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1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,092
♪ Happy birthday, dear Christy
2
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:08,617
♪ Happy birthday to you
3
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:12,142
♪ Keep coming back.
4
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:13,665
What's that?
5
00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:15,102
Jazz hands.
6
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:16,538
Those aren't jazz hands.
7
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:18,844
These are jazz hands.
8
00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:22,370
Excuse me, I went
to dance camp.
9
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,067
These are jazz hands.
10
00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:26,374
Can I blow out
my candles now?
11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:27,462
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
12
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:33,598
Speech.
13
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,643
Yeah, speech.Say something.
14
00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:36,688
Okay.
15
00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:38,255
Thank you, guys.
16
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:41,606
Ugh. I really can't believe
I've been sober for four years.
17
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,130
I mean, think about it.
18
00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:45,306
That's a long time to go
without puking.
19
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:47,047
You did have a stomach flu.
20
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:50,224
Any puke that's not flammable
is a happy puke.
21
00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:54,750
Anyway, I'm really grateful
to be sober,
22
00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:58,536
and I'm really grateful to have
friends who I love so much.
23
00:00:58,580 --> 00:00:59,885
[clears throat]
24
00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:01,844
Yeah, I see you there.
25
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:05,587
Christy,
I'm so proud of you.
26
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,502
You've grown so much.
27
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,939
Thank you.
You've been a big part of it.
28
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,767
Hey, everybody, I just
want you to know,
29
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,899
dinner and dessert,
it's all on me.
30
00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,249
Mom, you didn't have to do that.Aw, thanks, Bonnie.
31
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,467
About friggin' time.
32
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:18,339
Hey, I have grown, too.
33
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,732
I've got a good job, I'm
in a stable relationship,
34
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:23,431
when the doorbell rings, I no
longer hide in an air vent.
35
00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:24,693
She's like a rat.
36
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:26,869
If her nose can get in,
she can get in.
37
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,742
I'm sorry,
your card got declined.
38
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,527
Quelle surprise.
39
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:35,443
Hold on, you've obviously
screwed this up.
40
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:38,054
How about you skedaddle back
and run it through again.
41
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,751
Actually, they told me
to destroy it,
42
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:42,667
but I was being nice,
you ungrateful giraffe.
43
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,457
Well, clearly, I am the victim
of identity theft.
44
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,677
Oh, please. Whose life is so sad
they'd rather be you?
45
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,855
♪
46
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,220
Uh-huh. All right.
47
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:15,613
Well, that clears it up.
48
00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:18,007
Thanks. You have
a nice day, too.
49
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:20,314
Okay, I know why my card
was declined.
50
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,623
Are we supposed to guess?
51
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,234
It's not a big deal.
52
00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:28,670
Did you put cheese in these?
53
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,628
Is she kidding?She's deflecting.
54
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:31,977
She does that
when she's scared.
55
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,023
I'm not scared, you're scared.
56
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,635
Mmm. Tastes like Monterey Jack?
57
00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:39,420
Tell us!
58
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:43,641
Fine. Apparently, the IRS
put a lien on my account.
59
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:44,990
Oh, Mom.
60
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:46,340
How much money do you owe?
61
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:47,950
Ten grand, give or take.
62
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,996
What does that mean?18.
63
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,346
What?
64
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,217
How does that happen?
65
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:57,699
We live here rent free
'cause I'm the building manager.
66
00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,788
Apparently,
that counts as income.
67
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:00,745
Oh, God.
68
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,225
Oh, relax. I've got no money.
69
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,009
They can't get blood
out of a rock.
70
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,011
Yeah, but they can
put the rock in jail.
71
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,926
No, they wouldn't do that to me.
72
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,493
I am a nice sober lady now.
73
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,061
I'm a card-carrying member
of AARP.
74
00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,715
Great.
75
00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:15,412
So you'll enjoy
the senior discount
76
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,936
at the prison commissary.
77
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,895
Okay, you guys
are kind of freaking me out.
78
00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:21,462
You should be freaked out.
79
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:24,856
I don't want
to go to jail again.
80
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,642
When I'm gay,
I want it to be on my terms.
81
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:34,214
How can you just sit there and
stuff your face with ice cream?
82
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:37,260
I wanted a snack
before I walk the Green Mile.
83
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,349
Look, Adam offered
to lend you the money.
84
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:40,829
Why don't you just take it?
