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All the women were asleep.
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00:00:56,715 --> 00:01:00,845
It was the early hours,
since the prison was already silent.
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00:01:07,686 --> 00:01:10,980
Suddenly, I heard
my name being shouted out.
4
00:01:14,858 --> 00:01:17,193
I was afraid because
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00:01:17,194 --> 00:01:19,736
It wasn't usual
to be summoned at that time,
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00:01:24,075 --> 00:01:27,703
I thought they were coming
to take me to the punishment well.
7
00:01:50,557 --> 00:01:52,725
The "prison crier"
who was shouting for me
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00:01:52,726 --> 00:01:55,810
came to my cell
and told me to get up,
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00:01:57,646 --> 00:02:00,066
that I had to go
to the visitors' grille.
10
00:02:04,446 --> 00:02:07,573
It was a really long corridor...
11
00:02:22,421 --> 00:02:24,379
When I got
to the visitors' grille,
12
00:02:26,215 --> 00:02:29,008
I was standing there
13
00:02:31,845 --> 00:02:35,306
when a man came along
14
00:02:37,142 --> 00:02:39,017
and told me,
15
00:02:40,853 --> 00:02:42,645
Are you Miriam Carvajal Yescas?
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00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,313
Yes.
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00:02:47,151 --> 00:02:48,692
I'm going to read this to you:
18
00:02:51,029 --> 00:02:54,364
As per article this and that,
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00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:59,537
on this day 31 August 2010,
20
00:03:00,873 --> 00:03:03,499
for lack of evidence,
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00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:08,211
Miriam Carvajal
22
00:03:09,046 --> 00:03:10,798
is unconditionally released
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00:03:18,638 --> 00:03:21,807
I couldn't quite
believe it at first.
24
00:03:24,143 --> 00:03:24,893
No...
25
00:03:27,229 --> 00:03:31,481
No words can express
the emotion you feel
26
00:03:34,403 --> 00:03:37,445
when they tell you you're free.
27
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:57,424
I grabbed some trainers,
trousers, a T-shirt,
28
00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:03,679
and the photo of my son,
the first thing I saw when I woke up...
29
00:04:16,899 --> 00:04:21,611
We knew there was a curfew
in Matamoros at nights,
30
00:04:22,947 --> 00:04:26,115
it was almost
as if the city was at war
31
00:04:27,451 --> 00:04:32,163
and every day there'd be clashes
between the Zetas and the Gulf Cartel
32
00:04:32,164 --> 00:04:34,206
and the police and all.
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00:04:40,044 --> 00:04:42,254
The lawyer who came
to collect me
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00:04:42,672 --> 00:04:45,758
was afraid that we might be
kidnapped on the way.
35
00:04:49,512 --> 00:04:53,264
Just five days before,
they'd found 72 migrants
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00:04:53,265 --> 00:04:55,516
in a mass grave in San Fernando.
37
00:05:15,536 --> 00:05:19,498
I didn't have any money,
I was a very long way from home,
38
00:05:20,208 --> 00:05:22,250
in the north of Mexico.
39
00:05:24,377 --> 00:05:28,714
I had to travel across the whole
country to reach my house in Tulum.
40
00:05:30,549 --> 00:05:32,468
More than 2,000 kilometers.
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00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:57,909
I remember that I got to the bus station
42
00:05:59,744 --> 00:06:01,537
and went into the toilet.
43
00:06:04,373 --> 00:06:08,334
It was the first time I'd seen
myself in the mirror for ages
44
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,629
and I didn't recognise myself,
45
00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:15,048
I didn't recognise the woman
standing in front of me.
46
00:07:06,431 --> 00:07:09,890
I couldn't look people
in the eye because I felt
47
00:07:09,891 --> 00:07:14,311
as if everybody knew
I'd been in prison,
48
00:07:14,312 --> 00:07:17,104
as if I was carrying
a placard saying
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00:07:17,940 --> 00:07:20,358
"This woman was a convict"
or "She's a convict!"
50
00:07:49,384 --> 00:07:51,051
I started
51
00:07:52,386 --> 00:07:53,429
trying...
52
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:58,435
to get my head
to understand that I was out.
53
00:08:03,273 --> 00:08:05,484
That the prison was left behind now
54
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,735
and that I had to carry on.
55
00:08:13,074 --> 00:08:14,449
I began to...
56
00:08:15,284 --> 00:08:18,453
to imagine that
last morning I saw my child
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00:08:23,291 --> 00:08:26,125
and tried to remember
where his bed was
58
00:08:29,464 --> 00:08:32,215
or some things
about his clothes,
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00:08:35,593 --> 00:08:38,679
what Leo's room was like,
what my house was like,
60
00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:40,764
the color of the walls.
61
00:08:44,893 --> 00:08:48,104
I was terrified of opening
the door of my house
62
00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:54,945
and finding that pot
of chicken stock
63
00:08:54,946 --> 00:08:58,073
I'd made just before
64
00:08:58,908 --> 00:09:01,075
they took me away.
65
00:09:03,955 --> 00:09:06,914
And I said, well,
I'm going to start from there,
66
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:12,127
pick up where I left off
as if this had been a break or a dream.
67
00:09:18,968 --> 00:09:20,801
There was another part of my head,
68
00:09:20,802 --> 00:09:25,263
and above all of my heart,
that was excited.
69
00:09:26,598 --> 00:09:28,434
I was making plans, like...
70
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,602
I'm going to paint my house
and we're going to go
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00:09:31,603 --> 00:09:33,979
to the beach every day.
72
00:10:02,925 --> 00:10:04,216
Where are you going, Sir?
73
00:10:04,426 --> 00:10:05,760
Just to Victoria.
74
00:10:13,099 --> 00:10:13,932
The terminal.
75
00:10:13,933 --> 00:10:15,935
- The bus terminal?
- Yes.
76
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:35,243
- Is this suitcase yours?
- Yes.
77
00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:37,953
- Where are you from?
- From here, from Matamoros.
78
00:10:39,791 --> 00:10:41,750
- What do you do?
- I'm a driver.
79
00:10:41,751 --> 00:10:45,586
- Where do you work?
- At the Royal company.
80
00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:47,296
- Do you have any ID?
- Yes.
81
00:10:49,131 --> 00:10:50,090
And where are you headed?
82
00:10:50,091 --> 00:10:52,053
To the port in Tampico
to pick up a truck.
83
00:10:54,889 --> 00:10:56,223
- A company truck?
- Yes.
84
00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,767
What's your address?
85
00:11:00,185 --> 00:11:04,563
It's an address in the central district,
here in Matamoros.
86
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,607
Why's the address
on the ID in Guanajuato?
87
00:11:06,608 --> 00:11:10,276
The thing is, they haven't
given me a new ID for here.
88
00:11:10,277 --> 00:11:11,985
So here is where you lived before?
89
00:11:11,986 --> 00:11:13,362
- Here?
- This address?
90
00:11:13,363 --> 00:11:14,239
Ah! Yes.
91
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,949
You'll need to change your ID
as soon as possible.
92
00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:18,117
Of course.
93
00:11:18,952 --> 00:11:19,618
Next.
94
00:11:20,495 --> 00:11:21,661
- Is this yours?
- Yes.
95
00:11:21,662 --> 00:11:23,246
Has it already been checked?
96
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:25,039
Yes, it has.
97
00:11:27,376 --> 00:11:29,127
- What do you do, Miss?
- I'm studying.
98
00:11:29,962 --> 00:11:33,797
- Where are you studying?
- At the... I'm at high school.
99
00:11:35,133 --> 00:11:37,509
- Where are you going?
- To Tampico, Madero.
100
00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:39,886
- Reason for the trip?
- To visit my dad.
101
00:11:39,887 --> 00:11:41,470
- Is that where your dad lives?
- Yes.
102
00:11:41,471 --> 00:11:44,056
- What's your dad's address?
- It's on calle Rhin...
103
00:11:44,057 --> 00:11:46,808
Where the hospital is.
Behind the...
104
00:11:47,101 --> 00:11:49,687
By the Pemex wall.
Around there.
105
00:11:56,528 --> 00:11:58,112
Has your case
already been checked?
106
00:11:58,113 --> 00:11:59,780
Your colleague's already
checked it.
107
00:11:59,781 --> 00:12:01,740
- Reason for your trip?
- Business.
108
00:12:01,741 --> 00:12:03,409
- What's your job?
- Electrician.
109
00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:06,411
- Are you traveling for a company?
- Yes, for a company.
110
00:12:06,412 --> 00:12:08,746
- How long are you staying in Tampico?
- A week.
111
00:12:09,707 --> 00:12:11,999
Take your hands out
of your pockets, please.
112
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,085
- Is this your current address?
- Yes, sir.
113
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:13,665
They arrested me on March 2nd,
2010.
114
00:15:16,502 --> 00:15:18,961
That day, I got up at 6
in the morning.
