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CRITICS' PRIZE AT THE CHAMROUSSE
COMEDY FILM FESTIVAL, 1976

CINEMA CONTROL VISA NUMBER 44332

TO GEORGES AND ROSY

THE ACROBAT

A MOVIE BY JEAN-DANIEL POLLET

Say it again, darling,
Gare du Nord, what time?

8 a.m.? 8:19.

OK, fine. Yes.

My little cousin?

He's upstairs.
He's finishing the move.

Second floor.

He's packing the last suitcase.

We're borrowing
Marinette's old bistro.

It's going to become an art gallery.

Listen,
we can live there for a while.

What?

How's Léon's love life?

That's different.

I love you, I adore you.

See you tonight, darling.

You look miserable, damn.

-Do I?
-Yes, you do.

We were better off upstairs.

Yes, but they sold,

so what can we do? They sold.

BATHS SHOWERS
SAUNA MASSAGE

Léon, you were one minute late.

-Hello.
-Hello, Doudou.

-Hello, Roméo.
-Hello.

Hi, Léon.

Hi, Léon.

Léon.

Good morning, Mr. Albert.

Good morning,
Mrs. Valentine. A sauna.

As usual.

Léon.

-70, 80, 90?
-100.

A sauna and shampoo, please.

-Should we let him have her?
-Go ahead.

Your turn, ladies' man.

This way.

What's your name?

No familiarity, please.

I don't know why you're my friend,

but you are.

You have potential.

Wait for me, Édouard!

Léon.

Josette.

Where did you find this kid?

This kid is my buddy, Léon.

I'd dump ten chicks like you
for one Léon.

Here, give my buddy some fries.

What's up, sweetie?

-I'm bored.
-Find yourself a chick.

I found one.

What's her name?

"No familiarity, please."

That's a pretty name.

Is she hot at least?

-Yes, she's hot.
-What?

Have you done anything with her?

I watched her.

That's great. A bit light though.

You know, buddy,

women don't like shy guys.

-I know.
-Put yourself in their shoes.

It's hard.

Hard isn't French. Good luck.

Some people don't work hard
for their money.

Keep talking, hard worker.

Thanks.

I heard you live across the street,
at the café, at Marinette's?

Yes.

See you later.

Bye.

Not bad.

Lili?

Lili?

MASSEUR

-Hello, Valentine.
-Hello.

-How are you?
-Fine, thank you.

A shower, please.

Hey, are you new?

I've worked here for 12 years.

Really?

Lili?

Damn, it's Sunday.

-Lili?
-Yeah?

Hi.

Hi.

Are you going out tonight?

No, we are.

Léon, do you realize?

What?

The work.

What work?

That's not hard.

What's your name?

No familiarity, Léon. Roméo?

DANCE CLASS

Marie!

I'll be ready in half an hour.

OK.

Thanks.

That's good.

Both elbows, the wrist.

And that. You'll do it again.

And I want to see you face-on.

Good.

What would you like?

What would make you happy?

I want to learn.

Of course. Come sit next to me.

Don't be afraid.

You're so shy. Such a nice boy,

why are you so shy?

Sit next to me.

You know,
I haven't eaten anyone in Paris yet.

So, what would you like?

What dance interests you?

Tango.

Tango? That's wonderful.

Is it for your pleasure

or is it for...

-I don't know yet.
-OK.

-Can I go see?
-Yes, go ahead.

-Thank you, ma'am.
-Don't be afraid. Go ahead.

Meanwhile, I'll prepare your card.

Yes.

That's enough for today. Thank you.

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

-You didn't tell me that...
-Neither did you.

Listen, I just signed up today.

Mrs. Rosy.

I'll put in a good word for you.

Mrs. Rosy, this is Léon,
my old friend.

He's so talented.

He's exaggerating.

Come on, show Mrs. Rosy
what you can do.

-I can't do anything.
-Come on.

-Are you joking?
-Come on.

-Go ahead.
-Come with me.

Let me see. Be nice.

Good. But that's not tango.

Now that's tango.

Hi.

Hi.

So, girls, how's it going?

-Fine.
-Fine.

-Let's go?
-I'm not available.

So what are you doing here?

Mind your business.

I don't like young ones.

But you're my favorite.

Got money?

Léon, my little Léon.

I'm not your little Léon.

Yes you are, my little Léon.

I'm telling you no.

You know I've lost weight?

Really?

Could you make me some tea?

Plain tea, with milk or lemon?

Plain, darling.

Mrs. Lamour?

If I told you: "Mrs. Lamour,

"I love you", would you believe me?

Yes.

That line's funny, it always works.

Do you say it often?

