Original subtitles

♪ Still, the magic of the night I met you ♪

♪ Seems to stay forever in my mind ♪

♪ The sky was blue and high above ♪

♪ The moon was new and full of love ♪

♪ This eager heart of mine was singing ♪

♪ Lover where can you be ♪

♪ You came at last ♪

♪ Love had its day ♪

♪ That day is past ♪

♪ You've gone away ♪

♪ This aching heart of mine is singing ♪

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming to this

momentous gallery event.

Everyone looks so dashing as ever.

A new film has opened to rave reviews,

and it is certainly destined to break

all previous box office notices.

And as we are all aware

this film which we celebrate tonight

would be nothing if it weren't for its star

our lovely hostess this evening.

This may as well be a wake.

That picture is practically belly up.

What do you mean?

The talk about the talkies, toots.

There's a new game in town and it ain't Rose.

It's pictures with sound.

Sure she's gorgeous and all,

but nobody wants to hear what's coming out of her pie hole

just like all dames.

Hush up you.

And so without further ado

it is my great pleasure to introduce to you

our guest of honor and lovely hostess

who has so graciously opened her home

to us this evening

to hail this joyful occasion.

You know her as the brightest

and most lovely and captivating siren of the silver screen.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the eternally beautiful

Ms. Rose Pettigrew.

You look beautiful.

Can I have an autograph?

Not now darling.

Beautiful necklace.

It's very expensive,

and there isn't another one like it.

Roses for Rose,

the most beautiful of them all,

but I wonder how this one smells up close.

Lovely.

Rose, Rose one moment.

That'll make a swell pic.

There we go.

Yes, we got it.

Gentlemen, I must see to my other guests.

Don't miss me too much.

Looks like she's got some bigger fish to fry, huh Bob?

Boys, that's the thorniest Rose I've ever met.

Hello, boys.

Hi ya, Rosy.

Howdy, ma'am.

Rose.

My, my, my you fellas sure do know

how to make a girl feel welcomed.

Get rid of those awful things will you darling?

This is some hootenanny you have here, Ms. Rose.

Yeah, this is some swinging to do.

Just a little soiree to celebrate the film

and my new pending contract with the studio.

Norman's taking care of all the details.

When are we gonna really celebrate?

Patience, boys,

all in good time.

Hey, hey.

Speaking of the devil.

Here comes that pip squeak now.

Rose, Rose, Rose we have to talk.

Not now, Norman.

Don't be such a ninny.

But, Rose, we must talk.

I have very important news.

I think you heard the lady

she said run along little doggy.

With all respect, sirs

this matter of business doesn't pertain to you.

Alright soldiers stand down.

I can handle this.

Thank you, Rose,

Ms. Pettigrew.

Ms. Pettigrew, I apologize for the intrusion,

but this absolutely could not wait.

I just talked with the lawyer.

Lawyers, phooey.

I will have no speak of lawyers on this night.

It's a party, Norman,

have a drink or how ever many it takes to loosen you up.

Whatever it is will wait until tomorrow.

But, Rose

there is no tomorrow.

Well,

here we are.

You didn't start without me did you?

We wouldn't think of not waiting on such a

good looking woman like yourself.

'Bout time ya made it.

Yeah, 'cause now we can really get this party started.

Here we go.

And now your special treat for your big day.

Get on the table.

Boys, they're perfect.

You always know what I like.

Only the best for you, Rosy.

Works for me.

I want this one.

That's good. I'll take this one.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I'm a big fat cowboy.

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Excuse me have you seen Ms. Pettigrew?

She must've bailed on this lousy spread.

Rose.

Rose.

Rose.

Yee-haw, yeah.

Yeah, not bad huh?

Not bad, huh?

You little cunt.

You fucking bit me.

Oh, my.

Why you little cow pie.

I ought a blow your ass...

Sonny, no.

Stand down.

What is the meaning of this?

Norman.

Ms. Pettigrew, I...

Sorry I had no idea you were in the middle of...

Spit it out.

Hey, you heard the lady spit it out.

This I...

