All language subtitles for The L Word (2004) S05E05.en

Previously on The L Word.

And I got invited to a Barry Burd party.

One of those velvet mafia-type
underground parties

for all the closet Hollywood homos.

You won't be doing
any podcasting from here.

- Oh, no.
- There's Daryl Brewer,

one of the top-ranking
point guards in the NBA.

- Sorry, girl.
- Oh, it's okay. I've got two.

I like you.

- I'm Dawn Denbo.
- Hi.

This is my lover, Cindi.
Welcome to SheBar.

This is Kit from The Planet.

We're not trying to take
any business away from you.

- Don't even sweat it.
- We're not even going to serve coffee.

- Who the hell is that?
- That's Niki Stevens. Isn't she gorgeous?

She's the lead in our movie.

- Girls in L.A. love their drama.
- Girls everywhere love their drama.

We took care of that problem.

We don't cheat,
and whatever we do, we do together.

No drama.

How could you let a student

stand in front of your class
with a gun pointed to his head?

You are really lucky that you have Jodi.

Yeah.

Okay, everyone. Quick round-table
introduction, then we'll get on with it.

Hi. My name's Cammie,
and I'll be playing Shaun.

What's up, everybody? My name is Susan,
and I will be playing Alysse.

Hi. I'm Lauren. I just took the most hellish
flight to get here,

so I'm very happy to see you all.
I'm playing the role of Helen.

Hello. I'm Isabella. You can call me Bella.
And I'm playing the role of Bev.

All right!

Hi. I'm Gretchen, and I'll be playing Nina.
Can I just say how excited I am to be here?

I think we're going to do
some very important work.

Apologies.

I was signing papers on a new loft.
I'm Begoña, playing the predator, Karina.

Hey. And I'm Cheryl and I'm playing Cat.
You all just watch out.

Hi. I'm Marci. Donna, the soccer player.

Hey, all. Happy to be representing
the dudes.

I'm Greg. I'll be playing Jim,
Jesse's fiancé.

Don't think I'm a bitch because I'm
wearing my sunglasses inside.

I just got my pupils dilated, which is
weird, but, anyway, I just...

I'm not being rude.
I just have to wear them.

Oh, and I'm Niki, playing Jesse. Peace.

I'm Tina. I'm the producer.

I'm also the Executive Vice President of
Creative Affairs for Shaolin Pictures.

Welcome.

Hi, everyone.

My name is Jennifer Schecter,
and I am the writer,

and I'm also the director of Lez Girls.

And I just want to say how thrilled I am,
I really am, to have all of you guys here.

This is the culmination of
so many things for me.

So I want to welcome you guys to
the first table read-through of Lez Girls.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi. I was just having a quick drink.
I had a brutal day at work.

- You've been avoiding me.
- No, I haven't.

Okay, yeah, maybe I have. I'm sorry.

I just think we should talk about it.
That's all.

Okay. Yeah, you're right, let's talk.
Do you want to have a drink?

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't right now.
I'm supposed to meet Jodi, but I...

- What about tomorrow afternoon?
- I can't tomorrow.

- I have meetings all day...
- Right.

...and Jenny is having this party
tomorrow night for all the actors.

I've got to go to that.

I don't want to make it difficult.
I'm not trying to.

- I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
- No, no, no. Don't be sorry.

You and Jodi are together. Okay?

I don't want to get into this whole fucked
up, push-me, pull-me thing with you.

Let's not get all freaked out
and weird and manipulative about it...

- Am I being manipulative? Is that...
- No.

- Let's just talk when we talk. Okay?
- Okay.

- Have a good night.
- Yeah, you too.

It's going to be so insane at Jenny's party
with the whole cast of Lez Girls there.

Really?

Well, it's like that game,
"Who would play you in a movie?"

- Except it's real life.
- Yeah.

I always thought Parker Posey
should play me, but, you know.

Well, Beech and I have a strategy session
tomorrow night.

I won't be home until late.

- Well, you can come after.
- Okay.

The topic tonight, homosexuality...

Hey, Tash, that basketball guy

- from the other night's on TV.
- He's always on TV.