No, that's just it, I don't dare.

With me, you can.

Well then, Mrs. Lamour,

I love you.

-Mrs. Lamour.
-Yes.

You're in great shape, but...

But what?

Don't you read too much, Mrs. Lamour?

Why?

Because some people,
when they read, it's...

Honey, you're not trying to tell me

that I'm too old for you?

-No, that's not it.
-Then what?

There we go, 57.

No problem.

At 55, we make love.

Careful, straighten up.
Head to the left.

Smile. Don't look down.

Raise your arms. Let's begin.

Start with your right foot forward,
heel first.

Put your weight over it. Gently.
Left foot forward.

Weight on top.
Right foot to the right side.

Left foot back. Very small step.
No, too big.

Straighten up. Weight on top. There.

Can I walk you home?

No, I'll never dance with you again.

Léon, you still need to improve.

Your turn, Léon.

-How do I look?
-Not bad.

Hold on, Léon. Stay strong, sailor.

Look, I learned this too.

Your turn, Léon.

-How do you do this step?
-After the side step.

What?

-You're in open position.
-Yes.

-Step back.
-OK.

Can we do that?

Yes.

-Straight to open position?
-Yes, open position.

-Here?
-That's it, perfect.

How was it, Mr. Georges?

Drag a bit more on the slow ones.

Slower on the slow ones?

Drag on the slow ones.

Side step. Link.

Promenade, link. Falloway.

Chassé to the right.

Chassé to the left.

Counter-check.

-With me?
-Yes, both of us.

Walking step.

Progressive link.

Promenade link. Fallaway.

Pivot. Chassé right.

Side foot.

Mrs. Valentine?

Get up.

Where are Doudou and Roméo?

Fired.

Good riddance, they were idiots.

No, Léon, budget cuts.

So what?

You're not the best,
but you're the cheapest.

-Thank you, ma'am.
-And the most honest.

Thank you, ma'am.

I have a Brazilian taking me
to the Caribbean.

Couldn't it be me?

Do you know how to dance bossa nova?

Tango.

Then you stay here.

Thank you, ma'am.

I'll pay you more.

Thank you, ma'am.
Will I get my locker?

Yes, Léon.

Anyone there?

A sauna and shampoo, please.

Chamomile, camphor or sulfur?

Suffer.

And a toothbrush and toothpaste.

Excuse me?

A toothbrush and toothpaste.

Thanks, Lulu.

-And keep up the pace, please.
-Yes, boss.

IF ABSENT, PRESS HERE

-What's your name?
-Dolly.

-Evening, Lili.
-Evening, Léon.

When will we love each other?

-Not today, Léon.
-Tomorrow?

Not tomorrow. Not the day after.

Not Saturday. Not Sunday.

Monday?

Hi, Léon.

I'm feeling a bit tired.

Can I rest for five minutes?

-Fumée?
-Yes.

I want to, but I don't have money.

Too bad.

-Fumée.
-Yeah?

What if it was free?

My ass. Who do you think I am?

-Léon.
-That's me.

Sometimes it's free.

But you gotta seduce me.

Sweet talk?

You're cute and hot.

It gives me chills almost everywhere.

Your eyes are beautiful.

Your skin...

Must be something else.

Pretty smooth, right?

Yeah, but that's not
what makes me melt.

-What is it then?
-I don't know.

Guys that aren't ordinary.

You know, guys who give me
that kind of talk,

I see them every day.

What I like is people
who have something special.

Something of their own.
You understand?

I don't have anything of my own.

Right, I have this.

Tango, that I know. And I love it.

So, can you dance it or not?
Come on.

Come dance the tango.

Come on, dance.

So? Think about love.

Close your eyes.

Léon, you're the best.

You're the best,
but you dance it musette style.

Do you know the Argentine way?

I know it, but I don't like it.

-I don't know it.
-Learn it, it's sexier.

Will we dance again?

I don't know.

Bye, Léon.

Don't be sad, sweetie.

I told her: "You're cute and hot.

"I get shivers almost everywhere.

"It does things to me
I really can't say.

"Your eyes are beautiful.
Your skin must be something."

Then she told me:
"Think about love." That's clever.

"It's soft.

"Learn the Argentine way.

"It's sexier."

You see, it works with you. Lili?

Your tango does nothing to me.

You're lying.

No.

You have an appointment in five

with your teacher.

I know, but I don't know anymore.

Should I come with you?
Aren't I your manager?

DANCE CLASS

That's it for today. Thank you.

Try to be as good
as me, heartbreaker.

I don't have a partner.

I tried to hit on her
and she slapped me.

That's not a problem.

I don't want to dance musette style,
I want Argentine style.

