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1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:04,700
[sighs, then hums]
2
00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:06,745
Good morning.Bite me.
3
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,445
What's your problem?
4
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,142
Okay, here's the thing.
5
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:13,752
I am so happy you found love,
6
00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,798
and I'm glad
Adam feels comfortable enough
7
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,452
to spend the night here.
8
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,063
But you got to know, I can hear
every thing you do
9
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:22,152
all freakin' night long.
10
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,502
Everything?
11
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:27,897
Yes, you ass-slapping fool,
everything.
12
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:30,247
I'm so sorry.
13
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,902
Just keep in mind that
our apartment has thin walls
14
00:00:32,945 --> 00:00:35,905
and your daughter's insurance
doesn't cover therapy.
15
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:39,430
Did you try the noise-canceling
headphones I got you?
16
00:00:39,474 --> 00:00:41,084
Oh, yeah, right away.
17
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:43,956
And they're great for airplanes
and garbage trucks,
18
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,046
but no match
for my mother announcing
19
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:49,701
that she's been a bad girl
and needs to take her medicine.
20
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:54,402
To be fair,
I was pretty naughty.
21
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:56,795
ADAM: Just so you know,
I'm waiting for you guys
22
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:59,233
to wrap this up
so I can get some coffee.
23
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,278
Oh, God, get in here.
24
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,454
Sorry you had to
hear all that.
25
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,456
Right back at you.
26
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,763
No, no, no, no, this is good.
27
00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:10,157
We're all adults, we can have a
conversation about physical love
28
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,463
and the noises that...
29
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:14,770
ensue.
30
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,685
How about we just say
we'll be quiet and move on?
31
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,991
Thank you.Changing the subject.
32
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,559
Please.You got plans this weekend?
33
00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:24,867
Just library sex, why?
34
00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:27,652
My friend Mitch and his wife
are coming up to Napa.
35
00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:30,699
I was thinking it's about time
my best buddy met my best girl.
36
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:33,136
That sounds great, set it up.
37
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,224
All right.
38
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:35,225
Is this the Mitch who directed
39
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:36,618
the movie you worked on?
40
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,010
Yeah, but we go way back.
41
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,751
He's the closest
thing I have to a brother.
42
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:41,753
Well, that's saying something
'cause you have a brother.
43
00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:43,755
I'm gonna call him.
44
00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:45,017
You're gonna love him.
45
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,150
Mmm.
46
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,065
Ooh.
47
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,720
Meeting the best friend,
that's serious.
48
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,417
I know.
I'm a little nervous.
49
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,463
You should be; if the best
friend doesn't like you,
50
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:56,942
you're back to slapping
your own ass.
51
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,859
♪
52
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:16,832
I'd lend you
my crystal stemware,
53
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,094
but I'm afraid in your apartment
54
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,617
it would just look stolen.
55
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,881
Besides fondue,
56
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,970
what are you planning
on serving these people?
57
00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:26,363
I don't know. Christy?
58
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:27,843
Depends on what
they're throwing away
59
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:30,324
at the restaurant.
60
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,108
You don't seem
really prepared for this.
61
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,631
I'm not;
I've never had a boyfriend
62
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,416
who wanted
to introduce me to anybody.
63
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:37,809
Not even during a three-way.
64
00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,725
I had a boyfriend introduce me
to his best friend,
65
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,205
then he married him.
66
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,166
Do you need a bread maker?
I've got three.
67
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,776
I wasn't gonna make bread.
68
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:49,256
Do they expect me
to make bread?
69
00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:50,953
What are you gonna dip
in the fondue?
70
00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:52,302
I was just gonna buy bread.
71
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:55,000
Bonnie,
these are Hollywood people.
72
00:02:55,044 --> 00:02:57,742
They are not gonna eat bread
out of a bag.
73
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:01,833
You know what,
this is too much pressure.
74
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,400
I'm just gonna break up
with Adam.
