Original subtitles

Every school year there were always days when students had to do special assignments

Good morning everybody

Some were easy like Thanksgiving

Your assignment is to write a report about what you're thankful for

And Martin Luther King Day

Your assignment is to report about what you would dream about

if you were about to be shot

Some were a lot harder

This week is my favorite holiday: Earth Day

Or as you would say Chris "Earf Day"

If you live on Earth isn't every day Earth Day?

What's Earth Day?

Well Chris people are destroying the planet with things like plastic bags and cans bottles and indestructible foodstuffs

On Earth Day we put forth our best efforts to save the planet

I thought saving the planet was a waste of time

because I was too busy trying to save me

I tried saving my face

I tried saving my ass

I even tried saving my future kid's ass

To this day I love geography

Your assignment is to do something you think will help save the Earth

Greg

You mean something like building a solar-powered tanning bed?

Isn't that what the beach is?

That's very good Greg

Chris what would you like to do?

I knew my dad had a truck and Bed-Stuy was a mess

So I had the perfect project

Uh collect cans and recycle them?

That's wonderful

Then you could take the money and do something for the environment

You could plant a tree

Maybe I could plant my foot in your b--

Having my father help me with my Earth Day project

seemed like a great idea until he found out about it

Earth Day?

It's the day we try to save the Earth

I have a project to do too

Well Earth Day must not be too important if I still got to go to work

Are the banks closed?

You still got to feed the parking meters?

And what are you doing to save the Earth?

I'm recycling cans

and the money I make I'm going to use to help the environment

Just like Bono

I don't know Chris

Sounds like it might take too much time

Julius your son is trying to save the Earth

Are you going to help him or not?

My father had been asked that question before

and there was only one right answer

whether it was something minor:

Are you going to do the dishes or not?

Or something major:

Are you going to propose to me or not?

Here you go baby

Oh!

Thank you

See?

Sure I'll help you out

Here's your first can

I hope you get an A

Thanks Dad

What are you doing boy?

I have to build a car out of this piece of wood

I want to know what you're doing with my potatoes

That's how I'm going to power it

It's environmentally friendly

You wasting my potatoes is butt-whipping friendly

Wait till he finds out Drew's making the engine out of steak

Listen to this: "Dear parent

"your daughter Tonya has been cited "for a conduct violation

"and your presence is being requested for a conference"

What kind of conduct violation?

She said I was being rude and belligerent

Ain't no damn body rude and belligerent

I'm going to go down there and show them what rude and belligerent is

No kidding

Rude and belligerent

While I had my father on my side

my mother was going to get a teacher off of Tonya's back

I don't see why I have to take a whole day off of work

to come down here for this nonsense

I don't think it's nonsense

Tonya was exhibiting aggressive behavior toward a classmate

I just wanted you to be aware of it

I was just trying to read and she wouldn't be quiet

Girl you interrupt me again

I'm going to knock the sound out of your mouth

How was she being aggressive?

Apparently Tonya turned toward her study partner and said this:

You'll get to hear it on the unrated DVD

Did you say this?

Sorta

Well she was trying to study right?

That's not the point

Oh well I think it is

This is school and her behavior will not be tolerated

Her behavior?

What about the other little girl's behavior?

Why don't you have her mother come down here and tell her kid to shut up

while my baby is trying to study?

That's neither here nor there

Then please where is it?

What I'd like to ask is do you know where Tonya got this language from?

My mother had two answers to that question

Answer A:

She got it from this knot I'm about to put upside your head

And answer B:

Well I don't know but it won't happen again

Have a nice day Tonya come on

I want to get transferred

Girl don't backtalk me right now Now is not the time

At Doc's I was setting out on my master plan

If you want to save the Earth

you better figure out what to do about them Russians

They got bombs

My whole family worked in the fields

I hate fields

I love concrete

You can't grow cotton on concrete

I help the environment by driving as much as I can

You ever ride that train?

That train is filthy man

You know it's dirty as hell when rats got footies on

You want to save this planet?

Get rid of them trains Get rid of them trains

I help the environment by wearing wigs

People put a whole lot of chemicals in their hair Then they wash it out

It goes right into the river

People got to drink that water

When you done with a wig just flush it down the toilet

If it ends up in your glass well at least you can see it

I use "I Can't Believe This Is Not Margarine"

It tastes real great

Plus it has paudridridamadra- hydraglycerin

That saves cows

If the Earth died that would be tragic

but I sure like to sell that coffin

So how'd it go with Tonya?

