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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,137 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:05,273 - JENNA. IT'S OWEN. 3 00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,508 YOU HAD NO IDEA I WENT HERE, DID YOU? 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,410 - IT'S SERGIO. HE IS SUCH AN IDIOT. 5 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,678 - OH, MY GOD, YOU LIKE HIM. 6 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,813 - I DON'T NEED YOU TO DEFEND ME. 7 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,448 - HEY, GABBY. IT'S MATTY. 8 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,749 - I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MCKIBBEN. 9 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,190 - * I'M NO GOOD * 10 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,524 - I'D COME OVER TO APOLOGIZE, 11 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,493 AND I'D ENDED UP SLEEPING WITH OWEN. 12 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,961 I JUST HAD AFTERNOON SEX WITH A SOPHOMORE WHOSE LAST NAME 13 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:31,332 I COULDN'T REMEMBER, AND I WAS SURPRISINGLY OKAY WITH IT, 14 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,201 BECAUSE I'D HAD FUN. 15 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:36,137 OKAY, YES. OWEN WAS IN ORCHESTRA. SO WHAT? 16 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,738 HIS COMPLETE LACK OF EGO COMBINED 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:41,142 WITH HIS SELF-CONFIDENCE WAS, WELL, SEXY. 18 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:44,145 OH, GOD, WAS THAT CREEPY TO FIND A SOPHOMORE SEXY? 19 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:48,516 - * BABE, I'M NO GOOD * 20 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:51,152 - I HAD FUN. 21 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:55,156 EARTH TO OWEN. 22 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:57,391 - OH, SORRY, WHAT'D YOU SAY? 23 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,860 - ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS ZONED IN WHEN YOU'RE WRITING MUSIC? 24 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:04,398 - ONLY WHEN I'M INSPIRED, AND I'M FEELING VERY INSPIRED. 25 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,100 YOU WANT TO HEAR WHAT I'M WORKING ON? 26 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,370 I JUST STARTED IT, SO IT'S NOT POLISHED OR ANYTHING. 27 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,072 - YEAH, SURE. - YEAH. 28 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,075 [plays soft music] 29 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:23,217 * 30 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,991 - IT'S AMAZING. - MM. 31 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:34,728 - WHAT'S IT CALLED? - I WAS THINKING FIRST TIME. 32 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,597 - PRETTY. HOW'D YOU COME UP WITH THAT? 33 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:40,268 - OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT ONE JUST CAME TO ME. 34 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:44,205 YOU KNOW, FIRST TIME? 35 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:47,408 [dramatic music] 36 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,610 * 37 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,850 - SENIOR BONFIRE IS TONIGHT, PEOPLE. 38 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,752 SENIOR BONFIRE. 39 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:03,624 HEY, BE THERE. OTHERWISE, UH-OH, UH-OH. 40 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:06,694 KIDDING. 41 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,196 BIGGIE? 42 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:11,465 - IT'S WILL, WHEN I'M OUT OF COSTUME ANYWAY. 43 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,033 IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, VAL. 44 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,602 - WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU STALKING ME? 45 00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,736 LISTEN, I GET IT. 46 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,805 I'M AN 11 IN A CITY FULL OF 7s. 47 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,307 I GOT THAT JE NE SAIS QUOI, 48 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,275 BUT IT'S JUST-- IT'S JUST NOT GONNA WORK. 49 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,244 - NOT STALKING, COACHING, ACTUALLY. 50 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:26,146 - OH, REALLY? 51 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,681 WAIT, WE DON'T HAVE A SKI TEAM. - SCUBA. 52 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,517 WINTER IN THE MOUNTAINS AND SUMMER AT THE BEACH. 53 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,918 I'M SAVING UP TO GO TO THE GREAT BARRIER REEF, 54 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,253 AND LUCKY FOR ME, 55 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,855 PHHS NEEDED A SCUBA COACH THIS SEMESTER. 56 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,624 - WELL, GREAT. 57 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:39,026 THAT IS GREAT THAT YOU'RE NOT STALKING ME. 58 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:42,296 I AM SUPER RELIEVED, SO IT'S-- 59 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:45,065 WELL, GOOD LUCK, COACH. 60 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,734 - THANK YOU. 61 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:49,403 SEE YOU AROUND, VAL. 62 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,574 - SENIOR BONFIRE TONIGHT. 63 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,676 LET'S SEND THIS FIRST SEMESTER UP IN FLAMES. 