Original subtitles

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Hello, again.

How long have you been here?

About half an hour.

Where did your friends go?

Dunno.

Fucked off somewhere.

Well, at least they picked a quiet street.

Help me out, will you?

What?! Where you going? Hey!

Fuck!

There you go.

You fuckin' angel.

I don't think this is gonna work.

You ready?

How are we doing this?

You step on my hands and I lift you up.

OK.

You there?

Nearly.

Almost.

Fuck!

- Ow. - Careful.

OK...

Em...

Yeah.

You're going to have to stand on my shoulders.

OK.

Um...

Yeah, let's try it like this.

- You on? - I think so.

OK. Be careful!

- You get there? - Yep...

Woo-hoo-hoo!

You done it?

Yeah. OK.

After you.

Straight on.

Do you need help?

OK?

Better.

Not easy with these things on, I tell you.

You want a drink?

Unless you've got anything else?

Beer?

Fine.

Cheers.

Cheers.

What's your name by the way?

Will.

Michael.

What happened to the books?

I got rid of them.

Why?

They were taking up too much space.

But you've still got the shelves.

Hm. I kind of like them now they're empty.

All the possibilities.

We should take these off.

Why?

I think they're kinda sexy.

Oh!

Well, Houston, I think we have a problem.

It's a good job you're so fucking sexy.

Don't I get my boxers back now?

Smoke?

I should get going.

You coming?

Stars.

You don't smoke, Houston?

Not any more. I quit.

I keep trying but...

How long's it been?

Six months.

My trainer said if I wanted to stay on the team, I had to quit, so...

Your trainer?

Football. You play?

I'm in a team.

It's only a really small club, but...

I've got try-outs for a couple of big ones when I get back.

You must be good.

You get paid?

No. Not yet.

If I make the try-outs, I will.

Well, good luck then.

What do you do?

Nothing.

What do you mean?

I'm unemployed.

Yeah, looks like it.

Seriously.

I used to play, not any more.

You mean, you're retired?

Thanks(!)

What will you do now?

Nothing.

Wow! You must be minted.

Not any more.

You do this often?

No.

No, not really.

I have a girlfriend.

Yeah, I kind of worked that out.

I just...

Just sometimes.

What?

Nothing. You want it all.

It's just a bit of fun.

But you like guys?

Great fucking view you have.

Thanks.

Have you seen much of the city?

No, not really.

Bits.

Just on the way in from the airport.

Seems cool though.

It is.

I guess you can get anyone you want.

On a good night.

Have you ever...?

With girls?

Once.

I made up my mind a very long time ago.

Shall we go in? I'm cold.

I should go.

OK.

Back in a second.

Here. They're probably too big, but...

What size are you? These are 45.

Oops! Hang on.

We need to get those off.

Wow! They look like the real deal.

My best man's a copper.

Is that allowed?

Not sure.

He said I'm not allowed to lose them. “Under any circumstances."

Did you take it?

Yeah.

It's great.

Where is it?

Brazil, in the north. The strangest place.

This is the furthest I've been.

Here.

OK.

You're an expert.

My ex was a policeman too.

You've got no other photos. Did you get rid of them too, or...?

Photos of who?

OK.

That was quick.

You know, you can stay here if you want. Sleep on the sofa.

No, thanks. I should go. Early flight.

A bit big.

You look like a little boy.

Well...

You want another drink before you go? One for the road?

No, I should get going. The boys will be wondering where I am.

Oh, yeah, I expect so(!)

I should go.

It's funny...

You remind me of someone.

Well, it was nice meeting you, Houston.

Same.

And thanks again.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Hey.

Good luck for the wedding.

You're back.

The door was open.

Pass me the towel, would you?

Thanks.

I forgot the handcuffs. Sam'll kill me if I don't bring them back.

Excuse me.

You want a shower?

I might take a bath. Is that all right?

Yeah.

Here.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Fuck.

sorry'!-

How long was I in there?

About an hour.

Sorry, I fell asleep.

I got stuff out in case you want to sleep out here.

Else, you can always sleep in the bed with me. It's up to you.

Thanks.

I think I need a drink!

What do you want?

What have you got?

Take a look.

You smell good!

What is this?

Mescal. It's like tequila.

It was a present.

It looks like it was time you opened it.

Open it.

- You got lemons? - Ah, we don't need them with this?

Oh, come on! It's tequila, isn't it?

OK, I'll take a look.

You can take those glasses.

Oh, dear! This is going to end badly.

Tequila's the one thing that makes me really, really sick.

- It's probably the salt. - I think it's probably the tequila.

What was it again?

