Original subtitles

♪ ♪

♪ Oh no, now what've I done ♪

♪ Do I even really care? ♪

♪ Oh no, I think I'll do it again ♪

♪ You can chase me if you dare Ooh hoo ♪

♪ Ooh yeah, the sun on me ♪

♪ Hotter than a pepper sprout ♪

♪ I got nothing in the world that's bothering me ♪

♪ And nothing's gonna change that now ♪

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble I can get ♪

♪ Kinda trouble kinda trouble ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble I can get ♪

♪ Ooh ha I don't wanna grow up don't wanna make my bed ♪

♪ Ooh ha I'm living it up see what kinda trouble I can get ♪

♪ Ooh hoo ♪

♪ Ooh ha, gonna take it outside ♪

♪ In the yard where the garden grows ♪

♪ Ooh ha, think I lost my mind I don't care if it shows ♪

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪ [Mara] Ooh!

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪ [Mara] Shit!

[car alarm honks]

[humming]

[clunk] Shit!

Whatever!

[camera clicks]

[car honks]

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪

♪ Gonna get in the weeds, get dirty, make a mess ♪

♪ Say yes, say yes, say yes. ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble ♪

[coughs]

Ooh!

♪ See what kinda trouble I can get ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble ♪

♪ See what kinda trouble I can get ♪

♪ Kinda trouble kinda trouble ♪

Mmm.

[Mara] Oh, my God! This is amazing!

Look at this stuff.

Ooh! Yes, please.

Morning.

[Ellie] Morning!

Mara, you finding everything alright?

Oh, hey, Ellie!

Um, do you happen to have, like, a red belt?

Ooh, I don't know. Let me check.

By the way, you're late again.

I gotta gear up!

No way! You know the rules.

Nothing over a $100.

Remember when you got guacamole all over that

beautiful Saint Laurent?

It washed off!

Kinda.

[gasps] Mara! What are you doing?

Oh, stop.

You gotta wear the expensive shit to sell the expensive shit.

Did you do your make-up high again?

Ellie, I'm not a degenerate.

I did my make-up and then I got high.

Well, you need to get your shit together because there's a girl

who wants to try on something from the bridal section.

Oh, no, don't make me go over there.

I know. It's torture and it sucks your soul out.

But that's where the money is.

So, go make some.

And smile.

Smiling!

[Grandma] Absolutely not. She looks like a hippie.

Like she's getting married in a barn.

[Sister] Grandma, that's the point.

She is getting married in a barn.

Let's go back to Vera Wang.

This thrift shop is giving me shingles.

[Kelly] It wasn't on your list, - Thrift shop? Ugh!

- But I came in here last week and I found this, and I love it.

[Mother] Well, ivory is just very modern.

And it's a good deal.

It's a disco onesie. I won't pay for it.

I'm sorry, did I hear barn wedding?

Even the sales girl thinks it's gauche.

Actually, I think it can be beautiful.

Sounds to me like you're planning the perfect wedding,

- um... - Kelly.

I love your necklace, by the way.

Thank you. Actually it was my grandmother's.

Well, you have lovely taste.

It's timeless.

That's what you should wear for your wedding, something you'll

still love in 50 years.

But this outfit is not quite marriage material.

Kelly, you're a kind of girl who stands out.

This lace-sleeved jumpsuit?

It's so background dancer.

But this vintage ivory gown.

Uh! I mean...

That is stunning. How much is it?

Most people set up payment plans for the pieces in

our elite collection.

This one with the crushed-diamond inlay?

It's my dream gown.

Let's try her on.

My hairdresser's step-brother dates one of

Meghan Markle's stylists.

This piece is exactly like the one Meghan wanted to wear

at the royal wedding.

The queen, though?

Total buzzkill about it.

Oh, honey. You look beautiful!

Lovely.

Love it.

I need to take a picture of this.

It's too good not to.

Yeah.

Smile!

[camera clicks]

♪ ♪

[squealing tires]

[sniffs]

Are you, um...

You okay?

[Girl] Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks.

You're sure? 'Cause you don't seem like it.

I just saw my boyfriend hooking up with another girl outside.

I wanna leave, but he's sitting by the door,

- and my phone is dead. - Hey, say no more.

I know a way out the back, and I will call you a Lyft,

we'll get you out of here.

Mm-hmm. I... I can't ask you for that.

Yeah, you can.

Girls gotta have each other's backs, alright?

And you deserve so much more!

Hey, look at it this way.

You found a swan, you've got your out.

Now you can go be you.

Come on, let's get you out of here.

Get you in that Lyft.

You never know, maybe he'll be cute.

Hey, girl!

[Alex] Hi.

Alex Feinberg, what is wrong?

This cute guy just completely blew me off.

It's fine, it's nothing, it's fine.

It's fine. I'm gonna die alone.

I think you need this.

- Thank you. - A lot.

Look, I keep telling you,

you're never going to meet someone wearing cargo shorts.

And I keep telling you that they're functional.

You look like a carpenter.

Trust me. I work in fashion.

[scoffs] Hardly.

Please. Today I sold a sick vintage gown to a barn bride.

Do you remember when my sister got married?

You compared her wedding to genocide.

If words can kill, then vows can massacre.

Well, she's happier than ever.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, she doesn't say hi, by the way.

Oh, she'll warm up to me, give it time.

Now this, this is something that I can't get over.

Put on some jeans!

Okay, I don't think you understand how many things

I can fit. I've got my wallet and keys, okay?

I can't.

And a beer, which you'll thank me for later.

I have chap stick and sunglasses in here some, some...

You're not even listening to me.

[gasps] Oh, I know what you're doing.

Wait for me. Wait, wait, wait.

Pre-game or booty call?

Neither. Dinner.

God, you're awful.

Thank you.

No one is gonna buy you dinner on a first date

at 9:00 at night.

Well, stop being so cynical, Alex.

I believe that there is a guy out there somewhere,

- dumb enough... - Horny enough.

- To buy a girl an expensive meal the first time he meets her.

Now, help me find him.

Okay, I will swipe for you, so you don't feel shallow,

even though you are.

You're the best.

- Okay, this one is... - Hot!

But do we think he'll actually buy me dinner?

Hmph! No.

Okay. Okay, into it.

He's a chef. It's meant to be.

There is an alternative to dating for food, you know?

And that is?

Dating for love.

Ew. Don't be disgusting.

Let's see.

I will have the balsamic and mustard-glazed chicken,

and I'll start with the tuna tartare.

[Waiter] Very good.

[Jake] It's tar-tar.

Whatever.

[Waiter] And for you, sir?

Ah!

Whoa!

Jeez.

Uh, I'll have the side salad and this bread.

Really great. You can, uh, keep that coming.

Hm. Yeah.

Had a late lunch.

Mm. Excuse me, uh, before I settle on the chicken,

talk to me about that special.

It is a bone-in, sixteen-ounce Wagyu beef ribeye.

Mmmm!

And, uh, it is by far the best thing on the menu.

