All language subtitles for Mom.S08E03.Tang.and.a.Safe.Space.for.Everybody.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

(knocking on door)
TAMMY: Hey!

Come on in.

Bonnie's still getting dressed.

Whoa.

I feel like I just walked
into an after-school special.

My very tall wife likes to keep
the cereal up in the clouds.

Well, let me help
you with that.

Thanks.

Which one were
you reaching for?

You mean there's more
than just one?

I've never seen
exactly what's up there.

You got Cheerios,
Honey Nut Cheerios,

some sort of Raisin Bran...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Honey Nut Cheerios?

She tried to convince me
they stopped making those.

You know, this kitchen
really isn't set up for you.

Yeah, after I burned my chin
making eggs, I just gave up.

Hey, I'm thinking
we could trick this place out

like we did at the bar.

You know, lower the cabinets,
get the appliances

at the right height.

I don't know, you'd have
to ask the building manager.

The building manager
hasn't had coffee yet, so no.

Did you give him
the good Cheerios?

You mean the ones
you've been hiding from me?

Well, I wouldn't have
to hide them

if you didn't eat 'em all
in one sitting.

You do know my entire life
is one sitting?

I was just telling Adam

this kitchen could be
a lot more accessible for him.

I tried. The owner
won't pay for renovations.

Well, I'm your friend.
I'll do it for cost.
That'd be great.

Would that mean my kitchen
would be torn up for weeks

so I couldn't cook?

Probably.
That's fine.

Come on, we're gonna be late
for the meeting.

Hey! Whoa, where are you going
with those?

Somewhere you can't get 'em.

I mean, the worst thing
that happened to me

was that success came so young.

You know, one minute
we're just a bunch of lads

playing music
in Liam's mum's basement,

and the next, we're on
a tour bus with money and drugs

and women
falling over themselves

to take a turn with me.

See, what they don't tell you is

that the most addictive drug
of all is fame.

Do you know who he is?

Not a clue, but I think
he thinks we know who he is.

I mean, when I should've been
enjoying my seat

at life's great feast,
I found myself

in a hotel room alone,
hiding in a closet

with a bag of drugs,
afraid to come out

'cause I was pretty sure
there was a monster out there,

or worse, someone who'd want
to share my drugs.

I mean,
I should've been dead, right?

But God had another plan for me.

Well, God and my managers,
who staged an intervention.

Next up on the set list was my
first meeting, and guess what.

The universe raised its lighter

and brought old Roddy
back for an encore.

No way. It's Rod.

Who's Rod?
From the band Sachet.

Sachet?

He was in love with me for
a serious chunk of 1987.

There was a time when
every woman in America

wanted a taste of that.

Well, I was here then.
I don't think so.

♪ ♪

(music playing over phone)

Is he wearing
a strap-on piano?

It's called a keytar.

It was a real breakthrough
in music,

'cause it allowed
the keyboard player to dance.

It's weird that Sachet
doesn't have a Wikipedia page.

I have a Wikipedia page.

Hang on, this is the best part.

See, most men
can't prance like that

and still be considered sexy.

I like those shoulder pads.

I tried 'em once
and took out a wall sconce.

Looks like the whole band had
the Jennifer Aniston haircut

way before it was trendy.

(music stops)

Gosh, you remember
where you were

when you first heard that song?

Yeah, right here, right now.

BONNIE:
Look at him.

I never would have
imagined he'd get sober.

Last time I saw him,
we were Lady and the Tramp-ing

a big, fat line of blow.

Did you talk to him
after the meeting?

No, I wasn't gonna wait in line
to shake his hand.

His hand and I have history.

(chuckles)

Oh, I shook his hand.

I swear to God, that man
sleeps in gloves with lotion.

I should start
doing that again.

How long were the
two of you together?

(exhales) Let's see.
I guess it would have been...

(tongue clicks)

...three, maybe four nights?

That was your serious chunk
of 1987?

I've been in love
for four nights.

You should go say hey.

(speaking indistinctly)

All right. I'm gonna do it.

Hello.

Hi.

I don't mean to interrupt.

I just wanted to say... hello.

Hello.
(chuckles)

Rod. Rod, Rod, Rod.

Can you
believe this?

Can you believe
we're still alive?

I cannot.
(laughs)

Ah, so many memories.

Indeed.

And then to see you
in the meeting...

Oh, you were in the meeting.
Oh, good for you.

Good for both of us.

Yeah.

All right. Enjoy that BLT.

