All language subtitles for Resident Alien.S03E02_Track03

- Previously
on "Resident Alien"...

- There are Grey-human hybrids
all over the Earth.

- If anybody's up to something,
I'll know it.

- I'm going away, Max,
but you're special.

You're the only one
who can identify aliens.

- I am the Alien Tracker.

- I need to tell you something.

- Joseph is a Grey alien.

- I'm going to go
on another date with Joseph.

I'll find out
what you need to know, OK?

You and I are gonna
save Earth together.

[Lester Norton's
"Because I Believe in You"]

- * I believe in the stars

* That cover the sky *

* I believe
in the moon above *

- Don't wander too far, honey.
It's dark.

- * I believe God made them *

* For you and I to dream on *

[suspenseful music]

* *

[water bubbling]

- [screams]

* *

[Brown Bird's "Bilgewater"]

[laid-back acoustic strumming]

* *

[playful music]

* *

- I can't believe
you're friends with an alien.

- How many limbs does he have?

- Six, with razor-sharp teeth
and a black tongue.

- Cool.

- And he dips his pie
in oatmeal.

- He's a beast.

[knocks on door]

- Get ready.

You're about to meet
a real-life extraterrestrial.

[door clicks]

- What are you doing here?
I don't want visitors.

- Um...
- And you know that I hate

bike lines in my driveway dirt.

- Aliens are always
making jokes.

Come on.

- I have a joke for you.

What has three heads

and has to get out of my house
and it's you?

- Us?

- Oh, you've heard it.

Wait, where is
grumpy headscarf?

- She moved away.
- And left you here?

Oh, that's like cutting off
the head of a chicken

and watching its dumb
little body run into walls.

[chuckles]
- I don't need Sahar,

and I'm not by myself.

I started an alien club.

- Hmm.
- This is Mari and Leo.

- I have already forgotten
your names.

- Mari.
- Leo.

- We came here so you could
turn into an alien

and show them
what you really look like.

- This little shit monkey
is bad enough.

I do not want two more idiots
chasing me around.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'm not an alien.

- He's a liar.

- You're the liar.

Max isn't even his real name.

It's Giuseppe.

- It's OK.
My real name is Bishop.

- Bishop?

I see why you keep that
to yourself.

- You leave me no choice.

[zapping]

- I have been looking
for that taser everywhere!

I should have known
this little pecker stole it.

- Reveal your true self now,
alien.

- I want it back.

It heats my coffee in seconds.
[growls]

But if I take it,
they will think I care

and may believe I am an alien.

I will wait.

It is only a matter of time

before this idiot
zaps himself.

[yawns]

- I knew he wasn't an alien.

- We should go.

[door clicks]

[light music]

* *

- My name is Max,
and I'm the new Alien Tracker.

- Humans spend
their entire lives

believing they are special.

Even after they die,
they do everything

in their power
to remain special forever--

tombstones, plaques,

old libraries
with their names on them.

Not long ago,
the smartest minds on Earth

believed the sun
revolved around them.

[laughs]

[zapping]
[Max groans]

[laughing]

* *

The truth is, most humans
are not special at all.

Ah.

[suspenseful music]

[scoffs]

Hello, asshole.
You are not special either.

I have Asta on my side,
and together we will find out

why you are here.

[laughs]

- Littering is a $50 fine.

- I know that.

I'm...putting it in my truck.

[chuckles]

Oh!
[laughs]

It's not littering
if it's liquid.

Now I need to get
another coffee.

- Joseph is a Grey alien.

You can't go
on another date with him.

- It's not a date.

I just have to sit
across from the guy at dinner

and keep him interested
in staying.

- That sounds like every date
I've ever been on.

- Just long enough for Harry
to search his apartment.

- But do you really trust
Harry's plan?

What was his last plan again,
to destroy the Earth?

How'd that work out?

Uh, everything's still here.

- D'arcy, I promise, you don't
have to worry about me, OK?

I'll be fine.

- OK, great, yeah.

I--I know you'll be fine
because I'm coming with.