Ah! Well, then it's settled.

I'll have the steak!

- Excellent choice. - Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Hungry, aren't you?

Mm! Mm-hmm.

Um.

Okay. Hold on.

I'm not a celebrity chef.

Okay, I make minimum wage at the diner down the street.

I make minimum wage, too.

Would you like to get outta here?

Okay.

Whoo, alright! Great.

I'd like to have my lights on this month.

- What? - Nothin'.

Alright.

There you go.

Wow!

Those are some fancy pancakes.

Right?

Yes.

Come to mama.

Mm-mm!

Why is this so good?

Well, I've been making pancakes since I was six.

Mm.

Grandma told me never to fear the flavor.

Plus, I just graduated from culinary school, so.

- Oh, well. - Yeah.

Where you from?

Virginia.

Moved out here for a girl.

Didn't really work out.

Then why'd you stay?

I wanna bring the south to Southern California and open

up a restaurant.

What would you call it?

Mara's.

- Smooth. - Right?

You liked it a little bit.

A little bit.

Thought so.

But until then, cooking here's fun too.

They let me create a salad.

Ugh! I hate salad.

No, no, no. You wouldn't if I made it.

It's kinda uncool to hustle dating apps for food.

It's called using people.

Men use women all the time.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

Well, I don't.

I guess I'll just have to sleep with you then.

[chuckles] Am I making you nervous?

[siren approaches]

Do I seem nervous?

[both chuckle]

♪ ♪

No kitchen?

No, but it's cheap.

How much?

Fifteen-hundred a month.

Oh! Good deal.

Right.

Do you have a condom?

Uh, yeah. Hold on.

Um...

Where is it?

I have one. I know I have one.

Ah! Uh, okay, I got it.

Organized. Yeah.

My bad, I was just...

Shh. Just shh.

♪ ♪

[phone rings]

Yeah, I'm sorry, she just stepped into a meeting.

Yes, I'll go ahead and take a message and I will have

- her call you back. - Hello.

Thank you. Bye.

Well, someone is glowing.

Who is this? Hello!

Mara, meet Charlie. Charlie, that's Mara.

[Mara] You got another rescue?

Yes, Mara. Another one.

I do not blame you, this one seems really sweet.

Alright, fill me in. How was last night?

It was fine.

He made pancakes.

Oh, he made pancakes? Yeah, and did you,

did you have these pancakes last night or this morning?

A lady never tells.

Both.

Oh! Mara Baylor, you little slut!

Shh!

Hey, Jim.

[Jim] Hey, Alex.

It's good to see you.

Alright, so, what was his flaw?

What do you mean, what's his flaw?

You know what I mean.

You're always looking for a flaw.

Well, maybe he doesn't have one.

And who knows, I may never hear from him again.

So... [phone chimes]

Don't look at me.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

♪ I can't describe the feeling, ♪

♪ The fears, the something that I like ♪

♪ It's so surreal, to be with you nothing to lose, ♪

♪ So put it on the line ♪

♪ Maybe it's you, maybe it's me, ♪

♪ Maybe we're all too scared to recognise a good thing ♪

♪ ♪

Okay, here we go.

Okay.

- And... - Enjoy.

♪ ♪

♪ Maybe, maybe it's a good thing ♪

♪ Let's keep it chill ♪

♪ The feeling is real, all we've got is time ♪

♪ It's understood, ♪

♪ We'll get it wrong we'll get it right, ♪

♪ We'll wake it up tonight. ♪

♪ Maybe it's you, maybe it's me ♪

Well, he's got a good ass.

Well, he's got a great ass!

You know what?

To great asses.

Hm.

Look at us.

You're in skinny jeans, I have a boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Yup.

Wow, look at you. You're growin' up.

And my jeans are so tight, I can't feel my legs.

[laughs]

♪ ♪

You know, you should really show your work.

Mm, I don't know.

I don't think I'm ready to jump into that just yet.

I think you should jump.

Well, you become an artist the minute you start showing your

stuff to the world.

I guess.

[phone rings]

[Mara] Hello? [Jessica] Hey, sis.

Jessica? Why are you calling me?

Oh, my God, what's wrong? Who died?

No! What?

Is it that weird that I'm calling you?

- You're late. - Sorry.

So no one is dead?

Shut up, I have big news.

I am happy to announce I'm getting married!

- What? - I'm getting married!

- To who? - Brian.

Why are you marrying Brian?

Um, because he asked me and I love him.

Ugh, last Christmas, Brian clogged mom's toilet so bad,

even the plumber said he's never seen anything like it.

Mara, all boys are gross, okay?

Yes, but not all boys are scary dumb.

Brian thought euthanasia was a country.

And after the train wreck we call "mom and dad," why are you

even getting married in the first place?

Damn it, this is exactly why I never call you.

Just because mom and dad had a rough time, doesn't mean that

you and I need to protect ourselves

by being alone forever.

So you're not at all worried that Brian won't just up and

leave you one day for his shrink, and then, you're stuck

with a baby, a clogged toilet and...

Mara, can you just say you're happy for me?

[sigh]

I'm happy for you.

I'm getting married!

Hm.

Mara, what the fuck?

My sister's getting married to clogged-toilet guy.

Oh. Oh, that's exciting.

Ugh. Whatever.

There you go, Luna.

[phone rings]

Robbie, wassup, man? I miss you.

[Robbie] I'm on speakerphone with Violet.

Big news, bro.

Violet and I are getting married! [Violet screams]

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Yeah, I knew it. Congratulations, man!

I'm so happy for you. You know we all love Violet.

Look at you.

My big brother just getting married and whatnot.

Oh, you know, I thought he would never ask.

I was just waiting for the perfect moment, you know?

Oh, perfect moment.

I made the perfect moment.

Put on some Jagged Edge, popped a bottle of bubbly.

And then she said:

Marry me, or get out!

And now I'mma be Mrs. Harrison.

[laughs]

Yeah. Oh, shit.

I gotta go, I gotta go, man. I-I love you, though.

Congratulations. Give Violet my love.

I'll talk to you later.

♪ ♪

Not going to her wedding.

You gotta be kidding me.

♪ ♪

Why?

Seriously?

Ugh!

[squeals]

[Ellie] Wow! Oh, my God!

♪ ♪

Do you even know this many people?

Well.

This is insane.

So how many does this make altogether?

Fourteen.

Fifteen.

Me, fifteen weddings.

Is this karma?

I call it payback.

You know, most of them are Jake's.

Learn from my mistakes, Alex.

Never date an old guy.

Jake is twenty-nine.

Exactly, he's in his deep twenties.

If I go to these weddings, I'm gonna meet everyone.

Jake is going to meet everyone.

Oh!

Yeah. That, that's part of being in a relationship.

If I go, I'm committing to being his girlfriend for,

like, a whole year.

And...

Who knows what I'll be doing in a year?

I could, like, be living in Austin or Tulum.

You're exhibiting zero logic right now.

Tulum is a one-week trip, tops.

Mm.

[coughs]

Yeah, you're right.

