All language subtitles for Bojack.horseman.S04E04.STRiFE.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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Let me be the first to tell you:

I'm bad news.

You're actually not the
first to tell me that.

I can't offer you parental guidance

or advice or love or support

or prolonged conversation
or interest in you,

- or remembering your name.
- It's Hollyhock.

- And I'm not looking for another dad.
- Great.

But I've always wanted to
know who my mother is.

Your mother? What do I
look like, Josh Radnor?

Nothing?

Nothing for Josh Radnor.
How quickly we forget.

Just tell me the name of the woman

you had sex with in December 1999.

That's all the relationship
we need to have.

That was quite a time for
our nation, sex-wise...

♪ Oh, 1999 ♪

Actually, I don't need a whole
long story. Just get to the point.

The point is I banged a lot of women.

One-night stands, two-night stands,

nooners, spooners, hot-air ballooners.

So, out of all of these women it

sounds like you really respected,

is there any chance one
of them got pregnant

and then put the baby up for adoption?

I guess Marcy was kind of a

poking holes in the condom type.

Real nutter. Good lay, though.

Glad to hear my mother was
a "nutter" and "a good lay."

Can I meet her? Where is she?

I bet she's still in that same

apartment in the Valley. What a dump!

Can you take me there?

Help me find my mom and
I'll leave you alone forever.

Deal. But can we go in the morning?

It's getting pretty late,
I become a real asshole

if I don't get a solid seven
hours of bed drinking a night.

I should get going.

My hostel's all the way downtown

- in a pretty bad area.
- Wait.

- Take this.
- Okay.

Here I go, hope there
are no murderers out.

Yes, everyone hopes that all the time.

- Okay, just do me a favor.
- Ugh! What now?

If I do get murdered,
will you call my eight dads

and tell them I love them?

I gotta call all eight?

They can't work out a phone tree?

If you're gonna be a baby,
stay here for the night.

- All right!
- Take the couch and be quiet.

Don't get on your phone and text all

your friends how sweet my house is.

Turn off all the lights
when you're going to sleep,

all of the lights.

Thank you, BoJack.

- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -

- Oh, I can't...
- Oh, you're... you're in my...

- Wait, I'm not really...
- What if we try...

Wait, I'm almost... Oh, no.

I don't think it's going to happen.

I'm sorry, it's just
difficult with all the...

- Who gave Todd the air horn?
- Right. Right.

- The campaign.
- Exactly.

But it's just another two months, right?

After the election everything
goes back to normal.

- Well, unless I win.
- Right.

I gotta tell you, I'm having a blast.

I always knew I was
probably good at something,

but I never knew what it was.

Thanks to Katrina, I've finally realized

- I'm good at people liking me.
- That's great,

and you know I'm so happy for you,

but do you have to be the

pro-fracking candidate?

Diane, this is the campaign.

Nothing anyone says during
a campaign matters.

It's just promising a bunch of
stuff to get people to vote for you.

Then when you get an office,

you can do whatever you want.

- Democracy in action.
- Mark my words...

The only fracking that's
going to be happening

- is in this bedroom.
- All right, guy.

I'm gonna drill you deep,

and fill you with a mysterious substance

that scientists still don't

quite understand the ramifications of.

- This isn't sexy for me... aaah!
- Did someone say "busy day"?

No one said "busy day," Katrina.

What did we say about knocking?

It wastes vital seconds
we'll never get back?

Anyway, everyone who isn't me
needs to shut up right now.

- No one else was talking.
- I actually have good news for once.

CNN released a poll today,
and for the first time ever,

- Mr. Peanutbutter is up.
- Damn!

Wow! Am I John Davidson,
Cathy Lee Crosby

and Fran Tarkenton right
now, because that's...

We don't have time for the
reference you're setting up.

We're doing a presser in 30. Go
downstairs, get some breakfast.

Yeah! Breakfast!

Am I Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald,

Judd Nelson, the principal...

- Just get breakfast!
- All right!

Don't you forget about me.

- Diane, you look sad.
- We were kind of in the middle of...

No, I'm saying you look sad.

Maybe you need to put on foundation,

blush around the cheeks or something.

What the...? Huh?

Aaah! Aaah!

- What's going on down here?
- I was trying to make

you breakfast to thank you
for letting me stay here!

I put a Pop-Tart in the microwave!

- Did you take the foil off?
- No! I was doing it popcorn style!

