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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,814 --> 00:00:04,691 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,862 --> 00:00:08,031 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,032 --> 00:00:11,369 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,535 --> 00:00:14,163 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,997 --> 00:00:17,625 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:21,462 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,587 --> 00:00:23,005 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,104 --> 00:00:24,813 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:30,037 ♪ He's a family guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,602 --> 00:00:38,770 Okay, now remember, Lois, the school likes to blame 11 00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:40,856 the kids' bad grades on trouble at home. 12 00:00:40,981 --> 00:00:43,066 So when we get in the parent teacher conference, 13 00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:45,402 it can't seem like there's any cracks in our marriage. 14 00:00:45,403 --> 00:00:47,487 Peter, this isn't a parent teacher conference, 15 00:00:47,488 --> 00:00:49,406 - it's a fundraiser... - Here we go again! 16 00:00:49,407 --> 00:00:51,366 Let me punch your shrew card, Lois. 17 00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:53,409 Because the tenth nag is free! 18 00:00:53,410 --> 00:00:57,205 "Welcome to an hour of squeaks and echoes in the gym." 19 00:00:57,206 --> 00:00:58,833 Gym, gym, gym. 20 00:00:59,291 --> 00:01:01,793 Huh, I guess they're selling all the music department 21 00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:04,046 instruments to raise money. Typical. 22 00:01:04,171 --> 00:01:07,507 They always cut the arts programs but never any sports. 23 00:01:07,508 --> 00:01:09,426 Actually, they canceled field hockey. 24 00:01:09,427 --> 00:01:11,052 See? They're selling the old uniforms. 25 00:01:11,053 --> 00:01:12,512 And what vintage is this one? 26 00:01:12,513 --> 00:01:15,432 A 2022 Junior Varsity, sir. 27 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:16,766 Mm. Excellent year. 28 00:01:16,767 --> 00:01:20,980 Sir, I'm gonna have my team cut it up and turn it into dinner napkins. 29 00:01:21,105 --> 00:01:23,898 Oh, Giuseppe, you are a wizard. 30 00:01:23,899 --> 00:01:27,068 Hello! I'm Mr. Campanale, the music teacher. 31 00:01:27,069 --> 00:01:30,405 Welcome to my "going-out of-business" woodwind sale. 32 00:01:30,406 --> 00:01:32,408 Everything must blow! 33 00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:34,827 Uh-ha, yes, that's very good. 34 00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:39,164 Uh, tell me, does your saxophone come with 35 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,958 the George Michael classic "Careless Whisper" on it? 36 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:45,503 With enough practice, this saxophone will play anything you like. 37 00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:46,671 Sweet! I'll take it. 38 00:01:46,672 --> 00:01:48,632 Great! How will you be paying today? 39 00:01:50,843 --> 00:01:52,761 Are you sure you should spend that? 40 00:01:52,887 --> 00:01:54,089 Oh yeah, there's still plenty in there 41 00:01:54,099 --> 00:01:56,265 for Meg to pay for online college. 42 00:01:57,975 --> 00:01:59,934 Have you ever dreamed of learning calculus 43 00:01:59,935 --> 00:02:01,644 on a crowded rush hour subway... 44 00:02:01,645 --> 00:02:04,814 Or pushing that thing IVs hang from around the hospital... 45 00:02:04,815 --> 00:02:07,901 Want to hug an old man at an ethnic family picnic? 46 00:02:07,902 --> 00:02:09,235 Whatever the dream... 47 00:02:09,236 --> 00:02:11,905 As long as it's not going to real college... 48 00:02:11,906 --> 00:02:14,324 Online college is here for you. 49 00:02:14,325 --> 00:02:15,617 Online college! 50 00:02:15,618 --> 00:02:17,912 If you had another choice, you'd make it. 51 00:02:21,415 --> 00:02:22,916 All right, everybody shut up. 52 00:02:23,189 --> 00:02:24,915 The masked singer is about to reveal 53 00:02:24,925 --> 00:02:26,920 who the big Gatorade-Bottle-Of-Pee is! 54 00:02:26,921 --> 00:02:30,215 They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for new costumes. 55 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:34,427 And your masked singer is... 56 00:02:34,428 --> 00:02:36,137 Wait, who'd they say? 57 00:02:36,138 --> 00:02:39,349 It's another D-Lister nobody can recognize my face alone. 