All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E25.Charlie.and.the.Hot.Nerd.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track3_[eng]

We still have
a few minutes left.

Lacey, didn't you
have some kind of a big
test at work?

Yeah, and I totally
aced it.

I'm officially
allowed to sell drugs.

Welcome aboard.

Tomorrow's my first day
representing

Galaxy-Payson
Pharmaceuticals.

They also make peanut butter
and nuclear submarines,

but I'm not licensed
to sell those.

Well, they do have to worry
about national security.

You don't want peanut butter
to fall into the wrong hands.

So, you aced your test
with ease, huh?

Which one did
you cheat off of?

Chinese? Japanese?

Vietnamese?

Excuse me,
I did not cheat.

I just double-checked
my answers with somebody else's

before writing them down.

So you didn't cheat?

But it does
sound like you--

what's the right word?
--cheated.

Okay, but there's
only one test that
I really need to pass.

How much of this crap
can I sell?

And I think
I'm gonna do okay

because in case you
haven't noticed,

I'm superhot.

You still have to know
your products.

I do.

Okay, then quick,

give me the chemical name,
class and major side effects

of even one of the drugs
you're selling.

Anti...

dexta...

metho...

ooh, I dropped something.

So how many boxes
of Proloft do you want?

- This is it!

Sorry, Charlie.
I just finished
hooking things up

and I was testing
the alarm system.

No problem.
This is Monica,
my IT person.

Ed, what did you think
that was?

I don't know.
I thought it was
just a fire.

Or a race war.

No, no, Ed.
My race war alarm sounds
totally different.

So you hooked up
my alarm to my cell phone?

And I did
some other stuff, too.

Now you can run your whole
house from wherever you are.

Your TV, your lights,
your thermostat.

You can turn on your oven
from your car.

- How cool is that?
- That is very cool.

I can't tell you how many
times I'm stuck in traffic

thinking, "Oh, no,
I left my oven off."

Ooh, I should
hook up your blender.

That way you can make
margaritas from the bedroom.

All right,
with these sessions
here at my house,

I guess it was inevitable
that my personal life

would intrude
occasionally.

So I'm wide open
to discussing it.

Can you have sex with her
from the bedroom

when she's in the kitchen?

Okay, everybody get out.

Monica, I really appreciate
everything you're doing,

but I don't think I need
all this stuff.

Charlie, you are
going to love it.

Here, press this button
on your phone.

This one?
What happens now?

This.

That is a good button.

Hey, have you decided

if you're gonna come with me
to Comic-Con this weekend?

I really don't think so.

I don't do well
with that crowd.

We never see eye to eye.

Mostly 'cause they're all
wearing Darth Vader helmets.

Come on, Charlie.
It's gonna be fun.

And I'm finally
going to get to wear
a sexy costume.

My stupid, jealous
ex-boyfriend never let me.

I don't know.
Nerds hate me.

There's something about me
that brings out their rage.

It's been like this
my whole life.

In high school,
when I was a ballplayer,
at my wedding.

Something always happens,
I lose it,

and I wind up in a bathroom
with some brainiac wearing
a toilet for a hat.

At my wedding!

Thanks for the ride, Nolan,
but you don't have
to wait up here.

You can wait in the car.

I'm here for moral support.

If you make your first sale
and you're looking for somebody
to hug and kiss,

I'm your guy.

If it doesn't work out and you
want to slap somebody around,

that's okay, too.

Well, it's gonna go great.

I stayed up all night
memorizing everything.

So if you're just
gonna sit here, you might
as well quiz me.

Okay.
What's the capital
of Texas?

- About Proloft.
- Oh.

Okay, what are Proloft's
major side effects?

Thank you for asking.

Proloft may cause
cognitive impairment,

behavioral disinhibition,
lack of coordination,

and hypotension.
Do not mix with alcohol.

By the way, when they say,
"Do not mix with alcohol,"

it means this will be awesome
mixed with alcohol,

but I'm not
gonna say that part.