There's no more Argentine style.

-No more Argentine style?
-No.

Tango has evolved
with new techniques.

It's beautiful.

But above all,
you must dance with heart.

-With what?
-With heart.

And sometimes, it comes all at once.

Léon, close your eyes.

Go ahead.

Lili?

Yeah?

Go get Fumée.

Fumée, please.

He didn't say what he wanted.
He wanted to see you.

Haven't you missed me lately?

Are you OK?

Don't move.

What do you think, Mr. Georges?

You'll go far.

Photo.

Life is beautiful. Dance.

On the house.

Can you bring me some shampoo?

Want me to bring the mayor too?

Léon, come here.

What?

I don't have my glasses.
Tell me how much I weigh.

I can't read.

How much, Léon?

You like bad news?

Léon, how much?

Damn, if I may say so.

Léon.

I can't read.

Watch it, Léon,
you can't measure up.

To you?

Léon.

Look.

55.

55 what?

You know what happens at 55?

No, I don't know what happens at 55.

Liar.

"At 55, we make love."

Here? You must be joking.

I can't, Mrs. Lamour.

-Why?
-I just did it.

So, you cheated on me?

Yes, twice, with a girl like that.

Léon, I thought
you were pure and innocent,

like a newborn child.

The flesh is weak.

Léon, I had such hope.

I understand you so well.

A bath.

Is your bathtub broken?

Exactly.

Let's get married?

When you change jobs.

-What, you kidding?
-No.

-Will you come live with me?
-No.

Then goodbye.

Narcisse.

Don't you want your tea?

Yes, I do.

Léon, come see.

I, Robert Pottier,
aka Ramon the Slick, greet you.

Hello.

-How's the tango?
-Fine.

-How are the girls?
-Fine.

-So all is good?
-Yes.

Tango, girls, health, all good?

Yes.

Tango, girls, health,
family, all good?

I don't have any family.

Sorry.

Your oversway is terrible.
An oversway should be smooth.

Like this. You're falling flat. Bye.

I'd remove a centimeter there,

because I don't feel very good.

A centimeter.

It seems a bit tight.

Maybe the shoulder pads?

That's normal.

Can't we remove them?

No, it's fine.

Maybe reinforce it a bit here?

We'll see.

That's a bit wide, no?
What do you think?

A centimeter, maybe?

So maybe take a centimeter there?

No, with the belt, it'll be fine.

-Well, I don't know, it's...
-Widen it a bit, yes.

Well then.

-So everything's fine?
-You're OK, sweetheart.

Tonight, for your first competition,

don't think about winning or dancing.

Forget everything, if you can,

when you dance.

Just be happy to dance
and you will win.

Good luck, my children.

The winners

of the 20th district
tango championships,

Léon and Fumée.

They deserve our applause.

We wish them both a brilliant career.

Let's get married tomorrow?

Change jobs first.

What's wrong with my job?

What do you put on your passport?

I don't have

one, but if I did,
I'd put bath house attendant.

Is that a job? No, it's not.

What's your job called?

You want me to tell everyone?

It has many names.

Can't you turn it down a bit?

Anyway,
it's not the job that matters.

It's love.

Love is what's important.

Then change jobs. Bye.

Here.

Lady of the night. Is that a fun job?

More fun than bath, shower,
sauna boy and more profitable.

Shouldn't we celebrate

with champagne and all that?

I have my Saturday date. Bye.

Tango's nice,
but it doesn't pay the bills.

HOTEL

You signed up
for the Île-de-France championship?

-Yes.
-Me too.

Listen.

I'm practicing.

May the best man win.

Hi, Léon.

Morning pastis, sorrow.

Evening pastis, hope.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Hi.

Fumée is with a Chinese client.

-A Chinese client?
-Yes.

She asked me to replace her.

To replace her...

-For everything?
-No, honey.

Just for your rehearsal.

I know tango too.

You're cute and hot.

I'm getting chills almost everywhere.

Happy birthday, Léon.

Should we undress?

Me? No.

Then me neither.

Should we flip a coin?

Yes.

I'll take heads.

That leaves me tails.

Tails.

Well done.

I heard it brings luck. We'll see.

You find that funny?

Good evening, darling.

Good evening.

I'll leave him to you.

Listen, Léon, I've been thinking
about what Georges said.

We haven't been dancing
very well lately.

If this keeps up, tomorrow's a flop.

I'm 33 today. It's my birthday.

It's your birthday today
and our party tomorrow.

Well done, Léon.

Robert Pottier.

That's me.

You should change your hair cream.

Let me tell you.

A guy like you is like death,

it shouldn't exist.