64 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,011 I CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT TO SEE IF YOU WANTED A PLUS-ONE 65 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,680 TO YOUR "EFF YOU, SCU" PITY PARTY, 66 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,148 BUT IT WENT STRAIGHT TO VOICE MAIL. 67 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,750 I EVEN BOUGHT A PINT OF CHUNKY MONKEY, 68 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:03,851 SO WE COULD OVERINDULGE. 69 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,253 - I'D INDULGED, ALL RIGHT, 70 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,954 IN BED WITH A SOPHOMORE VIRGIN. 71 00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:09,290 JUST STAYED HOME WITH MY MOM. 72 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,424 - SENIOR BONFIRE TONIGHT. 73 00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,626 - THANKS, ALLENTOWN. 74 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,228 - ALLENTOWN? 75 00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,029 - LIKE THE BILLY JOEL SONG? 76 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,598 - OR MY SAFETY SCHOOL. 77 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,099 DOES PETE THINK I'M DUMB? 78 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,701 BECAUSE HE THINKS DEGAS IS A CHEESE. 79 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,936 ALLENTOWN, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? 80 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,838 - YOU'VE BEEN CODED. 81 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,039 - DUH. - CODED? 82 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,040 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 83 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,176 - THE PHONEBOOK. 84 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,544 YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW? 85 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,980 - WHY WOULD THEY? THEY'RE BOTTOM-FEEDERS. 86 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:36,183 - CAN YOU CHILL OUT WITH THE HATE-O-RADE AND DECODE THE CODE? 87 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,451 - THE GUYS USE AREA CODES 88 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,253 TO RATE THE GIRLS THEY HOOK UP WITH. 89 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,521 THEY KEEP A HOT-OR-NOT LIST 90 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,122 IN A BIG BOOK CALLED THE PHONEBOOK. 91 00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,525 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT. 92 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:47,495 - WE'RE MICHIGANS, 989. 93 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,697 - WELL, WHAT'S ALLENTOWN? 94 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,198 484? 95 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:54,602 I DON'T KNOW W.T.F. THIS MEANS, BUT IT CANNOT BE GOOD. 96 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,069 - DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU, T. 97 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,505 IT SOUNDS MONUMENTALLY STUPID. 98 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,739 - YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE TOO, 99 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,741 RIGHT, SUICIDE SALLY? - WHAT? 100 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,410 - WE'RE GOING OFF CAMPUS FOR LUNCH. 101 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,077 YOU COMING, SNATCHY? 102 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,214 - ENJOY YOUR PANIC ATTACKS, SLORES. 103 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,652 - DAMN, DOES YOUR SCHOOL PUT SOMETHING IN THE WATER 104 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,120 THAT MAKES ALL THE GIRLS HERE SO HOT? 105 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,523 - ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CHECKING OUT THOSE SLUNT-BUCKETS 106 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,957 RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME? 107 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,326 - I WAS JUST TRYING TO GIVE THEM A COMPLIMENT. 108 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,760 I THOUGHT THOSE WERE YOUR FRIENDS. 109 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,329 - THEY ARE-- THEY'RE ALSO CONNIVING WHORES 110 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:23,431 WHO COME WITH A COMPLEMENTARY SIDE OF HERPES. 111 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,899 ENJOY YOUR ITCHY, BURNING PEEN. 112 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:30,103 - DAMN, MUST BE NICE TO BE SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. 113 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,706 - SOMETIMES IT GETS TIRESOME, 114 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:36,777 BUT MOSTLY IT'S PRETTY [bleep] GREAT. 115 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,383 - YEAH, THROW IN AN IMMUNITY BOOST. 116 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,451 IT'S ON ME. 117 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,786 - AN IMMUNITY BOOST? REALLY? 118 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,689 - I'M LOVESICK. IT MIGHT BE CONTAGIOUS. 119 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,992 - OH, MY GOD. THAT WAS PATHETIC. 120 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,294 - IT WAS TOTALLY LAME. 121 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,197 HEY, I HAVE THREE MOVES, AND NONE OF THEM WORKED. 122 00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,701 LOOK, YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS. 123 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:04,037 I WISH YOU'D LET ME TAKE YOU OUT AND PROVE THAT THERE'S WAY MORE 124 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,708 TO ME THAN JUST CHEESY, MIDDLE SCHOOL PICKUP LINES. 