All language subtitles for (2008) - S03E08 - Adele Week Two (1080p HMAX WEB-DL x265 Silence)

I feel that I'm growing intimate
with your outgoing message.

Anyway, Gina, it's Paul. Um...

not certain if you got
my last...

Oh, why wouldn't you
have gotten my last message?

In any event, I um,

I've yet to hear back from you.

And um, let's just say that um,

you've made
some pretty interesting

character choices in your novel.

Which I uh, I wanted to talk
to you about.

So, could you call me back,
please...

-so that I--

I um...

-Thank you for seeing me.
-Of course.

I know that I was a bit...

difficult the last time,

a bit reluctant to engage
in um...

Anyway, my--
my situation has changed.

My son Max... is living with me.

I arrived home
from our session last week

and he was sitting
on the doorstep.

He'd come up from Baltimore

on the train by himself
with his...

with his suitcase and um...

he was saying
that he wanted to live with me.

He's 12.

-That is quite a change.
-Mm-hmmm.

Of course, my ex-wife
is furious with me for--

for allowing him to stay
and for enrolling him in the--

in the wrong school,
and who knows

how many other transgressions.

How has it been for you
to have Max living in your home?

Um...

You spoke last time
about feeling alienated

from your children.

Well, it's been two years
since I lived with them.

And when I did, I--

I have to say that Kate
was more... primary

in-- in their lives,
at least in the...

the day-to-day stuff, yeah.

So this is the first time
you'll be playing that part.

Mm. Critical age, 12.

They're just on the edge of uh,
everything really.

Does that feel like
a lot of pressure?

I do-- I do feel pressure.
But not uh...

The other morning
I was passing the cereal to Max,

and uh...

my hand started to shake.
He didn't-- he didn't notice,

but, yeah,

as much as I want to have Max
with me,

at some point very soon uh,

I'm gonna have to tell him
about my illness that I...

that I have Parkinson's.

I just owe it to him
to do it correctly,

to discuss it with somebody
and to do it-- to do it right.

That's why I'm here.
That's why I came back.

I'm glad you did.

You had said
you were seeing a neurologist--

I also have to admit

that you were right
about something last week.

-Okay.
-You asked me

if I have someone to talk to,
who I confide in.

Well, I d-- I-- I don't really.

Wendy's becoming less and less
that person.

And now that Max
is living with me, I...

I've had to ban her
from staying over.

I, uh, well, what I mean is ask.
I've had to ask her

not to stay over
at my apartment.

Would she prefer
to stay with you?

She'd have her name
on the lease on Tuesday

if I'd agree to it.

And-- and a fridge
full of soy products.

She keeps asking to meet Max
and she...

she says she loves kids.
But I had to say no.

You know, I-- I just think
that he's so...

disturbed from-- from living
with Kate and her fiancé

that I just don't think
it's fair to put him

-in that position.
-Has Max talked to you

about being disturbed?

Oh, he's been begging me
for weeks to come live with me,

saying how much he hates Steve.

-Th-- that's the fiancé, Steve?
-Yes, yes.

You know what,
I actually expected my daughter,

Rosie, to have a harder time
living with him and Kate

but... she hasn't.

Why did you expect Rosie
to have a harder time?

'Cause we used to be... close.

Well, certainly closer than--
than-- than we are now, yeah.

Are you equally worried
to talk with her

-about your medical--
-You were also right

about something else last week.

-Oh, what's that?
-About Gina Toll.

You questioned
her professional judgment

last week. I defended her.

Now that I've been reading
her new book,

I have to say that you were,
you were right.

You're not enjoying the book?

She's revealed herself to be
completely indiscreet,

utterly selfish.

In my opinion, she should
have her license revoked.

So, you were right.

Is it easier for you
to justify coming here

if you think of Gina as selfish
and me as right?

Excuse me?

Last week you had real doubts
about me.

This week you're telling me
I'm right about quite a lot.

Jesus Christ,
some people really have

a hard time taking a compliment.

Look, you were right about her.
I don't know how else to say it.

It took you 30 minutes
to discern something about Gina

that I apparently was blind to
for 25 years.

While I was chatting away
about my problems,

she was contriving the basis
of one of the most

miserable characters
that I have ev--

ever encountered in a novel.

Like-- Like the demon spawn
of Bartleby and Shylock,

this depressive,
groveling outcast.

It's just despicable.

She's despicable.

And now she's avoiding
my phone calls.

She won't return my messages.

-You seem quite convinced.
-And if you read the book,

it's perfectly obvious.

The guy
is an associate professor

at an east coast college.

Repeatedly denied tenure
by the chairwoman

of the department.

Gina Toll famously denied me
the opportunity to head up

the Psychoanalytic Institute.

So, in the novel she--
she describes this guy

as obsessed with his students,

their academic work, but their--
their personal lives

so much so that he ignores
his real relationship,

the lovely wife
and the two kids.

In one bit she-- she says,

that this guy
is self-sabotaging,

self-defeating,

that he's in a prison
of his own making.

She even calls the guy John,

as if she needed
to be more overt

about who she's attacking.
John was my father's name.

-John?
-Yeah.

