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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:03,135 [horn honks] 2 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,336 - GOD, I'M SO LATE. 3 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,704 NOTHING. 4 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,040 NOTHING. [cell phone rings] 5 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,609 HELLO. - HI, THIS IS USA CREDIT. 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,045 ACT NOW TO MINIMIZE YOUR DEBT. JUST SAY YES. 7 00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,380 - YES, A SPOT! 8 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,048 COME TO MOMMY! - YOU SAID YES. 9 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:19,218 [tires squealing, horn honking] - NO, NO! 10 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,020 THAT IS MY SPOT, MINI COOPER. 11 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:24,023 HELPING YOU TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS AMAZING OFFER. 12 00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,125 - OH, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE. 13 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,326 ARE YOU BLIND? 14 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,161 - JUST IN MY LEFT EYE, MA'AM. 15 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,529 - I'M NOT-- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, JOSH. 16 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,797 I'M TALKING TO SPOT STEALER OVER HERE. 17 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:34,066 OH, AND SUCH A DUMB PANTSUIT. 18 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,702 LOOK AT THOSE PANTS. THAT IS TERRIBLE. 19 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,671 WHO WEARS THAT? UGH, GROSS, UGLY PANTS. 20 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,741 - YOUR PASSENGER WINDOW'S OPEN. 21 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:46,078 - YEAH, YEAH, I'M JUST-- I'M WORKING ON A MONOLOGUE. 22 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,213 I'M AN ACTOR. IT'S FOR AN AUDITION. 23 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,482 IT'S FOR A PLAY. 24 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,084 CALLED UGLY PANTS. 25 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,719 IT'S A ONE-ACT. 26 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,820 - ONE SHOULD ACT NOW. 27 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,388 - SHUT UP, JOSH. 28 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,223 [elevator dings] 29 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,691 OH, GOD. - HEY, HEY, HEY. 30 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,393 HEY, CAN YOU HOLD THAT, PLEASE? 31 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,561 - OH, YEAH, YEP. - HOLD IT. 32 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,829 - I'M TRYING. - JUST HOLD IT, PLEASE. 33 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,397 - IT'S NOT WORKING. I DON'T-- 34 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,398 - I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING, 35 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,399 YOU SKINNY WHITE BI-- 36 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,535 - [groans] 37 00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,437 GOD, THIS DAY IS ALREADY A DISASTER. 38 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:13,505 THERE WAS SO MUCH TRAFFIC, AND THERE WAS NO PARKING, 39 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,274 AND THEN THIS-- THIS BIATCH SWOOPED ON IN 40 00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,209 AND TOOK THE ONLY SPOT. 41 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,344 AND THEN I ONLY AVOIDED GETTING SANDWICHED IN THE ELEVATOR 42 00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:23,115 BY CLOSING THE DOORS ON THIS GIANT SWEATY MAN... 43 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,384 AND HE'S RIGHT THERE. 44 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:26,518 - HELLO. 45 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,121 BURT IS ON EXTENDED DISABILITY. 46 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:31,223 - A HEMORRHOID SURGERY GONE WRONG, I HEARD. 47 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,126 - I AM YOUR NEW BOSS, GEOFFREY WITH A G. 48 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,628 I'M PLEASED TO MEET ALL BUT ONE OF YOU. 49 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,232 - WELL, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP. 50 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,867 - [murmurs mockingly] 51 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,869 HEY, HI, GEOFFREY. I'M NINA WHITLEY. 52 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,871 I THINK THAT WE MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT. 53 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,440 - UH-OH, I'M TRYING TO HOLD THE DOOR, BUT I CAN'T. 54 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,542 OH, NO, IT'S CLOSING. 55 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,543 [groovy rock music] 56 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,878 - ♪ HEY NOW 57 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,881 ♪ 58 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,816 ♪ HEY NOW 59 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:00,619 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 60 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,121 AGAIN, I AM SO SORRY, JOFFREY. 61 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:04,156 - GEOFFREY, LIKE THE TOYS"R"US GIRAFFE. 62 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,126 - LIKE THE-- LIKE THE GIRAFFE, OKAY. 63 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,627 - NINA, I'M SORRY. 64 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,462 - THANKS, PHIL. - OH, NO, I WASN'T FINISHED. 65 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,297 I'M SORRY ANYONE TOLD YOU YOU COULD PULL OFF THAT SCARF. 66 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,233 - OH, THERE IT IS. - OH, THAT'S A SCARF. 67 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,634 - YEAH. 68 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,236 - I THOUGHT YOU BAGGED A WOOKIE. 69 00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:18,737 - IT IS A STATEMENT SCARF. 70 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,139 - I THINK IT'S A QUESTION SCARF. 71 00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:20,906 LIKE, "WHY WOULD YOU WEAR ME?" 72 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,141 - GOOD MORNING. - HEY. 73 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,442 NINA'S HAD A TOUGH MORNING. 74 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,743 WE'RE MAKING FUN OF HER SCARF. 75 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,411 - OH, MY GRANDMOTHER JUST CALLED. 