85
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:42,613
No, 'cause we both know
what happens then.
86
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:45,268
Every time I sleep with him,
I'm trying to pay it off.
87
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,488
Who needs the lockjaw?
88
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:48,793
Really?
89
00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:50,447
Now you decide
to have standards?
90
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,101
You need a lawyer.
91
00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:53,624
Yeah, but then they're
gonna send a bill,
92
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:55,017
and I'm down on
my knees again.
93
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,497
[sighs]
94
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,107
I bet Steve
would do it pro bono.
95
00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,543
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
96
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,979
It means "for free."
97
00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,547
Oh. That's a thought.
98
00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:07,203
I slept with him pro bono,
so he actually owes me.
99
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,901
[ringtone playing]
100
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:11,947
[Mexican music playing]
101
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,819
Hola.
102
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,647
Hey, Steve, it's Bonnie.
103
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,954
Hey, stranger, long time.
104
00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:20,521
Yeah, haven't seen
you in a while.
105
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:21,783
Where you been hiding out?
106
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,915
What's that supposed to mean?
107
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:28,050
I'm just making small talk.
108
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:31,445
Oh. Be careful with that.
109
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:32,924
Is everything okay?
110
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,448
Yeah, everything's fine.
111
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,277
I, uh, lost a case
and the kid went to jail.
112
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,278
That's too bad.
113
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:39,714
No, he should be in jail.
114
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,020
He's a monster.
115
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:46,286
The bad part is that his uncle
is a Mexican drug lord,
116
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,331
kind of a vindictive guy,
117
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,333
so I thought it prudent
to leave the country.
118
00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,466
Smart move.
Where'd you go?
119
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:55,469
[whispers]:
Mexico.
120
00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,343
I can't believe I
slept with this guy.
121
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:01,692
So why'd you call?
122
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,349
Well, it's a little
embarrassing,
123
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:09,613
but the truth is
I butt-dialed you.
124
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,789
Oh, so a happy accident.
125
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:14,139
Hello to your butt.
126
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:16,664
Want to hear some irony?
127
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:20,320
Turns out,
I'm allergic to pinto beans.
128
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:27,414
So, bottom line, I need
a good tax attorney.
129
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:29,111
Maybe somebody I can
work a trade with.
130
00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:31,809
You know, house-sit,
paint the garage.
131
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:35,117
All I have is an adoption
attorney and a divorce attorney.
132
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,597
Oh, and a malpractice guy
133
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,164
for when I had to have
my boobs re-jiggered.
134
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,776
That's not gonna do it.
135
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,517
I have a patent attorney.
136
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,564
Yes, I invented something,
137
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,392
and no, I will not
tell you what it is.
138
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,353
What about what's-his-name,
your half-brother?
139
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,180
Ray? I can't go to him.
I just met the guy.
140
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,791
I'm not gonna hit him up
for a favor.
141
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,749
You were also
kind of a dick to him.
142
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,969
Takes two to dick.
143
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:03,624
Not with my new invention.
144
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:09,630
Hey, why not have Christy
represent you?
145
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,936
Oh, that's a good idea.
She's almost a lawyer.
146
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,329
What are you talking about?
147
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,896
I'm not even in law school yet.
148
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:17,768
I still have to take
a gym class.
149
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,684
Your mom's not up for murder,
she just owes some money.
150
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,773
The IRS just wants
to make a deal.
151
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:25,210
They don't try
to put anybody in jail.
152
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,777
They put Wesley Snipes
in jail.
153
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:27,996
Not helping, Wendy.
154
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,432
It's just that
they robbed us
155
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,652
of so many
action-packed movies.
156
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,091
You could do it.
157
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,832
What do you think?
158
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,486
Do you know anything
about taxes?
159
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,662
I know you're supposed
to pay them.
160
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:43,838
That's more than me.
You're hired.
161
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:47,798
What do you think?
162
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,234
Can I plead insanity?
163
00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:51,846
You can plead
you're a magical elf,
164
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:53,848
you're still gonna
owe them 18 grand.
165
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:56,677
I don't think
I can help you, Mom.
166
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,897
Hey, I did not raise you
to be a quitter.
167
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:03,248
The first half of that sentence
is correct.
168
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:04,598
Christy, I brought you
some coffee.
169
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:05,599
Thanks.
170
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:06,904
Did you bring me one?
171
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:09,167
Give me a break,
I only got one crotch.