You're reading this
as a personal attack.

You don't believe me?

I don't know what Gina's doing
or not doing.

I am much more interested
in how certain you seem to be

that she's based
one of her main characters

-on you.
-Do you---

Do you think I'm making this up?

Can you tell me which part
of what she wrote

-is most upsetting?
-All of it.

The whole lot of it. Everything.

There aren't specific passages
in it that stand out for you?

You mentioned in particular
the phrases

self-defeating, self-sabotaging.

-Can you tell me about--
-No, I can't.

Listen, le-- let-- let's just--
let's just move on from that.

There's-- there's nothing
to be done.

It's not a question
of whether there's something

-to be done or not.
-Look, I just don't want to talk

about Gina Toll anymore.
I'll finish reading the book.

And then if you like, we could--

we could get back to it
next week.

-Can you explain one--
-Please, you know what? I...

-Is your hand bothering you?
-No.

Earlier you said
you're concerned about

how best to tell Max
you have Parkinson's.

Mm-hmm.

You mentioned last week
you're seeing a neurologist?

Yes.

-Did you see a neurologist?
-Mm-hmm.

You seem reluctant to tell me
what the doctor said.

Oh, I mean, you--
you go to a top specialist,

Cornell's fancy new wing,
state of the art.

You think he'd at least order
a-- a CAT Scan or an MRI.

-He didn't do that?
-He asked me to touch my nose.

Walk down the hall.
Hop on one foot.

And? How was that?

I touched my nose, I walked,
I hopped

then he told me that Parkinson's
is a hard disease to diagnose,

that they misdiagnose
30 percent of the time.

He said the scans
can't really tell you anything

until the later stages.

But for you at this point
he thought--

He thought, after our,
low-tech encounter,

that I'm not exhibiting
enough symptoms

for a positive diagnosis.

He said we'd have to wait
and see.

You don't seem
terribly relieved.

I was so fucking relieved,
I actually called up Wendy

and asked her out for sushi.

She seemed shocked.

She kept remarking
about how up I seemed.

So we sat down to lunch
and I thought to myself, wow.

Here I am,
opposite this beautiful,

fun woman.

I found myself wondering
why I ever doubted her.

Sounds as if the doctor's visit
had a significant effect.

Yeah, it did
for about 20 minutes

and then the food arrived.

If you're worried
about your hand shaking,

don't hold a piece of fish
between two ten inch

sticks of wood.

I have an, uh,
I have an appointment in, uh--

in two weeks. I'm--
I'm gonna get a second opinion.

You're seeing
another neurologist?

Yes.

Well, I've had these symptoms
for four months

and they're not getting
any better.

It runs in my family.
I think I owe myself

a second opinion.

Don't tell me you disagree.

If it will make you
more comfortable

to get a second opinion,
that's probably something

you should do.

You're genuinely frightened
about being sick.

How has your sleep been
this week?

Do you wake up thinking
about all this?

I take uh, I take a pill
and um...

Are you still waking up
after several hours?

Mm-hmm.

Are you still having
the same dream?

Yes.

What? Are you hoping
for another compliment?

-Sorry?
-Another compliment to reject?

-I-- I'm not sure--
-Are you hoping I'll tell you

that your theory was right,

that my dream contains images
of entrapment and paralysis?

That's--
that's what you asked me

at the end of last week.

-Does it?
-Not that it was such

a terribly difficult guess
to make,

but yeah.

So, go ahead, make a note
in your, in your book,

"Patient continues
to lionize therapist

to justify replacement
of long-term analyst."

I'll make a mental note.

Sounds good.

Will you tell me
what you've been dreaming?

I'm... I'm running

along the outside of this...

tall wrought-iron fence.

Um, I'm outside,
it's-- it's a field,

daytime, really bright.

The fence starts to curve

and I-- I can sense
this opening up ahead.

Gates.

And I have
this tremendous feeling

of excitement. I'm...

My heart is thumping.
I-- I have this anticipation

and then, my legs just...

they get, they get heavy,
and I'm slowing down

as if I'm stuck in...

in quicksand.

And I can't move.

I-- I sense something behind me
and I...

I turn my head and...

it's my father.

He's-- he's walking towards me.
I-- I'm paralyzed.

He's coming closer
and he's lurching...

towards me.

And...

and then I wake up with a start.
I just startle awake.

Been having that dream
for months.

Since just after
the symptoms started.

I um...

think I'm becoming my father.

Being overtaken by him.

I've tried my best to ignore
the symptoms of the disease,

the coming paralysis.

Then I have the dream again
and...

I-- it's, it's clear to me
what--

what it's communicating.

I just can't...

I can't ignore it anymore.

Woke up the other night.
I-- I went to check on Max.

Watched him sleep.

I just can't bear the thought

of what I might be passing
on to him.

Besides the physical issues,
are there personal traits

you worry about passing on
to your children?

What?
Parkinson's isn't enough?

I asked you before but you--
you didn't answer. Um...

how has your relationship been
with Max since he arrived?

It's been a full week.

Honestly...

I've been... I've been worried
about him.