125 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:11,278 - SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE FOUR MOVES. 126 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:15,416 MAYBE WE CAN GRAB COFFEE AFTER SCHOOL. 127 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,021 - YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED AND CORPSES REVIVED 128 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,656 IN THIS INSTITUTION FOR LOWER LEARNING, 129 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,125 SO I KNOW YOU KNOW WHERE THAT PHONEBOOK IS HIDDEN. 130 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,561 SO TAKE US TO THE HOLY GRAIL OF DOUCHEDOM, STAT! 131 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,831 - BACK OFF, PSYCH WARD BARBIE. YOU'RE OPPRESSIVE. 132 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,866 - WHY DO WE GET SUCH A BAD RAP FOR GROPER 133 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,602 WHEN STRAIGHT GUYS ARE WAY MORE PERVY? 134 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:37,471 - RATING PEOPLE BEHIND THEIR BACKS IS SO BUSTED. 135 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,839 DO IT TO THEIR FACES. 136 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,974 IT'S THE ONLY WAY OBJECTIFICATION IS SEXY. 137 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,743 - COULD YOU PLEASE JUST SHOW US WHERE THE PHONEBOOK IS? 138 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,612 - SORRY, BUT IT IS ONLY ACCESSIBLE 139 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:47,314 TO A SAD SUBSET OF THE PHHS DRONES. 140 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,683 - BRAIN-DEAD JOCKS WITH MOB MENTALITY, 141 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,352 MOMMY FIXATIONS, AND PERFORMANCE ANXIETIES. 142 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,921 WHY DO YOU THINK THEY NEED ALL THOSE BEERS 143 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,789 BEFORE THEY CAN SCREW? 144 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,759 - I STILL HADN'T TOLD TAMARA ABOUT MY OWN MAN-ANIGANS. 145 00:05:58,759 --> 00:05:59,960 KNOWING THAT I TOOK OWEN'S V-CARD 146 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,829 HAD REALLY THROWN ME FOR A LOOP. 147 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:05,466 I WAS NOT READY FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH A SOPHOMORE. 148 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,401 - OWEN, JUST THE GUY WE WANTED TO SEE. 149 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,636 - I AM? - HE IS? 150 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,003 - YEAH, WE NEED A STRAIGHT GUY. 151 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,439 WAIT, YOU'RE STRAIGHT, AREN'T YOU? 152 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,107 - YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE. [chuckles] 153 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,877 - UH, OWEN, WE NEED TO KNOW WHERE THE PHONEBOOK IS. 154 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,946 - WELL, MY MOM KEEPS THE YELLOW PAGES 155 00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,013 UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK. 156 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,750 - THIS IS USELESS. 157 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,920 - [whispers] SORRY. 158 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:31,158 - WHAT WE NEED TO FIND IS A JOCK WHO ISN'T A COMPLETE ASS. 159 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:34,428 JAKE, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT A SECRET BOOK THAT JOCKS USE 160 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,263 TO RATE THEIR SEXCAPADES? 161 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:37,731 - UGH, YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PHONEBOOK? 162 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,867 IT'S A DUMB TRADITION. MEANINGLESS. 163 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,735 - YEAH, WELL, WE'RE GONNA NEED YOU TO GET IT FOR US. 164 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,571 - DREAM ON, AEROSMITH. I'D GET MY ASS KICKED. 165 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,839 - AH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS MEANINGLESS. 166 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:49,710 - LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHERE IT IS, 167 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:52,713 BUT THINK OF A PLACE WHERE NO ONE EVER GOES. 168 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:56,950 COMPLETELY USELESS, OUTDATED, A NO-MAN'S-LAND. 169 00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:01,589 THAT'S WHERE I'D HIDE SOMETHING IF I DIDN'T WANT IT FOUND. 170 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,924 - WELL, THAT WAS HELPFUL. 171 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,794 - HEY, LADIES, JUST DOING A LITTLE BONFIRE RESEARCH 172 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:07,995 IN THE LIBRARY. 173 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:12,432 MAN, IT'S A GHOST TOWN IN THERE. 174 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,934 - I'VE GOT IT. 175 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,603 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT DIDN'T EAT YOU. 176 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,538 OH, MS. MARKS, HAVE YOU MET OUR NEW SCUBA COACH? 177 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:20,073 - YEAH, WHY IS HE IN MY OFFICE? 178 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,742 - THE SCUBA CENTER HAD TO BE YELLOW-TAPED 179 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:24,177 'CAUSE OF MOLD, SO I TOLD PRINCIPAL COX 180 00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,480 THAT YOU WOULDN'T MIND SHACKING UP FOR A WHILE. 181 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,415 - OH, NO. IMPOSSIBLE. 