76 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,846 SHE WANTS HER CURTAIN TASSELS BACK. 77 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:28,914 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 78 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,282 IT WOULD BE JUST REALLY GREAT 79 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,518 IF JUST SOMETIMES YOU GUYS COULD SAY, 80 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,920 "HEY, NINA, I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU'RE HAVING A ROUGH DAY." 81 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,688 BUT NO, YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO MAKE JOKES 82 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,690 ABOUT HOW I'M FANCY AND UPTIGHT 83 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,659 AND EDUCATED AND PRISSY, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 84 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,161 NOBODY GETS ME. NONE OF YOU GET ME. 85 00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:44,163 NOBODY GETS ME. - OH, NINA, I GET YOU. 86 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,532 YOU'RE A STRONG, HARDWORKING WOMAN 87 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,534 WHO HAS A SEVERE SCARF BLINDNESS. 88 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,868 - HE GETS YOU. - NO. 89 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,771 YOU DON'T EVEN GET THAT YOUR FRIEND CARLOS THERE 90 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,173 IS SLEEPING AT THE OFFICE. 91 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,541 - WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 92 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:57,176 - HE JUST SHAVED IN THE BATHROOM, 93 00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:58,177 AND HE'S GOT A YOGA MAT AND A PILLOW 94 00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:59,178 THAT HE BROUGHT TO WORK. 95 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,679 HE CLEARLY DOESN'T DO YOGA. 96 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,347 IT DOESN'T TAKE SCOOBY AND THE GANG 97 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:06,385 - MY NEW PLACE WON'T BE READY FOR A WEEK, SO... 98 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:10,222 - UH, DO YOU--DO YOU WANT TO, LIKE, STAY AT MY PLACE? 99 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,558 - OH, MY GOD, YES, PLEASE, THANK YOU. 100 00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:18,297 - HEADS UP, I HATE MY OUTFIT, AND I'M HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY. 101 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,698 BUT THAT BODES WELL FOR YOU, 102 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,833 - HEY, NINA, DID YOU GET A CHANCE 103 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,202 TO LOOK AT THAT NEW DISCOVERY? 104 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,704 - WHAT NEW DISCOVERY? - HMM. 105 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:29,241 FORENSIC ANALYST EDIE PERCH TO THE STAND. 106 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:34,880 - GREAT. 107 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:38,283 THIS IS GOOD 'CAUSE WE GO--WE GO WAY BACK. 108 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,487 SO, MS. PERCH-- - EDIE. 109 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,723 HOW WAS YOUR AUDITION? - DIDN'T GET IT. 110 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,692 SO I'M GONNA STICK WITH THE LAWYERING. 111 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,727 NOW, YOUR OPINION THAT MY CLIENT WAS ON OPIATES, 112 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,329 THAT'S JUST BASED ON ONE SINGLE TEST? 113 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,564 - YOU'RE REFERRING TO THE U-TOX NINE? 114 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,865 - UH, MAYBE-- 115 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,334 - BECAUSE THE U-TOX NINE IS, 116 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,936 AS ITS NAME SUGGESTS, NINE SMALLER TESTS. 117 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,372 AND A POSITIVE FOR ANY OF THOSE INDICATORS LEADS US 118 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,241 TO RUN A TEST FOR OPIATE METABOLITES, 119 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,243 THEN GAS CHROMATOGRAPHY AND MASS SPECTROMETRY, 120 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,877 WHICH WE THEN DOUBLE CONFIRM. 121 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:08,413 SO IT'S ACTUALLY MORE LIKE 26 TESTS, WHICH YOU CAN SEE 122 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,750 IF YOU JUST FLIP THE PAPER OVER, SWEETIE. 123 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,252 - OKAY, AND NOW THESE-- THESE TESTS 124 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:16,288 ARE--ARE REAL TESTS? 125 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,592 NO FURTHER QUESTIONS. 126 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,960 [all chuckling] 127 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,762 GOD, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING. 128 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,397 OH, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. IT'S BROKEN? 129 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,266 HOW IS THE DEBIT MACHINE BROKEN? 130 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:30,035 LOOK, CAN I JUST OWE YOU? - NO, KATHY, NO. 131 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,536 - SEE, WE'RE ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS. 132 00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,605 I MEAN, MY NAME'S NOT KATHY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 133 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,607 YOU WRITE IT ON MY CUP EVERY DAY. 134 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,944 - I'LL PAY FOR IT. - TOSS IT. 135 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,946 - GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE AS WELL, LARS. 136 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,948 NO, I GET IT. BAD DAY, YOU KNOW? 137 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,883 YOU'RE JUST LIKE-- YOUR SPOT'S TAKEN. 138 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,386 SURPRISE WITNESS TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR CASE. 139 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,954 IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ONE OF THE BEFORE WOMEN 140 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,289 IN A TAMPON COMMERCIAL. 141 00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,957 - YES, THANK YOU. 142 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,625 I AM THAT WOMAN IN THE WHITE PANTS 143 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,060 RUNNING FOR THE CAB. 144 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,928 - GIRL, I AM SORRY YOU ARE HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY. 145 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,997 - THANKS. - [chuckles] 146 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,466 APPARENTLY THAT SCARF IS HAVING A GREAT DAY. 147 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,901 - OH, THANK YOU. 148 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:06,405 AND YOU WERE GREAT ON THE STAND. 149 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,806 YOU REALLY--YOU WERE GREAT. - THANK YOU. 150 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,808 - YEAH. - THAT IS SO NICE. 151 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,976 - WELL, I JUST WISH IT HAD BEEN A DIFFERENT D.A. 152 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,411 BECAUSE TRENT, MY EX, HE JUST GETS 153 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,579 THIS SPECIAL PLEASURE OUT OF BEATING ME. 154 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:15,847 - OH, MY GOD, HE BEATS YOU? 155 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:16,848 - NO, NO, NO, IN COURT. 