75
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:06,534
Relax, I'm sure you can pretend
to be a good person
76
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,144
long enough for them
to like you.
77
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,321
And if it goes well
with the friends,
78
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:13,280
he'll probably want to
introduce you to his parents.
79
00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:14,585
That'll be fun.
80
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,196
"Mom, Dad,
81
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,849
"I'd like you to meet
my girlfriend, Bonnie.
82
00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,373
"She's sober
a year and a half,
83
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:21,723
but you still might
want to hide the Nyquil."
84
00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:25,466
I look forward to
when you fall in love.
85
00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:29,165
My plan is to wait
till you're dead.
86
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,123
♪
87
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:39,697
Whoa, look at that.
88
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,961
Baby, this is awesome.Thank you.
89
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,355
Jill said presentation
is all about levels.
90
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,009
Oh.
91
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,533
And check this out, a crystal
bowl for the olive pits,
92
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:51,927
so you don't have
to spit 'em in your hand.
93
00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:54,016
What's that thing in the middle?
94
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:57,106
Fondue, or as you might know it,
95
00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:59,021
hot cheese.
96
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:01,893
Hey, look,
it's Martha Stewart.
97
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,547
We have both been in jail.
98
00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:05,027
[laughs]
99
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,637
Oh, God,
please don't tell them that.
100
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,291
Unless they'd think it's cool.
101
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:09,597
Oh, don't worry about it,
102
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,947
Mitch and Leanne
are just regular people.
103
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,341
So what are your plans?Well, we're gonna hit
a couple of wineries,
104
00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:16,081
and then we're going out
for dinner.
105
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,475
Wine tasting-- that
ought to be fun for you.
106
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,869
I have games on my phone.
107
00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:23,132
[doorbell rings]That's them.
108
00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:25,395
Oh, I almost forgot,
curtsy when you meet Leanne,
109
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:27,441
she's British royalty.What?
110
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:30,792
I'm screwing with you; she's
a makeup girl from Buffalo.
111
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,315
Not funny.
112
00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,709
You should've
made her curtsy.[laughs]
113
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,580
Hi, welcome.
Bonnie.
114
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,060
I'm Mitch, this is Leanne.
115
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,496
Thank you so much
for having us.
116
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,542
My pleasure.
Please come in.
117
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:44,066
Yo, Professor Nutsack!
118
00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:46,329
Stinky Dickweed!
119
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:49,985
How are you, my man?[laughs]
120
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:52,944
Aren't you glad
you made bread?ADAM: Hey.
121
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:55,164
Leanne, Mitch,
this is my daughter Christy.
122
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,557
Hi, Christy.
Hey.
123
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,646
Nice to meet you both.
I'm sorry I have to go,
124
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,430
I have a class
and then work.
125
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:03,390
What do you do?I'm a waitress
at the Rustic Fig.
126
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,695
Oh, we heard
about that place.
127
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,349
We wanted to eat there.
128
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,307
You're about to.
129
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,092
Time to go.
130
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,572
Bye.
Bye.
131
00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,791
Oh, she seems sweet.
132
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:16,490
Eh.
Please, everybody sit down.
133
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,883
Okay-- oh, we-we brought you
a little gift.
134
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,276
Thank you.
135
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,799
Adam said
you don't drink anymore,
136
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,584
but it's good
when you have company.
137
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:28,589
Like now.
138
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,460
Oh, yeah.Yeah, I mean, you don't have to.
139
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:32,549
No, I'll open it.No, no, yeah, just
go ahead and do it.
140
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,072
Well, just-just
one glass, though.
141
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:35,813
We're still going
wine tasting, right?
142
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,685
No, I drove all the way
to Napa Valley
143
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:38,990
to hang out
with Stinky Dickweed.
144
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:40,252
[both chuckle]
145
00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,037
I look forward to hearing
146
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,865
where that nickname came from.
147
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,345
That's a funny story,
actually.