(laughs)

We have plenty of time
to catch up.

(quietly):
Right.

His mind: blown.

(music playing over computer)

♪ Out of nowhere,
you were there ♪

♪ Satin jacket,
perfect hair... ♪

Who the hell is that guy?

As if you don't know.

I-I really don't.

You're such a philistine.
That's Rod Connaughton.

From Sachet.

Not a clue.

But I'm curious,
what has led you

to this particularly unpleasant
corner of the Internet?

Okay, how do I say this?

Part of my past
came back into my life today.

But I don't want you to worry.

So you banged him.

I was trying
to ease you into it,

but yes. A long time ago.

(chuckles):
Okay.

So, in the spirit
of crystal clarity,

I slept with a rock star.

Uh, David Bowie's a rock star.

This guy sprays cologne
on your face at JCPenney.

Aw, is somebody jealous?

(chuckles):
No.

We both
came into this relationship

knowing we had a past.

Uh, mine happens to be
a little more vivid, but yes.
(grunts)

(sighs) Bonnie, I was a
stuntman for 28 years.

There comes a point
on every movie set

where the lead actress is
upset with the director,

isn't talking to
her leading man,

is divorcing her
third husband,

and has been on a
liquid diet for a month.

And guess who's over there,

limbering up against a Camaro,
ready to light her cigarette?

(scoffs)
Let's go to bed.

Funny, that's exactly
what Tanya Roberts said.

(scoffs) In what universe
is Tanya Roberts a movie star?

(laughs): The same one
where that yahoo's a rock star.

Also, the girl from WKRP
who wasn't Loni Anderson.

Good night.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Classic 36 inches.

Okay, oven, what do you got?

Let's see.

Damn it!

Hey, Tammy.

Hey, buddy. Listen,

when you get up in the morning
and you want to think about,

I don't know,
hockey or something,

which side of the table
do you sit on?

That one. What exactly
is happening here?

Mm. I'm more than just
a licensed handyman, Adam.

I'm a licensed
handyman with empathy.

See, if I'm gonna design
a kitchen,

I got to see it
from your perspective.

Oh! While Bonnie's not here,

can you raid the cereal cabinet
for me?

Oh, sure thing.

Dang, you eat cereal
like I used to pop pills.

Oh. Oh! I can't reach it.

Tammy, you could still stand.

Oh, yeah. Good call.

All right. Let's
see, what do we got?

Ooh, Golden Grahams?
Yeah.

(chuckles):
All right.

Oh, dude,
that's not the kitchen's fault.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Look what still fits
after 30 years.

(chuckles):
Oh, right. Right.
(chuckles)

Where do you want me
to sign, love?

Oh, I don't want
your autograph, Rod.

Oh, a selfie, then?

A-Are you kidding?

It's me, Bonnie Plunkett.

Okay.

I understand, it's
been a long time.

Let me refresh your memory.

Fargo Ballroom, 1987.

Radisson Hotel.

Ice machine at the
Radisson Hotel.

(laughs):
Oh! Oh!
(chuckles): Hey! Yes.

Hello.

Oh, I must apologize.
The '80s are gone.

Just washed away on a sea
of quaaludes and cognac.

But you got to remember me.
We had something real.

You even said I was
more than a groupie.

Well, that's what you say
to groupies, you know.

That's how you get a groupie.

I bet I even played the piano
for you.

You did. Because you were
writing a song just for...

Oh, my God.

(laughs)
Classic Rod.

I might not remember
the '80s,

but I'm still apologizing
for 'em.

Anyway, I can still sign
your T-shirt.

Oh, for God's sake, Rod,
put away your Sharpie!

Ooh, you're getting a bit loud.
That's hitting my tinnitus.

Oh, sure. You show
up at my meeting,

and you act like this
great, big superstar,

but the minute it gets real,
you get back on that tour bus

and sneak out of town.
Well, you know what?

You don't forget me.

I forget you.

Right, fine.
Have it your way.

Yeah, go ahead, walk away!

I hope I don't see you again!

ROD:
Don't worry, you won't.

Yeah, that's a lot of attitude

for someone who doesn't even
have a Wikipedia page!

Well, he doesn't!

I spent all day in Adam's
kitchen living as Adam,

and I got to tell you guys,
it really opened my eyes.

Does that mean I can have
my office chair back?

Seriously, Marjorie?
The man can't walk.

I have to do my taxes.

You guys, you're
never gonna believe this.

I just talked to Rod, and...

He doesn't remember you.
He didn't remember me.

