All language subtitles for Watch.It.Sailor.1961.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.BZ]

Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.

Love is abroad no matter where you may
be.

Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.

The lock of your heart whenever you're
in from sea.

Wherever a port or harbor can be seen
upon the chart, you'll find a dame all

ready to claim a lonely sailor's heart.

Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.

Once you hold her hand, you'll land
in...

Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.

Love is ahead wherever the fleets have
flown.

Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.

Somebody's kiss can help you to miss the
boat.

No matter if it's Hawaii or the Straits
of Singapore, the girls are there, you'd

better beware the danger on the shore.

Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.

Grudging a bit of pleasure makes a
change for a wedding.

I should have listened to my father. He
warned me.

Take a look at the bride's mum, he said.

There's your wife, he said, in a few
years' time. Come on, Albert, we'll be

late.

I'll have another, please. No, no.

Albert, you mustn't arrive in church
smelling of liquor.

But it's my voice, my nerves.

I won't be able to say I will.

I will.

Never use those words, son.

Look upon that picture.

And on this.

Before and after.

Two years of married bliss and a mother
-in -law.

Don't do it, son.

Turn again, Williamson.

And run for it.

Albert, you've got to go to the church
and get my... A man doesn't count for

anything.

When he's born, they say, how's the
mother?

And when he marries, they say, oh,
lovely bride.

And when he dies, they ask, how much has
he left?

You're wasting your breath.

They've gone.

That's right.

Gone, rushed to doom.

The only time my wife ever listens to me
is when I'm talking to another woman.

Have you been a bridesmaid before?

Been a bridesmaid? That's the story of
my life. Then you know what to do.

Follow the bride discreetly and
demurely.

He's not here.

Like my old woman.

But I know... Oh, for Pete's sake,
driver, come on, come on, get the top.

panic, Norton.

Get it up, get it up, get it up.

Get it up, that's right. Now, don't
panic, Norton, don't panic.

Remember the old signal England mixed?
Yes, but you know, I'm getting married.

should have been in the church ages ago.

I've never let a bridegroom down yet.

You'll slice the main dress, all right.

She'll wait for you.

They always do.

Shut up, Henry.

Well, I was only going to say... Never
mind what you were going to say. Shut

Don't you say to Shirley that this is
not the way to conduct a wedding?

What wedding?

Precisely, Mrs. Hornet, what wedding?

We can't perform the marriage ceremony
without a bridegroom, can we?

I do sympathize with you in your
distress, but we mustn't rule out a

simple explanation.

It's us that's simple, not the
explanation.

You're forgetting, Becker.

Albert Tufnell's a sailor, and you know
what sailors are. Oh, yes, indeed.

Bright and breezy, free and easy. I
remember when I was a curate, two

once... You're not giving us anywhere.
What do we do now?

I'll tell you what you do.

Speak when you're spoken to.

It's all your fault anyway, bringing a
sailor into the house. Oh, no.

No, I suggest... I know what you're
going to suggest.

Find Albert Tufnell and trap him in
jail.

He's probably done this to half a dozen
girls, led them up the garden path, had

his fun and gone with the wind.

Precisely. Oh, dear me, no, no, no. I'm
sure he'll turn up. You know he'll cry,

the Navy's here. No, it isn't the Navy
we're looking for, just one sailor.

You'll find him, Mrs. Holmes. Will I?

Oh, wait till I do.

As it happens, I have a funeral in a
quarter of an hour, fortunately.

Unfortunately.

But I can perform the ceremony for the
wedding at 2 .30.

You know how it is. In the midst of
life, we are in death.

Now, take a more, Emerald.

There's a different cup of tea.

No wonder you boys needed a drink.

Poor old Henry Ornette.

Poor old... Albert, I think we'd better
run for it.

We're very far.

Run into it.

Oh, I'm not going to the wedding, Mrs.
Mottram. No, like myself, you haven't

been asked.

Emma doesn't think we're good enough.

I wouldn't go to her funeral now if she
asked me.

Oh, I was asked, but I couldn't face it,
you know, not the church part of it. I

couldn't have stood the sprain of seeing
Shirley say I will and remembering you.

Yes, remembering that you were left at
the altar yourself years ago. I know.

Oh, don't, Mrs.

Mottram, don't.

I mustn't think of my great sorrow, must
I? Not today, aye? No, just as well to

give it a rest. for one day in 20 years.

Well, I must fly now, because they'll be
waiting for me at Banfield's Tea Rooms

for the reception.

Come on, Shirley.

Come on. And don't say a word to nobody.
Nobody, do you hear? Oh, be quiet.

Now, Daphne, take her straight into the
house. Go on, straight in.

Oh, April, I can't stand it. Well,
you've got to stand it. We've all got to

stand it. Come on, who's got the key?
Come on, easy.

And whatever you've seen or haven't
seen, I thank you, Maisie Mottrell, not

start putting two and two together...

Morning, Peggy. Morning, Mr. Hornet.
Well, good old Henry Hornet.

The usual, Mr. Hornet. Oh, no, I did.

Have you seen two sailors?

All dolled up for a wedding. One a
Scotty. That'll be dead.

They left for church ages ago.

And the prisoner drank a hearty
breakfast before he walked to the

You must have a drink with me. Oh, no, I
can't.

Don't drink. The same as usual for my
old...

Oh, Charlie.

Well, Henry.

That's what I said.

Well, I might as well have one now I'm
here.

Yes, the jolly old bachelors.

Yeah, they say that marriage is a
lottery.

It means rubbish.

In a lottery, you do get a chance.

What chance have you got, Henry Hornet?
Oh, I don't know. I'm not complaining.

Not complaining?

No. In a way, I...

I love my wife.

Your Emma must have changed quite a lot.

I'll say she has. She's changed me
bells, me nights out, and me football.

Poor old Charles Lee.

Then that's enough of that sort of talk.
Throw yourself in the canal, indeed.

No man's worth the sacrifice, least of
all Albert Tufnell.

Besides,

that canal's a disgrace.

I wouldn't throw a cat in it. Still, I
can understand how Shirley feels,

Don't, Shirley, don't.

house as you feel inclined liberty hall
that's what this has been ah but we're

going to change all that there are going
to be no more liberties taken here from

now on believe me have you been talking
to anyone i dropped it on this spot

about a set of words

Did you find him?