156 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,784 - YOU'RE THE CRAZY EX. 157 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,652 - YEP, YEP. - I'M SORRY. 158 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,654 WHEN PEOPLE REFER TO THEIR EXES AS CRAZY, 159 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,691 IT'S LIKE, "HEY, MAYBE YOU MADE THEM CRAZY, DUDE." 160 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:26,958 - OH, MY GOD, HE SO MADE ME CRAZY. 161 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,960 - YEAH. MM-HMM. - HE MADE ME-- 162 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:31,830 WOW, YOU JUST--YOU GET IT. 163 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,433 YOU WANT TO GO GRAB LUNCH, LIKE, RIGHT NOW? 164 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,534 - HELL, YEAH. 165 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,436 - YEAH? OKAY. - YEAH. 166 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,038 - THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE. 167 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,506 - ALL RIGHT, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. 168 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,874 - WHERE DO I PUT MY SHOES? 169 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,776 - I DON'T CARE, BUD. 170 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,612 - I'M GONNA PUT 'EM IN THE-- I JUST THREW THEM THERE, PHIL. 171 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:49,014 [sports program in background] 172 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,983 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR WINDOW? 173 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:54,786 - OH, POKER, DRINKS, A HAND GOT LOST. 174 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,388 YEAH, A GUY PUT HIS FIST THROUGH IT. 175 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,622 - YOU SHOULD MAKE HIM PAY FOR IT. 176 00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:01,393 - THAT GUY MIGHT HAVE BEEN ME. - OH. OH. 177 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,994 [water running] 178 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,463 PHIL? - HMM? 179 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:05,464 - HOW OFTEN DOES THIS-- 180 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,865 - ONLY WHEN I DO THIS. 181 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,467 [water running] SEE? 182 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,035 - I SEE. YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIX IT? 183 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,537 - WELL, I WAS GONNA, BUT THE DAMN WARRIORS 184 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:13,739 COULDN'T COVER THE SPREAD, SO... 185 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,040 - WHAT DO THE LADIES THINK? 186 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,641 - USUALLY I GO TO THEIR PLACE. 187 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,909 - WHAT IF YOU START DATING ONE OF THEM? 188 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,846 - THEN I WON'T USE THE SINK. 189 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:21,847 AND IF SHE'S GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE WINDOW, 190 00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:24,082 I JUST... [whistles] 191 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,385 HUH. I'M GONNA FIX THAT. 192 00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,487 - HOW MUCH DID YOU LOSE ON THE WARRIORS GAME? 193 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,589 - WHAT ARE WE, DOING A QUARTERLY REPORT HERE? 194 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,723 WE'RE GONNA WATCH THE GAME. - YOU'RE RIGHT. 195 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,858 YOU'RE RIGHT. - COME ON. 196 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:33,992 - I'M STARTING TO SOUND LIKE ROSA. 197 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:34,993 - LITTLE BIT. 198 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,595 - LET'S JUST WATCH THE GAME 199 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,063 AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHATEVER 200 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,432 IS POKING ME IN THE BACK. 201 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:43,068 - OH, LOOK AT THAT. IT'S A COUCH FORK. 202 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,503 WHAT, YOU GO ALL THE WAY TO THE KITCHEN WHEN YOU NEED A FORK? 203 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,104 - NO. 204 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,774 MY HEAD IS KILLING ME. 205 00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,609 - COUPLE BLACK COFFEES, YOUR HEAD WILL BE FINE. 206 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,677 - NO, IT'S FROM THAT PIECE OF CEILING THAT FELL ON ME. 207 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:56,014 - OH, YEAH, YEAH, I'M GONNA FIX THAT. 208 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,083 OH, HEY, NINA. - OH, HEY, PHIL. 209 00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,085 OH, HEY, NINA, IF YOUR COFFEE ORDER 210 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,853 WASN'T SO HIGH-MAINTENANCE, 211 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,055 MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T DIE ALONE AND OTHER INSULTS. 212 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,424 BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 213 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:06,958 - TWO HALF-CAFS, ALMOND MILK, RICE MILK, 214 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,194 FOAM, AND TWO SHAKES OF CINNAMON BEFORE THE THIRD SHOT, 215 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,063 BUT NOT TOO HOT FOR KATHY. - PERFECT. 216 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,965 - OUR PLAN WAS TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU, KATHY, 217 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,767 BUT AFTER THAT COFFEE ORDER, WOW, 218 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,569 THAT IS A ONE-WAY TICKET TO ALONE TOWN. 219 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:18,937 - HEY, NINS. - HEY. 220 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,705 - HI! - THIS IS FOR YOU. 221 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:21,973 - THANK YOU. 222 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,075 - GUYS, THIS IS MY NEW BFF, EDIE. 223 00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,710 OH, MY GOD, I JUST SAID BFF. 224 00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:26,945 IS THAT TOO SOON? - ARE WE LABELING UP? 225 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,480 I LOVE THAT. - ME TOO. 226 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:29,781 - WAIT, WAIT. DON'T TELL ME. 227 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,117 YOU MUST BE PHIL, CLASS CLOWN, 228 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,586 COASTING THROUGH LIFE ON WHAT HE THINKS IS CHARM. 229 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,922 AND CARLOS? YOGA MAT. 230 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,590 - YOU NAILED IT. 231 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:39,925 - HEY, PHIL, HOW'S IT GOING? - OOH. 232 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,493 OKAY, YOU GOT ME ON THIS. 233 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,761 WHO'S THE ANEMIC IN THE VEST? 234 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:43,962 - FARLEY. 