He just has his head
in his sketchbook

eight hours a day.
He's got this

leather-grade callus

on his fingers
from where he grips the pen.

What are his drawings like?

Gloomy, abstract,
vaguely violent.

My--

my teenage patient Jesse,
happened to see him

in the hallway
outside my apartment.

He said he seemed sad,

headed for a world of pain.

It's hard to hear him
describe Max like that?

Yes, it was.

Jesse's been trying to get me

to ask his social worker
out on a date.

Says she's sad, just like me.

-Is that how you see yourself?
-As sad? Why do you ask?

Why, do you think of me
as chipper?

Could that be
what you're worried about

passing on to Max?

Well, I hope
that he's happier than I am.

And healthier.

But, you see,
you have to understand,

that-- that's a major part
of it, being sick.

But the burden
I'll be placing on them.

Not so easy to be happy

when you got that
dragging you down.

Dragging me down.
That's very similar

to how you described yourself
in the dream.

You feel this weight
in your dream

is connected to the Parkinson's.

I'm being pursued by my father,
overtaken by his illness.

That's one interpretation.

You described yourself
as running along

a wrought-iron fence...

in a field.

Do you have any associations
with that place,

where you might be?

-The feeling you describe--
-I'm just--

I'm-- I'm just running.
I-- I-- I--

As I said, I feel excited.
There's this feeling of...

I don't know, possibility.

And my father stops me,
just like he did in life.

And he's doing it now
with my genetic inheritance.

I'm struck by the fact
that you...

become stuck, begin to slow

before you turn
and see your father approaching.

-What do you mean, before?
-Well, that's what you said.

I'm wondering
if you have some agency

in stopping yourself
from moving forward.

I'm slowing down.
I'm-- I'm dragged down.

Then I turn and I see,
it's my father who's doing it.

It angers you when I ask you
about your role in this.

You were also disturbed
by what you take to be

Gina's account of you
as self-defeating,

self-sabotaging.

Look, any shrink will tell you
that a patient

is the author of his own life.
Of course.

Of course that's true.

You may now proceed
to second-year graduate studies

in human psychology.

But if you'll also recall

some of your coursework
in medical school,

you'll remember
that you can't deny the fact

that certain diseases
are inherited.

I've inherited this illness
from my father.

It's been forced on me.
I didn't ask

to have Parkinson's.
I didn't ask to be sick.

Do you think about
what your life might become

if you do have Parkinson's?

Of course I do. Every day.

What do you envision?

I mean, what would your
day-to-day life be like?

I don't know.
Probably something very similar

to what it held for my father.

I'd be less and less able
to leave the house.

Less and less able
to take care of myself.

Eventually, I'd need care
in my own home.

Then in the final stages
I'd be lifted up and carried off

to a nursing home
still in my fucking chair,

given round,
round-the-clock care.

Like an infant in diapers
and a bib.

Is there anything
that feels comforting to you

in that fantasy?

Fantasy? Is that a joke?

Does it seem significant to you
that you chose

the image of an infant
being cared for,

as your notion
of what it would be like

-to be sick?
-Uh, no, but it--

it-- it clearly does to you.

I am a grown man.

The idea of being swaddled
and wiped and burped

doesn't fall under
the most attractive scenarios

for the majority of adult men.

We're not talking about
the majority of adult men.

-We're talking about you.
-Precisely.

Well, why the fuck
would I want

to have Parkinson's disease?

Why on earth
would I find that comforting?

This is why I should've been
more diligent

in finding a therapist
with a bit of life experience.

You feel free to propose
these absurd theories

because you really don't have
any idea

about what aging feels like.

Watching your body fall apart.

You have no idea what that is.

And you have no idea
that just around the next corner

might be complete disability.

Might be the beginning
of a very short road to death.

You're 57 years old, not 80.

You were told this week
by a qualified neurologist

that you probably
don't have Parkinson's--

He said that we would have
to wait and see.

And yet you continue
to be invested

in this possibility that you do.

I'm trying to understand why.

You've been to see
two doctors this week,

including me.
You have plans to see a third.

Do you find it comforting
to be cared for...

protected in this way?

Can you tell me
what it is you feel

these doctors
are protecting you from?

I'm sick.
There are doctors out there

-who help you when you're sick.
-I understand.

If it turns out you are ill,
I'll be here for you,

as long as you want to talk
with me.

Okay.

I think uh, we're out of time.

Will you tell me something
before we finish?

Mm.

The beginning of your dream,

you described it quite vividly
that excitement,

the feeling of openness,
possibility.

When was the last time
you felt that?

Can you remember?

Truthfully... no idea.

-Will you tell me something?
-Sure.

So, when I was talking
about Gina's book earlier on,

you seemed to know
the reference I was making

when I said that...

the character was like Bartleby.

Did you?

Why is it important to you
to know if--

Because I like to be understood.

I need to know that when...

when I'm talking to somebody
that...

they understand me.

They understand what I'm saying.

Do you know
who I was talking about?

The Scrivener.

I gave Wendy this book uh,
the first week that we met.

It's called
The Memory of Running.

She hasn't read it yet.

But uh, she still thinks
it's about running.

It's not?

Have a good week.