115
00:15:19,296 --> 00:15:20,713
I showered,
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00:15:22,048 --> 00:15:23,257
made my lunch
117
00:15:23,633 --> 00:15:26,302
and woke up Leo
to give him a bottle.
118
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:35,393
I was working at Cancun airport,
in the immigration area.
119
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,067
I had already got started
on my work
120
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,945
which consisted of processing
incoming tourists
121
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,036
when a man
122
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,329
dressed in plain clothes
123
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,833
approached my passport
control desk
124
00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:05,046
and said to me "I need you
to go to the office,"
125
00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:07,672
"right now."
126
00:16:20,018 --> 00:16:21,852
When I got to the office,
127
00:16:21,853 --> 00:16:24,605
most of my colleagues
were already there.
128
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,901
They told us we were going
to have to go to Mexico City,
129
00:16:29,902 --> 00:16:31,276
there and then.
130
00:16:39,369 --> 00:16:40,618
And I said,
131
00:16:40,661 --> 00:16:43,955
"Oh well, that's just the way it is,
it comes with the job."
132
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,083
I asked them if it'd take long
133
00:16:49,004 --> 00:16:52,214
because I'd need to find somebody
to look after my son
134
00:16:52,215 --> 00:16:55,424
if I wasn't going to be back in time
for bed that night.
135
00:17:05,768 --> 00:17:08,521
When the plane landed
in Mexico City
136
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:13,733
I noticed that there were
20 police cars
137
00:17:13,734 --> 00:17:15,526
surrounding the plane.
138
00:17:19,363 --> 00:17:21,740
They took us directly
to the offices
139
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,450
of the Federal Investigation Agency.
140
00:17:26,787 --> 00:17:32,375
There were like 30 photographers
who began to take photos
141
00:17:33,711 --> 00:17:37,671
and a man,
a public prosecutor,
142
00:17:39,006 --> 00:17:41,257
who said we were there
143
00:17:42,593 --> 00:17:45,887
accused of organized crime
144
00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:49,183
and people trafficking.
145
00:18:00,027 --> 00:18:03,612
They took us to a place called
El Arraigo, the holding cells.
146
00:18:09,452 --> 00:18:12,329
It made the national news,
it was on the telly,
147
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:13,996
in the newspapers,
148
00:18:15,832 --> 00:18:20,294
"We've caught a gang
of people traffickers,"
149
00:18:21,129 --> 00:18:22,463
something like that.
150
00:18:33,389 --> 00:18:37,518
Once we were in the holding cells,
that's when they first took me down
151
00:18:37,519 --> 00:18:39,560
to my court-appointed lawyer...
152
00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:43,314
They provide the lawyer for you.
153
00:18:50,156 --> 00:18:53,658
I wanted to know who was accusing me,
what proof they had
154
00:18:54,994 --> 00:18:57,453
why this thing had blown up.
155
00:19:02,917 --> 00:19:04,543
And he said:
156
00:19:04,919 --> 00:19:07,254
"The National Institute
of Immigration"
157
00:19:07,255 --> 00:19:09,506
"has brought charges against you."
158
00:19:12,342 --> 00:19:13,592
And he said,
159
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:18,681
"Look, I know that your case
has come from the top"
160
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,849
"this is a political situation
where they have"
161
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:23,851
"to show they're getting results"
162
00:19:24,061 --> 00:19:27,479
"in their handling of people
trafficking, which does exist."
163
00:19:32,819 --> 00:19:35,112
"Here, we call you payers,"
164
00:19:38,115 --> 00:19:40,992
"people who pay
for other people's crimes."
165
00:19:46,749 --> 00:19:50,877
"We know you didn't do
anything but,"
166
00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:55,716
"well, somebody's got to pay."
167
00:20:02,555 --> 00:20:04,848
What on earth
can you say to that?!
168
00:20:10,146 --> 00:20:12,563
I remember that
I said to my sister
169
00:20:12,564 --> 00:20:17,025
"I don't know, do whatever
it takes but get me out of here."
170
00:20:28,369 --> 00:20:31,538
When I'd served the maximum
80 days in the holding cells
171
00:20:32,874 --> 00:20:35,208
they read us out
a paper that said:
172
00:20:36,543 --> 00:20:38,377
"Miss So and So"
173
00:20:41,715 --> 00:20:44,258
"will be transferred
to Matamoros prison."
174
00:20:56,605 --> 00:20:59,482
They handcuffed me immediately
175
00:21:02,318 --> 00:21:05,362
and put a black fabric bag
over my head.
176
00:21:23,212 --> 00:21:25,212
When we got to the prison
177
00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:29,800
we went along
a really narrow corridor,
178
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:32,094
where they asked me my name,
179
00:21:34,429 --> 00:21:35,429
my age.
180
00:21:43,774 --> 00:21:46,775
The guard who signed me in
told me
181
00:21:48,236 --> 00:21:52,698
to be on my best behaviour
and do everything that they told me.
182
00:21:57,035 --> 00:21:59,327
I didn't know
who she was talking about.
183
00:22:03,165 --> 00:22:05,041
There was a big courtyard
184
00:22:08,878 --> 00:22:10,838
and in this courtyard
there were
185
00:22:11,673 --> 00:22:13,132
something like...
186
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:16,051
25 men.
187
00:22:18,887 --> 00:22:20,555
Their appearance was
188
00:22:22,391 --> 00:22:23,515
very intimidating.
189
00:22:25,852 --> 00:22:29,730
They had machetes
and were carrying assault rifles.
190
00:22:37,070 --> 00:22:40,448
The first thing they told us
to do was to kneel down
191
00:22:45,288 --> 00:22:47,456
with our faces to the wall
192
00:22:50,292 --> 00:22:52,626
and they introduced themselves
193
00:22:57,465 --> 00:22:59,716
"This is the territory
of the Cartel,"
194
00:23:01,552 --> 00:23:04,179
"you're in a self-governing prison"
195
00:23:07,515 --> 00:23:10,142
"and we're in charge here".
196
00:23:15,648 --> 00:23:18,900
They told us we wouldn't
be staying there for free
197
00:23:21,069 --> 00:23:25,989
and that the fee for respecting
our lives was five thousand dollars.
198
00:23:34,331 --> 00:23:37,373
They tortured each of us in turn
199
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:46,634
they beat us with boards
on our bodies.
200
00:23:52,724 --> 00:23:55,518
They went from one person
to the next
201
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:59,354
with a note book
and a pencil or a pen
202
00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:02,816
"Let's see, your mother,"
203
00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:05,777
"your father - what are they called?
Where do they live?"
204
00:24:08,112 --> 00:24:10,614
They wanted our relatives'
phone numbers
205
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:13,032
so that they could start
sending money.
206
00:24:20,374 --> 00:24:21,540
And I...
207
00:24:24,877 --> 00:24:28,505
if I could have remembered
anybody's phone number
208
00:24:29,841 --> 00:24:31,423
maybe I'd have given it.
209
00:24:42,770 --> 00:24:45,813
Afterwards, another person arrived
210
00:24:45,814 --> 00:24:51,151
with a piece of paper
that had the whole family's name
211
00:24:52,988 --> 00:24:54,196
including my son.
212
00:24:58,033 --> 00:25:01,578
Which makes me think
that they were getting reports
213
00:25:01,579 --> 00:25:03,538
directly from the police.
214
00:25:10,878 --> 00:25:14,214
At one point,
they hit me on the head,
215
00:25:18,135 --> 00:25:20,802
a single blow
and I fell down at once.
216
00:25:52,667 --> 00:25:58,296
When I woke up I noticed
that I had a broken tooth.
217
00:26:00,633 --> 00:26:03,884
The pieces of the tooth
were still in my mouth.
218
00:26:13,727 --> 00:26:17,229
It was a totally dark room.
219
00:26:22,568 --> 00:26:25,904
I began to make out women's faces,
220
00:26:27,740 --> 00:26:30,574
their eyes, their features.
221
00:26:34,411 --> 00:26:40,669
It was a very small place
about one and a half metres by two.
222
00:26:44,506 --> 00:26:48,467
The heat was stifling, stifling.
223
00:26:58,434 --> 00:27:00,144
And somebody said to me
224
00:27:00,604 --> 00:27:02,771
"Hey! Are you awake now?"
225
00:27:04,148 --> 00:27:06,608
"The way it works here
is like this."
226
00:27:09,444 --> 00:27:12,613
"The last one to arrive fans air
for the rest of us".
227
00:27:14,950 --> 00:27:16,742
And I didn't understand...
228
00:27:18,077 --> 00:27:20,912
"Yes, yes, take off
your T-shirt and fan us".
229
00:27:23,332 --> 00:27:24,541
What?
230
00:27:26,377 --> 00:27:30,587
"Yes, take off your T-shirt
and fan us".
231
00:27:40,057 --> 00:27:42,975
I took off my T- shirt
and began to do it
232
00:27:44,811 --> 00:27:46,228
for hours...
