All language subtitles for Mom.S03E11.Cinderella.And.A.Drunk.MacGyver.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[und]

Hi, I'’m Jill.
I'’m an alcoholic.

ALL:
Hi, Jill.

Well, as you probably know,

the annual Hurray for the
Homeless Gala is this weekend.

"Hurray"?

You want them to boo?

But what you might not know
is that for a long time,

this charity event was
the highlight of my year.

I'’d fly to New York,
pick out a gown,

have a team of stylists come
to my house to get me ready.

You know, all the things you do
to help the less fortunate.

Oh, dear God.

But ever since the divorce

and all the vicious gossip
about me going to rehab,

I'’d be ashamed to show my face,

even though it was always
the prettiest face there.

She makes it
so hard to love her.

So instead of walking
the red carpet,

hobnobbing with celebrities,

and thrilling to a surprise
performance by Pink,

I'’ll be spending
the evening alone

in my screening room
watching a movie

that hasn'’t even come out
in the theaters yet.

Eh, screw it.
You should go.

Bonnie, no cross talk.You think?

Yeah, who cares what
those snobs say about you?

We'’re still cross-talking.

Thanks, but, uh,
I couldn'’t go alone.

I'’ll go with you.

Who saw that coming?

You will?Jill, I'’m your friend.

I care about you.Marjorie, make them stop.

Of course, I will need a gown.

I can handle that.We driving or taking a limo?

A limo.
We'’renot homeless.

Okay, enough of the chitchat.

We have to stick to the rules
of the meeting.

I'’m sorry.

Uh, is this the Alcoholics
Anonymous meeting?

It is, but it'’s
a women'’s meeting.

Hang on, Marjorie.

Let'’s not be so rigid.

Yeah, have a seat.

Thank you.

I'’m sorry.
This is my first time.

I don'’t know how this works.

That'’s all right.
What'’s your name?

Julian.

ALL [sweetly]:
Hi, Julian.

Hi.

Now what?

Well, [chuckles]
you can listen,

or, if you like, you can tell
us what brought you here.

I'’m here... '’cause I didn'’t know
where else to go.

I lost my marriage,
my job, my family.

Everything that matters to me.

Can'’t stop drinking.

My life'’s a mess,

and... I have nothing
to offer anyone.

I love him.

♪

WENDY: Remember,
it'’s one day at a time.

And here'’s the
meeting phone list.

I'’m Wendy H.

"H" for hugs.
[laughs]

Thanks, Wendy.

One more. They'’re free.

Come here.

I know it doesn'’t feel
like it right now,

but you can get through this.

Well, I hope so.

Ah, I know so.

I'’m on the list.

Bonnie P.

Thanks, Bonnie.
No, thank you.

You know, for having
the courage to change

and... grow.

Thank you.

Did you get a phone list?

I did.

I'’m not on it.

'’Cause I don'’t like
these people to call me.

Here'’s my card.
Thank you.

So there'’s this charity thing...

You want to help me
with these chairs?

What are you doing?

You already have a date.

So what'’d you think
of your first meeting?

Well, I'’m not sure how all this
is supposed to keep me sober,

but everybody
was super friendly.

One lady gave me
a free gym membership.

Well, just keep going
to a lot of meetings,

find some guys you can talk to,
and you'’ll be fine.

Thank you...Christy.

Thank you, Christy.

Good luck, Julian.

[quietly]:
And I love you.

[speaking indistinctly]

All right, ladies, huddle up.

I can'’t believe I
need to say this,

but you all need
to leave that man alone.

[protesting indistinctly]

Knock it off!

The guy'’s been sober
maybe nine minutes.

The last thing he needs

is a bunch of horny girls
falling all over him.

Yeah, Wendy Two-hugs.

I mean it.

I want everyone to promise
to stay away from him.

Say it.

ALL [mumbling]:
I promise.

And now that
the meeting is over,

I just want to say that
that is the hottest man

I ever saw
in my life!

I mean, seriously...

[chattering indistinctly]

♪♪

[knocking on door]

It'’s open.

Hey.

Hey.

I'’m sorry,
is your laptop

wearing a $6,000
Dolce gown?

Oh, my God.

That'’s what I was looking for.

Now, where'’s my date?

Coming.

Holy geez.

You like?

It cost more than my car.

How come I don'’t get
to go to the ball?

'’Cause you have to stay home and
clean the fireplace, Cinderella.

I hate you, Evil Stepmother.

You wish I was your stepmother.

You ready? The limo'’s waiting.

Let'’s go help
the homeless.

Night.

Have fun.

Does she live
in those sweats?

Three days and counting.

Well, this sucks.

[cell phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Julian.

What'’s up?

You doing okay?

Yeah, it'’s hard
in the beginning.

That'’s why we do it
one day at a time.

Um, coffee?

Wow, uh, I'’m actually
pretty busy right now.

No, don'’t call
anyone else on the list.

I'’ll be there in ten...

45 minutes.

Cinderella, my ass.

♪

Cheers.

Cheers.

Ah.
Ah.

Not quiet the same with
diet ginger ale, is it?