I have no choice.

I am breaking up with Jake tonight.

[loud moaning]

Oh, my God! Jake, yes!

♪ ♪

[toilet flushes]

♪ ♪

[snoring]

Jake?

Jake, wake up, we need to talk.

Jake!

[slap] What? I'm up.

There are way too many weddings and I'm freaking out.

It's giving me anxiety, and we need to do something.

It's like the middle of the night.

Can we do this in the morning?

No, we need to cut some now!

I don't have the money for it!

Traveling, wedding gifts, the outfits, committing to you for,

- like, a year? - What?

- What? - Huh?

- Nothing. - Uh, okay, yeah.

It's a lot. It is a lot.

And it gets expensive, but between your high-school friends

and my college friends, your sister and my brother,

who do we cut?

Okay, so I thought a lot about this while I was peeing.

Uh-huh.

And I think that we should make a drinking game of it.

We go through each wedding, and if we don't agree on something...

Whoever wants to keep the wedding has to take a shot.

Exactly.

I'll go get the Vodka.

Alright.

Did you slap me?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

♪ ♪

[Mara] Sara's the shit.

She was in my top eight all throughout middle school.

I've never even heard of Sara before.

She's my cousin!

She talked me through my first period.

In high school, we threw him in a dumpster.

There was blood everywhere.

And he almost got crushed by a trash compactor.

And Becca was cool about it!

Dope.

I'll kinda have to go to Gilman's wedding.

I don't care if it's his second wedding.

That man taught me how to fish.

We spent all day on the river.

Me, Murphy, Murphy's dad,

Murphy's dad's special friend Svetlana.

Slevana?

Oh, my God.

He was doing Svetlana.

I actually don't know who Lauren is.

Maybe she worked in a LA store.

We salt-crusted a sea bass together!

You guys must've really connected.

Maybe she was in that one Yoga class I took.

[laughs]

Maybe I just went to camp with her.

[gasp] Was Lauren the girl who got lice?

Oh! Lauren! She was in my band!

You had a band?

Yeah, I did, until Lauren joined and then she kicked me

down to background vocals.

Seven weddings in a year.

It's gonna be fun.

Yeah, we'll see.

♪ ♪

What?

I don't know what it is about a guy in slacks,

but you look super-hot.

Is that right?

Oh, that is right.

Between you and your suit, me and my side boob, mm!

Yeah.

You look good.

Here.

It may get cold.

Uh, thanks, but no thanks.

Okay.

[Mara] Jake, who's that?

[Jake] Remember the girl I moved to LA for?

That's Nicole?

That's the girl who dumped you?

Yup.

She's like a supermodel.

Nicole is not a supermodel.

She did cheerlead for the Broncos for a little bit,

but that's about it.

I need more makeup.

I need my face to be better than her face.

Nicole doesn't really wear makeup.

Just a little lip gloss.

That's just her face and a little gloss?

[Gilman] Yo, Harrison?

- Oh! - Oh, shit!

- What's up, man? - What's good, boy?

- How you doin', man? - Good to see you, man.

Uh, Gilman, my girlfriend, Mara. Mara, Gilman.

Trash-compactor dude!

Yup! Still got the scar and everything.

Yo, remember Miller? With the hair?

Dude's going bald, you gotta come see it, bro.

It's crazy. It's a joke. I'mma take him.

- We'll be right back. - I'll be back, I'm sorry.

Okay.

I'll be fine.

I'll be okay.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Please do not come over here. Please turn around.

[Nicole] Mara, right?

Uh, hi! You must be Nicole!

- Uh-huh. - Hi.

Oh, my God, you're adorable!

I mean, I heard Jake was dating someone younger,

but he really robbed the cradle, didn't he?

[both chuckle]

Youthful glow.

Not all of us can be so blessed.

But you can't be older than, uh, what, 32, 33?

I love the jumpsuit.

It's so revealing.

How sweet!

Cool, uh, necklace.

Oh, thanks!

Yeah, Janet got it for me.

Early birthday gifts.

Janet?

Jake's mom.

Oh, we're really close. He didn't tell you?

Another Scotch, please.

[Bartender] Maybe you should slow down.

They haven't even passed out the appetizers yet.

Fucking rehearsal dinners.

Why do people have weddings before their actual wedding?

And, no, I will not slow down because I only know

two people here. My boyfriend, who is currently

at his high-school reunion, and his ex, who is that.

Damn.

Yeah.

That is exactly why I need another Scotch, please.

Alright, I got you. I'll make it a double.

Thank you.

["Le Freak" plays]

That slut!

[Bridesmaid] Are you gonna let her clown you like that?

Oh, hell, no.

♪ Ah, freak out! ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic Freak out! ♪

♪ Ah, freak out! ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic Freak out! ♪

♪ Ah, freak out! ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic ♪

♪ Chic chic ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic ♪

♪ Have you heard about the new dance craze? ♪

♪ Listen to us, they're doing it night and day ♪

♪ Allow us, we'll show you the way ♪

♪ Ah, freak out! ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic Freak out! ♪

♪ Ah, freak out! ♪

Are you sure you don't want any water?

You seem really drunk.

Shh!

Mara, where you've been? I've been looking for you.

Dance-off, bitch!

Whoa!

Oh, Mara, how much have you had to drink?

Now!

I'm sorry, you wanna do what?

She's trying to steal your heart and I'm gonna stop her from

doing that, by dancing.

Okay.

Are you ready to be owned?

I'mma own your ass.

I'm gonna.

You think you can twerk?

Oh, you think you can twerk?

This is how you twerk.

Well, I can twerk better.

I can do the split!

Okay. Alright, mm-hmm.

- Mm. I'm gonna throw up. - You have to... Okay.

I'm gonna throw up.

There you go.

[vomits]

Oh! Alright, okay, get it out.

There we go. Good job.

Uh-huh.

You alright?

Well, I'm finished.

Okay, let's just go to sleep.

Come on.

Okay. Happy birthday.

Goodnight, y'all.

Wait, where is my camera? Give me my camera.

Did you steal my camera?

- Can you get her out of here? - We're just gonna go.

Don't you touch my camera.

Don't you touch my cam.

[woman] You see, that's the girl from last night.

[Mara] Is everyone staring at me?

Yup.

Tell me this isn't real.

It sure is.

Oh.

Oh, snap! Are these eggs Sardou?

Egg so what?

Uh, poached eggs, artichoke hearts.

- Really? - Uh.

There's alcohol in that.

Yes.

♪ ♪

[Mara] I love single people at weddings.

They're only here for two things.

Free appetizers and amateur hook-up hour.

That's why they're always the first ones to storm the raw bar.

Why?

- Duh, aphrodisiacs. - Champagne?

- Ah! - Ooh!

- [Man] Thank you. - Okay, see?

Look. Look at what he's doing.

He's saying whatever it takes to get his lips on her-

oyster.

That's gross.

I know.

I love it. I can't look away.

Well, I'm gonna look away.

Looking away, looking away, looking...