58 00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:42,227 Damn it, Peter! Do you know how many hours of Ken Jeong 59 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:45,021 and his tiny jackets I tolerated for that moment? 60 00:02:45,022 --> 00:02:48,776 Sorry. In the future, I'll try not to be so... careless. 61 00:02:52,696 --> 00:02:54,948 God, he never thinks about others. 62 00:02:54,949 --> 00:02:56,908 Remember when he totally ruined our family 63 00:02:56,909 --> 00:02:58,576 Thanksgiving football game? 64 00:02:58,577 --> 00:03:00,662 Okay, we gotta go all tush-pushes. 65 00:03:00,663 --> 00:03:03,706 Hot niece I'm not related to by blood, you're the center. 66 00:03:03,707 --> 00:03:06,669 The rest of you, shove me into her as hard as you can. 67 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:10,046 So, I put the bottle down. 68 00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:12,590 But even though her family forgave me, 69 00:03:12,591 --> 00:03:14,343 I'll never forgive myself. 70 00:03:22,977 --> 00:03:24,102 Bravo! 71 00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,896 I knew these AA stories would be the perfect set-up 72 00:03:26,897 --> 00:03:29,357 for the guilty pain of "Careless Whisper". 73 00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:30,733 Okay, let's take it from the top 74 00:03:30,734 --> 00:03:32,026 with the guy who can only have 75 00:03:32,027 --> 00:03:34,113 supervised Panera visits with his kid. 76 00:04:04,435 --> 00:04:06,561 I'm so sorry for your loss. 77 00:04:06,562 --> 00:04:09,022 Now, this screen is gonna ask you a couple of questions. 78 00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:10,273 You want a tip? 79 00:04:10,274 --> 00:04:12,150 Add 35%? 80 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,570 You have to pick it 'cause it's the button in the middle. 81 00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:38,843 What the hell, Peter? 82 00:04:38,844 --> 00:04:42,430 This is the fifth night in a row you woke me up with that damn song. 83 00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:44,140 Your house is where the streetlight is. 84 00:04:44,141 --> 00:04:45,266 It's not my fault. 85 00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:46,559 Yeah, well, thanks a lot. 86 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,853 I was only having the best dream ever. 87 00:04:48,854 --> 00:04:50,938 Oh yeah? One of them that ends wet? 88 00:04:50,939 --> 00:04:54,192 No. Get this, I'm returning the lawn mower to Home Depot. 89 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:56,570 The workers were wearing blue but I still knew it was 90 00:04:56,695 --> 00:04:57,779 a Home Depot, 91 00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:59,114 dreams are weird like that. 92 00:04:59,239 --> 00:05:02,241 Anyway, they offer me cash instead of store credit. 93 00:05:02,242 --> 00:05:03,948 So I ask, "Are you sure? 94 00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:06,537 It's covered in grass, and I don't have a receipt." 95 00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:08,206 And then you know what Bud said... 96 00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:09,582 That was the guy's name, Bud, 97 00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:11,167 which is also my Dad's name so. 98 00:05:11,168 --> 00:05:12,997 Sir Carl Jung would have a field... 99 00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:14,295 field day with that one. 100 00:05:14,296 --> 00:05:15,797 Anyway, you know what he said? 101 00:05:15,798 --> 00:05:17,507 - No. - Me neither! 102 00:05:17,508 --> 00:05:20,635 Now go play inside so I can get back to sleep 103 00:05:20,636 --> 00:05:22,930 and see how this roller coaster ends. 104 00:05:24,264 --> 00:05:26,136 And before you go to bed, this screen 105 00:05:26,146 --> 00:05:28,060 is gonna ask you a couple of questions. 106 00:05:31,271 --> 00:05:33,231 Good game. Good game. 107 00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:35,233 Good game. Hey, nice assist back there. 108 00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:36,402 Good game. Good game. 109 00:05:36,527 --> 00:05:38,111 Hey, Quagmire, you got a minute? 110 00:05:38,112 --> 00:05:41,031 Sure, let me just violently wave my door a couple of times... 