182 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,150 NO, I NEED ALL MY SPACE. 183 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,485 IN ADDITION TO SHEPHERDING 184 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:34,054 MY GINORMOUS FLOCK OF LOST LITTLE LAMBS, 185 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,989 I'M ALSO OVERSEEING THE SENIOR BONFIRE, SO-- 186 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,491 - I GET IT. 187 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,192 YOU'RE OVERBURDENED, AND YOU'RE UNDERBUDGETED. 188 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,094 THAT'S WHY THIS IS PERFECT. WILL CAN HELP. 189 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,395 - I'D BE HAPPY TO. 190 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:43,764 YOU KNOW I ONCE BUILT A WARMING HUT 191 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:46,466 OUT OF WET DRIFTWOOD FOR A BUNCH OF MAORIS? 192 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,469 I'VE ALWAYS SAID WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY. 193 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,640 - UGH. - [laughs] HE'S FUNNY. 194 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,474 - I THINK WE'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE. 195 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,609 - WHERE'S THE REFERENCE SECTION? 196 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:59,079 - IT'S LIKE OLD-PEOPLE GOOGLE. 197 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,315 [gasps] THERE'S THE PHONE BOOKS. 198 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,852 - ISN'T IT A LITTLE OBVIOUS? - WELL, THEY'RE JOCKS. 199 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:07,621 LET'S NOT SET THE SUBTLETY BAR TOO HIGH. 200 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,831 [gasps] EUREKA. 201 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,637 [gasps] O.M.G. 202 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:26,506 I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS DISGUSTING, DESPICABLE DOCUMENT. 203 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,008 THIS IS WAR. 204 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,277 AND LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED A B-SCORE. 205 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,612 WHAT IS A B-SCORE? 206 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,380 BUOYANCY? BUBBLINESS? 207 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:37,618 B.F.F. POTENTIAL? 208 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,886 THAT PATHETIC PUTZ PETE 209 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,421 OBVIOUSLY ASSILY ASSESSED MY ASSETS, 210 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,423 BUT WHAT JERK HATE-RATED YOU? 211 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,992 COLIN? 212 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,027 - THAT PHOTO WAS FROM SOPHOMORE YEAR. 213 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,463 I'D RECOGNIZE THAT HANDWRITING ANYWHERE. 214 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,599 IT WAS MATTY. 215 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,072 - YOU CODED ME? 216 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,240 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 217 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,142 - THE PHONEBOOK, MATTY. I SAW IT. 218 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,877 YOU RATED ME? WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME? 219 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,213 - CALM DOWN, IT'S JUST A STUPID JOCK TRADITION. 220 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,781 IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. 221 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:11,384 - YOU RATED MY BOOBS AND MY BUTT FOR ALL THOSE GUYS TO SEE, 222 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,519 AND IT'S JUST NOT A BIG DEAL? 223 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,187 - NO, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 224 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,825 IT WAS BEFORE WE WERE, YOU KNOW-- 225 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:21,595 HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT A GOOD RATING, RIGHT? 226 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,263 - IF YOU THINK THAT'S THE POINT, 227 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:28,068 THEN YOU ARE AN EVEN BIGGER JERK NOW THAN YOU WERE THEN. 228 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,502 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 229 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:33,006 THIS IS WHY I DON'T DATE HIGH SCHOOL BOYS. 230 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,408 FORGET COFFEE. 231 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:39,312 - IN OTHER NEWS, THE GUYS AT PALOS HILLS 232 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,781 ARE DISGUSTING MAN-CHILDREN 233 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,283 WHO USE A SECRET BOOK TO RATE GIRLS' BODIES. 234 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,652 - DON'T FORGET B-SCORE-- 235 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,353 HOW MANY BEERS IT'D TAKE TO BONE YOU. 236 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,289 - ONE OF OUR MALE CLASSMATES WROTE THIS NASTY-GRAM 237 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,891 ABOUT A POOR JANE DOE-N'T. 238 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,560 NEW YORK, 212. 239 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,096 NOT EVEN A BUTTERFACE BECAUSE THIS HEIFER 240 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,666 HAS THUNDER THIGHS AND SAGGY UDDERS. 241 00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,233 women: OHH. 242 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:03,003 - LADIES, FEEL FREE TO RATE THEIR KINDNESS AND COMPASSION. 