Her teacher is crazy That's how it went

What happened?

I was trying to study and this girl kept talking so I told her

If you don't shut up I'm going to slap the chatter out of you"

And she left me alone

Wow you sound just like mom

No she doesn't

She does

I mean just a little

So you think that this is my fault?

Well you do kind of always yell

Okay then fine I'll stop

What? That's funny?

Yes

You're going to stop yelling?

Yes I'm going to stop yelling

You just watch

I got five dollars says you won't last a week

Bet

My money's on him

My father had promised to help me collect cans

but all he was collecting was some shut-eye

Dad

Dad

You think we can go out and get started?

Started on what?

Collecting cans

What cans?

For my project

What project? My school project

What school project?

Collecting cans

Chris I'm tired

Can't you do it yourself?

Yeah I guess I can start by myself

A kid collecting cans with his dad is recycling

A kid collecting cans by himself is bum practice

Dad?

Well Earth, it's just us

Since my dad wouldn't help me

It looked like I'd have to save the Earth all on my own

Unfortunately you could turn in cans for money and every bum in Bed-Stuy knew it

They may be bums but they're not lazy bums

Hey Chris

What are you doing in there?

Collecting cans

Turn in enough

get a lot of cash plus it's good for the environment

What are you doing soldier?

I'm trying to collect cans too It's for my Earth Day project

Want to collect cans around here? You got to be quick

Yeah I guess so

Got to be quicker than that

And not mind sitting in garbage

After a few days I could see that my recycling project was no can do

You've got to be quick to get the cans That's a big business

I thought my dad was going to be helping me

This was supposed to be easy

Maybe you should switch projects

Yeah now all I have to do is come up with a solar-powered excuse

I'd help you but I ran into a major problem

What happened?

While I was making my tanning bed

I accidentally invented an incandescent light bulb

that won't burn out for 600 years

That's amazing Then you'll definitely get an A

- I can't turn that in - Why not?

Are you crazy?

I'd be a marked man

I'm not taking down every major power company in the nation

They'd have me killed in a minute

So I decided to switch projects

I'm going with a dung-powered radar system

US patent number D349127

So what are you going to do?

Well I figure there's a bunch of cans around here somewhere

I might as well just keep looking

See these two little cup-like things?

Mm-hm?

Put the potatoes in them

Take one of these little electrodes and plunge it into the potato there

and take the other one and plunge it into the other potato

Back at home my mother needed help too

Drew what is all this stuff on the table?

Boy you better clean this table before I knock--!

Are you yelling?

No

Sweetie

When you get a chance would you mind putting this stuff away

so I-I-I can set the table for dinner?

Yeah I'll do it in a minute

Hi Tonya

Did Daddy say you could have ice cream before dinner?

Nope but I got hungry

But Tonya it's almost dinnertime I don't want you to ruin your appetite--

Mama don't worry about it I'm going to eat my dinner

This is like watching a volcano almost erupt

Outside calm inside furious

Tonya why are you reading at the table?

Why aren't you eating dinner?

I'm just not hungry

well maybe it's all that ice cream you had before dinner

Yeah maybe

Who said you could eat ice cream before dinner?

- Nobody - That's the problem

What?

Nothing

So Chris how's your project coming along?

Okay

Um me and Dad are just trying to figure out a time that's good for us to go looking for cans

Yeah we're working on the time

Oh okay that's nice I'm sure you two will work it out

I'm not

Well I finally figured out my project

I hope you figured out how to clean that mess up

I-I built a potato clock

Now all I have to do is paint it

Paint?

On my dining room table?

Oh no you don't You're not getting me

I'm keeping that five dollars

Paint all you want

Paint 20 potatoes if you have to Drew

Are those my good potatoes?

Not anymore

Yeah but I'll chop 'em up

and make French fries after I turn my project in

Hey check it out I put a calendar on the front

I thought you were supposed to be making a car

I thought you were supposed to be eating your dinner

I was but the potatoes were too weak to run it

I wonder how many potatoes we need to get rid of the light bill

Enough to make mashed potatoes for the next million years

So Dad you think you could pick me up after school tomorrow?

For what?

To pick up cans

Yeah yeah cans

No problem

Work tomorrow? No problem

Unfortunately for me if you offer my dad a job

he forgot about everything else

So Dad

I'm going to come straight home after school tomorrow okay?