235 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,831 GAMING ASSOCIATE OF PHIL'S. 236 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,065 - UH-HUH, SO THIS IS PHIL'S BOOKIE 237 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,667 WHICH IS NEW INFORMATION TO ME, 238 00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,102 BUT NOT AT ALL SURPRISING. 239 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,137 YOU'RE DOING GREAT, BUDDY. 240 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,005 - WHAT? 241 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,774 - OH, NICE LADY. 242 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,943 - SO, PHIL, LOOKS LIKE YOU OWE ME SOME MONEY 243 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,245 FROM THE KNICKS GAME LAST NIGHT. 244 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,848 - DON'T WORRY. I'LL FIX THAT TOO. 245 00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:07,986 - HEY, YOU EVER WATCH JUDGE JUDY? 246 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,488 - NO. 247 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,056 - BEING A LAWYER, YOU SHOULD WATCH THAT. 248 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,697 - CAN WE TALK ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED? 249 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,265 BECAUSE AS A FRIEND, I'M CONCERNED. 250 00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,567 YOU JUST HAD A BOOKIE TRACK YOU DOWN AT WORK. 251 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:23,869 WHAT'S NEXT? 252 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,537 I'M OPENING UP A BOX WITH YOUR THUMBS IN IT? 253 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,639 - FARLEY, THE GUY-- COME ON, HE'S HARMLESS. 254 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,275 AND WHY ARE YOU OPENING A BOX OF MY THUMBS? 255 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,143 - BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THUMBS, 256 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:35,514 BECAUSE THEY HIRE GOONS TO CUT-- AND PUT THEM IN THE-- 257 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,515 - YOU'VE SEEN TOO MANY MOVIES. 258 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,617 WAIT, WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME? 259 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:41,052 I MEAN, YOU SLEEP ON A YOGA MAT NEAR THE MISDEMEANOR FILES. 260 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,654 - THAT'S HURTFUL, OKAY? 261 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,589 PHIL, EVERYONE GETS IT. 262 00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,057 YOU'RE THE COOL GUY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 263 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,059 THERE IS A LINE, AND YOU WON'T KNOW YOU CROSSED IT 264 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,561 TILL THE GOONS SHOW UP. 265 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,729 - OKAY. 266 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,631 WELL, I THINK I JUST CROSSED IT. 267 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,666 - WHATEVER THAT MEANS. - IT MEANS YOU'RE A GOON. 268 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,302 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? 269 00:08:57,304 --> 00:09:00,639 WE'RE NOT REAL FRIENDS. NO, WE'RE WORK FRIENDS. 270 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,575 YOU'RE JUST THE OFFICE SMART-ASS WHO GAMBLES AND JOKES, 271 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,610 AND I'M THE OFFICE... 272 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,312 - TIGHT-ASS. - ALPHA, WHO WORKS HARD. 273 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,713 YOU JUST PROVED MY POINT. SEE? 274 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,616 THOSE TWO TYPES, THEY DON'T MIX. 275 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:14,219 SO WE'RE GONNA JUST BE SIMPLE WORK FRIENDS, 276 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,721 AND THEN I'M GONNA BE LIKE, "HEY, TOUGH CASE TODAY, HUH?" 277 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,591 - AND I'LL BE LIKE, "UGH, I HATE MONDAYS." 278 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,259 - SO WORK FRIENDS. 279 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,662 - WORK FRIENDS. - YEAH. 280 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,934 SOMEBODY BROUGHT US A TREAT, 'CAUSE I MIGHT HAVE 281 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:30,769 JUST GOTTEN THE BEST BLACK AND WHITE COOKIE 282 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,103 YOU'VE EVER TASTED. 283 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,872 IT IS GONNA MELT YOUR FACE OFF. 284 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,907 - I AM MAKING OUT WITH YOU SO HARD IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW. 285 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,776 - [laughs] 286 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,611 - WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU. 287 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:40,712 OKAY. GOOD NEWS. 288 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,581 YOUR NEXT CASE, THE LABS CAME IN. 289 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,649 METABOLITES, GAS CHROME, MASS SPEC, 290 00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:45,951 ALL CAME BACK NEGATIVE. 291 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,619 - NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID, 292 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,255 BUT LOVING HOW EXCITED YOU ARE ABOUT THIS. 293 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,357 - YOUR CLIENT'S AS CLEAN AS AN OTTER'S NUTS. 294 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,626 - OH! - YOU ARE GONNA RIP TRENT'S ASS. 295 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,261 - OH, MY GOD. 296 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,762 YOU ARE THE BEST. - THANK YOU. 297 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,731 - YEAH. - THANK YOU. 298 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,633 - I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIS "I JUST GOT WHUPPED" FACE. 299 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,602 IT'S GONNA BE LIKE, "BUT I--I OWN--I--" 300 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,736 - OR MORE LIKE, "HUH." 301 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,272 - COWORKER, BFF. WATERCOOLER STUFF. 302 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,740 - PRINTER'S MAKING ME CRAZY. 303 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,976 - THEY DO. THEY MAKE YOU VERY CRAZY. 304 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,745 - ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. - HEY, PHIL. 305 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,748 BUDDY, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE. I OVERREACTED. 306 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,750 IT'S YOUR LIFESTYLE. I GET IT, AND I AM SORRY. 307 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,652 - HEY, IT'S NO PROBLEM, ALL RIGHT? 308 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:23,388 AND I WILL GET THAT DRIP AND STUFF FIXED. 309 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:27,292 - SPEAKING OF WHICH, I KNOW THIS GUY 310 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,893 WHO USED TO BE A CLIENT OF MINE. 311 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,696 HE CAN HELP YOU. - LOOK AT YOU. 312 00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:32,731 "I KNOW A GUY." 313 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,265 I LIKE THIS CARLOS. 