Original subtitles

Man: my mother always said, "follow your dreams,

And you'll always be happy."

My father always said,

"don't listen to your mother. She's not a well woman."

But she was right.

And these dreams Have brought me

On this particular day

To the beautiful country Of Romania.

Dad doesn't approve Of what I do,

So when I told him I was going To Romania on business,

He said, "I went to Romania Once. I hated it."

I said, "dad, That was world war ii.

There were Nazis Shooting at you."

He said, "yeah, But you get a feel."

But it's beautiful here.

It's got valleys And castles,

Way too much cheese,

And towns whose names roll off Your tongue like poetry.

Ok, so it's a little Off Broadway,

But it's where I got to be.

Blimchuck. I have To find Blimchuck.

Idea? No?

Blim--blim--where Movie--we're making--

See, I made a--I came here Through Flukshoon,

And then I had To make a left by peel

To get to blim-Blimchuck?

[speaking Romanian]

No?

Does it look like I don't know where I�m going?

Well, I do. Just not how to get there.

Which is the story Of my life, actually,

And the reason why My wife and I are separated.

Am I getting Ahead of myself?

Yeah, I do that.

Blimchuck?

Blim--do you know Where Blimchuck is?

That was...smart.

So, why am I here?

What do I do?

Well, I�ll give you a hint.

It's called By several names.

Animal names, actually.

Some say leech. Some say vulture.

Some even say Scum-sucking pig.

No, I�m not a lawyer.

I'm an agent.

Yeah. Ever since I was A kid, give me 5 minutes,

I could talk anybody Into doing anything.

Mm-mmm!

Ah. Jesus Christ.

You're absolutely right, Samuel.

This is delicious.

Hah! And I�ve been Missing it all these years.

So, about My bar mitzvah.

Anything you say.

And that's what it takes To handle talent.

The power of persuasion.

When you're dealing With a sensitive artist,

You have to inspire trust.

Cut the crap!

Jay, I told you. I know I told you.

You told me It was a club date.

It is a club date.

It's a club, And it's a date.

It's just booked For a special occasion.

It's a wedding!

In the daytime.

Jay and the Americans Doing a wedding!

We're following A limbo contest!

Listen to me. Listen to me.

My biggest thrill is Discovering someone special

And taking them As far as they can go,

Like my new singer, Who, trust me,

Is going to be The next Whitney Houston.

(music) Nissan is the car (music)

(music) That you love (music)

(music) To drive (music)

(music) That you love (music)

(music) To drive (music)

All right, so the auto show Isn't exactly Carnegie hall,

But if you want to make it In show business,

You gotta pay your dues.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

You can't do that.

That's the third time In the last couple of months

That you've tried To cancel my credit card.

Come on, I�m leaving

On a very important Business trip to Europe,

And I need That credit card.

My secretary sent that check 2 weeks ago.

She did--

Carol, you sent That check, didn't you?

Shit, yeah.

See that? 2 weeks ago.

The fact that It wasn't easy to get here

Makes it that much sweeter.

All the sacrifice And the time away from home

And when they put my star

On the Hollywood Walk of fame,

I'm going to thank my son, Who never lost faith in me.

Nick, don't look At me that way.

I've got everything Riding on this.

It's my actor In a big movie.

Then I�m gonna take him down To the Cannes film festival,

And all the big boys Are gonna be there.

Schwarzenegger, Van Damme,

[imitates rocky] Uh, Stallone, you know?

Seagal-- Steven Seagal?

Yeah. You like him?

He's really scary. I mean, in real life.

How do you know that?

I saw it on Entertainment tonight.

That's all TV garbage. They make that stuff up.

Wow, so, do you think You can sign him?

I'm a little hot Right now with Justin,

So you never know.

Whoa. So my dad could be Steven Seagal's agent?

Yeah.

And why not?

Because anything's Possible now.

It's just what I was Telling my wife Serena

Before I left.

This is a big client In a big movie.

It's the beginning Of a roll for me.

Nothing ever changes Anything, Sam.

We have been Separated a year.

It's still your work, Your work, your work.

Nicky understands that.

Yeah, meanwhile I'm the one

Who goes To father-and-son night.

You know, His science project melts

Before you ever see it.

Look, look, He's reading variety,

So he's got something To talk to you about

When you call.

Serena...come on.

I love him, And he knows that.

Sam, people know You love them

When you put their needs Ahead of your own.

So, we talked it over,

And like 2 rational people, We came up with a solution.

Sam, I�m moving to Chicago.

What?

I'm sorry.

It's about Nicky.

You know, he needs More family support,

And my folks can really Help with that.

We'll move in with them,

And he's not doing So well in school.

They have this great tutorial Program back there...

Or let's just talk About the fact

I--I can't get an acting job In New York anymore, so...

I'm gonna teach drama At my old high school.

I'm sorry. I really need to do this.

So, that's my life

And the reason I'm in Romania--

Broke, separated,

And plugged up with cheese.

I discovered an actor Who's gonna turn it all around.

His name is Justin Allen,

My first client in a movie,

And the rest, my friends, Is soon to be legend.

Sam: This is so exciting.

What is?

To be here.

Big movie.

Oh, yeah.

And I hear that Justin's doing good.

Good? Great! Really?

Oh, the camera loves him.

I'm telling you, They applauded the dailies.

I've never seen Anything like it.

Partlow!

Uh, is there A problem, sir?

No. I'm screaming For my health.

Have you read the script For this movie recently?

The description Of the villain?

Well, I--

It says, right in The stage directions.

It says--Stephanie?

Stephanie!

It says, "and there On the hill...

"stands the dreaded Barbarian army

"led by a villain So ferocious

"that the entire Christian army turns

"and runs... Save one boy,

"whose heroism Can be measured

By the enormity Of the foe he faces."

Sam: that was very good.

So, what the hell Is this?

"a villain so fierce He makes an entire army

Turn and run"?

[whispering] Partlow... What were you thinking?

Be scary.

Grrr!

Stephanie, Get them out of here.

He gave a great audition, Larry.

It's not like We didn't try.

We saw at least 100 guys--

Then see 500, Ok? See 10,000.

See every guy in this Godforsaken country,

'Cause if this scene Doesn't work,

Then you don't work Ever...

In this town again.

In Blimchuck?

[laughs]

Excuse me?

Sorry. Sammy Kamin.

I'm Justin Allen�s agent.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Justin is brilliant.

He's the only good thing

In this whole Messed-up picture.

Thank you.

The camera loves him.

He's gonna have A hell of a career...

Unlike you.

Last night, I spit up blood.

Really?

Yeah.

Where's Justin?

You're firing me?

Yeah. Well...

I'm sorry.

I discovered you.

You weren't even Thinking about acting

When I found you.

You were delivering My newspapers.

I got you this movie.

I--I named you!

My name was Always Justin.

Schmell.

Justin Schmell.

I think they named Their town here after you.

Sam, I think what Justin Is trying--

Hey, dad, Dad, please.

I feel bad...

But, honestly,

I think I can do better.

You think you can do Better than me?

I met some people From a big agency.

Which one?

Does it really matter?

Justin, we're Ready for you.

Look, I have to go.

No. Hey, hey, hold it. Hold it a second.

You seriously think that You can do better than me?

I brought you your Favorite ice-cream cake.

I packed it in dry ice.

It sat on my lap The entire trip.