233
00:27:51,567 --> 00:27:54,110
until somebody else arrived.
234
00:28:03,953 --> 00:28:06,704
All of us were almost always
on our feet,
235
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,876
we relieved ourselves
right there,
236
00:28:12,711 --> 00:28:15,087
in the same place
where we were standing.
237
00:29:30,489 --> 00:29:32,406
After three days...
238
00:29:33,242 --> 00:29:36,327
they took me out themselves,
carrying me,
239
00:29:43,253 --> 00:29:46,588
and took me to another cell.
240
00:29:54,887 --> 00:29:58,349
The first thing I saw was
an old woman,
241
00:30:00,184 --> 00:30:01,434
without any teeth,
242
00:30:02,395 --> 00:30:04,520
stark naked,
243
00:30:07,357 --> 00:30:08,899
skinny, skinny, skinny,
244
00:30:13,238 --> 00:30:14,612
who shouted in my face
245
00:30:15,447 --> 00:30:17,824
"Let me get some fucking sleep!"
246
00:30:24,205 --> 00:30:26,290
I started crying really loudly,
247
00:30:30,669 --> 00:30:32,713
someone got up and told me
248
00:30:34,548 --> 00:30:35,506
"Don't cry,"
249
00:30:36,341 --> 00:30:38,719
"be quiet,
otherwise you'll annoy them".
250
00:30:46,060 --> 00:30:48,519
I had no idea where
all the others were,
251
00:30:48,979 --> 00:30:51,105
the people I'd arrived with,
252
00:30:53,941 --> 00:30:57,444
I didn't know if my family
already knew where I was.
253
00:31:06,286 --> 00:31:07,660
I fell asleep.
254
00:31:14,001 --> 00:31:19,004
I woke up when a trolley came in,
and someone started shouting
255
00:31:19,965 --> 00:31:21,549
"Gruuuub's up".
256
00:31:24,385 --> 00:31:26,011
I sat on the floor
257
00:31:26,845 --> 00:31:31,974
watching the other women lining up
with a cup, a glass...
258
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,566
Until that toothless old woman
came back,
259
00:31:43,905 --> 00:31:47,406
sat down beside me
and looked into my eyes.
260
00:31:53,746 --> 00:31:56,082
She gave me some of her coffee
261
00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:05,297
and she gave me half of her bread.
262
00:33:25,829 --> 00:33:27,079
Grab it, Santis!
263
00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:30,207
Hang on - I'm admiring
the landscape here!
264
00:33:31,084 --> 00:33:32,710
It looks so pretty!
265
00:33:33,045 --> 00:33:34,377
Come on now!
266
00:33:36,215 --> 00:33:37,299
Wait!
267
00:33:47,642 --> 00:33:50,852
Everyday it's the same old thing
with this table...
268
00:34:16,292 --> 00:34:17,960
My name is Adela
269
00:34:21,297 --> 00:34:24,090
I have three children,
I'm mother to three children
270
00:34:25,425 --> 00:34:28,176
and although none
of them work in the circus,
271
00:34:29,012 --> 00:34:32,389
they certainly liked
their mummy being a clown.
272
00:34:33,307 --> 00:34:36,853
They used to come along with me,
they liked seeing me working.
273
00:34:40,690 --> 00:34:42,609
All my family are circus people
274
00:34:43,944 --> 00:34:45,111
my uncles,
275
00:34:45,112 --> 00:34:46,737
my brothers,
276
00:34:47,197 --> 00:34:48,613
my nephews.
277
00:34:49,949 --> 00:34:51,574
Since my grandparents' time,
278
00:34:51,575 --> 00:34:53,576
there've been several
generations of us.
279
00:34:57,914 --> 00:34:59,915
My dad was born in the circus.
280
00:35:00,750 --> 00:35:04,378
He was the one who taught us
to feel affection for this work.
281
00:35:12,718 --> 00:35:13,635
What's happened?
282
00:35:14,470 --> 00:35:17,472
Let's see, come here,
come here!
283
00:35:18,307 --> 00:35:20,100
What's the matter?
Why are you crying?
284
00:35:20,935 --> 00:35:24,061
Why are you crying?
What's the matter with you?
285
00:35:25,897 --> 00:35:27,939
- Nothing.
- Do you need to pee?
286
00:35:28,859 --> 00:35:29,817
No?
287
00:35:35,158 --> 00:35:37,074
Let's wake up Regis.
Regis!
288
00:35:38,910 --> 00:35:39,827
Regis!
289
00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:49,252
When my dad used to rehearse
with my uncles,
290
00:35:49,587 --> 00:35:51,587
we were their public.
291
00:35:54,425 --> 00:35:59,386
I was probably about
seven years old.
292
00:36:09,730 --> 00:36:11,021
Now then! Up, up, up,
293
00:36:11,397 --> 00:36:12,022
up.
294
00:36:12,482 --> 00:36:13,773
That's it!
295
00:36:13,774 --> 00:36:15,651
Run, run, run, run!
296
00:36:15,652 --> 00:36:18,195
That's it - run, run,
there's nothing the matter!
297
00:36:19,030 --> 00:36:19,988
Up!
298
00:36:21,323 --> 00:36:22,114
That's it!
299
00:36:22,115 --> 00:36:22,990
Down!
300
00:36:24,326 --> 00:36:24,950
Up!
301
00:36:26,285 --> 00:36:26,868
Down!
302
00:36:28,205 --> 00:36:28,913
Up!
303
00:36:29,748 --> 00:36:30,414
Down!
304
00:36:30,415 --> 00:36:34,503
I went to school like
all the normal children
305
00:36:36,505 --> 00:36:37,630
but...
306
00:36:40,967 --> 00:36:45,137
my dad said he wanted us
to rehearse
307
00:36:46,472 --> 00:36:48,223
so we started to rehearse
308
00:36:48,224 --> 00:36:53,770
like all the circus children
with acrobatics,
309
00:36:56,105 --> 00:36:58,148
and the way they taught us,
310
00:36:58,608 --> 00:36:59,982
it was
311
00:37:00,692 --> 00:37:03,445
a tougher discipline
312
00:37:05,030 --> 00:37:08,115
than it is today.
313
00:37:15,456 --> 00:37:16,164
Elephants.
314
00:37:17,083 --> 00:37:18,708
Elephants, elephants.
315
00:37:18,709 --> 00:37:19,542
Katy!
316
00:37:20,001 --> 00:37:21,126
Elephants!
317
00:37:27,467 --> 00:37:28,342
Katy!
318
00:37:28,468 --> 00:37:29,467
Elephants!
319
00:37:30,302 --> 00:37:31,930
That one is waiting for you!
320
00:37:33,891 --> 00:37:39,104
I remember that one time I fell over
and so then I kind of wanted to cry
321
00:37:39,105 --> 00:37:41,814
but they just said,
"Come on now, get up"
322
00:37:42,649 --> 00:37:44,566
as if I hadn't fallen over.
323
00:37:46,902 --> 00:37:51,155
In fact they might even give you
a great whack, like that,
324
00:37:51,156 --> 00:37:57,411
with those strong hands people
like that have hard, sturdy, rough.
325
00:37:58,745 --> 00:38:00,705
And I didn't like that.
326
00:38:02,667 --> 00:38:07,128
That was what made me
give up on rehearsing.
327
00:38:17,972 --> 00:38:18,762
Katy!
328
00:38:19,598 --> 00:38:21,140
It's your turn, Katy.
329
00:38:26,313 --> 00:38:27,646
That's it!
330
00:38:40,535 --> 00:38:43,077
That's it,
tuck your head right in.
331
00:38:43,912 --> 00:38:44,746
That's it.
332
00:38:45,122 --> 00:38:50,627
Being a clown is quite different,
it isn't easy either.
333
00:38:52,046 --> 00:38:56,173
It took years for me to find out
what my character type was.
334
00:39:00,218 --> 00:39:05,222
I really liked it when I found out
that my character was really
335
00:39:05,223 --> 00:39:07,849
that of an elegant clown,
336
00:39:08,726 --> 00:39:12,353
and I'm really proud of it because
337
00:39:12,354 --> 00:39:15,607
I'm the only one
with a character like my dad's.
338
00:39:18,943 --> 00:39:21,487
Stretch it more
pull it back further.
339
00:39:24,323 --> 00:39:26,825
More, more, more, more
as far as you can,
340
00:39:29,662 --> 00:39:30,538
stretch it.
341
00:39:31,499 --> 00:39:32,247
Let's see,
342
00:39:32,248 --> 00:39:34,750
I'm moving you
as if you were chewing gum.
343
00:39:34,751 --> 00:39:35,626
But hard.
344
00:39:35,627 --> 00:39:36,752
That's it.
345
00:39:37,587 --> 00:39:40,005
Ok, how are you going
to salute the audience?
346
00:39:40,006 --> 00:39:43,299
Elegantly
your head held high.
