Original subtitles

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Even the creation of the universe kicked off

with a four to the floor beat,

and from the dawn of mankind we have come together

in numbers, in tribes.

And at the heart of this delirious connection was music, always the music.

This is the story of my tribe.

♪ Turn it up

♪ Give it up

♪ Oh, your smile is carved of stone

♪ And your eyes say take me home?

- Are you ready? - Let's have it.

All right, love. We're here about the fag machine.

What about it?

Your coin dispenser needs a new trip switch.

- Eh? - It's proper fucked, love.

I'll go get t' landlord. He's still in bed.

Oh, don't worry about it. We've got a new one in the van. Just be two ticks.

Norman!

Fucking chancers.

- Hurting my back, this is, Matthew. - Good. That means it's full.

- Go on, then. - Got it.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Oi!

What you fucking doing, you fucking little bastards?

Oh, yeah, fucking lovely, Matt.

I want a bigger percentage for this one, mate.

Get a move on. Get a move on.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, mate!

Give me my fucking machine back, you little bollocks!

- Who do you think you are? - Drive, drive, drive, drive!

I can't get it started. I can't make it start.

- The door. Shut the bloody door. - You dirty dodgy bastard.

Oh, that was fucking horrible, man.

You little shits! Wankers!

Wee Man, will you shut the fuck up?!

You're making me lose count!

- I'm fucking working here. - All right, Peanut. Chill your willy.

Fucking hell.

Put the sticks down, Phil Collins. Get over here and start fucking grafting.

Put 'em down and come round here.

D'you know how we can make some big-boy dough?

- Some proper money♪ I'll tell you... - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It should be on by now.

Well, maybe he's changed frequency.

We'd have heard if he'd changed frequency.

It's open!

The guy wouldn't shut up. I didn't know what to do.

I had to sit on his face in the end just to get him to be quiet.

Oi, oi!

All right?

Here we fucking are. Now it's starting. Now we're fucking starting.

- How you doing♪ Where you been? - Can't complain. Where've you been?

- Aye, aye, Mancunia. - Hey, here's the Captain.

- I knew he hadn't changed frequencies. - Hoist the Jolly Roger.

Captain Acid's back, riding the airwaves off the coast of Turntable Towers.

Mm-hm. Location undisclosed.

Ee by gum. Running into them thar hills.

It's Blackburn, baby.

Six... 40...

Oh, no. That's 49... Fuck it, 50.

Fucking wait up. I'm the one who's got all the fucking pills.

Taking you out into the night and on one,

through the skeletons of the industrial northwest.

Come, my children, let me take you by the hand

and I will guide you down the Devil's Highway.

Yes! You know what I'm talking about.

Call the usual number.

Tonight's mission, if you choose to accept it, is a big one.

It's the biggest. Have I ever let you down♪ No.

For more details, the usual number.

- All right, lads? - Cheers.

- Are you taking the piss, son? - It's for all six, so. ..

- Every fucking time. - You're a good lad.

- Cheers, babe. - Love you.

Come on!

♪ I need a lover tonight

♪ I need a lover

♪ Who's gonna treat me so right

♪ I need a lover

♪ I need a lover tonight

♪ I need a lover

♪ Who's gonna treat me so right

♪ I need a lover

♪ I need a lover tonight

♪ I need a lover

♪ Who's gonna treat me so right...?

- How can you be cold? - You're not?

- It's not on, Matthew. - What, mate?

Check it.

Oh, what♪ It's a recession and all that lot wanna do

is lock people up for dancing.

- This shit's a warning. - Fuck that, mate, it's a wake-up call.

We've gotta do what we've gotta do, Matt, ASAP.

Before that lot turn it into a police state.

- That's it. - What you talking about?

Valhalla, my little ducky, ducky, ducky do.

It's a ceremony for, like, the souls of dead Vikings and that.

Dead Vikings♪ You've lost me.

We're gonna hold our own rave. Something special.

- Mad. - Are you serious?

- Yeah. - We're gonna need security and that.

- Maurice and Nigel. - Are you tripping?

- Yeah, obviously, a little bit. - No, I mean, they're psychos.

No, they've calmed right down since they got into their Es and whatnot.

What about a DJ and a sound system?

Will you stop asking questions, Claire? There's no need. We're onto it.

Oi, oi! Come on, let's do one.

Piss off, you lot! You're fucking boring!

Go behind, go behind.

Go, go, go!

- How did you find me? - We just asked around.

'Cause everybody knows that Turntable Towers is in one of these blocks.

- So we figured... - Everyone but the dibble.

They know jack shit, thick fuckers.

So d'you know Captain Acid, then, or what?

Might do. How do I know you two ain't dibble?

- Do we look like dibble? - He does.

- Look, mate, d'you know him or not? - Just a little bit.

I'm his manager.

Oh.

But the Captain only promotes the parties

he defo knows are gonna be buzzing.

- Yeah, we know, we know. - Yeah.

So how do we know that yours isn't gonna be a steaming bag of shite, eh?

You know what I mean? It's your first do.

What if he's walloping the arse out of it on his station, right,

and his loyal following turn up on the night

to find you two and some school fucking disco lights and a tape of the...

- Agadoo? - Agadoo, exactly.

No, that's what we wanted to talk to the Captain about.

How d'you mean?

We need a DJ, so if he wants a gig, it's his.

- What, for cash and everything? - Yeah.

All right. This is where he's at, for the moment.

You'll have to be quick, though, 'cause he will be off.

I'll tell him to expect you.

Yeah!

Can't believe we're gonna meet Captain Acid. This guy's a legend.

All right, Matthew, get out his arse.

Leave the talking to me, yeah?