111 00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:43,783 Come on in. 112 00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:45,326 What am I gonna do, Quagmire? 113 00:05:45,327 --> 00:05:47,912 Peter's driving me nuts with that saxophone. 114 00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:49,997 Joseph, I realized a long time ago, 115 00:05:49,998 --> 00:05:51,916 you can't fight Peter's antics. 116 00:05:51,917 --> 00:05:53,626 The harder you resist the shenanigans, 117 00:05:53,627 --> 00:05:55,128 the shenannier they become. 118 00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:56,713 So what I did was put together 119 00:05:56,714 --> 00:05:58,506 the Peter Griffin Survival Kit. 120 00:05:58,507 --> 00:06:01,301 It's everything you need to make being his neighbor tolerable. 121 00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:04,470 I've got a variety of these different sized plugs... 122 00:06:04,471 --> 00:06:06,056 To put in your ears when he's loud? 123 00:06:06,181 --> 00:06:07,807 Yeah or, you know, anywhere they fit. 124 00:06:07,808 --> 00:06:09,308 And this tracks Peter's heart rate, 125 00:06:09,309 --> 00:06:11,228 so I can avoid him when he's overstimulated. 126 00:06:12,688 --> 00:06:14,939 That spike is when he found a frog the other day. 127 00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:16,983 Do you have anything to help me sleep? 128 00:06:16,984 --> 00:06:21,571 That doesn't involve putting your orifice plug in my ear, ideally. 129 00:06:21,572 --> 00:06:22,947 As a matter of fact, I do. 130 00:06:22,948 --> 00:06:25,908 These are powerful, unregulated sleeping pills. 131 00:06:25,909 --> 00:06:27,034 I got them in the Navy. 132 00:06:27,035 --> 00:06:29,746 They give these to all the guys who commit atrocious massacres 133 00:06:29,747 --> 00:06:31,789 and then have trouble sleeping. 134 00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:34,250 A caterpillar in March? 135 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,340 I'm coming! I'm coming! 136 00:06:41,341 --> 00:06:44,260 Angrily tying a bathrobe... 'cause I got woken up... 137 00:06:44,261 --> 00:06:47,139 Thanks again for those sleepy pills, Mr. Q. 138 00:06:47,347 --> 00:06:50,600 Front row tickets to the blanket show, baby. 139 00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:53,061 "Mr. Q?" What are you... Oh my God! 140 00:06:53,187 --> 00:06:54,520 Joe, you're walking! 141 00:06:54,521 --> 00:06:58,274 Walk it like I talk it and talk it like I walk it. 142 00:06:58,275 --> 00:06:59,859 Wait, are you. 143 00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:01,944 You're asleep! How is this possible? 144 00:07:01,945 --> 00:07:06,324 Well, I could tell you, but who needs a long, boring story. 145 00:07:06,325 --> 00:07:08,242 You're walking and self-aware? 146 00:07:08,243 --> 00:07:09,328 It's a miracle! 147 00:07:13,749 --> 00:07:14,874 What happened? 148 00:07:14,875 --> 00:07:16,502 What happened is you walked! 149 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:18,086 Oh my God, you're right! 150 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:20,797 I beat my record. 151 00:07:27,387 --> 00:07:28,513 All right, what do we got, 152 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,516 four middle-aged guys at the same appointment? 153 00:07:30,641 --> 00:07:32,391 I don't need to know how it got up there. 154 00:07:32,392 --> 00:07:34,143 Just tell me who I'm taking it out of. 155 00:07:34,144 --> 00:07:35,311 No, no! Doc, it's Joe! 156 00:07:35,312 --> 00:07:38,774 He took a super strong sleeping pill last night and sleepwalked! 157 00:07:38,899 --> 00:07:42,193 Well, people do display odd behavior under the influence of drugs 158 00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:45,071 like Ambien. Let me get somebody better suited to help. 159 00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:47,282 I got a code TB12 in room three. 160 00:07:47,407 --> 00:07:50,368 Hi, I'm pseudo-science expert and Tom Brady face-thinner-outer 161 00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:52,370 Doctor Alex Guerrero. 162 00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:54,038 Now, how can I help you gentlemen? 163 00:07:54,039 --> 00:07:55,414 I've been in a chair for years, 164 00:07:55,415 --> 00:07:58,584 but I took one of these last night and started walking. 165 00:07:58,585 --> 00:07:59,835 Interesting. 166 00:07:59,836 --> 00:08:02,296 Well, there must be a neurological explanation. 