All language subtitles for The Youngest Profession 1943

- Subtitles -
Lu�s Filipe Bernardes

Heavy fan mail for Lana Turner.

- Not too heavy.
- Yeah? Well, um...

Here's one from me.

I didn't want to say anything, but, um...

- I got one in there myself.
- You have?

Sure. And from the way
she kisses Clark Gable...

I bet he sends her fan letters too.

Come in.

Here's some more trouble
for you, Miss Turner.

That's not trouble. When the fan mail
stops, then it's trouble.

Oh, your fan mail will never stop.

I saw Somewhere I'll Find You
seven times.

- Well, thank you.
- And Clark Gable got paid for that.

Oh, boy!

Well, Miss Turner, it never ends, does it?

Have you had enough,
or do you want to go on?

Well, the pictures are all finished.
Let's do a couple of more letters.

Alright.

Um, Miss Joan Lyons, President,
Guiding Stars Ltd.,

address indicated, New York City.

My dear Miss Lyons,

it was very nice of you
and your organization...

...to send me such a sweet
letter of congratulations.

I am very gratified that you were pleased
with the way I've been doing my hair.

And your criticism of the
one tailored suit I wore is a very...

...valid one.

And I hope that the costumes of my next
picture will meet with your approval.

It's wonderful to get letters of
constructive criticism from our fans.

While I do not recall you personally,

I do recall that night at the
Waldorf Astoria,

and I can assure you that it is never an
annoyance to give my autograph to my fans.

You young people who are interested
in the collection of autographs...

...are the mainstay of our industry.

It is your enthusiasm and loyalty
that makes the motion picture player...

...a star.

It is your enthusiasm and loyalty that makes
the motion picture player a star.

Never be ashamed or embarrassed
by that enthusiasm and loyalty.

And remember that we members
of the acting profession...

...are ever grateful to you
autograph collectors,

who might be called members
of the youngest profession.

Sincerely, Lana Turner.

Read it again.

It's a wonderful letter, Joan,
wonderful.

- Read it again.
- I've read it a hundred times.

We'll have copies of it made and every
member of our Guiding Stars Ltd...

- ...will get one.
- Good idea.

Gee, I bet that's the best letter
we ever got from any of the stars.

Gladys, as secretary of the
Guiding Stars Ltd.,

I want you to think of a nice thank-you
letter to Miss Turner's thank-you letter.

And if our thank-you letter's
as nice as Miss Turner's letter,

maybe we'll get another
thank-you letter.

Hello, girls.
What's the meeting all about?

What's going on?

Some private corespondence
from Hollywood...

...that concerns only members of the Guiding
Stars Ltd., of which you are not a member.

Oh, that kid stuff again.

Picklepuss.

Come on, girls, we won't
wait any longer.

Hi, Joan!

- Oh, hello, Schuyler.
- Why, you look positively radiant.

Thank you, Schuyler.

I'm going over to the gym
and try out for the 440.

Want to come over and watch me?

I'd love to, but we're having
a meeting of the Guiding Stars.

- Oh, that's regrettable.
- Yes, it is.

I think so too.

Far be it from me to upset
any plans you've made.

Well, buenas tardes, se�oritas.

Isn't Schuyler dashing?

Of course he's no Clark Gable, but...
he is dashing.

I'd die for Clark Gable.
Die and go hungry.

- Lets's get a Coke.
- All right.

Joan, Patsy!
It's here in the paper!

- What?
- What?

Greer Garson's coming to town.

She'll be at the Grand Central
Station at 4 o'clock.

Greer Garson?

Polly, as our star scout, you should
have known about this before.

But there was no way
of knowing, I just...

It was in the paper.
I told you as soon as I could.

Cancel the meeting!

There'll be other fan clubs
to meet Miss Garson, and so...

and so the Guiding Stars will make
a good impression.

I as President will make every effort
to greet Miss Garson personally...

with a committee of one.
You, Patsy.

Come on, we've only got 15 minutes.

Oh, darn!

- Oh, look! MGM publicity man.
- Yeah!

- Hello, Dick.
- Hiya, Les.

Hello, Joe. We'll take Miss Garson
out of Gate 12.

Oh, Joan!

It seems to me you ought
to know by this time...

...at our profession you've got
to dress sensibly.

- Well, I...
- Holy cow! Greer!

Come on!

On account of a button
we lose Greer Garson!

- I'm so ashamed.
- Don't you worry, Patsy.

We'll find her. We'll phone
all the hotels.

MGM can't double-cross us.
Have you any money?

- Why, certainly not.
- We have to have money for carfare.

We can't call on her without
at least gardenias.

Come on, we'll try my house.

- Hello, Lilybud.
- Hello, Miss Jones. Hello, Miss Patsy.

Lilybud, out of all the people I might
have gone to in my hour of need,

I'm going to give you a chance
to save my life.

Not one cent. Not a single
solitary cent.

Some loyal old family retainer you are.

What kind of cake is that
you're making, chocolate?

Never mind, it ain't for you.

If it isn't too much trouble,

could you inform me as to
the whereabouts of Mrs. Lyons?

- Your Mama's at the First Aid meeting.
- She's not home?

Oh, Patsy, that's absolute doom.

I know we can't get any money
at my house.

I had to go to three markets,
Lilybud, but I got them.

Joan, you know your mother told you
not to hang around the kitchen.

Feather... Feather, in my hour of need,

who else should I turn to but you?

My faithful and loving governess.

Have you spent your allowance already?

Why don't you put the bee on your daddy,
he's in the living room.

- He is?
- Home this time of day?

- He's got a cold.
- A cold?

Well, he certainly didn't
get it around here.

- Patsy, what a break!
- I wonder...

Oh, Feather, wait!

Oh, darn.

Um... Oh, just a minute,
Feather, please.

Oh, dear, Mr. Lyons,

I was going to use this living room for my
child psychology meeting this afternoon.

I'm sorry, but you'll have
to have it somewhere else.

Most men with pretty secretaries
like to work at the office.

Oh, thank you, Miss Featherstone.

Feather, I have a cold,
so I came home.

Where, if you will allow me,
I hope to finish my work.

Oh, certainly, certainly.

I just don't understand how you manage
to catch cold in a weather like this.

- Funny, isn't it?
- Ha! Sidesplitting.

Aren't you afraid of catching it?

No, I just got over one.

Oh, so that's where you caught it.

Must my cold have a pedigree?
I don't care who I caught it from.

I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to pry.

How could I know you
wanted it kept secret?

I don't want it kept secret!

How can any human be so irritating?

It's because she's a governess.
They always treat people like children.

Ah, maybe.
Now, let me see, where was I?

Hello, Pops, hello, Miss Thayer.

- Hello, darling, how are you, Patsy?
- Hello.

???

- Pops, may Patsy use the telephone?
- Yes, of course, go right ahead.

Look in the classified and get
the number of all the hotels.

- All the hotels?
- It's a matter of vital major importance.

Oh!

Where was I?

Public policy demands therefore
that the claims of the defendant...

Of the defendant, Aubrey Beagleman be
given serious consideration by this court.

Pops, you know, you look
just like a movie lawyer...

with, you know, the fireplace,
Miss Thayer and...

you in that gorgeous dressing
gown and...

your face so serious...

while you try to figure how to defend
your client from a dread charge of murder...

Murder? My client is the defendant
in a delinquent tax sale.

- Oh... I thought it was murder.
- No.

Well, whatever. The situation
brings out the William Powell in you.

Oh, now you're polishing the apple,
come on.

What is it this time?

Well, Pops, I'm gonna lay my cards
on the table.

That's the best place to put them.

I need money desperately.

Well, I'm not going to ask you why, Joan.
I'll leave that to your honor.

But is it for something very important?

It's of practically vital major importance.

Hm... well, how much?

I could use five, but I'll take two.

- Two you get.
- Oh, Pops, you've saved my life.

Well, that's a fair two-dollars' worth.

There you are.

But I warn you, you gotta stop burning
your allowance at both ends.

Okay, Pops.

- Now let's see, where was I?
- Aubrey Beagleman.

Beagleman, Beagleman,
Beagleman, Beagleman...

Well, um...

We urge that where the basic
principle was not fraudulent nor unlawful,

- while in action and not being...
- Hold this, Mr. Lyon, hold still.

- What is this?
- Hold still and breathe deep!

- What are you doing here!
- Breathe deep!

Get this thing off of me!
What is this?!

If you leave it alone, Mr. Lyons,
the fumes will clear your head.