...publicly last year, the reaction
from the sports community was mixed.

Today, another NBA player, Daryl Brewer,

has voiced his disapproval of Amaechi's
homosexual lifestyle.

John Amaechi recently
announced he's gay,

becoming the first in the NBA to come out.

What do you think of his decision
to come out publicly as a gay man?

First of all, I wouldn't want him
on my team. You know?

I don't think that's right. I don't want any
faggots in the locker room looking at me

or brushing up against me on the court.
I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.

Oh, my God, you little sneaky fag.
Oh, my God, Tasha, come here.

You're not going to believe this.
Hold on. This is crazy.

Okay, ready? Hold on.

...as a gay man?

First of all, I wouldn't want
him on my team. You know?

I don't think that's right. I don't want any
faggots in the locker room looking at me

or brushing up against me on the court.
I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.

That little piece-of-shit poseur.

It's one thing to keep
your business to yourself,

but it's another thing
to go spread lies and hatred.

I know! He was, like, three feet away from
me, asking me about my shoes.

Whatever. He'll get his someday.

It's because of people like that, that you
have to fight so hard to keep your job.

I wish I could smack the shit out of that
guy and out his hypocritical ass,

but it ain't going to happen.

So much for that.
You heard it here from News Live.

We'll continue to bring you more
as this story unfolds. Stay with us.

Daryl Brewer's previous
comments have angered...

Hi. How are you?

- Good, good. How are you?
- Doing well. Can't complain.

- This is looking good. It's new.
- Oh, yeah. We've expanded.

Oh, and I see you did
the drive-thru window.

I remember Kit was talking
about doing that.

Yeah, yeah, she told Dawn.

Apparently, L.A. lesbians like
to do everything in their car.

- That, and they love their caffeine.
- Planet coffee? Come on, that's so tired.

You should try our new blend.
It's so much more flavorful.

Oh, yeah?

Plus, we have so many
other delicacies to offer.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Like what?
- Tarts, pie, muffins...

...lady fingers. I could go on.

Well, then, maybe you should think about
giving out a sampler

- so everyone gets a taste.
- Yeah.

Anyway, why don't you come over
to our place this afternoon

and we'll cook you up something special?

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Okay. Sure.
- Okay.

Okay. I'll be there.

- I'll see you later.
- Yes, you will.

- Have a good day.
- Yeah, you too.

Yeah!

- And who is the other girl?
- Oh, well she was the one I met in Cabo.

She was so beautiful and she went to
UCSB, so, you know,

we did the whole commute thing from
L.A. to Santa Barbara for a while,

then it kind of turned into a drag,
so we ended it,

and that's when I met
the other girl, Jimmy.

Jimmy. That's so ugly.

Jimmy was a "boi." You know,
not a B-O-Y boy, but B-O-I boy,

and she was super adorable and I actually
had so much fun with her,

except for when she was drunk,
because then she was a total a-hole, right?

- Right.
- So, anyway, do you have a girlfriend?

- No.
- Why not?

Because I have to be a good girl
and be serious about my work.

- What about this one?
- No.

- Adele, do you like it?
- I think you look beautiful.

Don't listen to her.
She wears "mom" jeans with camel toe.

It's true, Adele.

Listen, you just need to be more
Midwestern and middle of the road.

She really didn't become
fashion forward until she started

this Svengali-like relationship with Karina.

What's a Svengali?

A Svengali is a character in a
George du Maurier novel called Trilby,

and he's a hypnotist
and he meets a young woman

and turned her into a performer
and his muse, and he became controlling

and she found that she couldn't
perform without him.

Totally sounds like Jimmy, a total a-hole.

That looks pretty.

Jesus! Fuck, Adele.

Oh, sorry, sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.

You scared the shit out of me, woman.

Sorry. Jenny just gave me the keys to
the house so I could drop this stuff off.

Oh, God, I didn't know you were baking.

I was going to get some cakes
from Sweet Lady Jane.

No, no, no. You don't have to,
you don't have to.

I'm making party brownies,
so don't worry about it.

Party brownies? What are party brownies?