167 00:08:02,297 --> 00:08:04,924 So to get to the bottom of it, we'll have to use... 168 00:08:04,925 --> 00:08:07,093 - An MRI? - ... our imaginations! 169 00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:10,054 I think these pills put you in such a deep state of sleep, 170 00:08:10,055 --> 00:08:12,640 the damaged part of your spinal cord went offline. 171 00:08:12,641 --> 00:08:13,808 Then to compensate, 172 00:08:13,809 --> 00:08:18,188 an undamaged neural pathway activated allowing you to walk. 173 00:08:18,313 --> 00:08:20,606 So as long as Joe takes those pills, 174 00:08:20,607 --> 00:08:21,857 he can walk again, right? 175 00:08:21,858 --> 00:08:23,193 Yes, and no. 176 00:08:23,318 --> 00:08:25,778 His legs might work, but in that state, 177 00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:28,322 he'll have no access to his waking memory 178 00:08:28,323 --> 00:08:31,534 or the personality he's developed over the course of his life. 179 00:08:31,535 --> 00:08:34,871 So technically, it won't really be Joe who's walking. 180 00:08:34,997 --> 00:08:37,331 Well, now that you mention it, he was acting strange. 181 00:08:37,332 --> 00:08:39,876 He was super laid back and kind of cool! 182 00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:42,545 Well, during sleep, we're not preoccupied with the stress 183 00:08:42,546 --> 00:08:44,171 of our day to day lives. 184 00:08:44,172 --> 00:08:47,216 So for him to be very relaxed makes a lot of sense. 185 00:08:47,217 --> 00:08:49,302 Yeah, but does it though? 186 00:08:49,303 --> 00:08:52,305 If you want my opinion... and I cannot stress enough 187 00:08:52,306 --> 00:08:56,058 how uninformed it is... Joe should stay away from these pills. 188 00:08:56,059 --> 00:08:59,145 There's no telling what sort of negative side effects they might have. 189 00:08:59,146 --> 00:09:01,480 Well, guess it's back to my chair. 190 00:09:01,481 --> 00:09:03,024 Thanks for seeing me. 191 00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:05,359 My pleasure. Oh, you can make the co-pay out 192 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,403 to "Guerrero Shipping Solutions, LLC," 193 00:09:07,404 --> 00:09:11,408 and if anyone asks, this all took place in the state of Delaware. 194 00:09:14,328 --> 00:09:17,121 Coming up this month on Turner Classic Movies. 195 00:09:17,122 --> 00:09:21,627 Get a hold of yourself! 196 00:09:21,752 --> 00:09:23,336 Turner Classic Movies, 197 00:09:23,337 --> 00:09:26,797 if a woman gets slapped in black and white, we've got it. 198 00:09:26,798 --> 00:09:29,383 So, I was choring it up last Friday, 199 00:09:29,384 --> 00:09:31,261 buying new batteries for the smoke detector... 200 00:09:31,386 --> 00:09:32,553 Ho... Hold on, Joe. 201 00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:34,806 This anecdote sounds like it's turning into a story. 202 00:09:34,932 --> 00:09:36,515 Oh, it's a story alright. 203 00:09:36,516 --> 00:09:38,060 - Quagmire, story clock. - On it. 204 00:09:38,852 --> 00:09:40,770 Okay, you got 60 seconds, Joe. 205 00:09:40,771 --> 00:09:42,813 Come on, is that thing really necessary? 206 00:09:42,814 --> 00:09:44,066 You're using your time, Joe. 207 00:09:44,191 --> 00:09:45,691 Okay. Okay. Where was I... 208 00:09:45,692 --> 00:09:47,318 batteries for the smoke detector. 209 00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:49,278 So I get to the store and I'm like, "Shoot. 210 00:09:49,279 --> 00:09:51,864 There's A batteries, C batteries, and D batteries." 211 00:09:51,865 --> 00:09:54,659 And that got me to thinking where the heck are the B batteries? 212 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,410 Did they really skip B? 213 00:09:56,411 --> 00:09:58,955 I don't buy it, so I start digging. 214 00:09:58,956 --> 00:10:00,790 - Time! - Oh, that's not fair. 215 00:10:00,791 --> 00:10:03,293 Joe, if you talk any more, you're gonna put us all to sleep. 216 00:10:03,418 --> 00:10:05,462 Wish Joe was asleep. He was way more interesting. 217 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,422 Yeah, Joe, why don't you take another one of them sleeping pills? 218 00:10:08,423 --> 00:10:09,883 Maybe you'll sleepwalk again. 219 00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:11,300 What the hell. 220 00:10:11,301 --> 00:10:12,970 I guess one more time won't hurt. 221 00:10:22,187 --> 00:10:25,482 Uh-uh, hell no! This ain't part of God's plan. 222 00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:30,695 Holy crap, that's amazing! 