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1
00:00:02,698 --> 00:00:04,178
Ugh. You know, we could never
2
00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:05,788
serve this where I work.
3
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,572
It'’s over roasted
and totally acidic.
4
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,400
Jodi, it'’s an AA meeting.
5
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:11,794
The only thing this coffee
needs to be is not vodka.
6
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,584
You do know you two aren'’t
fooling anyone, right?
7
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:20,759
What are you talking about?
8
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:21,934
Mom, everyone knows
9
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,414
you and Steve are dating.
10
00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:26,417
No, they don'’t.JODI: Yeah, they do.
11
00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:29,768
See? Why are you even
bothering keeping it a secret?
12
00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:32,249
I don'’t like people gossiping
about my personal life.
13
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,251
You gossip about other people
all the time.
14
00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,906
I don'’t gossip,
I deliver the news.
15
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,432
How come you'’re not
sitting with your boyfriend?
16
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:44,044
He'’s not my boyfriend.
17
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,481
Oh, no. Did you break up?
18
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,484
We were never together.
19
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,181
Told you it wouldn'’t last.
20
00:00:52,704 --> 00:00:54,619
This, right here--
this is gossip.
21
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,056
[mouthing]
22
00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,583
Well, you guys promised me
that if I stayed sober,
23
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,846
all the stuff in my life
would work itself out,
24
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:07,458
and, amazingly enough,
it'’s finally happening.
25
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,678
My law practice
is starting to pick up.
26
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:11,897
Appreciate all the DUI cases
I get around here.
27
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,208
And best of all,
28
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:20,167
I'’m actually starting to date.
29
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,648
Knock it off.
30
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:26,695
I started seeing this woman
who'’s just incredible.
31
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:29,785
She'’s, uh, sexy and smart,
32
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,439
sophisticated,
33
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,093
got a heart of gold...
34
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,095
Uh-oh.
He'’s cheating on you.
35
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,620
♪
36
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:55,724
[TV playing quietly]
37
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:56,725
[turns off TV]
38
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,118
Hey.Hey.
39
00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,858
What are you doing here?Hiding.
40
00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:01,382
From Gregory?
41
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:02,861
His mother.
She'’s staying with us
42
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,036
for a couple of weeks.
43
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,647
Oh. Lucky you.
44
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,039
When did she get into town?
45
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,564
Three hours ago.
46
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:12,001
Aw... poor baby.
47
00:02:12,088 --> 00:02:13,742
You can hide here
as long as you want.
48
00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,526
Thanks.
Where'’s Grandma?
49
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:16,919
She'’s on a date.
50
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,094
Oh, with that lawyer guy?
51
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:19,095
How do you know?
52
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,140
Everybody knows.
53
00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:24,056
Listen, I kind of
need your help.
54
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,232
Anything, of course.
55
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,494
[phone rings]Oh...
56
00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:30,193
Oh, it'’s Jill.
Just give me one second.
57
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,804
Hi, Jill, what'’s up?
58
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,676
Okay, I'’m kind of
in the middle of something
59
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:37,287
with my daughter
right now-- can I...
60
00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:39,246
Did not slow her down at all.
61
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:41,944
Okay, can I call you back later?
62
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:43,250
Great.
Great, thanks.
63
00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:45,513
What do you need?
64
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:49,256
So... Gregory'’s mom would really
like to meet you and Grandma.
65
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:53,129
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
66
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,958
Yeah, I was hoping I could
put it off. No offense.
67
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:59,440
None taken.
I'’d try to hide us, too.
68
00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:02,965
So I was thinking
maybe on Sun...[phone rings]
69
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:05,924
Oh, I'’m sorry,
I gotta take this.
70
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,970
Hey, Jodi, what'’s up?
71
00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:11,147
Girl I'’m sponsoring in AA.
72
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,018
Uh-huh.
73
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,064
Well, he is your boss.
74
00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:16,587
Uh, he'’s allowed to tell you
75
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,894
to not to make
personal phone calls at work.
76
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,941
Is that him
yelling at you right now?