Are you
the Galaxy-Payson rep?

Yes, thank you for asking.

I'm sorry, but Dr. Connor
has been called into surgery

and he won't be available
till the end of the day.

End of the day?
Can't I just pitch
to him during surgery?

I won't touch anything.

I'm sorry.

In six hours, I don't even
know if this stuff is still
gonna be in my head.

- I'm freaking out.
- You should try some Proloft.

Why, what does it do?

It's an antianxiety
drug that--

I know what it does.
I'm just freaking out.

You're only supposed
to take one pill as needed.

How you feeling?

I'm still freaking out.

Take some more.

Hey, the system
you set up works.

I just turned on my dryer
from my bed.

I'm so glad you changed
your mind about going
to Comic-Con.

You ready to see
what I'm going to wear?

If it's Yoda
in a bra and panties,

I cannot be responsible
for my actions.

Wow!

What are you,
like some kind of
a space stripper?

Yeah, I'm saving up to go
to space nursing school.

No, I'm Gina X
from "Stargazers."

She's an intergalactic spy.

Let me get this straight.

You're an alien being
from a galaxy far, far away

and your name is Gina?

Oh, God.
Not again.

What is it?

My ex-boyfriend
keeps texting me.

He heard I was going
to Comic-Con with another guy

and he's totally losing it.

You can't blame him.
He just lost Gina X,

the intergalactic
stripper nurse.

Maybe we shouldn't go.

Oh, come on.
You look great.

I went cape shopping yesterday.
I bought a really great cape.

But he's going
to be there

and if we bump into him,
it's gonna get ugly.

Oh, come on.
Going to this convention
means a lot to you.

You can't just let
some bully push you around.

What would Gina X do?

She would exhaust
him sexually

and then bury
him alive.

Okay, besides that.

I think she'd do
what she wants to do.

- All right, we'll go.

Unbelievable.
He just won't stop.

Kent Mosler, huh?

You know, I am a therapist.
I could talk to this guy.

Please don't.
He's unpredictable

and you'll
just make it worse.

Promise me
you won't do anything.

- Fine, I promise.

I just got another
e-mail from my dryer.

It's my neediest
appliance.

I'll be right back.

Gina X's thong is giving
her a space wedgie.

There you are,
Kent Mosler.

Hello, this message
is for Kent Mosler.

My name is Charles Goodson
and I think you and I should
get together and talk.

Monica:
Are you talking
to somebody?

It's crazy.
My microwave
just called me.

Hey, Brett.

Hey, Charlie.
You're in here pretty early.

It's been a while since you
threw on a day drunk.

I've never thrown on
a day drunk, Brett.

Well, then you're due.

And you know what?
It's kind of nice.

You're asleep by 7:00,
up with the birds,

four hours crawling around
in the shower,

then you're ready
just to start it back
up all over again.

Yeah, as appealing
as all that sounds,

I'm here to have a talk

with a jealous ex-boyfriend
of a girl I'm seeing.

Man, you want a weapon?

I've got a bat, a knife,
another bat.

I've got a bat
with knives in it.

Jeez, Brett, what do you
think is gonna happen?

I don't know.
Race war?

Is there something going on
that I don't know about?

Charlie Goodson?

You must be Kent.

Thanks for coming by.
I'm hoping you and I can
have a friendly dialogue.

Oh, did you? Yeah?
I don't think that's
gonna happen, jockstrap.

Listen, Kent, I know
that you're angry about
me and Monica, but--

Oh, no, I'm angry
about a lot of things--

"Star Wars" prequels,
ending of "Lost,"

my mom getting
remarried to that guy

Jack.

But primarily I would
like my girlfriend back

from the evil Dr. Slick.

Look, Kent...

Jeez, I'm a giant.

I know it's hard
losing someone and it
happens to all of us,

but the best way
to cope with rejection
is to move on.

Ah, well said, Dr. Slick.

But you need to harken,
my friend.

You have one day
to break up with Monica

or else.

Or else what?

