All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E29.Charlie.and.the.Hit.and.Run.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track3_[eng]

As a rule, I don't talk
about your insane business
ideas before breakfast.

Fine, we'll eat
breakfast and then
I'll pitch it to you.

Yeah, but then
technically it'll be
before breakfast tomorrow.

I don't really see
a way out of this.

I'm telling you,
Charlie, no one's ever done
a food truck like this.

All we're gonna serve
is turkey, cranberry sauce,

mashed potatoes
and stuffing.

It's Thanksgiving
all year long.

That's great.
You should also hire
some family members

to sit around the truck
and argue about things that
happened 20 years ago.

And I have a gimmick.

Whatever you don't finish,
you give back to us

and we serve it to you
for free the next day
as leftovers.

If you can find the truck.

If you can find the truck.

Hey, I'm going down
to get a paper.

I love the obituaries
in Los Angeles.

Everybody's famous here.

Last week a sound technician
from "Forrest Gump"

dropped dead on the crapper.

Yup, nothing
but glitz and glamour.

I'll be back in five.

Two eggs over easy,
bacon crispy.

You know how I like it.
Chop, chop.

Do you think rat poison would
change the flavor of eggs?

Why are you
so impatient with him?

He's been here three days.

Well, he's scared.
There was a robbery

down the block
from his complex.
He doesn't want to be alone.

Yeah, there's a huge
market out there right now

for pill organizers
and pit-stained undershirts.

I've got to get him
out of here. I was thinking
about buying him a gun.

Oh, no, Charlie.
One out of four
shooting victims

gets shot by their
own weapon.

Oh, well, then I'll
get three more just to be
on the safe side.

So, Nolan, at the last
session we talked about how
you don't socialize enough.

That's crazy.

You mean socialize to
go out and meet people?

- Exactly.
- Oh, yeah, I don't do that.

Would somebody mind
taking Nolan out tonight?

Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Dibs on not doing it.

Okay, I've got
to respect dibs.

Patrick, you're up.

I think it'll help to have
somebody else ease Nolan
into a social situation.

Fine, but only
for like an hour.

I have a horrible person
staying in my home who
I do not trust.

You don't trust me?

You're the one that told
me I won the lottery.

Do you think I like staying
at the Courtyard Fairyott?

Golly, if you two
kids can't make it,

I don't know what chance
there is for the rest of us.

It's not me.
Every night I can't sleep

because I'm listening to
this guy get ready for bed.

Who in the hell
dries his hair at night?

People with,
you know, hair.

I'd have hair if I used
Rogaine like he does.

Rogaine?
I don't--

why would--
you stay out of
my medicine cabinet.

I just needed to borrow
your deodorant.

Oh, my God.

You see why
I'm afraid to leave him
alone in my house?

You've got nothing
to worry about.

I already found
your diary.

- What?
- Oh, good, he's got
a diary.

Okay, guys,
we're out of time.

Patrick, treat Ed
like a guest.

Ed, keep his stuff
out of your armpits.

See you all Thursday.

Ed, can I talk to you
for a second?

I'm a little concerned
that you and Patrick are
gonna murder each other.

I hope half
of that happens.

I don't.

I think I might have
a better roommate for you.

How would you feel about
living with my dad?

Well, hell, Charlie,
I barely know the man.

Perfect.
That's one of his
best features.

Lacey, you've got
to help me.

I am too preoccupied
to take Nolan out tonight.

I'm dealing with
this hillbilly ghost
haunting my apartment.

He's just not dead yet.

Yeah, sucks to be you.
Bye.

Wait.
I know you called dibs,

but if you take Nolan
off my hands tonight,

- I'll give you $20.

I wouldn't do it
for 20 million billion.

How about 40 and I don't tell
Charlie you dented his car?

- You did that!
- I'm that desperate.

Sorry I took so long.
The cafeteria was packed.

When did this other
couple get here?

It's the same couple.
They're still going at it.

And she just had
another orgasm.

Weird.
She's barely moving.

How many is that?
Nine?

Try 15.

Mm, I'd like to.

Should we stop them?
It's getting late.

We can't stop them.
We're conducting
professional research.

What we can do is turn
it into a drinking game.

Good idea.

Every time she has
a confirmed orgasm,

we take a shot.

- And she's off.

I hope you didn't make
any plans tonight.

No, I'm happy to say
that I'll be going home
to an empty house.

I finally got my dad
to go back to his place.

I thought he was afraid
to go back.

He was, but then I convinced
Ed to move in with him.

- Wow.

I know.

Wait, how'd you do that?
They barely know each other.

Well, I told my dad
that he and Ed had
a lot in common.