[clicks] Oh, there's Alex.

[Mara] Aww.

He found a crush.

That guy?

Mm-hmm.

[camera click]

Well, I think I can make that happen.

Uh, I don't know if that's a good idea.

Alex will talk to him if he wants to.

Come on, I'm trying to win some points with your best friend.

I don't know, Jake.

Thank you so much.

Jake!

He's cute.

Who's cute?

The guy you've been staring at.

Don't play dumb.

I'm not playing Du...

This is a, this is a beautiful golf course, by the way.

- Do you golf, Jake? - I do. You know what?

You should man up and let me be your wingman.

I don't.

No?

Okay, that's fine.

I'll do it.

No, no! Hah! Do not engage with Zak.

I am being dead serious right now.

Like, uh, if there's a fire, let him burn.

I mean it.

But you already know his name is Zak?

I...

Mm-hmm. Great.

You would make a really cute couple, though.

Just saying.

[Zak] So good to see you.

I'll talk, I'll talk to you.

Go on.

I can do this.

Yes, you can. Go get him, tiger.

[growl]

Oh.

- It's a thing. - Oh.

I can do this. I can do this.

But, yes. I mean, it's cool to see it.

I can't do this.

Nope, can't. I can't do this.

It's okay. You'll get him next time.

[Jake] Hey. Zak, right?

Yeah. How you doing?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm here with my girlfriend and our friend.

I'm gonna kill him.

Alex.

He's got a good ass.

He's got a great ass.

[laughs]

[announcer] We now invite all guests to take their seats as

the ceremony is about to begin.

Okay, come on. It's okay, calm down.

Oh.

I got you, man.

You can thank me at your wedding.

Ow!

I haven't had a titty-twister since middle school.

Ow!

Guys, stop!

I'm sorry, Mara, but your boyfriend's being a dick, and

now I'm gonna beat his ass.

Ow!

Like, that's how you beat someone's ass?

Do men even have twistable nipples?

Well, it's more in the pinch than it is in the twist.

- Oh. - [Zak] Hey, guys.

You havin' a good time?

Yes. Uh, sorry.

Sorry, that was Stu...

I was teaching him some dance moves.

[Zak] Oh, cool.

Hey, who are you sitting with?

Who I am sitting with?

I'm-Don't-I don't-Nobody.

Uh, well, do you wanna sit with me?

Y-yeah.

Great.

Great. Cool.

Told you I could do it.

[deep sigh]

Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪

[Priest] Now we're reading from First Corinthians.

"Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful.

It is not arrogant or rude. [Mara exhales sharply]

Love does not insist on its own way.

It is not irritable or resentful."

God, is it almost over? It feels like it's been years.

You've only been here for, like, an hour.

What?

At least we're not standing.

Yeah, you'd think they'd wear something more comfortable,

being stuck up there and all.

Like, put on some sneakers.

Shh!

How can you even focus on her shoes?

I can't get past her hair.

It's, it's like a canary got in there.

Well, I don't know what's in there, but it is much bigger

than a canary.

Shh.

How do you think we'll fuck up this wedding?

Well, I think we're already doing it.

[laughs]

But there's no person in the world I'd rather fuck up

with than you.

- Chosen to recite their own vows.

[Brendan] I promise to love you with a love that's everlasting.

Ripped.

Ripped straight from Google.

You think so?

Oh, yes.

- I respect you in everything you do.

- Gotcha. - Not just today...

Not just today, but for every day forthcoming.

I will love and cherish... Wow, he didn't even try.

I know.

I can't wait to start a family with you.

Think they'll make it?

With plagiarized vows? No way!

And they're way too touchy-feely with each other.

It's like they're trying to prove something.

I give them six months, tops.

That's it?

Well, I mean, you got one month of married bliss.

Obviously.

And then he starts to leave his underwear on the floor, she

stops shaving her legs, and then all of that resentment starts to

bubble up and then, boom!

Divorce Central.

You've really thought about this, huh?

By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.

[Mara] Ugh!

They're really going for it.

Get a room!

[Gary] What did she say?

[Lady] She said, "Get a room," Gary.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

[woman vomits]

[Woman] What the hell did we eat?

[vomiting continues]

[woman vomits]

[Ellie] At my wedding, I'm gonna die.

[Mara] Ellie?

[Woman] Why is this happening?

[Ellie] Mara, make it stop.

I can't, honey.

Please.

Oh, God.

At first I thought that it was cholera,

but it turned to be those goddamned baby eels

at last night's rehearsal dinner.

Yeah, that, that makes more sense.

I'm gonna kill Marcus.

Are you, uh, gonna be okay?

Yeah.

It's nothing a cocktail can't fix.

[Marcus] Hey, sweetie.

Uh, have you thought about what I said?

Like, maybe just cancel the whole reception.

We-are cancelling-

nothing!

And fuck you for choosing that weird restaurant,

you bougie prick!

Okay.

Love you.

Okay. Okay, like-

Um, all of my bridesmaids, they got sick too.

So, congratulations, Mara.

You're my new maid of honor.

Me?

Oh, yeah. Oh, you'll be great, okay?

Just, just make your speech funny and then sad,

and-and then make it cute.

And then make it sad again and then hopeful.

Oh god it's coming out the other way.

I usually like my tenderloin rare.

Not like tartare rare, but if I can get a nice price on a good

piece of meat, you can't really beat that.

I'm not gonna...

You just like cube up the steak, little parsley, ah, drop of raw

quail yolk on it, just let it ooze all over it.

[retching]

You think he would mind if I had some of that fish?

Stop it! Stop it right now or I will murder you,

- right here in front of everyone. - Want a bite of the fish?

- Oh, it's time. - Excuse me, ma'am.

- Okay. - Here you go.

You're gonna do great.

Shh! Hearing your voice stresses me out.

Well, thank you.

You're gonna do great!

[clears throat]

Good evening.

My name is Mara Baylor.

It is an honor to be here with you, celebrating the union of

a very special couple.

Thank you for joining this remarkable evening of love,

friendship and commitment.

Regrettably, Ellie's sister has taken ill, so the privilege

of maid of honor has been passed on to me, Ellie's-

apprentice.

I would now like to welcome you to the wedding

of Ellie Williams and Howard Lee.

[gasps] It's Marcus. It's Marcus Lee.

[smattering of applause]

Oh, my God! Howard's your ex.

Shit! Fuck! Uh, Marcus.

Uh. Marcus.

I meant Marcus.

I'm so sorry, honey.

So when Ellie and I met, she needed a salesgirl who didn't

steal the merchandise, and I had just gotten fired from the

MAC counter for, well, stealing the merchandise.

God, that was such a strange time in my life.

I had this roommate from Craigslist.

Gosh, she was such a bitch.

And this girl, no joke, kept a snake in her room.

Like, a live, legitimate snake.

And she would deny it.

But, like, I would see her take mice in there, and they would

never come out, so you do the math.

Mara, please, focus.

Right, yes.

- Yes. - Ow!

