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1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,105
Okay, maybe I'm
old-fashioned.
2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,806
Says the man who
wears Aqua Velva.
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,141
I thought you like that.
4
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,110
I do. Go on with
your rant, honey.
5
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,412
I just don't think
that dogs belong in stores.
6
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,481
I can't take my ice cream
into a pet store,
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,782
so why do all these people
8
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,784
bring their dogs
into an ice cream store?
9
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:18,386
They're service dogs.
10
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,388
Really? How was that
ratty little poodle
11
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,556
being of service to that woman
with the big, fake lips?
12
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,825
She must need him
13
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,494
or she wouldn't have
bought him a stroller.
14
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,829
Oh, d-don't get me started
on the strollers
15
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,431
or the matching hats.
16
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,433
You know, you're getting
dangerously close
17
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,202
to old coot territory.
18
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,803
(imitating old coot):
Which is just over yonder
19
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,572
by those kids who won't
pick a damn gender!
20
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,141
(phone chimes)
21
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,276
(both laugh)
22
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,145
It's Christy.
23
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,147
Is that coconut or poodle fuzz?
24
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,248
She wants me
25
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,450
to pick up her waitress uniform
at the dry cleaner.
26
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,852
I love how she thinks
I have nothing better to do.
27
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,354
Do you?
28
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,156
My side.
You're on my side.
29
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,157
(chuckles)
30
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,625
"Will try,
31
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,561
but Adam in a
dark place again."
32
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,563
Hey, hey, don't drag me
into this.
33
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,498
Oh, I do it
all the time.
34
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:07,201
If she asks, you have just
a kiss of manic depression.
35
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,870
"Will try, but Adam
really ne..." (screams)
36
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,440
Oh, my God. Are you all right?
Oh! Oh!
37
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,276
This is bad. This is really bad.
38
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,610
Okay, here, take my hands.
I'll pull you up.
39
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,346
(grunts)
40
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,181
Oh, stop. I can't stand.
41
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,449
Honey, you got to get up.
42
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:22,850
You're in a bus stop.
43
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,352
Eventually,
there's gonna be a bus.
44
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,453
(grunts) Okay.
45
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,855
Let me try to drag myself out.
46
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,090
All right.
Hurry, hurry.
47
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,228
Did you just eat your ice cream?
48
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,596
Uh, I don't know. Did I?
49
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,332
How about when you're done
with your treat,
50
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,201
you call 911!
51
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,104
*
52
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,288
So, what's the spa like?
53
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:03,191
Oh, we take hikes
through the desert,
54
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:06,260
we meditate,
we eat super healthy.
55
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,231
It's been the worst week
of my life.
56
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,599
Well, you look good.
57
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,502
Damn well better look good
after I-- W-What's that?
58
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:16,604
What are you eating?
59
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,439
Just a muffin.
60
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,174
Don't say "just a muffin" to me.
61
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,142
I'm on ten calories a day.
Hold it up.
62
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,647
Not the wrapper side.
Show me her face.
63
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:32,253
Ooh, she's pretty.
64
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:35,423
Jill, it's a muffin
I bought at a car wash.
65
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,158
Oh, they're all the same
in the dark.
66
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,562
What kind is it?
67
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:42,930
Bran.
68
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,632
Lie to me.
69
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,368
Double chocolate chip.
70
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,769
Yeah, it is.
71
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,240
Take another bite.
72
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,542
This is getting kind of weird.
73
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,677
Take a bite!
74
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,380
Oh, yeah.
75
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,481
(door opens)
76
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,284
Oh, got to go.
77
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,552
I'm gonna reheat
some pizza later.
78
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:05,719
I'll call you then.
79
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,288
What time?!
80
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,957
Hey, where's my mom?
81
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,559
She asked me
to make sure you were here
82
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:12,760
so she could make an entrance.
83
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,762
What?
Come on in!
84
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,597
Is she gonna do that thing
where she asks
85
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,466
"What's different about me?"
and I'm gonna have to guess?
86
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,368
Maybe, but it'll be easy.
87
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,673
Oh, my God!
88
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,241
What happened?
89
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,642
You made me fall.
90
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,412
How?
91
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,414
You kept texting me
about your stupid dry cleaning
92
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,982
while I was walking
and eating ice cream.