- That they're
both, you know--
- Old?

- Yeah, and--
- Horrible people?

Exactly.

What's his secret?

I think it's all her.

Hitting a pothole
would get this woman off.

Don't you realize that
having one of your patients

move in with your dad
is a recipe for disaster?

No, but what
I did realize...

the beeping is coming
from the printer.

That woman's not having
an orgasm.

She's out of paper.

All I'm saying
is that she may be

this country's greatest
living American.

All right, Ed,
I'll bite.

How is Dolly Parton

our county's greatest
living American?

- Two reasons.
- Oh, come on.

No, no, it's not
what you think.

Her songwriting abilities

and her boobs.

Oh, please.

- Oh, no!

I hope to God
that was the same woman.

She just came out of nowhere
right in front of the car.

Don't worry
about the woman.

The hospital said
she'd be fine.

What you ought to worry
about is the lawsuit

because she's gonna sue you
for every last penny you've got.

Why should I be
worried about that?

That's why I have
insurance.

Insurance?

That's good.
You got an umbrella?

Because there's
a tsunami coming

and it speaks Jew
and it knows the law.

Now I'm really terrified.

What, that they're gonna
take all your money?

No, that I'm living
with you.

Look, the woman's
gonna be all right.

But her lawyers
ain't done yet.

If you got
anything saved up,

you better put it in a box
and bury it.

I do have a little
something put aside.

Well, then hide it, man.

Look, a friend of mine did
that when he was being sued.

He passed his money
over to a buddy.

And after
everything blew over,

the guy gave it
all back to him.

Well, almost all.

I kept a few bucks
for a down payment

on a Dodge Dart.

But I can't hide
the money with a friend

because if anyone found out,
then that friend

would be an accessory
to a crime, right?

Mm-hmm.
So what are you gonna do?

I'll give it
to the family.

Okay, I was supposed to get
you out of your house.

- You're out of your house.
- This is fun.

I told you not
to talk to me unless
it's something important.

Ugh, crap.
My sister's here.

She's such
an annoying bitch.

Hey, girl, hey.

What up, girl?

Oh, you look
so hot.

Like you've been
throwing up just enough.

Thanks.

I can't wait to talk
to you when I'm more drunk.

What's up with Joe Dirt?

Hey, Sateen.
Remember me?
Nolan from group.

Oh, I don't go
to AA anymore.
I'm cured.

Oh, look,
there's someone else.

So, are you and Lacey...

Are we what?

I mean, you know.
Are you guys together?

No, she just went
over there.

You're stupid.

Now seriously,
what's up with you
and my sister?

My therapist asked
this guy to take me out

and he sold me to Lacey
for 40 bucks.

So that means
my family owns you.

Which means I can do
whatever I want with you.

I guess, for tonight.

I don't know
what my contract
says after that.

I thought I saw
LeBron James,

but it was just this
other guy I already dated

because I thought
he was LeBron James.

Hey, your sister's
pretty cool.

You're stupid.

She said the same thing.

Sisters.

What do you think Grandpa
wants to talk to us about?

Maybe he dyed his hair
and we're gonna have to
tell him it looks good.

Well, I'm gonna be honest,
unless it does look good,

in which case I'll lie.

Okay, maybe he's coming
over to tell us he's gay.

Lori Miller's grandpa
came out last week

and it was really
exciting for everybody.

Except for
Lori Miller's grandma.

Hello, everybody.

Jen: Hi, Martin. How's it going?

- Great.
- How are things working
out with you and Ed?

Ed?
Ed's a big sweetheart.

- Oh, good.
- Sweetheart? I knew it.

What the hell
is she talking about?

It doesn't matter.
We'll never accept you.

So what are we here for?

Well, everybody,
please sit down.

First of all,
I want you all to know

that I love you all
very much.

Come on, suicide.

- And in life...
- Darn it.

...you take care
of the people you love.

Now, I don't want to die
an old man with a bag of money.

So I've decided to share

my life savings
with you three.

I have cashier's checks
for each one of you

for $35,000.

- Are you serious?
- There you go.

- Grandpa, thank you.
- You're welcome.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
$35,000?

- For each of us?
- Mm-hmm.

Where did you get...

three times $35,000?

I put away a little bit
at a time

and it eventually
worked up to be 100--

- And $5,000!
- Yes.

Why have I been supporting
you this whole time

when you're sitting
on this kind of money?

Because you're a good son.

But I was also afraid
if you cut me off, I'd need
something to live on.

So, there you have it.
Now look, don't spend it.

Save it for
a rainy day, all right?

Because you never know
when you or someone you
love might need it back.

I mean, need it.
Why did I say back?