77
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,335
Okay, why don'’t you call me
when you'’re on a break
78
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,816
or you'’ve been fired.
Okay, thanks, bye.
79
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:30,819
Wow, so people actually
call youfor advice?
80
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,864
Well, drunks
and drug addicts call me.
81
00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:35,650
Nobody with good judgment.
82
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:37,434
So, uh,
your future mother-in-law.
83
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:38,827
Yeah.
84
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:39,828
I was thinking we could all
85
00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:40,829
go out for dinner Sunday night,
86
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:41,830
she can meet you, hate you,
87
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,353
we can all be home by 9:00.
88
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,616
First of all,
she is not going to hate us,
89
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,270
we'’ll be on our best behavior.
90
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,967
You'’ll swear we'’re other people.
91
00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:51,318
And secondly,
92
00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:52,971
I think we should do it here.
93
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:54,016
Why?
94
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:55,191
It'’s a family dinner,
95
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:56,627
we should pretend to be one.
96
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:58,194
I guess.
97
00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:00,196
Come on, it couldn'’t be worse
98
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,981
than the first time
I met Baxter'’s mom.
99
00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:05,288
I know, I was just
talking about it in therapy.
100
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:10,032
You were so drunk,
how do you even remember it?
101
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,817
Easy. They send you a copy
of the police report.
102
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,737
Did someone order
a large pizza
103
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,696
with a side of me?
104
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:24,916
This is a nice surprise.
105
00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:27,223
It'’s about to get
a whole lot nicer.
106
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,878
You just need to decide
which do you want first?
107
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:31,662
Keeping in mind
the pizza will get cold
108
00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:34,230
but this will stay hot forever.
109
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,884
Oh, I want you.
110
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,538
That'’s the right answer,
but I'’m starving,
111
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,930
so we'’re gonna start with pizza.
112
00:04:40,454 --> 00:04:43,065
Can I tell you
a secret fantasy I have?
113
00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:44,849
Ooh, if it'’s me,
pizza and another girl,
114
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,024
I get to pick the girl.
115
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,810
Actually, I'’d love for us
116
00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:51,378
to go outto lunch
or dinner sometime,
117
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:52,770
like a regular couple.
118
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:53,902
Then what?
119
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,207
That'’s it.
120
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,254
We'’d have lunch or dinner.
121
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,387
Huh.
122
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,867
That'’s not even
one shade of grey.
123
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,913
You know, Steve, I kind of like
124
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,567
what we got going on here,
let'’s not mess with it.
125
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:08,830
Yeah, I-I like it too,
it'’s just, uh,
126
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,268
sometimes it feels like you
don'’t want to be seen with me.
127
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:14,314
What are you talking about?
That is so not true.
128
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,838
Look, I know we agreed
to keep it discreet,
129
00:05:16,925 --> 00:05:18,927
but at a certain point,
I got to wonder
130
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,842
are-are we boyfriend
and girlfriend
131
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:23,235
or just quickies and takeout?
132
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,282
Well, you say quickies and
takeout like it'’s a bad thing.
133
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,284
I'’m not asking you to marry me,
I'’m just asking for us
134
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:30,591
to go out to dinner sometime.
Maybe...
135
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,114
see a movie,
136
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,377
take a romantic walk
in the park.
137
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,466
[sighs heavily]
138
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,947
Why do I always
have to be the guy?
139
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,777
Hey, just because
I have feelings
140
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,082
doesn'’t mean I'’m not a man.
141
00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:47,042
Eh, it kind of does.
142
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,740
Do yourself a favor-- save
your feelings for your diary.
143
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,742
It'’s not a diary.
144
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,091
It'’s a journal.
145
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:55,920
That is not helping your case.
146
00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:57,574
Yeah, well, my sponsor
told me I needed a way
147
00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:59,402
to safely express my emotions.Wow.
148
00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:03,145
And the mood is killed.
149
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,929
I'’ll call you later.
150
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,366
Okay.
151
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:09,760
Bye...?
152
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:21,119
Well...