I'm gonna be at the counter
as backup.

- No. No way.

Joseph will recognize you, OK?

And then he'll be suspicious.

Look, I didn't even tell
my dad.

- What if it gets dangerous?

Do you remember when you beat
Laura Roberts at double Dutch

and she shoved your head
into the sand like an ostrich?

- [chuckles nervously]
Not really.

Maybe.

That was third grade,
though, OK?

I can take care of myself.

- Asta, do you prefer

a confetti cake
or a red velvet cake?

I think pie, because if you are
unable to finish it,

I'll eat it.
[chuckles]

- I'm gonna regret asking,
but why?

- Oh, there is a beautiful
ritual on my planet

that whenever we send off
a volunteer

on a suicide mission,

we prepare for them
a last meal.

- You're not going.

- Bye, Harry.

- I'll put pie.

- I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be so good.

- No, you--

- You know, you can trust me.
I love you.

- Houses in this neighborhood
are very desirable.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, that's great.
- Oh, yeah.

I know my stuff.

- Hey. What's going on?

- Well, I ran into Judy,
and I mentioned

that we were putting the house
on the market.

And it turns out
that she's a realtor.

- Well, not--
not fully, not yet.

I just--
I keep failing the test.

But until I pass,
my Aunt Barbara lets me

work with the clients
that she doesn't care about.

- Oh.
- Wow.

So you're--you're really
serious about this?

- Yes, I told you.

And Judy's got
some really good ideas.

- Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.

A-right, this way, folks.
[chuckles]

How do you guys feel
about animal print?

Zebra?

I mean, obviously,
these couches are hideous.

No on that.
All this trim is just ugh.

Obviously,
you're gonna want to get rid

of the dead meat smell and--

are these real?

No. That's a good thing.
It's a teardown, really.

But we'll sell it, and then
they'll realize it later.

Do you guys have any signs
with cursive on them?

Like--like--like,
"Let's go jump in the lake,"

you know,
or, like, "Great fun."

Light, light, light. You know?

Just open it up,
get rid of that,

blow all this out, you know?

Make it one big kitchen.

Ooh!
A pizza oven right here.

Popcorn machine's
actually better.

It draws the eye.

You're gonna want
to draw the eye.

- Mm-hmm. Not those.
- Yeah.

You know, I'm just not sure

that it's the right time
to sell.

You know, the market and all.
- Oh, no. No, no.

The market's always strong
for a murder house.

- Mm.
- I'm sorry?

- Oh, well, OK.

Yeah, technically,
murder-suicide.

- I don't know about "murder."

I mean, didn't the--
didn't the previous owner

just kind of slip and fall?

- Yeah, she did.

She got shot in the gut,

slipped and fell
in her own blood,

and then she got two more
to the back execution style.

Blam!

- What?

- Blam!

Ben, don't you remember?
- Hmm?

- You wrote a story about it
in first grade.

You drew all the pictures,
used up all the red crayons.

- Mm, not ringing a bell.

- Who got shot?

- Some of the brown crayons
too, remember,

because the lady
shit her pants.

- OK, Max, can you upstairs?

- I miss all the good stories.

- You know, I--I just think

that we should at least
maybe talk about it.

- Yeah, we did, just now.

I can't live here.
OK.

- So I'll do the listing?
- Yes.

- And you guys get started
on the renovating.

Oh, you know what, though?

I wouldn't pull up
the floorboards,

definitely not the ones
in the basement.

Unless you guys like skeletons,
which some people do.

We can list it on Halloween.

Boo!
[both laugh]

Come on.

[quirky music]

- Maybe we could just
burn the house down

with me inside it.

- I smell baked goods.

- Yeah, the banana bread is
for Esther at the lab

to expedite the prints we got
from Peter Bach's van,

and the chocolate chip cookies

are for Maureen
at the post office

to hurry the prints
to Esther at the lab.

- And the blueberry muffins?

- For Ben.

He likes them.

And for you.
- Yes!

- My grandmother's
secret recipe.

The day I took it
from her drawer,

she threw a toaster at my head.