Ms. Pettigrew, I must speak with you.

Rose, it's extremely urgent.

I think this conversation is best held in private.

There's nothing you can't say in front of my boys.

Out with it or else.

I just got word from the studio.

The film is a bomb.

That's it.

That's why you interrupted me.

Not exactly there's more unfortunately.

They tested the new talky with audiences and...

No one cares about that the talkies.

It's a fade.

No, no, no the audience loved it.

The talky is the future.

The future is the talky.

The studio wants nothing but them from now on

and no more silent pictures.

That's why they told...

That's why they what?

What's the matter, Norman, cat got your tongue.

That's why they, the studio

cancelled your contract, Rose

Ms. Pettigrew.

Say that again.

The studio cancelled your contract.

Fix it.

There's nothing to fix.

I tried.

You know they've gone so far as to ban you from the studio.

It's over.

It'll be aight just a misunderstanding.

Yeah, don't worry baby everything's gonna be hunky-dory.

Yeah, maybe for you.

What about me?

Come on baby cake.

Come on remember what we said together forever.

Do you really mean it?

You bet I do.

It's aight, baby.

Hey, baby cakes, put that gun down nice and easy.

You don't wanna do this, Rose.

I have to.

Watch where you pointing that thing, sister.

It's just like you said

I'm holding you to it

Rose

Together

forever.

They forced the brightest star to burn out.

Well, here it is.

It's been so long I almost forgot how big it is.

Yeah, and how much work needs to be done to it.

We just have to clean it up a little bit,

make it presentable.

I mean the listing was as is so the rest is up to the buyer.

Yeah, and maybe a vampire killer.

It's just so eerie.

It's too quiet.

Well, no one's been here in forever

since the last owner decades ago.

I just don't understand how this house hasn't sold.

It's been sitting vacant for what 80 years.

Something like that.

It's been in escrow a dozen times with different agencies

and for some reason or another they just all fell through.

Weird.

I mean the area's amazing,

price is reasonable enough

must be some major problems we don't know about.

Or it's just destiny

that we were the ones to sell the house.

I mean we sold it in couple weeks within taking it on.

Yeah, I think you might be onto something there.

Just waiting for the two hottest realtors in the world.

I mean think about what this is gonna do for our business.

Not only is it gonna cover the overhead for an entire year,

but people are gonna be talking about us.

We're gonna be the go-to girls for the rich and famous.

For selling houses that is.

Yeah, or whatever.

Shut up.

Oh, my god.

I didn't mean to scare you that bad.

Oh, my god, yeah right.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Seriously.

Okay. We did forget one pretty important thing.

I guess the only thing to do now is...

Is what?

Make it official.

Do you want do the honors?

No, we do it together. We're a team.

Okay.

Here.

There it's official.

Alright we got a lot of work to do.

Come on.

Oh, god.

Whoa, would you look at this place.

Would you look of how much work we have to do.

Just remember to be careful when you remove the sheets.

Got ya.

Next time we can afford a cleaning crew.

I hear ya.

Man it's like a fairy tale.

This is what I've been dying to see.

It's beautiful.

I assume it doesn't work.

Doubt it but the waters not turned on yet,

so there's no way to tell.

Who could afford these places?

The buyer is who.

If we don't get this house cleaned up

in the next couple hours when he gets here,

then we're screwed.

He's gonna take one look at it,

and decide to spend his money elsewhere.

- But... - No buts.

We can talk and work at the same time.

Come on, Danni.

Okay.

I think I'm gonna check out that waterfall.

See if I can clean up some of that debris.

Okay, just leave the dirty work for me then.

Earth to Reese.

Sorry.

Think all this dust is getting to my head.

What were you saying?

I was asking you about the buyer.

What's his deal?

Other than the fact that he's late

I don't really know anything about him.

Why don't you just call him and tell him we're here.

I wish I could but

the only correspondence he does is by letter.

Letter.

Who writes anything anymore?

Apparently he does.

Nice penmanship.

What's he do for a living?

You just wanna know whether he's hot or not.