153
00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:24,209
opening up my heart to her...
154
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:26,211
was a mistake.
155
00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:31,434
You looking forward to meeting
Violet'’s future mother-in-law?
156
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,393
Actually, I am.
157
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,046
Great thing about
being sober for a while
158
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,048
is I'’ve got more confidence now.
159
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:38,528
Well, you should.
160
00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,574
Yeah.
I don'’t mean to be cocky,
161
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:43,794
but I kind of have a sparkle.
162
00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:45,840
A sparkle?
163
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:48,625
Maybe it'’s a twinkle;
could be a twinkle.
164
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:49,887
So what are you
gonna cook for her?
165
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,062
[phone chimes]
166
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:52,542
Oh. Jill again.
167
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,675
Problems with her ex.
168
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,634
Anyway, I'’m making
a traditional Jewish dinner:
169
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,810
Flanken, kreplach, and kugel.
170
00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:01,159
Oh, my.
171
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:04,032
What is it?
172
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:07,383
The first thing that came up
when I Googled "Jewish dinner."
173
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:08,993
[phone chimes]
174
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:09,994
Jill again?
175
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,169
Jodi.
176
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:12,475
I love her, but, man,
177
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:15,739
ex-meth heads are so chatty.
178
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:18,525
And they are terrible spellers.
179
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,483
Why don'’t you just
turn your phone off?
180
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:21,615
I can'’t do that.
181
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,051
I'’m her sponsor, she needs me.
182
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:25,706
I get it, but you still
need to set boundaries.
183
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,664
Easy to say, hard to do.
184
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,318
Not really.
185
00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:31,494
Call me, I'’ll show you.
186
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,367
Okay.
187
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,893
[phone ringing]
188
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:43,593
So what else is going on?
How'’s work?
189
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,553
Wait, aren'’t you
gonna answer it?
190
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,077
No, '’cause I'’m visiting
with my friend Christy
191
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,906
and I'’m gonna give her
all my attention.
192
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:54,125
But... what if phone Christy
needs you?
193
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,258
What if she'’s in
some kind of crisis?
194
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,826
She'’s always in
some kind of crisis.
195
00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:02,220
Hang on, voice mail.
196
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,745
Hi, Marjorie,
I just want you to know
197
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:08,618
you hurt my feelings
and I'’m borderline suicidal.
198
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,011
See, that'’s an example
199
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:12,056
of the kind of thing
that can wait.
200
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,323
I don'’t know what to do.
201
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,848
Steve is pushing for us
to be a real couple.
202
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:24,068
You know, dinners, movies,
holding hands and stuff.
203
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,810
He'’s a monster, dump him.
204
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,551
You don'’t get it.
205
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:31,075
We start doing all that
and I'’m locked in.
206
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:33,164
Yeah, so?So what if somebody better
207
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:36,254
comes along while I'’m having
a dorky walk in the park?
208
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,996
Mom, from the bottom
of my heart,
209
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,476
I just got to tell you--
210
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,783
your problems are stupid.
211
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,436
[oven timer dings]
212
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,438
That'’s my kugel.
213
00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:50,312
Hey, I listen to your problems.
214
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,183
Last night you jabbered on
for a half hour
215
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,968
on the length of your bangs.
216
00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:57,362
Had to.
Marjorie wasn'’t picking up.
217
00:08:57,449 --> 00:09:00,191
She'’s right, I do
make everything a crisis.
218
00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:03,499
How do you tell the difference
219
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,109
between the kugel
and the flanken?
220
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,590
You put the kreplach
between '’em.Ah.
221
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:10,462
[phone chimes]
222
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,161
Oh, Steve,
you'’re driving me crazy.
223
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,858
Just turn off your phone.
224
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:16,338
You can do that?
225
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:18,993
I did. It'’s called
setting boundaries.
226
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,996
All right, phone off.
227
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:23,519
[door opens]
228
00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:25,303
VIOLET:
Mom, we'’re here.
229
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:27,001
Coming.
Now remember,
230
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:29,656
we'’re nice people
and we love each other.