She was tough, but she was also

why I went undefeated
in dodgeball.

- There's six blueberries
in one half

and two blueberries
in the other.

Was your oven on its side?

No thank you.

- Also,
Detective Torres called here

twice already looking for you.

- Let--let's just
get to work, OK?

- Oh, no.
You're not talking.

Are you ghosting her?

- Ghosts talk, Deputy.

That's one of the main things
ghosts do.

If somebody has
something to say

and then they die
before they say it,

they turn ghost.

They write
on fogged-up mirrors.

They whisper in your ear before
you fall asleep at night.

They turn bathwater into blood.

OK? That's communicating.

- OK.

Is there something you're not
communicating to Lena?

- Get this, right--she planned
a trip for us next month,

all expenses paid by her.

First she's paying for dinners.

Now she's paying
for entire weekends.

What's next?
She gonna give me her kidney?

- Oh, not this again.

- You're right, not this.

Because this conversation,
it's over.

I'm bringing Ben his muffins
and I'm taking

one of Esther's cookies.

- Oh, the cookies
are for Maureen.

Esther is the banana bread.

- I don't care.

At least the chocolate chips
are evenly spaced.

* *

- Here, Deputy Liv made you
some lopsided muffins.

- Oh, I love these.

- What's this?

You getting a pool?

- Uh, I don't know.

Kate wants to sell the house.

I thought maybe if I put in
a pool, she'd want to stay.

- You can count me out.

I don't swim in water
somebody else is tea-bagging.

- I'm pretty sure
we'd be wearing bathing suits.

- Shit, water don't care.

You wrap a tea bag in a Speedo
and you put it in some water,

you still gonna get
a cup of tea

that tastes like your nuts.

- For that, and other reasons,
it's not an option.

I can't afford it.

- Really?

Hmm.

Take off your shoe and sock.

- What?
- You heard me.

Go on and make your foot naked.
Let's see it.

- I'm gonna say no.

Uh--possible HR violation.

- Yeah, that is a pretty foot.

You got yourself
a dancer's arch.

Ooh, my, my, my, my, my.

You know what?

I got the answer
to your problems.

You come see me after work.

Bring your feet.

* *

- My people should not
have given up

the Earth to the Greys.

They are ruthless,
but we have beaten them

every time we have faced
each other.

[tense music]

I do not need the help
of my people

to defeat
a single Grey hybrid.

I will be very happy
doing it by my--

[door creaks]
- All right.

[sighs] Let's do this.

[exhales]

- [groans]

- I know this building.

I applied
for an apartment here,

but I got turned down.

A Grey alien got in?

This is bullshit.

- You stay here.
You will be the lookout.

- No way.

All these units are
newly renovated.

I gotta see which one he got.
- Hmm.

- He probably has
a steam shower

I need to take a shit into.

[sighs]

- OK.

[dramatic music]

- Holy shit. Can you fly?

- If I could fly,
why would I climb?

I mean, seriously.

- Well, I can't do either.

* *

[thuds]

Grab the rope and pull me up.

- Oh, no, I missed.

- Pull me up or I'll put
a sign in the bar

that says
Harry Vanderspeigle kicks dogs.

- I do not.

Who tells these lies?

- Me, you idiot.
I just made it up.

- Oh.
- And people will believe me

because you have
a dog-kicking face.

- I do not.

- Pull me up
or I'll make up worse.

- [grunts]

I do not have
a dog-kicking face.

Throw it.

[funky music]

* *

- * I'm like a bandit *

* I steal kisses of hers *

* Late in the midnight hour *

- Wait. What are you doing?

- [laughs]

- You're right.

Oh, my favorite.

- [grunting]
- I'm sorry.

I'm having trouble looking out
of my dog-kicking face at you.

- Best burgers in town.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

- [laughs]

- [grunting]
Jesus.

- All right,
I'll see you tomorrow.

- * Sock it to me *

* *

[metallic clanking]

[suspenseful music]

* *

- Hmm.

- People really pay money
for this?

- Not if you keep moving.
You gotta stay still.