No. What a thing to ask.

How are the ferrets? All right.

Yes. Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I'm sure
it's going to make Shirley's cross so

much easier to bear knowing that your
ferrets are happy.

What's that?

What?

Someone on my stairs.

Oh, where do you think you're going? I'm
going back to the church.

To be baptized, I suppose.

Will you stay right here, my girl?

Aunt Emma, you're not talking to your
daughter now, you know. If I want to go

back to the church, I shall go.

Daphne Pink, you dare to talk to me like
that?

Someone's got to sometime.

I'm going back to the church.

What must he be thinking? He must be
absolutely miserable and through no

of his own.

That poor lad.

That poor lad.

Why, Albert Tuftell, isn't what...
You're not talking about Albert.

You are.

Who are you talking about, then?

Carnoustie. Yes, Carnoustie.

After all he's seen going on in this
house, I wouldn't be surprised if he

doesn't come straight back for his
things and catch the first train to

For all I care, he can catch the one
before. Nobody wants to see him again.

You do.

You do?

You do.

I love him.

Well, that isn't disgusting.

Being in love with someone isn't
disgusting.

Of course you wouldn't know that. You've
never been in love with anyone but

yourself. When your mother hears what
you've said... You'll never forgive me

having said it before she did.

Henry, did you ever hear such black
wickedness? Me, in love with myself?

Oh, I don't know.

What's wrong in loving yourself if
nobody else does?

I forbid you to leave this house. Your
uncle and I forbid you. Yes, you do.

You can forbid till you're blue in the
face, but I'm still going.

And if Carnoustie asks me to marry him,
I'm going to say yes.

And if he doesn't ask me to marry him,
I'm going to make him ask me.

Henry!

Yes, Emma?

Where do you think you're going?

To get my slippers.

Come down here at once, Henry Hornet. At
once, do you hear?

Have another cup of tea, Shirley, love.
It's nice and fresh.

I won't say no.

I've got a nice fresh cup of tea all
poured out for you, Henry.

Well, you know what you can do with it.
Oh, Henry, oh, don't. Oh, don't, Henry.

Don't draw the wrath of heaven down on
this house again.

It's visited us once before this
morning.

Visited us?

It's lived with her since the day I
married it. Oh, Henry, you should know

talk of him as the brother of Henry. Oh,
dear.

Did anyone say anything?

No. Good.

Aren't these lovely?

In that case, get yourself down to
Banfield's tea rooms and tell them that

reception's been cancelled. What now?

What will they think?

They're paid to cater, not to think.

I'll tell him I want everything, and I
mean everything, packing and sending

round right away. And you'd better take
a basket down with you and bring enough

food back for us.

Yes. We may all be dying of grief, but
there's no need to die of starvation as

well.

What about the presents, the beautiful
presents?

Presents? There are dozens of them.

Twenty -three.

Twenty -three dozens?

Twenty -three presents, and I want them
all packing up.

It's so terrible.

I'll never live it down.

Oh, Albert, where are you?

Emma, ask him.

He's here.

He's coming down the street.

Albert, my darling. When he does come
in, shall he haunt it?

nice and tactful.

Tell him we have a fatted calf in the
pantry.

Ask him if he'd like that as well.

Yes, I will. Oh, fatted calves, then.

No, it wasn't our fault at all. His car
broke down.

There.

Didn't I say it was all your fault?

What? We must have Wilson's cars, you
said.

Nice, quiet engines, you said.

But what's the good of quiet engines if
they don't go?

I was beginning to think we'd never see
you again.

Aye. Poor Shirley.

It would have broken her wee heart.

Well, I've got a wee heart too,
Carnoustie.

Aye, well, of course, it would have
broken your wee heart too.

Well, I'll say it would.

Well, I mean, I can't have found you out
of Shirley.

Oh, who's talking about Shirley?

Well, I know.

No, I know.

Oh, why isn't it leap year?

Leap year?

Oh, why?

Oh, really, Carnoustie, you... You can't
be as dumb as you look.

Don't you know that in leap year, a girl
can tell a man that she... Well...

Well, you're not saying that you've
fallen for me.

I am.

Kilt, plaid and bell -bottoms.

This is terrible.

Dreadful.

Shocking!

I didn't. I mean, I wasn't.

Oh,

Albert, I wish you'd give this best man
of yours a few lessons.

He holds a girl as if she were a set of
bagpipes.

Well, I'm surprised to hear you say that
about him, Daphne.

After all, it was Carnoustie who taught
me all my tricks.

Well, how can you say such a thing?

allowed you to feed me a pack of lies
and against my better judgment and

i don't seem to have any say in my
family no more and because i don't want

daughter to be disgraced in the eyes of
my neighbors may the lord have mercy on

her soul i'll allow the wedding to go on
but if it's going on let's get it over

with definitely i've never yet seen a
bridesmaid walk down the aisle in a

and skirt and you're supposed to be on
your way to the vicar Enter church.

Come on now, come on.

I will stay there till you come, Mars.

Mrs. Hornet.

Now, have you got the ring? Aye, Mrs.
Hornet. Oh, never mind the striptease.

Now listen, Canoustie, don't let him out
of your sight. No, Mrs. Hornet. Not

under any circumstances whatsoever.

No, Mrs. Hornet. Not even if he wants
to. Aye.

Well, if he does want to, tell him he'll
have to wait.

Aye, Mrs. Hornet.

I'll see you at church.

Happy now?

Shirley, I'll give you a tip.

If when you're married and you want your
mother's advice, come to your father.

Wouldn't you like to be going on your
honeymoon, Dad?

No.

I'd just like to be going.

Well, if we're going to have a wedding,
Shirley, hadn't you better go and wash

your face? You don't want to go to
church with eyes as red as a

And if I dare open my mouth to you,
Henry Hornet, it wouldn't be a bad idea

you had a good brush down.

Edie!

You ain't saying anything?

Close brush.

Where's your hat? Might as well start at
the top.

Ooh.

Come over here.

Give it to me.

Come on.

If you wouldn't be asking too much...
When you bring your daughter to the

this time, try and look as if you were
thinking of her and not of your blooming

ferrets. Yes, Emma.

And remember, we've got to behave as if
nothing had happened.

We've got to smile, smile and smile
again.