231
00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:31,571
I'’ll give it a shot.
232
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,575
Welcome to our home.
233
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,577
Where nice people
love each other.
234
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,537
Christy, Bonnie,
this is my mother, Phyllis.
235
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,539
Hello, how do you do?Nice to meet you.
Hi.
236
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,759
Nice to meet you.
So you'’re the mother?
237
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,457
What, you had Violet
when you were 16?
238
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:51,721
No, 17.
239
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,682
And a half.
240
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,640
I had her when I was 16.
241
00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:00,948
All right.
242
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:05,300
When I was 16, I was
at summer camp rowing a canoe.
243
00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:08,564
Great story, Ma.
244
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:11,349
Thank you so much
for having us over.
245
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:12,786
Our pleasure.
246
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,396
And I brought
a nice bottle of wine.
247
00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:16,746
Oh. Thank you.
248
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,356
You do know we
don'’t drink, right?
249
00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:20,010
Oh, yeah, I know.
It'’s for me.
250
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,361
Open it now.
251
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:33,458
Well, no one was
more surprised than I was
252
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:35,983
when these two
got engaged.
253
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,593
I mean, Gregory hasn'’t had
a girlfriend since...
254
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,509
What was her name?
The one with the teeth.
255
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:43,947
I don'’t know, Ma.
They all had teeth.
256
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,993
Rachel. Rachel Levine.
257
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,169
I liked her.
You ever hear from her?
258
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:49,431
[chuckling]: No. I-I don'’t hear
259
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:50,998
from any of my ex-girlfriends.
260
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:52,173
[Phyllis chuckles]
261
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,391
"Ex-girlfriends."
262
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,958
Listen to Tom Jones over here.
263
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,832
Don'’t you worry,
Violet.
264
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,181
There was only the one.
265
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:02,052
So,
266
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,314
what is this I'’m eating?
267
00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:05,316
It'’s flanken.
268
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,318
[laughs]
No, it'’s not.
269
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:11,322
But it was sweet of you to try.
270
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:14,021
Would you like some more wine,
Mrs. Munchnik?
271
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:15,762
Oh, thank you.
And, please, Bonnie,
272
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:18,329
we'’re only a few years apart--
call me Phyllis.
273
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:22,290
[mouthing]
274
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:29,689
So, do you miss the booze?
275
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:30,820
Oy.
276
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:32,039
What? I'’m curious.
277
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,736
I'’ve never met an alcoholic.
278
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,042
What about Uncle Artie?
279
00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:36,086
Zsz-zsz-zsz.
280
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,611
My brother Arthur
was not an alcoholic.
281
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,918
He just didn'’t know
when to stop drinking.
282
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:44,704
Isn'’t that essentially...
283
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:45,792
Zsz-zsz-zsz.
284
00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:47,750
[knocking on door]
285
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:51,406
Excuse me.
286
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,930
Look at that tiny tush.
I hate her.
287
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:56,933
Hey. I gotta stay
here for a couple days.
288
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,543
CHRISTY:
Um...
289
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,502
yeah, we have guests.
290
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:03,287
Sorry. I texted you, like, 1,000
times but you didn'’t answer.
291
00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:04,506
Who is this person?
292
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,073
Hi, I'’m Jodi.
293
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,075
Ah. You'’re Violet'’s friend?
294
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:09,511
No, Christy'’s
my sponsor.
295
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,382
I'’m lost.
296
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:14,168
I'’m helping her
stay sober.
297
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,433
Why do you need to crash here?
298
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,782
'’Cause my
sister'’s a bitch.
299
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:22,611
What happened?
300
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:24,091
Mom, can you do this
another time?
301
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,788
Hang on, Vi. What happened?
302
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:28,269
I-I guess I borrowed her car
without telling her first,
303
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:30,140
and she totally
freaked out on me.
304
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:32,447
Oh, this is an easy one--
you'’re wrong.
305
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:35,667
Go make amends to your sister
and get your ass to a meeting.
306
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,930
But she was
really mean to me.
307
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:37,887
Go!