- Party brownies.
- Oh, party brownies!

Hi, Max.

You know, when I was a kid, our neighbors
had this huge pot farm in their backyard,

and my dad was a fireman, so he was
always trying to call the cops on them,

but, I don't know, I think that the sheriff
must've been a pothead because...

I thought you said your dad
was a traveling salesman?

Yeah, he was. He just...

He just volunteered with
the fire department on the weekends.

Oh, okay.

Okay. Anybody need anything
from the grocery store?

- I'm going to go get the food.
- No, I'm fine, thanks.

- Knock-knock!
- Hey, come here.

- Okay. Yes, I will. Hi.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Good.

- Good.
- Nice to see you.

- How's it going?
- Good. How are you?

Good.

How's Jenny's indentured servant
working out there?

- I gotta say, I think she's kind of cute.
- I know! In a nerdy kind of way.

- Yes... Really hot.
- Yeah, I think so too.

I think there's something
kind of off about her maybe.

Really? Like what?

Like she's not exactly
who she pretends to be.

You're one to talk there, Max.

You know what? Fuck off.
So, what'd you want me to work on?

You just fucked it.

Major project.

Okay, and you don't have any program
to make my boobs look smaller?

- No.
- Okay, go. One last time.

Okay, here it is.

Alice in Lesboland!

Hi. This is Alice Pieszecki,

and this is a very, very special edition
of Alice in Lesboland.

I've got a little beef
that I need to talk about.

I was invited to a party over the weekend.
I was very excited, I got all dressed up.

And I met a fabulous, super-nice, flaming
homosexual man named Daryl Brewer.

Ring a bell?
I guess he's a big sports somebody.

I don't know, plays a little b-ball.
Don't ask me.

So even though I wasn't supposed to,

I took this little video of him.
You can roll that.

Okay, so you can imagine...

It gets me every time.

...I'm waking up in the morning
and I see this,

Daryl on TV, saying this
on the national news. Roll it.

I don't want any faggots
in the locker room looking at me

or brushing up against me on the court.
I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.

All right, I'm letting it be known,
Mr. Brewer, that you're a homo

and a hypocrite.

Yes. Yes, you are.

I love that part.

And I'm Alice Pieszecki, and this is
Alice in Lesboland, and I'm out.

- So you sure you want to do this?
- Oh, my God, put it up. Let's go.

- Launch it. What do you do?
- Okay. Just upload.

- All right.
- There it goes.

- Hello.
- Hey.

Hey. Come on up.

Hey.

Hello.

You like what you see?

Nice shoes.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm good. How are you?

- I'm good.
- Yeah?

Where's Dawn?

I hope you don't mind,
but I kind of want you all to myself.

But I thought you did everything together,
right? Isn't that what you said?

Don't worry about it.

She'll be fine, really.
Look, we have a very open relationship.

Yeah, but if I recall, I think Dawn was
pretty clear on the rules, right?

So, do me a favor.
Call her, get her over here,

- then we can all bring sexy back together.
- She's at work.

Cindi, I don't want drama, so, please,
in the spirit of full-disclosure, would you...

- What?
- Get her on the phone.

What's the deal? I mean,
you like her better than me, is that it?

- No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
- So what?

You made the rules. I didn't.

- Oh, that's so nice of you.
- I can't.

All right, do you want to fuck me or not?

Fuck.

Whoa.

Hey, Kit.
Did you know that those SheBar girls

are serving breakfast and coffee
down the street?

What? I thought they told me they were
just going to do nightlife.

Well, apparently nightlife is now in the
day, and it involves bagels and lattes.

- And it had a drive-thru window.
- What? Are you kidding me?

- No.
- Girl, that was my idea.

I told that Dawn Denbo that I was thinking
about having one of them things put in.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Hey, Max. What's up?
Really? Okay, thanks.

Hey, Kit, can I use your TV?
Can we put it on?

Yeah. Yeah.

Channel 11.

Yeah.

And here he is, Daryl Brewer,
in front of his Michigan home.

I can only apologize to my family
and friends and teammates

and ask for the Lord's forgiveness.

