All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E40.Charlie.and.the.Devil.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track3_[eng]

Welcome, everyone.

You may have noticed
we have a new member with us.

- This is Bob.
- Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Hello.

Bob got into
a little legal trouble

where he works...
at Wendy's.

You want to tell the group
what caused the judge to
recommend counseling?

I had a disagreement
with my boss.

And you felt that warranted
taking your Subaru

and turning
the regular entrance into
a drive-thru entrance?

Truth is I've always
had issues with anger.

My boss at Wendy's
was kind of disrespectful.

Oh, also,
I'm the Devil.

Bob, just because people
vilify us

or we feel guilty
about a certain incident,

that doesn't mean
we're the Devil.

You're right,
we're not the Devil.

I'm the Devil and I don't
feel guilty about anything.

Okay, did the new guy
just say that he was
the Devil?

Yes, but we need
confirmation.

Ed, is this the man
you work for?

No! And I'm pretty sure
that's just an expression.

Back in the day,
when a fella called
himself the Devil,

that just meant
he liked big gals.

No, actually,
I meant that I am Satan.

Ruler of the underworld.
He of the cloven hoof.

Well, this is all
news to me, Bob.

But there's nothing here in
your file that says anything

about you being
the Prince of Darkness.

Although I did kind of
skip over that you listed

your emergency contact
as Charles Manson.

He's always home.
Seemed like a natural.

Okay, I got to go.
I can't sit here anymore.

Lacey, if Bob's making you
uncomfortable--

No, I just got waxed
and my shorts are sticking.

I did that.

So you're the Devil, huh?

Tell your buddy Barack
he's doing a hell of a job.

I will.
Oh, just so everybody knows,

I'm still in the market
for souls.

So if you have one to sell
for an unfulfilled dream
or desire,

I'm your guy.

Bob, I'm going to
let you stay in group

under one condition:

that you stop talking about
all this Devil stuff.

Deal.

I have something
I'd like to talk about.

Nolan has the floor.

I really like Lacey a lot

and I would do anything
to get her to like me.

I would give anything.

Sell anything.

- Nolan!
- Done.

- She's yours.
- Bob, we had a deal.

Yeah, but it was
with the Devil.

Okay, I'm going
to say something that
I've never said before.

No selling souls in group.

I never put that
in the rules

'cause I didn't think
I had to.

Yay! Mom's dead.

You're no fun.

You used to love my Halloween
pranks when you were little.

You'd cry,
you had nightmares,
you peed your bed.

It was awesome.

Mom, I want to talk
to you about Halloween.

- I can't wait.
- Stacy's having a party,

so I'm not going
to be able to stay.

Okay.

You can go
to Stacy's at 9:00,

but until then,

we're having forced
mother-daughter fun.

My thumb!

Oh, I cut my thumb!

Nice try, Mom.

Oh, God,
this isn't about you!
This is real!

This is bad.
I need to go to the hospital.

You're going
to have to drive.

I get to drive?!

No, sucker!

- Hey.
- Hey.

So are you going to
dress up for Halloween?

I was going to
go as a giant dick,
but you beat me to it.

That's painful
and I'm hurt.

Seriously, why do you
look like an idiot?

Well, with Halloween
coming up, I asked
everyone in my group

to dress in
whatever costume

they felt expressed
where they're at
in their life.

So you're
the Johnnie Walker
whiskey guy?

No, I'm the Mad--

yes,
I'm the Johnnie Walker
whiskey guy.

Why are you here?

I wanted to see
if you would join me

for a double date
on Halloween.

A double date?

Gee whiz, who do I get,
Laverne or Shirley?

You get Carlita.

Whoa. She's hot.
What's her story?

She's a motorcycle model.

Really helps to get
into soft-core porn.

Hey, Charlie.
I just dropped Ed off.

Hi, I'm Martin.
Charlie's dad.

- How are you, sir?
- Sir, I like that.

- And you are?
- I'm Sean.

I'm Charlie's
new neighbor.

I was just setting
your son up

with a young lady
that I met in church.

Church going young man.
I like that, too.

- My dad is
a hard-core Catholic.
- Oh, really?

The girl I'm setting
him up with is more
like soft-core.

Please, God, someday
she'll be be hard-core.

Fingers crossed.

What's her name?

- Carlita.
- So, Charlie,

maybe you could
take this Carlita

to a church function
for your first date.

I'm not going back
to church, Dad.

It took me years to get
going-to-hell stuff
out of my head.

Now if you'll excuse me,
the Devil wants his
blueberry muffin.

So, Sean,
could we talk?

