All language subtitles for Exporting Raymond (2010)eng

Here we go, stand by.

And camera.

Go, Patty.

And action.

Oh, hey. Here they are.

My job was to create a family.

Here's the man that runs the whole show,
Phil Rosenthal.

A very specific family.

Listen, I know you weren't there today,
but wouldn't you agree that sometimes,

and I'm not saying all the time,
but sometimes, Marie can be critical of me?

Frank?

Come on.

But it was never a job to me.

- Huh?
- Yeah.

I grew up loving television,

The Honeymooners, Dick Van Dyke,
All in the Family, The Odd Couple,

Mary Tyler Moore, Taxi,
The Cosby Show, Roseanne.

I never dreamed that one day
I'd get to have my own show.

We've had this crazy drama,
and now you're in bed with your swirling.

So you have no idea what happened,

so the happier you are at the top
of the scene, the funnier it is.

All those shows I mentioned
had great stories and characters.

And they were all filmed in front
of a live audience, like a play.

And that sound of real laughs
was infectious, joyous.

I loved how you did it yesterday.

Okay, I got you.

Most importantly,
those shows were about real life.

Where did our wedding go?

So that's where I started.

With the real Ray Romano
and his real life family situation.

They're coming.

I brought in my own life
and so did our other writers.

And we wrote about what
really happened to us at home.

The angry family.

Some executives worried
that this wasn't hip and edgy.

It wasn't young and sexy.
Ray wasn't famous.

But it turned out to be
a lot like a family.

And in America
that turned out to be relatable.

We got nine years, 210 episodes.

We've loved every minute of it.
And we've loved spending this time with you.

Thank you so much.

We connected.

I have a mind of my own, you know.
I can contribute.

I'm not just some trophy wife.

You're a trophy wife?

What contest in hell did I win?

It was a dream come true.
And then...

And cut.

...the Russians called.

Phil is finishing up with the show.

He's trying to think
about what to do next.

And he came over and
I think we had lunch

or he just came over to my office,
I can't remember which.

It turned into a conversation about making
television shows and sitcoms in Russia.

Nyanya, Russia.

- That's The Nanny?
- The Nanny. All right.

- Wow.
- Okay?

Argentina. Mexican Nanny.
The Nanny in Indonesia.

- Really?
- Chile.

- It's a universal phenomenon, The Nanny.
- Phenomenon.

As skilled as Phil is,

and as much part of the television landscape
as he is here in the United States,

we sort of thought, "Gee, wouldn't
it be great to see whether we can

"make Raymond over there?"

Wow, it is kind of a
thrilling opportunity.

What if we could really connect
with the Russians

and then the rest of the world?

They said, "Just make sure
you have K&R insurance."

And I said,
"What is K&R insurance?"

He said,
"Kidnap and ransom." So...

They said, "That never happens.

"You don't have to worry,
that never happens."

I said, "It happens enough
for there to be an abbreviation."

Before I go to Moscow,
I'd like to speak to some experts.

This is where I grew up
from age nine to age 17.

You know, this is where I got
rejected by many, many women.

And many of the scenes in the show,
in Raymond,

they happen right here
in this house of horrors.

You know, we based a lot of the
show on Ray Romano's actual life.

But what I didn't know
about his family,

I filled in with the personalities
of these people.

- Did you know you sent me a box of pears?
- Yeah.

From a place called Fruit of the Month?

That's right. That's right.
How were they?

There are over a dozen pears.

What am I supposed to do
with all those pears?

I think you're supposed to eat them, Ma.

I appreciate the thought, Raymond,

but please, don't ever send us
anymore food again. Okay?

Well, another box is coming next month.

What? More pears?

No. No, it's a different fruit
every month.

Every month?

Yes. Yes, that's why they call it
Fruit of the Month Club,

It's a club?

Oh, my God,
what am I going to do with all this fruit?

The situations were fairly depicted,
but some of the characterization was not.

Well, then give it away.

- Why would you do this to me?
- Oh, my God.

I can't talk.
There's too much fruit in the house.

What is happening?

In other words,
it was exaggerated.

What do you think we are, invalids?
We can't go out and get our own fruit?

Tell me about Moscow.
When were you there?

In 2005.

I have a disk for you.
I'll give it to you.

- Of pictures?
- Moscow.

We could maybe look at them
on your laptop now.

We'll see how it looks.

Do you know where to look?

Not on the Internet.
You're going on the Internet.

Where do we get the pictures...
Let's see.

- Russia slide show.
- Good.

This was built...

- What's this?
- That's music.

This is... Okay.

- You put music on it?
- No.

- I don't know, it just goes by itself.
- It just comes on.

How do you shut the music?

It goes very well with it.

- Here.
- Okay.

This is in commemoration of the...

See here's the Square.

Oh, and this is GUM, by the way.

- This is what?
- This is GUM.

This used to be a government building,

- but now it's a mall.
- Yeah, they made it

into one of the biggest malls.

This is our guide, Vera.

- It goes by so fast, how can you even...
- Let me show... I put it on...

This is inside the Hermitage.

No, this is inside the Moscow museum.

This is Moscow at 80 miles an hour.

This is gorgeous, here.

I can see it's gorgeous,
but it's not there anymore.

I saw it for a second.

Now we're in Saint Petersburg.

No, this is one of the
eight buildings that...

No, that's the...

No, it's not, it's one of seven
buildings that got built by...

No, that was built after the war
because it was destroyed by the Nazis.

No.

- No, they never got there.
- Yes, they did.

No, they did not.

This is Florida.

- I'm going to Moscow.
- Good luck.

I'll call you from Russia.

Or someone else will call and say,
"We have him."

All right.

- No...
- Goodbye.

How do you say...

I'm dead.

- No.
- That's Russian. That's Polish.

- All right, everybody, say goodbye.
- Goodbye.

I'm going to miss you.

I know, I'll miss you, too, Daddy.
I love you.

So, I'm really going.

I guess I'm making
Everybody Loves Rasputin.

I'm just a little nervous.
I mean, I've seen the news.

A Russian dissident poisoned...

The poisoning death of former
Russian spy, Aleksandr Litvinenko...

A mysterious weapon, polonium-210...

The radioactive isotope...

I know. I'll miss you, too, Daddy.
I love you.

The first Russian I'm supposed to
meet is my driver/security man, Eldar.