It's all right, it's not your fault.
Making food is impossible.

Let's get out of here and
take you to your mom's house.

Should we do something about the fire?

Just leave it. It'll tire
itself out eventually.

So, who is this lady?

It's actually a cute story. She
was the president of my fan club.

You had sex with the
president of your fan club?

Yeah. "Oh, my God, what a monster!"

I slept with someone who loved
me more than anybody else

and dedicated her life to knowing

things about me and caring about me.

How could I be so shallow?

You're right, I'm sorry.
Finish your cute story.

That was the whole story.

She was the president of my
fan club, I had sex with her.

Then I didn't think about her
for 18 years, and here we are.

Good news, the results are in!

- Oh!
- Bad news, the results are bad.

Like an omelet bar at a
mongoose convention,

you are running dangerously low on eggs.

How many do I have left?

Well, let's just say it's more
than Harry Potter movies,

but fewer than James Bond movies.

- Doctor, no!
- What do you recommend?

Hmm. Have you considered
impregnating a younger woman?

No, I want to do it with this woman.

You could try throwing
money at the problem.

You're gonna want pre-natal
vitamins, cervical mucus boosters,

a "You Can Do It!"
poster, and an iOvulate.

- "iOvulate"?
- Let's hope so!

This state-of-the-art
bracelet tracks your cycle

and also gives you up-to-date
info on your ovulation.

Plus, it's voiced by Harvey Fierstein.

Hello, I'm Harvey Fierstein.

Let's put a baby in you.

Ooh!

BoJack?

Marcy, hey.

- I knew it. I knew you'd come back.
- Right. Um...

Here's a very specific
question: after we had sex,

did you by any chance get pregnant

and put a baby up for adoption?

- Yes.
- Wait, really?

Oh, my God,

- you're my mother. Can I hug you?
- Oh.

- I'm hugging my mother.
- Wow.

BoJack, I'm sorry, I
really wanted to tell you.

But when I called the
number that you gave me,

it was for a sandwich shop in Temecula.

Wha...? That's so weird.

You must have dialed it wrong.

And then I thought, well, you know,

sooner or later you'd call me.

Yeah, yeah, I was gonna,
but then, you know,

9/11 happened...

- Can you ever forgive me?
- I think so.

Oh! I'm so sorry.

Where are my manners? Please come in.

And that was just such a tough time

for our country...

So, once we introduced vicious

knife-play into our routine,

it really gave our sex life the edge.

Love it, crooshed it.

So the article is just about a happy

marriage with a healthy sex life?

We already have Raquel's piece
about 69 days of sixty-nining.

- Uh-huh!
- So croosh.

What about our readers who aren't

having sex with their husbands?

Isn't this just gonna
make them feel bad?

Not everyone gets to have
great sex all the time, right?

Ladies?

Diane?

Can I talk to you in your
office for a minute?

I don't have an office.

You said offices have corners
and corners are the patriarchy.

Fine. Can I talk to you in the hot-take,

cool-down yoga area?

You seem tense.

Have you been eating gluten

and also not having sex
with your husband?

Whoa, Stefani, that's not...

Diane, relax! This is not a conversation

between an employee and her superior.

This is a conversation between

a friend and her superior.

The campaign has been
testing our marriage.

Obviously, it's great to see
Mr. Peanutbutter so excited,

and I am supporting that.

But if I'm being honest,

I can't wait for it to be over
so things can go back to normal.

- Hmm. And what happens if he wins?
- He's not going to win.

Did you see the new
CNN poll this morning?

He could win. People do love fracking.

It's fun to say! "Frack!

"Frack! Fricky-fricky-frack"

People wouldn't love saying it if

they understood what it actually was.

- So tell them.
- I can't go against my husband.

What the frack? Why not?

You gotta do you, girl.

I always say, you gotta do you.

And if he's doing him,
then who's doing you?

Because right now, it seems
like no one's doing you.

... and then when I was
eight, Lizzie Dunbar's mom

rented us all Freaky
Friday for a sleepover,

and I got really sad because

I realized I didn't have a
mom to switch bodies with.

Am I talking a lot?
I feel I'm talking a lot.

- Yes.
- Oh! I need to show you something.

Okay, so this may seem cuckoo,

but I was so head over heels
in love with your father

that after we made sweet love,
and he didn't call me again,

I just got so jealous, so I made

a list of every girl he was with...

and I found their home addresses...