Nolan, you're supposed
to wear a costume

that represents
where you think
you are in life.

I am.

I think I'm in California.

Hey, Charlie,
can I talk to you?

- I got a big problem.
- What is it?

I'm really scared.

I never should have
sold my soul to Bob
so Lacey would love me.

Nolan, you didn't sell
your soul to anybody.

Trust me,
as a recovering Catholic,

I know that the Devil
goes by many names.

Bob ain't one of them.

Trust me,
you're safe.

Patrick, an astronaut.
What's up with that?

Well, I looked
at my life

and I feel

like I'm floating
in space

completely alone.

Also, I'm really
kind of above everybody.

Ed, I love what you got
going on here.

Your wife threw
you out of the house,

you're shacking up
somewhere else,
money's tight.

Is that why you
dressed like a hobo?

No, no,
that's Patrick.

I'm not--
oh, you said hobo.

You heard him just fine,
didn't you?

Yeah.

I picked this costume
just for that joke.

And, Bob,
you are dressed like...

The Devil.

Where's Lacey?

She should be here
any minute.

Hey.

Speak of the me.

Behold, Cleopatra,

Queen of the Nile.

Way to go, Lacey.

And what makes you feel
like Cleopatra?

Well, she was
super strong

and, like,
super smart

and she totally
ruled her people

and she was great
in the sack.

But ultimately,

she gave up
her entire kingdom

for the man
that she loved.

Holy hell.

Shut up, Bob.

Sorry.

So, Cleo, I hear
your parole hearing
didn't go so well.

No, it did not go so well.
No, it did not.

I understand
you used the defense

that one of your
other personalities did it.

That your crimes
were committed by

Monique Detwoliterfresca.

She's a bad girl

who really likes Fresca.

I don't know why
it didn't work.

I'll tell you why,
'cause you're full of it.

I see this all the time.
People want to get
out of crimes.

People want attention.

There's a patient
in my group right now who

says he's the Devil.

I don't know, Charlie.

Any guy who says
he's the Devil,

you gotta take
that seriously.

Because one of those guys
that says he's the guy,

is "the guy."

But he's not "the guy,"
but one of my other patients

thinks he's "the guy"
and sold him his soul.

Oh, he's doomed.

All you can do now,
Charlie, is protect yourself.

First thing you gotta do
is say his name backwards.

It's Bob.

So, let me see...

Bob.

Oh, damn,
the Devil's so tricky.

He made it so you can
never say his name backwards.

Y'all done talking?

Y'all done playing around?

'Cause there ain't no way
in hell that Charlie's
patient is the Devil.

Any rational human being
knows that.

Exactly.
Everyone listen to Wayne.

The Devil's right here
in Cell Block D.

Okay, no one
listen to Wayne.

This dude is Satan.

When you meet him,
oh-oh, you'll know.

You know, if your friend Bob
took a trip to Cell Block D,

he wouldn't dare call
himself the Devil anymore.

Wayne, there is no Devil.

But you know what?

Maybe if Bob met somebody
with a similar delusion,

it might jar him back
to reality.

Just make sure,
when you go down
to Cell Block D,

you say the Dark Lord's name
backwards.

And his name is?

Otto.

Of course it is.

Sam:
So, change of plans, Mom.

I can only hang out with you
till 7:00 on Halloween.

What? We had a deal.

You promised me you'd
stay until 9:00.

But Stacey's rich.

Okay, that buys
you an hour.

8:00,
but bring me home some
rich people cake.

And if the soap is good,
take some of that, too.

Fine, I'll stay
till 8:00.

8:00.

Hello.

Well, hello.

I'm Jeff.
I just moved in next door.
I wanted to say hi.

Hi, I'm Jennifer.

This is my daughter Sam.

You and your wife
got a great place.
I love that house.

Divorced.

Oh, great.
Me, too. Come in.

Listen, why don't you

come here for Halloween?

I can give you
all the local gossip
over my witch's brew.

It's just juice
with a lot of vodka.

I'll be by myself
because Sam's going
to a party early.

Right, Sam?

I am. At 7:00.

You can go at 6:00
if you want.

So what do you say?

I would love to,
but I need to ask Quinn.

We plan to spend
Halloween together.

Quinn, drop the box,
come meet the neighbors.

He just got back
from class.

Hey, cool skeleton.

Yeah, we found it
in a shallow grave

in your backyard before
you guys moved in.

Is it okay if
Quinn comes, too?

Totally.
Right, Mom?

Of course.

I mean, what about
your party?

Oh, that party's
not important.

I really want to spend
Halloween with you.