I don't want my head cleared!
I want you to take this...

- I bet I got a first degree burn there.
- You shouldn't touch the kettle, it's hot!

I know it's hot!

I just want you to breathe
these fumes deeply.

It'll cure your cold... in no time.

I don't want my cold cured!

I want you to pick up your junk and get
out of here so I can finish my brief!

Please, please don't shout at me,
I only want to help.

You must be insane to come in here
and scare a man half to death like this!

It's all for your own good, I had
your best interest at heart.

- And all I get is abuse.
- Oh, there we go again.

I have to hear this all the time...

Well, what's going on here?

Hi, General, come on in.

Feather, what's happened,
what's the matter?

Nothing, nothing.
He can't break my spirit.

I won't let him!

Oh, Burt, darling, I know
you're feeling rotten,

but why did you have to pick
on poor Feather?

Me picking on her?
Look at this mess here.

And look at that finger, will you?

Lilybud! Lilybud, bring me some butter,
will you, for this blister?

I'll get it, Mr. Lyons.

- Hello, Mrs. Lyons.
- How are you, dear?

Oh, poor darling.

I see it all now.

Poor Feather, she tries
so hard to be useful.

It's just the way she made croup tents
for Joan and for Junior too.

Yes, but there are ways
of doing things!

I declare, I swear she that she
annoys me on purpose!

But darling, she's only trying
to be helpful.

You should make allowances.

Allowances? I shouldn't have to make
allowances when I'm working.

- Here's the butter, Mr. Lyons.
- Oh, thank you.

Here, see where it's burnt there,
where the red part is there?

I never saw anything...
Ouch, look out!

- Greetings, parents!
- Oh... hiya, Junior.

- Did you have a good day at school?
- Bah!

Come on, Phantom Claw!

Junior, you know that I'm
working in here!

Why don't you use the radio
in your own room?

Feather can hear it.

- Well?
- Feather said you gave her a sick headache.

And I should listen to Phantom in here.

"I am the Phantom. I am ether,
yet I am power."

Junior, shut that thing off!

Go right back to your own room and
turn on that tackler as loud as you want.

Burt!

- Go use the radio in the car, dear.
- Okay! Gee, thanks, Ma!

The nerve of that old horror!

Oh, please, Burt, don't get
mad at her.

- She's too old to change.
- That's just the point.

She's too old to be a governess
and Junior's too old to have a governess.

And when it comes to housekeeping, ha!

I bet she pays 3 cents
for a 2 cent stamp.

Now look, Edith.

Wouldn't it be possible to put her
out in the pasture...

In the country with that
niece of hers?

Oh, it would break her heart if I let
her go after all these years.

I just couldn't. And after all,
she did save Junior's life.

- You remember the time...
- He swallowed the fish bone, yes, yes!

All she did was pat him on the back.

Anybody could do that.

- We found her, we found her!
- Who?

Oh, Mops, Mops...

I'm on my way to the most vitally
important rendezvous of my life.

Mama, je vous adore, je vous adore!

Et Papa, Papa, je vous adore aussi.

- Me too!
- Je vous adore!

Joan!

Now where can she be going
that's so important?

I don't know, I just hope
she's not getting married.

Oh!

Miss Garson, please.

- Which Miss Garson?
- There's only one Miss Garson.

- Greer Garson.
- Oh, she's not registered.

She is too. That's a foul black lie.

Well, now, if she were registered,
whom should I say is calling?

Um, Miss Joan Lyons of the Acme
Secretarial Service.

- Oh, and, um...
- And this is Miss Drew, my assistant.

- Mr. Clark.
- Pleased to meet you.

I'm pleased to meet you too.
Um, look, kids.

If Miss Garson did want some
secretarial work done,

she wouldn't get a couple of
half pints to do it.

And just in case you've forgotten,

you tried this same stunt
on Red Skelton just two weeks ago.

Now run along.

If I weren't in such a hurry, I'd complain
about you with the management.

Come, Miss Drew.

I guess we'll have to wait
by the elevator.

Why don't we come back tomorrow
when we're fresh?

I'll never be fresher than I am now.

Look, house phones.

Joan, it's no use, let's give up.

I should say not. Remember,
Rome wasn't burnt in a day.

All right, dear, 6 o'clock.
Goodbye.

I'd like to speak to Miss
Greer Garson, please.

Now don't tell me she's out,
I happen to know she's in.

Who's calling? Well, just Louella Parsons,
that's all.

And if I were you, I wouldn't underestimate
the power of the press.

Well, I'll just wait in the lobby.

Stop it, Patsy!

And you can tell Miss Garson that
Louella can get very impatient.

I'm terribly sorry, Louella.

Holy cow!

You are looking well, Miss Parsons.

Of course you have grown
a little smaller.

- I'm... I'm really not Louella Parsons.
- Well, don't look so scared.

- I won't bite.
- We were just so anxious to see you...

...in person. Why, we're
practically your slaves.

- You're not angry, are you?
- On the contrary, I'm placid.

- We bought these specially for you.
- Oh, they're lovely.

- I'll wear them tonight.
- You will? Gosh.

I, um... I don't suppose you'd have time
to come up for a cup of tea?

- Tea?
- And cake.

Cake?

Miss Garson, this is the most
significant moment of my life... so far.

Well, come on.

There we are, Joan.

Oh, thank you.

Our Club Guiding Stars Ltd...

believes we owe the stars a duty
to keep them informed...

...of the way their public feels
and vice-versa.

Do you mind if I ask you
a personal question?

No, not at all.

- Do you know Conrad Veidt?
- Slightly.

Is he really such a beast
as he was in A Woman's Face?

Oh, I doubt it.

I think I'd have heard more about him if
he went about Hollywood behaving like that.

Somehow I sensed he was a gentleman...
to his fingertips.

We wrote MGM to let him
get the girl in his next picture.

Patsy, that's the last one!

It's all right, Patsy, go ahead.

I just can't resist it.

Patsy diets, but dieting makes her
hungry, so she just has to eat.

- Miss Garson.
- Oh, Tress, thanks.

- Well, girls, I...
- Miss Garson.

Do you mind if I ask you
just one more question?

No, I'd love it.

Which do you prefer,
the rugged outdoor man...

...or the intelectual indoor man?

Well, I... certainly wouldn't like
them indoors all the time.

But, on the other hand, I don't think
I'd like them outdoors all the time either.

It wouldn't be practical.

- I guess I like a mixture.
- Me too.

Then you'd like Schuyler.

- Patsy, really!
- Who's Schuyler?

- Oh, that's her BF.
- BF?

- Boyfriend.
- Oh.

That's not so. Our friendship
is purely platoonic.

Why, you said last Wednesday
he was your purple passion.

That was just a manner of speaking.

Anyway, he isn't your type,
Miss Garson, honestly.

Of course I have no objection
of your meeting him, why should I?

But really, I know you well enough by now
to know that you wouldn't like him at all.

- How old is Schuyler?
- Twelve. - Sixteen.

That is... it's, um... hard to tell exactly.

I see. So many men are
like that, aren't they?

Miss Garson, it's 6:30.

Oh, girls, I've got to run. I've got
a radio rehearsal.

- We could wait and drop you.
- Oh, thanks, I am being called for.

Goodbye, it's been so nice
meeting you.

Goodbye, Miss Garson,
and thanks ever so.

- Goodbye, Joan.
- Oh, it's been glorious knowing you.

I've enjoyed meeting you
both too. Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

Did you ever in the whole universe
see anyone so beautiful?

So absolutely beautiful.

She looks exactly the same
off the screen as she does on.

Only more so.

Why did you say Schuyler was twelve?

Well, you wouldn't understand.

Pardon me.

I guess I shouldn't have
lied to her, though.

She's so real and natural.

- Good evening, Mr. Pidgeon.
- Good evening, Tress. Is Miss Garson ready?

She will be ready in a few minutes, sir.

I will tell Miss Garson that
you are here.

Thank you.

Look... Walter Pidgeon!

Oh... I think I'm going to faint.

My bag! I must have misplaced my bag!

And it had every cent I have
in the world in it.

- Why, I just saw it in your...
- I just can't seem to be able to find it.

- Maybe I could help you hunt for it.
- Oh, really?

Why, you're Walter Pidgeon,
aren't you?

Uh-huh.

Well, what a coincidence.

Yes, um... I guess probably it is.

I'm Miss Lyons.

And I'm Miss Drew, my favorite girlfriend.