- Oh.
- ... and drew Xs over their eyes.

I'm loving this conversation but

I have to go the bathroom now,

for non-me being weirded out by

this conversation-related reasons.

I just keep thinking about how

different things would have been
if you'd have just called me.

We could have had a family

together for 18 loving years.

- That might have...
- BoJack!

Kids. What?

Can you join me in the
bathroom for a minute?

What?! No!

- Do you want me, sweetheart?
- No,

it's a dad bathroom thing.

Uh... Hollyhock?

That woman is not my mother.

She's lying to us!

Marcy? No way!

Look. This is from the premiere
of "Autumn in New York".

That movie came out in August of 2000.

I was born in September.

Does this woman look eight
months pregnant to you?

Why would they release a romantic

drama called "Autumn in New York"

in the middle of summer?

Richard Gere had just
done "Runaway Bride",

Winona Ryder was
hot off "Girl, Interrupted"

- so the studio got cocky.
- How do you know all this?

I looked it up on the Internet
because I saw this picture

and got confused why Marcy
would wear a summer dress

to a movie called "Autumn in New York".

This is a summer dress?
I guess I don't know dresses.

BoJack, focus! That's not my mom!

So the lesson here is I was
right to never call her.

- Wait, so who...
- Are you okay in there?

- Don't come in!
- Yes! Father-daughter bathroom time!

The scrapbook! She has that list of

all the other women you slept with.

If we get the book, we can find my mom.

Give me a few minutes.
I'll distract her,

then you sneak in and grab the book.

_

Okay.

And what was the first appearance

of the Horse's identical cousin?

Season eight, episode four.

Yeah, yeah. That's right.

What was the horse's boss's name?

- What are you doing?
- Oh, my God!

You're not supposed to see this.

- Look away!
- It's okay, Hollyhock.

This is what Mommy and Daddy do.

Ugh! You said give you a few minutes!

I didn't think it would take this long.
I usually finish faster.

- You're disgusting!
- That's what I needed.

Can I please have a grasshopper?

Yes?

So the studio finished "Mars Attacks"!

Without him. And since
no one ever found a body,

my client Tony Tromboni
has been making movies

- under the name Tim Burton ever since.
- Oh!

I'm Harvey Fierstein.

Your ovulation window is closing soon.

Please commence copulation.

Oh, fish! We gotta go.

- Can't we finish lunch?
- You heard the bracelet.

Okay, well, uh, let me get the check.

- There's no time for that! Ralph!
- We gotta pay for our...

I have an egg inside me
that is ripe to be fertilized.

His name is Philbert.

- Princess Carolyn...
- Uh-uh! Philbert Stilton,

and he's going to be sweet and smart

and a phenom on the clarinet,

and one day you'll be driving
him home from band practice

and he's going to all of a sudden say

something so insightful and true

that you'll be positively floored it

- came out of the mouth of your son.
- Wow.

But if you don't take me home
right now and impregnate me,

then Philbert will never exist.

Okay, let's go.

- You told me to distract her.
- We don't need to talk about it.

So now that we got the list,

we gotta go see all these other women?

Not all of them, just
the ones you didn't see

in the nine months after
you had sex with them.

- That's gonna be most of them.
- Yeah, figures.

Ooh!

Tilda Madison?

You dated the Timedium,

Tuesdays at 9:00 on CBS?

I never understood that show.
What's a Timedium?

She's a medium,

but she can also travel through
time and she solves crimes.

That's so stupid.

She time-travels and she's a medium?

But the one crime she can't
solve is her husband's murder.

So my name is Hollyhock and I love

apples but hate applesauce, too slimy.

I was the captain of
the JV soccer team...

BoJack, why did you bring

this child into my sanctum?

I can make this real quick.

Did you give up my secret
baby in the year 2000?

Oh, BoJack, do you recall the
impetus for our uncoupling?

Is every one of these
gonna be a whole thing?

You were a cad and a boor.

But your fits of sardonic japery amused,

to a point, until you

- impregnated me.
- What?

Suddenly, I was awash in dreams

of idealized domesticity.

But when I told you I was with child,

I received a check in the mail
for $200 with the memo line,

"BoJack's half of the abortion."

So you put me up for adoption?

Child, no. I had the abortion.

Nice. You don't want any little
BoJacks floating around.

Last thing this world needs
is more of this garbage.