I'm told he's very nice.

- How's the weather?
- Not bad.

Not bad.

So, in Russia,
this is good weather?

Where did he go?

I'm having a swell time so far.

Eldar, I was worried about you.

- Where are you from again?
- From Baku.

I can't believe you said that,

because we actually have friends
in Los Angeles from Baku.

Louisa Kanski?
Do you know the Kanskis?

- No, I don't know them.
- Very nice people.

And then who else did you say?

No, I worked as a
bodyguard for ambassador,

but I work with many people
from the United States in Russia.

Right. And who else?

- Condoleezza Rice.
- Condoleezza Rice.

On her visit to Moscow, yes.

You worked with Bush?

Not with Bush,
but with his security team.

- Did you meet him?
- Yes, at the embassy.

- What did you think?
- What I'm thinking?

Yeah.

Again he goes.

This is my security.

Isn't this the scene
where the Mafia comes

and clops me on the head and that's it?

- Will you protect me if...
- No,

Oh, good. Hello. Everything okay?

- Yes, of course.
- Okay.

- Did you have to go to the bathroom?
- No. I paid for parking.

Oh, okay.

They make you get out of the car
to get the card.

- Everybody?
- For everybody.

Wow, I don't want to tell you
how to run your place here,

but there might be an easier way.

They told me that the walls
have eyes or ears or both.

They are going to be very bored.

Who's ever monitoring me
is going to be in for a...

They found me already.

We meet Marina,
my personal translator, very nice.

- I'm Marina.
- Marina?

And off we go
to our first production meeting,

which is 10 minutes away.

Where are we exactly?

This is the district where all the TV
towers and all the TV stuff is situated.

This is Hollywood.

Yeah, this is Hollywood
of the Soviet time.

- Right.
- Very nice.

We gather around the table
with the Sony executives,

Marina and the Russian
staff I'm here to help,

Including Shaban Muslimov,
our director.

Shaban, nice to meet you.
Boys, writers, yes?

This project is a couple of years
in the making,

and Phil knows where the comedy
comes from better than anybody.

It's pretty simple, I think.

Everything from the costumes, sets,
hair and makeup

should be 100% believable.

Because I think the idea is for the show

to be as relatable
as it can be to regular people.

I would like it to look more trendy.

To educate people,
let them understand more about

clothes and fashion and style.

Elena Starodubtseva,
costume designer.

Take into consideration,
that our women love to dress up

and to dress beautifully.

Even at home,
even as a housewife?

She can't always wear some kind of a
sweater and think only about kids

because she won't
keep her family like that.

She understands the trends,

and she knows the fashion

and knows how to dress beautifully.

She knows how to dress beautifully,

but maybe her frustration is that
she doesn't get the opportunity.

Why don't we give her this opportunity?

I don't know if you want to
change the show to fit a fashion.

You don't like that?

Won't it be boring?

The crew that will work
on this show,

what impressions do you have?

I felt very comfortable
with almost everybody.

Thank you, I appreciate
your questions and everything.

And you look very nice,
by the way.

You should also try to get
actors who look nice,

and to make the actors
look nice in the show.

And now a scenic drive
to the Gorky Studios.

I think it was built in 1913.

Maybe upgraded in 1917.

This is not an abandoned factory,

- this was designed as a movie studio.
- Yes.

This is scary.

I should have got the insurance.

I've seen too many movies.

What are we doing
in this God-forsaken place?

Oh, look.

Casting.

Look who's here. Our friend's here.

She looks happy to be here.

Here's the Moscow casting process.

We have a total of eight roles to cast,

and in Russia, every actor undergoes
full hair, costume and makeup

for their auditions on tape.

We see a handful of attractive
women reading for Debra

or her new name, Vera.

But most important, of course,
is finding the star

of what is now being called
Everybody Loves Kostya.

Perhaps you have some wishes
according to the casting...

I just think that you want to go
for a kind of everyman quality.

For me,
looks are not as important as personality.

An interesting choice to bring in.

If he can't do it, maybe we could
get Dolph Lundgren to do it.

And then a woman comes in
to read for the mama role.

What am I supposed to do
with all those pears?

They're reading from our pilot script,

but what I didn't think of

Is that there is no Fruit of
the Month Club in Russia.

So they changed It to
water of the week.

You will receive a new jug every week.

It is beyond reason to
have this much water.

Usually, when there's more time
before they adapt the script,

I'll sit down with them
and go page by page,

and we'll all agree on what's going to
change before they actually go do it.

It seems they missed a lot
of what the scenes are,

It is worrisome that they don't get
the heart and soul of the scene.

Not as worrisome as this.

I'm now pretty sure that
our original pilot

will not be the best way to sell
the series to the Russian network,

So the next day,
we have our first writers' meeting,

and we all decide to adapt a later episode
called "Baggage" as our Russian pilot.

And then the head writer, Sasha,

all of a sudden has a big problem
with Raymond's character.

Sasha says, "Raymond is not typical
of a present-day Russian."

Sasha says that

he seems to be a weakling,

a good-for-nothing.

He's not the Russian type
of character... Raymond.

That is why it's difficult to find
the equivalent for him.

It sounds like what they're saying is,
that makes him unappealing.

Sasha feels that the audience may not like
Raymond's character here in Russia.

This man who's always
pushed around by the women.

And then it hits me.

Are you married?

I didn't think so.

Marriage is, you go on a
weekend vacation with your wife

and you come home with your suitcase
and you put it on the steps,

and then it sits there for three weeks

because neither of you
are going to be the one to move it.

I don't care. Thanks to the
good people at Waldbaum's,

I've got a complete set
of luggage right here.

You are not going to the airport
with a grocery bag.

Take the suitcase.

You know what? I don't need it.

Okay, you know what?

This is not a problem
between Russia and America.

This is a problem
between married and not married.

Real mature!

I don't care.

I decide to show the full episode.

First of all, they've only read the episodes,
they've never actually seen one,

so here's a good opportunity.

Once they see the episode,
they'll see Raymond,

and once they see Raymond,
they'll get Raymond,

and then I won't have
any more problems.

I have to do everything around this house.
If I don't do it, it doesn't get done.

Well, that's because,
now take it easy,

that's how it's supposed to be.

It's all full of laundry
and it's all woman-y now.