314 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,672 - JIMMY, TELL MY BUDDY WHAT YOU TOLD ME EARLIER. 315 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,907 - SO THERE'S THIS NAG. - THAT'S A HORSE. 316 00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,709 - RED HEADED STEP CHILD. 317 00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:47,412 SECOND RACE TOMORROW, ODDS-ON FAVORITE, THREE TO ONE. 318 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,280 I HAPPEN TO KNOW RED HEADED STEP CHILD 319 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,316 HAS FALLEN HARD FOR IT'S MY PARTY. 320 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,417 IT'S TRUE LOVE. 321 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,786 BUT IT'S MY PARTY PULLED A WITHER. 322 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,689 SO RED HEADED STEP CHILD IS GONNA FOLLOW HER BELOVED 323 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,957 ALL THE WAY TO LAST PLACE. 324 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,625 - SO WHAT'S THE TIP HERE? 325 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:04,329 - THERE'S ANOTHER HORSE, GUILTY AS CHARGED. 326 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,864 HEH? 327 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,799 I GOT IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT HORSE IS JUICING. 328 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,734 SHE HEARS THE STARTING GUN, SHE'S GONNA MERGE 329 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:10,869 ONTO THE GODDAMN SAN DIEGO FREEWAY. 330 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,737 [both laugh] 331 00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:15,674 WHAT KIND OF ODDS ARE WE TALKING ON HER HERE? 332 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,442 - I'M TALKING 50. - 50? 333 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,010 - [mouths word] - 50 TO 1? 334 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,312 - RIGHT? - WOW. 335 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,448 - OH, GOD, I LOVE HORSES. 336 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,850 - THAT'S KIND OF WHY YOU'RE IN HERE, JIMMY. 337 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:29,754 - EH. - 50 TO 1? 338 00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:32,757 WOW. 339 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,759 - ARE WE BETTING AN H-NOTE? A HUNDY? 340 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,695 - NO. MORE. 50 TO 1. 341 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,763 I'M TALKING A G-NOTE. THAT'S A GRAND. 342 00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:39,831 THAT'S A THOUSAND. YEAH. 343 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,466 - WHOA. - WHAT? YOU HEARD YOUR GUY. 344 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,068 IT'S A SURE THING. 345 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,469 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, FORGET THE HOLE. 346 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,838 WE'RE GONNA GET MATCHING BOATS AND CAPTAINS HATS AND-- 347 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,240 I WILL FIX THE HOLE TOO, BUT I DON'T KNOW, 348 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,809 MAYBE I'LL GET A WHOLE NEW HOUSE, YOU KNOW? 349 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:53,344 A BOAT HOUSE IN CAPE COD. 350 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,779 YOU A COD MAN, HUH? 351 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:55,714 - I THINK PEOPLE CALL IT THE CAPE. 352 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,415 - NOT AFTER WE BUY IT. 353 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,920 - THE DEFENSE PLEADS NOT GUILTY, YOUR HONOR. 354 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,788 - I'M SORRY, WHAT? REALLY? 355 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,090 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME GUY? 356 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,425 - YOU SEEM SCARED, TRENT. AND YOU SHOULD BE. 357 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,927 - UH-OH. 358 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,762 - I'LL SEE YOU AT THE READINESS HEARING. 359 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,064 - [clears throat] - SO NO DEALS? 360 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,499 WE'RE GOING TO TRIAL? - YEAH. 361 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,901 YOUR DRUG TEST CAME BACK CLEAN AS AN OTTER'S BALLS. 362 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,104 - IS THAT CLEAN? OH, YEAH, RIGHT. 363 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,773 'CAUSE THEY'RE IN THE WATER ALL THE TIME SWIMMING AROUND. 364 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,274 WOW! - YEAH. 365 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,777 - THAT IS INCREDIBLE, 'CAUSE I WAS HIGH AS SH--. 366 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:29,114 - YOU WERE HIGH? - AS SH--. 367 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:32,417 YOU'RE AN AWESOME LAWYER. - UH... 368 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,885 EH... 369 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:41,226 - HEY, EDIE. - OH, NINA. 370 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,027 HOW AWESOME WAS THAT? - YEAH. 371 00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:45,096 - I JUST LOVED HOW YOU TOOK TRENT DOWN. 372 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,899 HIS FACE WAS LIKE, "HUH?" OR MORE LIKE, "UHH." 373 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,901 [both laugh] 374 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:53,271 - YEAH, UM, SO ABOUT THAT, 375 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,941 YOU DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY WAY THAT MAYBE YOU-- 376 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,810 NOT--OKAY, NOT YOU-YOU, 377 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:01,312 BUT, LIKE, TECHNOLOGY-YOU MIGHT HAVE MADE AN ERROR? 378 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,048 WITHOUT VIOLATING ATTORNEY-CLIENT PRIVILEGE, 379 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,918 WE BOTH KNOW THAT MY CLIENT WAS A BIG ENTHUSIAST 380 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:11,055 OF THE OLD EL GUSTA EL COCAINA PLANT. 381 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,324 - MAYBE I FUDGED IT. - WHAT? 382 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,492 - ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? 383 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,427 - NO. OH, GOD, NO. 384 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,797 OKAY, SO WE JUST GOT--WE GOT TO WITHDRAW THAT EVIDENCE. 385 00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,932 - NO, NO, MY REPUTATION WOULD BE RUINED. 386 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,000 MY REPUTATION IS EVERYTHING. 387 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,501 NO, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. 388 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,103 YOU HAVE TO GO TO TRIAL. YOU HAVE TO. 389 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,272 [elevator dings] - I DON'T--HOW-- 390 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,907 - MIRANDA WOULD DO IT FOR CARRIE. 