148
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:47,651
We were shooting
on location in Malaysia,
149
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,306
and your brilliant boyfriend
thought it'd be a good idea
150
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,526
to hide his pot
in his underwear.
151
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:53,918
Yeah, and when we smoked it,
152
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:57,139
it smelled suspiciously
like my balls.
153
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,706
[Leanne laughs, Mitch spits]
154
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,753
♪
155
00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:04,189
Everything's fine, Marjorie,
156
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:07,279
I was just too tired
to make the meeting.
157
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:10,326
Yeah, I need
a good night's sleep.
158
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,373
Thanks, talk to you tomorrow.
159
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:15,157
[crash]LEANNE:
Get him, Mitch, get him!
160
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,464
Who's your daddy, Ironside?
161
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,466
Come on,
stop holding back!
162
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:20,815
MITCH: I'm trying to
make it a fair fight.
163
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:23,121
Hey, Leanne, hold my feet.
164
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,993
I got you, baby.
Okay.
165
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,299
All right,
here comes the pain!
166
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,258
[grunts]Aah! Let go of my junk!
167
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:30,477
Whoo!
168
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,087
Spoiler alert,
169
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:35,307
that's why we call Mitch
"Professor Nutsack."
170
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,877
♪
171
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,531
[indistinct conversation nearby]So no wineries?
172
00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:44,665
We never left the apartment.
173
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,449
They just stayed here and drank.
174
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,320
Where'd all the booze come from?
175
00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:50,932
The trunk of their car.
176
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,499
They brought it from L.A.
177
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,544
in case there wasn't
enough wine in Napa Valley.
178
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:59,375
MITCH:
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
179
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,943
And there might not be.
180
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:05,642
ADAM: I'm so drunk,
I can't feel my legs.
181
00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:08,558
Oh, wait.
182
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,560
[slurring]:
Hey, hen party in the kitchen!
183
00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:12,606
Old school!
184
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:16,174
[spits]
185
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:19,090
Look, it's the
Ghost of Christmas Past.
186
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:23,399
Hey, um, Christy, can I--
can I tell you something
187
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,227
that I've been thinking about
all night?
188
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:28,230
You should go home
and I should go to bed?
189
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:34,062
I could make you so pretty.
190
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,934
I'm sorry?
191
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,154
Didn't Adam tell you?
192
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:41,199
I'm a professional
makeup artist.
193
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:44,246
It's my job to make people
like you pretty.
194
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:48,337
I'm a professional
makeup artist!
195
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,470
Mommy, help me.
196
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:53,037
I'd kind of like to see
what she can do.
197
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:56,084
♪
198
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:58,521
Thanks for easing up
on the drinking.
199
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,131
That was a good call, babe.
200
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:03,657
[holding breath]:
All things in moderation.
201
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,094
They both really like you.
202
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:09,140
Oh, goodie.
203
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:11,447
[slurred, singsongy]:
Ta-da.
204
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,408
Oh, my God, I'm gorgeous.Mm-hmm.
205
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:19,150
You-You look like
you're in your 30s again.
206
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,891
I am in my 30s.
207
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,153
So am I.
208
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:23,415
Wink, wink.
209
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:29,030
Hey.
Whoa, you look amazing.
210
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,119
Thank you.
Thank you.
211
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:33,643
Leanne, I was told
to bring you this.
212
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:36,472
Gracias. Now, if you'll excuse me,
213
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,387
I have to go
to the bathroom.
214
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:42,173
The hot cheese
is making its move.
215
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:45,612
You really are good
at what you do.
216
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,266
[exhales]
My secret is,
217
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,878
keep applying makeup until it's
something you want to sit on.
218
00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,140
[laughs]
219
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:55,012
You're kidding, right?
220
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,232
Mm, of course, I'm kidding.
221
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:59,974
Wink, wink.
222
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,412
You know, I admire you.
223
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,719
Thank you.
224
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:09,157
Your opinion used to
mean a great deal to me.
225
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,465
Seriously, like, staying sober
when you got nothing going on,
226
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:15,772
and it kind of makes you
a little boring,
227
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,295
that's impressive.