If I'm the one who has to do the laundry,

why should I be the one
to drag that thing upstairs, huh?

Isn't the man supposed to carry stuff?

Isn't that the man-y thing to do, huh?

Tucker Cawley, one of our writers,

came in to our writer's room

and this happened to him.

The problem seems a bit artificial,

not natural.

Why doesn't he see that
it's not about the suitcase?

We liked that
it was actually called "Baggage"

because it meant something else as well.

I think it's because here in Russia,

they've had a lot of success
with shows that are over-the-top.

Married with Children,
very hooky premise.

You just have to go to the principal
and punch her in the eye.

The Nanny, it was Cinderella,
it was a fairy tale.

They're not used to,
and they haven't done a show

that is as grounded in reality
as what you're doing.

And grounded in the way that
you take the little things in life

and show why they blow
up on us every day.

You make such a huge scandal about it,

involving the parents and the brother
and the neighbors.

Everybody speaking about some trifle.

I think it will work here.

I think every marriage,
I don't care if you are Eskimos.

- I agree.
- How could you leave that whale blubber

by the door?

I don't know.

You can say this is the
best episode for the pilot,

but we don't know.

I thought it was universal,
I thought it was.

It may not be.

Raymond, as a character,
in America, is a very soft guy,

and that's the problem.

With Russian guys, there is a little
bit more of a machoism, if you will.

So he, maybe,
needs to be a little bit more Russian.

The main problem of Raymond,

in Russia, people will not be
interested in the relationships

between family and their parents,
I think.

We need to make fun of something else,
I think, it's my mind.

They're not interested in the family
and the parents.

They don't have families and parents?

Excuse me...

May we talk to you?

What do you want from me?

No?

Micha, don't talk to him.

You have food in your mouth.

It's lunchtime.

I talked to Eldar,
my driver/security man,

and asked if he shouldn't also be
screening my food for bits of polonium.

He says, "I know that guy."

You knew him?

The guy who was poisoned?

No, I don't know him. I know...

...the one that poisoned him.

You know the guy who poisoned him.
Really?

He's from my university,

one year older than I...
one course.

Now when you hear that this happens,

is it shocking to you
or this happens all the time here?

I can't say that it is all time,

but I was not shocked.

But to us,
this was the first we had heard...

In America, this was the first we had
heard of anybody being killed this way,

with a radioactive poison in a...

But you're saying that this goes on,
we just don't hear about it?

I would say it's about

the first time too.

Yeah. Wow.

It's not the traditional method.

What is the traditional method?

I don't know that, sir.

But now you were in the military,
but you were not in the KGB, were you?

It was not the KGB.

No, Were you ever hurt
when you were in the military?

Compression after bombs.

- Concussion.
- Concussion.

Really? What bomb got you?

Mine.

Your own bomb?

No, "mine" meaning

mine in the ground.

Not your own bomb, a mine.
I understand.

- Any lasting effects of the...
- A little.

Headache, sometimes.

- Does it affect your driving?
- No.

Did they tell you which room
they filmed the movie Saw in?

First up today is a Kostya,
Vera pair.

The girl has been dressed in a
white cashmere sweater, heels, jewelry,

perfect for the scene
where she's been cleaning all day.

Why is she dressed like this?

We might have to talk
to Elena Starodubtseva.

She presents me with photos
of what she thinks Vera should look like.

So, it will be classical style,

but some kind of romantic materials

for talking to people, going out.

No argument,
yes to all the special occasion clothes,

but 90% of the show
takes place in the house.

I admit, I have no sense
of fashion, really.

We've discussed it already.

So, you are beautiful,
every day a beautiful outfit.

We are not discussing me.

You want to say that I am going to make
my character look like me,

glamorous when cooking.

No, that's not my point.
My only point is...

Here's the question,
do you wear this at home?

Of course not.

It's out of the question.

Of course not.

But here, there can be
many variants for "home."

I agree, but I'm not sure
it's the show.

I don't know how
to explain this to him...

Do you think she is dressed for
cleaning up around the house?

We'll change.

We'll have her change.

Maybe it's me.

Maybe I need a better sense
of current Russian culture.

At the Electro Boutique,
we meet Alexi, the artist/owner,

who shows us around the small
gallery filled with video art.

- And it shows the transferring message.
- Yes.

We get into a discussion near
his installation of a video screen

that is showing a deconstructed
Britney Spears concert.

It's been reduced to
horizontal lines of color

that pulsate when he turns up
the sound of the concert.

We love Britney Spears and enjoy her work
a lot and get inspiration from her work.

- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, we do.

Because she's a great singer?

Well, because she's a cultural icon.

She's representing some trends
in the society

and at the best.

- At its best?
- At its best, yeah, yeah.

The form is more important, the style,
the form, the arrangement,

is more important than the content
and the message.

I don't know,
I always came from the point of view

that the content was the most
important thing, not the style.

I wouldn't agree.

So for my purposes in Russia,

where we're trying to
take a television show

that was popular in America
and make it here,

the style of it,

the superficial trappings of it,
rather than the story...

- Yeah, I think so.
- ...and the theme and the characters,

- the style is going to be more important.
- Exactly, exactly.

I'm shocked because I think
it's the exact opposite.

Britney Spears is
popular all over the world

because she speaks on a very
low level language, so to say.

So if you want to easily translate
your message to different languages,

different nations, different cultures,

you must use
very simple and basic language.

You're saying that the selling of it

is actually more important than
what you're selling.

I am very much into selling,

I think, because we reproduce
the stuff and we have to sell it

because it's expensive in production
and we need to support ourselves.

Yes.

Yeah.

This is the face of Moscow and Russia.

She could wear that
one to do the dishes,

and that one to vacuum.

It's nice. For an evening, yes.

You know what's funny?

You can hear the cancer.

Right?

Now we're watching
the high school production.

Look, these are children.

They should have some chocolate milk
and play on the swings.

I think he should relax.

Why are we singing?
There's no singing in the show.

Now I'm hoping for kidnapping.

He doesn't look like a man
who has to be stolen,

I don't think so.

And then, this older guy comes in
to read for the father role.

A man has to be a man!

And fight for his freedom!

You know a guy is good
when he can get laughs

without even reading any lines.

When they're good, they're good.

You know right away.

He's great.
I would cast him right away.

And then, at 6:15 p.m.,

one more couple came in,
including Evgeny Miller,

reading for Raymond/Kostya.