So is Claire your bird now then or what?

What♪ She's one of my best mates. How would that work?

A best mate that you hope to eventually experiment sexually with?

It's not like that. We just get loved up sometimes, that's all.

- Loved up? - Yeah.

Now you listen to yourself, Matthew. You'll be writing her poetry next.

- Are you finished? - No.

So she's not your bird, just a mate with benefits?

Yeah, something like that.

Matthew, you could've said that from down there, man.

I did explain it. You're asking too many questions, mate.

- It's gotta be one of these ones. - Oh, fuck it.

- Right, one more. - Oh, gravity.

Ooh.

Right.

- Captain Acid? - Who is it?

It's Matt and Dylan. We spoke to Mickey Muddle.

It's open.

So you had a chat with Mickey, then, yeah?

- Eh? - Mickey Muddle, me manager?

- What the fuck? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We spoke to Mickey.

Don't tell no one you were here, right? No one.

Sound.

Did Mickey. .. did he tell you about the money and that?

Talk dollar to Mickey. Whatever he says is cool with me, man.

I trust him. He's a nice man.

So. .. are we on, then, or what?

Arrrrr!

Jim lad!

Arr, Jim lad, and Valhalla Promotions

present something very special for the weekend.

Thanks for helping an' that, Dad.

This place pays me less than the social would, so you fill your boots.

So, um, this is one of those, uh, raves, is it?

Yeah, but, I mean, it's not what you think it is.

- It's all right, son. I understand. - Yeah?

Yeah, I understand what you're trying to do with the parties and that

and trying to get something going.

This is Elvis all over again.

Actually, no, this is more Northern Soul.

- What you on about now, Roger? - We're registering our disapproval.

That's what Thatcher doesn't understand. It's not about us dancing in warehouses.

Youth challenging the hierarchy's a timeless tradition.

She's fighting evolution.

You wanna hang on to her.

Yeah.

- I've got it, I've got it. - Got it?

- Yeah. - Let me have a go.

- No, no, no, no. - Go on, just twist it.

- Come on. - Twist it.

Whoo!

Oh, lads, this is the one. What did I say?

Follow me, follow me, follow me.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, let's have a look. - What d'you reckon?

- Fucking hell. - Really fucking good.

I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking...

Look, we set up... set up sounds here, right?

Get a nice. .. Get an echo down here, both sides.

Whoom, whoom, whoom, whom!

Queuing down there, come in here, see this.

We'll have a bit of, you know, sounds going up.

This it? It smells like someone's died in here.

- Who are you? - I'm the musical talent, mate.

- Who are you? - I supply the drugs, mate.

Nice to meet you.

Yes, mate, this is it.

Let's get this fucker powered up, man.

- Nigel, Maurice. - What?

Can you just give us five minutes? Me head's banging.

Right, there's 50 in each. Usual deal. Eights on each.

- Knock 'em out for whatever you can. - I love you, Peanut.

Sweet as, darling. Wee Man, don't spank 'em all either, all right?

I'm not coming round your house again 'cause you owe me money,

taking money off your mam.

Here you go, mate. On the house. Keep 'em dancing, eh?

- Nice one, man. - Good for business.

We got power yet?

Or am I using sign language to communicate my musical vibrations?

Yeah, we're working on it, mate.

Sure your cousins know what they're doing?

Of course I do, Matthew. Fully qualified.

Manchester Poly. O level.

- Official sparks, these pair. - Right.

- No. - Nothing.

Nothing. Maybe it's this thing here.

What they doing now, then?

Oh, fucking hell, soft lad!

There she blows!

Captain Acid's got the good shit. Yes!

Just need people.

- We're fucking raving now, Matthew. - Just needs people.

- Eh? - It just needs people.

It's like some fat twat of a kid's birthday party

where no one turns up, man.

You sure you put the right date on the flyer?

Right.

No need to panic, is there?

I mean, there's nothing at stake here apart from your reputation as promoters.

Oh, well, maybe no one's that interested in your music no more, Captain Acid.

- Maybe you're all washed up. - Lay off my audience.

- They never miss a party. - Clearly.

Shut up.

They're coming. They're coming!

Oi, oi! Let's be having you! Rave is this way.

I weren't bothered. I weren't bothered.

Here we fucking go.

♪ Peace, can we hold it together?

♪ Seems to me like we're having a problem

♪ Can't we try to talk it through, just me and you?

♪ If we keep the faith in I know we can solve it

♪ It's so special Lend me your helping hand

♪ Let's make the peace right, sisters and brothers

♪ Reach out a hand Touch each and everyone

♪ Caring to share, pennies from heaven

♪ If you see someone who's lost their way

♪ Seems to me like we're having a problem

♪ Just reach out and help them the best you can

♪ No one said we could solve every problem

♪ It's so special Lend me your helping hand

♪ Let's make the peace right, sisters and brothers

♪ Reach out a hand Touch each and everyone

♪ Caring to share, pennies from heaven

♪ It's so special Lend me your helping hand

♪ Let's make the peace right, sisters and brothers

♪ Reach out a hand Touch each and everyone

♪ Caring to share, pennies from heaven?

Fucking yes. Whoa!

- Peanut, for you, my man. - Something special for the Wee Man.

Ey up, you still with us, mate? You still there?

Off your fucking nut, aren't you?

Sarah, put your hand into my little bag of naughties there, would you?

Hold on, wait. What, we're getting paid for having a top party?

- It's fucking mental, innit? - Fucking, you lad!

I want you to take it, for helping out and that.

It was the best fucking night of my life.

- When are we doing that shit again? - Oh, we're not.

Eh?

Yeah, we done it. We got away with it.