172
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,043
Just to be clear, no matter
how late I stay up tonight,
173
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,175
I'm not gonna become a
tax lawyer by tomorrow morning.
174
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:19,482
Don't say that.
I believe in you.
175
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,397
Yeah, well, who cares?
176
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,400
All right, I see
what's happening here.
177
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,967
Someone needs
a little positivity.
178
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,098
Maybe this will help.
179
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:32,582
[humming "Chariots of Fire"]
180
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:35,585
Adam, make her stop.
181
00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:37,195
[continues humming]
182
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,980
[humming drumbeat]
183
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,166
You know what?
184
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:53,124
This is actually
kind of helping!
185
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,083
[both humming louder]
186
00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:01,568
[exhales] This is the unhappiest
place I've ever been,
187
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:05,267
and I've waited in line
for eyeglasses at Costco.
188
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,922
Stop talking.
You're making me nervous.
189
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,967
What are you nervous about?
Your neck isn't on the line.
190
00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:12,883
Hey, I have to pretend to be
a lawyer, pretend we have a case
191
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,929
and pretend these stockings
aren't halfway up my ass.
192
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,803
Sorry to keep you,
but I'm on a liquid diet
193
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:22,284
and everything's coming out
basically how it went in.
194
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,332
If you're not feeling well,
we could reschedule.
195
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,682
That's okay.
196
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:31,685
I've got ten minutes
till the bell rings again.
197
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:36,341
So which one of you
is Ms. Plunkett?
198
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:39,649
Technically we both are,
but she's the defendant.
199
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:42,522
I'm Christy Plunkett, her
daughter and legal advisor.
200
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,567
Okay.
201
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,268
All right, I looked over
your file and it appears
202
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:52,706
you didn't declare income
for the last three years.
203
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,142
Can you explain that?
204
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:55,143
Yes, we can.
205
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,536
You don't have to stand.
206
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,059
Okay, but while I'm up...
207
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:08,417
We contend that this has
been a misunderstanding.
208
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:11,115
My mom, a.k.a.
Bonnie Plunkett,
209
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,596
didn't know she was supposed
to report free rent as income.
210
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,729
Yeah, you see, this is my
first time managing a building.
211
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,905
I wasn't aware of how it worked.
You get that, right?
212
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:18,688
No.
213
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,997
So what did you do before
you managed a building?
214
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,390
[chuckles]:
Gosh, it's been so long.
215
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,218
I hardly remember
what I had for breakfast.
216
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,786
I had spinach juice.
217
00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,791
All right, let's set aside
the last three years.
218
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:35,923
Great.
219
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:37,533
What is of more concern
to the IRS is
220
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,579
the fact that you haven't
filed taxes since...
221
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,192
...1996.
222
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:47,499
Christy?
223
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:48,500
Yeah?
224
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:49,458
Represent me.
225
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:55,551
In light of
this new information,
226
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,467
which the state should have
disclosed during discovery...
227
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,077
This isn't a trial.
228
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:01,775
Noted.
229
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:03,603
Nevertheless, I would
like to ask for
230
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:05,387
an extension on
this hearing.
231
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:06,649
It's not a hearing.
232
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,303
Continuance?
233
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:09,260
Nope.
234
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:11,828
Could we please come back later?
235
00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:13,830
Works for me.
236
00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:15,353
Just call for
an appointment.
237
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,880
This is a gift
from God. Run!
238
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,929
How on earth do you
go 20 years without
239
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,496
paying your taxes?
240
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:30,804
Like we say in the program,
one day at a time.
241
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,068
So what happens now?
242
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:36,331
Well, I got them
to give us another week.
243
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:38,115
Which means you've got
a lot of work to do.
244
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,074
No. I am not a lawyer.
245
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,771
I am a junior at a college
246
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:43,991
that's best known
for Web design.
247
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,732
It's time to call Ray.
248
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:46,863
Absolutely not.
249
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,256
Oh, come on.
250
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:51,302
I want to meet your big shot
half-black half-brother.
251
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:52,826
Calm down, he's gay.
252
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:55,742
You sure he's not half gay?
253
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:58,135
He's half everything else.
254
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,137
We're trying to keep
my mom out of jail.
255
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:01,704
You can try and flip him later.
256
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:04,098
I told you
I'm not calling him.
257
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,448
Why are you blaming Ray for
all the crap your mother did?
258
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,668
I have to blame someone.