They read a scene where Kostya comes home
and apologizes for the suitcase standoff

and then it builds into a physical fight
over who will move the bag.

I will move the suitcase,
and we will remember...

I was the one who moved it.

Oh, no you don't!

He was hilarious.

Great face, natural Intonation,
terrific physical comedy.

A natural.

Undeniable.

The room was universally
united in laughter.

It was actually kind of stunning.

Maybe this show has a chance.
This guy is really good.

We got so excited about him that
we called Alexander Rodnyansky,

the head of the Russian network, CTC,

and asked him to meet
us that night for dinner.

Now I'm about to have dinner
with the president of the network,

and I was told before I came
by the Sony people,

"Don't show too much enthusiasm
for your choices

"because they might say, 'No'

"just to show you that they are the
people who say yes and no, not you."

- Phil Rosenthal, Alexander Rodnyansky.
- Welcome to Moscow.

- Thank you.
- Good to see you. All right.

Thank you for your hospitality.

Well, we're happy.

We're happy, too.

Today we had a full day of casting.

How were they?

Very interesting people.

We saw one very strong Raymond.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Who was that?

The name of the actor
for Raymond was...

Evgeny Miller.

- Yes, I know him.
- You know him?

Yeah.

What did you think of him, Phil?

How was it for you to see...

I thought it was really good.

It worked in the room
for the Russian crew

and I laughed as well.

So I thought that was a good sign.

It is a good sign.

Interesting.

Do you like him,
or you're not sure?

No, I think he's a talented guy,

but I've never seen him
having the big part.

Yeah.

It's nice to find out that network executives
are the same the world over.

Today I wake up to learn that the Russians
have thrown out the "Baggage" script

and decided to do
another episode instead.

I'm reading the English translation
of their Russian adaptation.

It's not as delightful as it should be.

The only one I trust
translation-wise, honestly,

is my personal translator, Marina.

It's from misunderstanding,
the differences of cultures, they really are,

because in Russia,
everything goes crazy,

and when people come from some
country where it's more organized,

they will always say, "My God."

So, Marina translated the script,

but the writers didn't read it because I'm told
they're busy working on another show.

Meanwhile, Eldar says, "Mr. Rosenthal,
I'd like you to please come with me."

He wants to take me
to his favorite place.

An open field filled with
World War II tanks.

- Two cannons and one tank.
- Wow.

Rocket launchers.

Anti-tank mine.

Pieces of blown-up bridges.

- Air bombs.
- Right.

In short, fun for the whole family.
But not for me.

It's interesting to see
because it's a part of history.

Yeah.

- I got to tell you, this is not really my...
- Here's a Czechoslovakian tank, too.

Anti-aircraft machine gun,
armored train.

Armored train and Nazi plane.

Why do you like it so much,
to come here?

I don't like to come so much,
but for me it's interesting

because I was military.

- Yes.
- It's the military history of my homeland.

So you were in the military in what year?

I was military from 1984 until 1994.

Right.

And it was a terrible time
for the Soviet Army.

Did you ever shoot?
Did you ever have to shoot somebody?

Is that a bad question?

Yeah, I think so.

Don't worry.

Yes,

when I was very young, but I thought
it is not good to shoot somebody.

Well, it's terrible to shoot somebody,
but you were...

- It was in Afghanistan.
- In Afghanistan?

Yes.

Can you talk about it
or is it not nice to talk about?

If it's possible,
I don't want to talk about that.

You don't have to talk about it.

- I'm sorry.
- No problem.

I hope I don't make you uncomfortable.

Why will I be uncomfortable?
It was a part of my life.

- Yes.
- And I was very young.

I was 17 when I went into the army.

But now I think it was not the best way.

Really? You would do it different.

Yes, because my hobby was

to read all about shells, seashells,
conchologist,

it was my dream to
become a conchologist.

- We came to the end. Yes?
- Yes.

- This is an interesting museum.
- Yes.

But my favorite museum
is a museum of biology.

- Biology.
- In Saint Petersburg.

You can see there seashells.

I was too young.

Yes, yes.

Are they happy with the translation?
Are they satisfied?

He doesn't know so far.

Have they read this script yet?

No.

- He didn't read it yet.
- Yes.

They haven't read it yet because
they've been off

working on all their other shows.

All of Marina's hard work last night,
in getting them the script last night,

was so they could read it
and be prepared for this meeting,

which is them telling us how they
are going to make it Russian,

how they believe it needs to be adapted.

And if they're just going through it
for the first time now,

they're not prepared to do that.

I like when she gets mad.

Go get 'em. Yeah.

I'm realizing that
I may be an expert in Raymond,

but I need to learn a little bit more about
communicating with my colleagues here.

When I started,
I had to work for many other people

as a writer.

But I never had to do more
than one show at a time.

At the moment, this kind of business
in Russia is just developing.

That's why there are few people
working in this field,

who can write sitcoms.

It won't last for a long time.

How many hours a day

of working?

It would be more correct to ask
how many hours I slept in the night.

How many?

Like, four hours of sleep.

You have time left only to come home,

say to your family, "I'm okay"

and go to bed.

But I get the sense that you
are happier to have the work

and make that sacrifice of a personal life

for the time being.

Most probably, that's right.

This is exactly what we wanted,

and what we were striving for.

To write funny scripts,

this is the best thing in the world.

I would like more to write funny scripts

than being President or oil magnate.

Although, if they paid more
for it perhaps?

It's not that they weren't trying.

There are, as always,
other factors.

I think we're on the same page now.

If you could get a live audience
it would be great.

I want to, but they will not allow it.

I said, "It's so important to the show
because we write it like a play

"and it is made to be performed
in front of an audience."

And they said,
"But we would have to get chairs."

And just as I'm making progress
with my new writer friend,

we learned that the head of the network

is no longer running the network.

They tell me he's been promoted.

And production ofEverybody Loves Kostya
is put on hold.

So, I go home.

And while I'm waiting
for the project to resume,

they send me casting sessions
over the Internet

that I watch on my computer.

The only good news
in Rodnyansky being gone

is that he was the only one
who didn't like Evgeny Miller.

And we found some nice choices
for our Russian family,

including a pretty and talented
young lady to play Vera,

a solid brother to play Leonya,

a cute Masha,

a pair of twins to play
Sasha and Leisha,

and even a strangely
familiar-looking Mother.