My dear friends,

now, let's tango.

All contestants participating
in this grand finale

of the Île-de-France
tango championships,

please kindly come
to the dance floor.

Our dear contestants
for this Île-de-France championship.

Here are the results.

The winners
of this great competition,

who will represent Île-de-France

at the national tango championships

are Léon and Fumée.

Léon and Fumée came first,
and Ramon and Rosita second.

Are you in mourning, Mrs. Lamour?

You're dead to me, Léon.

I'm dead to you?

I see a corpse in your eyes.

A corpse?

Of our love.

You're not cheerful this morning.

No, Léon.

Morning, Mrs. Lamour.

Good morning, Valentine. A sauna.

Hello, Mrs. Valentine.

How was the Caribbean?

You're late, Léon.

Was your trip nice, the sea,

-the boats?
-Mind your business.

Get to work.

Come on, get to work!

Don't you want your sauna?

No, not me.

But who then?

My daughter, who is now fatherless
and is coming.

Your daughter? Fatherless?

She only has me.

And you, Léon.

Me?

She's a virgin.

Don't start again, Mrs. Lamour.

Will you reject my daughter too?

Boldine, this is Léon.

Do you dance tango?

No, why?

See?

She can learn.

-Me too, actually.
-Definitely not.

So...

Hi, Léon.

I know you,
but I don't recognize you.

Got two minutes for me?

I've got all the time in the world.

Right now?

In two minutes.

Hey, you look pretty busy.

That's right.

It's crazy, I can't see you alone
anymore. Damn.

Mrs. Lamour, this is Fumée.

Fumée, this is Boldine.

I'm doing this for you.

Mrs. Lamour,
your daughter is exceptional.

Thank you, Léon.

But it's you I love.

Think you can get me like that?

I don't know, I'm trying.
Will you sleep with me tonight?

Sleep with a guy who cheats on me?
You're dreaming.

Am I dreaming?

Are you free tonight?

Not tonight, I have choir.

-But tomorrow night.
-Yes, Mom.

See, they're simple at least.

Goodbye, Léon.

You lost your pants.

I went to play bowling

and the damn ball got stuck.

My keys are in my right pocket

and my right hand
can't reach my pocket.

So I thought
if I pulled down my pants,

my left hand could reach
my right pocket.

But I didn't have time
because you arrived.

What do you do for a living?

I'm learning French.

I saw you dancing tango on TV.

Dancing tango like you do
is really fun.

Should I take the key?

Yes.

Should I pull up your pants?

OK.

One, two, three, four,

five, six.

One, two, three.

There, it's easy.

It's easy if you're gifted.

Don't worry, she's a hooker.

Really?

We'll meet again.

You always show up at the right time.

You don't call your wife a hooker.

Even if it's true.

You're not my wife.

I heard you got a subscription
with Pierrette?

No I didn't,

I got two discounted tickets.

What's that you got there?

-My ball.
-You never let go of it?

Fumée.

-I feel like...
-What?

-Like...
-Dancing?

That's it, dancing.

See you later at Georges and Rosy's.

Damn!

Damn, the ice.

With this, Mrs. Rosy,

my little final spin is ruined.

No, my little Léon,
that ball doesn't exist.

You're just dreaming.

Capricorn or Taurus?

Water sign or fire sign?

Well? I'm waiting. Shall we?

With this?

So what?

Is someone laughing at my ball?

Because I'd like
to congratulate them.

Because it's really funny.

Are you crazy?

DANCE CLASS

Excuse me, Mr. Georges.

Sorry, I was seeing someone.

Put more heart into your tango.

The French championship is tomorrow,
not in six months.

What about you?

Wouldn't it occur to you?

What, honey?

I don't know, change jobs?

What?

Fine, forget I said anything.

How will I make a living?

Let's say I'll be your only client.

Some deal that is.

Fumée.

Fumée.

I can feel myself getting angry.

Live on love and fresh air?

No.

One, two.

Go.

Léon,

are you happy?

The curse is over.

Yes, it's over.

But I'm still scared.

Scared of what?

My face.

What about your face?

There's nothing here.

My profile.

Léon.

You have Louis XIV's profile.

-Louis XIV?
-Yes.

The Louis XIV of tango.

-Really?
-Yes.

-Yes?
-Yes.

Anyway, I dance.

I dance tango.

Still...

What?

I'm scared.

At school,

I was always first

by the door.

In case of fire.

You follow me?

In tango, right away.

What if I was alone again?

Heartbreak.

My master

always told me:

"Everything for dance."

You must dance.

You must dance.

And dream too.

You must dream, always.

And for me, to be on a dance floor

and dance again.