93
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,484
I almost got hit by a bus.
94
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,588
It was nine blocks away,
but she could see it.
95
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,324
Are they broken?
Yes.
96
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,758
No. She tore
a couple of ligaments.
97
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,727
She'll be in the chair
for a few weeks.
98
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:47,995
You hear that, Christy?
99
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,730
Torn ligaments
because of your dry cleaning.
100
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:54,001
Yeah. You have size 15 feet,
but sure, I'm the one at fault.
101
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,670
The X-ray lady had trouble
getting 'em in the same shot.
102
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,472
Hey! My side.
103
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,742
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?
104
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,744
For starters, you have to be
the building manager
105
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,346
until I can walk again.
106
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:08,482
I meant more like
get you a pillow.
107
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,618
I'll take that, too.
108
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,019
All right.
109
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,654
Well, you know,
just write a list
110
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,556
of things I need to do
around the building,
111
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,625
and I'll be like you
and not do them.
112
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,428
That's all I'm asking.
113
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,666
BONNIE:
Oh, I'm slipping off the toilet!
114
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,535
CHRISTY:
Just push yourself off the bowl!
115
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:29,770
BONNIE: Grab my butt. Ow!
CHRISTY: Hold the towel rack!
116
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,372
You're hurting my leg!
(Christy groans)
117
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,640
CHRISTY:
Stop pulling my hair!
118
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,042
BONNIE: Pull up my pants!
(glass breaks)
119
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:38,579
CHRISTY: Great! Now we're gonna
have seven years bad luck.
120
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,481
BONNIE:
How will we tell?
121
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,519
I always knew someday she'd
need help using the toilet,
122
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:48,055
but I was really hoping
I'd be dead by then.
123
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,523
We better
get this worked out
124
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,525
before I have my coffee
tomorrow morning.
125
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:54,662
For what it's worth,
I really enjoyed listening.
126
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,797
You guys should do a podcast.
127
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,399
I'm glad you were entertained
128
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,067
by me almost peeing
on my daughter's hand.
129
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,402
"Almost"?!
130
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,571
It was a direct hit!
131
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,373
(ringtone playing)
Oh, great.
132
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,540
Course my phone's
in the kitchen.
133
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:07,641
Christy, do you mind?
134
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:10,678
Hold on, I'm boiling my hand.
135
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,447
She used to pay good money
for clean urine.
136
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,584
Hello?
137
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,552
Uh, uh-huh.
138
00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:21,489
Okay, I'll tell her.
139
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:24,124
Beverly's smelling
something dead in her apartment.
140
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,426
Not the first time.
141
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:28,462
Hope and animals
go there to die.
142
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,697
What do you want to do?
143
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:30,864
Well, clearly
I can't do anything,
144
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,566
but you better get right on it.
145
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,101
Can't we just turn up the heat
146
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,869
and see if whatever it is
dries out?
147
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,838
Just get up there.
148
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,840
Oh, and grab the hammer
out of my toolbox.
149
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,775
Sometimes the dead thing
isn't completely dead.
150
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,378
What?
151
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,447
They scratch, they nip,
they try to lay eggs in you.
152
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,681
It's disgusting.
153
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,850
If the dead thing bites me,
I am biting you.
154
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,853
Ooh. I'll bite you back.
155
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,489
There's your podcast:
156
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,525
sober chicks
who bite each other.
157
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,865
Do you see anything?
158
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,667
CHRISTY:
Yep, it's a dead mouse.
159
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,801
Wait.
160
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,369
Yeah, it's dead.
161
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,906
(groans)
162
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,842
You're gonna need
a new pair of tongs.
163
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,878
Why? It's just
another kind of meat.
164
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,481
Now I'm kind of glad
165
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,516
I turned down
the lasagna you offered me.
166
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:26,620
Okay, I'm just gonna go
throw Mickey in the Dumpster.
167
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,922
After that, can you drive me
to the pharmacy?
168
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,591
What?
169
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,893
I can't drive at night.
Your mom takes me.
170
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:36,163
My mother?
Yeah.
171
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,699
My mother does you favors?
172
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,967
Christy, it's not a kidney.
173
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,769
It's just a ride
to the pharmacy.
174
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,438
Okay.