I'm trying to get
the angle right.

- I can't. Ow! Cramp.

Cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp.
- Oh, use it. Go with that.

There's a whole section
of the website called Crampus.

- Oh, God. No.
Look, it's just too weird.

- I know what you're doing.

You're trying
to make it sound dirty.

It's not.

It's not dirty.

Now spread your toes for me.

- [sighs]
- No shame in making money.

I mean, the root
of essential living

is financial security,
independence.

Hey, a man's gotta
take care of himself

first and foremost,
even if a woman inserts herself

and starts planning trips.

Lena planned an impromptu
vacation for the two of us.

And before you say, "So what,"

that's not the way
it's supposed to be.

I'm supposed to be
the one initiating that.

- Says who?

- Now, that's very close
to "So what."

- Well, you're talking
about roles,

and everyone in a relationship
has a role they play,

and it works--

as long as one of you doesn't
suddenly switch up the roles

after ten years
so you have no idea

what's happening with her.

- OK, I feel like
this is no longer about me.

- When I was eight,
my teacher had us write down

what we were doing
for summer vacation.

I wrote, "Fear."

That's me.
That's my thing.

Now, suddenly,
Kate's afraid of birds,

and that scares me.

I mean, how am I supposed to be
the one hiding under the bed

when she's already there?

- Well, let me lay
a little wisdom on you.

A man's job is to take care
of his woman, full stop.

See, me, I'm old-school, right?

I like holding doors open.

Do I really want a woman

who's gonna lay her jacket
over a puddle

so my pumps don't get wet?

- Well, you're not married.

If you don't like her,
break it off.

- I do like her, a lot.

I mean,
Lena's an amazing woman.

She's smart.
She's beautiful.

She's got great taste
in tactical knives.

- Sure.
- Independent.

I actually like
her independence.

I think it's kind of sexy.

Is it too much to ask for,
to find an independent woman

who only does what I want?

[sighs]

Wait.

What is this lump in your foot?
What is that?

- Oh, it's been there
since I was a kid.

- Really?

You might want
to get that looked at.

If that gets any bigger,
that could derail

your foot modeling career
before it starts.

There's no section of
the website called Lump Foot.

- Hey, I saw a light...

on.

[quirky music]

- She don't know art.

- Ah, yeah. See?

This is why I wanted a place
in this building--

brand-new appliances?

I'm so pissed.

- Would you focus
your tiny brain?

Remember why we are here,
to find evidence

and get little drawings
or notes

or anything
out of the ordinary.

- I'll tell you
what's out of the ordinary--

$600 microwave.

I had no idea
aliens were so bougie.

- We are not all alike.

[stammering]
That's racist.

- You're right.
I apologize.

How is your breed different?

Ooh, can I say "breed"?

All right, I'm still learning.

- We are protectors.

The Greys, they--

[chuckling]

The Greys, they are just cruel.

They should not even be here.

Their spaghetti bodies
and their meatball heads

only allow them to live
in the Earth's atmosphere

for a short amount of time.

- That's why
they created hybrids?

- Yes.

We have been here
for thousands of years.

We belong here.
They do not.

- See how easy it is
to sound racist?

- Mm.

Look at this.

Jack's pot!

- That's just a pizza box.

I don't think it's filled
with alien secrets.

- Well, maybe it's filled
with pizza.

I'm hungry.

[tense music]

- Wait, wait.

What if it's a trap?

- Hmm...

* *

[grunts]

* *

[sighs]
That was worth the risk.

- I was upset our last date
got interrupted so quickly.

- Yeah, me too.

Could have talked for hours.

- I would have liked that.

We never got a chance
to talk about your mother.

- Like I said,
she wasn't around.

- I lost my mother
when I was a kid too,

so I can relate.

- What an odd coincidence.

Look at us,
just two people with no moms.

- [grunts]

- Really?

What if it's poisoned?

- If it was poisoned,
it would have more flavor.

Anthony must have
the night off.

It needs pepper flakes.

What idiot puts
crushed red pepper over there?

