All language subtitles for Work in Progress s01e04_English

[narrator]
Previously on Work in Progress.

We're gonna have sex tonight,

[Abby] This bitch at work,
she's like,

"I went to Costco
and got you almonds."

-Tell me what you said.
-Chill out, dude,

-I didn't say anything.
-Dude?

You've got to talk to Dad.

He's getting married.

I had an ex, and I
thought she loved me.

-I'm Melanie.
-Melanie!

Ah, you've got me
so fucking hot.

Oh, my God!
Babe, your eye!

Just one more time,
and then I'll go to the ER, OK?

♪ ♪ ♪

-♪ How big a boy are you? ♪
-Oh, shit.

Got two sevens in a--
goddamn it.

[Campbell] I'm an idiot.

♪ When you can't
speak straight ♪

♪ It don't matter
what you built... ♪

You had sex.

Campbell.

-You had sex.
-Please stop.

You had sex.

You had sex! You had sex!

Campbell.

-She had sex.
-Oh, jeez.

[Campbell] You know
what I'm saying?

-Campbell, please, please.
-You're not denying it.

Girl, why would I deny it?

How was it?

Awkward.

-[laughs]
-Yeah, no fucking shit.

OK. [laughs]

-That's fair.
-Yeah, I know.

I mean, it was all right,

I mean, he was good,
like good, good... but.

I want details.

In what universe,

do you think I would ever
give you details?

All right, just some details.

Campbell I had sex!

Not everything
about me has changed.

OK, fine.

Except it's been
like what, 10 years?

[Abby] Seven.

Oh, jeez. OK, seven.

Well, this is fucking awesome.

-Thank you.
-[Campbell] You broke the curse.

I wouldn't really call
it a curse, all right?

Hmm, I would. You think
it's gonna happen again?

It already did.

Boo kay.

Boo to the kay.

I know! [laughs]

Who are you, exactly?

Honestly, I don't have
a fucking clue.

[both laugh]

["I'm Into Something Good"
plays ]

Hey, man, nice shirt, dawg.

♪ Woke up this morning
feeling fine ♪

Hi, you're tall, I like it.

Hello. Hi.

♪ Last night I met a new boy
in the neighborhood... ♪

Hey, girl, how's it going?!
Yeah!

[gasps] Georgia!
Hi, girl! Hi.

How are you? Yeah.

Keeping it real, all right.
See you guys later.

What up, girl? Good to see ya.
Never met ya, but it was fun.

Wait, just to be clear,
these are good injuries, right?

Campbell, yeah.

He's not hurting me.
I'm hurting me.

It's not just like riding a
bike, I'll tell you that much.

♪ And I told him I could ♪

♪ Next week,
and I told him I could ♪

♪ Something tells me
I'm into-- ♪

[thud]

[Abby, in high-pitched voice]
Hi, how are you?

Fine.

Ignorant bitch.

I fucking hate bathrooms.

Really, well you spend
enough time in them.

That woman over there
just gave me that whole,

"Are you in the
right bathroom look."

That still happens?

Yeah, Aly, it still happens.

Well I didn't think that
it would happen here.

What are you talking about,
it happens everywhere.

It's happened to me in gay bars.

-What? Come on.
-I'm serious.

Every single time
I go into a public bathroom,

I feel unsafe.

I even do my [in high-pitched
voice] "Hi, how are you?" voice,

you know,
so she can know that I'm--

-Julia Child?
-A lady. I'm a lady.

-Oh, OK. Abby...
-Fuck.

people are ignorant.

You just gotta try
and rise above.

Yeah, rise above, totally.

Don't be late to your
junior league meeting,

you fucking cunt.
That was her.

-[Aly] God I hope so.
-Yeah, I guess I...

Abby, you know that
I hate that word.

-[Abby] What? Cunt?
-[sighs]

You know that I hate that word
and you use it all the time.

I love cunt,
I mean the word.

I mean, maybe I'll
even be able to slip it

into a toast at Dad's wedding.

OK, please don't make that any
weirder than it already is.

-It is weird, right?
-Mm-hmm.

I mean he goes and meets
this Carol Anne.

-Carol Lynn.
-Carol-whatever.

And then they decide
to get married?

Well, I mean in his defense,
it's not like Dad

has a ton of time
to get to know somebody.

Girl, that is dark,
and I like it.

Ooh, don't forget:

he's gonna call us
with the wedding plans.