You have no idea
what I'm capable of.

I will destroy you.

Okay, now you know
that lightsabers
aren't real, right?

They have a prototype.

24 hours.

Until they develop
the prototype?

No! Our thing.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go have dinner
with my mom and...

Jack.

- Come in.

Hello.

Oh, I am so sorry
to have kept you waiting.

No, no, no,
that's totally
understandable.

Are you okay?

Yes. I'm here to talk
to you about Proloft.

Mmm, Proloft.

If you've got anxiety,
not anymore you don't,

'cause this stuff
really works.

Are you sure you want
to do this now?

Thank you for asking.

Proloft causes
cognitive impairment,

behavioral disinhibition
and lack of coordination.

Nailed it.

Miss, you look
considerably impaired.

No, I just dropped something.

You want to buy some?

Uh, I'm getting the nurse.

Look at my boobs!

Look at them!

I look like a dick.

I am Hrothgar

and I look like a dick.

- Sam, would you
get the door?

I can't.
I'm getting ready
to go to Caitlin's.

Is that for Comic-Con?

No, I'm gonna hit the gym.

What do you think?

Wasn't sure if I wanted
to go away for college.

Now I am.

Patrick.
What are you doing here?

I got your e-mail.
Why would you say such
a horrible thing to me?

Oh, I'm sorry.
You've obviously
gone insane.

It's for Comic-Con.
What e-mail are you
talking about?

The one you sent telling me
that I was beyond help

and needed a psychic.

Patrick, I would
never say something
like that to you.

My God, somebody must
have hacked my e-mail.

That's exactly
what the e-mail said
you would say.

- I didn't say that either.
- It said you would
say that, too.

What the hell is that?

You're seeing
this, right?

Patrick:
Yeah.

Oh, my God.

All the appliances turned
on by themselves.

It's like "Beauty
and the Beast" in here.

Oh, man.

What's going on
with your house, Charlie?

Monica hooked everything
up to the Internet

so I could control it
wirelessly.

How's that working out?

So far, I don't like it.

Whoa.

Wow, look at you.

Just call me Hrothgar.

What's going on?

You tell me.
You're the one who
hooked all this up.

Tell me you didn't
talk to Kent.

Kent?

Of course not.
What makes you say that?

- Kent: Charles Goodson.

I told you I would
destroy you, and I will.

You know, we might
have bumped into
each other somewhere.

Where are you?

I have taken over
your TV.

You haven't really
taken it over.

You're in
the right-hand corner.

Really?

Give me a moment.

Now I have
taken over your TV.

Prepare to suffer
the full wrath of--

No, no, you're still
just in the corner.

I'm on your TV.
I feel like that's
good enough.

What do you want, Kent?

I want you back.

And I'm going to disrupt
this Neanderthal's house
until I get you.

- Is there
anything you can do?
- I don't think so.

He's a computer genius.
He was a hacker
for the CIA.

- Well, you
didn't mention that.
- I said be careful.

No, no, you have to put it
all in one sentence.

Like, "Be careful,
he's a hacker for the CIA."

Behold,
I am your whole screen.

Say good-bye, Kent.

There's nothing you can do.
I will torment you forever.

- I got all the time
in the world.
- Shut up, punk.

I've got a circuit breaker
and I know how to use it.

I win.

Oh!

I've also got stairs.

And a head lump.

Hey.

What's going on?

I had to turn off
my power.

Want some
rancid pork chops?

Depends.

How rancid?

Could probably wash 'em down
with some of this milk.

Why did you turn off
your power?

It's a long story.
I met this girl

and we're going to Comic-Con
this weekend, so--

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're going to Comic-Con?

It's like
the Million Man March
but with nerds.

Anyway, this girl's
ex-boyfriend hacked
my entire house,

took over my television,
and changed my outgoing
message.

- To what?
- Now it says, "Hi,
thanks for calling.

Wait for the beep,
then shove the phone
up your ass."

Well, if you're going
to Comic-Con,

we might as well
drive down together.