Yeah, Matt, man, we made a small fucking fortune last night, buddy.

Look, we got lucky. No dibble, no dickheads.

Bob on. No worries. Tell him he's being a fucking dickhead.

You're being a fucking dickhead, mate.

Leave it out. I'm making sense here.

It's a good thing it's not about the money. 'Cause it's fucking fake.

- What? - I'm serious.

- All of it? - Some of it.

Right, what is going on♪ You trying to push dodgy notes on us now?

Nigel, what's this, mate?

Eh, it was dark. I couldn't always see what they were giving me.

- Money preferably, Nigel. - What the fuck, Nige?

- Don't have a go at me! - It's Maurice.

Whoa, whoa. You know what this means?

We're doing it again.

Come on!

Parliament spent most of Friday

debating the murky world of acid house parties.

Acid house parties emerged during the summer of 1988,

at first... at first. .. at first... at first attracting a few hundred people,

Now thousands can gather to dance all night.

Politicians are especially concerned

that these parties are being run by a cult of evil and corrupt men

who prey on young people.

Legislation has now been introduced that gives police the power

to shut down. .. to shut down the parties and arrest the organisers.

The prime minister called on young people to observe these new laws

which she said were being introduced for their own good.

Go on, lads, get in there! Arrest the little bastards!

Get in there! Get in there!

There were chaotic scenes both inside and outside

this Salford warehouse last night

as police came to raid an illegal rave.

Well, I'm joined now by Sergeant James Thompson.

He's leading the fight against illegal parties.

Sergeant Thompson, what is your message now to the rave community?

Well, my message is simple. The party is over.

While I'm happy for Manchester to be at the forefront of popular culture,

this does not include the misuse of drugs.

Myself and my team will be looking to enforce that message

throughout the now criminalised so-called rave scene.

Wanker.

If you're not a legitimate club, we will be targeting you.

All right, mate?

- All right, mate? - Fucking hell. Where are you from?

London.

- It's taking the piss, mate. - He's funny, in't he?

I'm guessing you're the geezer responsible for all this mental carnage.

- Tell him, girls. - Yeah.

I'm Gary Mac.

I'm Dylan.

This is Biggie.

So he is.

Is there somewhere we can have a natter? A bit of business.

Here you are, Matthew. Look at the size of this one.

- Not him. Him. - All right, mate?

- Business looks good. - Yeah, yeah.

Just here doing some sightseeing, are you?

- Drop of research, actually. - Oh, yeah♪ What on?

How to party properly, like a Northerner.

You're having a fucking laugh, in't you♪ We invented raving.

We invented rave up here, just like we did canals...

- Football.. - Obviously football. Buses.

- Atomic theory. - Northern Soul.

- Northern Soul. - You forgot flat caps.

- See what he did there? - Whey-hey!

Oh, yeah, you're a fucking joker, in't you?

- Thank you very much, my son. - You boys fancy a line?

A line?

Of coke?

That's a very, very generous gesture, Gary. Thank you very much.

Shall we crack on? Shut t' door, then, Peanut.

- Matthew, you in? - No.

I'm actually all right for the old, uh...

Right, bang that up your nostril.

- Fuckin' hell, Gary. - Eh?

- Present from Maurice. - Peanut. Peanut.

- Can you sort us out another 50? - That's another 400 snots.

- There you are. You owe me 12 now. - Oh, one sec, mate.

Not now, knobhead. How many times have I told you?

End of the night, yeah?

No offence, mate, but what are these you selling♪ Sleeping tablets?

- Them pills are top of the line, mate. - Yeah, I doubt that very much.

These are, though.

These, mate, are 100 % pure MDMA. Straight off the plane.

One of these will blow your fucking minds.

- Bollocks. - Great. We look forward to it.

I'm out of bags as well when you got a second, Scarface. Hiya.

Here you are, Matt. Help yourself.

- Hey, why not? - All right, then.

- Bang on, mate. - Pleasure.

Whoo!

You boys ever heard of a club called the Mushroom Cloud?

Mushroom♪ No, mate.

- You boys ever left Manchester? - No, actually, you know what, Gaz?

- I'm from Derby. - Yeah, he's from Derby.

Is he♪ Is he♪ That's fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.

Yeah.

Why don't you broaden your horizons?

- Come and check us out. - Yeah, we'll do that, Matthew.

Might wanna come outside, lads.

How can I help you?

Have you got permission for this party?

It's just a private party.

A private party that costs £15 to get in?

That's a voluntary contribution, for charity.

- What charity? - Save the whales.

I like whales. D'you like 'em?

They're big, but they're also gentle.

And they're blue, and blue's my favourite colour.

Hey, you're blue. I like you too.

Are you on drugs?

Absolutely not. Ridiculous suggestion.

I'll be seeing you again.

I hope so. I enjoyed our little chat.

Why's he going away? I was just talking to him.

That was fucking absolutely majestic. Oh, brother. Fucking majestic.

Oi, how do you two fuckers fancy a party in Ibiza?

- He's fucking serious. - Yeah, man.

Bloody hell, man. You're only bloody serious.

Ey up, mate. What about our amigo?

There's only one of him, mate, but we forgot him at the airport.

Yeah, he's only the DJ, like. Think it might be wise to do a U-ey.

- Yeah? - Comprende?

- Eh? - U-ey?

Whoa.

- Hola, boys! - Hey! Gaz the Mac.

All right, mate?

Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it.

But I just wanna put a bit more colour in,

get some daisies, pansies, you know, bluebells.

Bring a bit of England to Espanol.

Hang on. Where's the Captain?

That's what we were saying. He's had a right hoorah.

We had a problem at the airport, mate. He got lost.

Listen, senor, do I look like I've got any drugs on me?