Ten months later,

I get a call, "We're ready.

"We start shooting the pilot
next week."

Could I please come back?

But in the last ten months,
the writers that I bonded with are gone.

They've had to move on to other things.

And so has almost the whole crew.

But at least I have one friend.

Eldar!

How are you?

This is Anatoly.

- Anatoly?
- Yeah.

He will work as your driver.

What do you mean?

Tomorrow I will go to the hospital...

What's going on? You okay?

He doesn't really wanna talk about it,

but he's going in tomorrow for 12 days
of tests, and it's about his heart.

That's all I could get out of him in the
five minutes we were in the parking lot

next to the Russian jets.

So, sir, I will see you.

Anatoly is a very good driver.

He's the oldest driver in our company.

Good, I like the oldest.

Did you know that Eldar was sick?

No? No understand?

I hope he's okay.

First time I was here, I didn't understand
that he just gets out of the car and leaves me.

I was a little nervous.

But now, I'm a Russian,
so I understand how it works.

Very nice.

- Richard, nice to see you, buddy.
- Good to see you.

Richard introduces me to Artyom,

the Russian executive Sony's
brought on to oversee our show.

I'm worried about Eldar.

Eldar, he's out in a day, you know.

- He said...
- He has a preplanned family vacation

on the 10th.

Vacation?
What do you mean, vacation?

- ...that's what he said.
- Last time I heard,

it was Petersburg for a little vacation.

He said he's going for 12 days
into the hospital

and he introduced me to Anatoly...

And now I wonder,
is he really going to the hospital?

Did Eldar ditch me?

Do you know what the problem is?

- His heart.
- Really?

I just heard Eldar's going in
for surgery tomorrow.

I don't know if it's surgery.
He said tests, but...

Didn't you just say he was gonna
be there 12 days, though?

Twelve days is not tests, is it?

Maybe he just didn't want to work for you.

He didn't wanna work with me?
Is that what you're saying?

No, I can't say that.

But I like Artyom.
He seems to have a sense of humor.

His knowledge of American sitcoms
is extensive.

I like sitcoms as a commoner,

and I just wondered
why we don't have that in Russia.

We talk about the differences between
the Russian and American process,

and what that means for Raymond.

We don't have the actors all day,
every day,

and in fact,
we will have the entire cast together

only the first half of the first day.

Also, we do not, here,
shoot the scenes in order.

The scenes are shot out of sequence.

My fantasy about having an audience

- at the taping...
- We have...

There's a compromise worked out.

No, no audience.

That's what it is,
that's a Russian compromise.

The rug in the hotel elevator
is changed daily for us Americans

who have no idea what day it is.

Thank you.

So we're here at A Media,
the number one studio in Moscow.

And you can see it's beautiful.

I don't know if you notice the wild dogs.

Hello, puppy. Look at the puppy.

Look at that. Don't kill me.

We should have all the actors,
I think.

I don't know, it always changes.
It's a little crazy.

I thought we had Evgeny now,

since the new head of the network
signed off on him,

but here's the problem.

Every actor in Moscow
belongs to a theater company,

and Evgeny Miller is so valuable
to his little theater,

that his theater master won't let
him out to do some sitcom.

So the Russians went ahead without me,

and cast a semi-famous actor
named Sergei Kuskin

who was in the Russian
I Dream of Jeannie pilot.

So, here we are.

We sit around a table with
our new director, Sasha,

reading the new episode they've
decided is best for the pilot,

"The Family Bed."

They like it 'cause it
features the kids,

even though
we hardly ever featured the kids.

This is how the episode starts.

What? What's wrong?

What happened?

You kicked me!

I did?

Right in the garden of good and evil.

Honey, I'm sorry.

I think we found the kicker.

The table re-proceeds and for the most part,
our actors fit the roles pretty well.

You lied to me all the time!
You'd never buy me chewing gum.

You'd say it was made by Gypsies.

You have to learn to say
to your kids, "No!"

"Papa, I need a book for school."

No!

All the actors got laughs,

except for Kuskin.

I'm going to kiss her goodnight.

She gave me a kiss to give to you!

See, she sent a kiss to you with me.

He is the lead in the show.
He has to carry the ball.

This could just be subjective reaction.

But I don't see anyone else laughing, either.
Russian or American.

- Okay.
- So,

I would be concerned if it was my pilot.

Yeah, I understand that.
You're probably right.

This is not a small thing.

Okay.

The Russians start shooting in two days,
so Sony allows me a Hail Mary.

I will go to Evgeny Miller's
little theater master

and try to convince him
to let us have Evgeny.

But it turns out,
something got lost in the translation.

He's not a little theater master.

His name is Oleg Tabakov,

and he's the Director
of the Moscow Art Theatre.

I studied theater my whole life
and this is the center of it all.

This is the very home of naturalism,
where it actually started,

with Stanislavski and Chekov.

Oleg Tabakov Is Russia's most proud
and honored actor and theater maestro.

We have no equivalent of this man
in America.

Putin goes to his birthday party.

The Russians on the crew can't believe
they're about to be in the same room as him.

I'll be honest. I'm a nervous wreck.

Amerikanskiy sitcom,
Everybody Loves Raymond.

- We will begin.
- Okay, good.

Do you think that television
is a worthy medium

- for actors to work in?
- Yes. Good TV.

Have you seen any American television?

The news is very good.

- The news is very good.
- Yeah.

Do you find that
it is an inconvenience for you

or detrimental to the theater

when your actors need to take work
in film and television?

He asks if one of his actors
is playing Kostya.

When we were casting,
we saw somebody called Evgeny Miller.

That's right.

He's a real person.

He is a real person and
I saw it right away...

He's funny...

He's not only funny, he's talented.

He's contemporary boy

from beginning of the millennium
in Russia.

We loved him and we were told

that his theater master would
not allow him to be in the show.

- If he will go to you?
- Yes.

I stopped.

No.

I'll go on from the Moscow Art Theater...

...and you can begin your sitcom.

We're dead.

- Best wishes to business.
- Thank you very much.

- Really.
- Very nice to meet you.

- Thanks a lot.
- Okay.

To work, to work.

Charming? Great?

I never thought that I'd be standing
on the stage at the Moscow Art Theater.