I'm going to take this time
to be with my loved ones

and seek the help that I need.
Thank you for your time.

Oh, my God!

But it wasn't until an
online journalist, Alice Pieszecki...

They know my name!

...posted footage of Brewer
on her gay website, OurChart...

- Oh, my God!
- Girl, look at you. You look good.

...that this story has received
national attention.

The clip was quickly
uploaded onto YouTube,

where it had an estimated 500,000 hits

within the first two hours
after it was posted.

No comment from Brewer on the identity
of the man he was kissing.

I can't believe that Daryl Brewer is gay!

Oh, my God, I have, like,
500 new messages.

What?

Whatever you do, move the crane shot
to the beginning of the day.

Oh, yeah, and you know what? Jenny still
hasn't met with the production designer.

We really need that to happen, okay?

And, you know, could you
be there to take notes?

Tina? Tina, Tina. Tina, guess
who had the most amazing idea.

Guess who should be in the movie?
Sounder II.

- He's so cute, he's perfect.
- Totally.

- Aren't you? You're perfect.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, Jenny, dogs can be
really difficult for a production.

They can make you go a lot longer,
it costs a lot more.

They have these specially trained,
camera-ready dogs anyway

when they do use the dogs, and
I don't know if Sounder's ready for that.

Well, he thinks he's ready for it,

so I'm going to get Sally to get him
his temporary working papers.

Yeah, Sally will love it.
It's such a good idea.

Oh, totally! Sally has, like, 10 dogs.
Did you meet Sally's Maltese?

Well, at least the two of them
are getting along. How'd that happen?

- We have Adele to thank for that.
- Really?

How did you do it? Jenny hated her.

Oh, no, no, no. I didn't really do anything.

I knew that Jenny knew how much
Niki wanted the role,

and that it came out of personal
conviction, because she relates so...

You saved the picture, kid.

Adele, can I talk to you for a second?

First of all, I just, I want to tell you how
much I appreciate what you did,

finessing the situation with Jenny and Niki
It took a lot of initiative.

And, God, I just think you're going to be
a great asset to production. I do.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. I just want to
contribute in any way that I can.

Well, that's great, because, you know,
Jenny's a first-time director,

and sometimes, first-time directors,

they can get distracted
or caught up in the wrong things,

and it would be great if you could just
keep me apprised of anything

that you might think might be
an issue for production.

Do you mean that you want me to spy?

Oh, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't want you
to betray any confidences.

Just give me a heads-up if you see any
potential problems. That's all.

- For Jenny's benefit.
- Okay. Yeah.

- Absolutely.
- Yeah. Just for Jenny.

- Yeah. I'm here to help, so, that's great.
- Great. I'm counting on you. Thanks.

This is Tasha Williams. Leave a message.

Hey, Tash, it's me. Hi.
I've been trying to reach you all day.

And I really, really,
really need to talk to you

because I am being asked to go on
Crossfireball, or I don't know. Whatever.

And I posted that video of that guy,
Brewer, and, yeah, it went viral,

and it's crazy. And all these news
organizations want to talk to me,

so I need to talk to you.

Because I need to know
what you want me to say.

Okay, it's important to me,
so please call me back.

We're going to get those fuckers.
Okay, I love you. Call me. Bye.

Yes, I am professional. Yes, okay.

- Hi, Tina?
- Hi.

Hi, it's me.

I just wanted to double-check
that you'd be able to take Angie

the weekend of the 4th.
I think I might have to go out of town.

Well, I don't have my book in front of me,
but I'm sure it will be fine.

Okay. Great.

- Is that it?
- Yeah.

No. Well, I don't know. It's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal. I just...

I just don't know what to do,
but I know you're busy.

- No, no, no, no.
- Never mind. It's okay.

What is it?

Well, there's this major
controversy brewing here, because Jodi

let one of her students perform
this particularly provocative art piece.

Now the board of trustees is
completely up in arms,

and Jodi wants to talk to them,
but I think it's a terrible idea,

because she's bound to tell them all
what a bunch of assholes they are.

And I just believe that if she starts
talking to them,

it's just going to exacerbate
the whole situation,

and, really, they're gunning for her...