And available.

Well, you'll see when he shows up, if he shows up.

Don't say that.

It's Hollywood.

He's just fashionably late.

Well, if he brings the cash I'll forgive his tardiness.

Cash.

That's his payment of choice.

If he has that much cash,

I'll forgive him for anything

including ugly.

You know it looks like we've made a dent.

Let's take a break.

Yeah, about time.

Careful.

Can you believe I got this going.

Hey, check this out.

What is that?

I found it by the waterfall.

It's beautiful.

Just costume jewelry you want it?

Let me see.

This isn't costume jewelry.

This could be worth a fortune.

It's fake why would someone leave it here all these years.

Girl, bling is my thing,

and this is the real thing.

You should have this appraised.

Take it. I don't believe it.

No, finders keepers and this is a mega keeper.

Let's see what it looks like on you.

Fine.

How does it look?

Looks like it was made for you.

Where you going?

I have a surprise.

No, I'm too tired I don't think I can handle it.

Then I guess I will have to finish this all by myself.

That's for the buyer.

Nope, secret stash.

I wanted to celebrate the most incredible sale

with the most incredible partner.

Awe

thanks.

Of course.

Yum.

To the other most amazing partner in the entire world.

Cheers.

This is house is amazing.

This wine is amazing.

Wonder why it never sold.

Do you want the real story or the Hollywood story?

The real story I guess.

It's too damn expensive.

That sucks give me the Hollywood version.

Okay, legend has it that it was owned by Rose Pettigrew.

Rose Petti who?

Only one of the most famous actresses that ever lived,

an icon of the silent era.

I hate silent movies.

Are you gonna let me finish.

Proceed.

An icon of silent movies,

class, fashion, and sexual excess.

Now I'm interested.

I guess she threw these really wild parties

that were known for their debauchery and perversions.

She was on top and nothing could stop her

except for her own voice.

Her voice.

The talkies debuted.

Thank heavens.

And I guess she had this really horrible voice.

So the studio fired her immediately.

She just want completely insane

and killed all of her closest friends

and slit her own throat

right there over that waterfall.

My God that's horrible.

Some people say that her ghost still haunts this house.

Other say...

What do they say?

That it's just too damn expensive.

Jerk you really had me going.

Actually some of it really is true.

Rose was a huge star.

The other part I don't really know how it got started.

Well, I know one thing

we need to kill off this bottle.

God this damn guy he's so late.

I know.

It's your call stay or go.

Well, if we go we may lose the sale.

You know these eccentric rich guys can be.

I know I wish I was one of them.

I say in the meantime we party like a Pettigrew.

I think I will.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Come out, come out wherever you are.

Come here you.

What is this flower upon our doorstep?

A shrinking violet apparently.

Join us.

No thank you.

How goes it?

Come on in, toots.

Ma'am.

Have a seat.

Yeah.

For our shrinking violet.

Are you here for the shindig?

Of course she's here for the party.

I know aren't ya.

I mean it's the premier for your premier.

Cat got your tongue.

I'm not here for any party.

I'm here...

You should stick around.

It's gonna be real swell.

We always have the best times here

especially with such

beautiful creature as yourself to play with.

No, honestly I don't think you should be here.

Where else should we be?

We're always here. We belong here.

No, I don't think so.

My partner and I are selling this house.

Is that a fact well

this will cure what ails you.

Drink.

There this is so much better

don't you think.

So what's with the new twist anyhow

I ain't never seen her before.

Don't know.

What is your name, flower?

Reese,

my name's Reese.

A Reese by any other name...

And who are you?

You look familiar.

From the wild west

Sonny Barnes.

Howdy.

To the east Tubby Fitzgerald.

Hi ya.

And from the darkness

Erik Burke

at your service.

I know I've seen all of you before.

Everyone has lady.

Look I'm sorry I just can't place where.

You will.

You can count on that.

So to our new lovely friend Reese.

Say

what's with the costume any ways?

Costume?

He means the funny duds.

Studios don't like it when you walk with their threads.

They'll dock your pay.

