Original subtitles

Daddy.

- Daddy, are you home? - Maybe he isn't.

Of course he is. Daddy!

- Find him? - Does it look like I found him?

Well, I just thought...

Dad!

Don't worry about your father, Barbara. I'm sure he's all right.

I don't know.

- Honey, I'm sure... - Daddy!

Daddy, are you there?

Stanley, we shouldn't have left him alone.

Honey, he wanted to come here. Now don't get yourself all upset.

- Stanley. - Okay, I'm coming.

I told you over and over he shouldn't be left in this house alone.

It's too big for a man in his condition.

He wanted to be left alone.

You always take his side, don't you? Daddy!

Who the fuck are you?

- Where you going? - What's your outfit?

I don't know.

- How come you don't know? - I just moved up.

- Let me see your dog tags. - Let me see it.

- Where are they? - I can't find them.

He's a Kraut.

- He don't look like one. - I'm not! I'm an American.

- Prove it! - Prove it?

- Who plays third for the Tigers? - Tigers?

The Detroit Tigers!

- Who is it? - I don't know.

- Why ask him? - It came into my head.

- You guys go on without me. - Where's your weapon?

- I don't have one. - Everybody's got one.

I'm a chaplain. I'm an assistant chaplain.

- What's your name, soldier? - Pilgrim.

You know why this has got three sides on it, Pilgrim?

- No. - Makes a slit that don't close up.

That's great.

You stick a GI knife in a guy, it makes a slit, right?

- Right. - Slit closes up, right?

Right.

This makes a three-sided slit.

It kills you, Pilgrim.

What's that?

Chaplain's assistant.

No shit! What's your name?

- Pilgrim. - Pilgrim.

You know how to pray? Start praying!

- Where the hell are we, Corp? - Belgium, stupid.

Don't fuck around. You tell Paul Lazzaro where we are.

In the middle of Krauts, you wop asshole.

You got us here. Get us out!

"Our Father, who art in heaven hallowed be Thy name

"Thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

"Give us this day our daily..."

Beyond the trees, on the other side is a farmhouse.

Listen, you go on without me. I'll be all right, honest.

I'm gonna scout that farmhouse, you hear?

And if it's clear, I'll fire my carbine three times, spaced. You got it?

Got it.

That son of a bitch ditches us, I'll kill him.

- We could surrender. - What?

We could surrender, couldn't we?

- We'd just have to stay here... - Now, you listen to me.

Me and the corporal and the dago, we're Americans.

We don't surrender, you got that?

He's took off.

That corporal.

He'll get back home after the war.

He'll be a big hero.

Dames will be climbing all over him.

A couple of years will go by...

and one day, there's gonna be a knock on his door...

and there'll be this stranger.

"Paul Lazzaro sent me," the stranger will say...

then he'll pull out a gun and shoot his pecker off.

Stranger will give him couple of seconds to think about who Paul Lazzaro is...

and what life's going to be like without a pecker...

then he'll shoot him once in the guts and walk away.

Yes.

Billy...

you time-tripping again?

I can always tell, you know, when you've been time-tripping.

You were back in the war, weren't you?

Time-travel is a bitch for you, isn't it? Particularly the war.

- I can't help it. - Well...

why don't we see if old Mother Montana can't keep you stuck right here for a while?

- How about a little kiss? - A little kiss?

A little kiss.

- A little kiss. - A what?

- A little kiss. - You fucking faggot!

- What's the matter? - You fairy!

Oh, yeah, the faggot's got a hard on.

Cut it out.

What's the matter, faggot?

I was thinking of a girl.

He said he wanted to kiss me. Let's kill him.

- Give me the knife! - Come on, you guys.

I was imagining things.

Come on, will you?

Kill him!

Billy, you're wonderful.

I'm so glad I waited.

I'm glad we waited, too.

Otherwise, it wouldn't have seemed the same tonight.

No, it wouldn't.

It starts the whole marriage off on the right foot.

Yeah.

I know when you were in the war you must've had experiences.

Well...

No, don't tell me about them! It was wartime.

Anyway, it's different for a man than for a woman. I understand that.

I'm just so glad we waited.

So am I.

And you know what?

I'm going to lose weight just for you, Billy.

See, before, I needed a reason, and now...

I have one.

Hey, Billy.

I think we've begun the life of a new hero.

- How can you tell? - Because I'm a woman.

Huh.

- And you know what, Billy? - What?

I never thought anybody would ever marry me.

I did.

Oh, Jesus! Stay off my feet, will you?

Stop right there!

You step on his feet again, you son of a bitch, and I'll break your ass! You hear me?

Over here.

Good. Hold it.

Look out here now.

Can you get the sign in there?

The sign's in.

- Look at the camera and smile. - Looks good.

- Hold it right there. - Big smile now. Big smile!

Hey, that's good! Hold that!

We got it!

All you dog faces from the 451st over here.

Fall in here. It's your old colonel, boys.

It's Wild Bob.

451st?

You from the 451st?

Some of you boys must be from the 451st!

You, soldier. I know you, don't I?

- What's your name? - Pilgrim, sir.

Pilgrim! Of course, I remember you.