391 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,408 - WOULD SHE? - YES! 392 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,813 - DID YOU PLACE THE BET? - YEP, JUST HANDED IT OVER. 393 00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,114 "TWO BETS, PLEASE." ALL THAT MONEY. 394 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,949 - WHAT ARE YOU GONNA NAME YOUR BOAT? 395 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,584 I'M GONNA NAME MINE PIZZA BECAUSE I LOVE PIZZA. 396 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,852 HEY, GEOFFREY. - YES. 397 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,287 - WE'RE GETTING A BOAT. 398 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:43,521 WHAT WOULD YOU NAME YOUR BOAT? 399 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,423 - WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING? 400 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,193 [cell phone ringing] 401 00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:49,994 - YOUR BOOKIE. - YEAH. 402 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:55,099 - NO, LET'S WAIT TILL THE HORSE GETS OUT OF THE GATE. 403 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,101 - YOUR BOOKIE? EVERYTHING OKAY? 404 00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,469 - YEAH. EVERYTHING'S FINE, TAPPY. 405 00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,971 YOU? - YEAH. 406 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,840 NO, I'M GOOD. EVERYTHING--YOU KNOW WHAT? 407 00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:03,441 ACTUALLY, THIS MIGHT FALL UNDER THE CATEGORY 408 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,945 OF WORK DILEMMA, SO LET ME THROW IT TO YOU, COLLEAGUE. 409 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,446 HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CASE GO YOUR WAY 410 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:11,149 BUT THE EVIDENCE IS MAYBE... [stammering] 411 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,617 FUDGED-ISH? [cell phone ringing] 412 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:15,053 - YEAH. ASK FOR A RETRIAL. IT'S EASY. 413 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,055 - WHAT IF THE PERSON WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS EVIDENCE 414 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,023 IS A FRIEND WHO-- WHO JUST KIND OF-- 415 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,159 WHO GETS YOU, AND BY DOING THIS, YOU'RE GONNA-- 416 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,162 THERE'S GONNA BE SOME SEVERE LIFE CONSEQUENCES? 417 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,964 [cell phone ringing] - MAYBE ASK YOUR NEW BESTIE. 418 00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,199 - YEAH, THAT SOLVES SO MUCH. THANKS. 419 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:37,876 - YOUR HONOR, THIS MAN WAS FOUND 420 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,478 LITERALLY COVERED IN COCAINE, 421 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:44,015 YET HIS BLOOD TESTED NEGATIVE FOR COCAINE. 422 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,351 THE PEOPLE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DROP ALL CHARGES. 423 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:47,919 [desk squeaks] 424 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,188 - ASSUMING THIS IS FINE WITH THE DEFENSE? 425 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:53,524 - WELL, YOU KNOW, TESTS DON'T LIE. 426 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:56,327 - OKAY, JUST-- JUST BEFORE WE BREAK, 427 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,597 I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY A FEW BRIEF WORDS ABOUT JUSTICE. 428 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:03,101 YOU KNOW, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING, JUSTICE. 429 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,203 HELLO, FRASIER MIDDLE SCHOOL. 430 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,038 I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE ALL ENJOYED YOUR CLASS TRIP 431 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,339 TO SEE JUSTICE IN ACTION. 432 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,440 WHAT DO YOU SAY, KIDS? 433 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,675 HOW'S ABOUT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE 434 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,943 FOR OUR SYSTEM OF JUSTICE? 435 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,678 [cheers and applause] 436 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,048 - AND FOR THE APPARENTLY UNDETECTABLE COCAINE. 437 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,082 - YEAH. 438 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:24,956 [cheers and applause] 439 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,124 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, 440 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,625 THE PROSECUTION HAS TRIED TO PAINT 441 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,961 A VERY DARK PICTURE OF MY CLIENT. 442 00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:34,599 THEY'VE USED SUCH WORDS AS IRRESPONSIBLE, NEGLIGENT. 443 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,967 [quietly] RED HEADED STEP CHILD? 444 00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,469 OH, COME ON. COME ON. 445 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,138 RED HEADED STEP CHILD. 446 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,539 THAT IS NO WAY TO SLANDER MY CLIENT. 447 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:45,109 HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE RED HAIR. 448 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,979 - MR. QUINLAN. - YEAH, YES. 449 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:51,082 YOU SAW THE EVIDENCE. 450 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,951 IT'S MY PARTY? OH, COME ON, BABY. 451 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,253 COME ON, RUN, RUN. RUN, BABY. 452 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,322 RUN, YOU BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL-- - MR. QUINLAN! 453 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,257 - YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, YOU BEAUTIFUL JURY. 454 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,491 YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU-- 455 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,427 - MR. QUINLAN, YOU GONNA GIVE YOUR CLOSING 456 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,062 OR PLAY ANGRY BIRDS? 457 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:07,966 - OH, DEAR GOD. DEAR GOD. 458 00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,101 COME ON, MY CLIENT-- MY CLIENT IS A GOOD CLIENT. 459 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,436 HE'S A GOOD CLIENT. 460 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,072 AND YOU ARE CERTAINLY GOING TO RULE 461 00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,074 THAT MY CLIENT IS... 462 00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:18,676 GUILTY AS CHARGED! 463 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,112 YES! 464 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:24,349 I MEAN, NOT GUILTY AS CHARGED. 465 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,684 NOT GUILTY. 