Okay, I've had about enough.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about

and I don't know what you're doing here,

but just cut the shit, answer the question,

and get the hell out of here before I call the cops.

Who are you talking to?

Danni, call the police.

Why what's going on?

These men they...

What men?

They were just here.

I was just talking to them.

You didn't see them?

You didn't hear me talking to them?

I heard you yelling like crazy and it woke me up.

Good thing too.

Danni, I swear there were...

These guys were here.

I was just talking to them.

I think the wine is talking now.

Dammit I'm not drunk and I'm not crazy.

They were here. They looked really familiar.

I feel like I know them for somewhere.

Well, who were they?

I don't know I can't pin point it

but there was this really creepy guy

and then there was this cowboy

and then there was this really fat guy.

Typical.

They were dressed like they were going to this party.

They kept talking about this party, this premier.

Like a movie premier?

Yeah, yeah they must be actors

that's why they looked familiar.

You believe me don't you?

It's Hollywood

I'll believe anything

especially out of work actors

squatting in our house

and sneaking out through the window.

But I also believe that our buyer hasn't shown up,

and I don't think he's coming tonight.

You're probably right.

Look can we just go home and get some sleep.

He'll probably just contact us tomorrow.

I was hoping we could finish tonight.

I mean that way it's done,

and we don't have to worry about it.

I don't know.

I mean we only have like an hour left

it'll be better tomorrow.

I'm just so tired.

I'm seeing things.

I can't even think straight.

Just take it easy.

Why don't you just finish cleaning up down here.

I'll do the room at the top of the stairs.

That's it deal.

Deal.

Just hurry okay.

Okay.

I'll be right back.

Man these people really knew how to live.

Reese.

Reese, where are you?

I'm right here.

What, what, what is it?

I think I saw one of your actors.

If they're still here we need to make them leave.

No, they can have it.

We have to go right now.

Jesus, Reese, will you hurry up.

Let her go.

All you get back here.

We ain't finished with ya.

Please just let us go.

We won't tell anyone you're here please.

Let's get these sweet treats downstairs.

You said a mouthful.

I'll get the other one.

No.

No, stop

No.

Oh, my god, no.

Please don't please.

Let me go.

Let me go.

No, stop, no.

No, no, no.

No, no stop it.

Stop, no.

You look like you got a real bucking bronco.

Don't just sit there.

Help me chain her up.

You look like you doing aight.

My god.

No, god, no, no.

Poor missy.

Gonna have a high time taming you.

Screw you.

Screw me.

Screw me.

Baby,

we'll have plenty of time for that.

I love a gal who plays hard to get but this is ridiculous.

I guess it's Tubby's time of play.

Marco.

Polo.

Dammit.

Come on out here already.

You're keeping everybody waiting.

Oh, god.

I don't know why you women always gotta be

so damn stubborn.

You knew your role when you accepted the part.

No, I don't know what you're talking about.

I just wanna go home.

Maybe this will help you remember your line.

No, no, no.

No, oh, god no.

Yeah.

Isn't this dreamy, honey?

No, it's a nightmare.

God, no.

God, no, no.

No, oh, god.

Come on doll.

That a girl.

No, no, no, no.

Get off of me.

Get off me.

Get off me.

No, no, don't leave me.

No, get off me.

Get of me.

Me and you really gotta stop

running into each other like this.

Let me go.

You ain't getting away this time toots.

Ain't no way.

Want me to lasso her for you, Tubby?

Quit busting my hump, fellas.

I got it. I got it.

Are you sure?

Sure I'm sure.

Now don't just stand around mugging

go tell her we're ready already.

We gotta be sure.

You know how she is about being kept waiting.

Go get her.

I'll get her. I'll get her.

Keep it warm for me.

I'll be waiting so scoot.

Come here, dolly.

Been a long time.

I'm so sorry I didn't believe you.

It's okay.

How could you have known.

You've always taking care of me.

You've never lied to me.

Should've just done what you said.

It's gonna be okay.

We're together now it's gonna be fine.

Should've just left when you wanted to.