And we'll have that back where you found
it.

Yes, Emma.

Foot up.

Foot up.

run the island. Were you here still?

Nobody would think you'd home of your
own, would they? Well, it got creased.

Walking ashtray.

I suppose you're coming to the wedding
again. Oh, yes, I'll be coming.

Trust you not to miss nothing.

I was just telling Henry here, we've got
to behave as if we're under care in the

world. We must smile, smile and smile
again.

I'll smile, all right.

And see, it's on the right side of your
face.

Now, you stand over there and keep
quiet.

Where's Shirley's bouquet?

Edie's got it out in the kitchen. She
said something about giving it a drink

tea. Oh, now, Julie, now.

I thought

I wanted a drop of water.

Maybe, but these were going under for
the third time.

Not being able to see through brick
walls, I can't say.

Suppose you go and see.

Oh, yes.

That's a good idea.

I'll bet it's Albert.

Well, I suppose there's something wrong
with everybody.

But it would take the Queen's doctors
and the whole of Harley Street to say

was wrong with her.

Got your spectacles in your hat, did you
know?

Oh!

What is it, Emma? Tell us. Yes,

Emma.

Make another pot of tea. Tea?

I said tea.

Tea.

And Edie. Yes, Emma.

Put in two for the pot.

Two for the pot.

You mean the wedding.

It's off again.

That's just what I mean. I don't believe
it.

I don't believe it. You don't believe
it.

You don't believe it.

Then listen to this, Henry Hornet.
Listen to this and may every word burn

way into the heart you never had.

Oh, what does it say?

I'm trying to break it to you gently.

Able seaman Tufnell, care of eight
Pretoria villas. Yes, yes, yes, we know

to dress. Victor Rhodes.

For legal reasons.

Imperative, you do not marry. Stop.

Why? Solicitor contacting you. Stop.

Stop, Maine.

Stop marrying.

Oh, Daphne.

But who sent it?

Frederick Hardcastle, Lieutenant
Commander RN, Divisional Officer, HMS

Hope.

But Emma, what does it mean?

It means...

For legal reasons, imperative he does
not get married. Stop. The letters are

contacted and suffered. If you don't
know what's happened, it's every audit.

I give up.

That's what it means, you see.

I made the tea, Emma.

Oh, what?

Oh, what is it? Oh, no, don't you... Oh,
my blessed Christ, it's my poor child.

With murder in my heart, I'm asking you,
give me that teapot and go.

And go.

Have you taken leave of your senses?

Do you want to make a laughing stock of
yourself again? I don't care. I don't

care what people think.

Why should she?

No, you don't care. And you don't care.
The shame and humiliation this will

bring on me.

I've got to go on living in this street.

If you wanted to read anything, I'd have
thought you'd have read that.

Well, you've just read this to us.

I know I have.

You want to see it for yourself, don't
you? I know I would.

Yes, you would.

Of course, you're the bridegroom who
wasn't here this morning for the wedding

didn't have.

And you're the best man.

Oh, I, Padre, I... I mean you will be
when the marriage takes place.

I... You have the ring, of course.

Oh, I have the ring right here.

So often the best man... Oh.

On the ring, Padre. Then did.

You'll need it when the ceremony takes
place.

Padre, you don't think, I mean, you
don't imagine that... Carnoustie, stop

worrying. Cheryl will be here any
moment.

Yes, of course.

I expect you'll come to the reception
afterwards, Padre.

Oh, well, a little refreshment after all
this won't come amiss.

No.

Oh,

dear.

Bang goes my monthly sewing circle.

He's got to learn that he can't go about
this world picking people up and

trampling them down in the dust and get
away with it all the time. The mills of

God grind slowly, but they grind
exceeding small.

I'll see to that.

Oh, stop it, Mum. I don't want to hear
any more. I can't bear it.

Why don't you go upstairs and lie down
for a bit until he comes?

There must be a reason, though, mustn't
there? I mean, say...

They would never have sent the telegram
if there wasn't, would they?

Oh, but you can't fight fate.

That's what I'll say and that's what
I'll go on saying. I mean, once fate's

her hooks into you, you might as well
back up. I like your hat.

Do you mind?

Do you mind, all of you, if just for
once I'm allowed to hear the sound of my

own voice?

It's very kind of you all to tell me
what I ought to do, and I'm not going to

it. And now I'll tell you, for a change,
what you're going to do. Henry!

When Albert Tufnell does come, you'll
stand up to him and give him what for.

You've always said you're master in your
own house. And Flory?

I thank you to take down every word
that's said. And when we bring him to

you may be called upon as a decree
nyside.

You'll say nothing.

Edie!

Edie! Yes?

Oh, we don't want you here.

Now, down to Banfield's and go this
time.

Now, don't forget to tell them about the
presents.

They'll all have to be sent back, you
know. Weaning bottles in, ma 'am, back

I'm sure Shirley's very welcome.

Isn't he? That's very nice of you,
Flory. We're touched, aren't we,

There's quite enough rubbish in here as
it is.

Now, Edie.

Edie!

I hope you're very proud of what you've
done.

Proud of what you've done?

You never did want this marriage, did
you?

And now you've got your own back, you've
made me look like a fool.

And brought Her Majesty's navy into
ridicule.

You can tell Her Majesty from me that if
you and him are fair examples of her

navy, my heart bleeds for her. Now, I
can understand you... I can understand

wanting your revenge.

But, Cheryl, you...

You were always going to be a sailor's
wife.

Aye, a sailor's wife.

Oh, but lay off, Shirley.

And you too, Mr. Echo.

Yes, lay off.

Go on, Aunt Emma, tell them.

Tell them.

Why, what's up?

Give it to me.

What? The thing I gave you to read. Oh.

Read that, sir.

What the heck? Go on, read it out loud
and explain it if you dare.

Are your ferrets suffering from mange?

Idiot! Here, come on. What?

The telegram.

Oh.

Read that, young man.

What's it mean? It doesn't make sense.

That's to me.

Well, then you're a darn sight smarter
than I am.

Here, can I see? What do you make of
this?

Solicitor contacting you.

But, Albert, who's it from?

Frederick Hardcastle.

Lieutenant Commander of the Divisional
Officer.

Albert, what's it mean?

Well, how the hell do I know it's a
crazy mistake?