347
00:39:44,176 --> 00:39:47,803
Now to the other side
always very elegantly.
348
00:39:48,639 --> 00:39:49,722
Absolute elegance.
349
00:39:50,015 --> 00:39:50,765
That's it.
350
00:39:52,141 --> 00:39:53,392
To the other side.
351
00:39:55,144 --> 00:39:56,144
That's it.
352
00:40:01,483 --> 00:40:06,194
Remember, pull your legs
and hands at the same time.
353
00:40:09,031 --> 00:40:14,619
Hard, everything, everything hard
legs, buttocks, belly, everything.
354
00:40:14,620 --> 00:40:16,704
Ok? Right.
355
00:40:20,041 --> 00:40:20,915
Slowly.
356
00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:23,794
When I first became a mother
357
00:40:25,505 --> 00:40:30,093
I couldn't imagine just
how much you love a child.
358
00:40:34,347 --> 00:40:35,222
That's it.
359
00:40:37,559 --> 00:40:42,395
I immediately wanted
to breastfeed my child,
360
00:40:43,230 --> 00:40:44,272
to look after it.
361
00:40:47,526 --> 00:40:49,360
It's a transformation
362
00:40:50,695 --> 00:40:54,156
of love you've never
experienced before
363
00:40:56,241 --> 00:40:58,701
having that little creature.
364
00:41:02,581 --> 00:41:06,082
When you give that life
and see it growing
365
00:41:06,917 --> 00:41:08,918
every day, every day,
366
00:41:12,757 --> 00:41:13,965
time
367
00:41:15,425 --> 00:41:17,217
slips by, unnoticed.
368
00:41:28,645 --> 00:41:31,356
When you have a child
369
00:41:33,693 --> 00:41:36,320
that child is unique,
370
00:41:38,656 --> 00:41:40,782
one child can never
371
00:41:41,158 --> 00:41:43,201
replace another.
372
00:42:43,089 --> 00:42:44,589
That morning
373
00:42:47,511 --> 00:42:51,388
I saw the sunshine
for the first time after many days.
374
00:42:57,395 --> 00:43:00,020
It was as if everything
was brown,
375
00:43:04,108 --> 00:43:06,818
everything was tinged
with that color.
376
00:43:15,785 --> 00:43:19,328
I was firmly convinced that
I was going to end up dying there.
377
00:43:33,761 --> 00:43:37,680
It's like, when you come out
of the well,
378
00:43:37,681 --> 00:43:39,307
everybody knows it
379
00:43:41,143 --> 00:43:43,226
and they're all kind
of nice to you
380
00:43:44,646 --> 00:43:47,105
because all of them have been
there themselves.
381
00:43:51,319 --> 00:43:55,029
They gave me a bar of soap,
some toothpaste,
382
00:43:55,030 --> 00:43:56,196
a brush.
383
00:43:58,617 --> 00:44:00,868
And among the women
who came up to me
384
00:44:00,869 --> 00:44:03,077
was that little old lady again,
385
00:44:04,038 --> 00:44:06,705
she gave me a clean
T-shirt and said to me,
386
00:44:07,540 --> 00:44:09,375
"Have a shower you dirty pig!"
387
00:44:12,211 --> 00:44:13,295
She was called Juanita.
388
00:44:21,053 --> 00:44:22,887
Immediately afterwards,
389
00:44:23,847 --> 00:44:25,264
they sent for me
390
00:44:26,643 --> 00:44:29,478
and took me
to the men's section.
391
00:44:33,900 --> 00:44:37,985
The entrance
is very impressive because
392
00:44:38,820 --> 00:44:41,071
there was a gigantic poster
that said:
393
00:44:42,406 --> 00:44:46,785
"Abandon hope, all ye
who enter here".
394
00:44:52,123 --> 00:44:56,669
There's a wall with
a painting
395
00:44:58,004 --> 00:44:59,755
of Santa Muerte
396
00:45:01,590 --> 00:45:03,257
with a scythe in her hand.
397
00:45:06,594 --> 00:45:10,013
It's the size of a building,
I mean a three-storey building.
398
00:45:17,354 --> 00:45:21,399
At one end, I saw four men
399
00:45:23,735 --> 00:45:25,568
sitting at a table
400
00:45:28,408 --> 00:45:33,286
with very nice haircuts
really clean, ironed shirts.
401
00:45:34,621 --> 00:45:36,956
They really stood out
from the others.
402
00:45:40,793 --> 00:45:44,170
They were the bosses round there.
403
00:45:47,008 --> 00:45:49,049
And they said,
"Now then, sit down."
404
00:45:51,219 --> 00:45:53,970
"Do you understand how things
are going to work?
405
00:45:55,473 --> 00:45:58,058
"You're going to have to pay
for your stay here."
406
00:45:59,893 --> 00:46:02,729
"You do know we mean
this seriously, don't you?"
407
00:46:05,982 --> 00:46:10,444
"Until your family gets here
or you get in touch with them"
408
00:46:10,445 --> 00:46:13,863
"the rule here is that
the ones who've just arrived"
409
00:46:13,864 --> 00:46:16,323
"do all the cleaning
in the prison".
410
00:46:19,745 --> 00:46:22,288
That same day I started
to do the cleaning.
411
00:46:28,046 --> 00:46:33,008
The women's section
is like a tenement.
412
00:46:35,969 --> 00:46:39,304
I think there
were about 160 prisoners.
413
00:46:43,642 --> 00:46:46,186
There are no bars
in that prison
414
00:46:47,979 --> 00:46:49,980
nobody is locked in
415
00:46:51,649 --> 00:46:53,399
there are no uniforms
416
00:46:54,861 --> 00:46:56,612
there are no police.
417
00:47:02,575 --> 00:47:05,787
And there's really loud music
all the time
418
00:47:06,288 --> 00:47:10,582
there was a juke box
that cost a peso a song,
419
00:47:12,501 --> 00:47:16,087
everybody would be shouting
or there'd be somebody dancing.
420
00:47:16,922 --> 00:47:18,714
They are really cheerful.
421
00:47:32,896 --> 00:47:35,773
There were three
or four women
422
00:47:35,774 --> 00:47:38,274
who were the local prostitutes,
423
00:47:38,651 --> 00:47:41,820
you'd see them going out,
dressed up
424
00:47:41,821 --> 00:47:44,656
to the nines in miniskirts
and high heels
425
00:47:45,491 --> 00:47:48,575
and they'd go to what
they call the village,
426
00:47:48,868 --> 00:47:51,036
which is where the men are.
427
00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:59,001
There were restaurants
and a lot of shops.
428
00:48:00,963 --> 00:48:04,589
There was a cantina,
where you could drink beer
429
00:48:04,758 --> 00:48:06,466
and have a snack.
430
00:48:09,303 --> 00:48:12,179
A market,
a normal market
431
00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:14,014
where they sell fruit,
vegetables,
432
00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:16,474
there's a butcher's,
a poultry seller
433
00:48:22,106 --> 00:48:26,402
and there was also another part
where all the tattoo artists were.
434
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:32,074
Since the prison's on the border,
435
00:48:33,285 --> 00:48:36,703
there were lots of prisoners
from Central America
436
00:48:38,038 --> 00:48:39,622
and other countries.
437
00:48:49,007 --> 00:48:52,636
Once we'd paid our five
thousand dollars
438
00:48:53,887 --> 00:48:56,429
they demanded five hundred
dollars a week.
439
00:49:00,266 --> 00:49:04,812
These five hundred dollars
were the fee they charged you
440
00:49:05,354 --> 00:49:08,064
for protection against themselves,
441
00:49:10,483 --> 00:49:12,902
so that you'd he able
to stay alive
442
00:49:13,778 --> 00:49:15,738
until the next week.
443
00:49:19,618 --> 00:49:24,705
And they did keep their promise,
that once I'd paid
444
00:49:25,540 --> 00:49:29,127
nobody would ever
lay a finger on me again.
445
00:49:34,757 --> 00:49:40,345
The foreman in charge
of the women's section told me
446
00:49:41,639 --> 00:49:46,683
"If you lose a pin or
a hair-slide, tell me at once,"
447
00:49:47,018 --> 00:49:48,977
"because nobody steals here,"
448
00:49:49,853 --> 00:49:51,980
"any woman who steals goes
to the well."
449
00:49:56,109 --> 00:49:59,819
One of their most important
resources is fear.
450
00:50:03,492 --> 00:50:05,951
When my relatives began
to pay the money
451
00:50:06,911 --> 00:50:09,578
I knew that they weren't going
to kill me because
452
00:50:10,622 --> 00:50:13,998
I was a business for them,
and they were profiting
453
00:50:13,999 --> 00:50:16,126
from what my family gave them.
454
00:50:22,468 --> 00:50:24,760
Every Monday, the accountant
would turn up.