308
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,368
[sighs heavily]
309
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:45,025
Believe it or not,
I am so proud of that girl.
310
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:50,030
So, Christy,
I have to ask,
311
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:53,337
what inspired you to go back
to school to become a lawyer?
312
00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:55,035
Well, actually, it was
something I'’ve wanted to do
313
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:56,950
since I was a kid.
314
00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:58,516
I saw this one get hauled off
315
00:12:58,603 --> 00:12:59,953
by the police a bunch of times,
316
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,476
and...
317
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:03,086
I wanted to help her.
318
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:07,743
You couldn'’t just say
you read a book about Lincoln?
319
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,486
You know, that'’s
interesting.
320
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,096
I got into psychology
to help mymother.
321
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:16,796
As you can see, it didn'’t work.
322
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,014
[laughter]
323
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:20,887
Cute.
324
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:23,541
I thought it was to understand
325
00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:25,108
your obsession with boobies.
326
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,634
I had to breastfeed him
till he was four.
327
00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:31,636
Ma...
328
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:33,290
Yeah, you want to zetz
329
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:34,291
with the big boys,
that'’s what happens.
330
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,775
So, we gonna talk
about the age difference
331
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,124
with these two or what?
332
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,126
Please let'’s go back to boobies.
333
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:45,694
Christy, tell me
334
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,522
that you'’re not concerned.
335
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:50,003
Well, I-I was at first,
336
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,656
but they both seem
337
00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,397
happy together,
and...
338
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,530
isn'’t that what'’s important?
339
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:58,315
Hmm. Thank you, Mary Poppins.
340
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,842
How '’bout you?
341
00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:04,974
Well, Phyl...
342
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:08,717
...who am I to judge?
343
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:10,066
I'’m a middle-aged woman.
344
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,286
What does that got to do
with anything?
345
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:14,679
I just wanted you to know
I'’m a lot younger than you are.
346
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:17,987
[knocking on door]
347
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:19,336
Why don'’t I get that.
348
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,773
Now, that'’s a zetz.
349
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,910
What are you doing here?You wouldn'’t answer your phone,
you don'’t return my texts.
350
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,346
I want to know what'’s going on.
351
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,695
What'’s going on
is we'’ve got company.
352
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:31,871
I'’ll talk to you tomorrow.
353
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,611
No!
No?!
354
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,786
I demand to be heard!
355
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,179
I am not your secret sex toy!
356
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:40,923
[quietly]:
Do something.
357
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,883
Mom, you mind taking
your dumb-ass life outside?
358
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,233
Sure. Move.
359
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,062
Can you imagine what they
were like when they drank?
360
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:50,977
[quietly]:
Mom, please...
361
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:52,413
I'’m tired of letting
you call all the shots.
362
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,284
Now, are we in a real
relationship or not?
363
00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:57,331
Wow. I'’ve never seen this
forceful side of you before.
364
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,723
Well, sometimes a man'’s got--
365
00:14:58,810 --> 00:14:59,899
Well, I don'’t like it!Okay.
366
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,251
Is Christy here? I need
to talk to Christy.
367
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:05,295
Yeah. She'’s inside.
What'’s going on?
368
00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:06,644
My ex-husband is having a baby
369
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,472
with his skanky
anesthesiologist,
370
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,735
which is crazy, because he never
wanted to have a baby with me.
371
00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:12,520
[forced laugh]
I mean,
372
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,827
why wouldn'’t anybody want
to have a baby with me?!
373
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:20,397
So you can'’t even take a Xanax?
374
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:22,443
No.
375
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:25,707
We face our difficulties
with dignity and grace.
376
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:29,319
Christy, I need you.
377
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,060
My husband knocked up his whore.
378
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,593
Everybody, this is Jill.
379
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,594
Jill, this is...
380
00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:44,856
Don'’t care.
381
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,249
Why don'’t you answer your phone?
382
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:48,077
Let'’s talk in the kitchen.Mom,
383
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,165
can'’t you do this later?
384
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,601
Just need five minutes.