Damn fine rifleman. Fine rifleman, Pilgrim.

One of the best in the 451st.

First in peace, first in war, and first...

Get your hands off me! An officer's place is with his men!

My men need me, and I'm staying with them!

Don't worry, it's your old colonel, boys. Wild Bob is with you.

No formalities. At ease.

By God, Wild Bob's proud of you.

There are dead Germans all over the place wishing to God they'd never...

I'm staying with my men.

All right. God bless you, boys.

Bless you, boys.

By God, boy, you're a good soldier.

You'll come through this all right, you'll see.

When you get to Cody, Wyoming, just ask for Wild Bob.

We'll have one hell of a reunion.

God bless you, boys.

A fag frolic in Wyoming. I'll be there, Pilgrim, waiting for you.

This ain't so bad. I've been in a lot worse spots than this.

Troy. Winter of '37.

Cold? I'll tell you!

Or take the time Joe Watkins and me decked the yard bull at White River Junction.

Had us in the pen for three weeks in our skivvies.

Would have had pneumonia if we hadn't jumped the place.

They took us up to Burlington to check us out.

Last I heard, Joe was somewheres on the Allagash.

You try that sometime, pal.

You try that sometime in February, 1934...

then see if you think this is so bad.

There are plenty of worse places.

Plenty of worse places, believe me.

He was at the top of his class in optometry school when this happened.

I don't doubt it, Mrs. Pilgrim.

The doctor says it's nervous exhaustion.

I'm sure that's all it is.

I think it's the war.

That certainly could have a lot to do with it.

He had some awful experiences.

He was in Dresden when it was bombed.

His closest friend was killed there.

Dreadful.

Of course, his father passed on, you know, while Billy was in training.

But I knew God would send Billy home safe to me.

I prayed every night, Mr. Rosewater.

Even though we don't belong to a church of our choice.

We're all in God's hands, dear.

Billy, Mama's here. You can come out now.

He's engaged to a very rich girl.

Her name's Valencia. Valencia Merble. Her father's Lionel Merble.

He owns the Ilium School of Optometry where Billy was going.

He's also building a brand-new home for them on the lake for a wedding present.

It's a surprise.

Billy, sweetheart.

The war is over. You can come out now.

Pilgrim! You killed me, Pilgrim.

You son of a bitch.

You call my mum and dad in Pittsburgh.

You tell them I died and that you killed me!

Weary.

This is Paul Lazzaro.

I'll get revenge for you.

- Lazzaro. - Yeah.

Did I ever tell you what happened to the dog?

Son-of-a-bitch dog bit me, so I got some steak.

And I got me the spring out of a clock, and I cut that spring up into little pieces.

I stuck it into the steak. Way inside. I went to where they had that dog tied up...

and I said, "Hey, boy...

"I'm not mad, let's be friends."

I threw him the steak and I waited around for around 10 minutes.

And he started crying, and the blood spilled out of his mouth.

He tried to chew out his own insides, and I said:

"Hey, boy.

"That's me inside there, with those knives."

Anybody asks you the sweetest thing in the world...

it's revenge.

Weary's dead, Pilgrim.

This patient has been suffering from a trauma...

which we think can be successfully treated by electric shock.

- Hello, Billy. - Hello.

We've prescribed a series of 12, and we're up to number seven.

He was a prisoner of war in Dresden when it was bombed.

He claims that well over 100,000 people were burnt to death in the fire.

Worse than Hiroshima.

And since Billy was actually there it's natural to assume...

that this has had a contributing effect on his present condition.

- He's ready, Doctor. - You're going to sleep now, Billy.

- Name? - Paul Lazzaro.

That's two "Z's."

Parents?

I don't got no family. I said two "Z's."

To whom we send the number in case of death?

Send it to him.

This is your tag. Don't forget it.

Name?

Parents?

You want it now, Pilgrim? Or in the morning?

What do you want?

Why me?

Oh, you're on my list, pal.

Gear it down, fella. These Germans can be awfully mean.

Oh, yeah? They don't know Paul Lazzaro.

Listen. We Americans have got to stick together.

- Who are you, pop? - I'm Edgar Derby.

Well, I got something for you to stick, Derby.

All right! All right!

Don't do that! I'm taking them off! Leave me alone, I'll take them off.

Aufstehen your ass. Will you leave me alone? I'm warning you, pal.

All right, son. Over here.

Here we go, Billy boy. I'll take you out.

Time to sink or swim!

That's the way to do it, Pilgrim. Best thing for him.

Here we go.

By God, Pilgrim. You're really going to do it.

You bet your boots I'm going to do it.

His mama's not going to keep him all his life.

My old man did the same to me. I'll never forget it. Done me a world of good.

You bet! It's the only way!

This is it, Billy boy. It's sink or swim!

And don't...

Billy?

Billy?

Billy!

- Who are they? - They're Russian prisoners.

Hail, hail the Yanks are here

Join the men from Dover till the war is over

We will be welcome here

With a little food and cheer

You're welcome here

To share our food

and cheer

Evening. Come along inside.

We've organised a little welcome for you.