455
00:50:26,597 --> 00:50:28,223
We chatted once
456
00:50:29,641 --> 00:50:32,393
and he told me he really
was a proper accountant.
457
00:50:33,227 --> 00:50:35,144
He kept account books
458
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:40,650
where he would record
what Miss so and so paid this week...
459
00:50:42,986 --> 00:50:44,611
he'd come by
with his muscle...
460
00:50:44,612 --> 00:50:47,489
I mean with his gang of minders,
461
00:50:47,906 --> 00:50:50,242
charging, cell by cell.
462
00:50:52,078 --> 00:50:53,953
But he was a very nice man,
463
00:50:55,289 --> 00:50:58,123
so when he came along
he'd be a bit embarrassed, like...
464
00:50:58,582 --> 00:51:00,625
"Here I am again, madame..."
465
00:51:03,462 --> 00:51:05,463
I was told they had
kidnapped him
466
00:51:05,464 --> 00:51:07,840
to make him do
this accountancy work.
467
00:51:14,764 --> 00:51:18,933
You can get pretty much anything
there inside with money,
468
00:51:21,270 --> 00:51:24,231
If you have money,
you have things,
469
00:51:26,068 --> 00:51:27,484
you have respect,
470
00:51:28,820 --> 00:51:31,530
it gives you power
and it gives you safety.
471
00:51:33,365 --> 00:51:34,866
And everything costs.
472
00:51:37,703 --> 00:51:41,080
Actually, it's not so different
from here on the outside.
473
00:51:44,917 --> 00:51:47,626
People who have no money
have a very bad time,
474
00:51:48,962 --> 00:51:50,797
they're called sicarios -
475
00:51:51,631 --> 00:51:54,633
and they can get jobs
with people who do have money,
476
00:51:55,052 --> 00:51:57,802
working kind of like
their servants.
477
00:52:00,389 --> 00:52:03,350
But sicarios are also
the executioners,
478
00:52:04,185 --> 00:52:05,977
the ones who do the torturing.
479
00:52:24,496 --> 00:52:28,290
As the days and weeks
480
00:52:29,334 --> 00:52:33,711
go by things are no longer
as sordid as in the very first days.
481
00:52:35,630 --> 00:52:37,256
And you gradually
482
00:52:38,258 --> 00:52:39,926
start to relax.
483
00:52:42,845 --> 00:52:46,555
I started to see things differently,
484
00:52:47,557 --> 00:52:49,810
as if I was in their shoes.
485
00:52:54,523 --> 00:52:58,191
Juanita was the noblest
and sweetest woman
486
00:52:58,442 --> 00:52:59,859
I've ever met.
487
00:53:02,696 --> 00:53:05,406
And although sometimes
she seemed older
488
00:53:06,741 --> 00:53:08,242
she was only 47.
489
00:53:11,495 --> 00:53:13,122
She adopted me.
490
00:53:15,457 --> 00:53:18,709
She'd come to my cell and say
"It's time for our song now!"
491
00:53:20,964 --> 00:53:24,842
We'd go to the jukebox
and put on "Lamento de amor"
492
00:53:24,843 --> 00:53:26,343
by Rigo Tovar.
493
00:53:27,679 --> 00:53:29,512
She sang and wept
494
00:53:30,889 --> 00:53:32,640
every day.
495
00:53:37,479 --> 00:53:41,356
She always used to tell me Rigo
had written that song for her.
496
00:53:45,694 --> 00:53:49,030
And as soon as the song was over
we'd laugh
497
00:53:49,031 --> 00:53:52,450
but she'd carry on dancing
and lift up her skirt.
498
00:53:55,828 --> 00:53:58,705
I told her that when
I was a girl,
499
00:53:58,706 --> 00:54:00,832
they'd amputated one of my legs.
500
00:54:04,169 --> 00:54:07,629
She always told me
I was lucky because
501
00:54:07,630 --> 00:54:10,006
I'd never have to kick
the bucket.
502
00:55:20,615 --> 00:55:24,159
My second pregnancy
was really special to me,
503
00:55:26,079 --> 00:55:28,162
I was pregnant with Monica.
504
00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:35,628
My sisters used to say
they could see me coming
505
00:55:35,629 --> 00:55:37,545
before I'd even turned
the corner.
506
00:55:39,382 --> 00:55:41,966
I remember looking for clothes,
and not finding
507
00:55:41,967 --> 00:55:45,845
any that would disguise my belly,
my belly was absolutely enormous.
508
00:55:47,305 --> 00:55:53,476
All the women gave birth
at thirty-something weeks, 38, 37
509
00:55:53,477 --> 00:55:56,603
and there was I,
42 weeks pregnant.
510
00:55:58,941 --> 00:56:00,984
So I asked the doctor,
511
00:56:00,985 --> 00:56:03,944
"Listen, is my birth
going to be at all risky?"
512
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,698
He told me, "No, it's just
that your baby is still growing."
513
00:56:11,035 --> 00:56:14,328
I said "Oh well - the baby's
just going to grow even more!"
514
00:56:19,168 --> 00:56:20,544
On the day of the birth
515
00:56:20,545 --> 00:56:23,338
I was in the middle
of a performance
516
00:56:24,674 --> 00:56:27,425
when the pains started
517
00:56:28,468 --> 00:56:32,012
and I said, "OK, I'll finish
working first".
518
00:56:32,430 --> 00:56:35,224
I finished taking off
my make-up and everything
519
00:56:36,058 --> 00:56:39,394
and my brother took me
to hospital.
520
00:56:42,939 --> 00:56:45,649
While they were in the middle
of giving me a check
521
00:56:46,985 --> 00:56:49,653
I grabbed the last doctor,
who was on his way out
522
00:56:49,654 --> 00:56:51,654
I squeezed his hand and said,
523
00:56:51,655 --> 00:56:54,115
"Don't leave, because I'm about
to give birth."
524
00:56:55,950 --> 00:56:59,203
"No, no, you're not going
to give birth, wait a bit".
525
00:57:00,830 --> 00:57:01,955
And I told him,
526
00:57:01,956 --> 00:57:04,791
"Yes I am, I'm going to give birth
and you're not to leave."
527
00:57:10,130 --> 00:57:13,758
When they were wheeling me
along the corridor on a stretcher,
528
00:57:17,138 --> 00:57:18,972
at that moment
529
00:57:19,848 --> 00:57:21,224
she came out...
530
00:57:31,067 --> 00:57:32,526
She wept,
531
00:57:34,363 --> 00:57:36,279
she wept, in that first cry
532
00:57:41,117 --> 00:57:42,659
and that was something that...
533
00:57:44,537 --> 00:57:47,498
that was etched on
my memory my whole life.
534
00:58:08,892 --> 00:58:10,226
My daughter Monica,
535
00:58:11,978 --> 00:58:14,479
when she was in primary school
536
00:58:14,980 --> 00:58:17,317
she was learning baton twirling,
537
00:58:19,152 --> 00:58:21,655
so I made a suggestion,
538
00:58:21,656 --> 00:58:24,990
"listen child, would you like
to work with me in the show?"
539
00:58:26,910 --> 00:58:28,910
And she liked the idea.
540
00:58:31,331 --> 00:58:33,623
We worked together for a while,
541
00:58:34,250 --> 00:58:37,419
it was really nice because
she was the one who'd start.
542
00:58:39,170 --> 00:58:43,966
Monica performed with a great deal
of passion and tenderness.
543
00:58:49,888 --> 00:58:52,223
She was always very methodical,
544
00:58:53,558 --> 00:58:57,186
I don't know where she learnt
that because I never taught her.
545
00:58:58,020 --> 00:59:01,481
That's why I say she doesn't
take after me, but her dad.
546
00:59:06,319 --> 00:59:09,321
She was just about to finish
her Psychology degree,
547
00:59:09,322 --> 00:59:11,866
I think she only had one
semester left.
548
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:18,164
She had plenty of suitors,
but hadn't had a boyfriend yet.
549
00:59:45,523 --> 00:59:46,898
That fly just stung me.
550
00:59:46,899 --> 00:59:50,026
Don't talk, you can stay here,
but don't talk
551
00:59:50,027 --> 00:59:54,322
because your voice
mustn't be recorded, only ours.
552
00:59:56,158 --> 00:59:58,325
They say they're going
to do an interview.
553
01:00:03,246 --> 01:00:06,249
As the actresses say,
count me in 3, 2, 1.
554
01:00:06,250 --> 01:00:08,751
Hold it,
excuse me, sorry, sorry.
555
01:00:10,086 --> 01:00:12,003
No, but as they say...
556
01:00:13,339 --> 01:00:15,091
that's right, roll camera,
557
01:00:15,092 --> 01:00:15,884
ok, ok,
558
01:00:15,885 --> 01:00:17,886
but how do you do it, auntie?
559
01:00:17,887 --> 01:00:19,513
- With your fingers...
- Ok, ok!