I can't have any more kids Because of this cake,

And you think that You can do better than me?

Well, guess again, Mr. Schmell.

Justin, our camera's ready.

Ok.

Hold it, hold it, Justin, please.

Come on, What are you saying?

Don't do this.

For the sake Of your career.

You'll get lost At a big agency.

They got Everything but a heart.

Come on, don't--you don't Want to do this, do you?

Hey, look, Sammy, I'm really sorry...

But, hey, good luck With everything else.

They grow up So fast, don't they?

Hey, don.

Yeah?

You're next.

[thunder]

[tires screeching]

God damn it.

I don't believe this.

I don't believe this.

[sheep bleating]

Didn't see that one coming!

[bleating]

[tires screech]

Aaah!

Oh!

Oh!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Oh, shit!

Uh! No! No!

Oh, come on, god,

Just give me 5 minutes, Please!

Oh, it's not how I want to die.

Come on, god, please. Can you hear me?

[snapping]

Aaah!

Hey! This is just A negotiation.

Work with me here, Please!

We're just 2 guys Talking, you know?

I don't accept this.

I don't want to die Like this.

I have a son.

I don't want him to think That I�m a failure.

Please.

[muffled]

Sam: well, there's good news, And there's bad news.

The bad news is...

I'm dead.

The good news is

That god himself Picked me up

And personally carried me

To heaven.

Aw, shit.

Wrong heaven.

Definitely wrong heaven.

Hello?

My name is Sam Kamin.

Formerly Kaminski, If you get my drift.

I'm in the wrong place.

Is there a concierge Or somebody I can talk to,

Because there's Been a mistake.

D-does anyone here Speak English?

Perfect.

Either I�m in heaven Or the Miami airport.

It is heaven, sir...

Heaven on earth.

You're at the ministeria Monterritomaoui.

I am Monsignor Papesco.

Monsignor?

Oh, thank god.

[chuckles] I thought I was dead.

As did we, But you are not,

By the grace of god.

Yes. I saw him.

I saw god. He appeared to me.

He pulled me Out of the wreck.

I was in a car crash,

And I looked up,

And these huge hands

Reached down And pulled me out.

That's it.

I'm so stupid.

I was a cesarean. It was a flashback.

No, no, it didn't feel Like a flashback.

It felt real.

God is real, my son.

But why? Why did he save me?

This is An important question.

You should Seek the answer.

Where?

Each man's search Is his own.

[bell tolls]

Sam: it's fate, I guess.

If things are meant to be,

They're meant to be.

Can I ask you A personal question?

I mean, you choose To live like this, right?

What's with these clothes?

The robes are Kind of comfortable.

It's the no-underwear thing That I--

I don't understand.

I'm not used to being exposed To the wind like this.

You know, I'd like to be alone.

I'd like To walk alone.

I feel like I just want to...

Walk alone.

Ok?

Thank you.

[bird twittering]

God...

It's Sammy Kamin.

You know, We haven't spoken

Since I did fiddler In high school,

But there's something I really have to know.

Why me?

Why, with all the good people In the world to save,

Did you choose me?

God...

Come on...

If you're up there,

Please...

Give me a sign.

[cell phone rings]

Thank you.

[ringing]

Oh, keep talking, baby. Daddy's coming.

[ring]

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Don't hang up! [ring]

Where the hell's my car?

Who's this? Oh, hertz?

I don't know when I can Have the car back. I--

I'll call you back.

Either god is In the salvage business,

Or Bigfoot took my car.

Hey!

Somebody!

[thunder]

[man singing]

[humming]

[hammering]

[heavy footsteps]

[metal object falls]

Man: ohhh!

Ohh!

[sizzle] Aah!

[loud belch]

[man clears throat]

Aaaahhhhh!

Aaaahhhhh! Aaaahhhhh!

Ohh!

If you say Fee fie fo fum,

I'm gonna make In my pants.

Sam?

Max.

You saved my life.

It was you. Thank you.

Sam! Sam! Sam!

Samoh mio!

Ohh!

My name is Maximus Sanferescu.

I'm so happy You're well.

You speak English.

English, German, Francais, Latin.

Now I speak to Sam.

Hello, Sam. Sam, hello!

You eat.

I'm not that hungry. I had a late gruel.

Eat.

I'll just pick.

Sam.

Hmm?

Tonight we speak Of many things.

We speak of Mr. William Shakespeare.

Shakespeare?

You know who he is?

Sure. He wrote A lot of good stuff.

Uh... To be or not to be.

Yes! Yes!

What light through Yonder window breaks?

Very good, Sam.

To thine own self Be true.

Hey, to Mr. S.

Ohh! Ohh!

We do more.

More?

More.

Ok.

What is a man?

What has he got?

If not himself, Then he has not.

Shakespeare?

Sinatra.

Ahh.

If a man begin With certainty,

He shall end in doubt-- Bacon.

When a problem Comes along,

You must whip it, Whip it good. Devo.

I like it!

We do more.

Where did you learn All this stuff?

The monsignor teach me.

Are you a monk?

No. I like to talk Too much.

The monsignor say Better for me

To help the monks.

Sam, read to me In English.

Read to you?

You know, it's A little late,

And I�m tired, So, uh...

I think I�m Gonna go.

Stay.

Please.

Another time. I mean, I I�m mending.

So I�m gonna go.

Listen, thanks For saving my life.

I wouldn't know what to tip For a thing like that.

So I�ll--I�ll See you around.

Go, Sam.

I'll tell you what.

I'll come back tomorrow.

Ok? And we'll Have some fun.

We'll go into town. I'll buy you lunch.

I cannot leave The monastery.

Why?

Because last time When I go to the city,

People follow me.

They throw rocks at me.

They call me Devil grotesque.

What does that mean?

The freak from hell.

Do you have family?

My mother and my father Bring me here when I was 15.

They left me.

Why?

They say I�m possessed By the devil

Because I grow too much Too fast.

Do you ever see them?

No.

They try To come many times,

But I will not see them.

Maximus.

Max.

Max.

Maybe your parents were Trying to protect you.

You know, I mean, People...

Threw rocks at you.

They ran away from you.

They--they shouted... Devil grotesque

Just because All they know

Is what they see.

And what do they see?

They see the biggest, Hugest,

Scariest-looking guy In the whole wide--

Sam, you have Stopped talking.

Do you still want me To read to you?

You read to me?

Hey, you saved my life. It's the least I can do.

[speaking Romanian]

What does that mean?

You are my friend.

"shall I compare thee To a summer's day?

"thou art more lovely And more temperate.

"rough winds do shake

The darling buds Of may..."

Sam: so here I am In Romania,

Reading bedtime stories.

Usually you read Bedtime stories

Abouta giant.

But I�m reading them Toa giant.

And as I watched him sleep, It all became clear.

I finally realized What god had saved me for.

[ring]

Yeah?

[whispering] I got him.

I got the guy.

What guy?

The villain. He's enormous.

How big?

Try this. 7 1/2 feet.

But he can play 8.

Can he talk?

Talk? He recites Shakespeare.

Do you mind? This is A private call, ok?

And if you see The waitress,

Tell her I�d like A little more decaf.

It sounds too good To be true.

Partlow, you can't Let this guy get away.

He's unbelievable. He's once-in-a-lifetime--

Partlow!

How soon can you Get him here?

I'll have him For you Thursday.

Come on, you sweaters.

Max, I gotta tell you, I love this simple life.

Yes, I�m now A man of the land.

But after a while,

Doesn't this get A little boring for you?

What are you gonna do With the rest of your life,

Mooch around With the animals here?

How much can you Play with the cows

And talk to the sheep? Come on.

I like the animals. They Don't look twice at me.

I understand that, Max,

But there's a big world Out there.

Places to go, People to tower over.

Listen, you should not Hide away from it

Just because you think You're too big.

I can help you. No, I can.

I can help you do something Much more interesting,

Much more exciting.

No, Sam. I told you,

I cannot leave From here.

This is my home.

Here. This one.

I'll get this.

Got it!

Here it is.

Ok.

You ready for The dismount?

Yes.

I don't like heights.

This is why I stopped Growing in fifth grade.

Here we go.

Just another few inches.

Ok, Max.

Max?

Yes?

Never mind.

[grunts]

Ahh, great.

All right, Here you go.

[counting In Romanian]

Thank you, Sam.

No problem.

You do for me, I do for you.

You lift me up, I pick you an apple.

You save my life, I show you the world.

Ba ba bing, Ba ba boom.

What?

Ba ba bing, Ba ba boom. Say it.

Ba ba bing, Ba ba boom.

Great. Ok.

Hey, Max, listen.

I know this is gonna Sound crazy,

But I�m just Gonna say it.

I could put you In the movies.

What is movies?

Shakespeare wrote Stories, right?

Hamlet, Othello,

Henry v.

I like that one. A lot of fighting.

[imitates sound Of swordplay]

Don't be scared.

I I�m not scared.

When you read These stories,

Do you see what the Characters are doing

In your mind?

Yes.

Great. That's perfect.

See, movies are... They-they're stories.

That's all.

Big stories On a screen.

Light, color, Music, sound.

They're lifelike, Only bigger and better.

You love these movies?

Yes. And that's My job.

I find people To be in movies.

They pay for this? They're so stupid.

You've been talking to My father, haven't you?

Let's go, Sammy. I don't want to be late.

Late for what?

There's nothing To be late for.

More gruel?

More churning?

Yeah, can't be late For churning.

Ohh.

The room is spinning.

You're a little tipsy.

Ah, tipsy.

W-w-w-wait. Have another one.

Come on.

The monsignor say,

One glass for eating, One glass for sleeping.

This is my Last night here.

Come on, Live a little.

There you go. Ok.

Oh.

Ok, Max, last thing About being an actor.

[speaking Romanian]

I know what You're thinking.

You're thinking, "I�m too tall, Sammy."

Right? "I�m not The right type, Sammy."

But let me Tell you something.

On a movie screen,

Everybody Is 40 feet tall.

No!

If you want to be An actor, say the word.

No. No more actor, Movie, 40 feet.

So stupid.

All right, that's it.

I'll stop.

I tried.

I'll just go back To America,

And I�ll Leave you alone.

America.

That's my home.

America is very far.

Oh, yeah.

Galoop is in America.

Who's galoop?

Never mind.

Wait, wait, Wait a second.

What's galoop?

Galoop is where She lives.

She goes so fast.

Galoop, galoop, Galoop, galoop.

Wait, are you Talking about a horse?

Lillianna.

Hey, look at-- Is that you?

Yes.

Who is that, Your sister?

No.

The girl I love.

This is from Last time I see her.

We grow up together In the Village of Lunca.

She kissed me.

I am 14.

Behind the fountain Of the virgin

At the end of the road Near my house.

22 years, Sam.

I can still feel Her lips on mine.

I send her letters.

I make her poems.

But I can never, ever See my Lillianna again.

"Lillianna Otarro, 231 desert view place,

Gallup, new mex--"

Galoop.

Galoop.

"my dearest Lillianna,

"the monsignor has Taught me English now

"so that I can write I love you

"in the language Of your new land.

"he has also taught me To love god,

"who I trust to protect you.

"I can no longer Send you photos of me

Because it is not allowed."

"but remember always

The boy whose soul Will love you forever."

"Maximus."

[speaking Romanian]

What does that mean?

We will always Have the sunset,

Lillianna and me.

You could Have more, Max.

Now listen to me. Listen carefully.

I can walk Away from here

And leave you forever

To talk to the cows, Play with the monks.

Whatever you want to do, That's your decision.

But before I do,

I want you to do Something for me.

And please don't say no.

Because what you Decide next

Will determine Whether or not

You'll ever see Lillianna again.

All right? Great.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa.

This is bad.

It's ok. No one Will be in there but us.

Are you sure?

Promise. I told them That you're a very famous

American film star.

You want to watch The movie alone. Like Elvis.

Who's Elvis?

Never mind. Come on, It-it's starting.

This is very bad.

Don't worry About a thing.

Ok?

Let me see. Perfect.

When you pass The guy at the door,

You say, "thanks, man,"

'Cause that's what Movie stars say.

Let's go To the movies.

This is very, Very, very bad.

Don't worry About a thing.

Why I listen to you?

Come on.

It is my great honor.

Thanks, man.

He is so big.

Larger Than life, Max,

Just like you.

Once you're up there, You never die.

You live forever On the silver screen.

[voice dubbed Into Romanian]

You don't want To see Lillianna

Because she doesn't know What you look like,

Am I right?

You never told her, Did you?

[speaking Romanian On screen]

Sam: once You're up there,

The whole world Would love you.

And if the whole world Loves you,

How could she not?

No more Devil grotesque.

Nowel supremo.

Il huge-o movie stario.

The newspapers will say,

"Romanian superstar Comes to America

To reunite with the Woman that he loves."

Max, trust me.

[shouting]

Cut!

More Christians!

We're still rolling.

I said--

Oh, my god.

Good morning.

Oh, my god.

Big enough For you, sir?

Max: vanquish Mine enemies.

Sam: the guy's spectacular. I mean, look at him.

He's huge. You want him?

Yeah, we want him.

You're making the Right decision. Great.

Here are my terms.

5-day guarantee At double scale

And a pair of first-class Tickets to America.

Are you crazy?

He sits on a horse. He says one line.

Ok, one day at scale, One coach ticket to America.

How about no chance?

Do you know what Makes a hero?

The villain. The villain makes the hero.

The size of the villain

Determines the size Of the hero.

Without goliath,

David is some punk Throwing rocks.

Am I making sense?

He's making sense.

The sight of my guy On that horse

Saying that line-- What is that line?

Vanquish Mine enemies.

Unbelievable.

I wrote it.

Fantastic.

Pay him what He wants.

Oh, the Schmells. Hello, Schmells.

I thought I fired you.

Heh heh. I have Other clients.

No, you don't.

Run along. I'm in the middle Of a negotiation here,

And you've got to Get ready for puberty.

So, what is scale here? What do we get?

A day, 70,000.

70,000?!

Romanian money. It's about $100.

I'll throw in A plane ticket.

Deal. Thank you Very much.

Cut, cut, cut, cut!

That's not the rehearsal.

I need a charge, Gentlemen!

A charge!

This is their hill,

And you want it to be Your hill.

Charge up it!

We got a problem.

What's the problem?

He can't get On the horse.

What do you mean, He can't get on the horse?

What I mean is, He can't get his leg

Over the damn horse.

We're gonna have to bring A winch in here,

Lift him up, And lower him on it.

You ok with that, Max?

No, I cannot do this. I'm very scared.

You're gonna be fine.

Really, it's gonna be ok.

I gotta get him back To wardrobe.

They're going nuts.

Ok, go with The nice girl.

There you go. It's gonna be ok, Max.

Be all right.

Please, don't tell me There's a problem,

Because I�m developing An aneurysm.

It's ok. What we need

Is something To loosen him up.

You know, Just a relaxer.

That I can do.

[telephone rings]

Hello.

Nick, how are you?

Dad!

Did I wake you up?

No. I'm just leaving For school. Are you back?

No, I�m, uh...

[coughs]

Still in Romania.

But I�m coming home Soon,

And I got so much To tell you.

Did you meet With Seagal?

No, not yet,

But he promised me That he'd do it.

That's too bad,

Because he's starting A movie in Vegas.

Yeah, I read about it In variety.

A new movie? Is it an action movie?

I'm guessing, dad.

Actually, I have to go. Glen's picking us up.

Who's glen?

He's my math teacher.

Mom went to high school With him.

Oh, well, uh, That's good.

He took us To a bulls game.

Does he have good seats?

No.

Oh, good. Good.

Dad...

I don't like it out here.

I miss my friends.

I miss you.

Listen,

You're where you Have to be, nick,

And I�m where I have to be.

Do you Understand that?

I guess.

[car horn honks]

I gotta go. He's honking.

The movie. Do you know The name of the movie?

Coming to my birthday?

Of course I�ll be there.

Ok, the name of the movie Is double or nothing,

And it starts shooting In Vegas in a week. Bye.

Yes!

[humming]

Quickly, quickly.

[Max singing]

Max, I have new--

Hey, Sammy!

I'm no scared no more.

Oh, no.

I'm big singer.

Right.

Everybody looks so tiny From here.

What did you give him?

I told them to Bring him a bottle.

You gave him a whole bottle? A whole bottle?

Yeah.

He's not supposed--

I'd love it if he could Stop laughing.

He's supposed to be mean.

Hey, boss.

I'm flying.

The flying He's enjoying,

'Cause he flew once.

He did Peter Pan In stock

With Jamie Farr As hook.

It was a fabul--

Just shut him up And get him on the horse.

Gotcha.

(music) Da da da da da da (music)

(music) Da da da da da (music)

You look fabulous Up there, Max.

Ok, one line.

Just say The one line.

Ok, you ready?

It's magic time. Ok?

Here we go.

Ok.

There he is.

Ok, stunt people, Step up.

Ready to charge And fight.

Justin, are you ready For your cue?

Man: all right, Lock it up!

Sound!

Roll camera.

Giant, giant. Raise sword.

Action.

To be or not to be,

That is the question.

I'll get it. Max...

Vanquish Mine enemies, Max.

Vanquish mine enemies. Say it.

Shh.

Look mean. Grrr!

Ahhhh!

Ok.

Ok, he's back.

There he is. He's all yours.

And...

Action.

Give him the line.

Vanquish mine enemies.

[whispering] Vanquish mine enemies.

Say the line.

O god of battles!

Oh, shit.

Steel my soldiers' hearts,

Possess them not with fear!

Pluck from them Their hearts!

Cut it, cut it, cut it.

Cut!

[everyone laughing]

What the hell Was that?

I'm guessing Henry v.

Very good, Sam. Henry v.

Listen, with The right editor,

That's some good Stuff in there

Where they can cut it--

I'm gonna roll this camera, He's gonna say that line.

I don't care how You get him to say it,

But he's gonna say it,

Because he's gonna sit on That horse until morning.

Camera ready?

Camera ready To roll.

Max, this is it now.

You really have to do it If you want to go to galoop.

I don't feel well, Sam.

What's the matter?

I'm spinning.

Lock it up!

Sound! Roll camera!

[whispers] vanquish Mine enemies, ok?

Very...very...tipsy.

Vanquish Mine enemies.

Justin, ready For your cue.

Action!

[groans]

Line!

For Lillianna, Max.

If you ever want To see her again,

Say the line!

Vanquish mine enemies!

[belching]

Director: keep rolling!

Justin!

Begone, foul demon,

For I am The swordmaster!

Cut. Print.

Yes!

Sam: you did it, Max!

Did you see that?

No digital stuff, No computer.

That's how my giant prepares. That's his process.

You are an actor.

I feel better now.

You, sir...

Are a genius.

Thanks, man.

Now we go see Lillianna?

Yeah.

[speaking Romanian]

Can we see galoop, Sam?

No, Max, Not from here.

But that's My hometown.

Max: incredible!

See, Max, New Yorkers Have seen everything.

No one here looks Twice at you. See?

What is that building?

Max, that's the Empire state building,

One of the biggest buildings in New York.

That's where King Kong Got killed.

King Kong?

Oh, it's a fantastic movie About this sleazy promoter

Who captures this huge gorilla, Brings it to New York,

Where he goes nuts 'Cause he loves this girl.

And...

Lousy movie, sad, It was terrible.

How he got killed?

It was a climbing Accident.

He was--you know what? Forget I brought it up.

Come on, we got Things to do.

You haven't cast The part yet, right?

When's the latest I can Get him to Las Vegas?

Friday?

Oh, I--I could get him To Las Vegas by Friday.

Trust me.

Don't cast this part Until you've seen my giant.

Believe me, He's that special.

Ok? All right, I�ll Get him there by Friday.

Good-bye.

All right, Max. We gotta go.

How much?

Uh, $52.50.

$52.50?!

How many hot dogs Did he have?

Well, 20 hot dogs--

20 hot--?! I was on the phone

For a minute, For god's sake!

And one soda.

Jeez, this is like Owning a Saint Bernard.

Yeah, the dog lady married The alligator man this weekend.

Uh-huh. Well, you know,

She's a bitch, And he works for scale.

No, no. I--I--I-- It's a joke, yeah.

Oh, no. They're doing well.

Listen, I gotta Call you back, all right?

An old friend Just walked in.

Hey, Eddie. How ya doing, huh?

Hey, Sam. Long time.

Hey, you look terrific.

You look the same.

So what do you need From the novelty world?

Listen, I--what?

I just signed Some singing pigs.

They're amazing.

Now, who would have thought A beautiful tenor voice

Would come out of a body Like that?

Who would Have thought?

Unbelievable.

Maybe some other Time, huh?

All right, ok.

Eddie, listen, I need a favor.

I need some work Right away,

Like today right away,

For a new client Of mine.

Very special guy. Right up your alley.

I'm taking him To Las Vegas

To meet Steven Seagal On a movie.

Come on.

No, This is on the level.

All right, What's he do?

Well, he's big.

They're all big.

No, I mean he's... He's really big.

This is an amazing Story.

He's Romanian.

Lived most of his life In a monastery.

Monastery?

In his hometown,

They call him Devil grotesque.

What's that mean?

I don't know. Something from hell,

But whatever it is, It's not good.

You got a picture?

I got better than that.

Max?

Say hello To my old friend Eddie.

Eddie, this is Max.

Hello, Eddie.

I just wet myself.

All right. Did I tell ya?

Jesus, he's got A head like luggage.

He's got his own climate, For Christ�s sake.

He's unbelievable.

He's amazing.

Wait a second. This is perfect.

I got a great job For him.

Yeah, where?

Cleveland. Cleveland?

Yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah.

They're looking For a monster

To wrestle a bunch Of circus midgets.

We got him a guy, but Nowhere near as big as this.

That's not what I'm looking for.

I thought money's what You're looking for.

2,500 a night?

My giant Doesn't wrestle.

Well, neither do they. They fake it, Sam.

I mean, your guy's An actor, right?

Yeah, but this Is ridiculous.

Oh, oh, oh. I get it.

This is beneath you.

This from a man Who represented a guy

Who hand-farted the William tell overture.

Hey, he was an artist.

This guy is A religious man.

I'm not doing that To him.

Sam, I thought You needed the money.

I do, I�m strapped,

But there are other ways To make it, Eddie.

Hey, you're right. The post office is hiring.

See ya around.

Yeah, I�ll see ya.

Say hello to Steven Seagal. Give him my best.

Here we go, Max.

How's that, better?

Yes.

Ok.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Sam?

Yeah?

Why are you being So nice to me?

I like you, Max. You're my friend.

[speaks Romanian]

Do you have many friends?

A few.

And you put them In the movies?

No, Max.

It's my job.

I do it 'cause it Makes me feel good.

If I can make you Into someone important,

It makes me important.

Do you understand that?

Ok, good night.

You have woman?

Go to sleep, Max.

She's gone.

Yeah.

And you have child.

Nick.

And mother and father.

Oh, yeah.

You'll meet them Tomorrow.

And they love you?

Yes.

And this doesn't make You feel important?

It would make me Feel important.

Thank you, Sam, For liking me.

Ok, Max. Here it is.

The house I grew up in,

Casa deguilt.

[buzzer]

Ooh, he's here.

Sammy?

Sammy.

Hiya, ma.

I shoulda made more.

[loud eating]

You have A nice appetite.

Rose: I like that.

Mm-hmm.

He saved my life, pop.

Yeah? Good.

Did you see how he sucked Down that herring?

Like a pelican In one of those

National geographic Specials.

Pass him the Stuffed cabbage.

No, grandma, Not the cabbage.

He gets gas,

He could wipe out 3 of the 5 boroughs.

[laughter]

Jerry, come on. Don't be stupid.

Don't say things Like that, huh?

Sam, don't call Your nephew stupid.

Milt: jerry's funny. Why don't you sign him up?

He'd be funnier Than half of your clients.

So how is your Business, Sam?

I'm glad you brought It up, Uncle Nate.

There is A big opportunity

That has just Come up--

Do you know Bruce Willis?

I'm talking to Uncle Nate here, Jerry.

It's just a simple Question, Sam.

Yes, I know Bruce Willis.

I happen to be Heavily invested

In planet Hollywood.

What did you do, run up A big bar tab there?

Rose: oh, nice.

Funny, pop. That's very funny.

Anyway, this enormous Opportunity's come up--

You know, My cousin Aaron

Was also quite tall.

Do you mind, mom?

Please, I�m trying To discuss business

With Uncle Nate.

I have a question For your friend.

Yes, aunt pearl.

I'm just curious.

Hmm?

How big is your--

All: pearl!

Well, I�d like to know!

Would you get her Out of here!

What did I do?

[yelling and arguing]

Don't we all Want to know?

No. No.

You must know.

I don't know!

Rose: pearl, what's The matter with you?

I'm awfully sorry.

My sister-in-law's A very lovely woman,

But she has a summer House on pluto.

I go to galoop.

Hmm?

H-he makes all His own clothes, pop.

Huh?

Yeah, he made this Himself.

He made it?

Yeah. Guess what on.

An Obermeier, the old Pedal operated kind.

I collect overseers.

Why don't you two Go downstairs?

You can show him, uh, The sewing machines,

And I�ll talk To Uncle Nate.

But it's not another loan.

This time, it's a very Good investment.

This guy is going To be a very big star.

What's he gonna star in,

Death of a giant Salesman?

I may sell Cadillacs, But I�m not shuck.

All right. Wait, wait, wait.

Forget the 10,000. $5,000 would be great.

Please.

Sammy.

If you had told me That your son

Needed braces On his teeth,

I'd reach in my Pocket like lightning,

But look at yourself. Where are you?

Where is your family?

You're running around With a glandular case,

Making a fool Of yourself.

You're my favorite nephew, And I love you...

But enough already.

Enough.

Pearl, get the car!

Sammy?

Come here, come here.

Here, honey, take this.

Listen, it's almost $200.

Mom, mom, please, I don't need your money.

We'll be fine. No, no, please.

We'll be fine.

We'll be fine.

[crowd cheering]

The Cleveland Municipal auditorium

And Paroni brothers Sporting entertainment

Present...

Geek night!

We'll do this. We'll Make the money.

We'll go right To Las Vegas.

And galoop?

Absolutely.

You're on, Sam.

Ah, batman on steroids.

Oh, yeah. It's terrific. It's great.

He's coming! Yes, he's coming!

Are you ready For the geeks?

Crowd, chanting: Geeks! Geeks! Geeks!

[chanting and booing]

Go over To the ring, Max.

Geek! Geek! Geek!

Ladies and...

Gentlemen.

In this corner,

Standing 4 feet, 8 inches each,

Which, when stacked End to end,

Makes a total Of 28 feet tall,

The 7...sweet Little angels!

You're mine. You're mine.

I'll rip that ugly mug

Right off Your shoulders,

You tall goon!

Sam: look at this, Max.

See, they--they just Keep rolling.

Just throw them around And have a good time.

Have fun with them. Ok, Max? Are you ok?

Then we'll get the money, We'll go to Las Vegas

And galoop.

And in this corner...

Your worst nightmare.

Direct from Satan's toilet,

In his wrestling debut,

Mothers, hide your children,

From the horrifying...

Devil grotesque,

The freak of hell!

Aah!

What are this?!

It wasn't me.

You told them Devil grotesque?!

I didn't!

I swear I didn't!

Hey, get over here.

What's the matter? They love this.

You told them Devil grotesque.

That's what you Told me.

Yes, but not to tell them.

Oh, who cares?

He does. It hurts His feelings.

Oh, yeah, like He's so delicate.

Unh!

Please, they're Hurting him.

Oh, no, no, no. He's just a great actor,

Just like you said.

Bullshit! That's not What we talked about.

I'm pulling him out.

No, you can't do that, Sam. Wait a minute.

You see those fine Gentlemen down there?

What's up?

You have a contract With them.

You break it,

And they're gonna break Something of yours.

Unh.

That's it. It's over.

No, Sam! I'm pulling him out.

[crowd boos]

No more. It's over!

Over!

Ring that bell.

[bell rings]

You told them Devil grotesque?!

I did not. I did not tell them.

We have a forfeit.

Devil grotesque Cannot continue.

No devil grotesque.

No devil grotesque.

[booing]

Let's go!

Come on. These guys Are not happy with us.

Why did you tell them?

I did not tell them. I told Eddie and...

You said trust me, I trust you.

You can trust me, Max.

No, you tell this.

It's just words. It Doesn't mean anything.

It's like show business.

No, Sam! It's me! Devil grotesque.

You believe this About me.

Max!

Max. Max!

You don't even know Where you're going.

I go home to Romania,

Not to see you never, No more.

Max!

Come back here.

Max!

Come here.

Listen, that was my fault. I take full responsibility.

Whatever you spent, I'll pay you back.

I promise.

Get him back in the ring.

I can't do that.

Really?

Unh.

Oh. Oh.

Now find your freak And get him back in there.

He's gone.

I'll get you Somebody else, ok?

Let's talk about this.

Just give me 5 minutes, Huh? Please?

Give him 5 minutes.

Ooh, 5 minutes.

Now you gonna fight, Freak?

Yes.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Vanquish mine enemies!

Aah!

[speaking Romanian]

I asked god To forgive me

For raising my hand In anger.

I'm sorry, Max.

I shot my mouth off About...

Devil grotesque, And I�m really sorry.

I asked him To forgive you, too.

What did he say?

He say ok.

Hey.

Dad!

Get over here.

Oh. Oh, nick, I'm so glad to see you.

Happy birthday.

It's not Until next week.

But I brought you An early present.

This is Max.

Whoa!

Hello, little Sammy.

Hi.

Listen, is mom home?

Yeah, she's inside.

Great. Uh, listen, Why don't you two guys

Play nicely together while I talk to mom, all right?

Ok, I�ll be right back.

Hey, you guys want To play now?

He's on my team.

Serena: just a minute.

Hi.

Hi.

I happened to be In Chicago

And thought I'd drop by.

What happened To your face?

Mickey Rourke.

Who's that?

Oh, that's My new client.

It's a long story.

Can I come in and Tell you about it?

Ha ha ha! I get you.

Come on, meet him.

Not right now.

Max is an amazing man.

Yeah, I�m sure. Maybe later.

So who's glen?

He's a nice guy.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he's just A nice guy.

What do you want, Sam?

Serena, listen.

I have to get him To Las Vegas. My giant.

There's a movie That's shooting there.

Nicky actually told me About it.

I spoke to The casting director.

If I can get Max there--

No money, Sam.

Did I say money?

What else would you Be talking about?

Not money. You did not Hear me say the words

"I want money."

I'd recognize my voice.

I did not say I want money.

I need the rings.

The rings.

They were my father's, And they were given to me.

For safekeeping. To be given to your son.

They're called Heirlooms.

I need to borrow them.

They're Nicky�s.

I'm broke.

Ok? I have nothing.

I am busted.

I'll get 'em back to you.

You know The funny thing, Sam,

I thought you came here Because you missed us.

That's why I thought You came with, uh,

Your giant.

Serena, Serena. I miss you.

Of course I miss you.

Nick: mom?

Give dad the rings.

I don't need them.

You buy something, Sam?

Yeah, bus fare.

Taxi!

Come on.

An adult and a child For Las Vegas, please.

I'm kidding. 2 for Las Vegas, please.

Max: galoop, Sam.

First Vegas, then galoop.

But you say--

Max, please, please.

2 for Las Vegas.

Galoop.

Give us a second, Please?

Come over here.

We have to go To Las Vegas first.

We go to Vegas first.

It's on the way To galoop.

The movie is In Las Vegas,

And we don't want To be messing around.

I want to see Lillianna first.

Sit down.

Sit down.

Are you famous yet?

I don't know.

What did we say?

We said you'd meet her When you were famous.

That was the agreement.

When will I be famous?

Ok, we'll call her.

Ok? We'll call her.

We'll tell her That you're here,

That you're on your Way to see her, ok?

We can do?

Max, this is just A letter.

This is Just her address.

There's No phone number here.

We no can call?

We'll call information.

Right? We'll call Information.

Is she still Living here?

When was the last time She wrote to you?

She don't write.

She don't write?

No.

Never?

And you've been Writing to her for...

22 years.

In galoop...in gallup,

Miss Lillianna Otarro,

231 desert view place.

It's a good thing you have A relationship with god, Max.

We may need his rolodex.

What?

An l.J Otarro On wonder view terrace.

All right, Let's try that.

Could you connect me? Thank you.

Max, don't get Your hopes up,

It may not be The right person.

You never know about These things, you know?

Woman: hello.

Hello.

Who's calling?

One second, please.

Do you want to talk?

No, no, no, no, no.

Is this Lillianna Otarro?

Woman: yes.

Are you from Romania?

Uh, yes.

I have a giant surprise For you.

I'm calling for your old Friend Maximus sanferescu.

[dial tone]

He's in Chicago right now, And yes, he is,

But he's on his way to Las Vegas to be in a movie.

Yes, he's an actor.

Operator: please hang up. This is a recording.

He's crazy about you.

I agree. He remembers that kiss.

Right, behind the Fountain of the virgin.

Well, you didn't forget It either, did you?

Well, he would like To come visit you.

Oh, that's a bummer.

Oh, for how long?

Couple of days. Well, listen, Lillianna,

We will call you, And we'll--we'll hook up

In gallup, ok?

It was lovely talking To you, too, Lillianna.

I will tell him. Ok.

All right. Good-bye.

Here.

She wants to see me?

Yes, but she's Gonna be gone

For a couple of days.

But she want to see me?

Yeah, Max. How could She not? Come on.

And the kiss, Sam?

What she say About the kiss?

That she'll Never forget it.

Come on.

Oh, Sam.

Yep, that's what she said.

I'm so happy.

Isn't that nice?

Sam? Yeah.

Tell me again. What She say about the kiss?

Max, you know What she said.

That she never forget.

That's right.

Thank you.

Max? Max, wake up.

What?

I want you to see Something.

Look.

It is miracle.

The miracle Is we got here.

Wait till you see The buffets, Max.

Do the words "all you can eat"

Mean anything to you?

Hey, hey, hey!

This is Show business, Max.

Uh-huh.

Hyah!

Hyah!

Haagh!

And...cut!

A.D.: That's a cut!

Second ad: Ok, great.

Ok, come on, guys, Gather around.

Steven, that was really Great, but I think

We can do just a little Bit better, don't you?

No.

Ok, that was Perfect, everybody.

New deal. We're moving on.

What do you mean, "cast"?

It wasn't cast A couple of days ago!

Please.

But I called! We came all this way!

I asked specifically, "do you need a big villain?"

'Cause that's what I got! I got the biggest!

We don't need, Capisce? Case closed.

Can I at least Show him to you? No.

Let me show him To the director.

Don't bother him. We're in a meal penalty.

You tell me I�m wrong, And I go away.

But if Steven Seagal Finds out

That you blew This opportunity,

It's on your head.

How big is he?

Around 8 feet and he can act. You got a script?

No lines.

The bad guy's just An action part. Excuse me.

That's perfect, 'cause, Now, what do you need?

You need a big, scary guy, And that's what I have.

The biggest and scariest Guy of all time,

And he's sitting Right over there.

Max, stand up!

All the way up. Don't slouch.

How about that, guys?

Huh? Big enough?

He's unbelievable!

Oh, yeah, You see? He's big.

Mr. Seagal, this is... A pleasure to meet you.

I'm Sam Kamin. I'm Max the giant's agent.

You, uh, have your Elbow in his salad.

Sorry.

Steven, what do you think About him as the bad guy?

The fact of The matter is

That he's much Bigger than me,

And as you know, That's not good.

Good. May I, sir?

Isn't that actually The point?

Uh, I don't Think so.

No, see, I have this theory About heroes and villains--

I know. Look, let's Not forget about Roy.

