All language subtitles for EPORNER.COM - [WCtGctfpc1X] HOUSE OF GOD (720)

Tremendous. Outrageous. Great.

Fantastic.

Oh, true. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Excuse me.

My gum was in front of you.

How did you know that was yours?

Five. Five seats in. Five's my lucky
number. You American?

Most of the time. Want a no frills?

What's a no frills?

Five bucks for a handjob.

Could we be a little less public?

Fifty bucks. One hour. Make it a little
less.

Okay, $35.

Good. And $10 for the room.

And $5 for the soap and towel.

Well, that's $50.

Take it or leave it.

Deal. I'll meet you outside in 10
minutes. 10 minutes?

Mm -hmm, 10 minutes. I have to meet
Napoleon.

Napoleon.

Napoleon!

Hi, you're right on time.

You want the private room?

Nope, nothing less. One hundred francs.

Listen, I do a straight fuck.

I don't take it in the mouth. I don't
take it in the ass. And I don't take it

the bed.

Straight fuck.

But I do a terrific handjob. That
appeals to you more?

If you take a handjob, I'll give you ten
dollars back.

What would you give back if you didn't
have to do anything at all?

Are you one of those freaks from the
embassy?

No, I'd just like to ask you a few
questions. Yeah?

Like what? Well, for instance, at what
price would you agree to suck someone

off? I clean floors first.

Then we can safely assume that... There
are a lot of people in this world.

And some dig it. And some don't. Would
you show me your asshole?

What? Do you leave your bathroom door
open when you have guests?

You can get the fuck out of here. Be
hasty.

Sounds familiar.

Huh?

God, it's Geraldine.

Geraldine! Seymour!

What the fuck are you doing in Paris?

Paris is the only place to recover from
a Lawrence Lehman party. I was there.

Were you there?

Oh, God.

Actually, I don't remember if I was at
the party.

But I should have been.

Are you through here? No, come with me.
Look, this is something you really will

not believe.

My little temptress, this is Geraldine
Rich, who is both very Geraldine and

rich. And she would like you to give her
some help. Oh, my God. Just a little

suck between strangers.

Stop saying that.

You're the most disgusting pair I've met
since I started making money in this

business. You should return every penny
you've made since you started in this

business. Or give a rebate like the car
companies.

I do my job. You do?

My dear, you are the absolute nadir of
passion.

The most unexciting thing God has ever
created.

A sexual civil service worker. Nobody
needs to read my last book more or

deserves to be in my next book less than
you.

What book is that?

The Anals of Passion.

I'll send you a copy.

You don't know my address.

I'll send it to the seat in the movie
theater.

Oh, Seymour.

She's only trying to get ahead in the
world.

Does your book really work?

You may be the... Seymour, help. her.

Well, I could if anybody could. I could
make her the goldenrod girl. The

goldenrod girl? Seymour, you go too far.

No, I could do it. The love lessons
could do it. Do what?

Make you Lawrence Lehman's old lady at
the next party he throws.

Who's Lawrence Lehman? Oh, you're off to
a good start, Seymour. I could do it.

Bet you.

What? My soul, Dr. Love, and my
commitment to publish the results.

You're on.

You want a job?

There's something about you that's not
quite right. I don't know.

Okay.

See you in the movies.

Bye, Subsea Popcorn.

What's your name?

Misty Beethoven.

Is that your real name?

No, it's not.

I took it to sound more important.

What was it before?

Dolores Beethoven.

I should have guessed.

Well, I hope you like flying.

Who gets the vodka?

I do.

And the Bloody Mary?

Right.

It'll be strange to be back in the
States.

First trip? Excuse me.

Do you think the pilot would give me
some head?

I don't know. I'll ask him as soon as
we're through with the dinner service.

Thank you.

Well, you're going to learn a lot from
this trip.

Now, the goldenrod girl is the invention
of Lawrence Lehman.

Unlike some titles like Cunt of the Year
or Ball Breaker of the Century, the

Goldenrod Girl is chosen informally and
spontaneously.

Now, sometime during the next three or
four months, the period will begin where

he's going to want to make some kind of
a splash. So, he'll announce the most

exciting new girl of the season.

Usually a jet setter, sometimes a man.

Once they had a politician's daughter,
but that's very rare.

I think that the time is right for a
complete unknown.

That's me, huh?

No. No?

No. It will be you.

Okay, let's get you undressed.

No, no, no. You don't do it yourself.

You don't know how, for one thing.

And for another thing...

When a man undresses a woman, he gets a
certain amount of pleasure from that.

Or if she undresses solely for him, he
gets a certain amount of pleasure from

that also.