Salt, lemon, shot? Or salt, shot, lemon?

Salt - shot - lemon.

OK.

OK. Here goes.

Cheers.

Another?

Keep 'em comin''!

Oh, this is weird.

What?

Sitting here in my pants with another bloke.

Oh, yeah, if your mates could see you now!

Let's go through. What do you say? It can't be long till dawn.

OK.

Oh, yeah!

Not bad, huh? Thanks, Peter.

You OK?

Who's Peter?

An ex.

He gave this to me a long time ago. His way of trying to get me to drink tequila.

We went out for a long time.

How long?

Ten years.

Wow.

What happened?

He left.

What did you do?

Another time. I don't think I'm drunk enough yet.

But what about you?

When's the big day?

Couple of months.

All set?

More or less.

Invitations are out, venue's booked. Amy has her dress.

I still need to get my suit. And the guys'.

Write the speech. Work out the dance.

There's still quite a bit to do, I suppose.

Nervous?

Not really.

We've been together since we started sixth form, so...

How old are you?

20.

- Fuck. - What?

- You're so young. - Fuck you!

Too young to get married?

You have good legs.

Strong.

Football.

What about you? You're pretty cut.

Oh, just the gym.

How old are you?

Fuck you!

- What? - How old do you think I am?

I dunno. 40?

You little shit, you!

- I'm not ticklish! - Oh, yeah, we'll see about that!

Here.

What suit are you getting?

I dunno yet.

Tie?

Bridesmaids are in...

What does she call it? Teal.

So we're supposed to match them, apparently.

Grey or blue then.

What?

The suit.

And is it two months to the day?

Yep, eight weeks.

So this time in eight weeks, you'll be married.

I guess so.

Cheers.

Married.

Would you ever...?

I don't know.

Probably not.

So, what happened with you and your... fella?

We were happy for quite a while, you know. More or less.

Peter was happy, I guess.

He had everything he wanted - the boyfriend, the car, the apartment.

We had a good life together.

Going to bars and stuff and...

Grown up, you know.

Straight.

But at some point, we stopped being boyfriends and started to be like brothers.

It got to the point where we'd go to bed and Peter would rather read than have sex.

I guess that's just the way it is. One love turns into another, but...

It could have worked if I was straight...

But I'm still too young to think about fucking companionship.

And...?

And...

At some point, I started to see other guys.

He deserved better than me.

I don't know why I'm telling you all this.

How did he find out?

Don't know.

He knew all my passwords, so I guess it wasn't that difficult.

He never mentioned anything, but I knew he knew.

I could see him hurting.

And then one day, a few months ago, I came home and he was gone.

We didn't even fight about it.

He was right though. It was over.

And there really wasn't anything to talk about.

What, and you haven't seen him since?

No.

And I don't think I will.

How about you?

What?

Do you love her?

I do.

I really do.

I don't know where I'd be without her.

We work well together, you know.

I can see my whole life mapped out with Amy.

But...

Maybe I'm the companionship type.

No...

You're nothing like Peter.

Is that so bad?

No...

Except when you fuck other guys.

Does she know?

Know what?

That you see guys?

I don't think so.

Does anyone know?

Just me then.

Well, yeah, but you don't really count.

Yeah? Why?

Cos in a few hours' time, I'll be back in my hostel sleeping off a fucking awful hangover.

That's it. End of.

So, why did you come back?

Come on, tell me. It's not like you're ever going to see me again. We've established that.

I don't know...

You're not like the guys I normally meet.

You're not like the guys I normally meet.

Serious.

I've never met anyone like you.

- Oh, fuck. - What?

Do you know any gay men?

Well, my cousin's gay, but...

But he's not like you.

What do you mean?

You know...

Bleach blond, orange, fucking camp.

We all pick our own armour.

So, what's yours?

Don't know.

Maybe I just swapped my armour for a different suit.

Well, you don't look gay.

Oh, Will.

What?

You don't look gay either.

I'm not.

I'm serious.

Yeah, I'm serious, too.

We're everywhere.

On the street, at the gym, even at your fucking local football club.

- Fuck you. - And you'd never fucking know.

You still haven't told me why you came back.

I don't know.

I like you.

You're sweet.

I feel like I'm back in high school.

Fuck you.

Sorry'!-

How long have you lived here?

- Seven years. - Wow.

It flies by.

It's a nice apartment.

Too many memories.

All that's left.

What did happen to those books?

I sold them.

I couldn't see them any more. The flat's bad enough.

You know, if there's anything you wanna ask... Anything you wanna know, just ask.

I'm an open book anyhow.

I don't think I even know the questions.