Oh I'm sorry Chris I just picked up an extra shift

I get paid time and a half but

hey you're doing okay though right?

Yeah Dad I'm fine

All right I knew you would You're the man That's my boy

We learned the reason my mother yelled wasn't because she liked yelling

it was because if she didn't yell

no one would hear her

Drew wake up

Hey--

Chris you're going to be late

I'm coming

Okay fine

Don't go to school Grow up stupid

Tonya wake up baby

All right all right

Five more minutes

See?

Oh this is what I'm talking about

I try to be nice

and this is the thanks I get

Yeah I try not to be rude and belligerent

If I wasn't nothing would get done around here

But that's okay

Oh okay I guess I'm supposed to clean this up too?

Oh no no no problem Mr Potato

I'll clean you up

I have nothing else better to do

No please you sit right there

I'll be back No really stay!

No it's okay

It's okay because--

Uh-oh

Now that is just nasty

After searching around I found a few cans

but what I really needed was some help

There he is officer That's the man

hold it right there, stop

That's my boy

If I ever needed my dad's help I needed it then

Dad?

Dad!

Dad! Ah dang it

Wait!

Move move move

Dad?

I'm not your daddy

Am I?

No

Thank you God

To get cans to recycle first I had to cycle them

Hey baby what you doing?

I looked everywhere and I couldn't find any cans So I figured I'd get my own

Want a soda?

Yeah thanks

You mean to tell me you and your daddy couldn't find one can?

I didn't want to tell on my dad

but I didn't want to lie

Well Dad hasn't really had any time to come looking for cans with me

He's been working

Really

My project was on its last leg

And for my mother that was the last straw

Julius wake up!

Oh oh what's going on? What? What?

I thought you were gonna help Chris with his homework

I was I am

When?

I don't-- Rochelle I've been working

Oh and I've just been laying around the house all day?

Is that what it is?

I ask you to help that boy with one homework assignment in what 15 years?

And you can't even do that!

All I ask you to do is take the boy and pick up some cans

I'm sorry

"I'm sorry" You ought to be!

Your son needed your help with one school assignment but ,no you were too busy

But baby--

But-but-but what?

Are you going to help him or not?

Mm

That's exactly what I thought

Hm

Take your money

I'm ba-ack!

After school I was in for a big surprise

Dad?

What's wrong?

What happened?

Whoa calm down

I'm here to help you with your Earth Day project

I thought you had to work

I do

Now let's go get these cans

Looks pretty full

Yeah so you want to take it to the recycling center?

No let's take it first thing in the morning

Yeah

So Tonya I know you heard me scream yesterday

Yeah, are you sorry?

No I'm not sorry and I'll tell you why

You can only talk that way to someone when you love them

But you have to be nice to the people that you don't know

But that doesn't make any sense

No it doesn't make any sense

but it so happens to be true

Like when Bush got reelected

but How can it be true if it doesn't make any sense?

Because that's just the way the truth is

Oh

So this means that I'm going to go back to yelling at everybody

Because you love us?

Exactly

So I can yell at you too?

Mm if you want the fillings knocked out of your face go right ahead

I'd collected cans now it was time to cash in

Sorry you had to miss work for this Dad

That's okay

So how much money did you make?

One hundred? $200?

Six

Six hundred dollars?

No six dollars

I can't do anything with this

How am I supposed to save the Earth with six dollars?

You know what Chris?

To some people six dollars is a lot of money

You said you wanted to help the planet

I just hope he knows this is cash not a salad

Hey Kill Moves Konnichiwa!

Oh

Hey Chris

I got something for you

- Uh what's this for? - Earth Day

Earth Day huh?

Hm thanks

Hey

Happy Earth Day

Let's get you to school

People talk about saving the planet by picking up cans and bottles

but the one thing I learned from Earth Day

was that saving the planet meant a lot to me

but doing it with my father meant the world to me

So Chris tell us about your Earth Day project

Oh well me and my dad collected a truckful of cans

Chris that's wonderful

And I gave the money to somebody less fortunate

I mean there's no reason to save the Earth if you can't save the people

Oh Chris that's so profound

Other than the fact that you can see Stevie Wonder's got nothing on you

I know in my heart

that money is somehow going to help us all

So we have 13 Styrofoam ice chests

four cans of aerosol spray paint

one pack of cigarettes a gallon of whisky

and one container of "I Can't Believe It's Not Margarine"

Would that be paper or plastic?

Plastic

Happy Earth Day