[tense music]

- Harry, no!

[zapping]

- Ooh!

Oh, no.

The pizza's outside the trap.

[phone dings]

- Oh, good.
That's done.

We can drop the act now.

I know that you know
that I'm what I am.

- Yeah?
And what is that?

- You know.

* *

- Why don't we both say
at the same time

so I know what it is
you think I know?

- OK, one, two, three.

Grey alien.
- Asshole.

So both.

- You will tell me everything
that you know about Harry.

- And why would I do that?

- Because I have him trapped.

- Stupid cell phone companies.

They shut off my service again
just for not paying my bill.

I am done with them.

- It's not the phone.

There is a Reticulan
Photon Net.

And it--it's a pretty
nice one, actually.

- OK, well, if your people
are so superior,

why don't you just override it?

- This is advanced
alien technology.

You cannot just override it.

You have to construct a thin,
nonconductive plasma deflector

to interfere with the complex
magnetic field.

- So there's nothing we can do?

- We could unplug it.

- [scoffs]

- The magnetic perimeter
only confines

the molecular structure
for alien life.

Humans can pass right through.

- Well, why didn't you
just tell me that?

- [chuckling]
[zapping]

- God, you said
I could walk right through it!

- It was 50/50.

[swinging rock music]

* *

- * I can't help falling *

- Act normal.

I would hate for something
to happen to your father.

He makes a great hamburger.

Ow.

I said act normal.

- That is normal.

I always kick my dates
when they lie to me.

- Why don't you make this easy
and tell me

why he is still in Patience?

- He hasn't told me shit.

And even if he did,
I wouldn't tell you.

- Mm-mm, mm-mm.

Neither of you are in
a position to be making rules.

- Oh, stop the bullshit.

I know you can't kill him

because it's against
the Galactic Charter thingy.

- So he has been
sharing information.

[clicks tongue]

Well, you got me.

I can't kill Harry.

But your friend is fair game.

See, I thought
it was just gonna be Harry,

but this one is a bonus.

- If you hurt her,
I will kill you.

[tense music]

* *

[bell rings]

- Don't do anything stupid,
or people will die,

understand?

- Hey.

Hey, I'm Jay.
- I'm busy, Jay.

- OK.

- Nice work.

- Asta is in trouble.
Who is that guy?

- The new deputy.

- He's bad.

- Just go. I got it.

- I'm staying.

- Jay, you go.

I got it.

- Fine.

[swinging rock music]

* *

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey, sorry.

I kept meaning
to call you back,

and then the day just
got away from me.

- Um...

look.

I've been thinking
a lot about us.

I know that you're not thrilled

about me picking up a check
now and then.

And you're clearly not OK
with me taking you on a trip.

- [chuckles]

- I like you a lot,

and I want you to be happy,
not uncomfortable.

- Well, thank you.

I appreciate that.

- So I think that we should
just end this right now.

[somber music]

- Oh. I see.

- Do you?

You are who you are, Mike,
but I am who I am.

And when I care about someone,
I show it.

I'm not gonna change who I am.

I have to set an example
for my son.

- No, I--I understand.

I was--I was looking forward
to meeting him.

- Well, this is why
you haven't.

* *

Take care, Mike.

* *

[door clicks]

- [exhales sharply]

[sighs]

[soft guitar music]

* *

- Hey.
- Hey.

* *

So I think we should
sell the house.

- You do?

- If you do, yes.

- Because I don't.

- Oh, thank God.

- I love this house.

I--I never want to leave.

I don't care
if somebody died in it.

- People die.
- People die.

I want to die here.

- I want to die here with you.

I want to, you know,
haunt this place.

You know, chop us up.

Bury us underneath
the floorboards.

- I don't want that.
- No, me neither.

Me neither.

So then what?

- I don't know.

* *

I just don't feel right.

And at first, I thought
I didn't feel right here,

but...

now I think it's just me.

You know, like--like a part
of me is missing or something.

- Mm.

Maybe you just need

to get out of the house
for a little bit.

You know, we can go somewhere.
A vacation?