I mean, the fact Of the matter is

We did offer him The part.

That's right. There's Roy.

Who's Roy?

Steven's best friend.

He's our head stunt man, And he's got the role.

Come on, He's a stunt man.

With all due respect, Probably a great one,

But now, stunt men stunt.

He acts! My giant Can do Shakespeare!

Shakespeare.

Every word.

I've always wanted To do Shakespeare.

You would be a great Shakespearean actor.

Matter of fact, You and Max together

In this movie... Would be great

Doing Shakespeare together. Can you see it?

No. This is A story about a man

Who's trying To stop terrorists

From blowing up The Las Vegas strip.

Now if you'll Excuse me--

But, sir...

You don't see How Shakespeare

Can fall into That script idea?

No. Oh, come on! It's easy!

You got This huge villain,

The world's Biggest terrorist.

Seagal: he's huge.

Scary. Oh, scary.

And he's Planting bombs

All over The strip, right?

But he's sending Messages to you...

In iambic Pentameter.

Great.

If he can Eliminate you...

With The Shakespeare...

See, he can be "to be"

And you are "not to be"

Because he doesn't Want you to be

Seagal: right.

But you have To stop that, see?

Because he loves Shakespeare

And blowing up Stuff.

Max, do Henry V.

What?

Do Henry V! He's...

You don't like it, Sam. Remember?

We got to get Back to work.

Wait, wait, wait, Wait a second.

Max, listen to me.

You got to do it Like you did before.

If you don't do it now,

You can kiss Galoop good-bye.

Please! Now is the time--

Sammy was your name, Right? We got to go.

Please.

Do it.

O god of battles!

Steel my soldiers' hearts,

Possess them not With fear!

For he who sheds His blood with me

Shall be my brother.

Screw Roy.

Roy is out.

Roy's gone.

Ok. See you around.

[whispering] thank you Very much, man.

Max, great!

Uh, Mr. Seagal, First of all,

Thank you from the bottom Of my heart. This is...

Will you just give me 5 minutes? You'd make me

The happiest man In the world.

You got it.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Uh, is this Nick Kamin?

Yeah. Who's this?

Hi. This is Steven Seagal. How are you?

Nice try, dad, but his voice Is a little bit raspier.

No, this is Steven Seagal, really.

Oh, really, Steve?

Great, 'cause I want to Tell you a couple of things.

You're a huge wimp

With a big, Stupid ponytail.

Yeah, and have you ever Heard of acting lessons?

You really might Want to try taking some.

Oh, by the way, When you talk,

Try clearing the phlegm Out of your throat.

Just spit it up already.

Ahem, ahem! Uh, well...

Uh...thank you Very much.

You know, I can see

That your father's Raised you very well.

You're a very polite Young man,

And I�m hoping that we can Get together someday soon.

Oh, pretty cool. Hanging out with Stallone

So I can understand You both less?

So let's get rid Of the mumble.

Ok. God bless you.

Bye.

Dad?

Wow.

What did he say?

He loves me.

Dad?

Dad.

Shit.

Mr. Kamin. Yes. Hi.

I've been asked to take you To Caesar�s palace.

You'll be meeting With the producers

Tomorrow evening at 10:00.

Look over these papers. W-2, social security,

And these forms are For the insurance exam

We need to do for doing Any stunt work.

That's up first thing In the morning.

Insurance exam? We don't Have a deal yet.

It's not my area, sir. I guess it's what

You talk about Tomorrow at 10:00.

Yeah. Thanks a lot. Bye.

Steven! I--I can't tell you How excited we are.

This whole thing is Such--it's amazing,

So we love it. Thank you.

See ya.

P.a.: Mr. Kamin.

Wow.

Yes. Hey, there he is.

I do good, Sam?

You did great, Max.

Yes!

You're in A movie, Max!

You're gonna be In a movie!

And then we're Gonna go to galoop!

Come on, let's Hit those buffets!

He's got fingers As big as pickles.

You want to meet him?

His head Touches the ceiling,

And he's gonna be In this big movie

With Steven Seagal.

And when did you start Growing like this?

14.

And how old Are you now?

36.

Uh-huh.

Good. Well, I�ll See you in a minute.

But you're not saying He can't do the movie?

No. I'm merely saying I can't sign off

On these insurance forms.

Given his EKG, the exertion Could be dangerous.

How can this be?

This guy is As strong as an ox.

He's a giant, For god's sake.

Exactly.

Mr. Kamin, have you Ever seen an old giant?

What?

They have A hormonal imbalance

That causes A heart condition.

I believe Max has one.

Are you A heart specialist?

No, but I intend To fax his EKG

To a heart specialist, And I�d like to--

Listen, Don't bother, ok?

Because I don't buy it.

"ever see An old giant"!

What is that, A trick question?

There are always Second opinions.

And I�m Gonna get one.

And I�m sure you'll find Your way to a doctor

Who, for the right fee,

Will give you his signature On these insurance forms.

No. I will just find A better doctor.

Hey, Max.

How you doing?

[phone ringing]

[ring]

Woman: hello?

Is this Lillianna Otarro?

Yes.

I spoke to you The other day.

I'm calling for Maximus sanferescu.

[click, dial tone]

A 3-week guarantee At 2,500 a week?

I think That's a nice offer.

I said I'll think about it.

All right, so we'll Come up to 3.

3 grand a week, A month guaranteed.

And a bump if it goes To a TV series.

You've heard of The incredible hulk?

Do you know what Ferrigno made on that?

We see a huge career For this guy.

I'll think about it.

What, you think we need This guy or something?

No, I understand.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute. Hold on. The point is

We want him. I mean, the image of

This big, stupid beast Spouting Shakespeare--

"big, stupid beast"?

Well, he looks stupid.

He speaks 5 languages. How many do you speak?

Hey, settle down--

Don't call him stupid!

I'm sorry. It was A slip of the tongue.

Look, Sam...

Sammy...

I'll be honest with you.

The deal is Steven wants him.

He's nuts about him,

So just tell us What you want.

5 grand a week?

10?

50.

A million.

What?

Come on, Sam. Talk to me.

I just need to do

What's best For my giant.

Mr. Kamin.

Doctor. They told me You were...working late.

Uh, first of all...

I apologize.

I was way out of line With what I said before.

I--I was just stunned.

It's ok.

There are some things That I need to know.

Sure. Sit down.

Life expectancy.

[sighs]

The books say 35 to 50 years.

You see, they suffer From cardiac enlargement.

Ventricular hypertrophy.

Bad heart.

That's right.

Well, what about A new one, you know?

I mean, A heart transplant.

His heart's the size Of a catcher's glove.

You won't find one To replace it.

He's aware of this, You know.

What?

Yes.

[papers rustle]

He wrote "sick heart" Across his questionnaire...

Asked me how long I thought he had left.

And what Did you tell him?

That he should be With family.

[door opens]

What did he Tell you?

That you're dying.

They always say that.

Tell me the truth.

Come on, Max, Tell me the truth.

Do you feel Like you are?

Sometimes.

Why did you Do this?

Why did you let me

Drag you across The country?

To see Lillianna.

You could have told me, Max, you know?

You should Have told me.

I'm sorry, Sam.

Can we still See Lillianna?

Please?

I'll be all right.

Trust me.

[telephone rings]

Hello.

Hi. It's me.

Hi, Sam.