385
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:53,430
JILL: I would'’ve been
a wonderful mother!
386
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:58,087
Maybe six minutes.
387
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,523
Maybe we should go.
388
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,047
Are you kidding?
389
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:02,657
This is like dinner and a show.
390
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,398
STEVE: You'’ll regret this,
Bonnie Plunkett!
391
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:05,877
You'’re gonna miss my lovin'’!
392
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,097
Act two.
393
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,319
Whew... [sighs]
394
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,016
Sorry about that.
395
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,539
Is everything okay?
396
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:18,020
Not really.
I had to end it with him.
397
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,631
All because he didn'’t want
to be your secret sex toy.
398
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,373
Oh, for God'’s sakes.
399
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,723
They say these things out loud.
400
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,116
I shouldn'’t listen?
401
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,077
It wasn'’t him.
402
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,861
It'’s just hard for me
to make a commitment.
403
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,776
Yeah? Why is that?
404
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,256
Well, I don'’t know
if Violet told you,
405
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,519
but the love of my life
died last year.
406
00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:40,086
Oh, I'’m sorry. No.
407
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,913
How did he die?
408
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,045
We were in bed together...
409
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:44,133
Mom! Now!
410
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,571
I'’m sorry. Two more minutes.
411
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,921
Oh, forget it.
Let'’s just get out of here.
412
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,706
Violet, please, I'’m trying.
413
00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:53,142
Yeah, you'’re always trying.
414
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,361
I asked you for one normal
family dinner
415
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:55,753
and you couldn'’t do it.
416
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,190
Hey, friends come to me
for help.
417
00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:59,105
I am not gonna turn them away.
418
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:01,107
Yeah, but I'’m--There'’s no buts.
419
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:02,760
People were there for me
when I needed them.
420
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,066
Now it'’s my turn.
421
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,720
Great. And as always,
422
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,200
it doesn'’t matter what I need.
423
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:08,375
Let'’s go.
424
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,203
Wait, may I
say something?
425
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:11,508
Say it in the car.
426
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,208
When I came here tonight,
427
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,079
I didn'’t know what to expect.
428
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,039
I mean, alcoholics,
drug addicts,
429
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,911
felons, Gentiles...
430
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:27,437
But, Christy,
431
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,091
what-what you'’re doing
with the tattoo girl
432
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:32,312
and that basket case
in the kitchen...
433
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,228
...it'’s a mitzvah.
434
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,969
A whatzvah?
435
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,972
A mitzvah.
It means "a good deed."
436
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,715
Huh. I thought
it was that big cracker.
437
00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:50,895
That'’s-That-That'’s matzoh.
438
00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,420
Say the other one again.
439
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:54,769
Mitzvah.
440
00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:56,684
Violet...
441
00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:57,859
your mother helps people.
442
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,165
What'’s better than that?
443
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,949
I don'’t know. She could help me.
444
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,951
Aw. What do you need help with?
445
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:04,735
You'’re beautiful, you'’re young,
446
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:07,738
you'’re intelligent,
you'’re gonna marry my son,
447
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:10,741
have ten nice years with him.
448
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:16,225
Ten?
449
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:17,531
Yeah.
The over-under'’s six.
450
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,274
The bottom line is
you should be very grateful
451
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,624
that this wonderful woman
is your mother.
452
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:26,627
Thank you, Phyllis.
453
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,629
You'’re very welcome, dear.
[chuckles]
454
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:32,241
This really is the most
adorable little tushy.
455
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:37,116
What the hell am I eating?
456
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,597
I'’ve been asking that
all night long.
457
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:51,042
So, go figure--
ever since the dinner,
458
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,220
we can'’t stop talking like
we'’re in Fiddler on the Roof!
459
00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:56,613
Enough already
with that verkakte story.
460
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,138
You'’re breaking my kishkes.
461
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,357
Oy.
462
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:02,880
See? It'’s contagious.
463
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,186
No, Steve just
walked in.
464
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,582
With a shiksa.
465
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:13,239
[sighs]
I'’m such a schmuck.
32576
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