- I haven't been on a trip
in a while.

- Oh, and we have
a long weekend coming up.

We can go somewhere fun.

- Oh, my God,
I know the perfect place.

- Me too: Yellowstone.

- I was gonna say Paris.
- Oh.

- But yeah, Yellowstone.

- * Another lonely night *

- Thanks, honey.

* *

- Damn it, I told Asta
your plan was stupid.

Now I'm trapped in here,
no way out,

and Asta's stuck at the diner

with some hybrid alien
psychopath.

- My plan was stupid.
I am stupid.

I hate myself.

- Oh, I didn't say all that.

- You should have.
I'm worthless.

I failed in my attempt
to destroy all of humanity,

and now I'm failing
in my attempt to save it.

I am nothing but a big,
stupid, human-shaped failure.

[sobbing]

- Yeah.

Well, you know,
welcome to the club.

- You're a failure too?

- Yeah, I'm the biggest failure
in Olympics history, man.

- Oh, right.

- You had to eradicate
a species.

All I had to do was
ski down a hill.

Couldn't even get that right.

- That's right,
and you didn't even make it

down the mountain
because you fell.

- Right.
- Millions of people saw you

fail on television.

- It's pretty stupid.

- It seems like
it should be easy

'cause skiing's mostly gravity.

- Yeah, you know what?
You made your point.

- Yes, that we are
both failures.

[somber music]

* *

- Um, Harry,
do you think it's possible

this Grey technology is
making us bigger?

- No.
- Cool.

Then this thing is
closing in on us.

- Oh, he got the new kind.

[suspenseful music]

- You better tell me
what you know.

Time is running out.

- OK.

OK, fine.

Harry's real name

is...Mork,

and he is from a planet
called...Ork.

- OK, good.

Was that really so hard?

Mork.

I don't know this planet Ork.

Who does he report to?

- A very powerful being.

I think his name is Orson.

- Orson?
- Yeah.

- Orson.

Orson.
I think I've heard of him.

- Mm-hmm.

- You got to do something.

You're an alien.

I just watched you
climb a wall.

Don't you have
any other special powers?

- Mm.

- Even ET could
levitate toys and shit.

- He is so special.

ET could fly a bicycle.

ET had a flashlight
for a finger.

Do you know what it is like
to be constantly compared

to that waddling sex doll?

- Look, out of all the aliens
on your planet,

you're the one who was chosen

to come here and kill
everyone on Earth.

They picked you.

That makes you special too.
So think.

- But they didn't pick me.

I volunteered
'cause I knew I could do it.

But I couldn't do it.
I failed.

- No, you volunteered

because you knew
you could do it.

That makes you special.

- Yes, and you volunteered
to do this.

Does that also
make you special?

- Yeah, I guess it does.

Maybe we're not failures.

Since I was a kid,
all I cared about, right,

was being the best skier
in the world.

You wanted to kill
everyone in the world.

- Mm-hmm.
- Those are big goals.

- And stopping the Greys,
that is no small thing either.

- We're not stuck in here
because we're failures.

We're in here because
no one else would even try.

- Yes. I'm not a failure.

I am special.

[zapping]

Oh. Oh.

- [exhales sharply]

I'm special too, right?

- Yes, you are special.

Do I really have
a dog-kicking face?

[door clicks]
- No, no, no.

- See? I told you.
Alien technology.

- Thank God.

- What are you doing here?
Did you follow me?

- No, I've been tracking you,
because I'm the Alien Tracker.

- How did you get
past security?

His fortress is impenetrable.

- Door was unlocked.

- Son of a bitch.

- Who cares?

Max, unplug this thing.

- I will, if you tell them
you're an alien.

- Then we are both going to die

because I am nothing
but a dumb human.

- Ugh!

Max, unplug this,
or when I die,

I will haunt the shit
out of you.

- I don't care.
I like ghosts.

- I don't.

She's scary
even when she's alive.

- He's not an alien.
I knew Max was a liar.

- All right,
take it easy, Bishop.