243 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,273 AND WHY DON'T YOU RATE THEIR FUGLY FACES WHILE YOU'RE AT IT? 244 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,675 WE DON'T NEED TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. 245 00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,976 WE JUST NEED TO RUN THESE BUTTHOLES OFF THE ROAD... 246 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,377 - BEEP, BEEP. 247 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,146 - AND INTO THE GUTTER WHERE THEY BELONG! NO! 248 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,349 [beep] 249 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,389 - HEY, BEAUTIFUL. - BEAUTIFUL? 250 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,891 IT WAS A LITTLE MUCH, 251 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:26,259 BUT I'D RATHER BE CALLED BEAUTIFUL THAN ST. LOUIS. 252 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,361 - I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE SONG 253 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,362 I STARTED YESTERDAY. 254 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,664 YOU WANT TO HEAR? 255 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,632 - ACTUALLY, NOW'S NOT A GOOD TIME. 256 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,435 IN FACT, CAN WE KEEP THIS WHOLE THING ON THE D.L.? 257 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:38,939 IT'S JUST, THIS RATINGS THING HAS TAMARA SORT OF 258 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:43,143 ANTI-ALL GUY RIGHT NOW, AND I'M TRYING TO, YOU KNOW, 259 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,478 SHOW SOME GIRL SOLIDARITY. 260 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,082 - OH, IS THAT WHY YOU WERE SO WEIRD EARLIER? 261 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:52,986 GOD, I WAS WORRIED THE WHOLE VIRGIN THING FREAKED YOU OUT. 262 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,790 - OH, NO, NO. - NO, I GET IT. 263 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,259 MY LIPS ARE SEALED. 264 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:02,029 - I'LL BE TAKING THIS FOR SAFEKEEPING. 265 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,831 OOH, FIVE BEERS, OUCH. 266 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,598 - PRINCIPAL COX SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO CHANGE 267 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,034 HIS DEFINITION OF FEMINISM. 268 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,102 CAN YOU--OWEN? 269 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,603 - HEY, TAMARA, 270 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:15,242 I, UM, GOT ROPED INTO PLAYING AT THE BONFIRE TONIGHT. 271 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,777 YEAH, THEY SAID YOU WANTED FIGHT SONGS? 272 00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,545 - YOU'RE GOING TO THE BONFIRE? 273 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,815 - YEAH, I END UP PLAYING IN ALL OF THESE OTHER LAME GROUPS 274 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,516 'CAUSE I PLAY DIFFERENT INSTRUMENTS AND STUFF, SO-- 275 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,118 - DON'T BE SO MODEST. 276 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,420 OWEN'S A RINGER, AND YES, 277 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,824 I WANT MUSIC THAT EVOKES BLOOD AND BATTLE AND BEATINGS. 278 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,826 DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE 279 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,361 BALLS BEING RIPPED OFF, 280 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,497 LIKE, FROM THE ROOT OR WHATEVER THEY'RE ATTACHED WITH? 281 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,203 O.M.G. OWEN'S A TERRIBLE LIAR. 282 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,838 HE OBVIOUSLY HAS A THING FOR ME. 283 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,639 AND, YOU KNOW, SINCE HIS GROWTH SPURT, 284 00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,876 HE'S ACTUALLY BECOME KIND OF A HOTTIE WITH A BODY. 285 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,411 - MY SECRET WAS GETTING MESSIER BY THE MOMENT. 286 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,846 IT WAS TIME TO COME CLEAN. 287 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:55,515 TAMARA WOULD NEVER JUDGE MY SOPHOMORIC SEX LIFE. 288 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:57,317 - TOO BAD HITTING THAT WOULD BE A ONE-WAY TICKET 289 00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,687 TO COUGAR TOWN. 290 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,057 - "HEY, GANG, ANYONE UP FOR PIZZA?" 291 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,459 I CAN'T BELIEVE MATTY THINKS HE CAN JUST TEXT ME LIKE THAT 292 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:07,627 AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT. 293 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:10,831 - SPEAKING OF MAKING THINGS RIGHT, 294 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,665 I MADE A DUDE DATABASE WITH EVERY GUY 295 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,234 AT PHHS'S PROFILE PIC. 296 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,470 I'M GONNA HATE-RATE THE [bleep] OUT OF THESE JOCK-OFFS 297 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,439 STARTING WITH PETE. 298 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,975 #NOTHINGUPSTAIRS. 299 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,411 - #NOTHINGDOWNSTAIRS? 300 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,979 - #BRILLZ. 