I'm gonna get a beer. You want one?

Yeah.

Cheers.

I've never...

I've never danced with a guy before.

I don't get much chance to either.

My mum used to love that song.

You should make it your wedding dance.

Fuck! I just can't get drunk tonight.

Well, I'm gonna fucking regret this in the morning, I can tell you that much.

I do already.

You're not alone, OK?

You know, I didn't come out till I was 19.

It seems stupid now,

but I had so many stupid reasons, so many doubts why I couldn't be...

I couldn't even say it, gay.

I guess it's different now - society's changing, there are gay people everywhere...

Well, almost.

But it's still going to be one of the hardest things you'll do in your whole life.

It's like signing a new contract with everyone you love.

Telling them you like cock.

You know, most people actually don't give a shit.

But then there are the ones that matter. The ones you bend and bow to.

You just have to take the plunge and don't look back.

What kind of doubts?

Stupid shit, you know. Like...

"Do I want to be him or have him?"

"Why are all the guys I fancy straight?"

I think it's different for everyone.

I mean...

I was just a stupid little boy sitting in my room,

trying to work out the 'theory' of my sexuality. A fucking idiot!

So what happened?

Nothing.

You know, when I was at uni, I used to go out every Saturday night,

not to bars or clubs, by myself.

I used to roam the city, find some place to sit and wait.

Hoping that someone would find me.

Would come along and make me fall in love with them.

I was hoping for something to happen.

Of course, it didn't.

I had to go and find it myself.

Or at least meet it halfway.

And then one day, eventually, I met this guy who made it all seem worth it.

I was lucky, I guess.

Lucky? Why?

Because I had someone.

Someone who kept telling me I wasn't alone.

You know, everyone always says they knew. Somewhere deep down inside, they always knew.

But when you're a kid, what do you fucking know?

You fancy boys, you fancy girls - none of it makes any sense.

It's just a big fucking scary black hole. And it doesn't go away.

It's like a grain of salt in an oyster that just keeps rubbing, just keeps growing.

Like a tumour.

Like a pearl.

And then somehow, eventually, we make sense of it.

We put it nicely in a box - black or white, gay or straight.

But as we cling on to one thing,

we let go of something else.

Other possibilities.

So you think it's a choice then?

I guess, for me, there was a moment of choice.

But not a real choice, it was...

a choice between coming out or...

living straight and normal, but somehow wrong.

Anyway, my brain made all the decisions.

When to say yes, when to say no.

When to go.

When to stay.

I didn't...

I'm not here because...

I'm not gay, OK?

You're here, aren't you?

OK.

Hey.

I thought you'd given up.

I'm doing a lot of things tonight.

Almost dawn.

Where?

There. You can just see it. It's starting to get brighter.

Light's gone out. Someone's getting some tonight.

Over there, they just had a huge argument, so he must sleep on the sofa.

They just got back in from a club.

He wants to stay up and smoke, she just wants to go to bed.

And they...

They're just sleeping.

I thought about moving.

But I just love it out here. It's like my own private cinema.

The lights. It's hypnotic.

Don't be fooled.

It's in there you have to look.

In the darkness, in the windows.

That's where it all happens.

You know howl knew you were straight?

How?

I mean, apart from the make-up. And this.

This is why scissors were invented, my friend.

Because even tied to that fucking lamppost, you looked like you don't care about anything.

Like you don't give a shit about what anyone thinks, I fucking love that.

But I do care.

You shouldn't.

You shouldn't.

It's too easy just to do the same as everyone else.

To weat the same clothes, to want the same things.

You're the one wearing the suit!

We're different, you know.

We do everything we can to fit in - we work out, we put on a suit -

anything so long as no-one calls us a faggot.

So we become the kind of men we desire, the kind of men we think straight men will like.

Buffed, beer drinking, straight-acting.

But actually, we're different.

And it's just not women and football.

We spin at a different rate.

Constantly checking ourselves, living up to expectation.

We belong to a different tribe, you and I.

And I wouldn't have it any other way -

because it makes me refuse to conform,

constantly challenges me to live differently.

But I also fucking hate it.

I hate the fact it makes me want to fit in.

I hate the fact that even now, almost 20 years after my coming out, I...

just want to be accepted by straight people.

Not even accepted, you know.

I just want them to really understand...

I was you once.

You could be me.

I wish I could.

So...

So?

No, I was just gonna say...

Is that how you normally meet guys?

In bars, online, in the park.

Yeah, it's fucking old school, and it scares the shit out of me,

but there's something really exciting about it.

The darkness, the rustling. It's like a horror movie.

I mean, it's not any more dangerous than picking up straight confused guys on the street.