[tense music]

Fine. I am a human.

Obviously.

But the person who lives here
is an alien, obviously.

And the reason that you were
able to track down his lair

is because you, Max,

are the Alien Tracker.

[zapping]

- Wow.

- Cool.

- And this Mindy person,
what's her role in all this?

[phone dings]

No, no. Damn it.

- What's the Grey word
for screw-up?

Oh, or is it just Joseph?

- Well, I still have you.

Just smile like nothing's wrong
and get up.

We're walking out of here.

[exhales]
- Get out. She stays.

- You have no idea
what you're dealing with.

- Oh, no. You're an alien?

You think I give a shit?

You can't swing a dead cat
in this town

without hitting an alien.

- Double Dutch that,
Laura Roberts.

- Is she the one that dunked
your head in the sand?

- What? Uh, I don't know.
Maybe. Can't remember.

- [groaning]
- Don't worry, folks.

He had too much to drink.

[folk rock music]

- * Here I was
wasting all my time *

- Hi, sir.

Bad news from the lab.

No hit on the fingerprints.

I really thought
we had something this time.

On the bright side,
Esther loved my banana bread.

It didn't go so well
with Maureen.

Her dog ate
the whole plate of cookies,

had to have her stomach pumped.

But she'll be OK.
- Poor dog.

- No, Maureen had to have
her stomach pumped.

Sorry, I--I forgot the part
about her OD'ing on Vicodin.

You OK?

- If you must know,

Lena and I have decided
to just be friends.

- Oh, no.

- I said I'm fine, deputy.

- Well, you can't just sit here
by yourself being sad.

Come to dinner.

I'm making John's favorite.

- What are you having?
- Turkey meatloaf.

- [scoffs] Hard pass.

- * Ooh, oh, oh, oh *

* Oh, oh, oh *

- [snorts]

- You're funny when you sleep.

This is you.

[imitates snoring]

- You didn't tie me up.
- Oh, I was going to.

But then I thought,

hybrid Greys would be
very strong.

You would break
your restraints,

and then you would have
probably broken my chair.

Then I would have to fight you.

And because I am also strong,

I would throw you
across the room.

[both shouting]
[maniacal laughter]

And then you would break
my refrigerator.

[clattering]

And the refrigerator repairman

would probably be
overly talkative.

- Well, my real passion
is photography.

I've--I got a film camera,

which is drastically better
than digital.

I--I like nature photography.

Do you like nature?

I sometimes go on hikes,

and I shoot the things
that I see.

I like the chipmunks.
They're really cute.

People seem to like the photos
of the chipmunks, you know.

My--my mom really likes
the--the chipmunk photos.

- [groans]

- I have an alternate scenario,
if I may.

- Go ahead.

- We fight.

You're strong,
but I am stronger,

and I throw you
across the room.

[both screaming]

And then I step
on your stupid alien head

and I kill you.

- Except I bite you!

[growling]
- [screaming]

[glass shattering]

- [cackles]

But the refrigerator repairman

also works
for the glass company.

- I've shot at all the national
parks in Colorado--

Mesa Verde. Rocky Mountain.

Of course, Sand Dunes.
Sand Dunes is my favorite.

I only shoot on film.

Did I--did I mention that?

I find
it's drastically better than--

than digital.

I do have to develop
my own film in my darkroom.

But my mom's just upstairs,

so sometimes,
she brings me snacks.

I did go with my mom a few
years ago to--to Four Points.

It's where
the four states touch.

I took a photo of her there.

- In every situation,
I just end up

with a lot of sweeping to do

and learn more than I need to
about film photography.

Now, what are the Grey aliens
doing here on Earth?

- If I told you,
you wouldn't understand.

- I would understand
better than you.

You're a hybrid.

You are half-human,
which means you're half-stupid.

I am two halves not stupid.

- Yet neither of your halves
knows the Greys' plans,

and my half does.

- Not the part about the trees.

- [chuckles]
It knows all about the trees.

- Aha!
[laughs]

There is no part
about the trees.

I made that up.

