:44,821
Especially as he's got
such beautiful...
956
00:47:44,861 --> 00:47:46,501
eyes.
957
00:47:46,541 --> 00:47:48,781
Oh, fuck!
958
00:47:48,821 --> 00:47:51,141
Ahh! Fuck!
959
00:47:51,181 --> 00:47:55,261
An eye for an eye, Davey!
You little piece of piss!
960
00:47:55,301 --> 00:47:57,821
Run away! Run away!
Run away! Run away!
961
00:47:57,861 --> 00:48:00,221
Cheeky little bastard!
962
00:48:01,661 --> 00:48:04,101
Fucking phone!
963
00:48:04,141 --> 00:48:05,501
Hello?
964
00:48:05,541 --> 00:48:07,621
Hello, Vincent.
This is Fiona Frank.
965
00:48:07,661 --> 00:48:11,101
You were referred to me
by Dr Christopher Cox,
for psychotherapy.
966
00:48:11,141 --> 00:48:14,101
No, no, no, no!
Yep, yep, yep, yep! Go on.
967
00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:17,101
I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?
No, it's a good time.
968
00:48:17,141 --> 00:48:21,061
It's a good time.
I need you more than ever, actually.
969
00:48:35,501 --> 00:48:38,781
I know this will come as a shock
to you, but...I'm your son.
970
00:48:39,701 --> 00:48:41,661
What?
971
00:48:41,701 --> 00:48:43,301
How the fuck can he be mine?
972
00:48:45,301 --> 00:48:47,941
Don't wish for it - work for it.
973
00:48:47,981 --> 00:48:49,701
He wants you in his life, Tommo.
974
00:48:51,661 --> 00:48:53,101
Hello, boys.
975
00:48:53,141 --> 00:48:54,381
Charmed.
976
00:48:54,421 --> 00:48:56,781
Do not flirt
with my fucking progeny.
977
00:48:56,821 --> 00:48:58,621
Bend down and pick it up.
978
00:48:58,661 --> 00:49:00,421
Argh!76363
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof