Original subtitles

This week...

Kak! Nothing but bloody afro faces as far as my bloody white

- eyes can bloody see! - Say, man, what you looking for, baby?

I got joints and bags, nickels and dimes, columbian gold

and Panama reds. So, what you smoking, huh, jack?

Not interested. Actually, I ...

Nah, Rallo. He needs to keep his lungs clean.

Look here, man, I got acid,

Valium, Mescaline. I got some good Cocaine.

- I'll keep you open forever. - You misunderstand.

- I don't have time for ... - Rallo, this man's in a rush.

He ain't got no time for no angel dust to kick in and don't

need no [bleep] that's gonna make him see unicorns either.

- He got to drive! Ain't that right? - Yes!

- No, look, I just need some directions! - What you got in there ...

Rolls-royces or something? This [bleep] is big!

Oh, no, something far more valuable than a rolls-royce.

Now could you please tell me how to get my truck out of this [bleep] hole?!

Yeah.

By handing over them keys, sucker.

I'm out, bitch!

Rallo, it's dark as hell in here. Throw me a light.

- We hit the jackpot, Rallo! - What do you see, Rallo?

Looks like a whole mess of white furs.

They might be rabbit, might be mink.

- Ah, damn, but it smells like gorilla [bleep]. - Gorilla [bleep]?

I know all types of [bleep] I know dog [bleep] cow [bleep]

monkey [bleep] and that [sniffs] is gorilla ...

[ gorilla roars ] Holy [bleep] !

- Rallo, do something! - Stop screaming, man!

Man, that ain't funny! Now stop jiving so we can figure the [bleep]

- out out how we're gonna get rid of him! - You can't get rid of him!

Now, what we need is to get some of that circus money. This [bleep] is

a main attraction! That's right. You're gonna be a star.

- I can see your name up in lights right now. - What's it say, Rallo?!

- What's it say?! - It says, "Rallo and another cat

named Rallo's brothers presents... Honky Kong"!

Bullhorn, Cream Corn, there's nothing like being

- a man on Sunday with no responsibilities. - Can one of y'all

- please get that?! Damn! - Bee, I'll gladly help you

out after quarter number 4. It's only quarter number 1,

though, so there's still three more.

Whorephanage. This is Honey Bee. Mrs. McHenry from

child services? Hi! Uh, no, today would not be

a good day for a visit. Tomorrow? Oh, yes, that would be perfect!

Oh, yes, the kids are very safe.

Get your ass down before I bust your little head open!

See? Okay, got to go.

Put that down, put that down! What the [bleep] Honey Bee, can you do something

with these damn orphans? They're making it

impossible to get any whoring done around here.

I'm trying to get this place together before child

- services comes tomorrow! - What's the big deal with child services?

If I don't have this place together in 24 hours,

they will shut this whorephanage down!

Oh, Honey Bee, there's no reason to worry. Everything will be just fine.

Now, if you're not too busy, can you please get us some more pork rinds?

Euphoria, can you just watch them for a minute, please?

I'm sorry, Honey Bee. You on your own.

These tricks ain't gonna turn themselves, you know. Now I've got to go. Bye!

You better have Black Dynamite's money, too!

Honey Bee, here's a drink to the one that holds down the whole team!

Of course, I'm talking about Wilt the Stilt, A.K.A. my man Chamberlain!

You know the best part about Honey Bee? She is so selfless.

I mean, she's so giving. You don't never see her do [bleep] for herself.

It's almost like the bitch don't even exist. Hey, my man, hand me them nachos.

You know what?! I'm tired of being treated like this!

I spend every day of my life trying to hold this whorephanage

together, and what kind of appreciation do I get, huh?! Huh?! Tell me!

What are you talking about? I was just saying how much we

- appreciate you letting us take advantage of you. - Black Dynamite,

don't get me wrong. I love every ungrateful [bleep] in here, but if I don't

get some appreciation soon, I'm gonna have to go.

Yes! [ laughs ] in your face, Havlicek, in your face!

Okay, fellas, we need to stop enjoying our Sunday so we can

take Honey Bee somewhere that nobody would ever take her.

That way, she'll feel appreciated and not have a nervous breakdown.

Got it! Let's take her duck-pin bowling! They got a big-ass TV there so

we can watch the game and appreciate her at

the same time! It's like killing two ducks with one ball.

Hmm, I don't know if Honey Bee will buy that one.

Will you buy that one, Honey Bee?

Before you answer that, let's see what other options we got first. Bullhorn?

Well, if smiles is what she needs, then I say send

in the clowns. I know two cats named Rallo, and they got a circus in town.

All right, Honey Bee, which would make you feel more appreciated ...

- Duck-pin bowling or the circus? - Do they got that two-headed pit bull?

I don't know, so I ain't gonna pull your toe, but they do got a pretty

tri-titty ho that came all the way from buffalo.

A tri-titty ho? Then the circus it is. Honey Bee, go get all these

orphans and whores dressed and fed. Black Dynamite and this here

whorephanage is going to the circus.

This was a great idea, Bullhorn. After this, bee won't have [bleep] to bitch about.

Marvel at all the wonders and let your mind be free!

Today is all about our appreciation for you, Honey Bee.

Now, that [bleep] was amazing! Did you see that, Honey Bee? Three titties in one.

Also, can you get us some more popcorn? When you're done, you really

need to sit down and watch the circus so you can feel appreciated.

- These damn tickets cost money, Bee. - And now, without further ado,

- we present the ninth wonder of the world! - Give it up for Honky Kong!

This is the dumbest [bleep] I've ever seen.

Man, this big, white motha [bleep] is about to scare away all our money!

We need to get the hell up out of here before cats start talking about refunds and

- [bleep] oh [bleep] - Nice circus, boys!

Is he looking at you?

Damn, Bee, you got this ape's big gorilla nostrils all open!

Them white boys always did like you! About time you got you

- a man or a monkey. - Uh-huh, uh-huh!

Bitch, you done lose your mind!

Honey Bee, I know today was supposed to be all about appreciating you.

But I would appreciate it if you and Bullhorn

could get these orphans and whores to safety.

I got to go save Cream Corn.

Or he'll be bouncing around this damn circus tent all night.

Help! Black Dynamite!

Oh, you got some nice nails! Help! Help!

Damn, I arrived on the scene just a moment too late.

Now, you orphans need to repress the memory of

what you just saw, or you little [bleep] are gonna be scarred for life.

If we're gonna save Bee, we're gonna need some help

from above. That means we got to get the meanest,

- baddest, blackest birds in the sky. - You got to be talking about

those red tails from way back when ... the only ones that we can depend on to defend.

- The Tuskegee airmen! - Amen!

Tuskegee airmen, I appreciate y'all rolling with me on such a short notice.

- Huh?! - I appreciate y'all rolling

- with me on such a short notice. - Huh?!

I appreciate y'all rolling with me on such a short notice.

Okay, Colored Dynamite! It's been a long time since we

flew these, but don't worry. It's just like riding a bike.

Tuskegee airmen, you're coming in too fast!

- Huh?! - Tuskegee airmen, you're coming in too fast!

- Huh?! - Tuskegee airmen, you're coming in too ...

Ooh [bleep] it!

- Suey! - Ok!

Black Dynamite!

- Honey Bee! - Black Dynamite, make sure

you get the whorephanage together before

child services co-o-o-o-mes!

It's all my fault.

I should've listened to Honey Bee and paid more attention to her needs.

Now she's gone with a white monkey that's gone ape, and I can't rest until I find her.

You're right, Black Dynamite. Taking Honey Bee to the circus was a big

mistake because I've been changing [bleep] diapers all day, and I ain't had no break!

Look, I'm gonna need one of you hoes to fill in for bee when child

services comes by 'cause we need to keep things tight, out of sight, and...

'Cause Black Dynamite's gonna make everything all right, and yeah,

I promise not to [bleep] in your mouth, and the check is in the mail.

Now, I wasn't even gonna say that! You see that, Euphoria?!

You think you know somebody! Now, you need to get a hot cup of shut the [bleep] up!

Sorry, Euphoria. I'm just under a lot of stress. It's hard doing womanly duties

and being Black Dynamite at the same time. Go on and turn your tricks, Euphoria.

Fellas, every second Honey Bee's away, the harder it's gonna be to find her.

If we only knew where to start...

For selling me those tickets, I'm gonna kill you suckers!

- You no-good bull [bleep] motha [bleep]... - No one is killing anyone until I find my ape.

Two cats named Rallo, who the hell is this tubob, and why have you

- have you brought him here? - Black Dynamite, this tubob is Boner Afrikaner ...

south african big-game hunter and poacher extraordinaire, bon vivant, etc., etc...

Well, I guess we'll just split. I figure you guys can, you know, take it from here.

- Come on, Rallo. - No one is going anywhere until the tubob finds his ape!

And you ain't leaving until I find where your honky gorilla took my Bee.

- Now talk, sucker. - He's probably in the Aegean sea by now.

I found him on the remote island of Patmos. It's a dangerous island that time forgot

- with bloody roaches the size of cars. - Oh, that ain't

[bleep] we got some of them in the kitchen.

You have no idea what you've done. Nfumu has never seen a black donk before.

You've done worse than awaken the bloody lust in him.

You've awakened the bloody jungle love.

Boer Afrikaner, I ain't got no time for all this giant roach bloody talk.

I just need to get my Bee back to her hive where she belongs. How can we get there?

- We can take my seaplane. - Well, we need to split now.

- Cream Corn, I'm gonna need you to stay here. - What?!

- Cream Corn, I'm gonna need you to stay here. - What?!

Cream Corn, I'm gonna need you ... you know what?

I ain't doing this [bleep] again. Look, somebody has to keep an

eye on these orphans and straighten this place up before the...

- Child services. - ...bitch gets here.

Where the hell am I?

And do I smell steak and eggs?

Don't you come near me, y-y-you...

My clothes! Oh, my ... Damn, are these pressed?

The hell?! You did that while I was asleep?

Oh, that is so cute! Aww, you wouldn't hurt a fly, would you?

You're just a big, old teddy bear. Let me tell you something.

A lot of men could learn from you. You're gonna make some monkey

girl a good gorilla husband. Honky Ho... mmm!

Honky Kong, this is some five-star [bleep] here.

I can get used to this. Black Dynamite ain't never made

me a grit ... not one grit.

If you value your life, follow me very closely

because unseen creatures lurk around every corner.

There's probably one behind me right ...

Rallo, save yourself! The other way, Rallo!

No!

Black Dynamite, shoot it! Shoot it!

- Now, that is how you conserve ammo. - Oh [bleep].

The white man died first in line. What we gonna do now,

Black Dynamite? 'Cause your guess is gooder than mine.

Black Dynamite's seen some heavy [bleep] in Vietnam, but one thing

he ain't never seen is a white spider eating a white Velociraptor eating a white

Wolverine eating a white man. All bets are officially off!

Everybody be cool. These white spear chuckers look like they mean business,

and I mean "business" as in trouble, not as in commerce.

You know, I can appreciate a man that takes care of his children. I find it really moisturizing.

Yeah, well, you know... Cream Corn loves the orphans.

- Wait, you said you find it what? - A man that loves children really gets me pumped,

- really puts the dew on my lily. Drip, drip. - [ gags ] Oh, god, I think

- I just threw up inside my mouth. - Treat me like a stamp!

Just lick me, stick me, and send me the [bleep] away! You really do want to keep these

- kids, right? Then [bleep] me now! - Honey Bee-e-e-e!

But they just don't know how much work it is taking care of both

whores and orphans simultaneously, let alone keeping up with my fine ninjutsu.

You're such a good listener. Mmm, a little lower, please. Where was I?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, don't get me wrong. Black Dynamite cares about all of us.

Oh, but he's so tough, he parts

his hair with an axe. Yeah, they are something else. But you know what?

As much as you're a fine listener, I got to get back home to my orphans and whores.

Agh! What the hell?! What are you doing?!

It ain't that kind of party, baby!

Ain't that just like a man? And all this time, I thought you appreciated

my company, but you ain't nothing but a big, old, dirty white monkey!

With a little dick, at that! What is that?! I can't even see it!

How you gonna have big-ass monkey feet and a little, tiny sausage?!

Yikes! I guess I shouldn't have said that!

I mean big! Big sausage!

Yes! Hot big diggity dog!

Entertain Yakub, my white Harlem Globetrotter.

And for that, you live to dunk another day!

- Now you entertain me, white Bill Cosby. - Hey, man, what about that Yakub?

This guy has got a head the size of two big-headed men!

- What'd you say?! - His head's so big, it's got its own satellites!

No one talks about Yakub's big-ass head! Feed him to the white

great white sharks! Now entertain Yakub, white Sammy Davis Jr.

Faster!

- Faster! - What kind of white-washed

- fantasy island bull [bleep] is this? - Greetings, Black Dynamite.

It is everything you would have in a white-man-dominated

world reversed. You see, here I am figuratively the white man

being catered to and served by my white/black servants!

Through painstaking genetic manipulation,

I have created a whole ecosystem of white creatures and people.

I have even kidnapped my favorite black entertainers and turned them white!

Behold my latest creation, white Dolly Parton!

- Oh, look at that! - White?

- Look at the titties. - She's already white!

Really? White? Dolly Parton?

It cannot be right. All this time.

Maybe she was in shadow.

You diabolical race changer! Only a white man in a black man's body

would turn the white man into the black man by turning the black man white!

I love your fire, Black Dynamite. You know, I could use a white man

just like you. I am about to extract all the black from Black Dynamite

so I will have my own White Dynamite!

Get the magnets!

Start the process!

Black Dynamite!

Honey Bee!

Black Dynamite, you came for me! You ain't the first.

I'm sorry I wasn't sensitive to your needs, but right now, it looks like you

need me to rescue you from this giant ape and [bleep] up island.

So let's just call it even.

Noooo!

Follow me, you honky monkey!

Suey!

Honky Kong! Don't die, Honky Kong!

I might not be into big, white monkeys or little dicks

or white monkeys with little dicks

or little dicks in general, but if I was,

I would choose you! Oh, but thank god I'm not.

I'll always remember you, my sweet Honky... Kong!

What the [bleep]!

Now, ain't that a bitch?

Everybody listen up 'cause apparently this message extends outside

our little whorephanage. No more taking Honey Bee for granted. Can you dig it?

Wait, who's watching the orphans?

Uh, I feel used. You gonna call me tomorrow?

Yeah, I'll call you. Oh, excuse me...

you still got my dentures on your dick.