175
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,173
Well, I guess
I can take you.
176
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,941
Thank you.
(mouse squeaking)
177
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,410
Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
178
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,749
All right, off we go.
179
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,653
(TV playing quietly)
180
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:00,654
(channel changes)
181
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:01,789
No.
182
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:02,790
(channel changes)
183
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,224
No.
184
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,225
(channel changes)
185
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,660
(scoffs) God, no.
186
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,195
(channel changes)
187
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,197
Wait.
188
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,732
No.
189
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,733
(channel changes)
190
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,801
(sighs)
191
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,604
Okay, we're back
to Matlock in Spanish.
192
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,909
You know the worst thing
about being in a wheelchair?
193
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,680
Enlighten me.
194
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,216
I'm just so bored.
195
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,819
I have all this energy
and nothing to do with it.
196
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:35,022
It's like my usual sparkle
is being wasted.
197
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:39,026
I wouldn't mind getting
a little of that sparkle on me.
198
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,829
What are you talking about?
199
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,732
Really?
The sparkle thing wasn't clear?
200
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,966
(chuckles)
201
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,768
Look at me. It's not happening.
202
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,770
Oh, it's happening.
203
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,972
Parts of it
have already started.
204
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,666
BONNIE:
Pull me up. Pull me up.
205
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,534
ADAM:
I'm pulling.
206
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,836
BONNIE: Swivel and slide.
Swivel and slide!
207
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,004
ADAM:
Stop flailing.
208
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,273
BONNIE:
Oh! Hey, we got it.
209
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:27,875
The right parts are touching.
210
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,076
(both grunt)
211
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,511
(both panting)
212
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,283
We should probably
get undressed now.
213
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,753
How about you just tickle
my back and we take a nap.
214
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,924
All right.
215
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,594
Just so you know,
the light is on.
216
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,762
Oh, thanks, Christy.
217
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,297
Mind if I ask a question?
218
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,601
Why does a blind man
need a light bulb?
219
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,603
That was the one.
220
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,038
It helps regulate
my circadian rhythms.
221
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,642
Also, I have friends who don't
like to sit in the dark.
222
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:04,311
Oh, yeah.
Never thought about that.
223
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,581
Can I ask one more favor?
224
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,782
Sure.
225
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:10,818
When your mom drops in
to fix something,
226
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,654
she usually hangs around
and reads to me.
227
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,790
Oh, come on. She does not.
228
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,759
Started out she'd read my mail,
229
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,761
then we worked our way
up to books.
230
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:24,364
She never even read to me.
231
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,099
That's a sad story.
232
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:29,036
My book is
on the table.
233
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,740
Okay.
234
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,808
I guess I got a
couple minutes.
235
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,844
From the bookmark, please.
236
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,952
"Chapter 12.
237
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:47,154
"She walked into my office
238
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:51,024
"on legs that could wrap
around a man twice.
239
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,627
"I felt a twinge
of jealousy
240
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,362
for the cigarette
between her lips."
241
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,830
Hey, Dr. Seuss,
242
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,866
it's not a children's book.
243
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,137
(breathy):
"I felt a twinge of jealousy
244
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,039
for the cigarette
between her lips."
245
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,808
Mmm.
246
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,979
"The kind of lips
247
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:17,718
that God made for one reason
and one reason only."
248
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,821
Oh, that's graphic.
249
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,757
Don't look at me.
Your mom picked the book.
250
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,061
Hand to God,
251
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:31,064
she reads to blind guys,
helps old people run errands,
252
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,133
and-- get ready for this one--
253
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,769
she got a tenant's Social
Security check in the mail,
254
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,404
and she returned it.
255
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,940
BOTH:
Whoa.
256
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,844
Is it possible
my mom's secretly a nice person?
257
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,879
No.
Not a chance.
258
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,185
I mean, I'd get it
if my mom was bragging
259
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,021
all over the place about
what a great person she is,
260
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,156
but here's the thing--
she's not.
261
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,926
She's doing all this nice stuff
on the down low.
262
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:03,897
Okay, well, let's try
to look at this in a new way.
263
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:06,967
We all know from sobriety
miracles can happen.
264
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,737
Junkie hooker becomes CEO, sure.