301 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,715 - NOT ONLY DID MATTY REFUSE TO DESTROY THE PHONEBOOK, 302 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,250 HE DIDN'T EVEN SEEM TO UNDERSTAND 303 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,584 WHY IT WAS SO HURTFUL, 304 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,353 AND UNTIL HE COULD BE A FRIEND TO ME, 305 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,554 I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A FRIEND TO HIM. 306 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:37,925 - * SOMEDAY WON'T HOLD ME DOWN * 307 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,064 - WELCOME TO THE SENIOR BONFIRE, HIGH SCHOOL OLDIES. 308 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,399 THE REAL BONFIRE, THAT IS, 309 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:49,369 NOT THAT STUPID PILE OF LINCOLN LOGS OVER THERE. 310 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:58,879 THIS PARTY IS ABOUT TO BE EN FUEGO. 311 00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:23,036 [all cheering] 312 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:26,373 - * LA LA LA LA LA 313 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:29,242 - SERIOUSLY? UNFRIENDED ME? 314 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,911 - WELL, APPARENTLY, ALL I AM TO YOU IS A NUMBER. 315 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,512 - THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 316 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,848 IT'S JUST SOME STUPID BOOK I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT 317 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,016 SINCE SOCCER HAZING. 318 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,517 - WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, 319 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,687 BECAUSE BEING RATED ST. LOUIS BY A GUY I THOUGHT 320 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:46,193 CARED ABOUT ME IS SOMETHING I'LL NEVER FORGET. 321 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,295 - I CAN'T BELIEVE RAJ RATED ME. 322 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,530 HAVE YOU SEEN HIS SKINNY CHICKEN LEGS? 323 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,099 - #CHICKENLEGS. 324 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,333 - SOMEONE MADE A DUDE DATABASE 325 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,868 TO GET BACK AT THOSE BEEF JERKIES. 326 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,871 IT'S BEEN LIKE CHAPSTICK TO MY POOR, BLISTERED EGO. 327 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:58,972 HERE, SEE FOR YOURSELVES. 328 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,441 [all chuckle] 329 00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:07,014 - WHAT, YOU DIDN'T SEE ENOUGH OF MY HOT FRIENDS AT LUNCH? 330 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,415 - THOSE SHRINK-WRAP BLONDIES? 331 00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:11,251 RELAX, SADITA, THOSE GIRLS ARE SIXES AT BEST. 332 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,620 - I'M SORRY, ARE YOU RATING THEM? 333 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,423 - WHAT? YOU'RE A 9. A 9 1/2 EVEN. 334 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,291 I LIKE MY WOMEN TALL AND CURVY. 335 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,693 - AND I LIKE MY MEN TALL, WELL-MANNERED, AND LITERATE. 336 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,095 YOU KNOW, NOTHING LIKE YOU. 337 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,596 - JESUS, WHAT HAS YOU SO TWISTED? 338 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,398 IT'S LIKE ANYTHING I SAY YOU FIGURE OUT 339 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,034 HOW TO TURN INTO A SLAM. - I KNOW. 340 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,568 I'M REALLY TALENTED. 341 00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:31,771 - AND A LITTLE TOO INSECURE SOMETIMES. 342 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,206 - LO SIENTO. 343 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,409 YOU'RE SO PERFECT. 344 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:37,777 - THANK YOU GUYS FOR COMING. 345 00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:40,981 SENIORS, THIS IS OUR LAST BONFIRE, SO ENJOY IT. 346 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:44,684 EVEN THOUGH 50% OF OUR CLASS DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVE, 347 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,719 WE CAN STILL ALL HAVE A GOOD TIME. 348 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,888 AND THE ONLY NUMBERS YOU'LL BE HEARING TONIGHT 349 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,623 ARE MUSICAL ONES, SO TAKE IT AWAY 350 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,625 BEFORE I SAY WHAT I'M REALLY THINKING. 351 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:55,628 [rock music] 352 00:14:55,628 --> 00:15:03,570 * 353 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,108 - THE MUSIC SOUNDED FAMILIAR, AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS 354 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:11,211 ANOTHER VERSION OF FIRST TIME, AND OWEN'S SWEET SERENADE 355 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,346 MADE THE BITTER PILL OF MATTY'S BAD BEHAVIOR 356 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,415 THAT MUCH HARDER TO SWALLOW. 357 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,716 - WHAT? THE PHONEBOOK'S SO BAD, 358 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:19,386 THEY'D RATHER FREEZE THAN BE NEAR US? 359 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,221 IT'S A RITE OF PASSAGE. EVERYONE DOES IT. 360 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,555 - I DIDN'T. 361 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,157 THE WHOLE THING'S REALLY MESSED UP. 362 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,225 - IT'S JUST A JOKE. 363 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,826 - DUDE, I HAVE A LITTLE SISTER, 364 00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:29,296 AND I WOULD KILL SOMEONE IF THEY RATED HER, 365 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,999 AND BE HONEST--WHAT IF SOMEONE ELSE HAD RATED JENNA? 