Careful, you're on deck.
259
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:12,106
Bonnie, you worked
so hard to let go
260
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,716
of your resentment
towards your mother.
261
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,762
Can't you do the same
for your brother?
262
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,154
Well, that's a little hard,
Marjorie,
263
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:19,896
since I have no idea
why I resent him.
264
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,245
Well, you better figure it out,
265
00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:22,986
'cause we're meeting him
tomorrow at 2:00.
266
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,901
You already called him?
267
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:25,859
I sure did.
268
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:27,730
Wow.
269
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:31,386
I don't ask much of you,
only what I give in return--
270
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:34,302
honesty, respect,
and most importantly, trust.
271
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:38,132
[laughter]
272
00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:40,221
What?
273
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:42,702
I do all those things!
274
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,965
I just don't brag about it.
275
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,575
[laughter continues]
276
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:47,750
I'm humble.
277
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,273
[laughter continues]
278
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,232
All right, screw all of you!
279
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:57,760
You believe this view?
280
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,762
I get why rich people
look down on us.
281
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:00,894
It's 'cause they really do.
282
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,898
This is all pretentious crap.
283
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:06,160
Oh, look,
284
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:08,031
I can keep brandy
in a crystal decanter
285
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,947
and drink moderately.
286
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,036
[sighs]
287
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,778
Someday I want to
sit in an office like this,
288
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:18,346
wearing a Chanel suit
and a Prada bag,
289
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,304
all the while helping the poor.
290
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,871
If you plan on
helping the poor,
291
00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:23,525
that bag's gonna be
a knock-off.
292
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:25,353
Hi, Ray.
293
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:28,399
Christy, good to see you.
294
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:29,487
Hi, Bonnie.
295
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:34,231
So, little trouble
with the IRS, huh?
296
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,798
Yes, I screwed up,
297
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,018
but they didn't cover
tax law in the orphanage.
298
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,020
You were never in an orphanage.
299
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:42,805
It's poetic license.
300
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,676
You know what,
maybe we should talk about
301
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,069
the elephant in the room first.
302
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:47,810
The elephant being
I was abandoned by our mother
303
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:48,985
and you were kept?
304
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,422
Bonnie, I get it.
You got a raw deal.
305
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,468
But you do understand
I didn't know you existed
306
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:54,512
until three months ago?
307
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,688
I know that. It's just...
308
00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:59,082
I mean, look what you've done
with your life,
309
00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:00,736
and look at mine.
310
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,130
I mean, who is this,
your boyfriend?
311
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,696
What is he, a model?
312
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,786
He's my husband. And yes.
313
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,006
Oh, come on.
314
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:13,009
Look, I'm sorry this has
been so painful for you.
315
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:16,273
But maybe there's a silver
lining in your tax problems.
316
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,623
We can use this
to get to know each other,
317
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,234
be brother and sister.
318
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:23,019
How can you not
like this guy?
319
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:26,327
I find ways not to like you,
and you're adorable.
320
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,941
Bonnie, let me help you.
321
00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:34,988
No strings attached.
322
00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,035
All right, but you owe me one.
323
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:40,689
Wait, why would I...
324
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:41,951
Never mind.
325
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,999
So clear this up for me.
326
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,697
What kind of a person doesn't
pay taxes for 20 years?
327
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:51,265
Well, I like to think of myself
as a folk hero.
328
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,835
So the money you didn't
pay the government
329
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,401
you gave to the poor?
330
00:13:57,445 --> 00:14:00,752
Well, speaking as
a poor person, yes.
331
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,495
All right, I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.
332
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:05,975
We'll go to the IRS next week
333
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,890
and try to cut
some kind of a deal.
334
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:10,066
See what happens when
you have a real lawyer?
335
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,938
Oh, don't be so humble.
336
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:13,678
I'm gonna be using your notes.
337
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:14,636
Really?
338
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,290
You did some nice work in here.
339
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:17,813
In fact,
340
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,120
when I go back to the IRS,
why don't you come with me?
341
00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:22,035
You don't have to do that.
342
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:24,515
I'm not doing you a favor.
You'd be a big help.
343
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:27,518
That's great.
I'd love to join you guys.
344
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:28,998
Oh, she's not going.
345
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,089
I'm not?
346
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,961
Oh, God, no.
347
00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:37,354
That's really
the only mistake you made.
