All language subtitles for Bojack.horseman.S04E12.STRiFE.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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I got into this business

because I love stories.

They comfort us, they inspire us,

they create a context for
how we experience the world.

But also, you have to be careful,

because if you spend a lot
of time with stories,

you start to believe that life

is just stories, and it's not.

Life is life, and

that's so sad, because

there's so little time and...

What are we doing with it?

Thank you. When Princess Carolyn told me

we were pitching to
whattimeisitrightnow.com,

I was excited,

because in so many ways,

the story I'm about
to tell is about time.

And it's about time this story was told.

- Ooh!
- Ahh!

It's about Detective John Philbert,

a man from another time.

But now he finds
himself in a new time.

I'm sorry, did you say newt time?

No, no, new time.

Oh, so it's not like a
time full of newts?

No.

Unless you want it to be
a time full of newts.

No, no, no, no. I'm just clarifying.

Okay.

He finds himself in a time
he doesn't understand.

- Don't call this number again.
- Wait. I... I just...

My mother, she's senile, and
she was drugging the coffee.

That's why... Just...

I wanted you to know that none
of this was Hollyhock's fault.

Goodbye, BoJack.

A time in which he is alone.

Perhaps, all this time,

he's been alone.

Except for the newts, right?

Hmm.

Yeah. Except for the newts.

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And then it dawns on him,

his partner isn't a ghost.

Or is he?

- Wow!
- As we like to say here,

there are little hand
ideas and big hand ideas.

And that's a big hand idea.

And you said BoJack
Horseman is attached?

What? Oh, yeah. BoJack is attached.

But he's not like "attached" attached.

If you want us to get somebody better...

Oh, no, no, no. We love BoJack.

Yeah. We don't wanna do this
without BoJack, just to be clear.

- Well...
- Oh, he's definitely attached.

He signed a contract. I saw it myself.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

So if you look to the left,

you'll see a charming
little breakfast nook.

- Oh!
- Look at that!

But if you want more natural light,

you could knock down that
wall and put in these...

- French doors!
- That is so cool!

- You actually don't have to yell.
- Wait, Diane.

Are we in the same house right now?

- I don't see you.
- I can hear you. I think we're close!

You can't see each other in the program.

So I'm invisible?

Oh, in this scenario, am I a ghost?

Of a Union soldier, perhaps,

who cannot rest until his
final letter is delivered!

And can I be Anne of Green Gables?

No, you're both still you.

Diane, can I talk to you
alone for a moment?

- Oh, I can step out...
- Sure!

Why don't you meet me in

the guest bathroom? Ow!

- You don't have to.
- Where's...

- Hold on. I think...
- Guys, I can just...

- Here we are.
- Diane?

No. Careful. Okay.

- Do you really love this house?
- Yeah, it's fine.

I didn't love the old house,

but it was your house and I
moved in, and it was great.

But this is an opportunity
to build something together.

Something that'll last
for the rest of our lives.

Anything you want is gonna be

good with me. Just like your old house.

But I don't want this to just
be another one of my houses.

I want this to be our house.

And it will be, because
we'll both be living in it.

Mr. Peanutbutter, I don't
need anything fancy.

All that matters to me is
that I get to live with you.

- In the real world.
- Oh!

No more campaign, no more ex-wives.

Just Diane and
Mr. Peanutbutter, back to normal.

- For the rest of our lives.
- That sounds great.

- We'll take it.
- One second, though,

- I have to use the bathroom.
- No, no, no, that's not...

You completely humiliated
me in front of Sha Na Na!

How was I supposed to Sha Na know

they were going to invite me on
the stage to do a guitar solo?

You're supposed to be my dad.

You're supposed to be
looking out for me.

You're the worst dad in the world!

Well, too bad I'm the only dad you got.

Huh?

O.J. Simpson lawyer and

DNA expert Barry Scheck?

- My car broke down.
- What?

I guess it ran out of... juice.

Hi. Yeah, my mom is a resident.

I've still got a bunch of her stuff.

Don't put me on hold.
Just take a message...

Wait, wait! You're a DNA expert?

Could I use DNA to find my real family?

Well, sometimes, DNA
can be a tricky thing.