May be, but Mr.

Hardcastle's an awful, careful man. I
should have thought he'd... Thought

before sending an expensive telegram
like this.

Well, it must be a mistake.

A mistake, is it?

What do you expect us to do now?

Just say Albert says the telegram's a
mistake. Let's get on with the wedding

Bob's your uncle. Is that what you
expect?

Now, look, Ma.

You've taken advantage of my daughter.

You've deceived her. He has not.

He's not had the opportunity.

Keep after this.

Led her to believe that you were free to
marry, knowing all the time you

weren't. No, it's a lie. I didn't know.
I still don't know.

Now, what are you suggesting, Ma, that
I'd be married already?

Look, Cheryl, I swear I don't know what
that telegram meant. I swear I don't.

You do believe me, don't you?

Well, if she believes you're not, she
can't marry you. Oh, for Pete's sake,

shut up.

You're taking all this down, Florey.

Yes, Emma, shut up.

No.

Don't.

Cheryl, you do believe me, don't you?

I mean, you don't believe there was a...

Another woman.

Another woman?

Albert! Albert!

What? You wouldn't say that unless there
was another... Oh, hell!

Swearing won't help you. You've sworn
away any faith she had in you already.

I'm not talking to you, Marv. I'm not
listening to you.

I'm not even seeing you.

How does he do it?

Look, all I'm saying, Shirley, is if you
believe for once... Oh, I don't know

what to believe. After all that's
happened today, I hardly even know how

think. First you let me go to the church
and you don't turn up. Then when

everything's straightened out, that
telegram.

Oh, I'll be so humiliated.

I'll never be able to hold up my head
again.

I don't want to think anything. I don't
want to believe anything.

I just want to die.

Don't we all.

Look, Cheryl.

Oh, don't touch me. I hate you. Of
course you do.

Oh, yes, everybody seems to have it in
for me today.

You little devils.

Neil, what's fighting you, Carnage? Have
you got something on your mind?

Milford Haven.

Milford Haven?

Shh! I'm a bunny. We think carrots hate.

What's all the shushing about?

You know what? That nasty spinal bee's
into here.

Into here? What? What are you getting
at?

And what has Milford Haven got to do
with... Betty Fisher.

Eh?

Betty Fisher.

When we went into Milford Haven the last
week, did you... Did you see her? Did I

see Betty Fisher?

No, I didn't know.

Well, I did.

Did you now? Oh, and you never said.

Well, how is she looking?

Oh, yes, she was a bonny, we think.

She knows the weed just now.

You mean she's in there?

That's just what I do mean.

And when I spoke to her the day before
yesterday, she asked after you.

She asked after me? In a very curious
tone of voice.

Well, with that and that telegram
arriving, well, I was just beginning to

wonder.

Carnoustie, what are you suggesting?

Well, I'm only thinking about that night
you took her to the dance.

Oh, yes.

Oh, so that's the way your mind's
working, is it?

Now, you know very well I missed the
last liberty vote. Aye, I remember

what you said, and that you spent the
night in the YMCA, and we all thought it

rather strange.

You thought it was strange?

Well, I did know.

Oh, but you do now. Oh, but I'm only
facing the facts. I'm thinking about

telegram, and I'm thinking that possibly
Betty Fisher may have seen the

lieutenant commander. She may have seen
it.

Excuse me.

Just remembered something.

Oh, the death that she heard. I don't
give a damn whether she heard or not.

I'd ask you to remember that eight
months ago I'd just got myself engaged

Shirley. Oh, yes, that's tasty. Oh,
that's very lovely. Oh, I am surprised

you, Carnoustie.

You have the mind of a sewer rat.

Say that again.

A sewer rat.

Aye. Aye,

well.

Well, that's just about... Settles it,
then, eh?

I'll be saying goodbye to you, Albert
Tufnel, till the end of our leave.

Goodbye, Albert Tufnel.

Goodbye, Carnoustie Blonde.

Goodbye,

Mr. Hornet.

What's the hurry? I'm getting my things
on my way out of here. That's what you

think. You're not putting a step outside
this house until I know some of the

facts. I don't know what you're talking
about.

Come on in there if you please.

Albert.

Go to hell.

I'm trying to go somewhere else for a
change.

I'm sorry, Pop.

I thought it was... Tell me, Albert.

You can't lose to you. You haven't had a
row, have you?

I'll tell you the truth, Pop. Yes, we
have.

I'm sorry to hear that.

He's such a nice lad.

I'd hate to think that it was anything
that had happened here. No, no, no.

Forget it. Forget it, sir.

Let you say something.

Good pals are hard to come by.

You're my little pals, aren't you? Yeah,
little devil you.

This pin -up girl, she's just had a
family of 16.

Oh, they're wonderful things, Ferrets.
The one thing about them, they don't do

things by our hands.

Statement, if you please. Statement?

You don't leave here until I get a
statement signed, sealed and delivered.

What about?

About him and that girl from Milford
Haven.

What?

That's taken the wind out of your sails,
hasn't it?

What?

I've heard of walls having ears, but
I've never... I...

I can't do noo.

You're wired for sound all right, Mrs.

Loudspeaker. On my duty to my friends, I
hope.

Yes, it was Mrs.

Loudspeaker that told me, and why
shouldn't she? She's got girls of her

hasn't she, Flory? Yes, I have, too.

She heard you saying how Albert Tapnell
carried on with that girl from Milford

Haven, betraying and deceiving my
daughter, and I'm grateful to her for

me. I only hope I'll be able to do the
same for her one day.

Statement, please.

You can whistle for any statement from
me.

If you think I'd so far demean myself to
putting down on paper a personal

private conversation I had with my best
pal... Thanks, pal.

We'll see about this.

Where's Henry?

He's at the back with his pal. He's got
to know about this.

Do you play?

There you are. Come on. Here, dear.

And nobody in the air that feeds you if
you don't mind.

Henry!

I think I'll change my name.

What? Come on inside.

But I've got to go over here. You've got
to do as you're told. You don't know

what that lad's been up to. Whatever
he's been up to. I know. Whatever he's

up to, you don't care. So long as you
can stay here with your blessed ferrets.

But the ferrets have gone.

Henry Hornet, you frighten me. You do
straight.

There are times when I wake up in the
middle of the night and I wonder whether

I'm in bed with a man or a parrot.