366 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,601 - IT'S JUST--I-- LOOK. 367 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,536 I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT SOPHOMORE YEAR. 368 00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,572 SHE WAS JUST THIS REALLY AWESOME, SECRET BOOTY CALL, 369 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:44,777 NOT, I DON'T KNOW, A REAL PERSON AT FIRST. 370 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,350 - YOU LOOK COLD. TAKE MY COAT. 371 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,119 - I'M FINE. 372 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,386 - WHY ARE YOU PUSHING ME AWAY, HUH? 373 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,754 YOU WON'T EVEN TAKE MY COAT? 374 00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,523 - MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO SULLY IT 375 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,625 WITH ALL MY DEEP-SEATED INSECURITIES. 376 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,393 - SADIE, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE-- 377 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,496 - CONGRATU-[bleep]-LATIONS, SERGIO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 378 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,933 I AM REALLY UNHAPPY SOMETIMES. 379 00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,968 YOUR MOTHER WORRIES THAT YOU'LL STARVE TO DEATH 380 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,570 WITHOUT HER TAMALES. 381 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,206 MY MOTHER USED TO SCRAPE FOOD INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL, 382 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:14,207 SO I WOULDN'T EAT IT. 383 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,276 - YOUR MOM SOUNDS CRAZY. 384 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,810 I WANT YOU. 385 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,279 - FOR WHAT? 386 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,014 A GROPE IN THE SAUSAGE TRUCK, 387 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,515 SO YOU CAN TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS 388 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,784 THAT YOU GOT MY HOT STUFF ALL UP IN YOUR FACE? 389 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:28,288 - WHOA, CALIENTE, WHO WOULD WORK THIS HARD FOR JUST A GROPE? 390 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,456 - ALL MEN ARE DOUCHE NUTS. 391 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,024 - NOT ALL. - YEAH? 392 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,559 WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE THAT? 393 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:35,295 - BECAUSE IT'S TRUE, BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME 394 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,996 A REAL CHANCE TO FIND OUT. 395 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,067 [gentle music] 396 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:43,136 - [vocalizing] 397 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:51,411 * 398 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:52,879 - DUDE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 399 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,149 - HEY, EVERYONE. 400 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,818 HI. 401 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,954 I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL THE GIRLS IN HERE, 402 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,957 BUT ESPECIALLY TO ALL THE GIRLS THAT I CODED. 403 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:09,062 NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THEY'RE JUST A NUMBER. 404 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:13,166 JUST A DUMB TRADITION. 405 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:19,038 A REALLY [bleep] DUMB ONE. 406 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,174 all: OHH. - BUT-- 407 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,977 - MATTY'S GESTURE WAS ALMOST HEROIC, 408 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,480 AND I WANTED TO LET HIM KNOW, 409 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,083 BUT GABBY BEAT ME TO IT. 410 00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,485 - WOW, MCKIBBEN, 411 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:36,323 I GUESS YOU'RE NOT 100% DOUCHE BAG AFTER ALL. 412 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,391 - EH, NO MORE THAN 35%. 413 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,227 [both chuckle] 414 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:51,138 [Another Day by Carousel] 415 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:53,506 - GOOD MOVE, WHALE RIDER, YOU LEFT OUR OFFICE UNLOCKED, 416 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:54,807 AND NOW THE PHONEBOOK IS GONE FOREVER. 417 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,176 - I'M SORRY, VAL. 418 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:59,011 - YOU SHOULD BE. I STILL HAD 30 PAGES TO READ. 419 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,248 PLUS, THE BONFIRE WAS MY THING 420 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:04,384 BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG AND STOLE MY FIRE, LITERALLY. 421 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,485 - I KNOW. 422 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,254 MAYBE I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU. 423 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,689 MAYBE I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD SINCE WE MET, 424 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:14,327 AND OKAY, MAYBE I AM STALKING YOU A LITTLE. 