How's it going?

Uh, not so good.

What's wrong?

I don't know. I just, uh...

Wanted to say hi.

Just wanted to hear Your voice

And to see How you're doing.

How are ya? How ya doing?

What's going on With you, Sam?

You sound strange.

My giant's dying.

What?

Yeah.

Ever see An old giant?

You've lost me, Sam.

I know I have...

And I don't want to.

And do you-- Do you really want this?

Do you want to just Give up on us, huh?

Where are you?

I'm at an airport.

I'm on my way To New Mexico

To try to convince a woman Who knew Max 20 years ago

To come visit him

Because that's What he wants,

And I don't know If I can.

Serena, My whole life...

I've been able to talk People into doing things,

And I don't think It's working anymore.

What can I do For you, Sam?

I don't know.

You got a magic wand Lying around?

You could wave it...

Say a couple of--

No. There's No magic wands.

Well, there better be,

Because I�m About to need one.

Wonder view terrace. All right.

Don't forget to lock up When you're done.

Ok. Bye-bye, Lillianna.

See you next week.

[car starts]

Miss!

M--

Max: we grew up together In the Village of Lunca.

She kissed me...

By the fountain Of the virgin

At the end of the road Near my house.

22 years, Sam.

I can still feel Her lips on mine.

Miss...

Keep away from me.

I have pepper spray.

Wait. Hey, Let me explain.

Keep your distance. Keep away.

Wait. D-don't shoot that.

Go away.

Please, don't Do this, Lillianna.

How do you know My name?

I'm a friend of Maximus sanferescu.

You're the one Who was calling?

Yes. Max is very sick,

And he needs To see you.

I know he is sick.

He's very sick. He's obsessed with me.

Do you know How many letters

I've gotten from him In 20 years?

Maybe 1,000...

Until I told The post office

To start Destroying them.

It's called stalking.

Does he know It's against the law?

I could get you Both arrested.

Let me explain, Please.

Explain why the church Doesn't do something

About this Perverted priest.

Explain that to me.

Wait a second. He is not a pervert.

He's not even A priest.

He's a good man. He's a wonderful man

Who's in love With you,

And he's always been In love with you.

He remembers Kissing you.

I never kissed him.

In Lunca?

Behind the fountain Of the virgin

At the end Of the road

Near his parents' House? Right?

That was 20 years ago.

I was a kid. There's Nothing to talk about.

Wait...

Lillianna, he's An unusual person.

If you would Let me explain,

You'd understand.

All I�m asking

Is for you to give me 5 minutes, ok?

Just 5 minutes.

You come into This restaurant--

In public--

Sit down, have a cup Of coffee with me,

And listen to what I have to say about Max.

There are things That you don't know

That'll make all the Difference in the world.

Please.

5 minutes?

What do you say?

I don't want to. Get away from my car.

[car starts]

[telephone rings]

[ring]

'Allo?

Max, it's me.

Sammy!

Did you see her?

Not only Did I see her,

I'm bringing her To the hotel.

She's coming?

Any second.

What did she say?

Now, listen,

In 20 years People change.

You understand?

So don't be Surprised

If you find her a Little bit changed.

What do I wear?

Stay away from Vertical stripes.

What if she don't like me When she see me?

She will like you, Max.

Trust me.

I'll see you in A few minutes, ok?

All right. Bye.

[keys jingling]

Lillianna, I'm gonna tell Max

That you're here, ok? Thanks.

Hey...

Are you ready?

She's here?

She's here.

I'll bring her in, ok?

Yes.

Lillianna, You wanna...come in?

Come in. He won't bite.

Lillianna...

Maximus...

[speaking Romanian]

Max, Lillianna would like it If you spoke English.

Yes. Please.

Yes. English.

We all speak English.

Ha ha ha...

Listen, if you two Would like me to go--

No. No.

I'll be happy to stay.

I'll just... Be right there.

You look different.

And you.

I grow.

Yes.

Too much.

You are still My Maximus.

Why you never Write to me?

I wanted to,

But...my--

[cough] father.

Father was so strict.

I'm sorry.

I thought You forgot me.

No.

You remembered?

Everything.

Goat boy And the treasure?

The treasure?

Yeah. The goat. Mine jump up.

The goat. Ha ha...

That was So funny.

When the machine Cut his legs off?

That was so sad.

I wrote to you Every day.

I sent you poems.

I remember Every one.

Say one.

Say one.

Whichever You like best.

Max,

Why don't you do

One of your favorite poems For Lillianna?

Wouldn't you like to hear One, Lillianna, from Max?

Yes, please.

I've longed to hear One in your voice.

No. My accent.

Is beautiful.

Nothing about me Is beautiful.

Please.

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth And breadth and height

My soul can reach.

Both: I love thee with The breaths, smiles, tears

For all my life.

And if god chooses,

I shall love thee better After death.

You are happy, Lillianna, in your life?

You're alone?

You are married.

He is a good man?

He doesn't seem to know it,

But he's a good man.

He just doesn't Feel good enough.

Even with your love?

You deserve better man.

Lillianna, You remember the kiss?

Behind the fountain?

Yes.

I will never forget it.

I still dream of it.

[speaking Romanian]

I'm so sorry, but...

We will always Have the sunset.

Just know... I will never forget you.

I'll be right back.

Do you want me to go To the airport with you?

No. I think you should Stay with him.

Do you have to go Right away?

It's Nicky�s birthday.

Yeah.

That was unbelievable. That was really amazing.

The kiss, however, I didn't see coming--

Sammy.

Yeah?

Right.

Thank you.

That meant Everything to him.

And me.

And me. You know, What you did for him...

That's the man I married.

I've missed you.

Hey, Serena...

You're my Lillianna.

I'm gonna Love you forever.

There's one Big difference.

She didn't Love him back.

Spell, please.

Big back end?

Thank you. I'll tell him. Good-bye.

What is "big back end"?

What?

The man From the movie said,

"3-pic deal. Option TV.

Big back end."

What does this mean?

It means you're a star Of the silver screen, Max.

The biggest I ever had.

Seems like a perfect time To leave, doesn't it?

Come on, pack up.

But the movie, Sam.

The movie's The easy part, Max.

It's the deal that's hard.

Sam: so, I�m in Romania,

With a truly gigantic Movie star

Whose one appearance

In a little-known European Movie skyrocketed him

To a 3-picture deal In Hollywood.

But he got out While he was still on top.

Good morning.

Sanferescu?

Ah.

Max?

Max, wake up.

Max: no!

No! Why you do this To me, Sam?

Why?! Why you Bring me here?!

This is not my home! They leave me!

Why, Sam?! Who tell you Do this to me?!

[speaking Romanian]

I told you lots of times, I don't like this place!

My mother had a saying:

Never go to sleep angry.

[speaking Romanian]

Go home.

Mama.

Mama!

Dada.

Sam: I saw Max twice Over the next year.

The last time, To say good-bye.

It's funny to think That someone could die

Because his heart was too big, But that was Max.

The thing is, He wanted to be small,

And I wanted to be big.

But what we both Were looking for

Had nothing To do with size.

Because I�m not the tallest guy In the world,

But in the eyes of my family, I've become a giant.

Vanquish mine enemy!

Begone, foul demon,

For I am The swordmaster!

[Max throwing up]

Audience: ewww!

{{{the end}}}