There's this place...

You know?

Down on the beach.

And it's so fucking dark.

Oh, yeah, you're so fucking straight(!)

You're number five.

I mean... You're the fifth guy.

First was a guy from footie.

Luke.

I stayed at his one night after a party. Happened a couple of times.

He had a girlfriend, but...

He just wanted to get laid.

He took me to the beach.

First guy was cute.

Gay.

Then I went a couple of times by myself.

But they weren't really my type, so...

And that's it.

So what's your We?

I dunno.

I think you might be.

I think you're the most beautiful man I've met in a long time.

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Don't.

Don't.

I thought I was cried out.

Morning.

What time is it?

Just after eight.

It's still early. Go back to sleep.

- I can't. - Well, I can.

How long have you been awake?

About an hour.

How do you feel?

OK. My head's buzzing.

Yeah, I never used to get hangovers. Now every time I get one, I feel old.

You are old.

And you stink.

A little nip/tuck here.

Stop it!

Hey! What's this?

Nothing.

I got it as a kid when I came off my bike.

What happened?

- It's not very exciting. - I don't care.

I was going down the canal with my older brother. On bikes.

My brother's going as fast as possible - as usual. I'm trying to keep up.

My wheel got caught, I went over the handlebars. Quick trip to the hospital, and a couple of stitches.

- Shit. - Hm.

What else you got?

Hey, what's this?

Another bike accident.

Shit! Remind me never to get on a bike with you.

What about you?

Oh, I've got tonnes of footie scars.

Here, here, here...

And here.

Oh, and... This!

What happened?

Me and my brother were at the beach,

and he was throwing rocks into the air.

I looked up to see where it was going and it came down and whacked me on the chin.

- Oh, wow! - Yeah.

And this?

From my mum.

For my 18th.

So...

What you doing today?

Don't know. Nothing planned. You?

Coffee?

Hm, yeah.

Don't move.

Hey!

I wasn't sure how you take it.

Just milk.

OK, this one then.

- Thanks. - You're welcome!

I'm gonna take a shower.

Good.

Hm. Thanks.

Hm, it's good!

Thanks!

What are you thinking?

Hm. Nothing.

It's a nice day!

Yeah, they said it was going to be nice today.

Tired?

Hm. I don't know why you're so awake.

I'm shattered.

I'll go pick up my things, and then come back and have a nap.

You want me to come?

Don't worry. I'm gonna speak to the boys.

What are you gonna say?

Fuck knows!

I'll work something out on the way.

Maybe I should come.

You scared I won't come back?

No. Just as support.

I'll be fine.

Give me your hand.

This is my number.

When you're done, just give me a call.

I assume you do actually have a phone somewhere.

Ho...

You'll be OK.

First one's the worst.

Wow! You know how to say the right thing, don't you?

Sorry. I just meant it gets easier.

You'll be fine.

OK. I'd better get ready.

I'll give you a call when I'm done.

OK.

So, what do you want to do today?

Don't know. It's up to you.

I dunno, it's your city.

Well, you could show me around.

Show me your city...

Or...

I dunno... What do you normally do? What would you do if I wasn't here?

Sleep!

No, maybe I'd go to the gym. Then go to a lake, have a swim.

Cool. Let's do that!

OK. Yeah, we could cycle there. Sweat out some toxins.

Well, maybe I'll bring my stuff back. Leave it here.

Or you could always miss your flight.

0h, yeah?

Yeah. I mean, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

And then...

You go back later in the week. Talk to Amy. Do the try-outs.

Even better, you come back here and do the try-outs here.

And then?

And then... I don't know... You play football, I go to work.

You mean, you'll get a job?

Fuck you!

No, then I'll show you my city.

We'll go out to bars and restaurants. Clubs.

That's it. I have no more.

No, no, no. When it gets cold, then we'll go to some place warm. Argentina, Mexico.

Brazil?

It could work.

It all seems so unreal, you know.

You're still young. You can do whatever you want.

The world's your fucking oyster. Just take what you want, leave the rest.

It's like I'm standing in front of a glass wall.

I can see it all.

I just can't work out how to get over it.

Or break through.

You'll make it.

I should get going.

No.

What's wrong?

Will?

I can't.

Sorry, but I can't. I'm really fucking sorry.

What's going on?

I have to go.

Will! Talk to me. We were just out there on the balcony, everything was fine.

- So, what the fuck's the problem? - It's not me.

- What are you talking about? - I can't.

I can't do this! I thought I could, but I can't.

You're a fucking coward.

sorry'!-

Take it off! Take it off!

He'd turn in his fucking grave.

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