265
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:13,106
Bonnie Plunkett becomes
a nice person, no.
266
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,075
People do change
in recovery.
267
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,944
It's true.
268
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,279
I used to be very
quiet and low energy.
269
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:22,883
And you are an inspiration.
270
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,855
But my mom is
a different kind of animal.
271
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,958
My mom... is an animal.
272
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,193
Well, you have every right
to feel that way
273
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,996
given your history,
but maybe it's time
274
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,332
we all admit
she's becoming a better person.
275
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,002
Oh, please.
You know that story
276
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,271
about the frog helping
the scorpion cross the river?
277
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,106
Yeah. Your mother's
the scorpion,
278
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,208
and she can't
change her nature.
279
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:52,345
No. My mother's the river,
and everybody drowns in her.
280
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,987
Okay, I got her
in the tub.
281
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,355
With any luck, she'll doze off,
and that'll be that.
282
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,825
(laughs)
283
00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:08,128
You guys are cute
when you wish each other dead.
284
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,166
Make you a sandwich?
Thanks.
285
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,841
So... you're marrying my mother.
286
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,176
Unless she drowns
in that tub.
287
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,979
Then you're
the right person to ask.
288
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,950
I'm guessing there are things
about her you like.
289
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,052
Of course.
290
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,987
What are they?
291
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,056
Are you looking
for something specific?
292
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,392
For starters, do you think
she's a good person?
293
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:43,997
Let me tell you
why I'm making a sandwich.
294
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:46,399
Your mother and I were supposed
to go out to lunch today
295
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,268
at that new Italian place.
296
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,906
(sighs)
Hello there.
297
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,409
We need a table for two,
298
00:12:56,443 --> 00:13:00,447
preferably by a window
because... you know.
299
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,217
What do wheelchairs have
to do with the window?
300
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,887
Shh. I got this.
301
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,156
I'm sorry. We don't have
any tables available.
302
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,925
Thanks anyway. I told you we
should've made a reservation.
303
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,861
Hang on.
Sir, you can't turn us away.
304
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,863
Do you realize
how challenging it is
305
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:18,065
for us to just
get out of the house?
306
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,934
Bonnie...
But today,
307
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,335
we said, "Darn it,
let's go out
308
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,205
for a nice lunch
like normal people."
309
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,876
Are you kidding me?
310
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,344
I'm so sorry. Let me see if
I can shift some things around.
311
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:34,014
Please don't bother.
We're out of here.
312
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,883
What? Why?
He's shifting.
Uh...
313
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,450
You're unbelievable.
314
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,853
I'm sorry. He's got a kiss
of manic depression.
315
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,121
Keep shifting.
We'll be right back.
316
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,291
Oh, my God, she's a monster.
317
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,861
Thank you.
I feel so much better.
318
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:48,929
What are you talking about?
319
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,398
Well, Marjorie was trying
320
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,267
to convince me that my mom's
becoming a better person.
321
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,404
This is really good.
322
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,940
Excellent lettuce-to-meat ratio.
323
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,142
Thank you, but I...
I'm not done with the story.
324
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,911
Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.
325
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:07,180
What happened next?
She sucker-punch a baby?
326
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:08,415
Just listen.
327
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,152
Slow down!
328
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:15,222
Hey, stop that man!
He stole my purse!
329
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,290
Really?
330
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,993
What are you so mad about?
331
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,361
We're getting a table.
332
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,196
We'll probably get
a free dessert.
333
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,898
How could you embarrass
me like that?
334
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,967
What's embarrassing?
It was working.
335
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,501
You made me an
object of pity.
336
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,503
Well, to get what
Napa Valley Monthly calls
337
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,240
"the best bucatini
outside of Naples."
338
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,075
Bonnie, I don't want
people to see me
339
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,444
as different,
as "less than."
340
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,412
You're not "less than."
You're damn right I'm not.
341
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,182
But you wanted the maître d'
to feel sorry for us.
342
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,117
I just thought
I could get a better table.
343
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,485
Do you know
how hard I work
344
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,288
for people not to see
me as a guy in a chair?
345
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,223
I guess I-I don't
think about it
346
00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,325
because you make it
look so easy.
347
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,361
Well, that's the way
that I want it to look.