Misty, it is your job to learn to
develop in yourself the instinct to

trivial act, a mundane routine, a daily
chore into something stimulating,

creative, and above all, communicative.

I think men stink.

Well, They think you stink.

In fact, it's one of the most perfectly
balanced equations in nature.

Whenever you see that, it's a triumph.

You say to yourself, look, I made that.

It comes at my request.

It's my pride.

And sometimes a woman has to swallow her
pride.

Can you make a man come when you want?

I think so.

Well, you're going to make three men
come simultaneously.

Ooh.

Why? It'll give you confidence.

erotic impulse is like rain, and as it
seeps down the water table of sexual

custom, it becomes less intoxicating and
less potent.

It seeps down, social class by social
class, floor by floor, step by step,

it reaches the basement.

Fuck you.

Nope. Fuck them.

You see, never forget the cardinal rule.

As Hyman Mandel once said,

Never let the fact that they are doing
it wrong stop you from doing it right.

Who is Hyman Mandel?

I don't know.

I read that on the men's room wall at
the New York Athletic Club.

Misty, now remember, most women stop
sucking at the moment of orgasm.

That, however, is when the real woman
just begins to suck.

And one and two and in and out.

When do we show her?

Soon. But not too soon.

Remember, the play is the thing we're in
to catch the hard -on of the king.

Lawrence Lehman. The man who gave the
world the magazine goldenrod.

Right where it deserves.

You know you're selfish.

You know you're self -obsessed.

You know you're an egomaniac.

You know your magazine dink.

You know you're not as bright as
everyone thinks you are.

You know you're not so talented.

You know you have a gray hair.

A gray hair? What the fuck are you
talking about? I got a gray hair where?

You know, she did okay.

What's the artful Dodger thinking of
now?

Get to the battle early.

Nelson said that.

Lord Nelson?

No, Nelson Eddy in Norte Marietta.

Why get to the battle early?

So you can leave early.

How do I know?

Let's go to Rome.

We can stay at my place.

Oh, I can confirm your return on that
date. That's wonderful.

The destination is New York, and that's
first class?

Correct. Which part of first class? Sex
or non -sex?

Sex. First class, sex, non -smoking, or
first class, sex, smoking?

First class, sex, non -smoking. First
class, sex, non -smoking, adult film, or

first class, sex, non -smoking, family
film?

Or first -class sex, non -smoking, adult
film?

First -class sex, non -smoking, adult
film, vegetarian, kosher, or regular

meals? Regular meals.

Are you a fucker or mostly interested in
a little head?

Just a little head.

Very good.

That's three seats, Cascade Flight 111,
destination New York.

First -class sex, non -smoking, adult
film, no special meals.

interested in a little head and a lot of
pleasure.

Happy landing. Bye.

Okay, let's see. We had wine with
dinner, a brandy, two blowjobs and a

right?

Excuse me, but I had one blowjob and I
haven't gotten my brandy yet.

Oh, okay.

Look, you've charged him here for two
blowjobs and a brandy. Now, he's only

one blowjob, and he hasn't gotten his
brandy. Oh, excuse me. Just let me get

of these things, okay?

Uh, madam?

Excuse me. Uh, madam?

Madam?

Madam?

Yes? Are you holding a first class
ticket?

No, as a matter of fact, I'm not.

I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to
return to the coach section.

Could you wait one minute, please?

Passengers holding coach tickets are
permitted in the first class cabin only

before takeoff and after landing.

Rules are rules.

Pilot's wife or no pilot's wife.

Where are we staying?

Geraldine's Little Shack in the country.

What's the biggest difference between
New York and Rome?

There aren't as many Italians in Rome.

It's home.

Seymour, when do you want the car?

Six o 'clock tomorrow.

Uh, Misty?

Misty, in order to be something
sexually, it is absolutely necessary to

being nothing sexually.

Like my Napoleon?

We're not even going to talk about that.

Now, the important thing is that you
learn to concentrate on what you're

That's why tomorrow night I don't want
you to say a word. Is that important?

Misty. Do you know why people have
unsatisfactory sexual relations?

No. Because they talk too goddamn much.

And they say the wrong thing.

They turn somebody on and then
immediately they turn them off.

We don't want to make that mistake with
you.

So tomorrow night, I don't want you to
open your mouth.

You don't?

Well, you know what I mean.

Tomorrow night, you're going out to the
ballet with some delightful people.

You know how I hate being late anywhere.

Oh, please.

You could have gotten home 30 minutes
sooner. You didn't have to putz around

that way.

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

I should have picked him up by now. Nice
meeting you.

Hello, girl.

Don't talk with your mouth full.

They should be at the opera house.