Yes, it's a little sitcom

that doesn't begin to have the depth
or meaning of the work this man does.

But in our own little way
we're going for the same thing.

Even in the harsh business world
of commercial American television,

I was trying to make something that

would have some lasting value,
and say something about

people that was true.

Well, at least it's confirmed for me
the style they should be doing the sitcom in,

naturalism. It's their own tradition.

- Can we talk for one second?
- Yeah, sure.

Surely our director will get this.

Sometimes I act in theater,
in sketch show.

- You're a musician, too?
- Yeah,

Yeah?

You know,
I have some masterpiece.

I play on enemas.

- On body, yes.
- You play on animals?

Enemas. Enemy. Enemy.
You know? Enemy.

- Enemy.
- It's like plasters.

- It's...
- Horns?

Yeah, it's horns,

but that's that kind of horn,
it's not really horns,

because it's made from enema.

- Enemas?
- Enemas.

- You play enema bags?
- Yeah.

And it's a little piece...

You know, it's my free time.

That's fantastic. Hey, Artyom.

That's funny.

There's so much great stuff here
and such a really good translation, I think.

I can't do this tonight,
I can't keep going to work like this.

Yeah, well, what about me?

What? You don't have to wor...

What's that, Ray?
I don't have to wor...

And then he says, "You see,
I can't think clearly with the no sleep.

"I'm talking nonsense here,"
which you have.

And then he finishes by saying...

Of course you wor.

Now it's a word we've established.

I never said "work"
because that would get me killed.

But we're now saying the word "wor."

If you put it in Russian,
"Of course you raa."

It doesn't make any sense in Russian.

Yes, "wor" doesn't make sense either.

It just doesn't make any sense.

All you have to do is stop it in the middle.

We tried that,
it still doesn't make any sense.

Yes, it's not supposed to make sense.

It should sound silly.
The man is saying...

Does not sound silly,
that sounds confusing, actually.

In Russian it's strange and stupid.
It just doesn't sound good.

I mean, it does not sound like a joke.
It sounds like,

"What?
This is all that they come up with?"

I mean, it's not funny.

That, you could've said
the same about us, but...

- But it just doesn't make...
- He could say something.

He would say something
instead of "work."

- Eldar?
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Mr. Rosenthal?

- Hey.
- Hi. How are you?

- I'm very good how are you?
- All good.

Are you in the...

No, I think that all my problem
will be solved. It's not...

Yeah, you have a good prognosis?

They say good things?

Eldar? Hello?

I don't know.
I kind of would like to know the truth.

Maybe in Russia,
12 days of tests is a vacation.

We're granted what I've been told
is a great luxury here.

One rehearsal day.

To me, this is the heart of the show,
this scene.

- Hey.
- Don't even act tired.

Ray and Debra haven't slept well
because once again,

their daughter slept in their bed,

so Debra had to sleep
in their daughter's bed with her.

I spent the night on a Swedish rack.

Well, I couldn't sleep without you.

I've grown accustomed
to your nose whistle.

As they mumble, Ray opens the juice
to find the top hasn't popped.

- Hey, did you drink from this already?
- No,

- Well, the top didn't pop.
- What?

Did you check it at the supermarket
because the top was popped up already.

It's fine, Ray.

You got to check them
when you buy them.

Why don't you buy them,
then you can check them.

Yeah, if I bought them, I wouldn't buy
one that had been tampered with.

Nobody tampered with it.
I just had some.

You just said you didn't.

I forgot.

Well, when you opened it,
did it pop up?

I don't know. I am tired.

It has escalated to a fight
to illustrate the effects

of child-induced sleep deprivation
and marriage.

I'm not drinking this.
I'll wait and see what happens to you.

But some ideas just
don't seem to travel well.

Yes, I opened the juice,
and I drank it!

Yes, I just had some!

You just said you didn't.

The problem is that since Kostya doesn't
build with Vera as she gets upset

it just makes her anger
seem inappropriate.

Speak up.

The director is giving notes to her
more than he is to him.

She's fine.

The only thing I would say to him
is he can yell one of the lines.

It can't all come from her.
Some has to come from him.

I love how it starts casually,
"Hey, what's with the juice? It's popped."

Until she contradicts herself
and then he's caught her.

"You just said you didn't,"
you know?

I just had some!

You just said you didn't.

He's not getting it.

He get it, you know.

I know, it's tricky with the...
Yeah, first day.

- We'll do it.
- Sure.

I would like Phil to be a little happier
about where our Kostya is, and he's not.

I would feel better if he were a little
more confident that this guy is the guy.

I just... I'm waiting to laugh.

- Phil's not laughing at all.
- He's not laughing.

I want to.

I don't know why he's coming in
and stopping.

When he comes in, why is he coming
in quickly and then slowing down?

Isn't he just tired?

Isn't he just coming in like,
"How are you?

"I'm getting my juice."
You know, thing.

Too many notes,
too much information for today.

It's like, "Okay. Okay. Okay."

Here's what I don't understand,
in the system you have here

there's no time for any consideration
to be given to the episode as a play.

Maybe that's tomorrow.

Russian magic word:

"Tomorrow"

They don't seem to enjoy me.

And they may be right.
I may not be enjoyable.

We go on camera tomorrow.

And then Sony tells me
I've got to meet this guy,

this head of comedy for
the Russian network,

the new head of comedy.

It's really important
that we get on his good side

because he's very, very important.
So, okay.

We meet him and he doesn't
look like a head of comedy.

And they brief me that he's
very proud of his achievements,

which include adapting The Nanny
and Who's the Boss?,

the biggest comedy hits
on Russian television.

I'm a big fan of yours because
they showed me The Nanny.

I just try to introduce my experience

into any new project I'm doing.

I like very much remembering...

And he just starts talking
and talking and talking

about his philosophy of comedy
and where he came from,

how fascinating his life has been.

My specialty was optics...

Like lasers and such kinds of things.

I made special lasers,
in a special volume and scope.

There were many times,
many times working in television

that I wished that I knew about lasers
and I wish I had some with me,

We want to talk a little bit
about the Raymond stuff

and then we can go
back to the other stuff.

He gets around to saying
how hilarious The Nanny is,

and how funny it is,
and why it's so funny.

It is funny,
even when just reading the script.

"And when I read Raymond..."

...it is not funny.