And I didn't want to hear another word
out of you.

You nasty spying old beasel.

Yeah, and what's he?

A deceiver of innocent girls, and it was
only right that Shirley should know it.

Shirley?

You mean you told her? Of course I have.
It was my duty.

If it's any satisfaction to you to know
it, the poor girl's upstairs sobbing her

heart out.

You wicked old bitch.

You... Carnoustie, if you want to do me
a favour, tear her insides out and feed

them to Pop's ferrets.

Shirley!

Shirley!

Shirley!

I don't want to see him. I don't want to
see him.

Too bad. She's got to see me anyway. Oh,
great, Daphne.

Cheryl, I want you to open this door.

Cheryl, I ask you to open the door.

Albert, please.

Please, go away.

Cheryl, if you don't open this door by
the time I can't see, I'll burst it

That was very wise of you.

Don't think your ma would have fancied
the door off its hinges.

I, uh, understand Mrs.

Clacketylack told you what she happened
to overhear just now between Carnoustie

and me?

I don't even have to ask you whether you
believe it or not.

Carnoustie believes it. Why shouldn't I?

Well, yes. Well, I mean, he only
believed it until I told him the truth.

You told him the truth.

Look.

Cheryl, will you please let me explain?
What is there to explain? You can't deny

that you knew that girl at Milford
Haven. I'm not denying. There was no

that. Or that you took her to the dark.
Well, there was no harm in that. Or that

you saw her home. Or I saw her home. And
now the girl. I swear I didn't even

kiss her.

Even though you saw her home.

Sounds like a kid's fairy story to me.

Especially the bit about you spending
the night at the YMCA.

Now, look, Cheryl.

I love you.

But if you're going to believe any story
you hear, if you're going to listen to

your mum... Leave my mother out of this.

I wish I could.

Have a look at the girl's mum first.

And stop mumbling to yourself. I was
just repeating a bit of advice a very

man gave me.

Pity he didn't give it to you before you
met the girl at Milford Haven.

Blast, Milford Haven!

That's right. Lose your temper, just
like all men. Get what you want. Now,

Cheryl.

I love you. I want to marry you.

But if we're going to start our married
life with you believing any bit of

gossip you hear from a lot of tabby
cats, then we'd better call it quits

now.

Now, I know what most people think
sailors are.

You're not going to tell me I'm the
first girl. No, I'm not.

And I'm not saying that I'm the first
boy you've ever been out with.

But I'm not asking you about the boys
who kissed you.

Sure, I'm in the Navy, not in a
monastery.

But what do you expect?

I mean, months and months at sea with
nothing but a lot of men talking about a

lot of girls?

Darling. Well, I've never posed as a
saint.

It's only natural when a man... What a
digger.

Oh, Cheryl.

Cheryl, you're the only girl I've ever
wanted to marry.

You're the only girl I've ever asked.

How do I know you're telling me the
truth?

Because I'm telling it to you.

It's not your mum or Mrs.

Clacketylack.

Cheryl.

Leave me alone, Albert.

Sure, once and for all, do you want to
marry me or don't you? It makes no

difference what I want or what you want.

Oh.

So you won't even listen to me?

No.

Taking a leaf out of your mother's book,
are you?

She's not very good at listening either.

But you're going to listen, and yes, by
gosh, so is she.

Now, Albert. I'm going to cut those
apron strings you're tied to once and

all. Albert.

Come on, we're going downstairs. No, I'm
staying up here. That's what you...

Albert, put me down!

It's making me feel better already.

Whatever he says, it'll be a pack of
lies.

That's not fair, Aunt Emma. Don't you
tell me what's fair and what isn't. And

I'm disgusted with you, Daphne Pink, the
way you flung yourself at that one. You

see a man in a pair of bell -bottom
trousers and you don't know whether

coming or going.

Put me down!

Put me down!

Put her down?

Who do you think you are, Tarzan?

Pipe down, Mark.

What did you say? I said pipe down.

And if you wanted any painer than that,
shut that ruddy great trap of yours.

What? Because if you don't, I'm going to
shut it for you.

Yes.

All right, then. Now you're going to
listen to me for a change. And this

you. Now, all this Milford Haven bunkum
is bunkum and nothing else.

And as for this ruddy telegram here, I
don't know what the heck it means, but

I'm going to ring up right now and find
out.

Alfred, surprise.

I found it on the doorstep.

Someone to see you.

Shipmate of yours.

Well, if this isn't the very last straw.
As if I haven't got enough to... Woman,

will you not hold your tongue? Do you
know Ken who it is?

Stop jabbering at me in that heathen
scotch. If you can't speak civilised

English, don't speak at all. Now, young
man.

Well, I hope, ma 'am, I haven't arrived
at an inopportune moment.

All right, Lyon. Sir!

Relax, Lyon.

Sir! Both of you, relax.

Sir! Stop doing that!

Sir!

Well, you've got the telegram in time to
stop the wedding, I hope?

As bad luck would have it.

Yes, sir.

Well, if I'm not put a word in in my own
house, if I'm not presuming, I'd like

to know I'm entertaining.

Sir.

Mrs Hornet.

Lieutenant Commander Hardcastle.

Oh, it's you, is it?

Oh, well, now, perhaps we'll get the
truth at last.

Not that we haven't got it already.
Henry, Shirley!

Well, young man, let's have it.

Yes, well, I wonder if I could... Oh,
this is my husband, Henry. This is Mr...

Lieutenant Commander Hardcastle. Well,
as I was saying, this is my husband.

Pleased to meet you, sir. And this is my
daughter, Shirley.

Poor girl. How do you do? Very pleased
to meet you.

And this is... Oh, well, she's neither
here nor there.

Well, now we've got all the
introductions over.

Out, you.

Yes, but Emma. Out!

Banfieldside is sending back the
presents at once because they're

their tea rooms.

Well, go out and look after them then.

Anything but get out of here. Yes, all
right.

I've been very glad to know you, sir.

That's all right. Come on.

Now,

this

man can't marry my daughter.

What's he done?

Well, I prefer to have a word with the
able seaman alone.

Whatever you've got to say, you'll say
before this assembled company.

I'll have no hole in the corner jiggery
-pokery nonsense, thank you.

I know you sailors.