Let her speak for herself.

Jodi's a very capable person.

And very hot-tempered.

Yeah. Look. I know you want to
fix everything, okay?

But you just have to let her
fail or succeed all on her own, okay?

Otherwise, it's just a disaster
for both of you.

So you're saying
that I should stay out of it?

Yeah.

Support her, advise her, but, otherwise,
let her deal with it herself.

Okay. Okay, I'm sorry
to talk your ear off. I'm...

I just need somebody to talk to.

No, that's fine.

Look, I've got to go. I have a meeting.

Right. Right. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Okay. Bye.

Bye.

I can't wait for you to meet
the actress playing Shaun.

Is she ten?

Okay, here's all the extension cords I have.

Good. Adele's just out back or out
in the front, putting up the lights.

Hey, Jenny, how's everything
working out with her, anyway?

Great. She's so good.

I mean, I just don't imagine what life
would have been like without her.

Because I have to say, you know,

something wasn't quite sitting right
with me about her,

so I did a little background check on her.

Okay. So?

Remember how she said her mom
was hospitalized from '86 to '92?

And that her dad
was a traveling salesman?

Well, okay, she said he was
out on the road

the whole time
she was in the hospital, right?

Yeah?

Then she said he hurt his back
in a factory accident.

I mean, I don't get it.

Max, I don't need to know this shit
before festivities begin.

I got to say, I like Adele.
I just think she's a sweetheart.

Yeah, I know. It's just I checked out
her story a little bit,

and the hospital she said her mom was in
from '86 to '92, the Birdwell Sanitarium,

it closed in '87.

Well, I'm going to assume that's because
it was a troubling time in her life

- and her memory's not that clear on it.
- Yeah, Max.

- Maybe.
- Adele!

Adele, come here!

- Jenny, don't tell her.
- Shut up.

- Don't. Come on.
- Adele!

Yeah, yeah, yeah? What is it?

Max thinks that there's something
really suspicious about you,

because he said that the sanitarium
that you said your mother was in

while she was sick was actually closed.

Adele, it's not like I was
checking up on you or anything.

I was researching something for Alice,
and I ran across this thing...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I wanted to clear the air, you know?

Yeah, that's totally fine.
I mean, I get why it would be confusing.

My mom was... She was at Birdwell
but she... When she tried to...

I'm sorry.

She...

We had to take her to a high-security
institution, down in Winter Park.

So, I don't know,
maybe Birdwell closed down after that.

- I don't know.
- Okay.

- I'm going to go finish.
- Just go finish hanging the lights.

Now that was some good thinking.

Okay, everybody settle.
We're back in five, four, three, two...

Ms. Pieszecki, why did you feel compelled
to post the footage you shot

of Daryl Brewer on the Internet?

Oh, well, originally, I didn't videotape him
with the intention of outing him,

it was more of a personal...

Now, it's hard to believe that you weren't
seeking notoriety by filming him

and then posting the footage
on your website.

No, I... No. I just thought it was very
mean, what he said about gay people...

But, that's freedom of speech.

That's his prerogative, to say whatever he
wants to, but it's a violation of his privacy

if you're going to videotape him when
he doesn't think he's being watched,

and then have it put up
on the World Wide Web!

No, I didn't think it would get so big.

You never thought it would get so big?

You're an Internet journalist, and you
didn't realize the power of the Net?

Come on! I mean, these things go viral
in an instant and destroy careers!

lmus, Isaiah Washington,
you know, the list goes on!

Yeah, but it wasn't like that...

Do you regret
what you did, Ms. Pieszecki?

Do you care that you might have
destroyed this man's family?

Wait a minute.
Why should I feel bad for hurting this guy?

I mean, when he's hurting me
and millions of other gay people

by saying such hateful comments?

Yeah, but the bottom line is...

Listen, he started this by saying
awful things in the first place!

So, you're going to take it
upon yourself to go after...

No, I'm talking! I'm not finished!

Listen. Gay people are bashed
and harassed and killed every day.

And then you've got this guy, who's gay
himself, and he's saying this garbage?