How much am I supposed to take?

I don't have to come to Moscow
to be told I'm not funny,

I could hear that in my house.

Okay, here we are.
It's the first day of shooting.

If we can try to put out
to the director and Artyom

positive energy.

I think they're artists
and I think they're sensitive

and I think if they look back at any
one of us and see a look on our face of

"This sucks" or "This guy is no good,"

at this juncture,
it could deflate them.

I can't hide what I think very well.

You have a very expressive face.

So we're going to paint on,
if you don't mind,

- we're going to paint on a grin.
- I'm gonna do this.

Yeah, like that. See?

Day one shoot begins and there
has been an attempt to placate me

and my insistence on a live audience.

And this is good because the audience's
energy is essential to the show.

These are the 20 people
who have been paid to laugh.

They sit on a platform
away from the action

looking at a TV set that shows a
master shot without any close-ups.

Have fun.

Okay, here we go, magic time.

They shot that?

- And there were laughers?
- Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

They do it again.

This isn't naturalism,
it's more like a Russian folk dance.

I think if this really happens to you,

it's slow, you can hardly breathe.

This note is not getting through.
It's not believable.

I'd like to talk to our director
but he keeps walking away.

- They're not interested.
- Yeah, they're great at their exit scene.

Now I'm no expert
on this kind of a bit,

but I do know when
something is believable or not.

Do you hear that?

Could this happen?
Is this believable?

I think we all know the world where
even this could really happen.

But I don't know the world where a man
reacts to a universal pain like this.

Because of their experience, they think that
believable somehow won't get the laughs.

I think that's their fear.

And I would buy that if
they were laughing...

- Yeah.
- ...at their way.

Look how unhappy they look.
I think they think this is a bus stop.

And they will get more and more upset

when time passes and there is no bus.

Stop.

I actually have an idea,

which is to,
right before the scene starts,

kick him in the balls.

You don't think we got it?

No.

What do you mean?

I just want to try one where he's not...

You know,
because he's not on fire.

It's a disaster.
Our very first moment in the story is ruined.

But I'm supposed to remain positive,
so I think maybe I'll help a little.

Here's the one who kicked you.

Stop.

Why is laughing no good?

Because we...

It would just disrupt their sound.

They are recording all the sound.

And then we're putting all the
laughing in the postproduction

so your laugh or any noise
we are making now...

It will just be spoiled.

Then why do we have the laughers?

Good question. Good question.

What the hell is going on?

So we don't want laughs at all.

That could have been said to us
from the beginning.

- I know.
- No sound can be made.

The idea was that they would be far enough
away where they wouldn't be picked up.

But the laughs are only for the actors.

I can't anymore.
I'm not getting through to them.

But I have to admit,
they're getting through to me.

I'm having a genuine
Russian moment here.

I was invited to the home of friends
of one of our Russian producers for dinner.

I had asked to see the way a real
multi-generational family lives in Moscow,

but to be honest,
I wasn't in the mood anymore.

- Okay, what did they say, 11?
- Eleven, yes.

Then, it's written in...
It looks like magic marker.

To the right.

All right, we're looking
for apartment 95.

That's nice.

- Hello.
- Hello, hello. Hi.

- I'm Phil.
- Aleksandar.

- Aleksandar.
- Alek,

Very nice to meet you, thank you.
This is Marina.

- I'm Phil.
- Natashia.

Natashia, nice to meet you.

- Timor. Tim.
- Tim.

Very nice to meet you.

- Hello.
- Vladimir.

Phil. Thank you very much.

This is a beautiful home.

- What drink?
- What would you like to drink?

- Vodka, cognac, whiskey, champagne.
- Wow.

Just water maybe.

Vodka.

To the meeting.

You're just like my mum.

- Is it enough?
- What?

To our mother-in-law...

Then we should drink to the kids.

Of course.

...for them to be happy.

- That's a nice toast.
- Phil.

- What did he say?
- Drink, drink.

I can't sit and not drink, okay.

One more.
This is your mother, okay.

And everybody gets along very nicely?

We get along very well.

My family is different.

Often times there are arguments.

How long have you been married?

In two days, they'll have an anniversary,
18 years.

That's same as me,
18 years, yeah.

Then we should drink to women then...

Okay.

- To women.
- My wife would like this one.

How do you manage to argue
if you live in different cities?

Very easy. Telephone.

When there is an argument

you should look into
the eyes of the person.

We do it, Internet.

Do you use the Internet?

- Do you go on the Internet?
- Yes.

Do you use the Internet?

They know how to do it?
They know how it works?

This I have to see,
because my parents...

He wants to talk on Skype to your family.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello, who are you?

Can you see us?

These are my parents in New York.

Do I accept?

Yes.

Accept.

Here we are. Okay.

- Hi.
- Okay.

This is Vladimir and Ludmila.
This is Max and Helen.

- Ludmila?
- Hello.

This technology is amazing.

And then my dad hits the wrong button

and they don't think
we can see them anymore.

I knew it. Max, I said...

- Are you okay?
- I told you to not touch anything.

This is why we have a show.

This is why I'm here,
able to be with you in Moscow,

- because of this right here.
- This is typical in our family.

Can you speak any other language?

They speak only Russian.

They speak only Russian.

They're very glad that
you liked our country.

I think it's very interesting.
I've always been very interested...

- You don't have to get so close, Ma.
- ...in Russian literature.

You know, opera.
Do you like opera?

They say they like music very much.

They'll never get her off now.

This is now all night.

By the way,
were you interested in how I'm doing?

- That's a minor point by comparison.
- How's the show coming?

Don't ask.

Let's drink to all the families.

For some reason
my head hurts this morning.

But I don't know,
I think a realistic Russian family sitcom

would definitely be
relatable to that family.

So, I come to work on the second day
of shooting with a renewed sense of hope.

And that hope is quickly dashed.

Our director won't even look at me.

I'm trying to connect.
I'm trying every way I can to be of use.

As opposed to just
being a niggling kind of,

"Well, that's not how we did it."

So, I don't give many different notes,

I mainly keep repeating the "Could
this happen?" line of defense.

But I'm a stranger in a strange land.

Super Mario just walked in.

I think Super Mario is looking for Luigi.

After lunch it's time to shoot
the big scene of the day.

The dreaded orange juice scene.

Morning...

Don't tell me you didn't get enough sleep!