Beg your pardon, ma 'am.

Well, Tufnel, is it your wish that I...
Will you tell her straight out?

Why can't she marry my Shirley?

Very well.

It is with great reluctance that I have
to inform you that the trouble is a

question of, um, paternity.

What? Oh, no.

You dare deny it and here it comes out
of your own pal's mouth.

Pal? No, that's a lie, sir. I swear it
is. I don't care what the girls say. I

took her home from the dance, yes, I
admit that, but as for anything else, I

didn't even kiss her. I don't know what
you're talking about. What I'm talking

about when I say it's a question of
paternity. I mean your own.

Sir?

I can't stand any more of this.

Mr. Newcastle, for the last time, will
you come down to Brostacks and tell me

why Albert Tufnell can't marry my
daughter? I will, because Albert Tufnell

not Albert Tufnell.

Would you mind saying that again, sir?

You mean he isn't him? In a manner of
speaking, yes. You see... According to

you, I don't see.

I think I'm saying Albert Tufnell. You
say I'm not.

What I said, I hoped, made it clear that
Tufnell's name is not really Tufnell.

Well, uh...

Well, then, what is my name?

Thimble. Albert Thimble.

Albert?

Thimble. See?

Nearly got yourself married to a
thimble. Oh, man.

That would have given you the needle,
wouldn't it?

I wish you'd explain, sir. I will if I'm
given a chance without interruption.

Quiet, everybody.

Thank you.

Tufnel, I mean Thibault. You've no
objection to this being discussed in

I mean, it is a rather delicate
position.

Well, we've got to know, haven't we?

He was going to marry my daughter. We
want to know why he can't.

And we'll hear it from you, if you don't
mind.

Not served up second -hand by him.

Carry on, please.

Albert, if you'd rather I went... I'll
go too. No, no, no, you sit down. Of

course, if you'd rather I went, you've
only got to say the word.

In that case, Flory, I'll say it.

Go.

Go!

What? Henry, where are your manners?

Show Mrs Luck out.

I'm not one to stay where I'm not
wanted, but seeing that I was invited to

wedding that didn't come off.

Well, I'm waiting to begin.

Well, we're waiting for you, so begin.

I wonder, Emma.

I wonder if you'll ever have a wedding
in the family.

and sneaking back and listening to the
kill.

Thimble, I'm afraid this won't make very
pleasant hearing for you. Henry, come

and sit down. But you can console
yourself with the fact... And don't

You can console yourself with the fact
that you are in no way to blame, just

unfortunate victim of circumstances,
shall we say.

All right, we'll say it. Carry on.

Now, what's the matter? A headache?

No, not yet.

You never knew your mother, did you? No,
sir. I was brought up in an orphanage.

That's in your record, of course.

Well, if you know that already, what are
you doing? Mrs. Hornet, I am trying to

make excuses for your unbalanced state
of mind, shall we say.

Unbalanced?

Are you suggesting?

I am suggesting that at the moment you
are not your normal self.

Sir.

Relax, lad.

Sir.

Henry.

What? Quiet.

Christopher Robin's saying his prayers.

I'm afraid I have to tell you, Thibault,
that you were born out of wedlock. Oh,

and so you're a... I'm going to say it.

You're a... Mrs. Hornet! I'm not going
to have her or anyone else clawing over

her. Sir!

Relax.

Is that an order, sir? It is.

Well, uh...

Who was my mother, sir?

Miss Rose Symbol, a spinster.

Of course, I didn't know, so... Doesn't
matter a lot to me, I suppose.

Edie! Oh, Mrs. Hornet, please.

Yes, Edna?

Oh, is it all right, I mean, between
Albert and Shirley?

Are they going to live happily ever
after, never to part no more?

Are you dead?

No. Emma, I'm not. Only I thought you
didn't want me to listen. I'm not one to

listen behind doors or anything like
that.

The front doorbell is ringing.

Go on, I can't hear you.

Oh, yes, I can.

She's got ears like an elk head, people.

Sorry for the hiatus.

Sorry for the what? Hiatus.

So do I.

Thanks ever so for keeping your eye on
these.

They're the presents.

We're going to send them all back.

Oh, poor Shirley.

Oh, we're keeping Shirley.

You were saying there's a legal reason,
sir. Oh, yes.

Your mother took a step which was
unfortunately quite wrong in law.

She registered your birth under her
mother's own maiden name as Tufnell and

Thimble. She left her home to live in
London as Mrs. Tufnell, waiting to get

into an orphanage. And then later on,
she married and emigrated to Australia.

She died a year ago.

A widow.

Well, London solicitors have traced you
to your present assignment, the aircraft

carrier. Excuse me. Put it down.

Not on him. In the kitchen.

Aunt Edie, let me have it. It's quite
all right, dear.

You go and talk to your friend.

But Aunt Edie, the lieutenant commander,
is not my friend.

Why, have you crawled?

Aunt Edie, let me have it. Sir!

He's ever so kind of you, young man, but
you shouldn't have bothered.

In there? Yes, if you don't mind.

Wouldn't you like to go make it up now
with that other nice young sailor? I

should. I'm sure he didn't mean it,
whatever he said.

I mean, you might get called in the
night. Then you'd be sorry.

It's no use. She'll have to go.

The solicitors got in touch with the
captain.

Learning that you were being married
today, said you shouldn't be allowed to

so under a false name.

The captain instructed me to send that
telegram and suggested that I might come

down and explain to you personally.

That was very kind of the captain, sir.
It was... very kind.

Albert.

Yes, sir?

I'm... I'm... No, now.

Sir.

Yes, Miss Horner?

Does this mean that Albert won't ever be
able to get married, ever?

Oh, good heavens, no.

But hardly today.

He has to decide whether to marry as a
toughenal or a thimble.

But... And it would be very unfair to
you to allow you to marry without

the circumstances. But, sir, if it's
okay with you, there's nothing to stop

getting married right away, is there?

It's a question of changing your name. I
imagine it would take a little time.

Perhaps your clergyman could give you
special permission.

Permission?

Well, who from, sir?

Oh, from the bishop of the diocese, I
suppose.

Perhaps the Archbishop of Canterbury.

The Archbishop of Canterbury?

Excuse me.

Yes, Mrs. Orland. I've been sitting here
very quiet.

Haven't said a word.