It's disgusting! I totally respect someone's
choice to stay in the closet, I do.

If that's what they want to do, I get it,

but I don't think it's okay
to kiss your boyfriend one day

and then go out
and trash gay people the next,

especially if you're a public figure
and you have people looking up to you.

No, I don't feel bad.
I do not feel bad about what I did.

Well, she's got a good point, Pat.

I'd like to actually go back to what
we spoke about earlier, if we could.

- I have an idea.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Why don't we just skip the party?

You just don't want to give
Jenny the satisfaction.

No, that's not it. I'm letting that go.

Jenny can do whatever she wants
with her silly movie.

I'm completely detached from the notion
that it has anything to do with my life.

It is fiction. Fiction.

I would rather stay here with you.

I've been missing you.

With all this nonsense at work,

I think we need to reconnect.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

I want to dance.

- You want to dance?
- Yeah.

Oh, Christ.

Let's go to the party for a little while,
then we'll come home and connect.

Okay? Okay?

I want to change my clothes.

- How are you? Hi.
- Good. Hi!

- This is for you. To get the party started.
- Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you.

Come to the back.
I want to show you something.

Thank you.

- So you're playing Shaun?
- Yeah.

- Good. Congratulations.
- Thanks.

You know, I'm not gay.

Okay.

I have a boyfriend.

Good for you.

- I just play gay.
- Right.

"Gay for pay."

That's cute.

- Hi! Bette!
- Hi, Jenny.

- Hi! Hello, Jodi!
- Congratulations.

Thank you very much.
You guys want something to drink?

- Jodi, do you want a drink?
- Sure.

- Adele! Make them something great.
- Thank you.

Bye!

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Hi!
How are you? It's so nice to see you!

You have to meet "Alysse."

- Look! Yes!
- Is this...

- Hi. I'm Susan.
- Oh. Alice.

Playing Alysse, playing Alice.

- You? Really?
- Yeah!

- God. Oh! Alice. How you doing?
- Good.

- I don't see it, you know.
- I know, I can change hair?

No, no, no, no. It's just I have some ideas.

I was actually going to get in touch
with you through Jenny.

I don't know if you're open to it, or...

- Totally open. I'm like a wide-open clam.
- Okay. Yeah. Good.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hi. Thanks for talking to me
earlier today.

It's fine. It was fine.

I mean, I know it's awkward,
and I just felt really, really stupid.

- No...
- Tina!

- Hi. Good to see you.
- Hi! Isabella. Yeah, thanks for coming.

Isabella Perkins, this is Bette Porter.

Hi. It's really nice to meet you.
I'm such a fan of your work.

Oh, my God. Bette! I should have
recognized you from your photos.

I've been researching you online.
It's so wonderful to meet you.

You've been researching me?

Isabella is playing Bev in Lez Girls.

God, I mean, I knew that
you were in the movie, I just didn't realize

that you were going to be playing Jenny's
warped interpretation of me.

It must be difficult for you to have your life
and relationships examined.

No, it's fine. It's fiction, right?
I mean, it's fiction.

- It's fiction.
- It's fiction.

It's so important for actors
to get to the truth.

I was hoping you could help me
with my "whys."

Your "whys"?

I can see you are an incredibly passionate
and accomplished woman.

You know, you've worked hard
to get where you are.

You know, you're bold and
uncompromising in your vision

and your approach to life,
you've got a great marriage

to a kind and generous partner...

You know what, Bella? I don't know if
the party is the place to really...

But something is wrong. Why?

I mean, what is it in Bev that seeks
to sabotage everything she's built?

Why does she cheat with the plumber?

Does she seriously think
that Jenny's idiotic drivel

is reflective of me and my life, at all?

I can't answer your fucking "whys."
You know why? Because it's not me.

It's not me. And apart from anything else
I am frankly fucking flabbergasted...

I am flabbergasted that
she cast such a white actress.

She's white. Okay?
Was Mary-Fucking-Poppins not available?

I mean, really, what the fuck
can she possibly know about my life?

What can she know?

Is she black?

Thank you. Bette, can I just...