Like, for example,

was Simpson DNA found at the scene

of the murder of Nicole Brown? Sure.

Was it O.J. Simpson's DNA?

- Who's to say?
- Oh.

Maybe it was some other Simpson,

like his son, or his father.

There's no way to know.

I wouldn't worry about it.

That's too much, man...

- Oh.
- Hey, buddy.

- Uh-oh.
- She had a long day... of drinking.

I figured she shouldn't
drive herself home.

- Good thinking.
- Yeah.

I was right too,

- because she crashed her car.
- What?

I probably should've
said something, but...

You need to get your shit together.

Wha... Where am I?

Okay, so you know how you're

always giving pep talks to people,

telling them they need to
get their shit together?

Well, this is me giving you

the Princess Carolyn pep talk.

Why am I tied up in the woods?

So you can't escape my wise words.

Is that not part of it?
I couldn't remember.

It doesn't matter. It's all over for me.

When it gets out I faked
BoJack's signature,

the deal's gonna fall apart.

There goes my reputation, my career...

Well, there's more to life than

just your career, isn't there?

- Is there?
- Isn't there?

I have nothing!

Oh! This pep talk is going
in the wrong direction.

Do you know how hard it is
to start a family at my age?

To find a guy at my age?

You don't need a guy to start a family.

You're Princess Carolyn.
You can do anything.

No, I can't.

Look, the woods are dark and scary,

but the only way out is through.

I'm sorry. I got
distracted by the woods.

- Um, what were we talking about?
- No, you're right.

The only way out is through.

I gotta talk to BoJack.

I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself.

I'm Princess Carolyn.

That's the spirit!

As my blood type always says,

"B" positive!

- What was that?
- I don't know.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Hey, Doctor Picarello.

Doctor Picarello, are you okay?

Todd?

So it turns out Vice Chancellor
Laughing Gassy got rabies

from quarrelling with an old raccoon.

And then he started biting everyone,

and now a bunch of them have rabies.

Who could have predicted my
innocent clown dentist venture

could turn into something so terrifying?

I don't see how this concerns me.

Yolanda, the only reason
they're in the woods at all

is because of you.

If people find out the Better
Business Bureau is behind this,

you don't think you'll be getting a buzz

from the Business Branch of
the Board of Better Bureaus?

You're right! We have to do
something before someone gets hurt.

Call me four out of five
dentists, because I agree.

What?

Here we are. The

rest of our lives.

Yeah, wow.

- Do you wanna go to Hawaii?
- What? Right now?

Yeah! When's the last time
we did something impulsive?

Well, you did run for governor
without giving it much...

I just think we could use a vacation.

Things have been so
crazy this last year.

Before we start the rest of our lives,

haven't we earned a break?

All right. Let's go to Hawaii! They got

that bridge that's just sitting there.

- We might as well use it.
- All right! Hawaii, here we come!

All right! Hawaii!

Hawaii!

Oh.

So, listen.

As you know, one of the differences

- between agents and managers...
- Oh, my God. Stop.

- Please stop.
- I'm producing a new TV show.

It's a phenomenal script

which may or may not
involve ghost or newts.

- Does it involve ghost or newts?
- It may!

- You haven't read it, have you?
- Read it? I'm producing it!

- Right.
- It's this gritty,

hard-boiled mystery...

- Ugh! I'm so sick of mysteries.
- Right, well...

They're impossible to figure out.

Then all of a sudden, some random detail

makes the hero remember
a conversation that

totally re-contextualizes everything,

and then it all magically
comes together.

- Sure, but...
- It's such bullshit.

Where's my random detail that's gonna

suddenly make everything make sense?

Because I would love that.

Well, this script is really special,

and everyone wants to play the lead,

from Matthew McConaughey
to Matthew Perry.

- Matthew Perry?
- Yeah. But I was thinking...

Hold on. Matthew Perry...

Hey, BoJack, which one of

these pictures more says,

"This daughter looks like a cool

"lady that I wanna have in my life"?

- Why do you ask?
- I'm writing a letter to my mom

and I want to include a picture.

I'm going to send it to
the adoption agency.

Maybe if they still have her address

on file, they can forward it to her.