Yeah, you've told me like,
uh, four times.

Well, it's important.

God, you don't have to be
so cunt about it.

-The adjective would be "cunty."
-OK, OK...

[Abby] But I'm proud of you
for trying.

Look, I even saved it
into my phone.

"Wedding of the century
conference call."

-Nice. That's very nice.
-Thank you very much.

I'm very proud of it.

You know what,
why don't you invite Chris?

Yeah, we would love to have him.

The kids can't stop
talking about him.

-How is he?
-[Abby] He's good.

Yeah?

-Like really good?
-Ooh.

Like are we
talking about sex?

Yeah, I regret that.

[laughs] Oh, here they are.
Do you want these?

Ravinia tickets.

We won them at the school
auction but I can't use them.

Oh what did you guys
bid on, Steely Dan?

Three Dog Night?
Hard pass.

Dolly Parton.

-Bullshit.
-[Aly] You're welcome.

Thank you so much,
that's amazing.

Thank you.

You're really gonna
make me reach?

You have so much more money
than I do, Aly, come on.

OK, I mean I got you tickets.

I did not ask for them.
They are a gift.

[sighs]

[Abby] I mean, the junior league
lady really pissed me off!

I'm fucking sick of
being seen as dangerous.

What about this, is menacing?
I don't fucking get it.

Yeah, from what I've seen you're
only a danger to yourself.

OK, you know what, I like
to have sex with you, OK?

Go fuck yourself. Listen,
that was mean, but funny.

You know, for fuck's sake,
we just want to pee.

I shouldn't have to download
an app for that.

-You download an app?
-[Chris] Yeah.

-To pee?
-Yes. Refuge Restrooms.

It helps me find the
nearest single stall.

-That's-- never heard of it.
-Yeah. It saved my life

when I was driving up
from Kansas by myself.

-Uh-huh.
-[Chris] You should download it.

Maybe, yeah, but...
I like my method more.

Like, just to hold it in until I
get a painful and expensive UTI.

Call me crazy.

Hey, Chris, could you try not
to get like that orange stuff

on my dead mom's couch?

[laughs]
All right, fuck you, too.

Ah, fuck, uh... hold on.

-Yep, I'll be right back.
-What?

Oh nothing.
Don't worry about it.

Go about your business.

-What business?
-Nothing. You know what I mean.

[Chris] Are you
still doing that?

Doing what?

[water running]

-Abby, I thought--
-[garbage disposal grinds]

I'm so sorry.
I can't hear you, OK?

Give me one second.

I just thought
things were better.

Oh, my God,
they're so much better.

They're so good.

[grinding continues]

Can I be honest with you?

All right, I know that's
the question, can I?

Fuck.

Basically,
things are going all right.

Fuck.

Oh, I know I'm not
always nailing it

but I'm doing so much
better than I used to

so that's something.

[sighs] All right,
bear with me for this sidebar.

Do you think it's possible that
the universe hears our pain

and if yes, maybe throws
us a fucking bone every

once and a while?

[geese honking]

[laughing] I know.

All right, me neither,
I thought I'd give it a try.

Fuck.

Fucking hippy dippy,
like I wear prairie skirts

and feather earrings.

But still, living your
truth isn't all great.

Like, people don't
always love it.

Like those people
that lose their shit

when I live my truth
and they think

I'm in their bathroom
and not mine.

I'm fucking 45
and afraid to use bathrooms.

Like, you try to be proud,
and you get fucked over.

Fucking assholes.

The other night Chris
asked me about the almonds

and it's like,
are you still throwing them away

and I mean, yeah.

But I avoided that question
like a motherfucker.

And it's not that I'm lying.

It's not like I don't
want to be honest,

it's just that I have
to keep doing this ritual,

and I don't want to jinx
the good stuff that's happening,

and I just hate it.
It's--

It makes me anxious.

I'm happy right now.
I'm not gonna jinx it.

I lose hope sometimes.

Things are better.
Well, that's good.

-[alarm beeps]
-All right, I know times up.

See you next week.

-Knock, knock.
-Sorry, nobody's home.

Oh, well then I guess
I'll just have to wait

on the porch until
they come back.

What can I do for you, Susan?

-Oh, hi, you're home.
-I'm home.

Well first I wanted to drop
off these great jicama chips

that I made, they're zero
points and they are so good.

Second, I just came
from the bathroom

and I was just wondering why
whenever you use the bathroom,

you make a scene?