What a nice thing
to say to your mother.

She wasn't talking to me.

I know this
seems unusual, Bob,

but seeing people locked up
because of their anger

is part of your therapy.

Hey, can we swing by
death row later on
before we leave?

I want to thank them
for their service.

Why don't you wait
here and I'll bring
you in in a second?

Okay.

Hello.

Who dares
to stand before me?

My name
is Charlie Goodson.

I run a therapy group
in this prison.

State your purpose.

But know full well
that all who doubt my
supreme power

shall burn in the lake
of fire for all of eternity.

Good to know.

Anyhoo,

I brought someone who
I thought might benefit
from meeting you.

Bob.

Uh, Bob, Otto.
Otto, Bob.

Oh, my Lord of Darkness,

I submit to you
my mortal soul.

Rise, my son,

for as my minion,
you shall rule by my side
at the gates of hell.

Really?

That's how
this is going?

And you,

for doubting me,
I curse thee.

You shall now lose
something that you love.

Sorry to get
all formal, I'm working.

What the hell?

How can you do a Google
search of the Bible

and still
come up with porn?

Martin:
Charlie, where are ya?

I'm in here.

Hey, son,
we have to talk.

Ed tells me that you have
the Devil in your group?

No, no, no, no.
I have a guy who thinks
he's the Devil.

So I'm trying to find
some logical evidence here
to prove to him that he's not.

Charlie, there is nothing
in any one of these books

that can disprove
the existence of the Devil.

He's as real as you and me.

So you're saying that
the curse he put
on me is real?

Curse? What curse?

He said I was going
to lose something I love.

Oh, God, I'm a dead man.

Trust me, Dad,
you're safe.

Oh.

Charlie, if there was
ever a time for you to
come back to the Church,

now is that time.

"Put on the whole
armor of God

that ye may
be able to stand against
the schemes of the Devil."

Ephesians 6:11.

Get out of my kitchen.
Los Angeles, 7:45.

Look, son--

I'm not going back
to church, Dad.

Now, I'm just saying,
you are dealing with
the Devil.

I deal with the Devil
once a year.

I hand him his
Father's Day card
and then I walk out.

Lacey, for the last time,

please get back in your seat
and leave Nolan alone.

But this is the only time
I get to see him.

He won't let me
into his house and he
won't answer my calls.

Because you're under
the control of the Devil.

Where is Bob?
Did he go down to Georgia?

No, he took the night off
for Halloween.

To make a few extra bucks,
he tries to win costume contests

in "winged form."

But you have to do
something about this.

I don't want
to lose my soul.

You know who else
lost their soul?

Usher, Usher,
Usher, Usher.

Nolan, it's meaningless.

The guy even cursed me.
He said that I would lose
something I love.

Like the way the world lost
Usher when he lost his soul?

Everything isn't about Usher!

Okay, let me try
one more time.

Lacey, honey,

Nolan's car
has cloth seats.

I don't care.

Well, there's nothing
more I can do.

Lacey, just try one more
time to explain to us

why you're so in love
with Nolan.

I think it's
because of his

stained T-shirt.

Or maybe it's the way
he cuts his own hair

that makes me want his
Cheeto-powdered fingers
all over me.

Get away from me,
you succubus.

Lacey:
No.

- Get her off me.
- No.

- Get her off me.
- No, no, no.

All right, all right,
come on, come on, come on.

- No! No! No!
- Come on, come on, come on.

You got her, come on,
come on.

All right, all right,
all right. Everybody
just chill out.

Bob is not the Devil.
Nolan's not going
to lose his soul.

We all just need to stop.

I can't,
I want him.

Nolan, you got
a head start.
Take it.

I'm watching your ass.
It's adorable.

Don't look at my ass!

You know
I'm gonna catch him,
Charlie, right?

He runs like a girl,
and I love that.

I hope you're right
about Bob not being
the Devil.

Charlie, Charlie.

Couple of Puerto Rican
chicks in here that are
just dying to meet you.

If you're waiting for me
to sing something back,

not gonna happen.

- He's on his way, okay.
- Awesome.

Charlie,

this is Maria

and Carlita.

Hi, I'm Charlie.

Sean, why don't you make
us all a quick drink

and I'll go upstairs
and change.

I've never been out with
a psychologist before.

I hope you're not
gonna analyze me.

Too late.

Anybody who says that
is intelligent,

sexy, confident
with their body,

and attracted to guys
named Charlie.

You're cute.

I know, I'm Charlie.

Oh, my God,

I am so sorry.

Holy crap,
where the hell did
that come from?

From your head.

What?