Excuse me.

Bette. I'm so sorry.

I had no idea that Isabella
would blindside us like that.

You know what?
The thing is she's not wrong.

I still don't have any answers
to any of her "whys." I don't.

What happened the other night,
it was a mistake. Okay?

- It shouldn't have happened.
- I know, I know.

- We just got caught up in a moment.
- It's just not going to happen again.

No. No. Of course not.

Are you sorry that it did?

Yes, I am.

Are you in love with Jodi?

Yes, I am.

I was trying to get Tasha
on the phone all day to tell her about it,

couldn't get her, on the cell phone,
thinking, "Get on the phone."

- Hey, do you want one?
- No, I'm good, thanks.

Hey, listen, they're not gay. I promise.

Oh, my God. What if they were gay?
What if our brownies were gay?

- They're all fucking each other.
- You're hot!

I'm fucked!

Ooh, let me tell ya now

When I had you to myself
I didn't want you around

Those pretty faces always made you
Stand out in a crowd

But someone picked you from the bunch
One glance was all it took

Now it's much too late for me
to take a second look

Oh! Baby, give me one more chance

Won't you please let me
back in your heart?

Oh, darling
I was blind to let you go

But now since I see you in his arms

I want you back
Yes, I do now

Baby

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Trying to live without your love
Is one long, sleepless night

Let me show you, girl
That I know wrong from right

Every street you walk on
I leave tearstains on the ground

Following the girl
I didn't even want around

Oh, baby, all I need
is one more chance

To show you that I love you

Won't you please let me
back in your heart?

Oh, darling, I was blind
to let you go

Let you go, baby

But, now, since I see you
in his arms

All I want

All I need

Shane!

All I want

Shane!

All I...

Hey, Shane!

Yeah. Hey. How are you doing?

- Cindi.
- Oh? Cindi, no.

I'm fucking Dawn Denbo,
and this is my lover, Cindi.

- That's Cindi.
- Yeah. I'm talking to you.

I'm telling you, you've gone
and messed the wrong...

Don't look at her! You've messed with
the wrong bitch, bitch.

You fucking come into my house
and fuck my beautiful girlfriend

without even the courtesy of inviting me?

Cindi, you said it was okay!

- Let's just go.
- Stop. Seriously, 'cause I'm this close.

You said that it was fine. You said it was...

What the fuck! Wait, you expect me to
believe that my baby...

- Tell her.
- No, no, no, no, no.

What do you think I am? An idiot?
Does it look like I was born yesterday?

What do you think?

Oh, motherfucker. Okay.
That's funny. That is.

You know what I'm going to do?
Babe, just for you?

You know what I'm gonna do?
I am going to fucking ruin you. Okay?

And every one of your smug-ass
motherfucking friends.

And you, I don't even know you, but you're
going down, too. How about that?

Me?

Yeah. And the stupid-ass fucking Planet?
It's done. All right? It's all done.

Yeah. Oh, that's good,
go ahead and be smart-ass.

And let me tell you one more thing.

Keep those skinny fucking hands of yours
to yourself, all right? It's on, all right?

It's fucking on!

- Cindi!
- I'm so sorry.

- Cindi!
- I didn't mean to get you in crap.

Turn the music back on!

- Who was that?
- They're the two girls that own SheBar.

- Wait, wait. Okay, be serious.
- Want to do me?

- I'll get to you.
- I don't get that.

Like, I mean, I know that they meet on
the couch and they have, like,

this, like, intense conversation about
books, and I know that, but...

What?

I mean, then they just go to the bathroom
and start getting it on?

- Totally!
- Come on! It's so cheesy!

Oh, my God. Fuck off. No!

- Yes, it is, it's, like, Cinemax...
- No, it's...

It's true! Oh, my God, I just had
the most awesome idea.

Okay, you've got to go over there.
Go over there.

- Right here?
- Yeah, yeah, okay.

We're going to fucking
workshop the scene!

- Now?
- Yes, now! Okay, okay.

Just you put your hands over your face.
Okay, you've got to be serious. Okay.

Okay. You are Jesse. Take your hands
off your face and transform.