Literally.

Ooh, Lorraine, Lorraine,
I just used literally correctly.

I mean, if that water was blood

it would look like a
blood bath in there.

A crime scene. Literally.

And?

I guess I--

we all were wondering,

what's the rumpus?

Excuse me?

Why the puddles, Abby?

Why do you puddle the sink?

"Puddle the sink?"

Susan, I am sure
you asking me this

is violating some
sort of HIPAA law,

but if you must know,
I have OCD.

Oh, I have that too.

I always have to double
check that I locked my car.

You know what Susan,
that's exactly the same thing.

I wash my hands vigorously
every single time I wash them.

And I use a lot of soap

and because of the
electric hand dryers here,

there are no towels
for me to clean up

the counter after myself.

And sometimes I have
to do it over and over again

in case my hand touches
the side of the sink

or the faucet or something else,
so yeah,

it gets pretty wet
in there, OK?

I used to wash my hands
so much they bled.

I would wake up in the morning,

my sheets were bloody
because of my fucking hands.

So yeah, I puddle the sink,
and excuse me

if this causes a rumpus.

That was... not the response
I was expecting.

Do you have
my car thing too?

Susan, I do not drive.

Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

Hey, and you know what,

don't even worry about
washing out my Tupperware.

I don't want
to stress you out.

-Yes!
-Yeah!

-OK...
-[laughter]

-that's two in a row.
-[overlapping chatter]

My God, how many queers
does it take to open a door?

-We committed.
-Shit, I think it's automatic.

Um, I'm sorry
to be a raging bitch,

but girl, that basket
is ridiculous.

What?

-What are you doing?!
-What do you mean?

-Who do you think you are?
-I'm a picnic bitch.

OK. All right.

All right, and also it
matches your shirt, so...

Speaking of shirts,
Chris where did you get

this preppy ass, seersucker,
dandy daddy this?

Where did you
get this from?

I got it from
the Brown Elephant.

Ah and hey King, guess
how much he paid for it?

-How much?
-[both] Eight dollars.

We're gonna hear about
that a lot today.

-Well you overpaid.
-Oh.

[laughs]

What is in the basket, momma?

Oh I got, uh, cheese,
crackers, and Zin.

Bougie bitch.

Now you know how I hate
to one up you again,

but in my bag,
I've got a six pack of beer,

Frito scoops, and cheese whiz.

I'm doing Ravinia right.

What's the opposite
of "bougie bitch"?

-"Basic."
-OK. Oh, hey,

you know what,
I'm gonna run in there

before we get on
the train, all right?

-Do you want me to go with you?
-Yeah, that's great.

Oh, thanks, thanks.

-You good?
-We're good.

[Abby] Oh, my God,
seriously,

what-- did you just
go to Crate and Barrel?

What's the deal with that--

Hey, Hey.

Oh, drying hands,
lookin' at phones, America!

[laughs]

How much coffee
have you had today?

Girl, so much coffee.

And also, do you
hear your voice?

What, yeah.

I know, it's my lady voice,
I use in public bathrooms,

it staves off conflict.

-Yeah, OK.
-Hi.

I don't think
it's working.

OK, [laughs]

OK, what am I doing?
I don't even have to go.

-I'm here for you.
-Aww, thanks, Campbell.

[Campbell] Mm-hmm.
I'll be by the sink.

[Abby] Oh, my gosh, there's
a lot of good shit on here.

"Momo"-- Oh, I thought
it was "momo problems"

like "homo problems," but it's
just "mo' money, mo' problems."

"Jules has a hot coochie."

Who's Jules?
Do we need to let her know?

I love Ravinia. I think
the last time we were there

was for that
Hall and Oates concert.

Oh, God.

[Abby] Wait, you got
really sick that night.

-Food poisoning, right?
-Yes, that night was super fun.

[Abby] It was fun?

Yeah.

[Abby] God, you're weird.

I have to say Chris
was not impressed.

You know he was like, "You paid
money to see Hall and Oates?"

I was like,
"Ya' damn right we did."

Uh-huh.

What is that?

What?

Your groaning,
your body language.

Do you have a
problem with Chris?

-Not really.
-"Not really"?

OK, I think it's
moving way too fast,

I think he's way too young,
and I don't trust him.

Yet, God!
I don't trust him yet.

Oh, that was a hell
of a save, Campbell.

Well, thank you so much.
[mock crying]

Look, he's way more mature
than his age, OK?