So who'd like to go out
to dinner and celebrate?

Dad, I don't know
what to say.

How about before dinner
we make a toast to you?

Jen, why don't you
help me get a bottle
of wine out of the kitchen?

Sure.

Dad, are you dying?

I'm fit as a fiddle.

Oh, we'll get
the wine anyway.

This is so sweet
of your father.

Sweet, my ass.
The man is up to something.

He's never given me money.

I was always late for preschool
because of my second job.

He's just getting older
and sentimental.

He wants us to put it
in the bank so we have
more security.

Ah, you're probably right.

You know what we should do?
Spend it.

Spend it fast,
spend it hard,
spend it long.

This is my dad
we're talking about.

We need to burn
through this cash

before he changes
his evil little mind.

I'm buying a Corvette.

But, Charlie, he said
to save it for a rainy day.

Yeah?
Well, when that day comes,
I'll turn on the wipers.

So, Patrick,
I'm a little confused.
I thought I asked you

to take Nolan out
last night, not Lacey.

I know.
And I feel horrible.

It's probably the biggest
mistake of my life.

A simple "I don't care"
would have been sufficient.

I don't care.

So, Nolan,
how was your evening?

It would have been okay
if he hadn't spent all night

talking to my sister.
I hate her.

When she was little,
she was always hanging
around our house.

Yeah, that's
the problem with kids.

They become entitled
and they think they're
part of the family.

Lacey, I was asking Nolan
about his evening.

I know, and I'm telling
you it sucked for me.

We're out of time,
so I'll see you all
next Thursday.

So, Ed, how are things
going living with my dad?

Oh, it's fine.
He's a good man.

Ed, what's--
what's going on with
that money he gave us?

Oh, I don't know
nothing about that.

Sometimes a gift
is just a gift.

It's not like
he's hiding money
or nothing.

Hiding money?
From who?

Look, I've said enough.

If you think
I'm gonna say any more,
you're sadly mistaken.

I was a prisoner of war
in Vietnam

and your daddy's a veteran.

I wouldn't sell him out
for anything.

Ed, the police
already called.

They just picked him up.
He's down there right now
saying it was all your idea.

That son of a bitch.
What do you want to know?

What's going on, Ed?

Well, I just told him

to pass the money to
a friend, not a relative.

I didn't want to make
you an accessory.

Holy God, what the hell
did you guys do?

It wasn't too bad.
We almost killed a woman.

Your daddy hit her
with a car

and he's trying
to hide the money
in case he gets sued.

All you got to do is
just give it back to him.
You won't get in no trouble.

Give it back?
What if I'd already spent it?

Good thing I didn't.

Oh, crap.
Jennifer.

I told her to spend it.

Do you want me to go bail
your daddy out of jail?

He's not in jail, Ed.
Police never called.
I was just bluffing.

Oh, in that case,
would you mind

hitting me over the head
with one of these pool sticks?

I don't want to look like
I rolled over too easy.

- Hey, Charlie.
- Why don't you answer
your phone?

- I've been calling
you for an hour.
- Oh, sorry.

I think I left my phone
where I bought my new truck.

You bought a new truck?
It's only been 10 hours.

That's barely enough time
to look at a brochure.

What's your problem?

My dad gave us that money
to hide it from some lady
who's gonna sue him.

If we don't give it back,
we're all gonna be in trouble.

What'd you get,
a Dodge, a Ford?

A Thanksgiving food.

You were serious
about that.

It's a good business.

I told you about
the leftovers, right?

Okay, you know what?
It's still a vehicle,

which means we can
still take it back.

I don't think so.

Mr. Garcia--
very nice man,
by the way--

he took the money
I gave him for the truck

and went back
to Guatemala.

He's buying his daughter
back from a drug lord.

I don't understand
why we're going out again
if nobody's paying you.

The last time we were here,
all you did was ignore me.

I know,
and I feel so bad.

And I want to make it
up to you.

The only reason
you're here

is so that you and I
can have a good time.

Wow.

You don't know how long
I've been waiting--

Hey, Sateen, look who
likes me better than you.

Oh, God, is that
why you called?

To make sure I was here?
You are so sad.

And see-through.
Like Saran sad.

Hey, Nolan.

Once you're done
caring for my ancient
older sister,

why don't you
hang with me?

Oh, no, no, no.

This stops right now,
baby sister.

Nolan, sweetheart,
darling, cookie face,

tell Sesame
Streetwalker here

that you want to be
with me and not her.

Is that true, Nolan?

After all that
time we spent in
the booth last night

yelling over the music
and nodding like we could
hear each other?

I'm really sorry, Sateen,

and I'll never forget
everything I didn't
hear you say,

but my heart belongs
to your sister.