- There's a part.
A whole tree thing.

A whole pine and birch
scenario.

- They have not told you
anything, have they?

You are nothing to the Greys.

You're a circus monkey
that does tricks for food.

- What if I am?
What if I don't know anything?

Why are you so happy about it?
I was your only hope.

If I don't know anything,
your mission has failed.

- And so has yours.
You have to leave Patience now.

- Oh, why is that?

- Because I do not like
your square face.

And if you do not leave,
I will tell the Greys

how many humans know
you're an alien.

Three of them are children.

I do not think
they will let you live.

- I will leave
when I want to leave.

Lucky for you,
I want to leave right now.

[quirky, tense music]

* *

- You're leaving
because I told you to leave.

- Uh, no.

I just happen
to want to leave so badly

that I don't care about staying
just so you don't think

that I'm leaving
because you told me to leave.

- The only thing I understood
in that was "leave."

- I'm leaving.

- [chuckles]

* *

Go ahead.

I do not even care
about that one.

[groans]
It was my favorite.

* *

[phone ringing]

Ugh.

Hello.

- Haven't heard from you
for a couple of days.

How's everything going?

- Oh, I have it
all under control.

Too much good to say
in one phone call.

[laughs nervously]

- [sighs]

- You're not gonna tell him
about the Darling Project?

- That's strictly need to know,
and he doesn't.

You can go.

- When someone you love
is taken away from you,

everything changes.

It is a loss
that stays with you forever.

[soft music]

* *

- When I came to Earth,
I was unique.

I was superior.

But living as a human
is making me weaker.

I am not
two halves smarter now.

- * Hitch up your saddle,
boy *

* It's nothing *

- Humans do stupid things
all the time.

- [gasps]

- * All those things
I told you *

* Still ringing in your head *

- It is like
their national sport.

- * Shake that dust
off your boots *

* And tip your hat
to the wind *

- Joseph is right.
I have failed my mission.

I have failed to find out
why he's here.

I wasted precious time on him
and put Asta in danger.

I am not special. I am a...

- Hey, are you busy?

- Yes, I'm in the middle
of a thought.

Failure.

What do you want?

- Well, I was hoping

that you could take a look
at my foot.

- No, sorry, I do not have
internet foot kink money.

- No, no, as a doctor.

See I--see, I have this bump,

and, yeah,
it's probably nothing,

but I just want
to get it checked out.

- Where did you get this?

- Oh, I don't know.

I've had it since I was a kid.

Oh.

- I do know.

This embedded chip means
he has been abducted by Greys.

I have been trying to learn
what the Greys are doing

on Earth, and perhaps
the answer has been

in Mayor Snowflake's foot
all along.

I need to hypnotize you.

To determine the origin
of this disfiguration.

- Can't you just remove it?

- Yes, but we're
out of anesthetic.

- Hypnosis is fine.

- Listen only to the sound
of my voice.

When you wake up, you will
remember nothing of this.

But you will still pay me
for the hour.

Now, tell me everything
that you remember

from your last abduction.

- There was...

a lot of floating.

Floating down a hallway.

I'm cold. I hate it here.

Oh, God, I feel sick.

- OK.
I don't care about--about that.

Tell me something I can use.

- [breathing shakily]

I'm passing a--

[tense music]

I'm passing a doorway.

- What's through the doorway?

- I don't know.
I think there's a--

I think there's a map.

- What is on the map?

- Mm.

[stammering]
I can't--I can't see it.

I--oh, God, I'm scared.

[breathing shakily]

Please, I--
I gotta get out of here.

I don't want to be here.
I want to go home.

- I need you to listen to me.

This is important.

Just tell me what you see.

What do you see?
- [whimpers]

- I need to know what these
beings are doing on Earth.

- There's all these shoes.

There's all these
children's shoes.

- Oh.

- There's--there's something.

It's a--a souvenir maybe?

A snow globe that says...

* *

Yellowstone.

- Yellowstone?

[exhales]

Yes.

When I snap my fingers,
you will wake up

and you will remember nothing.

In three, two, one.