I mean,
his best friend is King,

and King is way older
than him, OK?

-Now, King I really like.
-See, that is good.

Campbell, things are good!

What could go wrong?

[both laugh]

Jesus fucking Christ,
what are you talking about?

We were just in there.

There are no men
in the restroom.

-None.
-You're sure?

Yeah, I'm sure, OK?
Look, who told you this?

Yeah, which one of these
lovely people here

told you there was a man
in the women's room?

Well, it's obvious why they did?

-What?
-All right, no, no, no, no.

Officer, I'm somewhat of
an expert in this arena,

and in there
is wall-to-wall vag.

Yeah, wall-to-wall vag.

I'm very thorough.

Let's go.

[Abby]
Thank you for having my back,

also a gentle reminder, not
all women have vaginas, so...

Gentle reminder,
today's my day off.

[Abby]
OK. Hey.

-[King] What happened?
-[Chris] Are you OK?

[Abby] I'll tell you
what happened.

[Abby]
Thanks, you guys.

This is really helping my mood.

-So that's...
-Well if we want mood enhancers,

can't have Dolly
without Molly.

You brought drugs
to the train station?

-Yeah.
-What?

-[Campbell] Nice.
-You guys, you can't do that.

It's like Queer
Christmas in July.

-What are you talking--
-Oh,

I hope she plays
"Hard Candy Christmas."

-[giggles]
-What?

It's my favorite song of hers.

Hey, love your basket,
by the way.

-Oh, thank you so much.
-You're welcome.

I'm sorry, if you were, like,
one thing that she could sing,

you'd say,
"Hard Candy Christmas?"

Yes. Who doesn't?

-[laughs]
-[King] "Jolene."

Uh, she'll do "Jolene."
I'm going for the deep cuts.

-"I Will Always Love You?"
-[Chris] Oh, OK.

She's gonna do
"I Will Always Love You."

He's got a point.
He's got a point.

I'm asking for the small stuff
that you might not expect.

-Super fan.
-Oh, OK,

thanks for looking
out for everybody.

-Hello!
-Hello!

-Yeah, some of us actually care.
-[laughs]

Just saying.

You wrap me up in a bow!

-[Abby laughs] No, I--
-[Campbell] It was you!

You guys, that's
a historical building!

You guys are asking--
OK, you know...

-Who has the tickets?
-I have the tickets.

[King] OK,
can I have my own ticket?

[Campbell] Oh, my gosh, yes.

[Abby] Now this is where
I do feel like a mom.

-This is upsetting.
-[Campbell] That is so fun.

Aww, I love it!
I'm so glad that we did this.

-OK.
-I feel really good.

And you look really beautiful.

-OK...
-OK guys.

Thank you for the
front-seat attraction.

[laughs]

[Chris] You guys...

You guys, the stage is this way.

We know, we're gonna
go watch the sunset.

The colors are amazing.

[King] Yes.

It's totally cloudy.

Honor our reality.

I just, I don't know
what they're doing.

[King] Good bye-ye!

I have wanted to see Dolly
Parton since I was seven.

I know, she's supposed
to be so good,

I can't believe we got tickets.

It's so pretty here.

Oh thank God, I know I just peed
but I have to pee again, OK?

Because I broke the seal, OK.

-OK.
-Sorry sorry, yeah.

-Do you mind?
-I got you.

-[Abby] OK.
-I'll be right here.

All right, thank you, all right.

[dance music thumping]

Hey, hey, sweetie,
where you going?

I was trying to
find a place to pee.

I don't want to have to use
the port-a-potties. I'm--

Oh, we should go
use Farragut's.

They are really
cheap Miller Lite there.

But Mel, you know it
always smells on Pride,

and I just don't want
to handle that today.

I'm sorry, yeah,
Farragut's it is.

You know your girl
needs another Miller Lite.

-[Melanie] Yeah, yeah.
-[Abby] Yeah.

[Melanie] Be all right.

[hip-hop music
plays over speakers]

[indistinct chatter]

-Thank you!
-Thank you [indistinct]...

[Abby] I mean my least favorite
thing about Pride is the smell.

I'm a... dainty lady.

[Melanie] Oh you are so.
So dainty.

I know, what's up with
Patchouli and lesbians,

get over it ladies.
[laughs]

Okay...

Oh, shit, I forgot it's
a one-holer. Will you wait

-and just watch the door?
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-OK.
-Sure, I'll be right here.