223 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:31,988 That was my credit he played, 224 00:10:31,989 --> 00:10:33,698 and I'm not a huge Bob Marley guy, 225 00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:35,616 but otherwise, holy crap, that's amazing! 226 00:10:35,617 --> 00:10:38,327 So I'm thinking I'll have. a summer solstice party. 227 00:10:38,328 --> 00:10:41,373 Send the old' girl in the sky a big 'preesh for the vitamin D. 228 00:10:41,498 --> 00:10:42,873 You guys should check it out. 229 00:10:42,874 --> 00:10:44,625 And if you have any trouble getting in, 230 00:10:44,626 --> 00:10:48,295 just tell 'em you're with... Joey Goodtimes. 231 00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:50,340 - Can I bring a date? - No. 232 00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,051 Bring two. 233 00:10:53,885 --> 00:10:56,138 Man, sleepwalking Joe is awesome. 234 00:10:56,263 --> 00:10:58,848 That was my beer for which I've been waiting quite some time. 235 00:10:58,849 --> 00:11:00,976 But otherwise, sleepwalking Joe is awesome! 236 00:11:05,313 --> 00:11:06,939 Hey, some party, Joe! 237 00:11:06,940 --> 00:11:08,942 It's "Joey." Who's up for some food? 238 00:11:10,152 --> 00:11:12,778 Great. Nothing like the Joe Swanson special, 239 00:11:12,779 --> 00:11:16,198 a supermarket vegetable platter warmed by the sun. 240 00:11:16,199 --> 00:11:19,452 Here we are, gents. Bowl of Ruffles, two liter bottle of Coke. 241 00:11:19,453 --> 00:11:20,953 Pizza's on the way. 242 00:11:20,954 --> 00:11:22,288 - Wow! - No way! 243 00:11:22,289 --> 00:11:24,582 Donna says Cola makes me jumpy. 244 00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:27,711 Did y'all meet Bon-fire? I call her that 'cause she's smoking hot. 245 00:11:30,422 --> 00:11:33,841 Peter, give me a nickname that tells people I'm hot. 246 00:11:33,842 --> 00:11:36,302 I think everyone here has met. Dumpster-fire? 247 00:11:36,303 --> 00:11:38,179 - Peter! - It's 'cause of the hair! 248 00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:39,889 Jam band's starting, Bon-fire. 249 00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:42,684 Let's go dance like it's our first day in a human body. 250 00:11:43,477 --> 00:11:45,311 What the hell, Peter? 251 00:11:45,312 --> 00:11:48,648 Joe's unconscious, and he and Bonnie have a better sex life than we do. 252 00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:49,982 Lois, we've been over this. 253 00:11:49,983 --> 00:11:51,859 Once one of us agrees to shave it, 254 00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:53,236 we're back in business. 255 00:11:56,156 --> 00:11:58,532 Man, I had the best time at Joe's yesterday. 256 00:11:58,533 --> 00:12:02,912 You said it! Me and Donna ate some goofy mushrooms and then cried 257 00:12:02,913 --> 00:12:04,455 watching the sunrise. 258 00:12:04,456 --> 00:12:05,748 And good crying, 259 00:12:05,749 --> 00:12:08,085 not the-bank's-coming for-your-house crying. 260 00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:10,127 - Hey, there he is! - The King! 261 00:12:10,128 --> 00:12:12,463 We are very behind on our payments though. 262 00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:13,839 What are you guys talking about? 263 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,007 It's just me, Joe. 264 00:12:15,008 --> 00:12:16,801 We know! You sleepwalked again 265 00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,970 and threw the most epic party of all time! 266 00:12:19,096 --> 00:12:22,098 Yeah, why didn't you tell me a "free love tent" is just an orgy, 267 00:12:22,099 --> 00:12:23,934 minus condoms, plus B-O? 268 00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:25,684 Oh man, I had that at my party? 269 00:12:25,685 --> 00:12:27,770 I hope Bonnie didn't see. She'd kill me. 270 00:12:27,771 --> 00:12:29,396 Uh, Joe, Bonnie was in the tent. 271 00:12:29,397 --> 00:12:31,982 But don't worry, she didn't do anything with anybody but you. 272 00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:33,734 Even under-the-pants stuff? 273 00:12:33,735 --> 00:12:35,444 Well, I am done with those pills. 274 00:12:35,445 --> 00:12:38,572 Next time I get UTP action, I wanna be there. 275 00:12:38,573 --> 00:12:41,242 That's too bad 'cause Joey Goodtimes is the man. 276 00:12:41,243 --> 00:12:44,161 He's so popular, he already has his own Cameo account. 277 00:12:44,162 --> 00:12:46,247 Hey there "Peter Griffin"! 