- I mean, her favorite girlfriend.
- We're both very intimate.

Well, um... I'm delighted to meet
both of you.

Are you in New York for a protracted
stay, Mr. Pidgeon.

Unfortunately no.

- Tell me, Mr. Pidgeon.
- Tell me, Mr. Pidgeon.

Um, do you think maybe we ought
to get busy and look for this bag, hm?

To be sure, quelle m�morie.

Now let me see, I was seated
right here at the table.

I remember distinctly now when Greer
was admiring my bag so much.

You don't suppose that Greer might have
kicked it under the table, do you?

Oh, you cinema stars.

Well, let's look anyway,
what do you say?

Joan, Mother's waiting dinner.

What's more important?
Walter Pidgeon or liver and onions?

Well, it's not there.
Now then, let's see.

- Um, you're quite sure you lost it, hm?
- Definitely.

Maybe Miss Garson's maid knows
where it is.

No, it must be in this room some place.

- I beg your pardon.
- Oh, that's all right.

Let me see, when we first arrived,
we were seated on the divan here.

On the divan, well let's look
under this pillow.

No, it's not there.
Now where do you suppo...

- I'm sorry!
- Oh, that's all right.

- Did I hurt you?
- No, you couldn't hurt me, Mr. Pidgeon.

Strange, it seems to have vanished
into thin air.

Why, Patsy, it was under
your nose all the time.

You mean it was under your...

- There it is.
- Oh, allow me.

There you are.
Say, that's pretty heavy, isn't it?

You wouldn't have an autograph
album there by any chance?

- Oh, how did you guess?
- Oh, I'm just psychic.

- I have one too.
- Have you, really?

Say, you've got quite a collection
here, haven't you?

It's been my life's work.

I've walked my feet to the bone
getting those autographs.

- Is it difficult as all that?
- Difficult?

Mr. Pidgeon, blood sweat and tears
are in that little volume.

Well, I am very flattered, then,
to be included.

Oh, thank you, oh, thank you.

- To Patsy, please.
- To Patsy.

Well, I guess we'd better be going.

Unless you'd like to have us go
along to the radio rehearsal with you.

- No, Mother is...
- Patsy!

They say it's always helpful to have
an audience, you know.

Well, that's very generous of you ladies,
but, uh, you see, um...

Miss Garson is allergic to audiences.

- Hello, Walter.
- Hello, Greer.

Why, girls, I thought you'd gone.

We're leaving right now.

First I want you to know that today has been
a golden page in my book of experiences.

I shall cherish your memories forever.

Oh...

I'm sorry I was so selfish about Schuyler.

You can meet him any time
you want to and...

And he isn't twelve, he's sixteen.

Oh, you're a fine noble girl.

Thank you.
Well...

Oh, au revoir now.

Oh... au revoir, ma petite.

Me too?

Mais certainement.

Come on, Patsy.

I'll never wash this as long as I live.

Well, I'm sorry to have bothered
you, Mrs. Drew,

but I have to go to a Red Cross
dinner tonight...

and Mr. Lyons has a business engagement
and we don't want to leave the house...

...until Joan is safely home.

Do you suppose anything could
have happened to them?

- Who cares?
- Quiet, Junior!

Yes, I... I suppose they are all right.

Well, thanks a lot. Good night.

Patricia isn't at home yet either.

You don't suppose anything could
have happened to them?

Well, if nothing has, something is going to.

Excuse me, Mrs. Lyons, but I's due at my
emergency ambulance troup meeting tonight.

Does I stay here and serve Miss Joan
her dinner or does I serve democracy?

You go on to your meeting, Lilybud.

Miss Featherstone will serve
Joan her dinner.

Feather can stay.
Feather can give up a lecture.

Good old Feather.

Doesn't matter what Feather gives up.

All right, Joan can serve herself.

Holy heck, what is this stuff?

- Zesty pudding.
- I wish Hitler had to eat it.

Excuse me!

And why must I have zesties
in my pudding?

I'm sorry you don't like it.
Lilybud and I thought that...

Lilybud and you nothing, Miss Feather.

Lilybud just done what you told her.

Lilybud wouldn't feed zesties
to a hog.

Isn't even my food safe from
your meddling, Miss Feather?

It's simply economy to use up what I buy.

But why must I be persecuted
with zesties?

There were sixty boxes of them
on the grocer's bill this month.

- Junior should be considered too.
- All right, Junior is considered.

He weighs 85 pounds.

Can he finish up 60 boxes
of that sawdust in a month?

No.

But when I get 10,000 box tops
I can get him a pony.

Come down to my office tomorrow
morning, we'll go over your account.

A pony no less.

And what am I going to do with a pony,
put him in my shower bath?

Ooh!

You know, I'm going to murder
that woman some day.

Oh, now, darling, don't get so upset.

Here's your coffee.
Now, now, sit down.

Please, let's not fight about
Feather tonight.

I'm so worried. I wish Joan
would come home.

- Oh, she's all right.
- Oh, is that the door?

Joan, thank heaven you...

Young lady, what do you mean by this?

Oh, Mops, Pops, wait till
you hear where I've been!

I don't care where you've been. If you
can't come home at a respectable hour...

- Good heavens, what's that?
- Junior!

Don't bother, Pops, I'll make him
turn it off.

- Junior, stop that horrid noise!
- What?

Stop that noise!

Stop that infernal noise, will you?

- I can't!
- Well, why don't you disconnect the wires?

Oh... Junior, this is the last...

Junior, what program, what radio
program did you get this idea from?

It's a spy detector.

Any fifth columnist come in,
the bell goes off.

- Why, that's our double boiler.
- Sure, it's my latest invention.

Combination helmet and canteen.

You wear it while you march
and then you eat out of it.

I've already communicated
with the War Department.

Oh, is that so?

I'm quite sure that Secretary Simpson
will drop everything else...

...and take it up with the
chief of staff.

Come along, Edith.
Come along, young lady.

Well, I don't know. I still haven't had
an answer on my secret weapon here.

What is it, a bromicide?

It's a secret torpedo like Donald Wilson
uses in Submarine Sound.

You know one of these can
blow up a whole fleet.

- Oh...
- Watch.

For goodness' sake...

Did you see that?
That's a great idea.

What's this little gadget here?

Oh, I wouldn't touch that, Pops,
it may explode.

Oh, go on. A thing like that couldn't
explode just touching it...

What did I tell you, Pop?

- Oh, darling, are you hurt?
- No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Let me have your coat, dear.

Some men have children, nice,
everyday children.

but I gotta have a couple of geniuses!

We'll have to send this to the cleaner's.

You'd better send me to
the cleaner instead.

- Junior, tear that thing down! Joan!
- Yes, sir.

Oh, Pops, you look so funny.

Oh, do I? Not half as funny as you're gonna
look over my knee with a hairbrush.

Coming in at this our of the night.

But Pops, wait till you hear
what I was doing.

I was having tea with Greer Garson
and Walter Pidgeon.

Joan, don't go on, don't go on. I just had
a secret weapon explode in my face...

...and that's all the fantasy
I can stand for one day.

But Pops, it's true!

I swear on a stack of photoplays.

Don't swear, Joan, don't swear.
But listen.

From now on you come home
immediately after school...

...and you don't stick your nose out of
this house again till the next morning,

do you understand?

All right, Pops. And beginning
tomorrow night, I promise.

Beginning tonight.

But Pops, I've got a date with
Schuyler tonight.

He's on his way here now.

Well, you can sit at home with him.

But I promised to go to the
movies with him.

He'll be furious!

Well, isn't that just too bad?

Pops, you can't do this to me.

It's cruel, it's unjust.

What did I do to deserve
this kind of treatment?

Oh, Joan, go get your dinner.

I don't want any dinner.
I never want to eat again.

I'm going on a hunger strike.

Look here, young lady...

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Joan ready?
- Who knows?

- I'll wait.
- Who cares?

- Good evening, Schuyler.
- Oh! Say, you look positively ravishing.

Oh, thank you. I'm just
finishing my dinner.

I'm sorry to be late, but I've
had such a trying day.

I had tea with Greer Garson
and Walter Pidgeon.

- Baloney!
- Junior, don't interrupt your elders.

What picture did you see them in?

No, no, dear boy.
I was with them.

- In the flesh.
- Indeed.

Well, I was with Napoleon
and Cleopatra.

- Ha-ha, some joke.
- Junior!

I haven't time to argue with you, Schuyler.
Come along, or we'll be late for the show.