This will hurt very much.

El problemo, the airporto, el Capitan Acide.

- Vamos. - So he comprendeyed that, then, yeah?

Course he did. Now, let me show you the crown jewel.

I'll show you to your rooms.

- He's got a gun. - Who?

That guy with the weird beard in the jeep. I saw it.

It's probably just for show, all that shit is.

Well, we should keep an eye on things, all right?

That's what I'm talking about.

Ooh!

Whey!

- Keep an eye on that, you mean. - Oi, are you listening?

- Mmm. - Weirdy beardy's got a gun.

Matt! Will you relax?

Will you please sit down♪ Please.

- What have we come here to do, Matt? - Meet Gary Mac.

- Mm-hm. What else? - Not get shot.

Party, exactly. So, one for me... and one for mi amigo.

- I'm all right, mate. - Well, two for me to the D, then.

Bob on.

Mm-hm.

Oh!

Muchas gracias.

Cor blimey.

Oh! That shit's phenomenal, Gaz.

Better than the stuff they serve up back home, eh?

Here you are, here's something else the Spaniards have got on us. Look at this.

Hey.

- Cheers, boys. - Cheers.

Gaz, nice one, seriously.

It's my absolute pleasure, mate.

So, why are we here? What's the catch, eh?

- Don't talk wet. It's boring. - Eh, leave it.

No, no, no. He's right. There's always an agenda.

I thought I'd invite you out into the sunshine to talk a bit of business.

- Business, yeah. - I'm planning a load of mega-raves.

Massive events, shitloads of money.

- What? - Where?

Here, Berlin, Paris, Amsterdam.

A few finishing touches. Starts next summer.

And I'm looking for some new promoters to come on board.

So, basically, Gaz, what you want us to do

is, you know, promote a load of top parties, invite a load of sexy ladies,

dot around Europe and get paid in doing so?

- Only if you're interested. - What do you reckon?

- I'm gonna have a little ponder. - What do you think, mate?

- Gaz Mac, I think you've got a deal. - I thought you'd say yes.

Easy lads. Fuckin'...

Fuckin' all right, my bad. No big deal. I'll get you another.

Lads, I'm Dylan.

Problem, boys?

No. No problem. How are you, Gareth? You keeping well♪ You look well.

Why don't you enjoy the party?

Yeah, I think I might do that.

Lovely to meet you, Dylan.

Top.

Off you pop.

Who was that?

One of your lot. John Anderson, also known as John the Rat.

- John the Rat? - Don't ask.

He stitched me up when I was first starting out.

Thinks I don't know about it.

- But you do know. - I know everything.

- Aye aye! - Acide!

What happened to you at the airport?

Luggage issues. Anyway, let's get this party started.

- I'm gonna go for a walk, mate. - You all right?

Oh, bloody hell fire.

Come on, Dylan. Let's go and party, mate.

- Where's that soft tart gone? - Oh, clear his head. Don't worry.

Whey-hey, mi amigo!

What are you doing, you fanny?

Just having a chill.

D'you know how many boobs are going unconcealed up there?

- Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. - We'll never see 'em all, man.

Come on. Vamos.

All right, I'm coming.

Aye aye, seaman!

- Aye aye, Captain. - Aye aye.

Big shout going out to the Valhalla crew!

Go on, then. So I'm not suave?

What?

Ey up. Can I get one of these to them three there?

You see them? The girls with the boobies♪ Great.

Ey up, lads, ladies.

All right, Dylan?

Anisha and the girls wanted to give you a bit of advice.

If you are gonna send champagne over as an apology,

then don't make it the cheapest bottle at the free bar.

It's considered poor form, my mate.

I know fuck all about champagne, lads, in all honesty.

I just thought kicking off earlier, like...

just gesture, you know what I mean?

Well, I mean, we're all England here. Derby, Manchester...

Manchester♪ Who the fuck said I was from Manchester?

I'm from Salford. It's its own city with its own cathedral.

Dylan, do you know who I am?

- Yeah, John the Rat. - Rats are fucking vermin, Dylan.

Are you trying to say that I'm fucking vermin?

- No, am I fuck? - Do I look like a fucking rat?

What is it, me teeth? Do I look like a fucking rat?!

Do you fuck♪ No.

Do I fuck?!

We're just messing with you, sweetheart.

It's all right. Don't panic.

Go for a swim later.

So you're the Valhalla boys? You do those Valhalla nights?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, me and...

Well, they sound like wild parties, lots of punters and that.

Proper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's our DJ, look. He's a nutter. Look at him.

Yeah, yeah, come down. Come down, man, yeah, it'll be fucking sweet.

Just ask for Dylan and I'll see you there, lads, yeah, back at home.

Guest list. Fucking VIP. Free drinks and that.

We'll have a right knees-up. It'll be top.

- We'd be on the guest list? - Yeah, man.

- What, really on the guest list? - No problems, lads. Honestly.

- You'd do that for us? - Course I would, man.

Cheers, Dylan!

Check out Billy Big Bollocks here. Eh?

Do you have a pen and a pad and everything?

- Have a nice little time? - Fucking guest list.

Have a safe trip home, sweetheart.

I've got good vibes about this place. It's feeling homely already.

- One of youse Dylan? - Yeah, me.

Yeah, that's him.

- This place stinks of dog shit. - No, it's a sound job.

- You boys into rubber? - Eh?

What?

Rubber products. That's what this factory makes.

At least, it used to.

Actually, we're just gonna hire it out, for a party.

- What kind of party? - It's a rave party, Tommy.

Seen something on the news about that raving.

- Not sure I like the look of it. - We're paying in cash.