466 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,486 WHOO! I GOT SOME MONEY. 467 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,254 I GOT SOME--WHAT A DAY! 468 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,757 AH, DESK GIN, THE GOOD STUFF, IT'S ON ME. 469 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,258 LET'S GO. PRESENTS FOR EVERYBODY. 470 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,494 BOSS MAN, I'M BUYING YOU YOUR OWN ELEVATOR. 471 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,096 - DO YOU ACTUALLY WORK HERE? 472 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,697 'CAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU DO ANYTHING. 473 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,466 - LARRY, HEY, ANYTHING YOU WANT. 474 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:44,102 WHAT WOULD YOU WANT? - TO MEET MY REAL FATHER. 475 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,771 - SEE WHAT I CAN DO. CARLOS, MY MAN. 476 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,539 - PHIL. - YEAH. 477 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,008 - HEY. - WHAT'S UP, FARLEY? 478 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,209 OH, I GET IT. 479 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,111 LOOK AT YOU COMING DOWN HERE TO MY WORK 480 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,479 TO INTIMIDATE ME WITH YOUR GOON. 481 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,781 I GET IT. I GOT YOUR MONEY. 482 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,216 OH, YEAH. YEAH. 483 00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,784 I'M GONNA FLOAT IT TO YOU ON MY BOAT. 484 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,319 ALL RIGHT? RIGHT TO YOUR BOAT. 485 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,787 THE USS FARLEY CAN SUCK-- 486 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,655 - PHIL! 487 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:08,393 I DIDN'T PLACE THE BET. 488 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,028 - YOU EXCUSE ME? 489 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,562 I JUST GOT SOME BOAT BUSINESS TO TALK ABOUT. 490 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,165 - YEAH. 491 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,034 - I'M SORRY, YOU DIDN'T-- 492 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,569 YOU DIDN'T PLACE THE BET, THE SURE THING? 493 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,038 - THERE WAS NO SURE THING. 494 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,040 I GAVE JIMMY A CARTON OF CIGARETTES 495 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,141 TO GIVE YOU A FALSE TIP 496 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,809 SO YOU WOULD BET BIG AND LOSE. 497 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,344 - BUT I--I WON. - I KNOW! 498 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:27,645 WHAT THE HELL? THOSE ODDS! 499 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,714 - YEAH! 50 TO 1. - THAT'S WHY I PICKED IT. 500 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,215 I WAS TRYING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON. 501 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,052 - BUT I WON. - OKAY, THE LESSON DIDN'T TAKE. 502 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,753 - I WAS GONNA BUY A GODDAMN BOAT. 503 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,688 I GONNA GET A HOUSE ON THE COD. 504 00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:39,323 I WAS GONNA DO THAT-- THAT VIRGIN SPACESHIP-- 505 00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,059 WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THAT UP? 506 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:43,561 - BECAUSE YOU JUST LISTED, LIKE, $3 MILLION WORTH OF STUFF, 507 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,764 AND NONE OF IT WAS FIXING YOUR APARTMENT. 508 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,400 - HEY, LOOK, PHIL, IF COULD WE JUST HAVE A MINUTE-- 509 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,070 - GOOD SIR, IF YOUR UGLY GOON 510 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,672 IS GOING TO BREAK ANYONE'S LEGS, LET THEM BE MINE. 511 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,340 - OKAY, LISTEN. 512 00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,376 NO UGLY GOON HAS TO BREAK ANYBODY'S LEGS, OKAY-- 513 00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,544 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 514 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,379 THIS IS MY BROTHER-IN-LAW, TERRY, OKAY? 515 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,580 HE'S TAKING PARALEGAL CLASSES. 516 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,082 I THOUGHT I'D BRING HIM DOWN HERE 517 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,450 TO SEE A REAL LAWYER'S OFFICE. 518 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:09,554 SO IS THIS IT? - YEAH, THIS IS IT. 519 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,389 - BUT DO LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET THE MONEY. 520 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,557 - YEAH. - OKAY? 521 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:16,094 I DON'T WANT TO BREAK YOUR LEGS. 522 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,695 - [laughs] - [chuckles nervously] 523 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,564 COULD YOU IMAGINE? - YEAH. 524 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,566 - WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? BREAKING LEGS? 525 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,802 - NICE TO MEET YOU. 526 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:28,106 I WAS GONNA BUY MY MOM A HOUSE. 527 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:31,542 - YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO CONCEPT OF HOW MUCH THINGS COST, DO YOU? 528 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,744 [dance music] 529 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,147 - LOOK, EDIE, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU-- 530 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,748 - BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE, 531 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,284 YOU ARE GONNA TONGUE ME SO HARD AFTER YOU TASTE THIS. 532 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,719 - SO WHERE'D YOU PICK THIS PLACE OUT? 533 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,421 ON YELP'S TOP TEN ROOFIE BARS? 534 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,789 - I JUST WANTED US TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. 535 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,891 YOU COVERED SO WELL TODAY. 536 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,827 - EDIE, I CAN'T BE UNETHICAL. I CAN'T. 537 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,797 I CAN'T EVER COVER LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN. 538 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,632 THAT WAS A ONE-TIME THING, RIGHT? 539 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,801 - RIGHT. YEAH, GOTCHA. - OKAY. 540 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,769 - YEAH, NO MORE ONE-TIME THINGS. - OKAY. 541 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,771 - UNTIL YOU TELL ME THAT YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE-TIME THING. 