- Yes. - Uh.

Ellie and I have such a funny relationship, it's really,

it's really, really great.

She tells me I spend too much time on myself.

I tell her she doesn't spend enough time on herself.

But every day I get her to close the store a few minutes early.

We go out to the back alley, smoke a little bit of weed,

talk things-[laughter]

[Ellie] Seriously, Mara, stop.

No, I don't smoke weed.

But, but, this is good.

But the one thing Ellie will always make time for is Marcus.

I'm so sorry for screwing up your name earlier.

Seriously, that's on me. My bad. I really think...

I think we need to, like, you know, wrap it up.

Yes.

To Ellie and Howard!

Shit! Fuck! I did it again.

I'm so sorry.

To Ellie and Marcus.

May your love grow each day and never forget to omita la angula.

[mic drops]

Oh.

It means, skip the eel.

Whoo! Yeah!

You crushed that.

What? Like, I put people in pain?

No, you were you. You were perfect.

You always are.

[slow dance music]

We really bring out the best in each other, don't we?

We really do.

So I was thinking, maybe we should move in together.

Wow!

What do you think?

Um, well, we are kinda hemorrhaging

money at the moment.

Romantic.

I think we should do it.

- I was thinkin' tomorrow... - Just shut up.

♪ ♪

[seagulls]

[roaring engines]

I think those sheets made me itchy.

Should've stayed at the nicer hotel.

Seven weddings means we can never stay at the nice hotel.

No.

Where the hell is our ride?

Should've gone with Lyft.

I mean, it keeps saying that he'll be here in 10 minutes and

then it's 15 and then 5 and then he's here.

And now he is in the ocean, 20 minutes away.

[spray can]

Come on.

Let's Bonnie and Clyde this bitch.

What?

Mara, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

- Goddamn it! - You know how to ride bike?

Alright, okay. Give it to me. Go, go, go, go.

Okay, alright. Here we go.

[Kid] Hey!

We'll bring it back, I promise!

♪ ♪

♪ How could I stand a chance ♪

♪ I got a bad case for you now ♪

[Valet] Good evening.

[Jake] Leave it out front.

[Mara] Come on!

♪ ♪

♪ It's the way you shake your hips ♪

♪ It's the way you carry yourself ♪

You wouldn't believe what I just got.

What's that?

So, the bride got an extra room to change in.

Guess who's sleepin' there tonight?

- Oh. - Ooh-ooh! Ow!

Oh, my God, this is beautiful!

Ah!

Rich-people hotel rooms are the best!

I would like to note that this is the first wedding that we

handled like responsible adults.

How many more weddings do we have left?

Two, three.

Oh, my God! My sister's wedding is next.

She's gonna be a complete nightmare.

I'm gonna have to take care of her. And then it's

your brother's wedding, we'll meet the entire family.

Hey, Mara, tonight just focus on us.

Hm.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

Oh.

♪ If you're waiting for some kind of sign ♪

♪ Their love is at your door ♪

♪ There won't be no bells ringing ♪

Smile.

Always askin' me to smile.

I love it when you smile.

Now put your hands above your head.

My hands above my head?

Yeah, like a, like an underwear model.

Oh!

Okay.

♪ For you, and me ♪

Hey.

What?

Let's stay like this forever.

I don't think we can afford to stay like this forever.

You know what I mean.

♪ Stick together now So who's that we love ♪

♪ But us... ♪

♪ ♪

♪ A wise man once said to me ♪

♪ These are the best things in life ♪

[Mara] I have to tell you something.

Yeah?

What is it?

It's scary.

Mm.

Okay.

I think...

I really love you.

Let's get married.

What?

Marry me.

Holy shit.

♪ ♪

See, this is what growing up feels like.

Adding a little stability to your life.

So what did mom and dad think of him?

[Alex laughs]

[Barbara] But, seriously, marriage is a real commitment.

[Michael] Barbara, you started screwin' around

during our honeymoon. What do you know about commitment?

Oh, my God!

Do I smell rosemary?

I think I smell rosemary.

Yeah, that smells fantastic, Jake.

Thank you. Would you like to try it?

See if it's missin' anything?

[Michael] Thanks. Oh, it's very good. Very nice.

That's the sophisticated palate for ya.

[laughs]

Nobody is, is worldly as you, Barbara.

- How's Guillermo, Barbara? - Hm.

Who's Guillermo?

Guillermo's the man your father thought I fucked

on our honeymoon.

[Mara] So embarrassing!

I'm not embarrassing. Your father's embarrassing.

Just trying to give these kids some advice.

Oh, advice from you. That would be a miracle.

This is our little miracle, right here,

that she came out of this monster.

You know, isn't Little Miracle what we used to call your-

Hey, you know what, I had trouble one time gettin'

a hard-on, imagine that.

Amber alert over here probably likes the smell of cigarettes

and boxed wine. Do you like that, kid?

[slurps]

God, I feel like I'm watching fetish porn.

[Ron] So, Jake, you hittin' Coachella this year?

No, just, come here.

[Mara] They like Jake.

Mom's slam piece loves him.

What did your parents talk about?

Uh, themselves.

They just fought per usual.

They haven't spent that much time together in 20 years, and

they still hate each other.

Yeah. Well, that's mom and dad.

Makes you wonder why anyone would get married

in the first place.

Mara, if you don't wanna marry Jake,

like, if you're at all unsure...

It's not that, I didn't say that.

It's just-

we've only been dating, like, nine months.

That's a good amount of time.

The-the only thing matters is, do you love Jake?

Of course, I do.

If I didn't, I would've just said no.

That would've been way easier.

Look, it takes more than love to make a marriage work.

It's about choosing what's important and what you

can do without.

Take me for example.

I freaked out this morning before the ceremony.

But should I marry Brian?

If I marry Brian, what am I missing out on?

Who am I missing out on?

Firemen, perhaps?

Maybe a soldier who just got back from Afghanistan?

The kind of guy that scares you, but in a good way.

Like, you never know if you're gonna make it out of sex alive.

That doesn't sound safe.

This is super hot.

I am still freaking out. I have so much to do.

I have to change his savings into a joint account,

I have to figure out his will. Like, do I keep everything

or do I have to share some with the family?

What were we talking about?

Soldiers.

Cold feet.

♪ ♪

Good mornin'.

Mm. I need coffee.

Well, I'll do you one better.

Homemade eggs Benedict for my fiancée.

Mm, later.

Well, I just poached the egg.

There isn't really any later.

Okay, coffee comin'.

So, I was thinkin'.

A new restaurant just opened up down the block.

And if you don't have any plans for later...

You're welcome.

♪ ♪

[Robbie] Hey, how's it goin'?

Good mornin'.

Thanks for comin'.

Alright.

[elevator ding]

[Jake] Where's your camera?

- [Mara] Back in LA. - I'm dead.

You should've stopped me before we started those tequila shots.

What are you talking about?

All you have to do is sit there and eat.

I'm the one who has to be charming for your family and

shit all weekend.

Ooh!