We were lucky to have a couple days' notice of your arrival...

gave us an opportunity to prepare.

Hear you had a pretty beastly time in the Ardennes. Jerries put on quite a show there.

It can't last forever, can it?

- Where'd you get all this? - Red Cross. Clerical error.

They've been sending us 500 parcels a month, instead of 50...

for three years now.

- We've got rather a lot. - Shouldn't you tell?

Shouldn't you give it back?

Oh, Yank. You haven't been in the fight for very long, have you?

Come along. I keep forgetting wars have always been fought by children.

- Where did you get this absurd garment? - They gave it to me.

- Who? - The Germans.

They didn't give you a coat, they gave you an insult.

Hey, son, over here.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Jerry tried to humiliate you.

Now, you must wear that coat as if you were proud of it. Teach him a lesson.

It's terribly important that you understand that.

It's been four years since I was taken prisoner.

True of most of us here.

We haven't seen a woman or a child in all of that time. Think about that for a minute.

Well, do you want to know how we survived?

I'll tell you.

The day that I was captured...

I made a promise to myself.

I vowed that each day I would brush my teeth, shave my beard...

wash my hands and face before each meal, evacuate my bowels...

with as much regularity as circumstances will permit.

Do you know why?

Because the war consists of continual petty humiliations.

And I for one was going to treat myself with a good deal of self-respect and survive.

Do you think you can do it?

Get it! Come on.

Billy, lunchtime, hon.

Okay, I'll be right in.

Spot, sit. Sit.

That's it. Stay.

Now, Spot, heel.

That's it. Good dog.

- Billy! - Yeah?

Want a little snack, hon?

- Be right in. - Okay.

Spot.

Spot!

Come on, Spot, you can do it.

Come on, boy! Come on, Spot.

Come on.

Come on, boy. Come on, jump in!

Come on, boy! Come on, jump! Attaboy!

Good dog, Spot!

Billy!

- Billy! - Yeah?

- Suppertime, hon. - Be right in.

Spot, sit up. That's it.

Look at that, just look.

Now, roll over, Spot.

Attaboy! Isn't he great?

Where's Daddy? That's right.

Where's Mummy?

- That's right. - Hi, Spot!

Billy, get that goddamn mutt out of here.

Get him out of here. Out!

Poor Bobby.

I can't stand that animal.

He's ruined three carpets, two pairs of shoes, he's driving me crazy.

You're okay, Spot.

You make a little mistake now and then, but you're okay.

You got heart.

Yeah. Old Spot.

Pilgrim.

Pilgrim.

Can you hear me, Pilgrim?

Can you hear me, Pilgrim? When do you want it?

When do you want it, Pilgrim?

You'll never know when it's gonna happen, maybe years...

- All right, son. - This pork chop killed a friend of mine.

- I didn't. I just... - This man is sick.

- Yeah? He's going to be dead. - Out.

- You want to make the list? - Outside, Lazzarino.

- Lazzaro! L-A-Z... - Out!

You threaten this man again, I'll break you in half.

- You all right? - Don't ever answer the door, pop.

You tell him what happens. Nobody fucks around with Paul Lazzaro.

You tell him!

Boy's all twisted up inside.

- Feeling better? - Yes, thank you.

What's he got against you?

He's got this crazy idea that I caused his friend's death. I didn't.

I'm sure you didn't.

I'll talk some turkey to that boy.

What happened to me?

You passed out back there, I brought you in here.

Here. Try some of this.

This will fix you up.

Kind of hot.

Thank you.

Attaboy. Taste pretty good?

You don't have to stay.

What the heck. I might as well.

I got some food when I was back there.

I don't mean to be impolite, but how come you're in the Army?

I couldn't stay out.

Not with the Nazis and the Japanese threatening to conquer the world.

As a matter of fact, I've got a boy your age seeing action in the South Pacific.

- Hey, that's really something. - Yeah.

I used to tell my students there's a monster loose in the world.

One day I got tired of telling them, I said goodbye and I joined up.

- I thought you were a teacher. - Come on.

You have that confidence and a very good way with words.

I'll tell you one thing, son. We don't mince phraseologies...

at Boston Trade and Industrial.

Oh, boy.

I wonder if my father were still alive if...

I don't think he would've...

Don't you ever sell him short, son.

Mum would never have let him.

You couldn't blame her, could you?

But then, I'm lucky, I guess.

Margaret's a very understanding woman.

We were childhood sweethearts.

- Hey, that's nice. - You got a girl back home?

No one special.

Margaret's the only woman I've ever known.

There's Margaret.

She looks awful nice.

She's just about everything a man could ask for.

What's this?

That's my mum in our backyard.

You have a very nice-looking mother.

- Yeah, she is. - Very nice.

- That's a nice house, too. - That's the back.

It's a nice yard.

Nice.

Why did you enlist?

It wasn't quite like that. See, I was drafted.

It's not that I didn't want to go, I just wanted to finish school first.

Where were you in school?

First year, the Ilium School of Optometry.

An optometrist. That's a very good field.

Yes, it is, 'cause you're doing things for people...

and there'll always be a need for optometrists.

Boy, what you just said, son, is a very good philosophical way of life.