348
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,330
I don't cut in line, I don't
bitch when there's not a ramp,
349
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,299
and I don't ask for
special treatment.
350
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,369
Ever.
351
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:10,210
No, you don't, and...
and I shouldn't have, either.
352
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:15,182
I guess I don't think enough
about what you go through
353
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,551
because I'm too busy
thinking about myself.
354
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:26,326
I'm sorry, Adam.
I'm so, so sorry.
355
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:32,032
She actually said,
"So, so sorry"?
356
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,067
It surprised me, too.
357
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,205
She just straight-up apologized?
358
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,342
No blaming other people,
359
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,244
no fake tears,
360
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,047
no "I grew up
in the foster system.
361
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,349
I slept in a dog bed
till I was 11."
362
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:54,487
She even went back inside
and apologized to the maître d'.
363
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:57,090
Wow.
364
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,126
She really is changing.
365
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,194
Well...
BONNIE:
Damn it, Christy!
366
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:03,363
My bath is
getting cold!
367
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,498
So turn the hot water on!
368
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,367
I can't!
I'm reading!
369
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,204
Just give her a second.
370
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,207
Never mind!
I figured it out!
371
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:16,043
I put the book down!
372
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,614
WOMAN (over TV):
Don't avoid the world
373
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,184
because of moderate
to severe plaque psoriasis.
374
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:28,421
Do you have any idea
what plaque psoriasis is?
375
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:32,192
Maybe it's when you get an award
for your psoriasis.
376
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,294
Well, this guy has it,
and then he took this pill,
377
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,229
and now he's having
the best day of his life.
378
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,498
He's swimming,
he's making pottery.
379
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:42,335
Hey, I kind of wish I had it.
380
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:43,603
Ready for your lunch?
381
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,605
I was ready 30 minutes ago.
382
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,075
How long does it take you
to open a can?
383
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,077
Actually, it's
not from a can.
384
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,644
I made it from scratch.
385
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,481
Really? What's that
floatin' in there?
386
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,648
Vegetables.
387
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,484
Ugh.
388
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,053
Well, I'll choke it down.
389
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,654
Bon appétit.
390
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,424
What's with the smile?
391
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:08,428
I'm just... happy
you're my mom.
392
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,531
Why?
393
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,633
You're so funny.
394
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,568
Careful. It's hot.
395
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:19,139
This unexpected pleasantness
is very unsettling.
396
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:22,242
Can't a daughter just
be nice to her mother?
397
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,611
Not this daughter,
not this mother.
398
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,446
Well, you better
get used to it,
399
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,281
because I love you
no matter what.
400
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,417
Yeah, well, uh,
401
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:33,420
I used the lost kid room
at Walmart for day care.
402
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,422
That's okay.
403
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:38,425
The security guard taught me
how to spell my name.
404
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,593
What's that all about?
405
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,429
Oh, Christy's acting
like she loves me,
406
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,631
and it's really pissing me off.
407
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,266
I love you, too.
408
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,268
I will kick you with this boot.
409
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:58,111
(whistling a tune)
410
00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,612
(door opens)
CHRISTY: Mom?
411
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,616
(door closes)
412
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:07,554
Hey.
413
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,490
Hey.
414
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,459
Weren't you supposed
to go to the doctor today?
415
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,127
I did.
416
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,329
Turns out he wants me
to stay off my feet
417
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,398
another week just to be safe.
418
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,267
Oh, no.
419
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:23,203
I know. I'm so disappointed.
420
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,205
I really hate being a burden.
421
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,174
You're not a burden.
422
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,541
Oh, thanks, honey.
423
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,344
By the way,
there is a family of raccoons
424
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,513
living in the wall of 5G.
425
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,483
You're gonna need the gloves,
426
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,485
and as cute
as you think the babies are,
427
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,320
they will go
right for your eyes.
428
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,655
I'm on it.
429
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:45,192
Christy, wait.
430
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,626
Yeah?
431
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,595
There's something
I have to tell you.
432
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,567
My laundry is really piling up.
433
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,769
I'll take care of it.
434
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,438
You're the best.
435
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,240
By the way,
436
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,242
you might want to
close that cabinet,
437
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,211
you lying, worthless dirtbag.
438
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:10,783
Don't tell Adam!
Don't tell Adam!
30675
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