Yes.

Mara, you're fucking savage!

Ah!

I call it resourceful.

Hey, man, where's Violet?

I haven't seen her all mornin'.

Still in our room, passed out in her wedding dress.

She'll, she'll be down soon.

Violet's never been good with Champagne.

[Preston] Hm. Mm, something sweet I can actually eat.

You're gonna eat one of those or just play touchy feely?

Save it for you wife.

I'm just gonna...

I may have to have a long talk with that boy.

Have you tried the eggs Benedict, Mrs. Harrison?

They're amazing.

Oh, now you want eggs Benedict.

[Janet] Mara, why be so formal? Call me mom.

So when are y'all movin' back to Virginia?

Uh, we were never going to move to Virginia.

What in the world is so special about Los Angeles?

I mean, it's nothin' but avocados and traffic.

Well, Janet.

[clears throat]

Mom, our lives are there.

Our friends, my career.

She's-like I said, it's a conversation.

I thought you worked at a store.

You know, we-we just got a new Target.

No, actually, I work in a small boutique, uh,

but I'm also into photography.

I can see why you wanna marry her, son.

You're gorgeous.

Thank you.

How many babies you're gonna put in her?

Dad, no.

How about five children?

None. How about we just have none?

I mean, all women want babies.

Comes with the territory.

[Grandma] Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?

Just tell grandma you believe in Jesus.

I believe in Jesus.

Hallelujah.

We're gonna have the ceremony at Pastor Watkins' church.

Oh, P-Pastor Watkins.

- Yes, sister. - I'm seein' peach.

Are you on the Instagram?

I don't really...

Did you see that Throwback Thursday I posted of Jake.

Senior prom, you and Nicole.

Oh, you were so happy back then.

Yes, but I am pretty happy now.

Okay.

You know, Jakey likes his girls with some meat on their bones.

Mm.

Have you seen Nicole?

Mm, mm, mm.

Not as much back as Nicole, but you can work with it.

Dad. Uh.

Mara, tell us all about your family, baby.

Your parents, how long have they been together?

Oh, they were married for maybe about ten years.

Oh, they died?

Oh, no. They're not dead, they're just divorced.

We do not divorce.

Well, in certain circumstances, some people, they...

Hm-mm. There are no split branches up in this family tree.

We just wait for them to dry up and fall off.

That means, to death.

You made your bed.

A deal is a deal.

I will! That's it.

Will you excuse me for a second?

Oh, hey, baby. You alright?

Well, I see why you left this place.

She ain't no Nicole.

[cough]

[elevator ding]

[Violet] Oh Lord!

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

So this honeymoon, where are you guys going?

Going to Maui.

Ah! Maui. When do you leave?

- Uh, tomorrow. - Yeah.

Jake! Answer your phone! [phone rings]

What?

Hello.

Jake, we have a runner. Violet took off.

I think she's leaving Robbie.

Shit! Well, then, you gotta go get her.

What? No!

I'm tired, I'm hungover, I'm still drunk.

- Wait, what? - I don't want to.

Just go, go.

Uh!

We gotta go.

Violet.

Violet!

Do not make me run in heels!

Ow!

Oh, my God.

Violet, wait up!

Violet, I'm right behind you, wait.

I can't run in these heels. Who am I kidding?

How do you even get these on?

And she's gone.

Hey, Robbie knows where Violet went.

- Get in. - Okay.

- Are you limping? - What happened?

- Get in, come on. - Why is your shoe off?

- I can't run in heels.

- Come on, we gotta go, we gotta go.

I know exactly. Before she leaves. Goodness gracious.

I lost her.

She's fast for a girl in a corset.

Why is she running?

She's getting a cheeseburger. The first thing that Violet

wanted to do after the wedding was break her diet.

Respect.

[kills engine]

[sniffs] I know my baby so well.

She says this place has the best cheeseburger in the world.

So what's the move here?

I'll, um...

I'll, I'll go and, um...

I'll go and talk.

I, I... I can't.

I'll do it. No, no, I'll do it.

Are you sure? Are you sure?

Yeah. I got this.

[sharp exhale]

Yup, mm-hmm, I got it.

Doin' it.

- She's got it, man. - I know.

- She's got it. - Yes she is.

I don't feel like, I feel like she's not gonna get it.

♪ ♪

Hey, Violet.

Can I have a fry?

Thanks.

Everything okay?

Peachy.

Come on, we're almost sisters. Kinda.

You can talk to me. Why are you running?

Look, I love Robbie, okay?

But his family, they are crazy as hell.

Ever since we got engaged, all they do is pester me.

"When are you gonna have a baby?

How many babies? Ooh, when you gonna quit your

job so you can take care of all them babies?"

I mean, I didn't even know that people were still like this,

Mara. It's like they think I'm some kind of freakin' breeder.

It's, uh, it's a lot to deal with.

Mm-hmm.

You know, at first I thought it was just his mom and then, you

know, his dad and then his sweet old granny.

But it turns out that Robbie is just like them.

I mean, look, Jake might be different, okay?

But I don't know. Who knows?

Girl, get out!

Get out while you still can, okay?

Look, look, Violet, it's easy to run away, especially, when

you've spent the past six months in the gym.

Eight.

Look, if you really wanna go, then go.

I, I will cover for you.

But I think you'll regret leaving if you don't talk

to Robbie first.

He needs to hear that from you, face-to-face.

I don't even know where Robbie is.

Oh, he's in the parking lot, crying in a

small Korean compact.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, he's crying?

Yeah, oh, yes, a lot.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

You wanna finish any of this?

No, I've already had three of these.

Oh.

I mean, I'll take a couple of these for the road.

I'll get your bag.

- Just gonna up and leave 'cause you don't wanna have babies?

[Violet] What else was I supposed to do?

Your family was trying to inseminate me in the reception.

Well, may... that's what marriages are for!

They're supposed to put babies...

- Oh, that's what they're for? - I'm a machine? I'm just gonna

pump out babies for you? I thought I was your wife.

- Yes. Oh, oh, this is, this... - I'm pouring my heart out.

Y-you're breaking my heart.

Come on and put your hands on me. What's going on?

- I love you.

Wait.

So they're back together now?

[Violet] Oh, my God. [car horn honks]

Uh, well, I just saw Violet's vagina,

so I'm gonna say probably.

[loud moaning]

Newlyweds.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

[airplane]

[Mara] Where is it?

We're gonna find it. Don't worry.

Two layovers and thirteen hours later.

But no lost luggage.

Shouldn't have cheaped out on plane tickets.

Come on, and miss spendin' the night at Cinnabon?

We're never gonna find it.

- Oh, my God!

- Did we even park here?

I just wanna go home and take a nap.

This is so annoying.

Ah, Mara, I know that your car is a piece of shit,

but most cars come with...

[car alarm] an alarm system.

My car is not a piece of shit.

Don't patronize me.

What?

[car alarm continues]

I found it!

Great.

[car doesn't start]

Ugh!

[deep sigh]

Well, it finally happened.