348
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,925
[sportscast playing over TV]
349
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,709
Seriously? You're just
gonna watch hockey
350
00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:46,363
while my life
hangs in the balance?
351
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,931
Kind of hard for me
to pace, Bon.
352
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:52,935
I just want you to know
if I go to jail,
353
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,110
you need to find someone else.
354
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:55,764
I don't want you to wait for me.
355
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:56,547
Okay.
356
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:00,334
Come on. You're not even
gonna lie to me?
357
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:02,771
It's a playoff game, Bon.
I'm not really listening.
358
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:07,515
[phone chimes]Ooh, this could be Christy.
359
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,386
[sighs] Damn it, Jill.
360
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:12,563
No, I am not introducing you
to my half-gay brother.
361
00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,133
I can't believe we won!
362
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,656
Well, technically,
we didn't win.
363
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,267
We settled.
364
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:23,052
In my family,
settling is winning.
365
00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:24,880
I'm gonna call my mom
and let her know.
366
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,099
Whoa, hold on.
367
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,883
Lesson number one:
never tell the client
368
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,146
it took 15 minutes
to do a day's work.
369
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:33,062
They're called "billable
hours" for a reason.
370
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:36,065
So we're just supposed to
let her sit at home and sweat?
371
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,980
Think about it.
372
00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:42,942
Oh, man, I can't wait
to be a lawyer.
373
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,291
And you're gonna be a good one.
374
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:45,988
As a matter of fact,
375
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,208
if you don't get snatched
up by a better firm,
376
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,992
maybe you could
come intern for me.
377
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:52,342
I would love that.
378
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,344
Consider it done.
379
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:57,826
Don't most firms have
a policy about nepotism?
380
00:15:57,869 --> 00:16:00,960
Christy...
381
00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:03,136
look at us.
382
00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:06,095
You're right, I think we're
gonna get away with it. [laughs]
383
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:13,059
And to all of you,
for never giving up on me,
384
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:15,800
from the bottom of my heart,
thank you.
385
00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:16,845
Adam,
386
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:17,889
my love.
387
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,108
My daughter, Christy.
388
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,024
My dear friends.
389
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,766
I couldn't have done it
without your support.
390
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:27,290
Does she think she won an award?
391
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,468
And thanks to
my long-lost brother Ray,
392
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:34,123
the IRS is giving me ten years
to pay off my debt.
393
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,213
What a bunch of suckers.
394
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:42,001
Anyway, I'm glad
we're finally getting a chance
395
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,306
to know each other.
396
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,178
Yes, we are.
397
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,226
Uh...
398
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:51,749
Thank you, Bonnie.
399
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:56,058
I can't help thinking
that you and Christy
400
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,234
coming into my life...
401
00:16:58,278 --> 00:16:59,888
maybe it wasn't a coincidence.
402
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,761
Maybe there's a reason for it.
403
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:09,202
Boy, this is hard to say,
404
00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:12,161
but I guess you're probably
the best people to say it to.
405
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,949
I've gotten to a point where...
406
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:20,082
I'm snorting coke every day.
407
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:27,176
Welcome to the family!
We're here!Come here, little brother.
408
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,309
Yay![excited chatter continues]
409
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,667
What are you
still doing up?
410
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:42,931
Believe it or not,
reading more about tax law.
411
00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:45,934
Why? I got away with it.
412
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,892
Well, I'm still interested.
413
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,720
Did you know the French
put a tax on salt,
414
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,157
and that's what led
to the French Revolution?
415
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:55,074
Wow, you really have given
up on men, haven't you?
416
00:17:57,902 --> 00:17:59,208
Can I tell you something?
417
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,818
Sure.
418
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:04,605
I am so impressed
with what you did.
419
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,433
Ray did most of it.
420
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:07,825
That's not true.
421
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:10,001
And that's not
what I'm talking about.
422
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:11,829
You've been sober
for four years now,
423
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,266
you're almost done with college,
424
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:15,398
on your way
to becoming a lawyer.
425
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,053
I am so proud of you.
426
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,752
Wow, Mom, that means a lot.
427
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:26,105
Hey, I probably don't
say this enough,
428
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:29,195
but you are an amazing person,
and I love you.
429
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:34,809
You have another
legal problem, don't you?
430
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,854
I might have slapped
a meter maid,
431
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:40,336
but that doesn't take away
from anything I said.
432
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,295
It does a little, but thanks.
30676
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