Seems like a long shot.
How about a better

strategy is, don't do that,

and then you won't be disappointed
when it doesn't work out?

I'm trying everything.
I don't wanna look back at this

and feel like the end of
"Chandler's List," you know?

- You mean "Schindler's List".
- Never saw it.

I'm talking about "Chandler's List,"

the sketch from when
Matthew Perry hosted SNL.

- Remind me?
- Okay.

So it's Chandler from "Friends",

and it's World War II,
and he's got this list.

And the whole time, he's
like, "I'm Chandler!

"Could I have a bigger list?"

But then at the end, the
war's over, and he's like...

- "Could I have had a bigger list?"
- Whoa.

He's haunted because he feels
like he could have done more.

You know, he's like,
"Could I be any more

"feeling like I could have done more?"

I have to go.

Look, I'm trying to do you a favor here!

Oh.

Huh.

_

_

_

Huh?

Shh!

Yes. Get the magazine.

What a fine addition
to your waiting room.

Oh, no!

Oh, God.

What are we gonna do, Todd?

Guys, let's talk this out.

Run. Ouchie! Ouchie!

- Oh, man.
- I've never run that fast in my life.

- Me neither.
- I gotta get in better shape.

I keep saying I'm gonna run more, but

it's just so hard to stay motivated.

Hmm.

Don't "hmm." I'm talking to you.

Can you not start and stop so much?

I can't control the traffic, darling.

When the car in front
of me starts, I start.

- And when it stops, I stop.
- Maybe you don't have to start

every time the car in
front of you starts,

because you know it's
gonna stop again anyway.

You could leave a little space.

Okay.

And another car just cut in front of me

because I left a little space.

Well, I'm sorry, but
I'm getting carsick.

Okay. I'm gonna get some gas.

All right. I got the lowdown.

First of all, very important,
I got you this flattened penny.

I will cherish it always.

- I'm sorry for being annoying before.
- Don't worry about it.

Here's the deal.

With this traffic, we can stay
on our current trajectory

and get to Hawaii just in time
to spend two luxurious hours

at the Honolulu Stilton, and
then turn around and come back,

or we can hang out here
at the Thrifty Lodge

at this charming halfway to
Hawaii rest area and gas park.

Excuse me, we would like
your finest room, please.

All our rooms are the same.

What kind of cuisine is on premises?

There's a deli at the gas
station across the street.

- And what are your spa hours?
- There's no spa.

Okay, if I wanted to have a big gala,

could I use your grand
ballroom for that,

or is that booked months in advance?

I could settle for a
Demi-ballroom in a pinch,

but attire will be formal, I
don't wanna upstage the venue.

We have zero ballrooms
in this Thrifty Lodge.

I see. This will do nicely.

Didn't you tell me once you
always wanted a ballroom?

Actually, no.

What I wanted was a Belle-room.

What is that? Like a room full of bells?

It's a room full of big books,
with big windows and a ladder,

like Belle got in
"Beauty and the Beast".

- And it's called a Belle-room?
- It's called a library.

But I called it a Belle-room
because it was magical.

And since it was a name I made
up for a room that wasn't real,

that meant that it was just mine.

That's adora-Belle.

- Hey, Seaborn! Seaborn!
- What's that?

You're Seaborn's Seahorse Milk, right?

Ha! That's right.

Oh, man! Can I get a shellfie?

That's like a shellfish
version of a selfie.

- Hmm?
- Go, take a picture.

It'll make their day.

- You sure? You don't mind?
- I'll be in the room.

Don't stay out with your
new friends too late.

Hey, guys. I'm coming down.

What other of my things do you like?

Wow, yeah!

Okay, so...

Oh.

Hey.

So the supplier said, "I really
oughta give Iowa a try."

But I said, "Buddy, Kansas City's
about as far as I can go."

Long story short, we're
meeting in St. Louis.

Huh?

- Hey!
- I need to talk to Hollyhock!

- She's not here.
- You have to let me see her.

Please, I flew all the way
here and it's Wichita,

so it's not like I got other
shit to do in Wichita.

No one told you to come here.

You're the one who likes
foreign movies, right?

That part in "Amelie", where
she listens to the guy's story?