What?

I mean, about filling a need and helping people.

Why, that's self-determination and free enterprise backing itself up all the way.

That's why we're in Europe stopping Hitler.

My name's Edgar Derby, son. What's yours?

- Billy Pilgrim. - Billy, it's nice to have you aboard.

- Thank you. - You had enough of that?

Yes. Thank you.

The English gave me these boots for you.

Don't mind the silver paint.

They did that for a skit they were putting on about Cinderella.

It was darn funny. It was a lot of singing and dancing and crazy stuff.

Hell, I admire the English.

They have a great philosophical way of life.

Keep themselves going. Putting on shows, Gilbert and Sullivan.

What's this?

Happy anniversary.

Oh, Billy.

A diamond! Why did you do it?

God, honey, when I go on this diet, just for you...

I'm going to be so sexy. I'll make you so happy. Just wait and see.

Look. Isn't it divine?

This diamond has a story to it.

Billy actually found it in Germany, during the war.

Billy, tell them about it. Go ahead, darling, tell them.

Billy's too modest. Well, I'll tell you.

When he was a prisoner in this dreadful...

- Good boy, Billy. - Thanks.

- Congratulations. - They gave him an awful coat.

What was his name, hon?

- Who? - The one killed in Dresden.

- Edgar Derby. - That's right.

Poor old Edgar Derby. That was really awful.

They shot him for... What was it, Billy?

Anyway, before that...

they found this diamond right in the pocket of Billy's coat.

Lord knows how it got there, and Lord knows why somebody didn't find it before.

It probably came from some poor old Jew they had taken it away from.

So many of them have their money in diamonds.

Jesus, Dad, I'm on the john.

My God, Robert, there's a party downstairs, why don't you lock the door?

'Cause Mum broke the lock last time I locked it, that's why.

- Can't I have any privacy? - What have you got there?

- Where? - There!

You shouldn't be reading that kind of junk, Robert.

Jesus!

Lads. You're ready, Billy?

Billy, over here.

Can I have your attention?

Please!

You're being transferred to a camp in Dresden.

You're going to be leaving for there this afternoon.

Actually, I'm quite envious. Dresden is a beautiful city.

Paid a visit there myself before the war.

Besides being quite lovely, it's also quite safe.

It's an open city...

without war industries or troop concentrations.

It's by far the safest place to be in, until we get this all over with.

Now, then, you must elect a leader.

He's going to be in charge of all this group.

You'll all be under his direct orders.

He will be your line of communication with the Germans.

Nominations are now open.

You need a leader.

- I nominate Paul Lazzaro. - Lazzaro? Right.

Anyone else?

I nominate Edgar Derby.

Anyone else?

You'll be responsible, all of you, to this man you elect.

He'll be responsible to the Germans.

So, if you mess him up...

- he's the one they're going to be after. - Oh, yeah?

Hey, pop, you want it so bad, you got it.

I un-nominate Lazzaro.

I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone...

when I introduce our Lions Club President for the coming year.

Our own Billy Pilgrim.

Stand up.

Oh, shut up, will you?

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Mr. Walters, fellow Lions.

I want you to know that I'll do my best to live up to...

...the confidence you showed by chosing, choosing...

by having chose me here today.

I know that my first responsibility...

is to try and see that every one of you gets through this safely...

and are reunited with your loved ones.

I'd like to ask you...

I know we're all of different faiths...

but we're all Americans...

...to bow our heads together for a moment and pray.

Oh, go take a flying fuck, will you?

If that isn't the most obscene, vulgar...

Is my bath ready, Silvio?

Yes, mistress.

My robe, Silvio.

Honestly, to show this kind of junk at a family drive-in. It's disgraceful.

Why do you avert your eyes from me, Silvio?

Why you wanted to take the children to it is beyond me.

Massalina can give you salvation from...

Robert! You shouldn't see that!

Mum!

Do you find Massalina unattractive?

- Gross! - Wow!

That's it. That's enough.

They showed more than that in health class.

Billy, take us home!

I don't want to hear another word out of you.

Shit!

I will not tolerate that kind of language, God damn it!

I am not going to subject myself to that filth up there...

or allow my children to be subjected to it. That is the end of that.

Billy, I am talking to you!

Come on.

Silvio.

Billy!

Billy.

Billy.

Come here.

See how you like this.

"Dear Maggie, we're on our way to Dresden...

"where we'll have to do some work for the Germans.

"It won't be war work, because the Geneva Convention prohibits that.

"Besides, there isn't any war production in Dresden.

"Dresden is the town where our little porcelain dancing figure came from.

"Remember the one that Johnny knocked off the table and broke?

"Dresden's never been bombed because it isn't a military target...

"so we'll be safe there.

"Please write to Johnny and give him all my love.

"And tell him I know we'll all be back together again soon.

"Tell him how proud I am of him."

Where is he?

Your boy's in the car, Mr. Pilgrim.

He's the only one we actually caught.

They knocked over 14 gravestones, all told.

I just can't understand why he'd do such a thing.

Has he ever said anything about Catholics?

Has he anything against them?

- No. We've got a lot of Catholic friends. - What will the McNalleys think?