Oh, Schuyler.

I promised my mother and father faithfully
I'd take care of Junior tonight.

- Oh, all right if we have to.
- I'm not going.

Junior, don't be difficult.

I'm not going unless you stop first
and pick up my portable radio.

But that's impossible,
the shop's closed.

Oh, no, it's not. I phoned Joe's shop
and he's gonna wait.

- But we'll be late.
- That's your problem.

All right, come on.

- Darling.
- Yes?

Eu amo-te, querida.

Thank you. But what does it mean?

Why, that's Portuguese.

That means you're lovely, you're beautiful,
you're exquisite...

...you give me vertigo and I adore you.

That's a rough translation,
of course.

Well, not so very rough.

- Stop fidgeting.
- I gotta see what time it is.

- Stop it!
- I gotta see what time it is!

Put that down!

Look, Schuyler, she's in love with him.

Doesn't it just give you goosepimples?

I grant you it is provocative.

But I feel in the mood for some
good music tonight.

There's good music coming, Schuyler.

The next feature had Kay Kyser
and his band.

No, you don't understand.
That's not the same.

Quiet, Schuyler.

You don't mind me calling you
Schuyler, do you?

I've heard so much of your personal
lives these last 15 minutes,

I feel I know you both intimately.

How are your folks?

They shouldn't allow people like that
in the theater.

Look at William Powell, Schuyler.

Isn't he debonair?

I thought it was Hedy Lamarr
you came to see.

- It is.
- I'm not so sure.

I think you're in love with
William Powell.

Oh, Schuyler, it isn't possible.

- I couldn't be in love with William Powell.
- Oh, yes you could if you tried hard.

- Let's change our seats.
- It's murder, isn't it?

Hey, I can't find my hat.

Schuyler can't find his hat. Now he won't
have anything to talk through.

If you don't stop annoying us,
I'll call an usher.

Oh, don't bother, I'll call the usher.

And have him bring a couple of muzzles.

Foreign Office makes such beautiful roles
to protect its diplomats.

Does it do nothing for the women
who fall in love with them?

Doesn't he make love divinely?

Absolutely divinely.

Eight-thirty. The Lone Ranger's on.

Junior!

Hi-Yo Silver!

Junior, get to your room before
the folks come home.

- They are home.
- Pops!

I thought I told you not to go
out tonight.

It was partially my fault, sir.

Joan, go to bed.
I want you in my office tomorrow morning.

You and I are going to have a
heart to heart talk.

- But Pops, I have a...
- In my office tomorrow moorning!

This is all very humiliating.

- She's full of prunes.
- Junior, bed!

Yes, sir.

- Good night, Schuyler.
- Um, Mr. Lyons.

I'd like to have a talk with you.
It's about Joan.

Well, just at this moment Joan is not
my favorite topic.

But go ahead, Schuyler, shoot.

Mr. Lyons, I just want to tell you
that I think you acted perfectly right.

Oh, thank you, that's very comforting.

But I don't think you're going about
things in the right way.

No? What would you suggest?

Well, I made quite a study
of your daughter, Mr. Lyons.

And if you ask me, I think she's living
in the wrong environment.

- You think we ought to move?
- Oh, no, sir, I didn't mean that.

I just mean if you could surround
her with cultural things,

like books, and paintings and music...

...and cultural things,

she might get interested in, um...
cultural things.

You're quite a psychologist,
aren't you?

Excuse me a moment, please.

Hello, Patsy?
Patsy, I had to tell you.

The most significant thing
has happened.

I've just discovered I'm in love.

With William Powell.

I can't help how Walter Pidgeon will feel.
This thing is bigger than I am.

- Oh, Joan!
- Good night, Patsy!

Go to bed!

I won't keep you any longer, Schuyler.

I just wanted to say, Mr. Lyons,

that psychology is the very
essence of the law.

- Oh, thank you.
- I mean to be a lawyer, didn't you know?

No, Joan hadn't informed us
of that fact.

Well, I figure a couple of years
of Law School...

...after I get out of college
six years from now,

and I'll be ready to go into a law firm.

Of course, I haven't picked
which one it is yet.

I see. Well, I hope you won't make any
decisions without letting us know.

Oh, no, sir. I'll keep in touch with you.

- I'm deeply grateful.
- Well, good night, sir.

Good night.

What happened?

Schuyler and I are going into
business together.

Please, Burt, what about Joan?

Joan? Joan's trial comes up tomorrow
morning at my office.

Edith.

How could two serious-minded,
respectable people like you and me...

...ever have such irresponsible children?

Oh, we weren't serious-minded.

I'm not even quite sure that
we were respectable.

Well, I was.

I didn't behave like this generation
and neither did you.

Now you're being stuffy.

You take a look at our own flaming youth
and remember a few things.

You used to wear a flask on your hip,
you drove a stuffed Bearcat,

...and you owned a ukelele. Why, you
used to play Darnelle on it, remember?

I'd forgotten about that.

That's the time we won the cup
for dancing the best Charleston.

Oh, we were hot stuff, Burt.

Remember the first time
I ever met you?

It was after the big Thanksgiving game
and you were wearing a raccoon coat.

Oh, gee, you were cute.

You know, I decided right then
and there that I was going to...

...to vamp you.

I don't believe I put up much
of a struggle, did I?

We were called the lost generation.
We were so wild.

But I don't think we did so badly,

and I don't think Joan
and Junior will either.

Nothing will make me happier if they
turn out half as well as you.

- Thank you, darling.
- Well, it's been a tough day.

I hope Junior doesn't have another one
of his nightmares tonight.

I am the Phantom Claw!

Anyway, he had it early.

You know, Miss Thayer, if Father's
gonna keep people waiting,

he ought to have magazines out here.

- Oh, you mean movie magazines?
- What else?

Well, Joan, it seems that I'm not
to be trusted with money.

You'd better keep your allowance
hidden from me.

Really? Why, Feather, you mean
you embezzle?

Oh, Miss Featherstone,
you misunderstand Mr. Lyons.

He simply wants me to go over the accounts
with you every week instead of every month.

If that's not mistrust,
I'd like to know what is.

Nothing like this happened when I was
working for Mrs. Lyons's mother.

- Burton. V. Lyons?
- Yes, right here.

- A package from the Bon Ton shop.
- Thank you.

Excuse me a minute, Joan,
your father's waiting for this.

- Will you sign this, please?
- Yes.

Thank you.

Miss Thayer.

- Oh, hello, Miss Lyons.
- Hello.

- She's in with Mr. Lyons.
- Thank you. How are you?

- Hello.
- Hi.

Oh, Mr. Sutton, I've got the world
on my shoulders.

- Sounds like your father's mad at you.
- Way down deep, I'm afraid he is.

Well, I wouldn't worry too much.

Come in.

Oh, I... I beg your pardon, I...

- I thought you said "come in".
- But I did say come in.

I'm sorry... I thought you said "come in".

What the blazes is the matter with him?

- Oh, dear.
- "Oh, dear" what?

It's taken Doug...
I mean, Mr. Sutton

It's taken him two months to get up
the nerve to ask me to lunch,

and now he has to see me posing
for you in a nightgown.

Well, what of it?

- What of it?
- Yeah.

Oh...

Say, he's too good a lawyer to convict
on circumstancial evidence as flimsy that.

Oh, he won't convict, he's shy.

He'll just crawl back into his shell
for another two months.

Say, are you in love with this
young Lincoln?

Yes, I am.

Oh... well, send him in!

I'll tell him I was buying my wife
an anniversary present...

...and I wanted another woman's
reaction, that's all.

All right.

I don't want him shooting at me from
behind us with a black stone.

Now can I see Father,
Miss Thayer, can I?

Come in, Joan.

Father, I would not willingly
have caused you pain.

Thoughtless I may have been.
Wicked, I deny.

Well, never mind that. This is going
to be short and to the point.

sit down, Miss Garbo.

Oh, but Father, can't I stand?
It makes it more man to man.

- Like in the Hardy family.
- Sit down!

You came home an hour late
for dinner last night.

But Pops, I was having tea with
Greer Garson and Walter Pidgeon.

I had to wait until tea was over,
I couldn't be rude.

Joan, I don't think you're lying.

I think you imagine these things...

...and then persuade yourself
that they actually happened.

- But Pops...
- Never mind that.

That isn't why I'm punishing you.

You deliberately disobeyed me
last night.

And for that, no more allowance
for a whole month.

But Pops, I've got to have money
for the club paper.