My sweet baby girl is dead.

I'll call a tow truck.

- Jake? - Mm?

How do you picture our lives after we get married?

I don't know.

I haven't really thought about it.

Well, picture it now.

We get married, five years go by, what do you see?

Okay.

I see a house, a dog in the yard.

What kind of dog?

A rescue.

Obviously.

And inside, we're having a really fancy dinner party

because we're rich now.

I'm grilling rib eye and you're making the salad.

Am I taking photos?

Oh, you still do that now?

There's a big bathroom and an office.

[sigh]

And a guest bedroom that one day,

maybe,

turns into a kid's room.

Oh, it's in Virginia, so he or she can get to know my family.

No.

No?

No to what? The dog?

No, just no.

Mara, you've been acting weird all day.

What are you talking about?

All of it.

Weddings, babies, moving and- I can't, I can't do it.

I can't. Distractions from my career?

Career? What career?

Uh, photography.

You take pictures that nobody ever sees, how's that a job?

What do you know?

I know that you can do that anywhere,

Los Angeles or Virginia.

I can't do it in Virginia.

Why? What's wrong with Virginia?

Yeah, it's not about Virginia!

I just can't do it, okay?

You should know that, you should get that!

What are you doing?

Oh, uh, you wanna get high now?

It's been a long few days. Okay?

No, you don't get to just pick

a fight and then decide to go get high!

- You're oppressing me! - You're acting crazy!

No, you are! You live in a goddamn snow globe,

and I tried it out, Jake, I did! I tried your home

and I tried your family, and I fucking hated it!

You hate my family?

No, you, that...

- You know what I mean. I... - I don't.

My parents were so excited to see you, and you couldn't,

you couldn't just put your thing aside for one weekend.

My, my thing? What's my thing?

Yes, your thing. You're selfish, Mara.

Okay, you could be doing so much more, but, no.

You just have to bitch and make excuses.

It's like you're too afraid to get off your ass!

Fuck you.

Yeah, and I would chill on the whole you-could-be-

doing-so-much-more thing. You're a cook at a diner!

Yeah, well, at least I'm doing something.

Not your dream.

You can't bring the South to Southern California

if you're living in Virginia.

[sniffs]

Oh, God, my finger's swollen.

Hey, hey, okay, look, look, look.

It has been, it's been a rough few days.

- No. - Mara, I love you.

It's not enough for you, that is never going to be

enough for you!

I'm not the marrying type.

I thought I could be.

But you want someone who'd go to church with your grandma and do

game nights with your parents, someone who'll be home in time

for dinner and that's just...

That's just not me.

Okay, alright, okay.

Let's just think about this.

I have been thinking about this.

I've been thinking about this from the moment I said yes.

It takes more than love to make a marriage work.

Please, just take it.

♪ ♪

♪ Every love is in constant motion. ♪

♪ But I'm not sure which way we're coping. ♪

♪ We used to stay up all night talking about nothing. ♪

♪ Now we've become paralysed with words unspoken ♪

♪ Do you still want me the way that you did when we first met ♪

♪ Is it the real thing or is it just something we forsake, ♪

♪ Are we caught up in a mess in another crossroads? ♪

[phone rings]

So you found the flaw.

[sniffs]

I wasn't looking for one, I swear.

I'm so sorry, Mara.

I asked him about our future and he could only talk about his,

like he, like he saw me

as this cookie-cutter version in his future.

And I, I-I know where it comes from.

It comes from his family.

And they were shoving their traditions down my throat.

And I couldn't take it and...

You don't think your parents didn't scare

the hell out of him?

My parents, they never should've gotten married

in the first place.

Well, then you wouldn't be here, would you?

♪ Don't know if I'm safe, your kisses just get sweeter ♪

♪ Part of your heart is off limits, and I can't get in ♪

♪ It's now or never there comes a point I can't keep waiting ♪

♪ Are we caught up in a mess in another crossroads ♪

♪ Are we really meant to be, should there ever be alone ♪

♪ I've been all up in my head all the thinking it all alone ♪

♪ If you don't know if you love me by now. ♪

♪ Just say you do ♪

♪ Love me, Love ♪

♪ Every love is a constant motion ♪

♪ But I'm not sure which way we're coping ♪

♪ Are we all up in my head all the thinking it all alone ♪

♪ If you don't know if you love me by now ♪

♪ ♪

[deep exhale]

Jake?

Nicole?

Uh, what are you doin' here?

Well, I heard you got a new job.

Well, I saw it on your mom's Instagram.

Mmm.

But it's so good to see you.

Yeah. Well, you, too.

Hm.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear about you and Mara.

Uh.

How'd you find out?

Also on your mom's Instagram.

Huh.

Hm.

What about you? You...

Turns out Adam's a bit of a jerk.

So...

Well... in your face.

Yeah, I guess I deserve that.

Mm-hmm.

Jake, I am so sorry for the way things ended with us.

It's cool.

Really.

Well, I think we should catch up over another round,

if you're down.

[chuckles]

I don't really think that's such a good idea.

Oh, come on.

Jake, it's one drink.

Alright. One drink.

♪ ♪

[Vetiver sings "Stranger Still"]

[Boss] Nice.

Let's move, I don't wanna keep that food critic waiting.

Okay.

The reduction looks beautiful.

Nice work.

Thanks.

Now let's get back to it.

Okay.

[Boss Queen] We are so excited to have you join the team.

We're all about what's fun, what's fearless and what's

female in SoCal.

Your eye is exactly what we've been looking for.

[Boss Bitch] But we're curious.

What other wedding stuff can you give us?

We're trying to break into the whole bridal fever.

I'm, I'm kinda done with all that.

But you're our wedding girl.

I've never been a wedding girl

and I never wanna come off as one.

Again, I just... Look, if you just wanna buy my old pictures,

- I'm happy to give... - They're online.

Day old bread as far as I'm concerned.

Look, Mara, what we need from you is to keep going to those

weddings and get your camera lens on the stuff that the

professionals aren't staging.

Mm.

You wanna get paid to play with the Yankees,

you gotta play ball.

Hm.

I appreciate you meeting with me, uh, but those weddings,

they wrecked me.

At least the good parts of me.

And I just want to move on and find those parts again.

Thanks for the latte, though.

Oh, and FYI, this is Dodgers' territory.

I told you not to use a sports reference.

I, uh...

♪ ♪

Holy shit!

♪ ♪

Okay.

Well, if you're gettin' laid, I'mma get laid.

Nope. Uh-hu.

Glasses. Eww.

He'll do, Peter 27.

Peter, right?

[Peter] Hey, Moira.

Oh, it's, uh, Mara, actually.

Cool.

Uh, you look different in your photos.

Oh!

Cuter in person.

No. Just different.

Hey, you want a shot?

Yes! Yes, yeah.

Mm! Thank you. Cheers!

Cheers.

- More, please! - We need more.

- Yeah! - Cheers!

What a pussy!

Keep going. Keep going.

[slurping]

I have to breathe.

Skol.