- Uh, excuse me?
- No, you're great, you seem cool,

but if we could go back
in time and prevent it...

Right?

Hollyhock, I didn't mean...

By the way, your show sucks.
Should be called "Tedium."

Your uterus contains the secrets

of life, the ability to create.

- Go, go! Oh, God!
- I'm going!

At this point, your ovum has burst

out of the swollen follicle,

traveled down the long gentle
river of the fallopian tube,

and been welcomed by the warm

embrace of the silk-lined uterus.

- No, no, no.
- You must fertilize that

precious ovum now or it will
disintegrate into nothingness.

Hit the gas! Do it for Philbert!

Pull over your vehicle, now!

Oh, fish!

So in conclusion,
I don't think California

is the greatest state in the country.

But it can be.

Beautifully put. I'd like
to drill down, as it were,

- on the subject of fracking.
- Drill away.

Now, mere hours ago
your wife, Diane Nguyen,

seen here eating a messy sandwich,

published an essay online titled

"The Case Against Fracking"

in which she posits, quote...

"If these frack-happy politicians

"even knew how dangerous it was,

"they wouldn't allow it
in their own backyards."

- Diane wrote that?
- Damn.

Mr. Peanutbutter, your wife
has issued a challenge.

Would you allow fracking
in your own backyard?

I would.

Joining us now via Periscope
is Frankie Flackery,

foreman and spokesyak for
Flackery Will Get You Everywhere

industrial drilling company.

- How are ya?
- Flackery Flack, let's talk frack.

Mr. Peanutbutter has invited you

- to drill on his property.
- Uh...

Will you take him up on this invitation?

I could have a team
there this afternoon.

Oh...

Ready when you are, boys!

Sir, I apologize. We are
very eager to get home.

You were going 36 miles per hour.

The speed limit here...

Is 35.

- Yes.
- Now, I'm no mathematician.

- I'm just a humble officer of the law.
- Okay.

So you tell me, is 36 below

35 or is it above 35?

Just write us a ticket and let us go.

Now, now, talking back to Officer
Meow Meow is a major no-no.

Hello! Harvey Fierstein here.

Oh! Who said that? Is there
another man in your vehicle?

- Hello?
- Show yourself, fiend!

We don't have time for this!

- I'm in heat!
- Ma'am, you need to calm down!

Don't tell me to calm
down or call me ma'am!

Just write us a goddamn ticket so I

can go home and mount my boyfriend!

That's enough! Out of
the car, all three of you!

Obviously, I didn't mean you.

You're giving me the silent treatment?

I guess I have thin skin.

Must be the half of me
that's made of garbage.

Well, who else is on this list?

Stacy, Fabiana...

Tonya Harding? She is not
gonna be happy to see me.

She said sleeping with me is
the worst thing she ever did.

I'm sorry it's so unpleasant for you

to have to interact with women

- you were shitty to.
- I don't understand

why we're even doing this.
You're never gonna switch

- bodies with your mom.
- God!

That ship has sailed
and is also impossible.

- Pull over the car.
- No.

- Pull over now!
- Jesus. Fine.

I'm gonna do the rest of this

- on my own.
- No. Hollyhock.

I got the list. I don't need

you anymore. Have a bad life.

Joke's on you, I already have one!

Oh no. No. No, no.

Where's Mr. Peanutbutter?

He's giving a stump speech
on the subject of stumps.

Turns out he's pro.

Great for sitting.

I'd be careful with that faucet,
the water comes out very hot

because of the fracking.

Aaah! How could you let him do this?

You're the one who called
his bluff. Don't do that.

- This just makes my job harder.
- I didn't

- "call his bluff." I just...
- Woman, you have one job:

be his wife, be supportive.

- I am being supportive.
- Was that you being supportive

today with that piece you wrote

- for your stupid girl website?
- It's called Girl Croosh.

"Stoopid Gurl" is just a
subsection of the main site.

And my piece wasn't about
Mr. Peanutbutter, specifically.

I'm gonna cut this
conversation short, because

my time is more important than yours.

This goes one of two ways.

Either you shut up and be pretty,
or your approximation of that,

or don't support him, he resents
you, your marriage implodes.

- Pick your poison.
- Damn!

Not that I get to vote, but from
one Mrs. Peanutbutter to another,

it's been really fun for me to watch

this new marriage fall apart.