Go for it. Go!

No, come on! Be Jesse. Be serious.

Okay, you have just met
the most alluring...

Oh, hey, come on! Just be serious.

So, like, I'm gonna... Yeah, be serious.

Okay, Karina and Jesse...

Okay, so you're sitting across from this
woman and she's, like, the most alluring,

intoxicating woman of your whole life.

She's, like, talking
about, like, fucking silver water,

and you're, like, just going insane,
and your, like, heart is, like, in your throat.

And then you remember

that you have this man, named Jim,
who likes to swim.

And you're just, like,
"What am I going to do?"

Yeah, but you have to do lust as well,
two emotions.

- Okay. Who are you going to be?
- Okay, I'm going to be me.

- Okay, Karina and Jesse?
- Karina.

I have to pee!

This is when
she comes into the bathroom,

and she's looking at you,

and then she takes you,
and she turns you around

and she pushes you against the wall.

And then she kisses you.

See? Now you have to go.

Or... Jesse stays.

Niki stays.

No, no, no, no!

- Who's in there?
- Who's that?

Where's the lock.

Where's my... There's no lock.

Gonna take that off?

Just take it off.

Take it off!

Whose shoes are these?

Fuck you!

I totally have these shoes.

You do? I got them on sale.

They're my Daisy Dukes.

- We're going to fuck in a closet.
- The irony hasn't escaped me.

Pool party!

Shut up!

- I used to fuck in this pool.
- Fuck it!

Who cares?

Used to be my pool.

- What?
- It used to be my pool.

- Let's go swimming!
- You guys, I think I lost my buzz.

I'm going to go get another pot brownie.

"It's on," girlfriend!

I'd like to make a noise complaint.

My next-door neighbor.

Oh, my God. Baby. Where've you been?
I've been trying to call you all day.

- Why would you do that?
- Do what?

Out that guy like that. You turned
his whole fucking life upside-down.

- I did that for you!
- What are you talking about?

You said, "I hope that guy gets what's
coming to him," so I gave it to him.

Yeah, but it's not your job to put his
business out there like that.

Who are you to judge that man's life?

You don't know what he's going through,
or what his circumstances are.

What is the difference between you outing
him and the military outing me?

- Oh, my God, that's so different!
- No, it's not different!

And then you do it
on national fucking television!

I tried to call you all day
to see if that was all right.

How can that be all right?

That's our problem. You never think!

I am so fucking sick of you
talking to me like that.

No! Seriously, though.
Like, when is this going to stop?

And now you're doing TV interviews,
and you've got newspapers calling.

- You're like the big deal all of a sudden.
- What?

Did you ever think that this might not be
the most discreet thing to do

while I'm prepping for my hearing?

- You know that they're watching me!
- You're such a fucking hypocrite!

You say you don't want what you're
going through to change my life,

but then the second I do something
that I want to do, you get mad at me?

You're not getting my point.

You know what?
We just see things differently.

Why is my life supposed to stop because
you want to live in a fucking closet?

I did not sign up
for that bullshit. You did.

I am allowed to say what I want
and do what I want

and fucking out who I want
and love who I want

because I live in
the goddamn US of fucking A!

And I'm the one out there
fighting for your right to be ignorant.

- I can't even be around you right now.
- Oh, I can't be around you!

Fuck you!

Honey.

I don't think you should drive.

No, no, no, I'm just gonna call a cab...

- I don't think you should drive.
- No, I don't mind driving.

- I'm not drunk.
- No, no, no. You can sleep on the sofa.

- I'm calling a cab. No, no.
- Come. Come on. Let's go, let's go.

No, Jodi, you're crazy.
I'm gonna call a cab.

What?

No, I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna stay here. I'm gonna go.

Let me get you some water first.

Drink water. Drink water.

- Sit down. Sit down.
- I can't stay here.

Do you know I used to live here?
I'm sorry.

Okay.

Jesus, that party was like
the ninth circle of fucking hell.

- So did that woman ever let you go?
- I had a great time.

Tina got really drunk.

I couldn't let her drive.

I'm going to get her a pillow.