228
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:19,689
Again, thank you.
229
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:22,605
[Scottish accent]:
Good on ya, Bonnie lass!
230
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:26,000
Where'd you just go?
231
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:27,697
You know, I got sober once.
232
00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:30,308
Really?
Yep, I went to
a couple of meetings,
233
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:32,484
I heard the spiel,
I bought a book,
234
00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:35,052
and then one night I'm looking
around the room
235
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:39,883
and I said to myself, "Mitch,
these aren't your people,
236
00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:42,103
"these people are quitters.
237
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:44,018
"You're not a quitter,
238
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,802
"you're the opposite
of that,
239
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,457
you're a successful
film director."
240
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:50,938
Move it.
241
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,461
Mm.
Not that way.
242
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:54,637
[coughs]
Oh, I'm sorry.
243
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,073
Bad! Bad hand!
244
00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:57,771
We-We-We talked about that.
245
00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:59,337
Thank God I brought
my good hand.
246
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:00,600
[chuckles]
247
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,818
Okay.
248
00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:03,472
You're Adam's friend,
249
00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:05,953
and you're really drunk right
now, so I'm gonna be a sport
250
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:07,432
and give both your hands a pass.
251
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:08,695
But if it ever happens again,
252
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,087
I will hit you so hard,
253
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:12,046
you'll be crapping teeth
for a week.
254
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:18,661
God help me, it
might be worth it.
255
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:25,102
And three double cheeseburgers.
256
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:26,234
With cheese.
257
00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:28,410
Two large fries...
258
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,195
With cheese
and a chicken sandwich.
259
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,457
...and a chicken sandwich.
260
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,458
And a burrito.
261
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:34,503
They don't have burritos.
262
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:35,635
Why don't they have burritos?
263
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,854
Why don't you have burritos?!
264
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,334
I think that's it.
265
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:41,641
Oh! Oh, and a crunchy
candy cookie cup.
266
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:42,859
I-I think we've got enough.
267
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:46,428
Cookie cup, cookie cup,
cookie cup!
268
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,560
CLERK:
So... three cookie cups?
269
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:51,172
Sure.
Yes.
270
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:52,434
It'll be $52.75.
271
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,392
Please drive forward.
272
00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:56,786
So... whoa...
[laughs]
273
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,570
[clears throat]
So...
274
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,703
you and... you and Adam
are cute together.
275
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,270
Thank you.
276
00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:03,750
Is he still good in bed?
277
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,057
I'm sorry, what?
278
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,712
He was incredible
back when he had legs.
279
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,061
Oh, I'm... Oh, I'm sorry.
280
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:12,715
I don't want...
I didn't mean that.
281
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:15,849
I mean, of course he still
has legs, but, you know...
282
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,808
You slept with Adam?
283
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,552
Dear Lord,
will this night ever end?
284
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,467
Answer me.
Calm down.
285
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,774
It was a long time ago
before I met Mitch,
286
00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:33,475
and we only did it, like,
t... t... 20 times.
287
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:35,738
Really thought
you were gonna say two.
288
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,522
So, you were a couple?
289
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:38,959
No, oh, no!
290
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,875
No, no, it was just that
kind of raw kind of sex.
291
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,485
You know, the kind
you think about
292
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:46,444
when you're on the toilet
having a cigarette.
293
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:49,317
Hey, guys, this is important.
Guys, this is important, listen.
294
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,713
Mitch doesn't know, so we just
have to keep it between us.
295
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:57,499
You know... sisterhood
of the traveling penis.
296
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,414
[laughs]
297
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,549
I don't know what you're
always whining about.
298
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,900
This thing is awesome.
299
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,250
Food's here.
300
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:10,338
Oh, finally.
301
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:11,774
Hey, baby, did you know
302
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,123
that the liquor store
down on the corner,
303
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,429
that it delivers?
304
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:16,126
Just eat your burger, Dickweed.