Billy, what are we going to say to the McNalleys?

Mr. Pilgrim, could I see you for a moment?

My God! Why did he do it?

Mr. Pilgrim, I don't want to take the boy down to the station.

It might be embarrassing to you. We could handle it some other way.

Thank you very much, Officer.

If you can get the damages from the church, I'd pay for that.

I'll see what I can do about that.

And I'd like to show my appreciation by giving you this for the Policeman's Fund.

You don't have to do that, Mr. Pilgrim, but it's very generous of you.

I'll call you after we've been able to determine the extent of the damages.

What's the matter, Billy?

You must be the greatest father in the world.

I love my son, Billy.

Guess that's all it takes.

Hey, you guys, we're there.

That's beautiful.

- I never saw anything like it. - It's lovely.

It's the Land of Oz.

Ich bin the American commandant.

These men... I'm the American...

Guess we better go across. Okay, men. Everybody on the other side.

Ich bin the American commandant.

Perhaps you understand English. Back at the camp, the men chose me...

Go back in line.

I was told to take charge.

Okay, fellas, move out.

Don't fool around with any ooh-la-las in Montreal.

How can I cheat with your old man around?

That won't be so hard. We just make an agreement.

- You don't talk, and I don't talk. - Daddy, shame on you.

Come on, Billy, we're on our way.

- Bye. Take care. - Bye, Val.

- Have a good time. - Thanks.

- Bye, sweetheart. - Bye, hon.

- Have a good time. - Okay.

Bye.

Sure I know there's gonna be meetings, a little business.

I really mostly wanna see you enjoy yourself.

By God, you deserve it. You really do.

You want me to tell you a secret?

I wouldn't tell anybody this, of course, but...

when Valencia brought you home and wanted to marry you...

to tell you the honest-to-God truth...

I thought she'd brought home a first-class loser.

I really thought that. But you proved me wrong.

The plane is gonna crash.

Come on, Billy boy.

In 25 minutes, the whole thing cracks up.

You can't get out of your seat.

Stop the plane, please. It's gonna crash.

- Back to your seat. - I organised this charter.

I am responsible. But you don't understand.

We've got our clearance for takeoff. Everything will be all right.

Buckle in and leave the driving to us.

Lousy drunk son of a bitch.

God, I hate these charter flights.

Oh, there's a change in the weather

There's a change in the sea

So from now on there'll be a change in me

My walk will be different My talk and my name

Are you sure you feel all right, son?

That sure was a lousy joke you pulled back there.

About the plane crash. What kind of joke is that?

- I'm sorry, Dad. - Forget it.

Stewardess, bring this young fellow another drink.

There'll be some changes made today

...This is Schlachthof fuenf.

Fuenf is English five.

Schlacht is slaughter.

Hof is house.

...Schlachthof-fuenf: Slaughterhouse-five.

Your house.

The rules of the Geneva Convention prohibit...

You must learn the address, for your own well-being.

In event of emergency, .. you will say Schlachthof-fuenf.

Say it, please. Schlacht.

Schlacht.

- Hof. - Hof.

...Fuenf.

...Schlachthof fuenf.

...Schlachthof fuenf.

...Schlachthof fuenf.

...Schlachthof fuenf.

I'm coming, Billy. I'm coming.

I'm coming to you.

For God's sake, lady, why did you jam on your brakes?

- Look what you've done. - Billy fell out of a plane.

- Are you all right? - I was on my way to the hospital...

- and I missed my entrance. - I'll drive you there.

No. It's in Vermont, stupid.

- Hey, let me see your licence. - I haven't got the time.

You can't leave the scene of an accident, lady.

Your exhaust is shot to hell.

Damn it, lady. You're going the wrong way.

Get out of the way!

Goddamn, get out of the way!

First she backed into me. Then she went up the ramp the wrong way...

My God. Here she comes again.

I'm coming to you, Billy. I'm coming.

Sweetheart? Honey?

- Wake up. - What?

- Here. - What is that?

Billy. What is it?

Follow it and find out.

Come on. VALENCIA: You're always up to something.

You're wonderful. Thank you. Beautiful.

But did you make this bow?

Never mind the bow. Follow the yellow-brick road.

It's so beautiful. Follow the yellow-brick road.

Follow the yellow-brick road.

- Come on. Follow it. - Oh, Billy.

Come on, Mama.

Mum. Come on down, Mum. VALENCIA: Did you make this beautiful bow?

Never mind. BARBARA: Mum, hurry.

I'm coming. PILGRIM: Robert.

Billy, I can't go out like this.

Of course you can. Follow the golden thread.

A Cadillac. Oh, Billy.

Happy birthday, hon. BARBARA: Happy birthday, Mum.

A Cadillac. A white Cadillac.

It's what I always wanted.

Come on, Robert.

I've always wanted a Cadillac. PILGRIM: And now you've got it.

Oh, sweetheart.

It's a little tight. PILGRIM: Adjust the seat with this.

That's too tight. PILGRIM: Or backward.

- You can make it go up... - It's squishing me.

- ...or down. - It's wonderful.