- And I'm broke.
- Good, that'll help bring home my point.

Oh, you're not acting like
Judge Hardy at all.

I'm not trying to act like Judge Hardy.

- Mr. Lyons.
- Yes.

Mrs. Lyons just called and said she was
taking Junior to the doctor or the plumber.

- What?
- Well she was in a terrible hurry.

I didn't hear very well, but...
I think she said that...

...the double boiler was stuck
on junior's head.

The double boiler...

Now, ladies!

Before the committee makes its report,

I'd like to announce that I have received
a new application for membership.

Miss Vera Bailey.

Order, girls!

Look, we want to start a mimeographed
newspaper with hints to the stars, don't we?

Vera's father's got a mimeograph
machine.

- All those in favor say aye.
- Aye!

Vote unanimous.
The new member's waiting in the kitchen.

I appoint Miss Patricia Drew a committee
of one to open the door to the kitchen.

Okay, Vera.

Well, am I elected?

Vera Bailey, you are now an official
member of Guiding Stars Ltd.

As president, I must ask
to see your autograph album.

- I haven't got one.
- You haven't got...

Well, that of course is disgraceful.

You must secure an album immediately...

...and get at least four autographs
a month to remain in the club.

Four a month? Doesn't that
take a lot of time?

I should say it does.

It took me a lifetime to get these.

That's what makes it my most
sacred possession.

Suppose I bought one already filled?

Ladies, ladies!

We will pretend we did not
hear that remark.

Please be seated while we
go on with the meeting.

Polly.

I saw Judy Garland when she arrived
at the Pennsylvania Station...

...from her bond-selling tour.

- Miss President.
- New member?

Is Robert Taylor anyone?

Oh, I've never seen him.

But my uncle flew in from
Los Angeles this morning...

...and told my mother that
Robert Taylor was on the flight

- Where is he stopping?
- How should I know?

- Well, didn't your uncle find out?
- He didn't speak to him.

Your uncle must be a zombie!

Come on, girls.

- He always stops at the Sherry Netherland.
- I think you should try the Warwick.

Maybe he's at the Pierre.

Hello, Sherry Netherland?

Is Robert Taylor registered there?

No? Thanks...

Keep dialing, Joan.

What are you girls making
all the fuss about?

Robert Taylor's in town,
we're trying to find him.

Well I wouldn't get that
excited if Robert Taylor,

Clark Gable and Mickey Rooney
were all rolled into one.

The mere thought of a picture star...

...and you children lose complete
control of yourselves.

Hello, is Robert Taylor there?

Oh, thank you.

Your house is still busy, Mr. Lyons.

Oh, that's impossible, they've
been busy for 45 minutes.

I just checked and they're still talking.

And what time did the wire say
I was to be in Detroit?

- Nine o'clock in the morning, wasn't it?
- Yes, sir.

Well, how can I go over all
these contracts,

go home and pack a bag and catch
a train all in one hour?

What's the name of the people who have
the apartment across the hall from you?

James Byron, why?

I'll ask them to go over to your
apartment and tell whoever's there...

...to have your bag packed and I'll
pick it up and take it to the station.

Say, you're a genius.

Don't forget your wedding
anniversary's tomorrow.

No, I won't. I'll give you
a note for Mrs. Lyons.

You go downstairs and get
some flowers for her...

and, um... I'll give her the nightgowns
myself when I get back.

Yes, sir.

Hello?

No, Mr. Byron's out of town.
I'm using his apartment while he's away.

Apartment across the hall?

Yes.

Yes, of course, I'd be glad to.

All right, I'll tell them.

No trouble at all.

Goodbye.

Is Robert Taylor registered there?

- Oh, dear.
- Try the Ritz.

- Try the St. Regis.
- Try the Savoy Plaza.

Try the Payne Plaza.

- Go see who's at the door, somebody.
- I'll go, Joan.

Oh, Vera, Joan said I'd better
answer the door.

Oh, all right.

Oh, hello, there. I have
a message for you.

It was phoned in from
Mr. Lyons' office.

- You're to...
- Joan!

Joan!

Try the Plaza, Gladys.

Oh, I have a message for you.

Why, Robert Taylor! It's you!

No, it' can't be!
Oh, but it must be.

Where have you been,
we've been looking all over for you!

Oh, please come in!

Oh... no one will ever believe this.
Patsy, go tell the girls!

We're your most important
fan club, Mr. Taylor.

- I'm Joan Lyons, president.
- How do you do?

This is Patricia Drew, vice-president
in charge of stamps.

It's always a pleasure to meet
a vice-president.

Introduce the girls, Patsy,
I gotta get something.

Oh, I know what she went for.

Mr. Taylor, this is Vera Bailey,
our newest member.

- Which is Vera Bailey?
- Why...

Joan!

Where's my album?!

Oh, what a zombie I am,
I left it in the dining room.

Yes?

- Oh... what is it?
- Um, I have a message for someone.

You're to pack Mr. Lyons' bag for an
overnight trip. Miss Thayer will call for it.

Oh, thank you.

You're quite welcome.

What did you do to him?
Where is he?

Girls, girls, what's the matter
with all of you?

I've never seen such goings-on.

- Just because some young man comes...
- Some young man?

- That was Robert Taylor.
- I don't care if it was Robert Taylor.

Robert Taylor?

The mo... the movie star?

Taxi!

- Oh, taxi...
- Here's one.

- Taxi!
- Oh, hello, Doug, thanks.

- Can I give you a lift?
- Why, yes... that would be fine.

I have to go to Mr. Lyons' house to pick up
a suitcase. Where are you bound?

Oh, any place will be all right.
I mean, I'll just go along for the ride.

That is... unless you'd rather be alone.

No, why should I rather be alone?

With Antonio Salvaroni.
He's not a bit my type.

I thought you might want to be
alone with your thoughts.

No, they're pretty dull company.

- Susan, do you...
- Yes?

It's getting a little cold,
don't you think?

Yes, isn't it?

Feels a little like snow.

You're not much of an improvement
on my thoughts.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.

- I can't stand it.
- Can't stand what?

- You!
- Well, that's a fine thing to say.

I should have picked Antonio
Salvaroni after all.

Oh, Susan... I...

Guess I'd better get out of here before...

If you get out now, I'll scream.

You mean you don't mind?

I've been trying to get you
to do this for two years.

Oh, Susan...

- So long, girls.
- So long, see you at the meeting.

- Why, hello, Miss Thayer.
- Hello, Joan, you wonderful girl.

And Patsy, hello, Patsy!

Hello, Miss Featherstone,
isn't it a wonderful day?

- And how well you all look.
- Stolen fruits are sweetest.

Oh, very possibly, Miss Featherstone.
- I don't know what you mean,

but it doesn't really matter. Nothing
matters because the bluebirds are singing...

and the whole world smells
of orange blossoms and...

Is Mr. Lyons' bag ready?

I don't smell anything.

Did you pack his silk pajamas,
the blue ones? Some two white shirts?

I put in everything necessary.

I just wanted to be sure.
He's very particular, you know.

Your lipstick's smeared.

Oh, well... perhaps I'd better go
and fix it then.

I never saw Miss Thayer act
like that before.

No, and I know what it means.

It's happened.
Oh, my poor, poor baby.

Who me?

Joan, you'll have to know this
sooner or later.

That woman is going away
with your father.

Going away?

With Father?

Why, Feather, I don't understand.

I knew from the minute I found
he was buying her nightgowns.

He's in love with her and she's out
to break up our home.

I don't believe it.
Not my father.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You know it's your mother's wedding
anniversary tomorrow.

Tell her she must forgive your father.
He really couldn't help himself.

- So he sent here these.
- Wasn't that sweet of him?

Oh, yes, he's such a wonderful man.

Well... Oh!

This letter will explain everything.

Well, I must be going.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Miss Thayer.

Goodbye, dear.

The brass of him,
the brazen brass of him...

...sending that woman up here with
those hypocritical flowers!

Thinking he's smart!

Making a fool of poor Miss Edith.
And that letter!

Nothing but lies and hypocrisy.

She'll never, never see this!

Nothing but lies and hypocrisy!

Come on, Patsy!

Grand Central Station, please.

- Taxi! Taxi!
- Taxi!

- Hey, driver...
- Yeah, I know, follow that cab...

...and drive like the wind.
Okay, get in.

- I was afraid I wouldn't make it.
- I didn't doubt it a minute.

- Did you get your reservation?
- Er, yes.