305
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,086
Huddle.
306
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:20,174
Ugh, I don't want
to huddle.
307
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,610
Just let me go to sleep.
308
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,046
What? You think you're
too pretty to huddle now?
309
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,352
Get in there.
310
00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:27,137
I am pretty, aren't I?
311
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,705
Why didn't you
get me any vodka?
312
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,186
Why didn't you get me
a 24-year-old Asian girl
313
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:34,014
with big boobs?
314
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:35,929
Hey, words hurt.
315
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,931
Just kidding.
316
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,976
Ah, I love you.
317
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,022
And you have perfect boobs.
318
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,980
You, too.
319
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,464
That right there.
320
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:51,379
That's how you make
a marriage work.
321
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,687
Thanks, buddy.
322
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,604
Where are we?
323
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:05,262
I'm sorry, I just can't
wrap my head around it.
324
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:06,481
20 times?
325
00:13:06,524 --> 00:13:07,874
She's probably exaggerating.
326
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,179
When it comes to sex,
327
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:10,833
women round down,
Christy, not up.
328
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,226
We do?You don't?
329
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,054
I didn't, but I will now.
330
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:16,883
I'm not sure how to handle it.
331
00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:18,841
There's nothing to handle.
It's in the past.
332
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,234
No, it's in my living room,
333
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:22,018
and more important,
he didn't tell me.
334
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:24,194
So, what, you're
gonna confront him?
335
00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:25,761
I thought the whole idea
of this evening
336
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,197
was to make his friends
like you.
337
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:29,634
That's when I was putting
deviled eggs on levels.
338
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,636
I should've just
put out a dog bowl.
339
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:37,642
Okay, Adam, it's time
you and I have a talk.
340
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:41,081
Oh, lovely.
341
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,564
Under the head,
under the head.
342
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,917
Where's Lord and
Lady Nutsack?
343
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,877
Probably playing kickball
with their livers.
344
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,792
MITCH: Come on, baby,
let's make a dirty movie.
345
00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:00,361
LEANNE: Okay, okay, turn around
and try to relax.
346
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,584
Thin walls. I get it now.
347
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,848
We're gonna have
to burn that bed.
348
00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,719
[thump]
349
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,068
What just happened?
350
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:13,678
I don't know.
That sounded bad.
351
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:16,768
I guess we should go see
if they're okay.
352
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:20,860
Or we just leave and rebuild
our lives elsewhere.
353
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,256
[knocking at door]
354
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,215
Hello?
355
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:37,180
Well, this is just sad.
356
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:42,490
Remember being too
drunk to have sex?
[sighs]
357
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:45,797
It's the main reason
you're an only child.
358
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:47,016
So, what do we do?
359
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,278
[sighs]
360
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:51,151
Roll them on their sides
and be grateful
361
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,674
we don't live
like this anymore.
362
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,024
So very grateful.
363
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,983
[slow farting]
364
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:03,859
Oh, God,
was that him or her?
365
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:07,515
Does it really matter?
366
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,473
♪
367
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,651
Shh...
368
00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,747
[clears throat]
369
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,739
Mom?
370
00:15:57,782 --> 00:16:00,002
[high-pitched]: Yes?
371
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,830
[shouts]
372
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:04,006
What?
What the hell?!
373
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,008
Ah, I was... I was looking
for the bathroom.
374
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,227
Well, I'm not it!
375
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,446
Well, okay, no harm, no foul.
376
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:12,362
¿Dónde está el baño?
377
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:15,017
What is going on?
378
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,062
Mitch, where'd you go?
379
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:17,715
Into my bed!
380
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:19,804
You miserable bastard.
381
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:22,111
[grunts]
382
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:24,200
Come on,
it was an honest mistake.
383
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:25,767
When you grabbed my
ass in the kitchen,
384
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,029
was that an
honest mistake?
385
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,422
Well, a person can make
386
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,641
more than one honest mistake.
387
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:31,903
You grabbed her ass?