278 00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:47,839 Heard somebody's a little nervous about 279 00:12:47,849 --> 00:12:49,792 changing his clothes at Planet Fitness. 280 00:12:49,793 --> 00:12:51,416 Well, let me tell you there's no shame 281 00:12:51,426 --> 00:12:53,088 in your game, no matter how much... 282 00:12:53,338 --> 00:12:55,131 it turtles in front of a crowd. 283 00:12:55,132 --> 00:12:57,258 Are you coming back to bed, Joey? 284 00:12:57,259 --> 00:12:59,005 Yeah, just firing off some inspo to 285 00:12:59,015 --> 00:13:01,178 a fat idiot with big balls, baby carrot. 286 00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:03,557 It's like monster truck wheels on a Miata. 287 00:13:04,182 --> 00:13:06,726 You're, uh, still learning how to end the record. 288 00:13:10,188 --> 00:13:14,066 Hey, Bon, sorry I missed the big party yesterday but I was thinking 289 00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:17,946 we could recreate that magic with some Bosch and chill. 290 00:13:18,071 --> 00:13:19,488 Um, no, thanks. 291 00:13:19,489 --> 00:13:21,323 You sure? Doesn't have to be Bosch. 292 00:13:21,324 --> 00:13:24,077 Could be any one of those last name crime shows and chill. 293 00:13:24,202 --> 00:13:27,788 Bul? Luther? Longmire? Reacher? Will Trent? 294 00:13:27,789 --> 00:13:30,749 Which, I know, it's a first-name last-name crime show. 295 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:32,835 But what the hell, it's almost Friday. 296 00:13:32,836 --> 00:13:35,589 Just wake me up if you decide to fall asleep again. 297 00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:38,924 Bon-fire needs another log. 298 00:13:38,925 --> 00:13:40,509 Actually, with the drought we've had, 299 00:13:40,510 --> 00:13:43,095 we probably shouldn't be starting any more fires... 300 00:13:43,096 --> 00:13:44,180 Bon? 301 00:13:51,187 --> 00:13:53,565 When did we get so boring, Joe? 302 00:13:59,112 --> 00:14:00,279 Speak for yourself. 303 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,156 Joey Goodtimes and boring go together 304 00:14:02,157 --> 00:14:04,992 like peanut butter and jelly. I know you guys like that, 305 00:14:04,993 --> 00:14:08,996 but in the imaginary mirror universe, it's a gross combo. 306 00:14:08,997 --> 00:14:10,888 So tell me, when was the last time 307 00:14:10,898 --> 00:14:12,917 your friends were excited to see you? 308 00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:16,004 When was the last time Bonnie wanted you to come to bed? 309 00:14:16,630 --> 00:14:20,424 You're right. Bonnie and the guys deserve better. 310 00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:23,427 I have to go. Got a ketchup and tuna sandwich over here 311 00:14:23,428 --> 00:14:26,681 that ain't gonna eat itself. Again, mirror universe. 312 00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:41,488 Okay, Joey's back so let the good times walk. 313 00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,198 Wait, so I'm stuck in here now? 314 00:14:44,199 --> 00:14:46,451 Might as well see what all the fuss is about. 315 00:14:47,744 --> 00:14:50,705 He gets Bonnie, and I get a crappy mirror sandwich? 316 00:15:00,507 --> 00:15:04,385 I don't know where you get the energy after a night like that. 317 00:15:04,386 --> 00:15:05,637 Just get over here, babe. 318 00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:07,721 I'm gonna do you right on the counter 319 00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:09,723 where I prepped the raw chicken. 320 00:15:13,728 --> 00:15:15,980 Your boobs are so wet. 321 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,983 You're still holding the chicken breast. 322 00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:21,945 Oh. Well, in my defense, I am asleep. 323 00:15:30,412 --> 00:15:32,371 Good God! He hit it so far, 324 00:15:32,372 --> 00:15:35,417 they added a yellow tail so the viewers at home can enjoy it. 325 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,296 Alright, fellas, let's go. 326 00:15:41,297 --> 00:15:43,632 Good thing we don't need that golf cart anymore. 327 00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:46,969 We get to walk all 18 holes. 328 00:15:46,970 --> 00:15:49,514 Sheesh, I don't even walk the mini golf course. 329 00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:08,907 Hey, slowpokes, what do you want to drink? 330 00:16:08,908 --> 00:16:10,534 - Beer! - Pedialyte. 331 00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:12,037 We don't have Pedialyte. 