The train tickets for Detroit,
the plain reservation for Washington.

- Wonderful!
- Say, what happened to you?

Did you win a defense bond
in a raffle or something?

Better than that.
Doug proposed to me.

- We're going to be married.
- No!

- Yes.
- Oh, that's wonderful!

- And congratulations!
- Thanks.

- Can the boss hug the bride?
- I'd love it.

- Have a nice trip, Mr. Lyons.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

You see, Feather was wrong.
She's not going with him.

She hugged him, didn't she?
That can mean only one thing.

Divorce. She's out to lure
my father to Reno.

What are you going to do,
tell your mother?

And ruin her whole life?
To say nothing of her anniversary.

Well, what are you going to do?

What I need is some man of the world
to give me advice.

- How about Schuyler?
- Really, Patsy!

Sometimes I think you're
positively backward.

And what's more, don't you dare
breathe a word of this to Schuyler.

Or anyone!

This is a secret that will die with us.

Okay. How about stopping
for some ice-cream?

How can I eat when I have
so much on my mind?

Oh, have coffee ice-cream.
It'll act as a stimulant.

I don't need a stimulant.

What I need is a sort of combination
of Spencer Tracy and Dr. Christian.

Patsy, do you see what I see?

An answer to my prayer.

Mr. Pidgeon will see you.

- Oh, hello, Miss Lyons.
- Hello, Mr. Pidgeon.

- How are you?
- Fine, thank you.

- And Miss, um...
- Drew.

- "To Patsy", remember?
- Oh, yes, Patsy, of course...

Um, can I take your coat?

- Thanks, I'll take it.
- How about you... I'm sorry.

Oh, that's all right, Mr. Pidgeon.

Mr. Pidgeon, I would never
have bothered you...

...if it wasn't a matter of vital
major importance.

Yes, I got it from this note
that it was probably urgent.

- Sit down, won't you, ladies, please?
- Thank you.

Now then, what can I do for you?

Mr. Pidgeon, how would you feel
about breaking up a home?

I beg your pardon?

Perhaps... perhaps I'd better put it
another way.

No, no, no, you've made yourself
quite clear, I'm sure.

Well, you see, there's a man.

A lawyer, and he's got a secretary
that wants to marry him.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Well, he's got a wife and two children.

One of the children is a very
beautiful girl about my age.

- Anybody I know?
- Quiet, Patsy.

- But it sounds exactly like...
- Really, Patsy, I can't hear myself think!

Does sound exactly like it.

Now, this beautiful daughter has found out
what this secretary is up to.

But her mother hasn't.
Her mother is very naive...

...and just doesn't realize that
she's being deluded.

Now all this has made the
daughter terribly upset.

She wants more than anything
in the world to protect her mother.

She thought of buying off
the secretary, but...

But unfortunately my father has stopped...

I mean, her father has stopped
her allowance.

Ah, well...

That's too bad, isn't it?

My friend doesn't know which
way to turn.

She loves her father very much and...

And it would kill her if her parents
were divorced.

And just where do I fit in?

Oh, a man of your experience
could give invaluable advice.

Suppose you were in a picture with this
kind of situation, what would you do?

Well, I think if I were the father,
I'd kill the child.

But you don't understand.

This father loves his daughter.

He's just caught in...
in the eternal triangle.

Oh, I see. Miss Lyons, do you really
want my advice?

Oh, yes indeed.

Then tell your friend to try
and forget all about it.

She shouldn't interfere.

Because if you once start pushing
around a triangle,

it's liable to turn into a quadrangle
or something even more complicated.

On the other hand, if you
leave it alone, it, um...

Well, it might vanish into a simple
straight line.

Oh, Mr. Pidgeon, what's
a quadrangle?

It's a figure with four angles.

In terms of your problem, it would
include a wife, a husband,

a secretary and, uh...

a fourth party who has no right messing
around with other people's problems.

- Another man?
- That's not what I meant.

Patsy, that's exactly what we need.

Another man for Mops
to make Pops jealous.

- Are you busy tomorrow night?
- Who me?!

Now wait a minute...

There's going to be a Red Cross ball
at the Country Club.

My parents are going, and I'm going with
Schuyler, and I could introduce you to them.

Then you could just be one side
of the quadrangle for two hours and...

Oh, no, no, my little one, I'm going
to California tomorrow night.

And if you go on with this idiotic idea
of yours, I'm coming back to hunt you.

Now forget all about it and run along.

Mr. Pidgeon, couldn't you stay over
just for one night?

I could not. Run along now,
and remember what I said.

I will, and thanks for your
wondeful idea.

You're entirely welcome, I'm sure...

Hey, it wasn't my idea,
it was your own idea.

And I don't want you to go ahead with it.
You'll get yourself into...

Oh, boy!

We've got to get some man
to make my pops jealous.

- I know so few men.
- What about your father?

No, he's too old.

Patsy, if I can't find some way of bringing
my mother and father back together again...

I'll join the Salvation Army...

...and dedicate myself to humanity.

Joan, you wouldn't!

Why, then you'd have to give up
the Guiding Stars...

...and I'd never see you anymore
except on street corners.

I guess you're right, I couldn't go away,
I'd have to stay with Mother.

We'd be each other's consolation
in our old age...

...when Junior's grown um and married
and only sees us on Sundays.

Patsy, look!

Come on!

From the last position,
you bring it back like this so...

right down the middle of the
back like so.

You get it?
Now.

Men, you want women should fall in love
with you wherever you go?

You said it.

You want you should be
strong like a tiger?

You said it. You want you should have
muscles so you can make them jump?

Eh? I'll say so.

Men, for 10c, only 10c you can be
a Hercules like me,

with full directions on the box.

You want to buy the Body...

Weeklings.

I'll bet he'd make your father
sit up and take notice.

He sure would.

- Oh, Mr. Hercules.
- You want to buy a Body Beautiful Builder?

No, thanks.

- But Mr. Hercules?
- What do you want?

Mr. Hercules, what are you
doing tomorrow night?

I'm doing my watch.

Huh?

$25.68, where are we going
to get that?

Oh, Patsy, what am I going to do?

- It's my father.
- Never mind, Joan.

Even if your home breaks up, you've still
got the Guiding Stars Ltd.

And the best album in the club.

And me.
And you've got Schuyler too.

- Oh, Schuyler.
- Oh, he was just wonderful about it.

- You told Schuyler?
- Why, I had to.

How do you think I got the five dollars?

- Oh, Patsy, how could you?
- Oh, he won't tell, Joan.

I made him swear.

I even made Mom hold her right hand
and spit three times.

- You told your mother?
- Well, she wound it out of me.

Well! I'll never tell you
another thing, ever!

Now it'll be all over the West Side.

- I was only trying to help you.
- Oh, big help you are!

Disgracing my father.

I think you're the most ungrateful
ingrate I've ever met.

And I think you're a big blabbermouth,
that's what I think!

- I don't care what you think.
- Neither do I.

- I'm going home.
- Go ahead!

Patsy!

Joan.

- Oh, I'm so ashamed.
- So am I.

You're my best girlfriend
and I almost lost you.

You're my best friend too.

- Your nose is running.
- It always does...

...when I get emotional.

We must never fight again.
Never.

Specially not now. I feel so
sorry for you, Joan.

Oh, Patsy, I've just got to
get that money.

I've just got to fix things up
between my folks.

There must be some way.

Junior! Why, he's got money.

He's been saving for months.

- He won't give it to you.
- We could borrow from his bank.

I'll make out an IOU so that
it'll be positively legal.

Junior's so fussy... after all it's his
mother and father too.

I'm just giving him an opportunity
to help them.

- Oh, Joan, you're so noble.
- I always try to be.

You wait here.

So! Caught you red-handed, eh?

- Well, put 'em up!
- Junior! Stop, stop, stop squirting me!

- What's the matter!
- Oh, so you've got an accomplice, eh?

Well, this old acid will eat the skin
right off your bones, that's what!

Joan, make him stop!

Junior, if you don't stop this instant,
I'll tell Father on you.

Oh, yes you won't!

Well, I'll tell him that you were
trying to rob my bank.

Junior. Junior, my dear boy.

You're too young to understand.

I'm old enough to know a sneak
thief when I catch one.

She is not a sneak thief,
she was going to leave an IOU.

Patsy.

Junior, we mustn't quarrel
in a crisis like this.

We must stick together.
Oh, my poor, poor baby.

- Oh, lay off of me, you crook.
- She is not a crook!