560
01:00:20,848 --> 01:00:21,764
Auntie,
561
01:00:21,765 --> 01:00:23,807
Carla says: "Hey Auntie Lupe,"
562
01:00:23,808 --> 01:00:27,393
"Is it true that they have
a squirrel tail in there?"
563
01:00:30,232 --> 01:00:31,397
Who said that?
564
01:00:31,482 --> 01:00:33,483
A squirrel tail, of course...
565
01:00:34,318 --> 01:00:35,984
Leave your fleas alone!
566
01:00:37,445 --> 01:00:41,406
What fleas? My fingers are itchy
and I'm scratching them on my head...
567
01:00:41,407 --> 01:00:42,783
What, what, what?
568
01:00:44,118 --> 01:00:46,661
The worst of it is,
you've got the microphone on...
569
01:00:46,662 --> 01:00:49,789
Exactly!
I've been ready for a while now.
570
01:00:52,500 --> 01:00:55,627
Fede will say, hey,
the microphone
571
01:00:55,628 --> 01:00:57,712
is banging against your T-shirt.
572
01:01:01,049 --> 01:01:03,133
Oh stop messing around,
be serious.
573
01:01:03,134 --> 01:01:05,344
- Come on, be serious.
- Come over here!
574
01:01:06,179 --> 01:01:06,720
What?
575
01:01:06,721 --> 01:01:08,514
You're in the wrong place,
come here!
576
01:01:08,515 --> 01:01:11,182
I think you want me over
there so you can fart about;
577
01:01:12,142 --> 01:01:15,187
and the worst of it is
that I still do what you say...
578
01:01:15,313 --> 01:01:16,856
Carry on, carry on.
579
01:01:16,857 --> 01:01:19,526
No, don't carry on doing that, ok?
580
01:01:19,859 --> 01:01:22,069
Carry on and carry
on and this one...
581
01:01:22,904 --> 01:01:24,779
That's why she wants
to be near her
582
01:01:24,780 --> 01:01:26,990
because she's already
leaning over here to...
583
01:01:27,074 --> 01:01:28,491
ready to attack...
584
01:01:28,576 --> 01:01:30,743
Don't go talking about
that here.
585
01:01:32,580 --> 01:01:34,080
What's up with you?
586
01:01:36,916 --> 01:01:38,667
And why are you crossing
your legs?
587
01:01:43,506 --> 01:01:44,880
Take her to the toilet!
588
01:01:45,048 --> 01:01:46,465
Go to the toilet!
589
01:01:47,801 --> 01:01:50,969
If you've already crapped yourself,
don't piss yourself too, Lupe!
590
01:01:57,810 --> 01:01:59,351
Stop, stop.
591
01:02:02,230 --> 01:02:06,775
All these moments I spend with you,
do me so much good
592
01:02:06,776 --> 01:02:09,652
because when I leave
and I'm on my own...
593
01:02:10,070 --> 01:02:12,530
- You start laughing to yourself?
- No, it's different.
594
01:02:12,531 --> 01:02:15,242
No, because she doesn't have
anybody to laugh with.
595
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:19,330
I love you so much,
596
01:02:22,167 --> 01:02:26,002
I'm glad you're here with us.
597
01:02:32,426 --> 01:02:35,469
You know you've got
so much support from us.
598
01:02:36,304 --> 01:02:39,013
- I know, child.
- We're your family, auntie.
599
01:02:39,264 --> 01:02:40,557
I know, child.
600
01:02:44,895 --> 01:02:46,812
That's why I like
601
01:02:47,648 --> 01:02:51,567
these moments
I spend with you, they're special.
602
01:03:01,910 --> 01:03:05,329
And I know how much all of
you have always loved my daughter.
603
01:03:17,717 --> 01:03:20,135
But we're not going to be sad, ok?
604
01:03:21,971 --> 01:03:23,596
We're going to carry on laughing.
605
01:03:27,434 --> 01:03:29,977
But listen, they're announcing:
"Miss Piggie!"
606
01:03:30,145 --> 01:03:33,772
And there I am still one foot in
and one foot out of my costume.
607
01:03:34,607 --> 01:03:37,650
Run for it! But then there's
the steel wire
608
01:03:37,693 --> 01:03:39,444
the ropes are attached to...
609
01:03:39,487 --> 01:03:41,862
and fuck it!
I ended up over there!
610
01:03:41,905 --> 01:03:44,990
I went on stage with mud
all over my knee,
611
01:03:44,991 --> 01:03:47,867
but with a huge smile
on my face, feeling stylish.
612
01:04:16,479 --> 01:04:19,356
Up to here. Up to here.
613
01:04:19,357 --> 01:04:20,566
That's it.
614
01:05:54,734 --> 01:05:57,820
There's one image that's really
etched on my mind,
615
01:05:59,613 --> 01:06:03,659
the day I saw Juanita running
all around the courtyard
616
01:06:07,162 --> 01:06:09,579
in no particular direction,
like a madwoman.
617
01:06:15,713 --> 01:06:18,173
When she ran, it was as if,
618
01:06:19,508 --> 01:06:22,426
as if she couldn't recognise
where she was.
619
01:06:24,555 --> 01:06:26,722
She crashed against the walls.
620
01:06:28,808 --> 01:06:31,059
Like a hunted animal
621
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:35,771
that's reached the end
of the field and crashed;
622
01:06:35,772 --> 01:06:38,732
she went back, fell,
then ran again.
623
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:57,457
Leo represented my... strength.
624
01:07:00,295 --> 01:07:05,381
I liked to go behind the prison
and throw myself down on the grass.
625
01:07:07,842 --> 01:07:10,929
I imagined that Leo
was waiting for me
626
01:07:10,930 --> 01:07:13,932
and that he needed to hug me too.
627
01:07:20,272 --> 01:07:22,772
I imagined scenes with him.
628
01:07:24,651 --> 01:07:28,361
How it would be when
I got to see him again,
629
01:07:29,780 --> 01:07:32,448
mixed up at the same time
with a lot of fear
630
01:07:32,699 --> 01:07:35,994
at the thought that he might
not recognise me...
631
01:07:38,830 --> 01:07:43,207
That thought really
overwhelmed me.
632
01:07:51,550 --> 01:07:54,718
I was already part of the prison
633
01:07:57,095 --> 01:08:00,349
and felt some sense
of belonging to that place.
634
01:08:04,186 --> 01:08:06,686
Just when I was beginning
to feel that way
635
01:08:09,025 --> 01:08:10,275
something happened...
636
01:08:15,615 --> 01:08:17,823
It was Saturday and
a "prison crier"
637
01:08:17,824 --> 01:08:21,117
came to tell me
to go to the visiting booth
638
01:08:21,118 --> 01:08:23,496
because my lawyer was there.
639
01:08:26,832 --> 01:08:28,792
There were a lot of people
in the courtyard
640
01:08:29,627 --> 01:08:31,543
and I lost the "prison crier".
641
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:36,548
Then somebody showed me a way.
642
01:08:42,930 --> 01:08:48,184
It was like a really long passageway
and it was very dark.
643
01:08:53,523 --> 01:08:55,107
When I got to the end
644
01:08:56,441 --> 01:08:57,608
the door was closed.
645
01:09:01,947 --> 01:09:03,572
I leaned against the wall
646
01:09:05,908 --> 01:09:08,453
and opposite me
647
01:09:10,790 --> 01:09:13,208
there was a boy who was like,
648
01:09:14,043 --> 01:09:16,127
like 17 years old.
649
01:09:19,464 --> 01:09:23,467
He was a migrant,
you could see it at once.
650
01:09:26,303 --> 01:09:28,680
His hands were tied.
651
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:36,729
He looked at me,
652
01:09:38,648 --> 01:09:41,441
I remember that I thought
about his eyes,
653
01:09:45,279 --> 01:09:48,865
I thought they had the same look
as I had when I arrived.
654
01:09:52,201 --> 01:09:54,077
I knew what he was feeling.
655
01:09:58,416 --> 01:10:00,333
I asked him his name
656
01:10:02,502 --> 01:10:05,253
and he said "Martin".
657
01:10:14,598 --> 01:10:19,559
Just then, the door opened
and somebody pulled him in,
658
01:10:23,981 --> 01:10:28,234
all I saw was that Martin
fell to his knees,
659
01:10:30,403 --> 01:10:32,196
somebody in there
660
01:10:33,032 --> 01:10:35,741
had a board in his hands.
661
01:10:42,081 --> 01:10:43,164
That person
662
01:10:44,500 --> 01:10:45,750
raised his hands
663
01:10:47,086 --> 01:10:48,627
with the board in
664
01:10:50,963 --> 01:10:52,381
to hit him.
665
01:10:55,217 --> 01:10:56,968
And I closed my eyes.
666
01:11:08,314 --> 01:11:09,731
When I opened them
667
01:11:12,567 --> 01:11:14,360
Martin was dead...
668
01:11:22,202 --> 01:11:25,203
There was blood coming out
of his ears and mouth.