Nobody's bothered to say a word to me.

You say that my daughter will have to
have permission to marry him.

Yes. And that the Archbishop of
Canterbury will give it to her.

Well, I understand that, sir. Cheryl? I
must have been living under a

misapprehension all these years. I
thought I was Shirley's mother, not the

Archbishop of Canterbury.

If I say that Shirley won't marry this
thimble, she won't.

And I say that with all due respect to
the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Dean

St. Paul's, and the entire Roman
Catholic Vatican.

Mrs. Hornet. You may wear a beard. You
may be a little king on your boat,

your four quarters with everyone raising
their hats to you.

But here you're of no more importance
than...

See what I mean?

Mrs. Hornet.

You've come to say what you had to say,
and you've said it. And as far as I can

see, there's nothing more for you to
say.

So, if you don't mind.

Was there anything else you wanted to
say, sir? There's a lot I'd like to say.

My car's down in the market square.
You'd better walk down there. Sir!

Everything over and done with.

Thank you, sir, for all the trouble
you've been to.

I'm, uh...

Sorry, Mother. Oh, no, that's quite all
right.

Well, I must ring the captain. Mission
completed. And then I'll be away.

Oh, you're not going?

I am.

But you haven't had a sandwich.

Won't you take one?

I've had all I can take today, thank
you. Shall I wrap some up for you?

I think you ought to try and pick a bit.
I'm sure you'll find plenty to do once

you get on the boat.

Evie! Go and get those presents
unpacked. Yes, Emma.

It's Tang.

I'm dutty about Tang.

Oh, but you're not leaving me with the
slot here.

Now. Sir.

I want a few moments alone with Thimble,
please.

Sir. Are you ready? Sir.

Right.

Mr. Horace. Sir.

Mrs. Horace.

Sir. Bye, Miss.

Relax, Mrs. Horace.

Oh, Harry.

I'll see them to the front door.

Not without me.

Oh, I could brain you.

What have I done? Making me say sir and
saluting.

What are you looking so pleased about?

Oh, it's wonderful.

Isn't it wonderful, Emma?

Six and eleven marks and Spencer.

Oh, I didn't mean this. I meant Albert
and Shirley.

Everything's come out right.

Love has found a way.

Love has found a way.

They've come together again.

Into harbour at last. Peace after the
storm. Never more to part.

Oh, Corks, what do I do?

Anything but follow us.

Well,

Henry, we've got to think.

I suppose I'll have to think for you, as
usual. What about?

Are you telling me that you've no
objection to that lad, Marion Shirley,

Oh, well... The poor lad can't help
being born out of wedlock.

He doesn't even know who his father was.

Well, do you know who your father was?

Not very well. My father was Ezra
Nightingale.

Henry, you never heard anything about my
mother.

Mother, I mean... Oh, no.

Except that she used to go to an awful
lot of whist drives, leaving your father

at home. Well, he didn't like them.

Well, he was asking for trouble, wasn't
he?

Letting her go on her own?

For all he knows, somebody might have
trumped her ace.

But everyone might call him that. Well,
what does it matter if they do?

Why, all my pals have been calling me
poor old bastard for years.

Henry Horn, Ed.

Oh, they made it very kindly.

Emma, if you stop this mess... Who said
I was going to stop it? If Shirley wants

to marry Albert, she can.

After he's taken his rightful name and
not before.

I'll have no sitting down to dinner
before the gong goes.

Uncle Henry, what's up now?

There'll be no wedding today anyhow.

Well, I'll... Well, I'll but do.

I wouldn't blame him whatever he did,
poor young devil.

I'd hardly blame him if he took his
honeymoon first and his wedding after.

I'm going out to buy ferrets.

Well, there's one thing I promise you,
Carnoustie.

There won't be any trouble like this
over our wedding.

Our wedding?

Well, I did tell you I'd agree to marry
you, didn't I?

You've not been asked.

Well, ask it me now.

Edie! Where do you think you're going?

I'm going, Emma.

I'm going right away before I change my
mind. Going where?

Well, to the church, of course. To the
wedding.

What? Yes, Emma. I'll crush my great
sorrow deep down inside me and I'm going

see Shirley and Albert married.

They're coming together again. I want to
be there when they join.

I'm telling you, there is... I only
decided after a struggle that I'll put

best clothes and borrow them.

My best clothes, you mean? And you can
go and take them off again.

Well, I... I can't go to church without
me clothes on.

How many times am I going to tell you
there isn't going to be any wedding?

Oh, Emma, you wicked.

You've come between them. You're not
going to let them marry. All because

Albert was born out of bedlock.

Bedlock? I'm warning you, Emma. You're
playing fast and loose with fate.

Don't do it, Carl.

Don't just do it.

Surely an Albert was made for one
another, like salmon and cucumber.

That'll be Albert back.

Now they'll be back on murder and sudden
death.

Oh, yes, but, darling, all my leave's up
in two weeks. Then I've got three

months' foreign service to do.

Have you heard the latest?

We have.

Are you going to stand for it? What else
can we do?

I'll tell you what you can do.

You can take your honeymoon first and
your wedding after.

Well, it's Uncle Henry's idea, not mine.

Do you mean go to Brighton as if we were
married?

Oh, I couldn't be doing such a thing.

Well, I'd like Aunt Emma to think you've
done it.

And if she thought you had, she'd run
you and Albert to the church so fast

you'd be married before you realised it.

Yeah, she's right, honey.

Anyway, you won't be alone. We'll be
with you.

Is there no limit to your simpleness,
woman?

What I'm suggesting is...

that we'd go with Shirley and Albert
playing gooseberry.

And although Aunt Emma won't know it,
Shirley and I will be sharing one room

you and Albert another.

Oh.

I see.

And you can take that look of
disappointment off your face.

We'll see what we can do about it.

You know, Daphne, you've got something
there.

What do you say, Cheryl?

Now, it's all up to you.

Do we?

Yes, Albert. Why not?

Good for you.

Now, you're packed up and laid all down
to, Albert. I'll just go and get ready.

We'll need a taxi.

No, wait a minute. I'll get one. I'll
get it to wipe around the corner.

Can you be ready in five minutes? Oh,
less than that.

It is a bit of an anxious moment, isn't
it?

Aye.

Bringing two unmarried people together
is an awful risk.