I'm gonna lose weight. I'm really gonna lose weight.

Billy, I love you.

Get the stretcher, quick.

Was he alert in the emergency room?

No, not very.

His right eye was dilating, his blood pressure was up.

He seemed pretty drowsy.

He's shaved and prepped, Doctor.

Let's get the pressure off.

- Are the instruments ready? - Yes, Doctor.

Better get in as quickly as you can. His right pupil no longer reacts to light.

Scalpel.

Cautery.

Electric burr.

Let me have some saline.

Each day, you will recite your number so we'll know how many men are here.

There will be no talking to Germans unless talked to.

When the war is over, we'll talk.

Let's make another burr hole right here.

Each day, you will be given a working assignment for factory...

cleaning or mail.

But there is not going to be any talking to German.

When you talk, you talk to your guards only.

His blood pressure's falling.

How're you doing? What're you giving him now?

I'm still giving him D5W.

Looks like the pressure's coming up now.

Let's see how he's doing in the next five or ten minutes.

Mrs. Shaw?

I'm Dr. Ellenbogen. Your father's gonna be all right.

It was very difficult. But he came through in good shape.

Daddy is gonna be all right.

Wonderful.

Did you find Mother?

Well, it's crazy, Barbara. I don't understand.

What's crazy, Stanley? Where's Mama?

Come on, honey, let's sit down.

Listen. I think we'll take care of your father until he's able to take care of himself.

What do you mean? What are you talking about?

I looked all over for your mum...

and then I asked one of the nurses.

They said that she died about three hours ago.

So I had to find out if it was the right one.

And it was.

She was.

- How? - I don't know.

She had some kind of accident with the car...

and got carbon-monoxide poisoning.

But she drives a Cadillac.

Honey, I don't know. That's what they told me.

Oh, God.

I know.

- Hi, darling. How you feeling? - Dirty sons of bitches.

- What's wrong? - Those people are bastards.

They put me in a room with that basket case.

- They just don't have a private room. - Well, I don't know.

God damn it, Lily.

I'll pepper your Radcliffe ass with buckshot if I ever catch you smoking again.

You better stay in condition to keep up with B. C. Rumfoord.

You guys go on without me. I'll be all right.

Christ. All he does in his sleep is quit, surrender, and apologise.

I could carve a better man out of a banana.

Did you bring me those books from Widener?

The boys at The Harvard Crimson have a beautiful bit about you.

They call you the Red Baron of military history.

They want you to get well soon.

Those little bastards.

The Truman statement about Hiroshima is in here.

And those eight Army-Air Force documents.

And the Irving book on Dresden.

I was there.

Honey, why did they keep Dresden a secret for so long?

Oh, hell. For fear a lot of bleeding hearts...

would say bombing it was a chicken-shit thing to do.

My book's gonna lay it on the line.

Nobody's gonna weep and wail over Dresden after they read my book.

I was there.

- What's he saying? - He said he was there.

Says he was where?

- Dresden. - At Dresden, B. C.

To hell with him. Let him write his own book.

...Schlachthof fuenf.

What the hell is he saying now?

I am an American soldier, Dresden.

...Schlachthof fuenf.

You wanna know something? We didn't start the last war, the Nazis did.

And 135,000 people dying in Dresden does not seem so very much...

when put against over 5 million Allies that died!

And you just might remember that when we were bombing Dresden...

the Germans were sending V1 and V2 rockets into London...

killing men, women and children.

- Don't get so uptight. - Jesus. It gives me a pain.

Weeping over cities like Dresden and not give a damn about our own losses.

Hey, what about Coventry? What about Rotterdam?

What about the extermination camps the Germans were running, gassing millions?

I want your attention.

Attention, please.

We're having a visitor: Howard Campbell, Jr.

I've just come back from the Russian front so I'll make it short.

I won't take up your time. I know how hungry you are.

Food's not much though, is it?

Food's terrific. Almost as neat as your outfit.

Men, I have a proposition for you.

How would you like to come back to America with me after this war as heroes?

Great, as long as I can wear that fag outfit.

Since you're so interested in my outfit I'll tell you what it's about.

Blue is for the American sky.

White is for the race that pioneered that continent...

cleared the forests, drained the swamps, built the roads and the bridges.

And red is for the blood of fine American boys...

that's been shed in defence of your freedom.

I don't see you shedding any blood, Campbell.

You all know that communism is out to enslave the world.

And who's out there trying to stop them?

The Germans.

They're not your enemies, they're your allies.

Communism is the enemy of all of us.

Now I want volunteers for the Free American Corps.

Men who are willing to stand up to these commies.

Sit down, Lazzaro.

I didn't vote for you, Derby.

Good. Who's next?

If we don't stop them...

Everybody moves to the air shelter.

Get out of my way.

There'll be no bombs. Churchill's nephew lives in the heart of Dresden.

Don't worry, son.

Well, men?

Do I have only one volunteer?

Listen, pal. I only stood up to tell you...

that one day your doorbell's gonna ring.

And there's gonna be this guy in a trench coat.

We'll eat German craw for so long, Campbell, because we have to.

But we'd rather die than eat your dung, which is sick and lousy and foul!