Now, Alfredo Spontini is a man who, when
he wants to get off, wants to get off

right away, no matter where he happens
to be.

But he has a special problem. He has
difficulty sustaining his excitement.

And right now they should be in the
toilet.

I haven't ever seen anything so shocking
in all my life.

Don't you young people have any respect
for others anymore?

I never would have done such a thing
when I was your age. I would have had

consideration for other people.

Why? He couldn't control himself. I
would have sucked him off in the

booth.

Did you hear what

happened at the ballet in Rome the other
night?

Oh, what happened?

This girl did a number with Alfredo
Spantini in the toilet.

Oh, you don't say.

Everybody in Rome is talking about it.
Oh, you know how they exactly are. Quite

shocking. I hear she swings both ways.
So what? My wife fucked the maid for

years. It never affected her
relationship with her lover. Who is she?

she's new.

Her name is... Misty Beethoven.

So long.

Have you ever heard of a girl named
Misty Beethoven?

No. Why?

Xavier Bernstein said that she freaked
everyone at the Firebird in Rome Monday

night. Yeah?

Yes, matinee and evening performances.

So who the fuck is she?

Misty Beethoven is getting her name in
the paper.

They're talking about Misty Beethoven.

They're talking about Misty Beethoven.
It says here that Misty Beethoven is the

perfect example of an over -sexed
Capricorn. Misty Beethoven?

Yes, the new cunt on the scene.

Give me a rundown. Hey, did you hear
Misty Beethoven was born on the

international date line and only three
astrologists in the world can do her

chart? And she has a compulsion to be
sexually satisfied wherever she happens

be. She must be a Scorpio.

Scorpio? A Scorpio is usually frigid. It
says here that Misty Beethoven is a

perfect example of an Aquarius.

Aquarius?

Aquarians take it in the ass, don't
they?

Of course they do, you romantic fool. Of
course they do.

So what did you find out about her?

Well... Sandra Bromowitz thinks she may
be from Belgium.

I'll never get this.

Who on earth is she?

I don't know. I've heard that her
mother's Hungarian.

Hungarian? It's getting better.

I think she's ready.

To venture out into the world and
simultaneously at the very same moment

her fingers leaving her hands both game
and fuck at the same time.

Stupendous, Dr. Love. Want a pet?

You're on.

Who is she going to ball?

She is going to ball an impotent man.

I'm leaving.

She's not up to that.

Well, maybe not. But let's hope she's
down to it.

I know I'll blow it.

Well said, my dear.

But don't worry.

It may look like we're rushing things a
bit.

But the fact is, if you're going to walk
and talk at the same time, it's

necessary that we find somebody that...
If you do fall on your ass, it won't

make any difference.

Sounds like my first husband.

The target is in Europe at the moment.

Who is it?

Guess.

Shankar Shek.

No, he's dead. It's someone who's really
rather attractive for an impotent man.

Very straight and square.

Hasn't even visited the closet yet.

Have you got it?

Not a suspicion.

I'll give you one more hint.

Geneva.

Textiles?

Well?

Oh, my God!

Where is it?

I know a lot of people. Why must it be
him? Yeah, why him?

It will excite Misty. If she lives.

How on earth are you going to pull it
off?

I'm going to plan it.

That's how.

Tanya, favorite of favorites.

Seymour, how lovely.

I was in the neighborhood.

You look well, Seymour. I feel well,
thanks.

How many years has it been?

Four, I think.

We had fun.

Say we had fun.

We had fun. Yes, that's true. We had
fun.

Most of what I bullshit people with I
learn from you. We learn from each

Give me a kiss.

Oh, I have a matinee today.

And I have a show to do this afternoon.

Oh, you have so much work.

So much work.

You look tired.

I feel tired.

Very tired.

Very tired.

Very tired.

Oh, yes. Very tired.

You need a trip.

I need a trip.

You need a trip.

Where?

Geneva. How much?

The instructions are in the envelope.

If for any reason you can't take this
assignment, I shall personally self

-destruct before your very eyes.

Now find an excuse to gain entry.

Photograph the layout of our prospective
target.

This will allow Misty to feel at home
the first time she's there.

In my opinion, they'll probably wind up
on the floor.

Well, what do you think of my plan?

You are mistaken.

Grant me one thing.

What's that?

I'm not saying it can be done.

How dare you?

But I am saying that if anyone can do
it, we can do it. You're forgiven.

And absolutely right.

Now, the instructions on the tape can be
transmitted easily.

and therefore can be meticulously
followed. What's the tape going to say,

Seymour? Do you have to order a special,
or do you have it in stock?

Everything here is custom -made.