332 00:16:12,162 --> 00:16:14,455 Don't worry, Cleveland, Joey's got ya. 333 00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:17,208 Ava, give me a warm ginger ale and a flat Sprite. 334 00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:19,376 Little trick I learned from nausea TikTok. 335 00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:20,878 My Apple Pay's on, 336 00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:22,672 you can just swipe my pocket, hun. 337 00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:30,263 Mmm... I can feel it coating my troubled innards. 338 00:16:30,513 --> 00:16:31,764 You know what? 339 00:16:31,765 --> 00:16:33,515 Gimme one of them clam chowders 340 00:16:33,516 --> 00:16:35,143 and a Baby Ruth. 341 00:16:37,187 --> 00:16:40,398 Okay, that's 17, but let's just call it 18 for legal reasons. 342 00:16:41,983 --> 00:16:44,068 And that's another 20 for me. 343 00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:47,197 I think it's the Asian half that makes Tiger Woods talented. 344 00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:52,493 Boy, I hope no ground hogs pop up and drag my ball into the hole. 345 00:16:53,661 --> 00:16:55,497 Because that would be terrible. 346 00:16:57,749 --> 00:16:59,458 Sounds like fun up there. Should we go? 347 00:16:59,459 --> 00:17:00,626 Honey? We can't. 348 00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:02,212 It's not February second. 349 00:17:02,337 --> 00:17:05,423 Uch! One day. Black people get a whole month. 350 00:17:05,548 --> 00:17:06,673 Gerald. Don't. 351 00:17:06,674 --> 00:17:08,550 What? Breast cancer gets a month. 352 00:17:08,551 --> 00:17:09,885 Mustaches get a month. 353 00:17:09,886 --> 00:17:11,762 Not masturbating gets a month! 354 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,806 Save it for your podcast, honey. 355 00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:20,187 I can't believe Joey stayed to play another round. 356 00:17:20,188 --> 00:17:23,398 Yeah, he said he wanted to get in 54. 357 00:17:23,399 --> 00:17:25,109 I can't even do that math. 358 00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:28,445 Not even I can get in that many holes, tired giggity. 359 00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:29,447 It's like he ditched us. 360 00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:32,241 Probably because you don't like to shower after a round. 361 00:17:32,242 --> 00:17:34,660 Yeah, I... I can smell you from here. 362 00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:36,037 I forgot my jelly shoes. 363 00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:38,080 It's important to wear them in the clubhouse 364 00:17:38,081 --> 00:17:39,791 because drainage in a public locker room... 365 00:17:39,916 --> 00:17:41,500 Alright, I'm starting the clock. 366 00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:43,127 Did you just "Joe" me? 367 00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:46,213 If anybody should be "Joe"-ing somebody, it should be me "Joe"-ing you. 368 00:17:46,214 --> 00:17:48,716 Don't you dare "Joe" me, you fat turd! 369 00:17:51,845 --> 00:17:54,596 Wait, guys, guys. Don't you realize what's happening? 370 00:17:54,597 --> 00:17:57,433 Every friend group needs to have a bottom friend. 371 00:17:57,434 --> 00:17:59,893 A guy who's doing way worse than all the rest of us. 372 00:17:59,894 --> 00:18:02,187 And we lost our bottom friend! 373 00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:04,982 Three Shirley Temples for that booth over there. 374 00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,401 You're right. Ever since Joe became awesome, 375 00:18:07,402 --> 00:18:10,070 the rest of us are just scrambling to stay off the bottom. 376 00:18:10,071 --> 00:18:13,490 Without Joe, we're like Oates, Messina and Garfunkel. 377 00:18:13,491 --> 00:18:15,909 Well, that's a funny cutaway we don't have time for. 378 00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:17,661 But we gotta get the old Joe back! 379 00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:19,496 From the gentleman at the bar. 380 00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:21,833 He told me to tell you, "Bottoms up". 381 00:18:30,049 --> 00:18:31,551 Hey, Joey, how'd you shoot? 382 00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:34,553 Oh, I don't keep score, but someone else did. 383 00:18:34,554 --> 00:18:35,597 Sixty-eight. 