History will prove you an ass.

Oh, shit.

- No bombs, Campbell? - You can't trust the Jews.

Daddy, you should really stay with us.

And you shouldn't talk about Mama or the accident, or even the war.

I just wanna go home. BARBARA: But we want you with us.

I'll be fine. BARBARA: Just for one night?

No.

Daddy, honestly.

Daddy, you should consider yourself lucky.

Practically every optometrist in Ilium was wiped out.

Stanley's been working night and day for you.

Stinking old dog.

Hello, Spot. Yeah.

Daddy, honestly.

Won't you please change your mind and come stay with us?

You'll be in this empty house with that old dog.

I'll be all right.

But, Daddy, be a little realistic.

You just turned middle-aged. You got your whole life ahead of you.

Good night, dear.

You are Schweine!

Ma!

Papa!

Dad?

Papa!

Dad?

Robert.

Hi, Dad. Hi, Spot.

How did you get here?

They gave me leave to visit Mum.

- But you know... - Sure, Dad. I know.

That's why I'm here. And to see you.

- How are you, Dad? - I'm fine.

God, Dad. To think that you lived.

It's a miracle.

Like one time when our chopper got hit by Charlie just outside our camp.

It came down like a stone.

But the door gunner walked away.

Dad...

- I did the right thing, joining up. - I'm sure you did, Son.

Everybody knows it's a lousy war...

but sooner or later it'll be us or the communists.

We've gotta stand up to them somewhere.

Dad?

Dad?

I know you and Mum worried about me a lot.

I guess I haven't been the best of sons.

- You've been just fine. - No.

I know I was pretty wild, and I wanna make up for it.

Remember that stuff in the cemetery? Jeez.

I'm so ashamed of that now. Really, I am.

But I've changed a lot.

And I just hope I can make you real proud of me from now on.

You already have, Robert.

Dad, will you come to Mum's grave with me?

I'm not ready yet.

I know how you feel, Dad.

I'm just not ready.

Okay, Dad.

What's happened?

Where am I?

Welcome to the planet Tralfamadore, Mr. Pilgrim.

Tralfema...

- Tralfama... - Tralfamadore.

- How did I get here? - There is no "how."

There is no "why." The moment simply is.

I don't understand.

- Where are you? - You can't see us.

We live in the fourth dimension.

But we can see you.

And there are many important Tralfamadorians here to welcome you.

How do you do?

We hope that you'll find your accommodations here suitable.

I have to stay here?

I'm afraid so.

You mean I can't leave of my own free will?

Mr. Pilgrim, we have visited 31 inhabited planets in the universe.

We've studied reports on 100 more.

And only on Earth is there any talk of free will.

What'll I do?

You will aid in the removal of the bodies.

Those that are identifiable will be tagged.

Their personal effects will be tagged and given to an officer.

There will be a classification according to the degree...

that the victim can be identified.

Any looting or stealing will be dealt with via firing squad.

Follow me.

It looked like the end of the world.

What looked like the end of the world?

Dresden, after the bombing.

Don't be so egocentric, Mr. Pilgrim.

We know how the world ends, and it has nothing to do with Earth...

except that it gets wiped out, too.

Really? How does it end?

While we're experimenting with new fuels...

a Tralfamadorian test pilot panics, presses the wrong button...

and the whole universe disappears.

But you have to stop him.

If you know this, can't you keep the pilot from pressing...

He has always pressed it and he always will.

We always let him, and we always will let him.

The moment is structured that way.

Mr. Pilgrim, a pleasant way to spend eternity...

is to ignore the bad times and concentrate on the good.

It's all right.

Will you be quiet, please?

Can't you see you're frightening her?

Who are you?

My name's Pilgrim.

What's this scene? Where are we?

We're on a distant planet.

Are you mating now?

What?

Have you mated?

Who are you?

I'm a Tralfamadorian, Miss Wildhack.

A what?

You're on the planet Tralfamadore...

423 billion miles from Earth.

Oh, Jesus.

- You're okay? - Yes, thank you.

- When were you born? What month? - What month?

July.

- What day? - The fourth. The fourth of July.

You're practical, straightforward, with believe in others based in your own...

almost compulsive honesty.

You're a moon child.

- I'm a what? - A moon child. That's your sign.

Were you born in the morning or the afternoon?

It doesn't matter. I don't have my charts.

Miss Wildhack, would you like something to wear?

Yes. Thank you very much.

I was down in Palm Springs at a home of a producer friend of mine.

Sunning myself by the pool.

That's why I am like this. I don't want halter marks.

Naturally. And...

all of a sudden...

it was like a ray.

This is all I can offer you. MONTANA: Thank you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

That's all there is. And the next thing, I was here.

What's it like up here?

I don't know because we can't leave the dome.

The atmosphere of Tralfamadore is cyanide.

It would be fatal to you if you left the dome.

This is it?

I'm afraid so.

- How long will they keep us here? - I don't know.

You are here, you have always been here, and will always be here.

Is he trying to blow my mind?

No, it all makes sense in a way.

You see, in Tralfamadore...

Will you please mate now?

We're not going to put on a show for you, that's one thing.