- She only did it because...
- Patsy, don't tell him!

Junior, if you could avert a terrible
tragedy to Mops and Pops,

If you could save our happiness
by lending me some money...

- Wouldn't you do it?
- Who knows?

- But suppose our whole life would be ruined?
- Who cares?

You're a mean heartless little brat!

What's all that ringing
and screaming about?

Oh, nothing, just another
one of Junior's tantrums.

Tantrums, eh?
What'll that chid invent next?

- Oh, Lilybud!
- Yes?

Have you got money?

All the money I've got is
in War Saving stamps.

- We couldn't take them.
- That would be treason.

You just try taking them,
it'll be murder.

Well?

I could buy an awful lot
of things for $25.

Material things maybe,
but not spiritual.

Besides, if you don't get four
autographs a month,

you'll be expelled from the
Guiding Stars.

Think of the trouble this
will save you.

I don't know.

Look, Vera, Jimmy Stewart,

Doesn't that just give
you goosepimples?

- Is he so hard to get?
- Hard to get?

He's impossible.
He's in the army.

And Clark Gable. He's in the army too.

And look what Bette Davis wrote.
And Greer Garson.

I feel as though I were selling
my dearest friends into bondage.

Well, I'll give you $20 for it.

No, twenty-five.

Okay.

Oh, Patsy, I can't do it.

I just can't sell it.

It's too late now, you've already
accepted my offer.

I know, but...
may I have it back just for a minute?

What for?

I want to look at William
Powell's autograph.

Just once.

Once before I go.

Oh, William!
William, this breaks my heart.

Have I a choice tidbit!

- Hello Feather.
- Hello, Feather.

Well girls, what do you think
I found out?

- Don't hold out.
- Tell us?

Burton Lyons and his secretary.

- It's been going on heaven knows how long.
- Burton Lyons?

- He's been buying her nightgowns.
- Nightgowns?

I saw the bill and I saw her trying
on the nightgown in his office.

- No!
- Is that possible?

- It was spider thin.
- Spider thin?

- Sheer?
- You mean that you could, um...

Uh-huh, you could read through it.

I'm so glad, darling.
And how is Mr. Lyons?

Oh, will he be back from Washington
in time for the Red Cross ball tonight?

Yes, he just wired me, Mrs. Drew.

He'll be back.

Of course I'm fine, never felt better.

Really, Mrs. Drew, if he had to
go to Washington, he had to go.

Yes, we'll see you there.

Goodbye.

That's the sixth person who's called
me today to ask me how I'm feeling.

Do I look as if I'm about to fall
apart before night?

You look wonderful, Mops.

Just as if nothing had
happened at all.

Nothing has.

- Or has it?
- No.

No, it's just that rats always desert
a sinking ship, Miss Edith.

You've been making those silly
cryptic remarks all day.

And what are you crying about?

Sixteen years you've been
a faithful wife to him.

- And to think...
- Stop it, Feather!

Just because he's forgotten
one anniversary.

After all, he's had plenty on his mind
these days besides our anniversary.

I'll say he has.

Is she going crazy or am I?

She hasn't made sense all day.

I've got a headache.
I think I'll lie down a minute.

No, don't lie down, Mops.

Why don't we go shopping? You really
ought to have a new dress for tonight.

You know, something snaky
and daring for your morale.

A snaky dress won't improve
my morale.

Anyway, you've got
to where something.

- Hm, I intend to. My black moir�.
- Oh, that old thing.

- I've seen it umpty-eight times.
- Well...

tonight he's going to see it umpty-nine.

Have you ever tried wearing it
down your shoulders?

No, I never have, why?

Listen, Mother,

maybe if you look different,
maybe Father will feel different.

What do you mean?

- I mean...
- How do you think he feels now?

Well, I mean... every man likes
a change now and then.

What?

In his wife, I mean.

So let's give him another... let's give him
a new woman when he...

Joan!

I mean... have you ever tried
wearing your hair up?

Yes... yes, years ago, but...

It made me look like an angry
whisk broom.

Darling, why are you all of a sudden bent
on making a Lana Turner out of me?

Well, why... it's my first grown-up party...

...and I just want you to be the most
breathtaking woman there, that's all.

Oh, you're a queer and
a wonderful duck.

You know, it might not be such
a bad idea for me to swank up a bit.

Burt could stand a little
shaking up the way he...

Well, I mean that... it might be
a very good idea, Joan.

A very good idea.

I tell you, one more day in Washington
and I would have collapsed.

Oh... on top of everything else,
Feather forgot to pack my razor.

Oh, I'm sure you'd want to be forgiven
if you'd forgotten something.

I know it would be my duty to forgive you
no matter how offended I was.

Oh, look, cookie, are you angry
at me for something?

Oh, no, certainly not.
Why should I be?

I don't know, you've been acting
awfully funny ever since...

What in blazes have you
done to yourself?

- Done to myself?
- Yes, that dress, where did you get it?

Why, it's my old black moir�,
the one you're so crazy about.

Oh, you must have grown
out of it or something.

Sorry, you don't like it?

Well, I can't imagine anyone liking it
except a student of anatomy.

And that bird's nest hairdo of yours,
where did you get it?

That happens to be the
latest style, Burt.

I still don't like it.

Well, just because you had a bad day...

And it looks like I'm headed for
a bad night too.

Please, Burt, we're starting out
for a pleasant evening, now...

- Hello, Pops, hello, Mops...
- Hello, Junior.

Gee, what are you made up as?

- Junior, go to bed.
- But it's only 7 o'clock!

Junior, go to bed!

Run along, Junior, your mother
isn't feeling very well tonight.

I feel fine. I never felt better,
and what more, I'm going to prove it.

Why, Edith! Oh, Edith, darling,
how nice it is to see you!

- How are you?
- I'm so glad that you could come.

- Ladies.
- Good evening, how do you do?

Why do people persist in treating me
as if I'm at death's door?

Maybe they're afraid to catch cold
with that dress you've have on.

- Hello, Lyons!
- Oh, hello, Drew.

Mrs. Lyons.
Have a good trip?

- I did not.
- That's too bad.

Is everybody crazy around here?

The first sign of insanity is when
a person thinks everybody else is crazy.

So, I don't like the outfit
you've got on, I'm insane.

Oh, look, there's Miss Thayer
and Mr. Sutton.

There's the boss.

Oh, yes, I had a couple of extra tickets,
so I gave them to Miss Thayer and Doug.

- Hello, Doug.
- I'm so glad to see you.

- Miss Thayer, you look charming.
- Thank you.

Aren't you doing your hair
a new way?

- Yes.
- It's lovely!

And what a beautiful gown.

Oh, thank you.

Uh... how about a drink?

- Mr. Hercules.
- Huh?

Now remember, your name
is Dr. Hercules...

...and you're a foreign diplomat
on a secret misson.

What country am I from?

It better not be Japan.
People might get suspicious.

- Patsy!
- Now don't forget, Hercules,

if anybody asks you any
personal questions,

you remember what to say to them.

"A slip of the lip will sink a ship."

Um...

Close your yap, don't tell a Jap,
open throats scuttle boats.

- That's fine!
- And remember.

After I introduce you to my mother,
you're not going to leave her side.

Especially if my father's looking.

I will make that old man of yours sit up
and pay attention alright.

I have never met a man in my whole life
who was not jealous of me.

- Indeed. Well, I'm not.
- Schuyler.

Well, wait till you see me work, comrade.
Wait till you see me work.

- It's awfully hot in that bar.
- It certainly is.

You wait here and I'll get the drinks,
two sherries and tea martwonis.

- Tea martwonis?
- Ha... two martinis.

Good grief, what is that with Joan?

Come, Doctor, and don't forget.

Um... Mops, I want you to meet
Dr. Hercules, a diplomat.

My father, Mr. Lyons.

Mr. Sutton and... Miss Thayer.

- How do you do, Doctor?
- I am charming.

- I'm delighted to meet you, Doctor.
- Of course, naturally.

I beg your pardon, Doctor,
but that medal you're wearing,

- Isn't that for sharpshooting?
- Um... Doctor!

A slip of the lip may sink a ship.

- A slip of the lip may sink a ship.
- What's that?

Dr. Hercules is a foreign diplomat
on a very secret mission.

- Aren't you, Doctor?
- Open throats scuttle boats.

What country are you from, Doctor?

What's the matter, you want
to scuttle a boat?

No, no, I merely asked...

I think my husband is just surprised
at how well you speak our language.