No.

Then again,
if I drank ginger ale

the last time I went
to this event,

I might not have set
the drapes on fire

and tried to put it out
with the chocolate fountain.

Now that sounds like
my kind of party.

[chuckles]

Yeah, you can see it.

It'’s on YouTube.

Along with every
bitchy comment about me.

This is a bad idea.

Relax. Everybody there
will be too concerned

with how theylook
to care about you.

They are a pretty
self-absorbed bunch.

It'’s why you belong there.

You get me.

Trust me, all your snooty
society buddies

will be so happy to see
the new improved you.

I have lost five pounds.

I meant that you'’re sober.

Oh yeah,
that'’s good too.

Just stay in the moment
and have fun tonight.

Thank you, Bonnie.

You'’re a good friend.

You'’re welcome.

[sighs]

Look at all those
sad homeless people.

Hang in there!

We'’re going
to a gala for you!

♪

Sorry, I-I hope I didn'’t
keep you waiting.

Not at all. Thanks for coming.

Hey, it'’s what we do.

So... so what'’s going on?

Just having a rough night.

I was trying to watch TV,

Yeah, those little airplane
bottles are the worst.

"Drink me. Drink me.

I'’m too small to hurt you."

It'’s not just the booze.

My head won'’t shut up.

It'’s like every stupid thing
I'’ve ever done

is running on a loop
over and over again.

I know that loop.

Here'’s what you need
to remember.

Your mind is out to get you.

It wants you to drink again.

But you did the exact
right thing.

Instead of listening to it,
you called someone.

I'’m glad I did.

Me too.

But just out of curiosity,
why'’d you call me?

You were the only woman
at that meeting

who didn'’t give me
a full-frontal hug.

I did see a couple of the ladies
grinding on you.

The tall brunette practically
gave me a lap dance.

Yeah, she'’s weird.

We'’re trying to get rid of her.

So how long you been sober?

Two and a half years.

Wow.

Is it hard?

Staying sober? No.

Living? That'’s a bitch.

I think I called
the right person.

Hey, you want a coffee?

Decaf.

Uh, excuse me, miss?

Can we get a decaf over here?

♪

[piano playing softly]JILL: Oh, boy.

Just breathe.
I'’m breathing.

I promise you, no one here
remembers what you did.

God, I hope not.

Don'’t worry, I'’ll be
right by your side.

[piano stops playing]

So when did you
start drinking?

High school.

Ooh, a late bloomer.

[chuckling]:
I guess so.

Yeah, me and my friends would
get drunk on the weekend.

No big deal.

Then college,
everybody'’s hammered,

'’cause, well, it'’s college.

You know, I still
managed to graduate.

Got a good job.

Married my girlfriend.

Had two great kids.

Everything was perfect.Except...

Except I was drinking vodka
in the shower.

And I was showering
three times a day.

I used to hide it
in shampoo bottles.

What a great idea.

Yeah, I was like
a drunk MacGyver.

Next thing you know, I'’m not
coming home for days on end,

and when I am home,
I'’m doing my best not to drink,

but all that does
is make me angry.

I mean, really angry.

It got so my own kids
were scared of me.

Been there.

When my wife threw me out,
I was relieved.

'’Cause now I can finally drink
the way I wanted to.

So what made you come
to that meeting?

It was my daughter'’s
birthday last week.

She didn'’t want to see me.

[sniffles]

[sobbing]

I-I... I didn'’t do this.

It'’s-it'’s gonna be okay.

♪

All right, I asked
around. It'’s bad.

Everyone remembers, and there'’s
universal outrage you came back.

Oh, God.

On the upside, the
shrimp are delicious

and Maroon 5 is
performing later.

I don'’t care. Let'’s go.

Are you crazy?

You leave now, they win.

And we miss the raffle.

Fiji.

It doesn'’t matter;
I'’ll take you to Fiji.

Okay, first of all, I'’m
gonna hold you to that.

And, secondly, they
may hate the old you,

but they don'’t know
the wonderful new you.

You think I'’m wonderful?

In small doses, absolutely.

Which is why we'’re gonna
need separate rooms in Fiji.

Now, come on,
we'’re gonna mingle,

and you'’re gonna charm the
pants off of everybody.

[quietly]:
I am too embarrassed.

Everyone loves a
comeback story.

You'’ve got a good one.

Now, go ahead.

Hey, Tricia, Luanne.

Long time no see.

Not long enough.

The last time you were here, you
threw yourself at my husband.

Okay.

Well, in my defense, I was
so high on drugs and alcohol

I actually thought
he was attractive.

I really wish
we'’d partied together.

♪

Okay, I'’m just gonna get all
the liquor from the minibar

and then be on my way.

Thank you, I just don'’t trust
myself not to touch it.

Yeah.

Temptation'’s a bitch.

♪ ...feeling, I want
sexual healing... ♪

[quietly]: You'’ve got
to be kidding me.

The minibar'’s
in the cabinet.

Oh, you don'’t have to tell me
how to find a minibar.

[music stops]

Hi, can you send someone up

to remove all the alcohol
from the minibar?