Nothing is off the rack.

Tanya, how are you at speaking into a
microphone?

Why, you know I've made 13 films.

Most of them in Super 8. You hold this.

Take down every word. It's audio -visual
time.

The bringing out of a difficult man.

Sound only.

Take one.

Give her some body contact.

Body contact.

Now keep after her.

I'm after you.

Find an excuse to touch him.

Say, sir, there's something in your eye.

Sir, you have something in your eye. Now
he'll probably get uncomfortable and

change his position. Turn that to your
advantage and move in on him.

I'm moving in on you.

Give her a little kiss.

just a touch.

I'm kissing you a little harder.

Slowly kiss it.

Run your tongue over his nipple.

I'm going to kiss his other nipple.

I'm going to suck your cock.

Lick the side of his cock.

Lick his cock.

Suck it.

The inside of a ripe mango.

I'm going to lick your cock like the
insides of a ripe mango.

Ripe mango.

Take two.

I'm looking ahead of your call.

Why not do the sequel right now?

Thank you.

Wow.

It's almost here.

I didn't call it in five hours.

Nervous? Me, nervous?

Much too hysterical to be nervous.

I, uh, I can't do it.

Would you mind telling us why you can't
do it? Because I won't fool anybody,

that's why.

Never try to sell phony merchandise to
someone who knows better.

You can't cheat people at their own
game.

Believe me, I learned that. Maybe if I
hadn't, then I'd have more confidence.

On the streets, it's simpler. Everybody
does their number.

But nobody fools anybody.

I'm sorry.

I would say that the plot has taken a
sudden turn.

Hey, who said anything about you being a
phony?

You're not a phony.

I'm not, huh?

Want to know, Frills?

I don't believe this.

I know that listening to tape -recorded
instructions isn't enough to put me

over. That's not the right attitude.

You're not going to fool anybody that
way. I won't fool anybody anyway.

Hey, let's go for a drive.

Now, Misty, when I first met you, I had
my doubts.

Serious doubts that you could pull this
off.

I thought I'd have a book without a last
chapter.

But you've been doing wonderfully.

Beautifully. I might even say adequate.

Thanks. No, that's a compliment.

Can you spare it?

You know, I find myself thinking about
you a lot these days.

When this project is over, I... I hope
it won't mean that we won't see each

other.

Really? Look, when you come back from
Geneva, let's have dinner together. Just

the two of us.

Maybe we can get to know each other a
little better.

That'd be nice.

Attention, household.

The one and only Misty Beethoven and her
magic tape recorder are off to Geneva.

Polished, framed, and programmed.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me. We're closing.

Now, the instructions on the tape can be
transmitted easily and received

comfortably. and they can be followed
meticulously.

How much is this?

I'm sorry, that one's sold.

Of course, we'll have to have
Geraldine's assistance.

She's always willing to lend a finger.

It must be a power failure.

Well, not much we can do about it.

We might as well sit here until the
lights come back on.

It should just be a moment.

Now, move in close.

Check.

What? Oh, nothing, nothing.

Give her some body contact.

Body contact.

Now keep after her.

I'm after you.

Find an excuse to touch him. Say, sir,
there's something in your eye.

Sir, you have something in your eye.

Sir, you have something in your eye.

How can you tell?

I saw it there before.

Now he'll probably get uncomfortable and
change his position.

Turn that to your advantage and move in
on it.

What's that perfume?

New experience.

Give her a little kiss.

Just a touch.

A little harder.

I'm kissing you.

Run your tongue over his nipple.

I'm gonna kiss his other nipple.

I'm going to suck your cock.

I'm going to suck your cock.

Lick his cock.

That's it. Lick the side of his cock.

I'm going to lick your cock like the
inside of a ripe mango.

Ripe mango, take two.

Ripe mango, take two.

Thank you.

I cannot claim all of the credit myself.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

Some of the congratulations must go to
the one and only Geraldine. Geraldine.

That's her.

Hey,

you.

It's past your bedtime.

How's Mr.

Beethoven? Fantastic. I heard Chief
Buckshot put down Geneva so well he went

straight. No. His friends have asked him
to see a psychiatrist. I don't

understand this. The girl was completely
unknown, and now she's seduced half of

the unlikely men in Europe. She must be
completely infatuated with Dr. Love.

He's an animal. An animal. A total and
complete animal.

Does he have to be so insulting?

That's what writing a book is.

Listen, I know him. He hit it big when
he was very young. And he's starting to

think he doesn't have the same impact.

And pulling this off is very important
to him.

It doesn't matter. There's no excuse.

There's a way of doing things. He's
always ridiculing me. And the minute I'm

doing a number, I don't even exist.