542 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,407 AND THEN WE'LL TOTALLY ONE-TIME THING IT UP. 543 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,776 - HAVE THERE BEEN MORE THAN ONE ONE-TIME THING? 544 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,612 - HAVE I HELPED FRIENDS OUT? SURE. 545 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:08,846 BUT THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO. 546 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,615 I SUPPORT THEM, AND THEN THEY'RE LIKE, 547 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:13,151 "THANKS, BESTIE," AND I'M LIKE, "THANK YOU." 548 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,319 - OKAY. 549 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:18,756 I'M GETTING THE SENSE, AND CALL IT A FRIEND HUNCH, 550 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,592 THAT MAYBE YOU--YOU DO THINGS, LIKE BAD THINGS, 551 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,928 FOR OTHER PEOPLE SO THEY'LL LIKE YOU? 552 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,830 - YOU TOO? [gasps] 553 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,832 SAMESIES. - NO, NO, NO, NO. 554 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:28,866 NO. NO, NO, NO. - SAMESIES! 555 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,801 - WE ARE NOT SAMESIES. 556 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,537 I CALL YOU MY BESTIE, AND YOU'RE READY 557 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,939 TO BREAK THE LAW FOR ME? 558 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:38,342 THERE'S REALLY ONLY ONE THING THAT YOU CAN DO. 559 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,211 YOU GOT TO TURN YOURSELF IN. - TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL. 560 00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:48,819 - TUESDAYS, HUH? - YEAH. 561 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:52,456 - TUESDAYS, THEY'RE LIKE THE MONDAYS OF TUESDAYS. 562 00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,959 NOTHING? WHAT? NO OFFICE BANTER? 563 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,961 - I CAN'T, PHIL. I GOT A REAL PROBLEM HERE, OKAY? 564 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,729 I GOT TO SEND MY BEST FRIEND TO JAIL, 565 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,965 AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO, LIKE, HURL ON THAT WALL. 566 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,733 - WAIT. EDIE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND? 567 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:03,968 YOU'VE KNOWN HER, LIKE A MINUTE. 568 00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,970 - YEAH, WELL, SHE WAS REALLY NICE TO ME. 569 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,972 AND WE CONNECTED RIGHT AWAY-- 570 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,540 HOW'D YOU KNOW IT WAS EDIE? 571 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,709 - WELL, YESTERDAY, YOU MENTIONED HELPING OUT A FRIEND. 572 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,511 YOU DON'T HAVE MANY OF THOSE, AND REALLY, 573 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:14,879 ONLY ONE OF THEM COULD FUDGE EVIDENCE. 574 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,848 THIS IS SUB-SCOOBY-DOO LEVEL STUFF HERE. 575 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,750 HEY, FELLAS, THANKS. - NINA, HEY. 576 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,719 YOUR CLOWN FRIEND SCREWED US. 577 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,821 YEAH, HE TURNED ME IN. DON'T TRUST HIM. 578 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,257 - TURNS OUT SHE LOVES TO FUDGE. - OH, MY GOD, HOW MUCH? 579 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,259 - 89 FUDGES THIS YEAR. - OH, MY GOD. 580 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,994 SHE'S A ONE-WOMAN FUDGE FACTORY. 581 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,663 - OH, YOU LOOK AMAZING IN THAT DRESS. 582 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,699 - OH. 583 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,867 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS FOR ME. 584 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,003 - WELL, I KIND OF DID IT FOR THE POTENTIALLY INNOCENT PEOPLE 585 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,838 THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE SENT TO JAIL, BUT-- 586 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,674 - MAYBE YOU DO GET ME. - MM. 587 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,376 - WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT ME, THOUGH, 588 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,712 THAT THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO GETS ME IS BAT-SH-- CRAZY? 589 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:48,846 - THAT YOU'RE BAT-SH-- CRAZY. 590 00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,414 - THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION. 591 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,250 WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO-- WHATEVER. 592 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,918 SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. - NICE BELT. 593 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,853 CONGRATS ON WINNING THE UFC CHAMPIONSHIP. 594 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,288 - THERE IT IS. 595 00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:04,562 - WELL, LOOKS LIKE I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU, NINA. 596 00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:07,632 I THOUGHT YOU WERE SELFISH AND TERRIBLE. 597 00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:10,968 THAT CROOKED FORENSICS EXPERT TO JUSTICE? 598 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,271 - YEAH. YEAH, I GUESS IT WAS, ACTUALLY. 599 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,640 SO I'M KIND OF THE OFFICE HERO. 600 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:17,308 I MEAN, EVERY OFFICE HAS ONE, SO... 601 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,877 - YEAH. LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY. 602 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,546 BECAUSE OF NINA'S AMAZING WORK, 603 00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:24,882 HERE ARE ALL THE CASES YOU HAVE TO RETRY. 604 00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,984 - AW, MAN! - YOU KNOW WHAT? 605 00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:28,286 TECHNICALLY IT WAS PHIL 606 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:29,387 THAT TURNED HER IN, SO... 607 00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,622 - [chanting] NINA SUCKS. 608 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,357 [both chanting] NINA SUCKS. 609 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:34,992 - HOW IS EIGHTH GRADE? - NINA SUCKS. IN THE BACK. 610 00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:35,960 [all chanting] NINA SUCKS. 611 00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,295 - OH, MY GOD. 612 00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:38,729 [all chanting] NINA SUCKS. 613 00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:41,932 NINA SUCKS. NINA SUCKS. 614 00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:43,934 NINA SUCKS. 615 00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:46,704 NINA SUCKS. NINA SUCKS. 45006

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