This is that part. And I'm
the guy with the story.

And I need you to be Amelie right now.

I don't like foreign movies.

I like foreign films.

Okay, you're impossible.

The rest of you, please,
just listen for a second.

I know you hate me. But for
Hollyhock, please, listen.

Whole time she's staying with me,
it doesn't make sense, right?

If I'm her father, where is her mother?

Well, that's an extremely
heteronormative way

- of looking at things.
- No, I'm saying, medically,

where is the woman I had sex
with that made her be born?

Right? That's why Hollyhock
came to L.A. in the first place.

Okay...

But then I thought,
"What if I'm not her father?"

You're not her father.
We are her fathers.

You're her fathers.
Yeah. I know, I know.

Eight of you, each have your
own cute thing, I get it.

My point is, Hollyhock
and I have the same DNA,

but that doesn't mean I'm her father.

You're not. Because being
a father isn't just...

God, I feel like you are
willfully misunderstanding me.

What I am saying is, I'm not
even her father biologically.

- Excuse me?
- My father is her father.

- What?
- Huh?

I went to every hospital
and clerk house in L.A.

I waited in lines, filled out forms,

talked to anyone who would talk to me.

I wouldn't rest until I knew
I'd done everything I could.

But there was no record
of a little horse girl

born on Hollyhock's birthday...

Okay, so?

... in L.A., because
Hollyhock wasn't born in L.A.

She was born in San Francisco.

I got a little bug in my brain that

my father knocked up the help.

So I went up there, and I did the

whole thing again, and I found it.

The birth certificate
with her mother's name,

clear as day, Henrietta Platchkey.

- That's...
- But where is she now, right?

Looked her up on Facebook.
I know what you think:

"BoJack Horseman has
a Facebook account?"

Obviously, I didn't, because
the Internet is for nerds.

But I know it's a good
way to find people,

so I set up an account, and I found
her.

She lives in Minneapolis. She's a
nurse.

Her phone number was
on her Facebook page.

And I wanted Hollyhock to have it.

- You did all that?
- She has to know.

You don't have to tell her I was here.

I'll stay out of her life forever.

You can tell her I'm an asshole.
Say you found this on your own.

I don't care, but you
have to tell her. Please.

Whittagut dittagoo yittagoo

gittaguys thittagink?

Hittagollittagy-hittagock's

stittagill frittagail.

- Guys...
- Littaget's jittagust

tittagell hittagim whittagut hittagee

wittagants tittagoo hittageer.

All right, BoJack.

- We'll tell her.
- Yeah?

Yeah. But you need to leave. Right now.

Okay.

Welcome to the best
workout routine in L.A.

Nothing motivates like fear.

So remember, once you're
in there, don't stop running.

If the clown dentists catch
you, they will bite you,

and they have very healthy teeth.

Okay, but not really, right?

Nope, really. They will actually bite

you, and they do actually have rabies.

Wow, guess I'm gonna really have to run.

No more excuses. This is great.

Exactly! And don't forget...

Have fun in there!

- Whoo-hoo!
- Let's do this.

Let's go.

Well, you did it. You
made a better business.

We did it.

Between your no-nonsense approach

and my the-regular-amount-
of-nonsense approach,

we make a pretty good team.

Yes. I'm going back to my job.

But if anything happens
here and you need me,

or if you just wanna hang out again,

grab a drink, you should
call me sometime.

Oh, um, I should tell you,

I'm actually asexual.

Yeah, I know. So am I.

That's why I'm asking you out.

Oh! Uh, okay.

Okay. Goodbye.

Huh.

- I have to talk to you.
- Make yourself at home.

I screwed up. I'm sorry.

I promised you'd do this show.

I don't know why. I just...
I needed something...

- I'll do it.
- What?

You want me to do it, I'll do it.

God knows you've done enough for me.

What's wrong? I said I'd do it.

It's just really hard to need people.

Yeah, but...

Yeah. Thank you.

Eh, it'll be good for me to
get out of the house anyway.

You want a drink?

- Water.
- Water? "Water" you pregnant?

Very much not so.

I heard you got a new boyfriend.

- We broke up.
- Oh.

Sounds like an asshole.