384 00:18:35,722 --> 00:18:37,598 Oh cool. Here's a question. 385 00:18:37,599 --> 00:18:39,975 Is Bermuda grass something you can grow anywhere, 386 00:18:39,976 --> 00:18:42,645 or is it like champagne and it has to come from there? 387 00:18:42,770 --> 00:18:44,355 Oh, that's a long, boring story 388 00:18:44,772 --> 00:18:46,274 that I have no desire to tell. 389 00:18:46,941 --> 00:18:49,360 Joey, is a AAA membership worth it? 390 00:18:51,112 --> 00:18:52,728 I'll have plenty of time to tell you that 391 00:18:52,738 --> 00:18:55,449 when I'm not waiting in line at the DMV. 392 00:18:55,450 --> 00:18:59,746 Or getting up to 40% off tickets to any participating AMC theater. 393 00:19:00,455 --> 00:19:02,831 Hey, whatever this is, knock it off! 394 00:19:02,832 --> 00:19:05,000 Hey, Joey, I can never remember, 395 00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:06,920 what group sings this song. 396 00:19:08,922 --> 00:19:10,005 ♪ Life is a highway ♪ 397 00:19:10,006 --> 00:19:11,673 ♪ I wanna ride it ♪ 398 00:19:11,674 --> 00:19:13,092 ♪ All night long ♪ 399 00:19:13,718 --> 00:19:15,719 Uh, actually, it's not a group, 400 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,054 it's a person. Tom Cochrane. 401 00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,556 A Canuck, no less... 402 00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:21,099 I know what you guys are doing! 403 00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:23,268 You're trying to get rid of Joey Goodtimes! 404 00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:25,896 Wheel to the light, Joe! We need you back. 405 00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:28,148 No! But I'm cool now! 406 00:19:28,149 --> 00:19:30,776 The old Joe was just a crippled punching bag! 407 00:19:30,777 --> 00:19:31,860 That's right. 408 00:19:31,861 --> 00:19:34,863 And he was our crippled punching bag and we miss him. 409 00:19:34,864 --> 00:19:38,116 Yeah, we thought we liked this Joe better, but we don't. 410 00:19:38,117 --> 00:19:40,369 That's right. The old Joe is the best Joe. 411 00:19:40,370 --> 00:19:41,870 I can't go back! 412 00:19:41,871 --> 00:19:43,622 I'll never go back! 413 00:19:43,623 --> 00:19:46,501 Fine. I didn't want to have to do this, but I will. 414 00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:50,505 Joe tell us why aren't there any B batteries? 415 00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:52,172 I... I won't! 416 00:19:52,173 --> 00:19:54,509 Why aren't there any B batteries? 417 00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:58,262 There are! There are B batteries. 418 00:19:58,263 --> 00:20:00,514 It's just electronics manufacturers favored 419 00:20:00,515 --> 00:20:03,016 the dimensions of the new double and triple As. 420 00:20:03,017 --> 00:20:05,310 We all know C and D found their niche 421 00:20:05,311 --> 00:20:06,979 in high drain situations, 422 00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:08,730 but B slowly disappeared. 423 00:20:08,731 --> 00:20:11,442 Except for European lanterns and bike lights! 424 00:20:13,152 --> 00:20:15,112 Joe, it's a miracle! 425 00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,281 You can't walk! 426 00:20:21,869 --> 00:20:23,996 And that's why Ralph Nader deemed it, 427 00:20:23,997 --> 00:20:25,706 "unsafe at any speed". 428 00:20:26,791 --> 00:20:29,793 Wow, that was so long and boring. 429 00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:31,545 It's nice to have you back, Joe. 430 00:20:31,546 --> 00:20:33,847 And I enjoy having the space on the booth 431 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,717 seat for my pocket bric-a-brac back. 432 00:20:35,842 --> 00:20:38,885 Hey, what did you end up doing with the rest of those pills I gave you? 433 00:20:38,886 --> 00:20:42,432 I dumped them in the 18th hole in honor of Joey Goodtimes. 434 00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:47,228 Oh, Gerald. What are you doing? 435 00:20:47,395 --> 00:20:49,605 Don't worry about what I'm doing, baby. 436 00:20:49,606 --> 00:20:51,607 Worry about what I'm about to do. 437 00:20:51,608 --> 00:20:55,445 I'm gonna turn Groundhog Day into poundhog day. 438 00:20:55,737 --> 00:20:59,198 Gerald, I'm cooking an acorn. 439 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:07,739 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 34396

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