- Bloody right you are. - Yeah, yeah, sort you out.

- Shall I just count...? - Yeah, take that. Take that.

- Right. We're in business. - Yes, we are.

I can't see who's gonna come to this shithole for their Friday night out.

No, Tommy. You'll be amazed, mate, fucking amazed.

Friggin' amazed.

Keep moving.

Come on. Come on, love. Enjoy yourselves.

Have fun. It's good in there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Just hang on a minute. - Leave off, mate.

- Ten quid each. - Fuckin' hell.

Yes. Go on, off you go, off you go. All right?

Hang on there, boys.

New rule. From now on we stash the cash off the premises, all right?

All right, boss.

Hey, get your hand off that fucking torch.

You get a torch when you pay.

Hey! Hey! Maurice! Nigel!

- Fuck off! - Leave it!

- Get out of my way! Shift, shift! - Coming through. Coming through.

Get the fuck off me!

Get out! Go on, fuck off!

Oh, Peanut! Oh, those fucking scallies! I could kick their heads in.

Every time they saw you dealing, they were straight over for a word.

Or to hit you in the face with a torch.

Sorry, mate. And it wasn't just you as well.

He was twatting this little posh kid in the bogs when I was in there.

So maybe we should think about sorting a new venue, right?

- What a stupid, daft comment, Matt. - What♪ Have you seen his nose?

Gaz Mac'll tell you, things are rocking here, man.

- Yeah, but... - Business is booming.

Look, lads, lads. Nige, say that thing that you said.

Look, we can't keep 'em out, yeah?

But we may be able to keep 'em sweet.

- How's that? - Maurice.

We'll have a word, let their top boys in for free.

They can do their bit. We'll turn a blind eye.

What, so we let them deal?

Matt, it's either that or they take the place by force.

Right, well, I'm glad we got that sorted, then.

Anyway, I'm off. I'm gonna go pick up my keys.

What♪ Keys♪ What keys?

You're serious about moving out of our place?

Yeah, we gotta think about our image now, mate.

I need a proper pad, man. We're big-time players.

Oh.

Ta-ra.

- Whey-hey! - Take it easy, yeah?

Eh, my advice, buy a packet of Frosties, early doors.

- Sort yourself out for the week. - I'm listening.

Fuck this. Come here.

- I've got a spare microwave at home. - Come here, get in.

If you need some food, you come straight to me mum's, yeah?

- Get some rice and "ting", Sarah. - Yeah, she's here, come on.

The main girl.

Off all the people here, who do you reckon needs an hug more than most?

He's only going down the fucking road.

You know when you said that I could talk to you about anything?

Mm-mm.

How would that work exactly?

Depends. Have you got something to confess?

No.

Actually, there was this one thing.

In Ibiza, there was a girl, and it's been killing me ever since.

Actually, I'm relieved.

- Yeah♪ Why? - Because you're being honest.

I think we need to be honest with each other for this to work.

Yeah.

In that case I've gotta tell you something.

Go ahead. Sure.

I slept with Dylan.

But it was before me and you got together, and it didn't mean anything.

But I just thought it was better that you heard it from me first.

- How many times? - Once.

It was just like a stupid one-off thing.

How was it?

Uninspiring.

Does that make you feel better?

Yeah.

Well, I didn't think it was that big a deal, Matthew, to be fair, mate.

Not that much of a big deal you just shagged my girlfriend?

- She wasn't your girlfriend then. - But she is now.

Am I shagging her now?

No.

She wasn't your girlfriend when you was having your way with that other lass.

That was a mistake.

No, Matthew, this is a fucking mistake, mate.

You can't see what she's trying to do? That's fucking embarrassing.

What?

She's trying to drive a wedge between us.

She wants to fucking control you.

She'll have you wearing matching fucking tracksuits.

Said you were a shit shag, anyway.

Well, I doubt that, Matt, but... She's fucking here again.

- You're making it like this, mate. - I can't be arsed, Matthew.

- What did I fucking say? - Why are you walking away, then?

- Happy now? - After last week, we're full.

- I didn't twat you, did I? - It doesn't matter. We're full.

- Turn around. - Know who you're fucking with?

- Moss Side, you fucking, frigging... - I don't give a fuck where you're from.

- Now fuck off. - That's the way you want it?

- Get out. - I'll be seeing you later, mate.

- Eh, I'm here all night. - Fuck you.

- Yeah. - Fuck you.

Love to. See you later.

Sorry about that, guys. Come on. Enjoy your night.

- Moss Side kids are back. - I know. I seen 'em.

It's worse inside. They're all over the place.

- Just need more security. - No, Matt, it's more than that.

- We've lost control of the door. - Don't worry. It's not your problem.

Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking child.

Go on, you fucking prick!

Someone's pissed someone off in the queue, they've had a talking to,

it's all been sorted.

Dylan, it's got fuck all to do with the kids in the queue and you know it.

The people Maurice is letting in are the problem.

- Has to be done to keep the peace. - That's not really working out, is it?

It's not safe for us to deal any more. It's fucking dangerous.

Should we just wait until someone gets killed while our club's going to shit?

I'll stop you there, Claire. It's our club, our business.

Matt, let's not fuck it off at the first sign of trouble.

It's barely the Wild friggin' West, is it?

Will you listen to yourself, Dylan? I can't believe we're even discussing this.

You've completely forgotten what this is about.

What's that, then, peace and love? All right, then, Moonbeam.

I nearly got shot, Dylan, and so did Matt.

So did Maurice. So did Nigel. I haven't heard them whinge the once.

Oi! Can you just stop?

Why are you arsed, man?

You said it yourself, she's just a mate that lets you stick your dick in her.

Yeah. It's your club. Just leave you to it.