- We're not.
- So thank you, Diane,

for that tiny sliver of mint

in the smoothie of dogshit

that is trying to get that
popular idiot elected.

Good night.

Damn!

I'm Harvey Fierstein,

and I hope you're almost done having sex

because your ovulation
cycle will soon be ending.

Huh.

I'm sorry we couldn't get home in time.

- Your lawyer, he's good?
- The best.

Then you know what we have to do?

Oh!

- For Philbert?
- For Philbert.

What are you doing back there? Hey!

- Sorry you have to be here for this.
- Keep your eyes on the road.

Hey! You two cut that out!

I'll write you up for lewd conduct.

Lewd, crude and partially nude!

Not to mention the rude 'tude of

you two dudes, while this prude...

- Hey, listen to me!
- Whoa!

And so the dance of
life continues apace.

I'm Harvey Fierstein, bidding
you a sexy good evening.

No!

Can I get my check now?

Alone, at last.

Thank God.

Fine, fine, fine.

Hi, Fabiana. Before you slam the door...

Did a young horse girl come
by here, about yay high?

You're still mad about
your dad's funeral?

That was 18 years ago!

Thank you, Tonya. I know
we've had our differences,

but seeing you always leaves
me weak in the knees.

Hollyhock.

- Was that her?
- Ugh! No.

I talked to 23 women today

and none of them were my mother.

- How did you find me?
- I went to everyone on that list.

You talked to all those women?

- Some of them...
- Really haven't aged well, I know.

I was gonna say, really hate you.

Oh, yeah, that too.
But I needed to find you.

To tell you I'm sorry,

for being such an asshole
then and also now.

This whole thing was stupid.

I never should have come out here.

And I don't even care about
having a mom, really.

Because I did fine for
17 years without one.

I don't need a mom.

Hollyhock, it's okay to want a mom.

No, it's not! Because that means my dads

weren't enough for me, and they are!

I know I just met you,
but if you do have

any of the old Horseman gunk bouncing

around in that brain of yours,

I gotta tell you right
now you should give up

on looking for "enough"

because it will never be enough.

Eww!

- Stop that.
- I know, it's stupid.

- There, there.
- You are

so bad at this.

What do your dads say when you cry?

They say it's okay to cry,

and that I shouldn't feel bad

about feeling bad.

Well, that... that's good advice, right?

They're really good dads.

I should probably get back to them.

Oh. You don't have to leave right away.

Why don't you just stay
with me a bit longer?

At least until we find your mom.

How are we supposed to do that?

Every name on that list was a dead end.

Oh...

Yeah. But

what if I told you there's a name

that isn't on that list?

Someone Marcy never knew about.

What? Where is she now?

I don't know. But you can stay with me

while we try to find her?

Okay. Yeah.

- What's her name?
- Her name

was Brown Car... la.

Carla Mercedes Benz... Brown.

"Carla Mercedes Benzbrown"?

Weird name.

- You've got a weird name.
- I guess you're right.

Maybe that's the first thing we'll
talk about when I meet her.

Mm-hmm?

Diane, I know. I'm sorry
about the trucks,

but you didn't give me much choice.

I know these last few
days have been crazy.

- But this is the hard part.
- I need you to drop out of the race.

- What?
- Please,

Mr. Peanutbutter. This isn't worth it.

I hear what you're saying

and I will try to be more
conscientious of your needs.

- Drop out of the race.
- Because your needs are important.

I've written another piece
for Girl Croosh. It's called

- "The Case Against Mr. Peanutbutter."
- What?

When I hit this button,
the post goes live.

Diane, don't.

I don't want to. And I won't,

if you drop out of the race.

Jesus, Diane. You can't do that.

Because you're the only one allowed

to make decisions for this family?

No. Because it's gonna come
off as a weird lovers' spat

and it's just going to
embarrass everyone.

- Well, I'm sorry if I embarrass you.
- Oh, come on.

You told me you weren't going
to frack, and now I can't

turn on a faucet in my own home

without getting third-degree burns.

Oh, I get it. So like always,
you're mad at someone,

so your solution is to air your

dirty laundry for everyone to see.

No. This is not about us.

I don't want you to be governor

because you would be bad at it,

because you don't stand for anything.

No!

Hey!

Don't you dare. Robert
Blake gave me that mug.

No! Oh, you...

- I don't...
- Shut up. Take off your shirt.

Frack me, Mr. Peanutbutter!

Frack me!

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