That's right.

Now turn that ass
around right now

unless you want
another nose job.

Fine.
Bye, bitch.

Bye, hooker.

Call you
tomorrow, baby girl.
Love you.

- Hey.
- Come here.

You've got to see
this couple from yesterday
having tantric sex.

Are they moving?

Yes, just very slowly.

How can there be a billion
people in India

if it takes this long
to have sex?

- I know, right?
- Whoa, you're in a hurry.

My dad ran over
an old woman

and my ex-wife is buying
a Thanksgiving food truck.

Mmm, not again.

The woman is gonna be fine,

but I'm afraid the family
is gonna sue,

so I want to get over there
and try to come to some
reasonable settlement.

- Oh, so you're
being proactive.
- Yes, I am.

That's a terrible idea.

Why? I want to try
to settle this before
the lawyers get involved.

If I don't,
Jen's gonna get dragged off
to jail in a turkey truck.

So you're negotiating
out of fear.

You're gonna go in there
like a little puppy dog,

hoping they like you
and listen to reason.

What you really need
is a big tough dog

who'll go in there and bite
them before they bite you.

Sure, but where am I
gonna get a big tough dog?

Woof.

Now remember,
you are the good cop

and I am the bad cop.

- Remember we used
to play that game?

You'd dress up
in that little uniform

and pat me down
looking for hidden weapons.

You'd always find
the same one and pretend
to be surprised.

Yes?
Can I help you?

- Hi, is this the home
of Joyce Lewis?
- Yes. I'm her son.

I'm Charlie Goodson.
My father is Martin Goodson.

And I'm his counsel
designated to negotiate
on his behalf.

Hells, yeah, she is.

Look, you can just
give us a bill to repair
the damages to your car.

We just don't want you taking
us to court, that's all.

- Excuse me?
- My mother suffers
from dementia.

She probably jumped out
in front of your father's car.

She used to be a stuntwoman
and she misses the action.

Usually we stop her before
she gets to the street

by yelling "Cut!"

That's very good news.

Except for your mom
getting hit by a car.

Hey, she's a stuntwoman.
That's pretty cool.

Would I have seen her
in anything

other than
my dad's windshield?

We're gonna go.

- Come and get it.
- Hey.

I brought us some dinner.

I hope you like
biscuits and gravy

because I brought extry.

Did you just
say "extry"?

Yeah, I did, but if
you don't like the word,
I'll never use it again.

No, no, I'm right good.

It's very kind of you
to do this, Ed.

Oh, a fella can be nice
for no reason, right?

I bought you a Bundt cake
for dessert.

It's all yours
just for being you.

Thank you.

- Oh, hang on.

- Charlie.
- Hey, Dad.

I've got to go.
They forgot to put honey
in for the biscuits.

- I got some in the cupboard.
- I prefer it in the package.

Leave me out of this
and save me a thigh.

Hey, come on in, son.

If this is all about you
coming over to thank me
for the money again,

you don't have to bother.

But if you'd like to stay
for dinner, Ed bought extry.

You can stop pretending
like everything's fine.

I found out the real reason
you gave us the money.

You hit a woman.

I've never hit a woman
in my life.

- With a car.
- Oh, yeah, I did that
the other day.

You'll be happy
to know they're coming
after everything I own--

my house,
Sam's college fund,
everything.

Oh, no, Charlie,
I swear to you

I never thought
this could happen.

Ed said you did.

Well, actually, I did.

I just never thought
it would happen.

But, look, this is
not a problem.

You just give me
all the money back
and I'll handle it.

I can't give it back.
We spent it.

You spent it?
It's been less
than 24 hours.

We got excited
and bought stuff.

Oh, God,
what have I done?

Relax, old man.
We didn't spend
all your money.

But I talked
to the woman's family.

You know
she's demented now?

Oh, God, no.

So what you're saying
is she can't testify.

You're unbelievable.

I can't even
teach you a lesson.

The reason she ran
in front of your car

is because she already
had dementia.

They're not gonna sue you,
but I'm thinking about it.

Oh, no, listen, Charlie,
I have learned my lesson.

I feel terrible.
Look, you just give me
all my money back

and I'll put my tail
between my legs

and just shuffle sadly
off back to the bank.

Well, I can give you
my share back,

but I invested Sam's
in a college fund.

Okay, I can live with that.

What about the money
I gave to Jen?

Bad news.

It's parked at the edge
of Koreatown selling turkey.

Turkey dinner for sale.

Turkey dinner for sale.

Turkey dinner for sale.

Turkey truck for sale.

Turkey truck for sale.

Turkey truck for sale.