You know, he's never once looked into my
eyes.

I heard him say one day that if you
looked into a woman's left eye, you

see right into her cunt.

You know, he's never looked into my left
eye. He's never looked into any eye.

He has to be the coldest, most
insensitive son of a bitch I've ever run

And I used to see a lot on the streets.
I'll bet if Dr. Love were here right

now, he'd choke you to death.

Well, if he wants to choke me to death,
he'll never get a better opportunity.

Your sensitive touch is unmistakable.

Reminds one of a fucking hippopotamus
trying to play the piano.

Thanks for the workout. I'll be champ
yet.

Thank you.

headmistress. Your move, dean of women.

On to the doctorate.

Hello, House of Love.

No, he's not.

They're all at Chinita Studios on the
stage where Lawrence Lehman's production

is having its end of shooting party.

Yes, they should be back by morning.

No, they didn't say which morning.

I have a premonition.

Want to hear?

After your success with Lehman, we're
going to have dinner.

The two of us.

Here we go.

Go on. Straight up to him.

Tell Lawrence Lehman that Misty
Beethoven wants his, quote, fucking ass

here right away, unquote.

Okay.

Thank you.

The furniture arrives on Thursday.

I'm very pleased you could make it.

I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

Misty, Barbara.

Barbara, Misty.

Good evening.

Good evening.

I'm going to get your old man off. Does
that bother you?

You don't think I'm going to let him
make that perilous journey alone?

I wish I had her beside me I wish I was
in

I love you every minute Always around in
my mind

Road is endless horizon I'm

so tired Road is so dusty and dirty

My throat is so dry Feeling for you is

hurting me I don't know why

Spoken my last and gone.

I wish I had her beside me.

I wish I was in my car.

I wish I was in

my car.

I said,

I'm looking for something exciting.

I'll be looking.

Okay.

Thanks for a wonderful evening, Doctor.

You really throw a hell of a party.

Say hello to the erotic Diaghilev, the
Svengali of sex.

Why, when I first met that girl, she
took me to a place where you had to play

extra for the private rats running
around the room.

Sometimes the idiot refused to do what I
told her. About this party tonight, the

cunt on many an afternoon said she
wouldn't come.

What did you do about it?

Well, I gave her a kick in the ass and
told the cunt she had to absolutely do

for me.

This approach is particularly successful
when you ask them to dinner at the same

time. Something quiet and intimate.

That is absolutely essential.

When all else fails, you beat the shit
out of them while at the same time

telling them that you love them.

All hail the goldenrod girl.

You weren't supposed to hear that.

I want to take this opportunity of
thanking you for everything.

I've learned a lot.

Lawrence Lehman will pick up my things.

Hey! Hey, where are you going?

You can't leave now.

Stay! You can have Caesar!

Why would I want Caesar?

I already have Napoleon.

Misty Beethoven made quite a hit at
Lawrence Layman's party. Really? I

thought she was the best. Me too.

Where's Seymour Love?

Going back to New York with his tail
between Lawrence Layman's legs.

Would anyone like to fuck a stewardess?

Duty free ends in 20 minutes.

Are we landing soon?

Yes, we are.

Why did she do that?

She takes the cigars I buy in Jamaica
and smuggles them past the U .S.

Oh.

But it's not illegal to import Jamaican
cigars into the States.

I'll start the book next week.

Never thought she'd end up with laymen.

Funny how things work out.

Wonder how they're getting along.

How late is it in Rome?

Too late, Seymour.

Enjoy the movie, Seymour.

She never did get it down right.

She's too stupid.

I could have worked a hundred years. She
never would have absorbed it all.

She was the most unexciting thing God
ever created.

The absolute nadir of fashion.

A sexual civil service worker.

Ow! How's that? Fuck you!

Sweetheart, look, I'm prepared to accept
once in a while that at the erotic

impulse deep through the water table of
sexual custom, that the purification

process has to be researched.

Seymour, you know why most people have
sexual problems? They talk too goddamn

much.

Love.

Oh!

You're welcome.

I hear there's a new girl on the scene.
She's fantastic.

It says here that she's making a play
for Lawrence. All right. Who was his

girlfriend? Who was the last Goldenrod
girl?

Misty, uh, Mozart.

Was that her name? Of course. Who could
forget a name like that? Nobody knows

where she is. She was Seymour Love's
friend. They were very close.

They always went everywhere together.
Now nobody knows where she is. Like the

hurt she was writing a book.

Remember what Hyman Mandel said. Just
because they do it wrong doesn't mean

you can't do it right.

One and two.

One and two.

One and two.

One and two.

One and two.

One and two. One and two.