Wee Man.

Fucking hell, what is this♪ The miserable gang?

Fuck this. I'm off for a curry, man.

- Hello? - It's me.

What do you want, Matt?

I really need to talk to you.

I was hoping you were gonna come down to the club tomorrow night.

I think it's better if I just stay away.

Besides, it's your club anyway.

Get your money ready. Keep 'em flowing, lads.

Keep 'em flowing. Here we go.

Right, if anybody touches anybody with them fucking bats other than security,

you're a fucking dead man.

Other than that, fucking have it!

All right, lad♪ All right, mate?

Now, don't speak. Just listen.

That was just reminding the little fuckers that we're here now

and it's time for them to leave.

They'll turn this place into a battle ground if you're not careful.

That's not good for business.

I heard that you had some bother with somebody letting shots off

outside your club the other day.

Now, we can't have that, and with us on the door, you won't.

We'll keep the dickheads and the dibble away.

Also we'll make sure that only top-quality drugs get in here.

You can't have kids falling dead down on your dance floor.

Again, that ain't good for business.

We'll turn the place into a fortress.

Other crews'll leave you alone and we'll, what, we'll take like...

- 25. - .. .25 %% of the door.

Happy days.

It is, of course, your decision,

but if you do open these doors again without letting me know,

I swear to God I will burn this building down

with each and every fucker inside it, do you get me?

Well, fucking hell, lads, relax. We can make this work.

If it wasn't me stood here, it'd be some other dickhead,

and he might be a right nasty little cunt.

Let's be mates, yeah?

Quality.

It was lovely seeing you again.

- We're gone. - Sound. I'll bell you tomorrow, boys.

Don't fucking bother. We didn't sign up for this shit, lads.

Sorry, kid.

What?!

Yeah, it's over, mate.

Did you not listen to what he was just saying?

We've come so far from what we set out to do.

Have a party, yeah, have a party.

And... and. .. and make a few quid.

I can't even remember the last time I had a good time here. It's fucked.

Well, that's the point, Matt. It's our jobs now. It's a career.

We are acid house pioneers, man.

It's a business, and John can help us out.

Business, yeah? You wanna talk about business?

All right, how much money did we make this week, mate?

- Who booked the DJs? - You.

- Who sorted out the flyers? - You did, yeah.

How much you put up your nose? Wake up, Dylan. That man's a lunatic!

What do you suggest?

And before you say it, no, I ain't going back to robbing fucking fag machines!

Let's just talk to him, Matt.

Let's just have a word.

Come on.

Come here.

Come here.

No use falling out, Matt, is there?

We'll have a business meeting.

Pat me back. I'm patting yours.

Do you feel better?

You never leave the dance floor to deal.

And you never leave the premises without settling up, right?

Yeah, got it, mate, yeah.

If you run out of what you're selling,

go to Bigfoot and he'll send a runner for you.

We keep nothing on the premises.

OK?

- Yeah, cool, mate. Sorted. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, cool.

We're going.

- Have you seen her? - Would you leave her alone?

Just trying to make sure she's all right.

She's better off without you, actually, so you're gonna have to jog on.

Everything OK, lads?

- Oh, yeah, bob on, John. - Yeah.

Well, make sure you close the door on the way out, will you?

- He is one dim-witted little tosser. - Dickhead. Dickhead.

This'll work, mate, with John on side, I'm telling you.

- Yeah♪ How's that? - Well, look at 'em.

Eh, eh, eh, what's the story with the gobshite DJ who's taken my spot?

That's only for the first few hours. He plays all that hardcore shit.

- John and his boys, they're into it. - You know what♪ I've had enough.

- You're taking the piss, man. - Fuck this.

Where are you off?

Look, you are, man, and him, John the Twat.

It's my... I brought these people, not him.

I can't be asked with you, man. You're in a mood.

Well, I am in a mood, yeah. I brought style to this place.

And the styluses! Fuck.

You're a wanker, mate!

Do you like this? Do you like this music?

Do you...♪ Fucking...

Aw, look at you, you f...

Unbelievable.

- Hiya. You all right? - All right?

Cheers.

- That's £2. - Claire...

- I'm not finished here, thanks. - All right, mate.

- Claire. .. - Mate, mate, mate, there's a line.

- You don't have a bag? - I don't have a bag. Sorry.

Claire, I'm really sorry for being a prick.

That's not much of an apology.

Hiya. You all right?

And for what Dylan said, 'cause he quoted me bang out of context.

What, that I'm just a bird that lets you fuck her?

- That's £2. - That's not what I said.

What did you say?

I said that we were really great mates, with benefits.

With what?

And that we were really close and that.

Tosser.

I thought maybe you'd gone home or something.

- I thought about it. - Why didn't you?

- Something came up. - What?

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Cheers.

So, like we said, 25 %% of the door for me and the rest is for you.

You know, you should think about investing in a new motor with that.

Summat really classy. Let them know you've arrived.

Bigfoot knows a guy. Don't you♪ You could help him out.

Nice one. Oh, yeah, I've got Wee Man and Sarah's money for you.

Uh...

Every fucker's happy, then, yeah?

Come in.

Just wanted to talk to Dylan.

- Go on, then. - In private.

Surely whatever you can say to Dylan, you can say to the rest of us.

- I mean, we're all mates. - No, it's all right.

- Well, is there a problem? - No.

Well, stop fannying around, then. Come and have a drink.

I'm all good, thanks.

We're all good.

- Have a good night, yeah? - How much have you got?

All right, mate?

Babe, have you got more money? It's not a chemist, yeah♪ No refunds.

Mate, here you are.

Cheers, mate. Look, mate, you're gonna have to jog on, yeah?