[Abby] OK, I'll be right out,
all right.

[woman] Hey, girl! Hey!

Yes... [laughs]

♪ It's been a long day ♪

Hi!

[grunge music plays]

-[knocks]
-Coming.

[Abby] Come on, come on,
come on, come on...

[sighs]

Fuck.

-[bangs]
-One minute.

What the hell is
she doing in there?

Jesus Christ.

Come on!

There, there you go,
have at it.

This is a woman's restroom.

Yeah, I'm a woman.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

[groans] Read a book.

-What?
-Read a fucking book.

-Where the fuck were you?
-What?

You knew this was gonna fucking
happen, and you just let it?

-Wait, what happened?
-Oh, I don't know Melanie,

I was just yelled
at for being a man

by a lesbian in a bar
packed with fucking lesbians

in the middle of the biggest
lesbian-fest of the year

in the middle of lesbian-ville.

Even up here, I can't
use the fucking bathroom.

-OK, hey, I'm sorry, Abby.
-[Abby] Don't fucking follow me.

Abby, wait, I didn't know.
Abby, I'm sorry.

Hey, wait.
Abby, come on! Wait!

Oh! Sorry.

That guy knows where he's going.

It's a sock
with a shoe bottom?

Yeah, it's got a shoe,
so it's both a sock and a shoe.

Maybe that's it.
It's probably comfortable.

Excuse me, this is
the women's room.

-I know.
-Oh, it is.

There are three men
in the ladies room.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold on a minute. I'm a woman.

-I'm not.
-I'm not either.

Yeah, we just followed him.

I'm a woman.

We didn't know.
We just followed him-- her.

[woman] Well, I think you
should all leave.

-[Abby] Excuse me.
-Yeah, let's leave.

No, no, no,
we're not going any...

I'm not going anywhere.

You should.

Why would I leave?

Yes, you should.

You have no right
to talk to me like that.

-[woman] Excuse me?
-Oh, I think you heard me.

Who do you think you are?

Oh, I'm sorry, do you
want me to tell you?

I'll tell you who you are.

You are a small-minded cunt.

[both men] Whoa!

Hey, I can say it!

You and your fucking
bullshit,

hetero and gender-normative
beige-ass life.

My God, the way your
fucking mind works,

I bet people like me have
no value in your world

'cause you don't know
where we fucking fit.

We're at a fucking Dolly
Parton concert, sister.

Look around.
You're fucking ignorant!

♪ ♪ ♪

[stomps]

Why can't I just go to the
bathroom in fucking peace?!

Why do you cuntsticks
make everything difficult?

Does anybody know
how hard life is?

I've got some idea,
but keep going, honey.

Thank you so much.

See, I have it even
harder than her.

Because?

Because of my OCD,

I have to wash my hands
like 40 fucking times

in this filthy-ass bathroom,

and I don't have the fucking
luxury to come in and come out.

No, I have to wash
and wash and wash

until I get screamed at
or like fucking insulted.

You all make my life suck!

My life is worse
than everybody else's!

OK, except for her.

My life is pretty good,
actually.

See, she has an easier life
than me. You want to know why?

'Cause people don't
fucking hate her on sight,

and let's be honest,
everybody feels sorry for her.

[gasps]

Um, disabled people
are not the yardstick

to measure how much
shittier your life could be.

OK, I know that was a lot.

You know what, I can see that
I went over a little bit,

but I'm just trying
to tell you is that,

life is hard, and I'm just
having a hard time, and I--

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you really a nun?

Yes.

Your religion is
at the heart of my misery!

I just really love Dolly Parton.

[Abby scoffs]

I was really on her side
at the beginning, but--

You know what you gotta do?
You gotta read a book.

What?

Read a book!

Read a book,
read a book, read a book!

Actually, I'm a librarian.

-Really, so is he?
-What?

Read... a... book!

[all chattering]

[woman] I just hope she's OK.

[woman 2] Oh, my God.

Just breathe, hon.

Babe, are you OK?

[weakly] Hey, Chris.

You can't be in here.

♪ So many things
that get me angry ♪

♪ And so many things
that get me mad ♪

♪ So many things
that get me angry ♪

♪ And I gotta say ♪

♪ When a thing go motion,
a thing go here ♪

♪ Half my people
livin' in fear ♪

♪ In every country,
they interfere ♪

Ievy uny,
th ierre♪