Another is, I demand you get Miss Wildhack some clothing.

If she's cold, we can regulate the temperature.

You get down to Earth and get Miss Wildhack...

a complete wardrobe and one that fits.

- What's your size? - I take a 10.

But then, I have to take it in here and let it out a little here.

So they'll have to bring a needle and thread.

Did you hear that?

And remember, Miss Wildhack is used to the best.

Thanks...

- Billy. - Billy.

Now we would like the night canopy.

Why do you wish the night canopy?

Because we want it. TRALFAMADORIAN: Will you mate?

We hardly know each other. Do you mind if we take time to get better acquainted?

You are acting very unnaturally.

We would like the night canopy.

Oh, very well.

Would you like to sit on the couch?

Where is it?

Here. Just take my hand.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Careful.

Get away, Spot.

He's not bothering me. I like dogs.

Come here, Spot. Come on.

- It's pretty comfortable, isn't it? - It's fine.

They got everything from Sears and Roebuck.

I appreciate what you said to them about me.

Thank you, Miss Wildhack.

Montana.

Montana.

You don't meet many gentlemen in the entertainment business.

I'm an optometrist.

Would you like to kiss me?

Yes.

You kiss nicely.

Thank you.

Did I hurt you?

No.

Mr. Pilgrim?

Miss Wildhack?

Are you mating now?

Billy.

Billy, look at this.

Look at this. Perfect. There's not a chip on it.

- It's exactly like the one we had at home. - The one your son Johnny broke?

How'd you know about that?

The letter you wrote home.

It's a miracle, isn't it?

This little dancer survived all this destruction.

Wait till I bring it home.

Can you imagine how Meg's eyes will light up?

Look at this.

I found this down there. There's not a chip on it.

It's pretty, isn't it?

Used to sit in the living room.

What?

Stop!

Stop!

Billy.

Where were you, honey?

Billy? Do you like this?

It's nice.

It's not too tight?

A little, maybe.

I'm so big here.

I like it.

That's 'cause you're a man.

I'm gonna have to let it out. PILGRIM: I really think...

Give me something to do.

You like it, too, Spot?

He always growled at my wife.

Do you miss her?

She died.

Somebody smacked into the rear of her car and the exhaust fell off.

- She died of carbon-monoxide poisoning. - Wow.

Like what they have out there?

No. That's cyanide. That's worse.

Wow.

What did you love most about her?

Her pancakes.

If we had a real stove, Billy...

I'd make you an out-of-sight macrobiotic soufflé.

I'd like that.

And then...

we could think about having your baby.

Could we have the night canopy, please?

Daddy, there is no such planet as Troloflamaduke.

Dad, I think what Barbara and I would really like to know...

Would you be willing to see a psychiatrist?

I have a friend who's not only a doctor...

but he's interested in outer space.

Why don't the three of us have lunch together today?

Stanley, I'm not going to commit myself to an institution.

Dad, I wasn't...

If it weren't for Tralfamadore, I might have needed an institution.

I don't need a doctor, Stanley.

On Tralfamadore, you learn that the world is just a collection of moments...

all strung together in beautiful random order.

And if we're going to survive, it's up to us to concentrate on the good moments...

and ignore the bad.

Besides, I'm in love up there.

You know, I'd really like to have lunch with you today.

I'll be very busy.

Montana's pregnant.

What's her name?

Montana Wildhack.

That's the Hollywood starlet who disappeared, isn't it?

Oh, my God.

Wait a minute, Dad.

If you go back and forth in time, do you go into the future, too?

Frequently.

How far do you go?

- Do you actually go... - All the way to my death.

I've seen it many times.

I died in Philadelphia, where I was giving a speech on the subject of Tralfamadore.

You see, in Tralfamadore, where I presently dwell...

life has no beginning, no middle and no end.

For example, many years ago...

a certain man promised to have me killed.

He's an old man now, living not far from here.

He's read all of the publicity associated with my appearance.

He's insane, and tonight he'll keep his promise.

If you protest...

if you think that death is a terrible thing...

then you have not understood what I have said.

You see, it's time for you to go home to your wives and children.

And it's time for me to be dead for a little while...

and then live again.

I give you the Tralfamadorian greeting.

Hello.

Farewell.

Hello.

Farewell.

Eternally connected.

Eternally embracing.

Hello.

Farewell.

Nobody fucks around with Paul Lazzaro.

Do you hear me, Pilgrim?

Pilgrim?

Pilgrim, you hear me?

Get your ass over here and give me a hand.

- What are you going to do with that? - We're gonna make a fortune.

Haven't you got enough stuff? What if we get caught?

We ain't gonna get caught. The Krauts have all left. If we don't steal it, the Russians...

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Wait!

I surrender.

I don't know.

Billy.

We've just had a baby.

We just had a baby boy.

Look at him.

Isn't he beautiful?

Isn't he incredibly beautiful?

He's perfect. Everything's perfect.

- What shall we call him? - Billy, of course.

Anyway, even if he doesn't look too much like you, he's got your name.

You hungry? I think he's hungry now.

You hungry?

Here.

There it is. Take it.

Ouch!