- Have a good night. - Not tonight, mate. Sorry about that.

- Have you grown a ball sack yet? - Anyway, nothing?

Sorry, mate, it's a busy night, pal. I'm sorry.

- Can you do us 80? - 18?

- 80, man. There's loads of us. - 80♪ Fucking hell.

- Sarah. Sarah. - What?

- He wants 80. - 80♪ Fucking students.

You'll have to hang on. We've gotta count 'em yet.

- How many do you want? - Can we do this outside?

- I've got everyone's money, man. - No, mate, I can't, mate, I can't.

- Come on. I've got everyone's money. - All right, then.

Wee Man! Fuck's sake.

Look, mate, look, love you. I'm back in five, yeah♪ Yeah?

Love you. I love you.

Fucking hell, mate, where are you taking me here?

What is this now?

Gonna have to do it here, mate. I can't go any further.

How many was it♪ 80, yeah?

Wee Man, run!

- You all right, chap? - I just came from the hospital.

Haven't you heard about Wee Man?

Wee Man!

Fuck.

Yeah, fuck.

Listen, mate... I want out.

Actually, I am out, yeah?

If you had any sense, you'd do the same.

- We can't do that, Matthew. - Why not?

Because John'll go mad for a start.

He's already been on at me as to where you've been.

Tell him he can keep the club, burn it down if he wants.

I'm not gonna do that. It's everything I've fucking got.

Well, keep it, then. I want my life back.

What life, Matthew? We had fuck all, man.

We were all right.

You stay away from our friends as well,

'cause you're a fucking liability and everything you touch turns to shite!

Nothing to do with the fact that I fucked Claire before you did?

- You... - Go on, then, mate. Go on.

- Go on. - You're not fucking worth it, mate.

You don't want John coming for you, Matt, man.

Fuck. Ball.

What happened with your mate, it's, um... well, it's regrettable,

but they brought it on themselves.

They broke the rules.

That is fucking beautiful. Fucking beautiful.

Yeah, yeah, good shot, John.

The problem is I'm down thousands of pills and a pile of dough.

Fuck.

Now, normally I'd be going to the guy before he could walk again,

but I'm not gonna do that.

I'm coming to you.

- John, I... - Don't speak. Just listen.

You owe me 20 grand.

But seeing as we're mates, I'll only charge you 10 % interest a day, right?

You've got till the end of the week to pay me

or I might start getting restless, and you don't want that, right?

You've reached the Rave Control.

Ooh!

I'm Matt... Matt, and he's the one, the only...

Dylan.

I'm afraid we can't come to the phone right now.

'Cause we're off our heads.

But leave a message after the tone, tone, tone, tone, tone.

Turn it off!

Yeah, uh, police, please.

It's doctor whatshisface's orders, soft foods only.

- Nice room. - Yeah, Peanut sorted us out.

- Junkie doctor, owes me one. - Right.

You OK?

Ey up.

- So you've taken him back, then? - Yeah. On a trial basis.

So he knows?

- Yeah, he knows. - What did he say?

You're pregnant♪ How did that happen?

- You cheeky fucking bastard! - I never said that.

- Tell her what I actually said. - That's what I thought he'd say.

What he actually said was...

We'll do it, I promise.

The club and the drugs, we'll knock it on the head,

and... and we'll do it together.

- Quitting drugs? - Shut up, you.

Right, if you fuck this up, I will make sure you end up like him.

- Cheers, mate. I'll bear that in mind. - So you're really quitting drugs?

Yes, Peanut. I'm sorry if that affects sales.

Bigfoot! Get your fucking hands off me!

Oh, my God. We're having a fucking baby!

It's great, innit?

Hospital food's always shit, so I brought you some proper gear.

It's times like this when you really need your mates.

You seen much of them, your mates?

Only I was looking for Matt and Dickhead Dylan.

Need to have a word with 'em, urgent.

- They've not been here. - I was asking him.

No.

Fucking hell, lad. You need the toilet?

There's a handicapped one out there for you.

Well, if you do see them, let them know I'm looking for 'em.

Oh, and one more bit of news to lift your spirits.

It was my lads that robbed you and took your pills,

so you two don't need to worry about that any more, do you?

That's my gift to you, that, peace of mind.

Money's in the drum. Money's in the drum.

- Oh, fuck me! - Fuck!

Why the fuck is John looking for you and Matt?

- Claire, he thinks I owe him money. - Well, pay him, then.

I haven't got that kind of fucking money. I'm skint.

Sort it out. Sort it out.

- He wants to tear my fucking head off. - You're fucked, then, aren't you?

- You're fucked an' all! - What the fuck have I done?

From the fucking beginning, I said,

"Don't walk out without clearing it with him."

We wouldn't be in this mess

if you hadn't try to play Barry fucking Big Bollocks.

It's him. It's John. It's fucking John! He's coming right now!

- Bye-bye! - Out the back!

- You're on your own now. - I proper fucked up, I know I did.

- I ain't got nowhere else to go, man. - Give a shit!

- Matt, we gotta take him with us. - Thank you. Where are you going?

Wakey, wakey.

Fucking hell.

- Give us your hand, then. - What?

We'll be less targeted. Give us your hand.

- I'm not comfortable with that, man. - Don't be shy.

Stop touching me.

Are you sure about this?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

It's not like he's not gonna sort it out himself.

- John the Twat. - Shit.

- Run, run, run, - Shut up.

- He's there, he's there. - It's a fucking. ..

You're a knobhead. You're a fully fledged...

- You should have seen your face. - You're an ambitious knobhead.

- A real ambitious knobhead. - You were so scared.

You know, he's never gonna learn. Just gotta sort him out.