But, oh-ho-ho,
he will remember me now.

Whoo-hoo. I let him have it
Bonnie Plunkett-style.

I love it when you yell
at people who aren't me.

Ugh, so awkward.

Now you're gonna have
to see him at every meeting.

Oh, no, he will not be
coming to our meeting again.

Scorched earth.

(sighs loudly)

What?

Never mind.

Really? You sigh,
say "never mind"?

This is what killed
your last three cats.

You may have just driven an
alcoholic away from a meeting.

I hope I did.

(sighs loudly)

Wendy, get ready.

I'm about to yell
at Marjorie.

Our rooms need to be
a safe space for everybody.

(singsongy):
Ooh, Bonnie owes Rod an amends.

No, I don't.

Sure this is
the right place?

A few clicks
on the ol' dark web,

and I found his address.

(rings doorbell)

I also got
your Amazon Prime login,

so expect some running shoes
in my size

to come tomorrow by 9:00 p.m.

(door opens)

Yes?

Oh, hello.

Uh, is this
the Rod Connaughton residence?

Indeed.
He's in his hobby room.

Come on in.
I'll go and get him.

Rodney? You have
some lady friends here.

Oh...

my God.

Can you believe this?

I know. He doesn't remember you,
but he's banging Mary Poppins.

(laughs)

♪ ♪

(football game playing on TV)

(knocking)
It's open!

Hey.

I checked out your plans
for the kitchen.

They look amazing.

Yeah, about that.

(mutes TV)
What's wrong?

The stupid city
won't let me do anything.

I have to get permits
for the plumbing and electrical.

In order to do that,
I have to get permission

from the owner of the building,
and they don't want to do

anything to permanently change
the apartment.

Oh, well, that's okay.

(sighs)

At least we discovered
the secret cereal.

It's not okay! It's not fair!

I mean, you
struggle so much,

you shouldn't have
to dislocate your shoulder

to make a frickin' peanut butter
and jelly sandwich!

Can I get you a soda?

I don't know, can you?
What shelf is it on?!

♪ ♪

Check it out.

Portrait of the young rocker
with a muffin top.

I dreaded this amends.

Now I'm starting
to enjoy it.
I know.

Please put that down.

What are you doing here?

Isn't the real question,
what are you doing here?

He lives here.
Mum.

Oh!

Where are my manners?

Do you all want tea?

I also have Tang.
Rodney's quite partial to it.

(laughs)

Um, how about
I come help you make it.

I haven't had Tang
since high school.

I used to mix it with vodka
and take it to gym class.

Ooh, that sounds lovely.

It was,
until we started archery.

It wasn't enough for you to
embarrass me after the meeting?

Now you have to track me down?

Just cut to the chase--
do we have a daughter

who needs money for college?

Well, actually, I'm here to make
an amends for my behavior.

Really?

Maybe if I sit.

(clears throat)

(clears throat softly)

(sighs)

Upon reflection...

it was wrong of me
to say anything

that could get in the way
of you coming to a meeting.

You have every
right to be there

and not worry that you're
going to be attacked in public

by someone who you once
pretended to write a song for.

Okay.

Well, I, uh...

I very much appreciate
you saying that.

It's not often a moment
like this gets sorted out

and no DNA tests are involved.
(chuckles)

Lucky me.
(chuckles)

Well, now that
we got that cleared up...

hope I see you in the meeting.

Okay.

(clears throat softly)

Any chance I could get that Tang
in a to-go cup?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, could you do me
a huge favor,

and don't mention any of this
to anyone?

Oh. So the next time you share

about jet-setting
around the world,

I shouldn't bring up
that you live with your "mum"?

Spot-on.

And when you talk
about hanging out in the grotto,

I shouldn't tell people
you're really hiding out

in your hobby room?

What you got going on in there--
puppets, marionettes?

You're gonna make this
difficult, aren't you?

Look, all I'm saying is,
you're painting

a totally different picture
of your life in your shares.

You've been sober a long time--
where's the rigorous honesty?

I know, I know.

It's just that
when I grab that podium,

I get in front of an audience,
something takes over.

Yeah. Lying.

Well, I was gonna say
"a magical connection

between me and the crowd,"
but okay.

♪ ♪

Tammy, trust me,

these kind of things
used to piss me off,

but after so many years,

I just learned
to roll with it.

I'm allowed
to make those jokes.

Look, I really appreciate
how much you care.

That's 'cause I know
what it's like.

You do?