Sure is in no more danger from Albert
than I am from you.

That's not saying much.

Well, I don't be too sure of that.

How about then?

For us?

Well, I'm talking about men and women in
general, about the fiery elements in

the nature.

Can't you see?

Well?

Have you got a fiery element?

I'm capable of emotion.

I'll have you know that at times I'm
carried away on a mighty tide of

Well, is it high tide now?

Aye.

Aye, it is.

Oh, it's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

But you mustn't do it.

Oh, don't stop it from me, dearest. All
right, but take us to the corner. I've

got the bags down. We're off.

Off? Albert, where are you going?

I'm ready, Albert, and I've done some
new labels.

You're never eloping.

Shirley, you can't do it. Albert, love,
you can't do it. It's flying in the face

of Emma. As long as we're flying.

Daphne, you're not going too with
Carnoustie.

Aren't I?

It's a Brighton.

Brighton? But you're not even engaged.
She's a sailor.

Aunt Edie, out of the way. No, Albert,
love, I've got to stop you. My

tells me I've got to stop you. Aunt
Edie.

but he can have daughters.

I wouldn't be bothered with him, I'll
tell you that now.

Look, is my call ever coming through,
please?

Yes, sir. Just a minute for you.

All right.

Send

a

signal to 85, telling them... See what
it is.

Yes? One moment, sir.

For you, sir, Lieutenant Commander
Hardcastle.

Oh, yes, that's that Tufnell symbol
business.

Yes, Hardcastle?

Oh, Hardcastle speaking, sir.

Just reporting, mission completed.

I saw Tufnell and he said... Oh, I
wonder he didn't say something stronger.

I should have done so in his place.

Wedding blitzed and all that.

What's that?

He didn't say blind O 'Reilly, but dash
it all, you just said he... I'm ever so

glad I found you. He never after you was
the one.

I think he's pickled.

What in heaven's name are you trying to
say?

Will you please take your hand off my
leg, woman?

Who the devil's with you, Hardcastle?

It is there.

It's tickling me.

Hardcastle, what's going on your end? I
distinctly heard a woman's voice.

Woman's voice, sir.

Oh, no, no, no. Must be a cross line.

Now, as I said about Tuffnell... Mm
-hmm.

Well?

Yes, yes.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. What's that?

You told him what?

One of all the blithering nitwit idiots,
who told you to tell him that?

Well, um... Where is Tufnell?

That's what I wanted to tell you. He's
eloped.

That's what I wanted to tell you. He's
eloped.

Eloped? You've probably put the lid on
the whole business. The rawest snotty

could have done better than that.

Now just you find him and tell him what
I've told you, understood?

Find him!

There he goes to show you never can
tell.

Hardcastle of all people with some hot
cookie in a telephone box.

All he was happily married with three
children, sir.

The train will come.

Are you cold, honey?

No, I just thought something terrible
might happen before we can get away.

Everything's happened already. What else
could?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

A ticket, please.

We're not travelling. Well, you want a
platform ticket or something?

Oh, my.

Stop pushing.

Where's my husband?

I don't know. It's not my department.
That's lost property.

He was here by my side a minute ago.

Well, he must have slipped his leave.

Henry!

Yes they're pretty aren't they?

No train leaves the station till I've
found them.

There you are. That's all. Sherry's
back.

Come on.

Well,

come on. Get up, the lot of you. Now,
look here, madam. I'm not talking to

Henry, stand by that door. And if either
of these two try to bolt, knock them

unconscious. Oh, please, Tom. Make a
scene. Not in here.

I'll make a scene when I like my girl.
And if this lot don't like it, they know

what they can do.

Puffin, Puffin, Puffin and Wilkinson. I
am Mr. Algernon Bird Birtwistle.

That's not my train.

It's not anybody's train.

I feel sure, sir, that... And being a
solicitor, I know my rights. I have

purchased a railway ticket. Well, you're
lucky.

I have purchased a railway ticket which
entitles you to access this waiting

room. And under the Railways and Canal
Act of 1884, you have committed a crime.

if indeed you ever went to school at
all. Further, you are inciting one Henry

render certain persons unconscious.

This is our prima facie liability for
assault and battery. Here he is, sir.

After all, I do know my law. I am a
solicitor.

Henry, show the gentleman out gently.

He's a solicitor, and he knows the law.

I said, Emma, you're wearing your
slippers.

Of course I'm wearing my slippers. You
don't think I've got time to change, do

you, with my daughter running off with a
nameless sailor? Come on, Carnoustie.

You'll go when I say so.

And it won't be to Brighton without a
load of hair.

Oh, Porter.

Porter. Ticket collector, ma 'am. I have
a complaint to make.

Oh, not about British Railways, surely.
Oh, there's a woman in there. She's

taken the whole place over. She ordered
everyone out.

Were you going to Brighton with this lot
or weren't you?

Yes, I was. And what's more... Don't let
me explain, please. I don't need any

explanation. I may not have been in the
Navy, my lad, but I know the facts of

life, don't I, Henry? Yes, you certainly
taught me a trick or two.

Ah, here's the station master. Station
master.

Station master.

I've a complaint to make. There's a
woman in that waiting room. She's taken

whole place over.

Say, he isn't a stationmaster.

He's a corporal in the Navy.

You! Yes, me, Mrs. Horace.

You keep out of this. They do say that
every man has one big moment at some

in his life.

Well, this is mine.

Thank goodness I found you.

There's not more trouble, sir? I'm
afraid I dropped a clanner. Oh, dear.

As the captain phoned me and I said to
him... What are you doing, Aunt Edie?

looking for his clanner.

He told me that I was quite wrong in
saying that it took a long time to

your name legally. All you needed was a
sixpence stamp.

is to have five minutes and a solicitor.

Me?

I can't understand what you've got
against Albert.

He can't have been born out of wedlock.

You don't think of your daughter's
happiness.

You think nothing about anything but
your blooming parents.

I'm going to put a stop to that. I told
you time and time again not to

interfere. I just mean what you've
spoken to.

Do you hear me, Henry?

Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.

Lock up your heart whenever you're in
from sea.

Wherever a port or harbor can be seen
upon the chart, you'll find a dame all

ready to claim a lonely sailor's heart.
Watch it, sailor.

Watch it, sailor.