'’Cause I don'’t want it.

No, I can'’t pretend
it'’s not there.

The bottles talk.

Just send somebody up.

So here'’s the deal.

If you feel like you'’re going
to have problems in the night,

if you feel like
you'’re going to drink,

you call me, you call
someone on that list.

Thank you.

You'’re welcome, buddy.

Uh, excuse me,
I'’m just gonna...

Sure.

I'’ll wait for
room service.

Christy.

I don'’t know
how I can ever repay you

for being so kind to me.

Stop it.

Just go pee or shower

or... do whatever
you need to do in there.

Hey, Marjorie.

Hey, Christy. What'’s up?

Remember that guy, Julian?

Remember him?

When I make love
to Victor tonight,

I'’m gonna be picturing him.

Okay.

So the thing is--
I was wondering...

You didn'’t call him, did you?

No, I did not.

Okay, what about him?

Well... you think Steve would be
a good sponsor for him?

No.

Christy, is everything
all right?

Totally.

It'’s all good.

Oh, my bus is here.

[imitates air brakes hissing]

Okay, bye.

[Julian sobbing]

Julian?

You doing okay in there?

JULIAN: No, I'’m kind of
freaking out a little bit.

It'’s okay, it happens.

It'’s just a panic attack.

Nothing to worry about.

They go away after a few years.

JULIAN:
I don'’t think I can do this.

Sure you can.

JULIAN:
You must think I'’m a real loser.

No, no.

I-I think you'’re brave
and strong...

and... I want to say
about six-three, six-four?

JULIAN:
Six-five.

The point is you'’re trying
to get sober,

and-and that makes you a winner.

Oh... God help me.

JULIAN:
What-what was that?

God'’s gonna help you.

♪

So, anyway, seeing as we used
to be such good friends,

I was hoping
we could start over.

Oh, Jill, stop
embarrassing yourself.

You don'’t belong here.

Wow, these people
are cold.

This is like the party
scene in Frozen.

I saw that movie
before it came out.

I'’m the only one here
who likes you.

Don'’t push it.

You had enough,
or you want to try one more?

I got a better idea.

Can I have
your attention?

Hello?!

[clears throat]

I get I made a mistake
two years ago.

I'’m not a perfect person.

But none of you are either.

The only difference between us

is I'’m trying every day
to get a little better.

So you know what?

I'’m done with you.

I'’ve worked hard
to turn my life around,

and I have nothing
to apologize for.

Nothing.

Okay, this I need
to apologize for.

I'’m gonna go get the gift bags.
I'’ll meet you at the limo.

♪

Thank you.

The coast is clear, Julian.

Nothing scary out here
except a $12 bar of chocolate.

I'’m sorry, uh...

I kind of lost it in there.

No worries.

When you first get sober,

crying on the bathroom floor is
kind of a rite of passage.

They should make it
one of the 12 steps.

Thank you for being
so patient with me.

I'’m sure you had better things
to do with your night.

It'’s sweet that you think so.

Well, I-I guess I
should get going.

Do you have to?

Could we maybe just sit and talk
for a little while?

Sure. I guess.

You know, I'’ve been talking
about myself all night.

I, uh... I haven'’t asked
anything about you.

[scoffs]
That'’s okay.

I talk about
myself plenty.

It'’s pretty
much all I do.

You married?

Nope.

You must have a boyfriend.

Not at the moment.

And by "moment" I mean
18 months and 26 days.

That'’s a lot of moments.

Yeah, maybe it'’s my turn to go
cry on your bathroom floor.

You know, you are
a remarkable woman.

Thank you.

You are...

I don'’t even
have the words.

Okay, here'’s
the thing.

You are extremely
vulnerable right now,

and I'’ve been a part of the
program long enough to know

that this is not a good idea.

So... I should go.

And I'’m going to go.

Here I go.

I-I'’m really sorry.

That-that wasn'’t the reason
I called you tonight.

I know, it'’s okay.

You'’re kind of nuts right now.

But a good nuts.

Hot nuts.

Please stop saying "nuts."

So to recap:

go to a lot of meetings,
get a male sponsor--

that is critical in your case--

and if you'’re still sober
in a year from now, call me.

We can try that kiss again.

Deal.

I'’m serious.

One year.

Put it in your phone.

Thank you.

You'’re welcome.

[whispering]:
Okay.

I did the right thing.

But I still love you.

JULIAN:
I can hear you, Christy.

♪♪

Ooh, Louis
Vuitton wallet.

My coupons are gonna
feel so fancy.

That world is closed to me now.

Can never go back.

Yeah, you don'’t need
those people.

They'’re pretentious and shallow.

Ah, yes, finally I can smell
like Serena Williams.

Bonnie, I humiliated
myself tonight.

You did, but here'’s
what you need to focus on:

you did it stone-cold sober,
and that'’s growth.

"Hurray for the Homeless"?

No, hurray for you.

Hey.
Hey.

You look nice.

Where you been?

Back off!

She really needs to get laid.

Oh, cool, Spanx.

Yeah, those are mine.

I took '’em off in the limo.