- You should give us that back, man. - It's a worthy cause, mate.

- I'm on the friggin' run here. - Well, I suppose.

Do you want me dead?

- Hey! - Here they are, Bonnie and Clyde.

- Good to see you. - You all right?

Closely followed by Tweedledum and Tweedledick.

- Lads! - Proper prostitutes, Matthew, man!

Come on.

Bye.

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Ze Dam.

- After you, mate. - All right, Gaz, my old son.

- Eh, come on. - All right♪ Come on.

- Where are we going? - Surprise, mate.

Do us a favour, put these on, yeah?

Why?

Trust me. You'll see. Gonna sort you right out.

- Bondage? - Something like that.

I love this city.

Come on, here we are.

- It's a bit seedy, Matt. - Come on, mate.

- Hello, Dylan. - Whoa! Fuck, Matt!

Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt! Fucking hell, man!

- Have you not told him yet? - Let's get this over and done with.

- There's your money. - What the fuck's going on here, boys?

- See you later. - What the fuck's going on, lads?

- It's the only way, mate, trust me. - Gaz, Gaz, Gaz, Gaz.

- Is it all there? - 30 grand. Count it if you want.

I know you're not stupid enough to fuck me over. Not like this dickhead.

- You knew he was down here, Matt? - It's done, yeah?

- You stay away from me and Claire. - Yeah. You've paid for that privilege.

But you, oh, you're totally fucked now.

- John, man. - Right!

No, no, no, John, John, John, he's paid you the fucking money.

Dylan!

He's paid for it. You haven't paid me.

It's not just the money that I really want, you know.

It's you, mate. You're the real prize.

You're not gonna fucking do owt, Matt? Say summat!

Say what? That I'm better off without you?

You're dead to me!

- Oh, fucking... - Aw.

It doesn't sound like he's in the mood to talk, Matt.

You have a nice life, mate, yeah?

Hey!

Just me and you, sunshine.

Well?

Yeah, it's done.

Oh, you fucking horrible, horrible bastard, Matthew!

- Untie me, Gaz. Untie me. - Hey, hey...

Right! You lot better think about making a move.

- Yeah, mate. - Right, now, don't forget this one.

Don't know what to say, mate.

Don't worry. He had it coming anyway.

Oh. .. I'll see you for the next one?

- Yeah. - See you, mate.

I really fucking thought you'd done me in there.

- That was the plan, wasn't it? - That was the plan?

- Yeah. - Fucking lovely.

You didn't think of telling me, did you?

- You'd have fucked it up, wouldn't you? - Yes!

- Come on. - No, hold on. What's going on?

Did you know? Oi, did you know, Claire?

- Yep. - Oh!

- Did you know? - Know what?

What's everyone talking about?

I've never been so scared in all my life, Matthew!

What♪ What has happened here?

Will someone please tell me what I missed?

That's gotta be a right kick in the bollocks, that, being set up by a mate.

Still, life goes on, doesn't it?

Well, not for you, of course, but for me.

I've got all this lovely bloody money to spend, haven't I?

What the fuck?

What the fuck♪ Who the fucking hell?

So, Biggie, right, he's come out of nowhere like some triple-size ninja.

That's big, man.

And the plan, right, so, basically, was to use me as bait?

Yeah.

- But it worked. - You don't know that, though, do you?

Because he could just recover and come for us all.

But he won't, mate, 'cause it's over.

Trust me.

Thank you, then. I mean that.

- I am properly sorry, mate. - For which bit?

- All of it. - Yeah.

Come here, brother.

I enjoyed every minute, you mad bastard.

- I love you, man. - Yeah, me an' all.

Claire, Claire, I... I can't not...

I was well out of line to you, Claire. Bang out of order.

He's lucky to have anything to do with you.

I'm really, really sorry, Claire.

Thanks, Dylan.

- Hey, you get him home, all right? - What?

Yeah.

Right, then, just before we go home, speed, Es, mushrooms, live sex show.

- I don't wanna go back. - Me neither.

- I mean it, though. - So do I.

What, even if I get skint again?

To be honest, I think I prefer you with no money.

- Oh, yeah? - Mm-hm.

- We might have a problem, then. - Why?

- Just a small issue. - What?

We might have to talk about it.

Matt.

- Make sure you close your eyes. - Close my eyes?

Yeah.

- Right, eyes closed, yeah? - They're closed.

Keep 'em closed. Keep 'em closed.

Wait for it. Wait for it.

Open 'em.

We're loaded!

You know when things started getting heavy in the club?

I started stashing it away, as a kind of, um, rave pension.

I thought it would come in handy for... for... for the kid.

So what do you think?

- Honestly? - Yeah.

Tribes die and then they start again,

and so it goes.

The cycle continues.

It's how we survive.

And we had survived.

- Captain, you're on in five... - What?

- ...four... - Live?

- ...three... - Now?

- ...two... - No!

-. ..one. - This is not good!

Yo-ho-ho, Mancunia.

Hoist the Jolly Roger, for the Captain is back.

Did you miss me?

Now bigger and better than ever,

thanks to an anonymous donation from a devoted listener.

This one goes out to you, mate.

Whoa!

Oh, yes!

What do you mean, I've gotta read this out♪ What♪ Local news?

This isn't Newsround, man. Do I look like John Craven?

No, don't answer that. Anyway, gotta read out some local news.

Special bingo night tonight. Bonanza Bingo.

What the fuck♪ Are old ladies listening to this or what?

Oh, mate, this tune is dirty. It's number 30.

- 69. - Whoo!

- Dirty swine. - House!

What did you just say there, my ducky?

- House! - House, you say?

Drop it, Peanut.

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