And again...

The top didn't click...

What?

The top didn't make that sound.

You have to check before buying it.

The scene doesn't work because
he's playing it like Crime and Punishment.

If they approach it like they're
arguing about, you know,

"What did you do with the money?"
or something,

or "How are we going
to pay the mortgage?"

it's not funny, it's a drama.

Next take they are angrier and louder.

I think we need to talk about the story.

I think there's a basic misunderstanding
of what the story is of this scene.

I can't even exactly articulate
how to make it funny. Phil can.

We haven't seen it funny yet.
We have not seen it funny.

It is at this moment in our day that the
head of comedy decides to visit the set.

He's about to be proven correct.
It's not funny.

It's not going great.
It seems they're playing it like melodrama.

They haven't found the right tone.
It's just way... It's like sad, even.

This is a perfect storm of terrible.

And then our director was so worried
that they were about to do another take

of this scene in front
of the head of comedy

that he turned to me for
the first time all week

and asked in English,
"What do you think?"

I just repeated
what I'd said and demonstrated

about five times already that day.

I didn't think it was possible
to get through to this actor,

but somehow Sasha,
the director, did It.

Much better.

It's an evolution, though. I see it.

- It's working.
- True. True.

They wanted to do it again.
Take number nine. This is unheard of.

It was me... I opened it...
I drank it.

You just said you didn't!

It's not perfect,
but they all seemed very happy

Including Mr. Head of Comedy
and they got the scene.

Stop.

Diplomacy in action.

- Good job, you did a great job.
- Yeah.

- That was amazing, Thank you very much.
- Thank you for the advice.

- No, you really...
- It's really good.

Excellent.

We had finally collaborated.

They wrapped for the day.

Everyone's friends,
everyone's happy,

the pretty actress touches me.
This is why you take a career in the arts.

Thank you, Phil,
see you tomorrow.

We have a husband and wife
and they are fighting and living together

and they get tired of each other.

- The wives are the boss, everywhere.
- Not in my family.

- No?
- Can we cut it from here?

Yeah!

I get it. The show's for them.
They have to make it their own.

The best advice I ever got
was do the show you want to do,

because in the end,
they're going to cancel you anyway.

Look who's here.

- You design dog clothes now?
- Yes.

So, this one is a little Santa Claus.

Mommy. He wants Mommy.
I understand.

Look at this one.

Alley-oop.

Dance.

I would do whatever she says, actually.

I mean,
I'll dance if she says dance.

Everybody Loves Raymond
is such a great show,

it's dealing with almost all of our lives,
but it's still funny.

Our main goal is to bring that
into the Russian product.

When they're doing this thing,
what if you could cut back to him

and he's sitting with his tea,
like, "This is a good show,

"I like this show.
This is a good show."

And suddenly...

Stop.

...it's over.

Nice to work with you.

The actors, director, crew
all run to their next jobs.

So what do I think of the
Russian version of my show?

Well, overall, I'd say for the time we had,
the conditions, the translations, the food,

they did an amazing job.

- Yeah.
- Here.

Go, man.

We're moving.

I'm not sure the food goes with the rolling.

- How many times around are we going?
- We're gonna go back to base and stay there.

Do you want to get out and walk?

I may throw up.

Could the restaurant pull over?

It's time to go.
There's just one stop I want to make.

They told me that Eldar is in a
medical facility outside Moscow

and he can meet me at a local
restaurant near there today.

Hey.

- How are you? You look good.
- I'm so happy to see you here.

I'm very happy to see you.

He tells me he's going to
be there a few more days,

that he's going to have a procedure,
but that he's going to be okay.

And you know whatever the truth is,
that's all I really care about.

- To being okay.
- Thank you.

- Here, this is for you.
- Thank you.

Wow, it's fantastic. Thank you.

I know that shells is not typical
hobby for bodyguards, but...

- Thank you.
- I'm so glad you like it.

You know,
in kings' time in Russia,

they make a cup for kings from this shell.

They cut like that
and make it silver or gold here.

- Yeah.
- It was like a cup to drink.

Wow, you really know about this.

I have two hobbies, sir,
next time we can talk about the knives.

You told me about the knives.

- I like the shell hobby better.
- Yep.

- It's a little safer.
- Safer, yes.

I'm just so happy that you're okay
and that is...

Thank you, sir,
I'm so happy that you came here.

I have to say,
he does look very good.

Maybe I should check
in for some tests here.

I'm finding that the Russians
aren't particularly difficult.

Individuals are particularly difficult.

There's all kinds of people everywhere.

There's people who get stuff,
there's people who don't get stuff,

there's people who like what they like,

there's obstinate people,
there's enthusiastic people,

there's comedy and laser expert people.

But even then, nobody's
just one thing all the time.

At any given moment most people could
either be a pain in the neck like me

or strangers
that can make you feel like family.

It turns out they tested the show
and it went very well.

Except for one actor
who didn't test well.

So after everything we went through,

they fire him.

Now what?

The Russians want to buy our first 40 scripts
forEverybody Loves Kostya.

They just want to replace Kostya.

So, no more Kuskin?

No more Kuskin, they have...

Igor Dronov is playing Kostya.

This is the clip they sent.
But it doesn't matter what I think

because they went ahead
and cast him without asking me.

Why did they go with this guy?

This guy really understands comedy...

...he's also a very well known
face in Russia

and the network just loves him.

He's famous.

All right.

So what have we learned?
We learned that, I think, family

ultimately is a universal thing,

but unfortunately,
so is show business.

What the hell is that?

Oh, that's his phone.

That's the ringtone on his phone.
It makes me have to go to the bathroom.

Here I go.

And now he's listening to his wife
all the time.

Wife.

Oh, wife.
It's the same in every language, I think.

Yes. Yes.

It says, "Gentlemen,
please close the door.

"Aroma is not pleasing,
even flowers are dying."

Is there another bathroom?

- America.
- America.

Say, "Hello, America."

- Hello, America.
- Hey.

- He's good.
- You like that?

He did a good job.

Yeah, better than you, really.

- What's that, Eldar, right ahead?
- Soviet Army Theater.

- Soviet Army Theater?
- Yes.

- Is it a good show?
- I think so.

This is Stanislavsky.

This is Gagarin.

More than 25 years,
I played this part.

Amadeus, you know?

That's good.