Dude,

something is wrong
with your hair.

Oh, my God,

Bob the Devil said
I would lose something
I love.

Relax, it's fine, okay?
Everything is okay.

Listen, ladies,
the bald guy is gonna
go upstairs and grab a hat,

and then we'll get going.

Oh, no, you are too young
to dress like that.

Yeah, and you're too old.

Come on, Sam,
I think I have a shot
with this guy.

Yeah, well,
I actually think I have
a shot with his son.

A shot to do what?

A lot less than you.

Oh, it's them.

Okay, sweetheart,

you look beautiful.

But you need to remember,
if it doesn't work out for you,

don't ruin Mommy's night.

Tennis, anyone?

Oh, I love
your outfits.

1970s tennis players,
hilarious.

I can't believe people
actually dressed like that.

Yeah, I know, right?

We wore these at
the parade this summer.

- The parade?
- Yeah, the Gay Pride Parade.

It was insane this year.

You hear that, Mom?

They went to
the Gay Pride Parade.

Oh, good for you
for being so supportive.

Do you have a cousin
or a nephew

or someone
who's gay-- oh!

You're gay.

You're gay.
Okay.

I love your outfit.

Thanks,
I'm a stupid nurse.

Hey, don't worry
about a thing.
You'll look great bald.

Or maybe you'll win
the lottery and you can
still get a woman.

Dad, I am
freaking out here.

I know that you are,
and that's why you're going
to mass with me this morning.

Because as soon as you
get your feet set back on
the path of righteousness,

the power of the Devil
over you will be greatly
diminished.

Yeah, maybe, I just

feel like such an idiot.

I've rebelled against this
for the last 30 years.

Why did it have
to be my hair?

Why couldn't he have
put a plague upon my family

or taken my oxen
or something?

Hey, guys.

What are you both
so dressed up for?

We're just leaving
for the 10:00 mass.

You're going to church?
That actually worked?

What worked?

God's will.

Now, come on,
I don't want to get
a crappy pew.

No, no, no,
hold on, hold on.
That's not what worked.

Something else worked.
What the hell worked?

The hair thing.
It was a trick.

A trick?

Charlie, your hair
is fine.

This guy comes to me
with this crazy plan
to get you back into church,

so I had Carlita
pretend to pull some
hair out of your head.

You got to admit,
she was pretty convincing.

Oh, yeah,
she's gonna kill
in soft-core porn.

Why would you
do that to me?

It was Halloween.

How could I believe you
were a good Catholic boy

who was gonna help me get
my son back to the Church?

It was Halloween.

Well, you know what?
You're both idiots.

You, you're lucky
I still got laid last night.

And you,
you had to suffer
the indignity of...

hearing about
your son getting
laid last night.

Well, as everyone can see,

Bob is back with us today.

Hey, guys.

Would you please

stop it with the whole
regular guy-Devil thing?

The Devil would never say,
"Hey, guys."

If anything, he would say,
"Greetings, mortals."

I don't even think
he would say that.

Bob talks like a regular guy
because that's all he is.

Bob is not the Devil.

What are you talking about?
Of course I am.

You're not.

Even I fell for it,
thanks to that seed
of superstition

my father planted
in me during my Catholic
upbringing.

I even went to church
and talked to a priest.

Those guys crack me up.

Even had this--

this ancient book
of old Latin exorcism prayers.

I got to tell you,
those books never
made sense to me.

I never learned Latin.

A little Spanish, you know,
just for the Inquisition.

I even said
one of those prayers, Bob.

And that is how I know

that you are not
the Devil.

Because if you were,

your hair would
be falling out.

and plainly--
oh, my God,

your hair is falling out.

All hail, Baldy the Devil!

Why is this happening?

I-- I--
I'm not the Devil.

I was just pretending to get
a little respect at Wendy's.

You don't understand
the politics of that place.

Thank you.

And this is not your hair.

I gave my neighbor
Sean a haircut.

He owed me one, and plus,
he's a heavy sleeper.

So long, Bob.

Fine.

Good-bye, Satan.

Wait, this is amazing.

I didn't sell my soul,

which means
Lacey really loves me.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

I just slept for 18 hours.
I bet my friend

that I could do ecstasy
five days in a row

and it wouldn't
affect my life

and I totally
won the bet.

Ecstasy?

You said you were
in love with me.

You said my ass
was adorable.

Wow, I did?

Well, that didn't
affect my life,

so I still won
the 50 bucks.
Yay me.

Charlie,

what the hell?
You couldn't take hair
from the back,

you had to take it
from the top?

It was Halloween.