Hold on.
You go to this thing?

No, I don't go.

The mutant king
of planet Nuru does.

And believe me,
it's a weekend with
major tail.

I'm guessing Major Tail
is your sidekick.

I'm afraid so.

Charlie, chill.
You can't let this guy
get to you.

I know,
but I just want to--

I want to pull
his Spiderman Underoos
over his head

and stuff him through
a basketball hoop.

Just forget about it.
Let's just go see a movie.

How do you get
to your browser?

There's usually a thing
on the desktop.

There's nothing
on your desktop.

You've got
to be kidding me.

Everything's gone.

My patient records,
my billing, my novel.

- Oh, you wrote a novel?
- Just a title.

I'm still noodling.

It was him.
That dirty bastard.

Charlie,
think healthy thoughts.

Screw healthy.
Let's go slam-dunk a nerd.

Hello, Kent.

Hey, get your hands
off me.

This man's
a false Hrothgar.

Help, guys.
Back me up.

You're not getting away.
You screwed up my life

and I can't remember
the title of my novel.

- Dipwad.
- Whoa, whoa.

Be very cool.

Back off, nerds.

Didn't you hear
what I said?

Back off.

Big deal.

A rubber sword.

Run away.
Run away.

You're dead, Blue...

Turd.

Unless you give me back
everything on my computer.

Then you'll be
a little less dead.

Just hit me already.
Okay, I know you want to.

You people solve all your
problems with violence.

Because you people
drive us to it.

You think I want
to be like this?

Living in the shadows,
hiding behind a wall
of awesome technology?

I don't get to be
the cool athlete

that swoops in
and gets the girl.

Okay, I'm the nerd
that stands in the rain

holding a boom box
and realizes the girl's on
a date with another guy.

I can't go toe-to-toe
with a jock like you.

I'd do anything
to be like you.

Fine, I get it.

Nobody's got it easy.
Life's tough.

So just give me back
all my stuff and we'll
call it even.

Nah.

You almost had me, nerd.

- Charlie! Charlie!

Don't do it
until I block the door.

So, Lacey,
how you feeling?

Nolan tells us
you had an interesting
sales call yesterday.

Yeah, slurring
all your words,

stumbling all over
the place,

and knocking over
a tray of urine samples.

That last one was me.

For your information,
it went great.

When the doctor found out
how many Proloft I took
without dying,

he was so impressed by
the safety of the product,
he asked for a case.

Or he waited
for you to pass out,

copped a feel,
and felt all guilty about it.

Whatevs.
The guy's a doctor.

Okay, speaking of crazy...
Charlie, I hope you
don't mind,

but I told everyone how
the IT girl's ex-boyfriend
was messing with your house.

Oh, right, right.
I took care of all that.

Everything's back to normal.

By the way, if anyone got
any unusual e-mail from me,

it was from him.
He hacked my account.

That's a relief.

I didn't really think
you wanted to raise your rates
by $20 a session.

Actually, that e-mail
was from me.

No problem.
I just deleted it.

Straight to trash.

I got the same message
from your hacker.

But don't worry,
I'm blocking everything
that comes from you.

But then how will you
get my bills?

Oh, not a problem at all.

You're welcome.

So, give us the deets.

How did you finally
get rid of the ex?

Well, I went down
to San Diego and we had
a frank and honest talk.

So you're still with
the hot computer girl?

- No, she dumped me.
- Why?

Because I beat up
her ex-boyfriend after
the frank and honest talk.

She felt sorry
for him and now
they're back together.

So, wait,
the super hot chick
got back with the nerd

because he got hurt
fighting for her?

Not gonna happen.

What the hell, lady?

But I think we can all learn
something from this.

I didn't control my anger

and I lost something
very dear to me.

I thought you weren't
that into her.

No, no, but we had
a lot of fun together.

You said she was
too geeky for you.

Well, a little,
but she was very attractive.

So you're saying you got mad
and lost a piece of ass?

Essentially.