He was actually the
first guy I ever dated

who wasn't an asshole.

Well, onwards and upwards.

I heard you had a kid living with you?

No. She's got these adopted dads.

They're total dicks, but
they take care of her.

- She'll have a good life.
- Oh.

You ever think of adopting?

- More and more lately.
- You should.

You'd be a good mom.

The world needs good moms.

I'll take that under advisement.

Well, I guess I'll see you on set.

I'm looking forward to it.

Now, back to normal.

Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter.

Here we are. The rest of our lives.

I wanna show you something.

I had the contractor put this together

while we were gone. Close your eyes.

- Okay...
- All right. Open them.

- Oh, my God! It's...
- Pretty cool, huh?

Why would you do this?

It's what you always wanted, right?

It's too much. I didn't
want it like this.

- Like what?
- I don't know. I'm sorry.

This is great. I'm sorry.

Why would you think I would like this?

Because you told me this is
what you always dreamed of?

I don't like big gestures like this!

- How many times have I...?
- Yeah, but this is...

This was a fantasy, something
that belonged to me.

- Why couldn't you have asked me...
- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I ever try to
surprise you, or do nice things.

Do you know how much it cost
to get 5,000 fake books?

So I'm the bitch? Is that what you...

I'm sorry that I wanted to make our home

feel like a place that
you would want to live

that could be yours as well as mine!

Why is that so important to you?

Because otherwise, it feels
like you're a guest.

And unlike the talking candlestick

in the aforementioned Disney film,

I don't want you to be that.

It makes me feel shitty.

Like you're just visiting here,

until the next thing and
you're gonna leave me

when you get bored or
you find something better.

Like Katrina did. Like Jessica did.

You can't use your ex-wives against me.

I'm just telling you how I feel.

I was trying to do a nice thing for you.

This is not how I thought
this would go at all.

Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter.
Back to normal, right?

You know, sometimes I feel like our

marriage is like a magic eye poster.

- I love those things.
- I know.

And it's messy.

And at first glance, it doesn't
seem to make any sense.

And it's hard to figure out.

But sometimes,

if you squint at it just
right, everything lines up,

and it's the most perfect...

Beautiful, amazing thing.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

But...

I'm so tired of squinting.

Oh...

What?

Oh, Christ.

- Hollyhock.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Listen...

I wanted to thank you
for finding my mom.

- They told you?
- Not exactly.

They have this secret dad language
they think I don't understand,

but it's super obvious
what they're saying.

You're too smart for your own good.

So, yeah, I've been

talking to Henrietta on the phone and

she seems really nice.

Really? Wow!

I'm gonna visit her in Minneapolis.

I'm at the airport right now.

Right now? That's incredible.

No, what's incredible is
this place at the airport

charged me ten dollars
for a cup of fruit.

- What?
- And get this.

It's like 90 percent honeydew.

Are you kidding me? Why?

What on-the-go jet-setter's demanding

more honeydew in his or her fruit cup?

Nobody ever wants honeydew,
it's always there.

It is literally the worst
part of everything it's in.

It's like the Jared Leto of fruits.

Thank you. Exactly.

Mmm.

Well...

Anyway, they're about to
start boarding, so...

Hollyhock, I'm sorry I didn't
take better care of you.

I shouldn't have moved in with you.

It was maybe too much too fast.

- Yeah.
- But it wasn't all bad.

I mean, yeah, I got secretly
drugged for months on end

to the point I was living in a nightmare

which I couldn't recognize my own body

or understand what was
happening to my brain, but,

other than that, it was a
pretty chill experience.

I should have protected you.

I really wanted to be a
good dad to you, Hollyhock.

Well, turns out you're
not my dad at all.

Yeah. Good thing, I guess.

Yeah. Good thing.

So, uh, Minneapolis, huh?

Did you rent a car or a cab?

BoJack, it's all taken care of.

- I gotta go.
- Is there anything, uh, I can do?

I can upgrade your seats, or...
or send you better fruit.

BoJack, look,

I never needed you to be a dad.

I'm going to be fine.

I told you from the
beginning, I have eight dads.

Yeah. Yeah.

Good.

But...

I've never had a brother.

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