Oh, your husband, eh?
He's a very lucky fellow.

You're the best-looking mouse
in the whole joint.

How about a dance, baby?

I'm afraid that my wife doesn't care
very much for dancing.

Oh, she will love it with me,
my friend.

Come along, sweetheart,
come with me, baby.

Joan, from under what toadstool
did you get that?

- Oh, he's a friend of Schuyler's.
- Schuyler, where did you meet him?

I'll tell you later, sir,
Joan promised me this dance.

Patsy.

Would you please dance
with me, Mr. Sutton?

Say, what in blazes is this?

Don't ask me, I'm afraid I might
scuttle a boat.

You've got a lot of reaction.

You know, I was surprised
to see you when I saw you.

I thought you were going
to be a big fat mama.

What? Where did...
who gave you that idea?

- Your daughter.
- May daugh...

She was telling me some sort
of things that would make me think...

...that you were going to
a wet blanket.

- I must speak to Joan.
- Oh, no, you must not be angry with her.

After all, you are much prettier
than I thought you were going to be.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

You know something, I could dance
like this with you the rest of my life.

You are some tootsie foot.

And could I hang out a big
torch for you.

Isn't it gay, Daddy?

Oh, yes, but it's going to be much
gayer any minute now.

That's more dancing than
I've done in ten years.

That's too bad. You are out
of condition, that is not good.

- Mrs. Lyons.
- Oh, thank you.

Scotch and soda.
That will put me back in the pink.

Liquor? That is like sticking
a knife in your muscles.

- Never felt like that to me.
- Look, sweetie, let me tell you about liquor.

It is very bad for you. Sunshine and
exercise, that is the natural vitamin.

Every morning you open the window, you throw
out the window, you throw out your chest...

There you are, Edith. How about
having this next dance with me?

Why, darling, I think...

She cannot do it, she has
the next waltz with me.

- No, but really, I...
- Now look here, Doctor.

Wait a minute, you cannot break a promise,
not a classy squab like you.

- No, but I...
- Well, come along, we're on, baby.

- Now just a moment, Doctor!
- Now, just a minute, Chief!

This is my night to honor.
I'd hate to leave you with egg on your face.

Come on, baby.

Doctor, I must ask you to take me
back to the dance floor this very minute.

Oh, but we need a lot of room
for waltzing.

But we should go back,
what will people think?

What your husband thinks
is good for you.

Well, what ever do you mean?

Oh, let's quit kidding, sweetie.

You don't want your old man to keep
making time with that tootsie bit, do you?

Oh, you are my kind of doll.

And could you and I make
beautiful music together.

Let go, you're hurting me.
Are you crazy?

Here, take your hands off my wife!

Ah, a dog in the manger, huh?

You don't want her and you don't
want anybody else to have her.

Are you a madman.
Let go of her, I tell you!

Doctor, please.

Don't worry, darling, this guy
has to be told off.

I've had enough out of you,
you big ape!

You are hurting my feelings.

Pops, don't, please, he'll kill you!

That's what you think.
Now come on and fight.

You are asking for this.
Hold this, sweetheart.

Hold on, Mr. Lyons, this is ridiculous!

What are you trying to do,
help him?

Schuyler, do something!

You'll hate yourself in the morning
for this, Mr. Lyons.

Stop them, please!

Oh, tricky, eh?

- Oh, Burt!
- Come on, now, that's enough.

Playing with children.

Burt, darling, are you hurt?

No, no, I'm all right.

Just let me at him, that's all.

Oh, no, you've had enough,
the fight's over, Lyons.

- Please take me home.
- Well, I am... All right, all right.

- Give me my coat.
- Are you all right, old man?

What is this?

Property of the Logan Costume Co.?
This isn't my coat.

- Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute!
- Please don't start anything!

I knew there was something fishy
about you, you faker.

- Can you explain that?
- Alright, so I'm not a diplomat.

But I don't go around making love
to my secretary all day either.

- You mean me?
- Hey, wait a minute, you!

Miss Thayer and I are engaged.

What ever put that idea
into your head about me?

You should be ashamed of yourself
with a beautiful wife like that.

Will you stop that!

I'm sorry to bring this thing out
in the open like this,

but it's the only way I can
make him jealous.

Jealous? Were you trying
to make me jealous?

Yeah, and I did it too!

When Hercules takes a job,
Hercules delivers.

Wait a minute. Who hired you
for this... this... this job?

Why, who do you think hired me?

Who suffers the most when the old man goes
out and breaks up the home for another woman?

Why, that poor little innocent
girl who is...

Quiet everybody, please,
let me handle this.

Now, Patricia, I want you to think
and think hard.

We've tried the police stations,
we've tried all the hotels,

we've tried the motion picture theaters,
we've even tried the morgue.

Now think. You're our only chance.

- Where could Joan have gone?
- I...I...

Patricia, dear, did you and Joan
ever plan to run away?

Once after we saw Ronald Colman
in Inmates of Devil's Island,

we thought of going there.

Oh, I give up, I give up!

You give up. You're a fine one to give up.
It's all your fault she's gone.

- My fault?
- Every bit of it.

If you hadn't forgotten our anniversary,

Joan would never have had
such an absurd idea.

But my dear, I didn't forget
our anniversary.

The only reason I can't give you
your present until Monday...

... is because it's locked in my office.
I wrote you that in the letter I sent you.

- What letter?
- Why, the letter I sent with the flowers.

- Flowers? - Yes!
- I didn't get any flowers.

- What...
- Why, I gave them to Miss Featherstone.

Wait a minute!

What did you do with them?

I...

- I mislaid them.
- You mislaid them?

Darling!

Quiet! Stop it, stop it!

Patricia, you want to help us,
don't you? Well?

If you'll just allow me to
question her, Mr. Lyons.

All right, go ahead if it'll do any good.

Now, Patricia, answer me this.

If Miss Featherstone had told you
that your father...

was in the clutches of a woman
like Miss Thayer...

- Hey, wait a minute!
- Why, the very idea!

- Feather said that?
- Yes.

That's why she tore up the letter and threw
away the flowers Mr. Lyons sent to you.

She said they were all lies and hycropisy.

Good heavens!

Excuse me a moment, please.

Feather, come here a moment!

Burt, you were right.
Feather is a menace.

Miss Edith, you mustn't let him
poison your mind against me. Remember...

You've done all the poisoning around
this house. But no more!

I want you to pack your clothes
and be out of here in an hour!

Miss Edith, you don't know
what you're saying.

Turning me out into the night,
homeless and penniless.

Well, you've got your niece's house.
And I wish I had your money.

There's gratitude for you.

After I saved Junior's life when he
almost swallowed that fish bone.

You've evened up that score
after what you've done to Joan.

You heard what Mrs. Lyons said,
now get out!

He struck me!

- May I go on now?
- Yes, please do, please do.

Thank you. Now, Patricia...

- Where am I?
- Quiet, dear, quiet.

Now, Patricia, if Dr. Hercules
didn't work out,

and your plan went phooey,

what did you plan to do then?

- I didn't plan to do anything.
- Oh, this is getting us nowhere!

- Mr. Lyons.
- What?

- May I proceed now?
- Yes, please go on.

What did Joan plan to do?

Well, she said she was going
to give herself to humanity.

That's it!
I'll bet that's what she's done!

- What is it?
- I'll bet she joined the Salvation Army.

Oh... oh...

Do you always serve as much
humanity as this?

- Tired?
- Oh, yes.

But I've got to keep on working
to atone for my sins.

You've atoned enough for one night.
You'd better go to bed.

Now come along. Go in there, slip off
your things and lie down.

Thank you... sister.

- Good night, sister.
- Good night.

She's asleep already.

That's for losing your
newest volunteer.

Joan. Joan, darling, wake up.

Wake up, dear.

- Joan.
- Mops!

- Pops!
- Hello, Joan.

You're together.

We were never apart,
never for a minute.

Then... then Miss Thayer didn't
come between you?

Why, of course not, silly.

Then... then I haven't ruined your lives?

Oh, darling, you could only have
done that if we hadn't found you.

Here's something that belongs
to you, baby.

Vera gave it up with a struggle,
but she gave it up.

Oh, Pops, my album!

My beautiful, beautiful album.

- Robert Taylor's apartment.
- Sixth floor, sir.

Going up! Going up!

Going up, please.

William... oh...

Oh, William Powell.

William... oh, William.

Poor child is having a nightmare.

- Subtitles -
Lu�s Filipe Bernardes