All language subtitles for Tale of Tiffany lust USAC

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we return
you to America's leading sex therapist

on radio, Lawrence Nightingale.

That was a great tape sent in by a
listener. An authentic recording of her

anal experience when she accidentally
mixed up the KY with the Bengay.

Who's next?

I have a problem, and I'm sick about it.

Well, Florence Nightingale makes sick
people feel better.

I've got to give some head right away.

Right away?

Yes. Why?

I have a lunch date.

And if I don't give some head right
away, before I reach the table, I know

going to overeat.

Ah, yes.

The modified Scarsdale.

Anybody out there in a hurry for some
head?

Stay tuned while our guest number eight
has a light late morning snack.

to the rhythms of a hustle.

That's beautiful.

You are listening

to Lawrence Nightingale.

Radio's leading sex therapist.

Thank you.

See you later honey.

I thought this was going to be the most
difficult letter I would ever have to

write. But the Wall Street Journal in my
face this morning suddenly made it one

of the easiest.

This is the day on which I'm going to
finally belong to myself.

The day when I won't have to say when
you come home, hello pumpkin, and then

kiss you all over.

You know, I don't like saying hello
pumpkin anymore.

It sticks in my throat like so many
things these days.

I used to like to say it, but not
anymore.

Want to know what I'm going to do?

Well, to begin with, I'm going out
without any panties on for the first

my life.

And at 10 o 'clock, my day truly begins.

I have an appointment for an intimate
interlude with, would you believe it,

another woman.

I answered an ad in one of those
newspapers, the kind where the ink

smudges. I will have one hour from 10 to
11 to be with her.

Did you ever suspect what evil thoughts
lurk in the hearts of housewives?

I don't really know if I can pull this
off, but I'm going to try.

I don't know if you'll understand, but I
hope so.

I want to feel free.

Can't say when and if I'll be home.

Don't wait up.

Find me.

Oh, God.

Honey, what time are you coming home
tonight?

Early.

When I do, I'm going to bring you
something special.

Bye -bye.

See you later.

I make the appointment for 10 o 'clock.

Oh, yes.

Now, what can I do for you?

You're married.

Yes.

You're bored.

Yes.

Bill, you haven't tasted life.

I want to be free.

You are free.

Haven't you ever heard of Abraham
Lincoln?

Relax.

I want to have an experience with...
with someone of the same sex.

You seem too nervous.

That's because I am.

Go put your things over there.

Relax.

My astrologer was right.

She was?

Yes.

She said I'd get turned on by the first
person I met today.

I liked you.

Yes.

I think it's your hair.

You're getting me all nervous.

Really? You're nervous?

Very nervous.

Oh.

It's time for the Florence Nightingale
show, Cream of the Crop. Cream of the

Crop? We now return you to the Florence
Nightingale show.

Hey, listen.

You're still very tense.

Why don't you go see Florence
Nightingale?

She might be able to help you.

I bet she could be just the one for you.

You can tell her Betty sent you.

And don't be discouraged.

When can I see you again?

Tonight? No.

No, not tonight.

My boyfriend's coming back tonight.

He has first refusal rights after six o
'clock.

Lawrence Nightingale.

What? How do I know so much about crabs?

I learned about them from scratch.

Number nine.

Now, what can I do for you?

Miss Nightingale, ever since I heard
your voice, I've wanted to fuck you in

ass.

Sure, baby.

How can I refuse a smooth talker like
you?

Florence Nightingale will now be well
reared by

guest number nine.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

I'm

getting fucked in the ass.

I think he's coming.

you sit up straight.

Now I'm going to play a tape for you
from a listener who had a celebration

dinner when she became a slave first
class with six merit badges.

This is her tape as she reads with a gag
in her mouth.

And the gag's been soaked in Dr.

Pepper's diet soda.

That's going a little too far.

So, whatever you're doing now, take a
break from the day's tensions.

Sit down and relax.

The punishment of a naughty girl.

Don't say blowjob.

Why not?

Makes it sound too much like work.

Anyway, listeners, I've had this itch in
my throat all morning, and it just

won't go away.

Ladies and gentlemen, Florence
Nightingale will scratch an annoying

Delicious.

I can't wait to get you home.

I'm going to kick the shit out of you.

Like hot needles, stick them under your
skin.

Then I'm going to take cigarette butts
and burn you with them.

You're really into this.

They don't call me the swallow of
Capistrano for nothing.

I'm going to bite you so hard your
nipples are going to scald.

Oh,

I'm going

crazy.

Relief is but a swallow away.

Thank you.

And stick my tongue in your mouth.

What are you, some sort of perverted
jerk?

What do you think I am, just a sex
object?

Jesus Christ.

Number 19.

We now have a regular guest back with us
to relate a story that proves the old

adage, it's all in one's mind. I have a
really fascinating story to tell.

We're all ears.

Well. It was a beautiful sunny day, and
these two joggers are jogging along, and

they came along, these two bicyclists.

Well, you won't believe what happened
then.

And so you might say they live happily
ever after.

I just love stories with happy endings.

Number 25.

Is anyone here holding number 25?

If you are, please raise your hand.

I have a problem.

Not anymore, you don't.

I went to see Betty.

Oh, yes. Hello.

Well, that didn't work out too well.

Although I tried, I really did.

She said I was too nervous and tense and
that perhaps to be really free, I

should come and see you. And, well, here
I am.

Perhaps I made a mistake.

Why don't I just go? No, don't go. It
wouldn't be kosher.

Folks, here's an example of an
unendangered species.

The housewife with an urge for
adventure.

An urge that usually starts to fade as
the sun goes down.

Do you want to know if you're really
serious?

Try to go to a public bar and fuck the
first guy that comes on to you. You

you could do that?

Hello? Hi, baby. I'd like you to come
over and suck my cock.

I can't hear you. I said come over and
suck my cock.

What did you say?

I said come over and suck my cock.

Can you talk louder?

Come over and suck my cock.

Say that again. I can't hear you. Come
over and suck my cock.

I can't hear you.

This is the operator, and I can hear him
perfectly.

Well, then you go over and suck his
cock.

That's right.

Come on, play the...

What'll it be? I'll have a running coat.

You got it.

Ciao.

Bye.

Woo.

Mom!

Thank you.

That's good.

Oh.

oh oh

Thank you.

Hmm.

Peace.

Oh!

real special.

I can take you home to meet both ladies.

Well, hello again.

I told you I'd bring you something
special, didn't I?

That she is.

How are you, babe? Okay.

Missed you.

Missed you too.

Hey,

come on and join us, will you? Come on.

Come on, pumpkin.

That's a fun.

Hey, don't just stand there. Come on.
Come on down.

Come on. And you said you wanted a new
experience.

Hey, here's an experience for you. Hey,
come on. What's the matter? Come on

down.

Come on. That's the kind of time. That's
fine. It should feel better.

Oh, yeah.

Come on. Let me know.

Come on and join us. Come on, darling.

Let's have some fun, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Hey, where are you going?

What the hell got into her?

What about something we said?

On the left side. On the left, please.

Honey?

Honey, you home yet?

pumpkin.

All right.

Oh, honey, what was in that note?

Nothing. Just a shopping list.

Oh.

Did you buy anything?

No, nothing.

Tried some things, but they didn't fit.

Hello, this is Florence Nightingale on
one of my newest therapy tapes.

Tonight, after we practice our self
-abuse exercises, we're going to listen

one of our favorites, the Mormon
Tabernacle Choir singing Battle of the

Republic.