669
01:11:35,839 --> 01:11:43,176
That man who was there with
the board was completely delirious
670
01:11:44,096 --> 01:11:46,556
pacing this way and that
671
01:11:48,766 --> 01:11:52,059
and there was a moment
where we looked at each other,
672
01:11:52,060 --> 01:11:54,103
I looked him straight
in the eyes
673
01:11:55,440 --> 01:11:57,606
and there was nothing
in his eyes.
674
01:12:06,950 --> 01:12:09,703
Then, in the darkness,
I was able to make out
675
01:12:11,038 --> 01:12:13,122
bodies piled up in there.
676
01:12:24,633 --> 01:12:26,550
Everything became muffled,
677
01:12:31,764 --> 01:12:33,432
I felt as
678
01:12:35,768 --> 01:12:39,520
if something had broken in me,
something good.
679
01:12:50,531 --> 01:12:52,490
Such fear...
680
01:12:54,952 --> 01:12:57,036
That's what it's about.
681
01:13:37,824 --> 01:13:40,951
My daughter was 20
when they took her.
682
01:13:45,665 --> 01:13:47,332
It was a Tuesday.
683
01:13:54,256 --> 01:13:57,341
I left home very early that day,
684
01:13:59,218 --> 01:14:01,761
she was still in bed.
685
01:14:05,141 --> 01:14:09,186
My husband says she left
at around 10 in the morning.
686
01:14:10,313 --> 01:14:12,648
She had gone to university,
687
01:14:15,776 --> 01:14:17,903
she said goodbye to her dad,
688
01:14:18,071 --> 01:14:20,321
asked him for some money
and left.
689
01:14:27,453 --> 01:14:29,204
That afternoon,
690
01:14:30,164 --> 01:14:32,624
one of her
fellow-students called us;
691
01:14:32,625 --> 01:14:35,585
they were supposed to hand
in some work together,
692
01:14:37,921 --> 01:14:42,133
and she told my other daughter
that Monica
693
01:14:42,301 --> 01:14:44,217
hadn't turned up at school.
694
01:14:48,555 --> 01:14:51,724
It was approximately
4 in the afternoon.
695
01:14:58,564 --> 01:15:02,941
The first thing I thought was
that there must have been
696
01:15:03,151 --> 01:15:04,529
some kind of accident
697
01:15:07,741 --> 01:15:10,701
and that she might be
in a hospital somewhere
698
01:15:10,994 --> 01:15:13,828
or something like that.
699
01:15:17,250 --> 01:15:19,667
My husband went out
to look for her.
700
01:15:28,509 --> 01:15:29,259
When
701
01:15:31,095 --> 01:15:33,512
my husband arrived home
very late
702
01:15:40,854 --> 01:15:42,228
and told me...
703
01:15:47,567 --> 01:15:49,526
that there was no news of her
704
01:15:53,990 --> 01:15:57,575
not on the route she took
to school or in the hospitals,
705
01:15:59,495 --> 01:16:03,207
that there was no information
about my daughter anywhere,
706
01:16:11,590 --> 01:16:13,466
I lost my head because
707
01:16:14,301 --> 01:16:15,511
I was just jumping,
708
01:16:16,387 --> 01:16:17,887
jumping, jumping
709
01:16:23,726 --> 01:16:25,644
with all the desperation.
710
01:16:32,984 --> 01:16:34,985
I was jumping
like a grasshopper.
711
01:16:50,333 --> 01:16:52,751
Although my other children
were there
712
01:16:55,088 --> 01:16:57,213
I didn't see them.
713
01:17:18,569 --> 01:17:20,569
The whole family mobilized,
714
01:17:21,904 --> 01:17:25,030
we began looking
for Monica everywhere.
715
01:17:29,370 --> 01:17:32,329
Her fellow-student
Jesus Martin Contreras,
716
01:17:32,748 --> 01:17:34,956
who'd been her friend
throughout her degree,
717
01:17:35,791 --> 01:17:37,876
was very involved.
718
01:17:40,296 --> 01:17:42,964
He was in touch constantly
to find out
719
01:17:42,965 --> 01:17:44,882
what news we had of Monica.
720
01:17:48,094 --> 01:17:52,347
It was something
we found very striking.
721
01:18:01,230 --> 01:18:02,984
A few days later,
722
01:18:06,821 --> 01:18:10,406
they sent a message
demanding a ransom.
723
01:18:12,242 --> 01:18:14,577
Telling us that
if we didn't pay it
724
01:18:16,455 --> 01:18:18,955
they'd send her back
to us in pieces.
725
01:18:29,299 --> 01:18:32,676
We found a way of getting
the FIA to come to us,
726
01:18:33,511 --> 01:18:36,054
that's a police organization.
727
01:18:36,889 --> 01:18:41,726
They're supposed to be very good
at rescuing kidnap victims.
728
01:18:50,068 --> 01:18:52,861
And, in fact,
they came to the house
729
01:18:56,198 --> 01:18:59,199
installed some telephones.
730
01:19:02,540 --> 01:19:04,790
They told us that
we couldn't go out
731
01:19:04,791 --> 01:19:06,083
on the street now,
732
01:19:06,960 --> 01:19:11,295
that we shouldn't take
phone calls from anybody,
733
01:19:12,756 --> 01:19:16,092
and that we couldn't have people
coming round to the house.
734
01:19:21,430 --> 01:19:22,430
And...
735
01:19:23,765 --> 01:19:26,226
well, the days went by,
we waited,
736
01:19:26,519 --> 01:19:29,478
we waited for that call
but
737
01:19:31,314 --> 01:19:32,189
it never came.
738
01:19:38,612 --> 01:19:43,824
The FIA was in my house
for around six months.
739
01:19:47,369 --> 01:19:49,955
All that time,
they kept us there,
740
01:19:51,791 --> 01:19:55,001
we couldn't go out,
couldn't investigate,
741
01:19:55,002 --> 01:19:58,545
couldn't see anybody.
742
01:20:24,405 --> 01:20:28,657
I didn't speak for about
three or four days
743
01:20:34,496 --> 01:20:38,041
I was thinking about
that man who was there
744
01:20:38,417 --> 01:20:40,084
killing those people.
745
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:43,795
It was a confusion of...
746
01:20:46,632 --> 01:20:47,883
But how come?
747
01:20:55,765 --> 01:20:57,641
I already knew what...
748
01:20:58,476 --> 01:21:00,229
the worst that could happen
to me
749
01:21:02,065 --> 01:21:03,857
and how.
750
01:21:08,737 --> 01:21:12,073
And as my family isn't rich, so
751
01:21:13,450 --> 01:21:16,910
the time would come when they
wouldn't be able to pay any more.
752
01:21:25,251 --> 01:21:29,546
I began to think weird things,
like that the solution was
753
01:21:31,382 --> 01:21:32,924
to work for them.
754
01:21:36,762 --> 01:21:41,014
I had to find a way
not to be on this side,
755
01:21:41,099 --> 01:21:42,557
so vulnerable.
756
01:21:47,021 --> 01:21:49,438
The most important thing
in my life was
757
01:21:50,273 --> 01:21:51,691
to be back with Leo again.
758
01:21:59,534 --> 01:22:01,785
When I managed to leave my cell
759
01:22:05,622 --> 01:22:08,457
went to the tattoo artists' area
and there I was,
760
01:22:09,917 --> 01:22:13,920
along with all the others,
with the same needle...
761
01:22:14,255 --> 01:22:16,381
tattooing myself, just like them.
762
01:22:20,760 --> 01:22:24,513
It was as if some
of my fear had gone, too.
763
01:22:30,853 --> 01:22:36,232
I began to work out a way of
approaching these people and
764
01:22:38,068 --> 01:22:39,317
I talked to
765
01:22:40,194 --> 01:22:41,278
a woman
766
01:22:41,738 --> 01:22:43,529
who was
767
01:22:44,364 --> 01:22:46,867
an important leader
in their organization
768
01:22:48,702 --> 01:22:49,827
and
769
01:22:50,662 --> 01:22:54,789
I happened to notice that
she liked music and had a guitar.
770
01:22:57,126 --> 01:23:00,255
I often went to her cell
in the evenings to sing.
771
01:23:02,592 --> 01:23:05,051
I began to befriend her.
772
01:23:08,929 --> 01:23:11,557
Later, she told me
that once you belong
773
01:23:13,392 --> 01:23:15,351
you don't have to pay
the quota any more.
774
01:23:19,689 --> 01:23:23,859
And I actually started to think
that I was capable of doing things
775
01:23:24,694 --> 01:23:27,904
I'd never imagined,
I'd be able to do.
776
01:23:41,459 --> 01:23:44,836
Once, I went into
a Catholic church
777
01:23:47,047 --> 01:23:48,756
and kneeling,
778
01:23:49,674 --> 01:23:50,841
praying,
779
01:23:53,177 --> 01:23:54,302
I saw that man.