Cheers to that!

Whoo!

I just spilled it all over my face.

I have vodka in my eyes.

Good time.

Whoo!

[laughs]

This is fun.

You know, your picture didn't look very fun,

but you're really fun.

Oh, gosh.

Mara!

Where are you goin'? I was gonna make pancakes.

No. No! Mm-mm.

What, did I do something wrong or, or...

Of course not! It's...

Pancakes are just really triggering for me right now.

Okay. Well, you know, I can make waffles, if you want.

Listen, I just had sex with you 'cause I was sad.

That's, you know, pretty mean.

Uh, yeah, well, girls can be mean, too.

And that's okay.

Great sex playlist, though.

Thought you should know that.

You were really good!

I know!

♪ ♪

[car horn]

[phone rings]

Alex.

Mara, I have big news.

Zak just asked me to marry him.

We were hanging out and, I, well, I don't know.

He dropped to one knee and I thought he lost his

contact lens, 'cause he got these new ones. They're colored.

- I can't stand them. It... - Get to the point.

And he popped the question.

Mara?

Did I lose you?

No.

Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put you on speaker with us.

Hey, Zak, uh, congratulations.

[Zak] Thank you so much, Mara.

I know it's kind of sudden, but, um, we have decided to just go

for it, and we're getting married next month.

Holy shit.

Uh, well, we got, we gotta celebrate, right?

I mean, pop some Champagne.

I'm gonna squeeze you so hard when I see you, Alex.

I can't wait.

There is more.

More?

We were thinking about inviting Jake.

He's the reason we're together.

[Zak] I mean, if he hadn't come up to me at that wedding, then...

[Alex] Then, we wouldn't be having a wedding, you know?

I know.

But we wanna get your blessing first because your friendship

is more important than our thank you.

Okay.

Wait, uh, okay, like...

Okay, like, uh, invite him.

Really, um, I'm so happy for you guys.

Well, thank you, Mara.

Thank you so much, Mara.

[Alex] We love you.

Love you, too.

Do we give Jake a plus one?

We're not trashy, Alex.

[laughs]

Or are we?

Not with this ring.

[crying]

Okay.

♪ ♪

Okay, now hold hands.

Yeah. [camera clicks]

Oh, that's great.

No teeth?

Okay. No teeth.

Now, hold your hands again.

Perfect.

[Alex] Okay, now one without shirts.

[laughs]

[Mara] Hello?

Yes, well, uh, yeah.

They're, they're all for sale.

Uh-huh.

It's so exciting.

♪ ♪

[buzzer]

Jess? What's wrong?

I left him.

I left Brian.

Please don't say you told me so.

Last week I went to happy hour with my girlfriends, and they

were all gushing over their husbands and their fiancés.

And the whole time, I never thought about Brian.

Not once.

It's like we were just living completely separate lives.

Look, I love Brian.

I don't dread waking up to him every morning.

I'm just not thrilled about it.

Do you know what I mean?

Not really.

Well, of course, you don't.

You had a real partner in Jake.

I wish I had that.

I thought you said it takes more than love

to make a marriage work.

It can, but it shouldn't.

♪ ♪

[sigh]

No.

Okay, well, what about this one?

I'm not going to a funeral, Ellie.

- Okay. - Come on.

Ooh! Got it.

Touch of glamor.

This could actually be really fierce.

Oh, my God, yes!

I have the perfect ballet slippers for it.

Now, this could be a real power move.

Oh, my gosh!

Do you think I could pull that off?

You?

Now?

Absolutely.

♪ ♪

- Hello! - Hey.

It's good to see you guys.

You look great. Enjoy the party, okay?

Okay.

Hello, everybody.

My name is Mara, if you don't already know by now.

Um, thank you so much for being here on this beautiful occasion.

Alex and I became best friends the moment I saw this video.

Oh my God.

[on TV] What's up, TV? My name is Alex Feinberg. I'm a

freshman at UC Santa Barbara and I wanna be a contestant on

the next season of the "Real WorldRoad Rules Challenge."

MTV, meet my rats.

I don't, I don't still have the rats.

FYI, the rats' names were Tek and Ruthie.

And, yes, that is a reference to "Real World."

And, yes, Alex still thinks those pants are as

flattering as they are functional.

Oh!

Now, this video goes on for another 15 minutes and it's

mostly just Alex showing MTV how to make a sarong

out of bedsheets.

So I tracked down this lovable weirdo because I knew

I needed him in my life.

And while I now have to share my lovable weirdo with Zak,

I appreciate them every day just a little bit more.

Not just for sharing their love,

but for teaching me that this,

the two of you, that is what a real,

functional relationship is.

So cheers.

Cheers!

To Alex and Zak, the cargo pants of couples.

[cheering]

Get over here before I embarrass myself.

Where did you find that?

Hiyah!

Hey, Mara.

That was a really great speech.

Thanks.

Uh, where's Nicole?

We get, like, a drink sometimes, but that's really...

Can we talk outside?

Yeah.

[Both] You look really good.

I, I was gonna say the same thing.

I-I did say the same thing at the exact same time.

Stop talking.

So, I, um...

That, uh, that food critic's review, I read it.

Um, it's really something.

Congratulations. I'm so happy for you.

Thank you. Thanks.

Uh, and I saw your website.

Yeah.

Really proud of you.

Thanks.

I jumped in because of you.

It's weird 'cause it's like everything I've ever wanted,

but I just...

just...

It doesn't quite feel right.

Yes.

We went to a total of seven weddings together.

Robbie and Violet's, Ellie and Howard's.

I think his name was Marcus.

- Oh, dammit! - Really struggled with that.

I think I really loved Howard.

[laughter]

Anyways, um, all those couples, those seven couples, they,

they all had one thing in common.

You know what they had that I didn't?

The will to try.

And they all, they all had their problems.

- Mara, I know that I scared you. - They all pushed through.

I rambled on about some bullshit life and...

The second that I had the chance to run, I didn't take my advice,

- and I'm miserable. - I wasn't miserable.

I'm still in love with you.

Exactly how you are, for who you are.

Mara, when you took off that ring...

I know.

I have to tell you something.

It's scary.

Just say it.

I'm still in love with you.

♪ ♪

Am I making you nervous?

Do I seem nervous?

♪ ♪

♪ Ah, freak out! ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic Freak out! ♪

♪ Ah, freak out! ♪

♪ Le freak, c'est chic Freak out! ♪

♪ Have you heard about the new dance craze? ♪

♪ Listen to us, I'm sure you'll be amazed ♪

♪ Big fun to be had by everyone ♪

♪ All that pressure got you down ♪

♪ Has your head been spinning all around? ♪

♪ Feel the rhythm... ♪

Cold feet?

Me? Really?

It's a big commitment.

Just wanna make sure you're sure.

I'm sure.

Alright.

Look at this one right here.

- Hey. Hey, guys. - Hello!

- Hey, guys. Sup.

You're so sweet.

[Karen Damelian sings "Smooth Sailing"]

♪ ♪