Just don't freak, okay.

I don't want you to cry.

Don't give them the satisfaction.

Boo-hoo ain't that rich.

All you dames shut your traps.

They're gonna kill us aren't they?

Aren't they?

Aren't they?

We're gonna do far worse than that.

Like hell you will.

You have no idea

how much we'll make you scream.

Is he dead?

We're not sticking around to find out.

Can you run?

I'll fly if I have to.

Dead end.

Darn tooten it's a dead end, yours.

Drop her you son of a bitch.

I like your style girly.

But do you know

I am the fastest draw in Hollywood.

Gonna find out soon enough.

Alright here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna have a good old fashion dual.

We're gonna turn back to back, walk five paces

one, two, three, four, five turn and kill.

Are you ready?

One, two, three.

You cheated girl.

Come on this way.

No,

Danni.

It's a crying shame isn't it?

Alive, dead I'm gonna have you

while you're being the bell of the ball,

while you being such a pain in my ass.

I'm going out that door even if I have go through you.

I'm gonna teach you respect.

Wait, okay, this isn't fair.

You're not even giving me a fighting chance.

Is the cat done playing with the little mouse?

Okay.

To die by the blade of the knife is honorable

don't you think?

A man's way to die

personal to see the eyes

of the one that will take you life

to smell his victory.

No.

Then you're not gonna like how this picture ends lady

because I'm getting bored.

Please, please just let us go.

I never considered that one.

Please.

Not a chance.

Danni.

Come on, come on we gotta get out of here.

Come on.

Come on I can't carry you, Danni.

Please gotta help me.

No, no, no come on.

Get up. Get up.

Action.

Keep screaming

it's music to my ears.

What baby cakes

you thought we just rode off into the sunset.

It ain't the end for us.

We're the stars.

We always survive the final reel,

but it's curtains for you.

No, people will be looking for me.

There's a man he's coming here any minute.

Would you be speaking about the potential buyer

of this house?

Yes, yes, he's coming.

He's gonna find me.

Sorry baby cakes

but I don't think he's gonna make it.

Or more likely he's here already.

One of my finest roles

if I can be so bold.

What do you think, fellas?

Bravesema.

You can't keep me here.

In due time you will be free

to waltz right out the door.

Missy, you should feel mighty grateful.

It isn't often a girl like yourself

gets invited to such a special premier like this.

Hell, you're a VIP.

You should cherish the honor.

We have been holding casting sessions for decades,

but never before could we find

such incredible beauty as yourself.

You played your part exquisitely.

You are indeed ingenue

and a flower that will forever bloom.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Think of it

you will be the new contract girl for our little studio

forever.

I don't know what they see in you.

You're a dime a dozen.

I just wanna go home.

You are home.

Look you can have the house.

You can have it please just

please I won't say anything.

I promise I won't say anything please.

It's not the house.

It's never been about the house.

It's always been about you.

A house is of mortar and brick,

but a star

a star is eternal.

I'm not a star.

I don't wanna be a star.

I just wanna go home.

Enough of this ingenue ass kissing.

Let's get on with it.

Take it away, Tubby.

Ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls of all ages,

it is our undying pleasure

to reintroduce to you after too long an absence

the swellest,

shiniest star of the silver screen

then, now, and forever.

Prepare yourself

for the triumphant return of our leading lady.

You know her.

You love her

Ms. Rosy Pettigrew.

Hello, boys.

You're sure a sight for sore eyes.

Hi ya, Rosy, welcome back.

Rosy, we have something for you.

A gift of love for our love.

Beautiful.

Don't touch me you bitch.

I knew she had star quality.

Star quality you stupid mook.

You said I have star quality

and for what I've waited all these years for her.

Golly.

Let's get this rodeo started.

Yeah, on with the show.

Don't.

I have missed you for so long.

Don't forget our supporting roles.

Together

forever.

Are you ready for your close up?

Action.

♪ That you broke your vow ♪

♪ Tell me truly ♪

♪ Old pal of mine ♪

♪ Are you really ♪

♪ Happy now ♪