780
01:23:57,683 --> 01:24:00,852
He was begging and praying
with such passion!
781
01:24:03,688 --> 01:24:05,189
When he got up
782
01:24:06,024 --> 01:24:07,690
he went towards a bench
783
01:24:08,109 --> 01:24:11,237
and picked up a little girl
of about two
784
01:24:11,238 --> 01:24:13,029
and carried her in his arms.
785
01:24:16,075 --> 01:24:18,242
I became a bit obsessed with him,
786
01:24:20,704 --> 01:24:22,538
went looking for him,
787
01:24:24,374 --> 01:24:26,958
stood there watching
what he was doing.
788
01:24:28,794 --> 01:24:31,003
I'd often see him eating
in the canteen.
789
01:24:35,342 --> 01:24:37,884
When I saw him carrying
his daughter
790
01:24:39,846 --> 01:24:43,097
sharing out his food
among his family...
791
01:24:44,475 --> 01:24:46,934
Just like any father!
792
01:24:52,773 --> 01:24:55,733
I thought a great deal about
how he came to do that...
793
01:24:56,612 --> 01:24:58,613
to do that work, or...
794
01:24:59,073 --> 01:25:01,407
or what process
he went through
795
01:25:01,408 --> 01:25:05,369
to be able to
kill so many people and
796
01:25:07,706 --> 01:25:09,165
carry on living as normal.
797
01:25:18,506 --> 01:25:20,674
I wanted him to look me
in the eyes,
798
01:25:21,134 --> 01:25:23,218
to know that I had seen him.
799
01:25:25,554 --> 01:25:26,804
But no,
800
01:25:28,140 --> 01:25:29,307
it never happened.
801
01:25:53,662 --> 01:25:57,000
We've spent many years now,
looking for my daughter.
802
01:26:00,462 --> 01:26:02,838
It's been a very tough struggle,
803
01:26:05,174 --> 01:26:06,926
very painful.
804
01:26:11,263 --> 01:26:12,680
It's been 10 years.
805
01:26:19,020 --> 01:26:20,520
The authorities
806
01:26:21,856 --> 01:26:25,316
have extorted money from us,
they've lied to us.
807
01:26:30,781 --> 01:26:32,823
All this time,
808
01:26:34,659 --> 01:26:38,411
all the information
we have gathered,
809
01:26:41,248 --> 01:26:46,001
makes us think she's held by
a network of people traffickers.
810
01:26:51,840 --> 01:26:55,053
We know that Jesus was the one
who handed her over,
811
01:26:56,389 --> 01:26:58,681
Monica's university friend,
812
01:27:00,016 --> 01:27:04,811
and we know she was taken
by the sons of federal police.
813
01:27:08,649 --> 01:27:12,235
the FIA, federal police,
security forces,
814
01:27:13,569 --> 01:27:15,821
every so often their name
is changed
815
01:27:16,281 --> 01:27:17,990
but they're the same people.
816
01:27:22,869 --> 01:27:26,956
It's taken a long time for me
and my family
817
01:27:28,291 --> 01:27:33,920
to accept that they may have
taken her to prostitute her,
818
01:27:34,213 --> 01:27:36,047
or something like that.
819
01:27:40,969 --> 01:27:42,886
Even the thought of it
820
01:27:46,725 --> 01:27:48,057
is very,
821
01:27:48,267 --> 01:27:50,101
very hard to bear.
822
01:28:00,488 --> 01:28:04,532
The absence of a child drives
you out of your mind,
823
01:28:18,880 --> 01:28:22,673
You want to know there's
a little light somewhere there...
824
01:28:29,014 --> 01:28:30,306
she'll come back,
825
01:28:33,142 --> 01:28:34,809
they'll bring her back.
826
01:28:40,691 --> 01:28:44,443
I've always longed for that
moment where they say to me
827
01:28:45,278 --> 01:28:47,570
she's in a certain place,
828
01:28:48,405 --> 01:28:49,655
your daughter.
829
01:29:09,009 --> 01:29:11,968
The family I made for myself
830
01:29:15,807 --> 01:29:17,599
has changed completely
831
01:29:19,936 --> 01:29:21,227
because
832
01:29:21,520 --> 01:29:24,814
some time back, we had
to leave our home,
833
01:29:27,149 --> 01:29:29,443
we've spent time apart.
834
01:29:31,779 --> 01:29:36,615
We live in hiding as if
we were the criminals.
835
01:29:38,034 --> 01:29:42,371
In a way, we could say
we've gone underground
836
01:29:43,206 --> 01:29:45,498
because we're facing
death threats.
837
01:29:48,377 --> 01:29:51,754
This policeman's son and his group
838
01:29:51,755 --> 01:29:55,217
have threatened us directly
on the phone
839
01:29:56,553 --> 01:29:59,221
saying that
if we don't stop our search,
840
01:29:59,222 --> 01:30:03,559
if we don't agree to
just forget everything
841
01:30:03,852 --> 01:30:05,643
they're going to kill us.
842
01:30:11,983 --> 01:30:13,275
But at this point,
843
01:30:13,693 --> 01:30:16,736
at this stage in life, in this situation
844
01:30:20,073 --> 01:30:21,657
I'm not afraid.
845
01:30:22,075 --> 01:30:23,033
I prefer
846
01:30:24,368 --> 01:30:25,827
to go out and search.
847
01:30:30,166 --> 01:30:31,416
Death
848
01:30:32,751 --> 01:30:35,836
no longer troubles me.
849
01:32:42,411 --> 01:32:46,454
I would like to tell her
that I am waiting for her
850
01:32:50,379 --> 01:32:52,421
I want to see her smile.
851
01:33:02,931 --> 01:33:05,099
Listen to her voice again.
852
01:33:12,481 --> 01:33:15,482
I'm waiting for her with
arms wide open,
853
01:33:15,483 --> 01:33:17,401
to hug her again.
854
01:33:30,997 --> 01:33:34,915
And wherever she might be,
I want her to know
855
01:33:34,916 --> 01:33:37,836
that we won't stop until
she comes back to us.
856
01:34:31,219 --> 01:34:33,178
A month after
Martin was killed
857
01:34:34,513 --> 01:34:36,014
I got out.
858
01:34:43,854 --> 01:34:45,730
It was a feeling of...
859
01:34:47,067 --> 01:34:49,069
happiness and
860
01:34:51,030 --> 01:34:53,280
also a lot of sadness too.
861
01:35:01,665 --> 01:35:06,376
The FIA knew that the jail
was self-governing.
862
01:35:08,712 --> 01:35:10,714
I passed from the hands
of the police
863
01:35:10,715 --> 01:35:12,923
into the hands
of the Cartel.
864
01:35:14,259 --> 01:35:16,468
The police handed me over.
865
01:35:22,308 --> 01:35:24,350
I'm going home,
just like that?
866
01:35:26,186 --> 01:35:27,769
With all the deaths,
867
01:35:30,606 --> 01:35:32,065
all the pain.
868
01:36:54,976 --> 01:36:56,811
When I eventually...
869
01:36:57,646 --> 01:37:02,774
faced the fact of being alone
in my home with my son
870
01:37:07,612 --> 01:37:08,780
I begin
871
01:37:10,615 --> 01:37:11,740
to shut myself in.
872
01:37:15,577 --> 01:37:17,078
I thought that...
873
01:37:17,454 --> 01:37:20,540
if I left my house,
they'd arrest me again,
874
01:37:21,375 --> 01:37:24,460
they'd kidnapped me.
875
01:37:28,840 --> 01:37:32,592
I couldn't be in places where
there were a lot of people any more.
876
01:37:41,433 --> 01:37:45,103
Somebody else had to take Leo
to school because
877
01:37:45,938 --> 01:37:47,774
I was no longer able to.
878
01:37:58,201 --> 01:38:01,286
That thing that happens to me,
the trembling,
879
01:38:02,621 --> 01:38:05,205
which has been happening
since Martin was killed,
880
01:38:07,041 --> 01:38:09,751
it's a trembling
that I can't control,
881
01:38:12,088 --> 01:38:14,589
my whole face falls apart.
882
01:38:22,931 --> 01:38:27,893
Sometimes I even catch myself
talking to him.
883
01:38:32,231 --> 01:38:33,981
Martin is still here,
884
01:38:34,816 --> 01:38:36,108
with me.
885
01:38:49,956 --> 01:38:54,042
For many months
I slept with Leo in my arms.
886
01:38:58,881 --> 01:39:04,343
He got used to sleeping like that,
the two of us, feeling afraid.
887
01:39:22,693 --> 01:39:24,361
But there was a point
888
01:39:25,279 --> 01:39:26,571
when I realised
889
01:39:27,448 --> 01:39:29,823
what I was doing to my son.
890
01:39:37,165 --> 01:39:41,334
I realised that I couldn't let
the damage spread to him.
63884
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