425 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,563 - REALLY? - REALLY, REALLY. 426 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,765 BUT I'M GONNA STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY. 427 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,300 IN FACT, I'VE ALREADY VOLUNTEERED 428 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,802 FOR A DIFFERENT SCHOOL ACTIVITY. 429 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,538 - * OH, YOU GOT ME FEELING 430 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:26,539 * YOU'RE STARTING * 431 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:27,907 - OLD HABITS, YOU KNOW? 432 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,476 - * ON YOUR WAY 433 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:32,645 * OH, YOU GOT ME FEELING I WANNA STAY * 434 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,080 - BIGGIE-- WILL, WAIT. 435 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,317 - * I WANNA STAY ANOTHER DAY 436 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,819 * 437 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:44,757 - THANK YOU FOR LIGHTING MY FIRE. 438 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:51,331 * 439 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:54,901 UM, CAN YOU JUST PUT THE HEAD ON? 440 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:04,477 - JENNA, HEY, DID YOU-- DID YOU LIKE THE PIECE? 441 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,645 - IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 442 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,646 - GOOD. 443 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:10,650 - YOU ARE SO TALENTED. 444 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,419 OWEN, I CAN'T DATE YOU. 445 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,654 I NEVER WOULD'VE SLEPT WITH YOU 446 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,823 IF I'D HAVE KNOWN IT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME. 447 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,958 HEY, I'M A SENIOR. 448 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,627 I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS. 449 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,330 YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH SOMEBODY WHO CAN EXPERIENCE 450 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,499 ALL THOSE FIRSTS WITH YOU IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP. 451 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,335 - [scoffs] 452 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,437 I'M SUCH AN IDIOT TO THINK 453 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,339 THAT YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE INTO ME. 454 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:35,375 I MEAN, YOU'RE LIKE THIS SUPER-HOT GIRL, 455 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:38,811 AND I'M KRYPTONITE TO HOT GIRLS. 456 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,480 - OH, NO, NO, NO. 457 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,515 YOU'RE REALLY SWEET AND FUNNY 458 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:46,018 AND INTELLIGENT AND SO TALENTED AND CUTE. 459 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,754 LOTS OF GIRLS THINK YOU'RE CUTE. 460 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,622 TAMARA JUST SAID SO TODAY. 461 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:54,894 - THANKS, YOU KNOW, BUT I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, OKAY? 462 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:57,096 - OWEN MIGHT BE HURTING, 463 00:19:57,096 --> 00:20:01,434 BUT I KNEW I'D FINALLY DONE THE RIGHT THING. 464 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,470 MY MORAL COMPASS WAS POINTING NORTH, 465 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,738 AND IT TURNS OUT, MATTY MCKIBBEN WAS ACTUALLY 466 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,974 A PRETTY GREAT FRIEND. 467 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,545 [computer chiming] 468 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,391 I MAY HAVE CLOSED THE LID ON THE MATTY DRAMA, 469 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:28,728 BUT I'D OPENED A PANDORA'S BOX OF HASHTAG HATING. 470 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,765 THE DUDE DATABASE WAS GOING VIRAL, 471 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,934 AND THE BALANCE OF POWER HAD DEFINITELY SHIFTED 472 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,369 FROM THE GUYS TO THE GIRLS. 473 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:39,772 AND IF ANYONE FOUND OUT I WAS PARTLY RESPONSIBLE, 474 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,240 I'D BE #TOAST. 475 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,146 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... - IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE THIS, 476 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,681 I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES WITH MY THUMBS. 477 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:52,652 - THE DUDE DATABASE HAS GONE FULL-ON VIRAL. 478 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,122 DID OWEN JUST KISS YOUR CHEEK? - WHAT? NO. 479 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:59,225 - GAME IS THE OPERATIVE WORD HERE, PLAYER. 480 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:00,593 - W-- 481 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,261 - WHEN I DON'T ANSWER MY PHONE, 482 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,863 IT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 35444

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