I never fit
in the "normal box," either.

It's like I went to bed
one night

this average-size nine-year-old,
and I woke up this height.

I was taller than
all the boys.

I could never find jeans
long enough.

I had to cram my legs
under the desk.

A new kid came
and thought I was the teacher.

Oh, and then I sucked
at basketball.

If that isn't God taking a dump
on me, I don't know what is.

Did you have a coach
work with you?

Because if you've got size,
you can just post up at...

No, never mind.
Go ahead.

I remember once
I had this birthday party

at this place called
Cinderella's Castle,

and the birthday girl
got to climb

through Cinderella's
tunnel maze,

and at the end she'd get a crown
from Prince Charming.

Well, halfway through,
I got stuck.

'Cause the damn maze was built
for a normal-size little girl.

(sighs)

They had to call
the fire department.

And little Donna Schroder
got the crown

that was supposed to be mine.

Don’t know Donna Schroder,
but now I hate her.

So when I look at this kitchen,

all I see is
stupid Cinderella's maze.

And you're not getting
your crown!

It means a lot
that you have my back.

Thanks.

I looked Donna up on Facebook.

She's a total train wreck.

Tattooed eyebrows.
Cuts hair at the airport.

Cute dog, though.

♪ ♪

Rodney was always
trying on my high heels.

And he still steals
my eyeliner.

I think it's wonderful
you support him so much.

Well, it was his dream.

If you can't support
your children's dreams,

what's the point?

Wow. He had you for a mom,
and he still hit rock bottom.

He got the bad stuff
from his father.

Wandering penis and all.

Sharing at a meeting
is not a performance.

You're there to help
other people stay sober

with your actual story.

What, that all my money
went up my nose,

and I just threw my back out
cleaning my mum's gutters?

How does that help people?

It lets them know
they're not alone.

And if you want to perform,
get your ass back onstage.

Well, the band does want
to do a reunion tour.

Oh, my God.

The original Sachet
with Declan and Sudsy?

You-you have to.

I can't.

I've never played sober,
and it terrifies me.

No, I get it, I get it.
Look, I never had sex sober,

but now that I have...

it's fine.

But without the drugs,
I-I don't have the stamina.

I mean, the only reason
for the keytar

was so people
could watch me prance.
Yeah...

I hate to break it to you,
but your fans are my age.

No one's gonna be rushing
the stage during the encore.

(chuckles)
Encore?

Our drummer gets winded
after three songs. No, no, no.

Forget it, I can't do it.
I cannot stand on that stage

and look at that state fair
audience and live a lie.

Uh... okay, calm down.

Do-do you have anyone
to talk to about this?

Well, I used to talk
to Rod Stewart,

but he's gone a bit squishy

since he did
that Christmas album.

What about your sponsor?

I-I don't have one.

Ah. There's your problem.

Putting the drink down is huge,

but it's just one part
of being sober.

The rest is about
the thinking.

The things that go on
between our ears.

And if you're not dealing
with that,

you're basically
white-knuckling your sobriety.

And I get it, because
I've been there.

And today's a perfect example.

If I didn't have a sponsor,
I wouldn't have come here.

Well, for what it's worth,
I'm glad you did.

So am I.

I think that leads
to the next obvious question.

Mm, Rod.
(chuckles)

I'm happily married--
I can't go on tour with you.

Oh, no, no.
I want you to be my sponsor.

Oh. Oh.

Well, I have a lot of people
under my wing right now.

But none of them
ever opened for Wham!

Thank you. Thank you.

And I... I really am very sorry
that I didn't remember you.

Which brings me to something
that's been haunting me

ever since you mentioned
the drummer.

Liam?
Liam.

I'm starting to think
it was Liam.

♪ ♪

All right, come on in, buddy.

Ah.

(laughs):
I'm so sorry, but...

I'm not really seeing
what's different.

Well, there was one thing
I figured I could do

without a permit.

Voilà!

(laughs):
Oh, that's fantastic!

I love it! That's great!

Now you can reach
everything.

The condiments,
the spices...

We have Nutella?

Tammy...

you're the best.

Agreed.

All right,
now I got to take off.

Okay.
Oh, there's one more thing.

Can you look at it for me?
Real quick.

Sure.
Something's
going on

with that drawer to
the left of the sink.

It seems fine.

Hey, what is this?

That is
a Cinderella princess crown.

I bought it for you.
I didn't have one.

You have my back; I have yours.

Suck on that, Donna Schroder.

(both laugh)