388
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:32,948
With both hands.
389
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:33,949
Damn it, Mitch.
390
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,820
[shouts]
391
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:37,170
Come on.
392
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,041
Why is everybody yelling?
393
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,870
Your best friend just tried
to get in bed with my daughter.
394
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:44,046
What? No, no,
that can't be right.
395
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,222
It may have been 18 months
and 11 days,
396
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,224
but I know when a man
is in bed with me.
397
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,401
This is all your fault.
398
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:52,402
My fault?!
399
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:53,447
You invited these
400
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:54,883
zoo animals into my home,
401
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,232
and you never told me
402
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,147
you slept with this monkey.
403
00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,062
Approximately 20 times.
404
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:00,932
What?
405
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:02,804
Monkey?
406
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:05,154
You-You didn't think that was
something you should tell me?
407
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:06,155
I-I... it's...
408
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:07,896
You porked my wife?!
409
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:09,637
I wouldn't use that word.
410
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,161
I would.
411
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:14,729
But that was before
we got together.
412
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:20,126
We're married now, and you're
playing hump the hostesses-es?
413
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,388
ADAM:
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
414
00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:22,519
Wait a minute, you...
415
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,652
you hit on Bonnie?
416
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:27,568
It was nothing.
Yeah, it was just joking around.
417
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:30,005
It was, it was, you know,
my bad hand bit.
418
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,528
She didn't get it.
419
00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:33,704
You did bad hand on my woman?
420
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,402
And good hand.
421
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:38,231
Good hand's new.
[laughs]
422
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,971
What the hell
is wrong with you?!
423
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,669
Uh, all right!
424
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,366
All right!
425
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:44,933
All right, all right!
426
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:48,284
This is it!
This is it!
427
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,986
I have a drinking problem.
428
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:57,424
What?
429
00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:59,643
I do. I need help.
430
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,429
Ah, son of a bitch,
now we have to be nice to him.
431
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,039
No, no, no,
don't fall for it.
432
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,520
He catches alcoholism
every time I find him
433
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:08,435
facedown in an actress.
434
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:10,567
See, this... this is half
the reason I drink.
435
00:18:10,611 --> 00:18:12,482
She shames me.LEANNE: Okay.
436
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:16,269
Okay. Okay,
yeah, yeah.
You're one of
my demons, Leanne!
437
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,445
All right, everybody,
just take it easy.
438
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,925
Bonnie, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry
439
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,536
that I didn't tell
you about Leanne.
440
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:26,453
Just no excuse, no defense,
just wrong, and, Mitch,
441
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:28,716
even though it happened before
the two of you got together,
442
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:30,109
I guess I owe you
something, too.
443
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,155
Come here, brother.
444
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:34,635
Oh, thanks.
445
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,985
Man, you know
I-I was just kidding...
446
00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:39,335
[shouts]
447
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,991
Oh! Bad hand!
448
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:45,515
It's not cool, Dickweed!
449
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:50,129
Is there any vodka left?
450
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:06,362
Hi, I'm Mitch and...
I'm an alcoholic.
451
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,234
ALL:
Hi, Mitch.
452
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:12,107
I hurt a lot of people
I love this weekend,
453
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,154
whether it was hitting on
my best friend's girl...
454
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,635
...or her daughter...
455
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:23,597
...or urinating
in their laundry hamper.
456
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:31,779
This damn disease. Am I right?
457
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,174
Anyway, I-I-I just want to say
458
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:38,916
that I'm-I'm really grateful
to this program
459
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:44,618
for helping my wife see
that it's not my fault.
460
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:51,799
Namaste.
461
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:56,238
You think he can stay
sober this time?
462
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,370
I don't know.
463
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:58,893
We go to New Orleans
right from here.
464
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:00,764
We'll see what happens.
465
00:20:00,808 --> 00:20:02,940
WOMAN: Would anyone
else like to share?
466
00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:05,856
So... did they like you?
32258
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