And may it never end.

Well, well.

What's wrong with you?

I don't believe in tango anymore.

What do you mean?

I no longer believe in it.

What is it you don't believe in?

Love.

Fumée?

I don't believe in anything anymore.

Aren't you ashamed?

-Hi, Fumée.
-Hi.

Hi, Léon.

Evening.

What are they doing here?
We eliminated them.

They won in Corsica.

-How do you know?
-I know.

Léon.

Yes.

I have something very important
to tell you.

Go ahead.

After the championship,
I'm leaving with Ramon.

I wanted to tell you now.

I don't care.

Love stories and other things
are irrelevant.

Irrelevant how?

When it comes to dancing.

How did you meet Fumée?

As a client.

You know how it is.

So, you're leaving with her?

Yes.

Venice, Singapore, Bangkok...

Have a good trip.

Better to tell you, right?

Not necessarily.

We're friends, right?

Yes, we're friends.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the French tango championship.

What is dance? I don't know.

Or rather, you must dance to know.

Who hasn't danced at some point?

Who hasn't danced at some point?

I danced for a long time,

for 60 years, I think.

I danced every day. It's beautiful.

I'm sure it's beautiful.

It's beautiful.
I'm sure it's beautiful.

And when I talk about dance,

I think I'm also talking about love.

I'd like to tell you something,

but I don't know if I can.

I can teach you the steps,
the figures,

but steps and figures
are nothing without love.

And can I teach you love?

I don't know.

Farewell, my children.

Or perhaps,

if you still want to learn,

I'm here.

We're not getting married anymore?

No.

That's OK, I'll marry someone else.

I don't like to share.

-You up for it?
-Yes.

See.

But I have a boyfriend.

I'm not a good catch.

Bath house, shower, sauna attendant.

So far, I like it.

I like it too.

Normal.

I like it,
but I don't want to get married.

-What I want is...
-I know.

There, he's yours.

Too late.

What?

It's over between us, Léon. Loser.

Anyway, that's not the point.
I'm screwed now.

What does "screwed" mean?

Screwed means shit.

Shit, now?

Come on, Léon.

Come on.

Come on.

León,

next year, you and I,

we'll be world tango champions.

What are you doing?

Like this, oversway.

Come on.

There, like that.

Come on, like this.

Come on, Léon.

Léon!

Tango is dead.

Léon!

Léon!

Léon!

She needs a shower. After the night
we just had, right honey?

Look, Léon.

You get it, Léon?

Come on, sit next to your buddy.

You're not my buddy.

Come here, I'm telling you.
I won't bite, damn it.

Fumée is a romantic, you know that.

Fumée is an idiot.

Is that how you talk about women?

That's how it is.

With me, romantics don't last
more than 8 days.

That's the rule, I can't help it.

Why did you steal her from me?

Because I knew you'd win, you fool.

I'll never be first.

Unless the winner is absent or tired.

I knew I was gonna lose, you know?

I didn't want to be alone in defeat.

You know?

I'm a real piece of shit.

You've got something there.

-Where?
-There, but you need to work on it.

Tango is over.

Fumée pisses me off. You piss me off.

I'm pissed off.

"Tango is over. I'm pissed off."

Are you crazy or what?

You and Fumée could make
loads of cash.

I'll be your manager.
Schemes are in my blood.

How do you think I won in Corsica?

Now that's beautiful!

Fumée agrees. No more love,

just money.

No more love?

No, Léon, just money.

I'll take you to England, to America.

Do you speak English?

No, I don't.

Say: "Tango."

-Tango.
-Tango.

Tango.

Tango.

Tango.

-Tango.
-Tango.

-I'm tango.
-I'm tango.

Don't act stupid. I'm tango.

-Tango.
-That'll work.

We'll make a fortune!

We won't make any money.
I don't dance anymore.

But why? Poor thing.

-Don't you get it?
-No.

When Valentine comes,

tell her to find another lackey.

You're crazy, Léon.

No, I don't dance anymore.

PUBLIC BATHS

Think again, Léon. Money, Léon.

I'm a real piece of shit.

And Fumée loves you.

A guy who dances like you
will never be alone.

Right? Think about it.

What's that about?

Sweet

means gentle in English.

Gentle, in English?

It's free,
but you have to seduce me, remember?

You're cute and hot.

I get shivers almost everywhere.

It does things to me
I really can't say.

Your eyes are beautiful.

And your skin must be something else.

Pretty smooth, right?

Sure, but that's not
what makes me melt.

-What is it then?
-I don't know.

What I like

are guys with something special,
uniquely theirs.

I have nothing.

But I do have this.

Léon and Fumée, European Champions.